Brenda Walsh shivered and fastened up her jacket, but it wasn't really that cold, certainly not the kind of cold that came with a Minnesota winter. Closing her eyes, her mind was flooded with memories. Days so cold that it was painful even to breathe. Helping Brandon and her father shovel snow for hours just so that they could get out of the front door. Ice skating out on the frozen lake with friends, and then going home to thaw out in front of a roaring fire. At some point in December the ice and snow crept in and overnight it turned Minnesota in to a winter wonderland. Sure it was cold, but it felt right, magical. She sighed wistfully. What she wouldn't give for one of those traditional Minnesota Christmases right now. It had been an easier time, a time before her life had got complicated. Before she met Dylan McKay.
Even in Beverly Hills December brought a dip in the temperature, and Brenda could feel the bite in the air as she hurried along Rodeo Drive. Usually she loved Christmas shopping, especially this close to Christmas. It was only two days before the holidays, but the streets were still busy with last minute shoppers dashing in and out of the stores trying to find that perfect gift.
Since she'd found out about Kelly and Dylan the world had become a grey and dreary place for Brenda. Over the last few weeks she'd watched listlessly as the window displays in the stores had become Christmas tableaux. All over town twinkling lights had appeared as if the people of Beverly Hills were lighting a path for Santa. It had happened slowly at first, just the odd one or two, but eventually every household proudly displayed a tree brimming with coloured baubles and fairy lights. Every house that is except one.
Brenda sighed. Her father and Brandon had brought home the tree today. Back in Minnesota it had been a Walsh family tradition. They always waited until two days before Christmas so that they got the freshest tree. That tradition had come to an end last year, the first time they'd actually spent Christmas in Beverly Hills. They'd waited until the last minute only to find that all the trees had wilted because they'd been out in the sun!
Brenda knew that the only reason dad and Brandon had left it so late again this year was because of her. They were all avoiding the subject of Christmas right now. Christmas festivities just weren't in keeping with her dismal mood, and her family were doing their best to be sensitive to her feelings. Usually the Walsh house was aglow with light and warmth at this time of year, Christmas was one of the things that Cindy Walsh did best, but at the moment it was as if a frost had covered the house freezing away all the Christmas cheer.
The tree was the only concession to Christmas that had been made at Cassa Walsh. Right now it sat in the middle of the dinning room looking sad and gloomy in its undecorated state. For Brenda it was a symbol of her own overwhelming misery. Tortured by a conviction that Dylan and Kelly were spending a blissfully happy Christmas together, Brenda had done her best to ignore Christmas altogether, but as the big day drew nearer it was getting harder and harder to ignore.
The festivities that seemed to be going on wherever she looked just served to amplify her despair. She wished it were the middle of August; at least then she wouldn't feel so out of step with the rest of the world. She frowned. She hadn't felt this way about Christmas since she was six and Brandon had convinced her that Santa Claus didn't exist.
Christmas had always been Brenda's favourite holiday. Usually trimming the tree was one of the best parts. Actually if she was honest, Brenda loved everything about Christmas. The tree, the decorations, the food, the songs, the gifts, even the cheesy holiday specials they showed every year on TV.
But what she loved most about Christmas was the way it made her feel. For just a few weeks in the year Christmas cast its spell and the world became a nicer place. Sure the spell was broken as soon as the doors opened for the January sales - Brenda had experienced that first hand working at Tracy Ross last year. But it didn't matter, because for those few weeks Brenda truly believed that there was good in everyone.
To the outsider Beverly Hills was a place of elitism, ambition, power and greed. Everywhere you looked there were signs of insincerity. The plastic surgeons that got rich turning the ordinary folk in to beautiful people. The huge conglomerates who pretended to care about the little guy right before putting him out of business. The exclusive restaurants that were always fully booked unless your bank balance had the required number of zeroes, or you were a friend of the latest Hollywood star. Yet even in Beverly Hills Brenda had been able to find the true spirit of Christmas.
Last year she had invited an elderly homeless guy for Christmas Eve dinner. Brenda hadn't the heart to leave him to spend Christmas on the streets, it just wouldn't have been right. At first her parents had been horrified and Brenda had been afraid that she would live to regret her impulsive good deed, but it had turned out to be a magical evening. Surrounded by family and friends, she had been consumed by the love and warmth that was in the room that night. It was a night she would never forget, but that was last year, and a lot had happened since then. It was amazing how much things could change. Right now she couldn't imagine ever being happy again.
Mercifully school was out for the holidays and she no longer had to endure the torture of seeing Dylan and Kelly. The last few weeks had passed by in a haze of pain, anger and despair. It had actually been a relief when finals had started, because she hadn't had to talk to anyone. She'd arrive just before the test and leave right after, avoiding Kelly's pathetic attempts at reconciliation, Donna's sympathetic looks and Dylan's brooding stare.
She'd thrown herself in to studying, letting the work consume her. The tests had proved a godsend, giving her agitated mind something else to focus on. To her surprise the finals when they'd actually arrived hadn't been so bad. Each paper seemed to be purposely designed for her to do her best. Maybe it was because she'd studied hard or maybe fate was trying to make up for the terrible hand that he'd dealt her, the way she had it figured, he certainly owed her a favour or two!
Ever since she'd found out, Brenda hadn't been living, merely existing. She'd lost her drive, her passion for life. She wasn't even interested in acting any more. It all seemed so meaningless compared to the loss she had suffered. Her life had changed forever, and she was convinced that things would never be the same.
Brenda's world had been shattered on that day. The two people that she loved and trusted the most had betrayed her. She had lost much more than Dylan and Kelly, she had lost her faith in human nature. For last week or so she had been brooding on her mom's words. Was she really in danger of ending up bitter and alone? Sighing heavily, she regarded the shoppers hurrying past her. She wished she could join them, but tonight she wasn't here to shop. Tonight Brenda Walsh needed to recapture the spirit of Christmas.