Cautiously Dylan approached Brenda. His mind was racing. Did she know? What should he do? What would she do? Before she'd left, Donna had reluctantly promised to keep their secret, but she had given them an ultimatum, they had a week to tell Brenda the truth or she would do it herself. She hadn't been happy about it though, and she hadn't sounded convinced that it was the right thing to do. Had Donna broken her promise and told Brenda everything? It was a definite possibility. He glanced across at Brenda trying to read her expression, but it was dark and her face was hidden in shadow. He frowned. He had no idea what she was thinking or feeling.
Halfway up the drive Dylan hesitated, trying desperately to figure out what to do. He kept expecting Brenda to begin the accusations, but she stayed where she was silently watching as he approached her. Despite the slight chill in the night air Dylan found that he was sweating. He felt like the condemned man taking that long last walk. Reluctantly and with an overwhelming sense of dread, he closed the final few metres between them.
"It's late Dylan, where've you been all night?" She spoke calmly and quietly, but Dylan could sense the anger behind her words.
He swallowed nervously. Was this a trick question? Was she trying to catch him in a lie, or was she just mad because he'd promised to talk to her tonight and had missed her call? For once he found her impossible to read. He shifted uncomfortably under Brenda's intense gaze, trying and failing to formulate an answer.
"C'mon Dylan it's a simple question." Her irritation was evident in the clipped delivery.
Deciding to take a risk, Dylan lied "It's been a rough day, I needed to unwind. I just took the Porsche out for a long drive that's all." He couldn't meet her eyes and he knew he didn't sound convincing.
Brenda surveyed him coolly. "I think we both know that's a lie."
Dylan gasped in shock. She knew. "Look Bren, I was going to tell you it's just that…" he stammered trying to find the right words.
"I'm on to you Dylan, it's no use lying" Brenda interrupted before he could finish. She paused for a moment and then her face broke into a smile "You've been out buying my Christmas present haven't you?" She dropped the angry façade completely and looked up at him, eyes gleaming mischievously, pleased to have caught him out - she knew him so well.
Dizzy with relief, Dylan leant against the wall to steady himself. Finally he regained his composure "I guess I'm busted". He smiled weakly "So tell me Bren what gave it away?"
Brenda grinned, delighted that she had been proved right. As she spoke she counted off on her fingers "First I know you Dylan, I know when you're keeping something from me, and you've been acting shifty for days now. Second, tonight is late night shopping on Rodeo Drive, and you know how much I love the stores on Rodeo Drive, and third I told you I was gonna be safely tied up at the library tonight, so you figured I wouldn't catch you." She turned to him eyes shinning "So, how'd I do?"
Dylan took a deep breath, considering his answer carefully "Right on all counts Bren."
"Ooh I knew it" Brenda exclaimed excitedly, jumping up from the porch and grabbing hold of his arm "So do you have it in the car? C'mon Dylan you have to give me a clue."
Dylan sighed. His relief at not being caught out was swiftly turning to guilt at lying to her. He'd promised Kelly that they would tell Brenda together, but he wasn't sure he could get through the rest of the evening without coming clean. Earlier today he'd spent the best part of two hours begging Donna to keep quiet, but now he knew that he couldn't keep quiet any longer, he had to tell Brenda tonight. Out loud he said, "Sorry Bren but it's a surprise, you'll just have to wait."
"Okay" Brenda pretended to pout; "I can be patient". She grinned wickedly wrapping her arms around him "But you know that means you'll have to keep me occupied in the meantime."
Returning her embrace Dylan buried his face in her jacket. He could smell the tantalising scent of her perfume. Usually being this close to Brenda made him feel safe yet alive at the same time, but tonight he felt differently. Tonight he felt as though he were drowning. He gripped Brenda tightly, as if holding on to her was the only thing keeping him from slipping under the water. "I love you Bren" he whispered.
"I love you too Dylan" Brenda gasped, but you're holding me so tight I can hardly breathe!"
"Sorry" Dylan mumbled loosening his grip and pulling away.
"Hey" Brenda complained, "I didn't say I wanted you to let go, just give me a little room to breath is all. She smiled and took hold of his hand, pulling him closer for the kiss.
Perhaps it was because he knew that he was about to lose her, or maybe because in that one moment he realised how much she truly meant to him, but for whatever reason, there was an urgency to Dylan's kisses tonight that hadn't been there in a long time.
Finally, gasping for air, Brenda broke free "Wow, that was intense!" she exclaimed. She laughed "Maybe I should surprise you more often".
Suddenly feeling guilty again, Dylan pulled away from her. What was he thinking kissing her like that? He was only making things harder for both of them. He couldn't go on like this it was tearing him apart, he wanted to, no he needed to tell her everything. It would mean breaking his promise to Kelly but she would understand, besides he thought bitterly, he was getting pretty good at breaking promises He'd promised Brenda that he'd always be honest with her, and he'd promised Brandon that he wouldn't treat Brenda badly, the way he had treated other girls in the past. He sighed heavily. He'd promised himself that he'd stop running away from his problems.
Dylan squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened to escape. He'd really messed things up, he was going to lose Brenda and he only had himself to blame. With a heavy heart he freed himself from her embrace and gestured towards the door "It's getting cold out here, why don't we go inside".
Still in high spirits Brenda nodded her agreement and followed him in. Once inside Dylan flipped on the light switch and then threw himself dejectedly down on the couch. He was exhausted. Brenda sprawled beside him and immediately began kissing him; eager to continue where they'd left off.
"Mmmm, Bren, stop" Dylan pulled away from her "I really need to talk to you about something" he took a deep breath "something important".
Puzzled and a little hurt, Brenda sat up straight on the couch, and regarded him quizzically "What is it?"
Turning to face her and taking hold of her hand, Dylan took another deep breath to steady his nerves. "You know I love you Bren. You do know that don't you?" he asked anxiously, searching her face for confirmation.
"Of course I know that Dylan, and I love you too" Brenda sounded confused.
"And you know that I would never do anything to hurt you" Dylan continued softly.
Brenda regarded him suspiciously "What's all this about Dylan? Is there something you're not telling me?" There was a sharp edge to her voice that betrayed her alarm.
Gently Dylan reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face. "I have to tell you something Bren, something that's difficult for me to tell you. He hesitated "And it's gonna be difficult for you to hear."
Brenda's eyes widened in fear "Dylan you're scaring me. What is it? What's wrong? Is it you? Are you sick? Has something happened to Brandon? Is it my parents?"
"No, no it's okay, it's nothing like that, everyone's fine" Dylan replied hastily, mentally kicking himself for such a clumsy opening.
"Then what is it?" She looked at him intently, blue eyes filled with concern. Dylan's heart was pounding so hard he was sure she could hear it. He had to tell her and he had to tell her now, he couldn't let this go on for another second. Shifting uncomfortably, he forced himself to meet her eyes, and then wished he hadn't. She looked so beautiful and so vulnerable, he couldn't bear to hurt her, but he knew that he had to continue no matter how painful it was. He closed his eyes for a moment, steeling himself for what was to come "You see the thing is Bren…."
The ringing of the phone made both of them jump. Instinctively Dylan moved to answer it but Brenda laid a hand on his arm to restrain him. They regarded each other in silence as the ringing stopped and the machine clicked on. "Hey this is Dylan, you know the drill….."
Dylan frowned. It was late, which meant only one thing; it was Kelly. They had talked for hours after Donna had left. Kelly had been devastated by Donna's words and it had taken him a long time to convince her that everything was gonna be okay. Dylan found that he couldn't tear his eyes away from Brenda, any moment now it would all be out in the open, the secret blown sky high. Months of lying and sneaking around were about to blow up in his face.
He wished he could do something; anything to stop Brenda finding out like this but there was nothing he could do. Seconds ticked by as Kelly, obviously not expecting the machine, struggled to compose a message. It must only have been a matter of seconds but to Dylan it felt like a lifetime. His whole body was rigid with tension, his heart was pounding, his mouth had gone dry, and the room suddenly seemed far too hot. He felt like he was on trial waiting for the jury to announce their verdict, but he already knew what the verdict would be 'Guilty'.
"Dylan" Brandon's voice resonated around the room "Listen buddy if Brenda's there with you tell her to get herself back home right now. It's getting late and Dad's on the warpath. Later man". The line went dead as Brandon hung up.
Dylan found himself laughing uncontrollably. He guessed it was the result of so much nervous tension, either that or the stress of the last few months had made him insane.
Brenda looked at him in confusion "I don't get it. What's so funny?"
Dylan shook his head, managing to straighten his face and regain his composure "Nothing Bren, it's just that it's good to know that whatever else happens in the world, your father never changes."
"Okay" Brenda said doubtfully "Well at least you haven't lost your sense of humour".
"I guess not" Dylan sighed. He got up off the couch and pulled her to her feet. "You'd better get going Bren, you heard the man, and the last thing we need right now is your father on our case".
"Wait" Brenda protested, "You were about to tell me something important".
Dylan hesitated, he'd been on the brink of telling her, and if the phone hadn't rung he'd have done it. He sighed. Talk about saved by the bell, Brandon's call had ruined the moment and now he had completely lost his nerve. Perhaps it was for the best. He'd acted on instinct, hadn't figured out what he was going to say, and he had promised Kelly that they would do it together. Besides it was getting late, and this wasn't something that could be rushed. He made the decision "It's okay Bren really, it's not that big a deal" he lied.
Brenda remained unconvinced "But you said it was something important. Please Dylan you have to tell me" she begged, sitting back down on the couch, arms folded across her chest in protest.
Seeing the flash of determination in her eyes, and knowing all too well the extent of her stubborn streak, Dylan knew that he had to tell her something, she wasn't gonna leave without an explanation. Besides he'd got her all freaked out telling her it was something serious, he couldn't just leave her hanging, letting her imagination run riot. Forcing himself to meet her concerned eyes, he took a deep breath "I've been doing some thinking since I saw you this afternoon" he said carefully.
"And…" Brenda prompted gently.
"And I guess I'm just worried about us Bren, about what's gonna happen next year, that's all."
Breathing a sigh of relief Brenda got up and kissed him on the cheek. "You don't have to worry Dylan, everything will work out just fine I know it." Taking his hand she walked him to the door. "Whatever happens next year we'll get through it I promise." Stepping out in to the cool night air she shivered, it was finally beginning to feel like winter. "You know our biggest problem right now is how I'm gonna explain to my father what I was doing over here so late."
Dylan smiled ruefully "Well you could always tell him we were studying".
She laughed "Yeah like I'm sure he'd believe that!" Reaching up she kissed him goodbye "Good night Dylan".
"Good night Bren."
After she had gone Dylan headed straight for the phone, there was someone he really needed to talk to. As he dialled the number he noticed that his hands were shaking. He sighed. He really was in a bad way.
Just the sound of the voice at the other end of the phone instantly made him feel better. "Hey Ben, it's Dylan".
"Dylan, how's it going".
"Actually it's pretty rough right now, I could really use a drink".
There was a pause on the other end of the line. Dylan could picture his sponsor's face kind and compassionate, ready to talk him through this however long it took. "So why don't you tell me about it." Ben responded encouragingly.
Dylan sighed. Sometimes he thought he was beating his addiction, was really making progress, but it was times like this when he was grateful for AA, it was his life line. No matter what else was going on he always knew his sponsor would be there for him, it was the one constant in his life. It had been a long time since he'd had to call up Ben like this, usually attending the meetings was enough to keep him on track but right now the temptation to have a drink was overwhelming.
Taking a deep breath Dylan began to talk.