Brenda stopped walking. It was late and she really should be getting home. She'd been out for hours now. Around her lights began to blink out as the last of the shoppers were escorted from the stores, and exhausted storeowners hurried home to spend the holidays with their families. So that was that. She'd run out of time. Now there really was nothing to do but go home.
She had always stubbornly clung to the belief that Christmas was a magical time of year, a time when miracles really did happen. She sighed. If ever there was a time when she needed to be proved right, this was it. She'd come out tonight looking for a sign. She didn't know what exactly just something, anything to tell her not to give up. An indication from above that everything would turn out all right in the end, but all she'd seen were stressed out shoppers stepping over each other in their desperate pursuit of one last holiday purchase.
Stopping in the middle of the now deserted street she tilted her head back and surveyed the night sky. It was a clear night and thousands of tiny stars winked down at her. Addressing the heavens above her she shouted defiantly "Can't say I didn't try." Shaking her head she raised a wry smile. A sign? She must be losing her mind! She'd obviously watched one too many cheesy Christmas movie. If Brandon ever found out he'd tease her mercilessly. Zipping up her jacket and jamming her hands in to her pockets she set out on the long walk home.
She didn't know what it was that made her notice it. She must have passed it a hundred times before, but this was the first time she'd stopped. Perhaps it was because the street that was usually bustling with noise and activity was now empty and silent. Maybe it was because she usually drove and had her eyes focused on the road, but afterwards she couldn't help thinking that it was the star. It was bigger and brighter than any of the others, and seemed to be moving quickly. Even as she quickened her pace to follow its path it began to wane and flicker until eventually it's light was extinguished altogether. When she finally brought her gaze back to her surroundings, Brenda found herself standing outside an old church.
Although the street was lit by moonlight, the building was hidden in shadows. Nestled between the trees, the Church of St Mary stood silent and empty. Except that it wasn't, because through the window Brenda could see a flickering light. Curious, she moved closer to get a better look. It was late, and the evening service had long since finished, but Brenda was sure that someone was inside.
The heavy wooden door creaked open as she cautiously turned the handle. "Hello?" She called warily, suddenly afraid of what she might find.
He was sitting on the first pew staring straight ahead at the flickering candles on the altar before him. Startled he turned at the sound of her voice.
Brenda stared in surprise. A handsome looking man in his early thirties with a shock of curly dark hair and deep brown eyes stared back at her.
"Guidance or mourning?" He asked matter of factly.
"I'm sorry?" Brenda was confused.
"Well there's really only two reasons why someone would come to church this time of night at this time of the year". He spoke with an accent that Brenda couldn't quite place. Maybe a trace of an Irish brogue, perhaps a southern twang, she couldn't be sure. "It's either to seek answers to a problem or to mourn the loss of a loved one". He smiled. "So which is it?"
Brenda considered for a moment "I guess it's a little of both" she finally admitted.
"Ah the most demanding of customers" He gestured towards the pew "In that case you'd better have a seat. This could take a while".
"Look father, it's late and I don't want to bother you. I should really be going" Brenda began backing towards the door.
"You obviously came here for a reason". He patted the seat next to him. "Least you can do is give it a shot".
"Okay" Brenda said reluctantly "But it's a little difficult to explain".
"I often find the hardest part is getting started. Once you get past that part it's usually plain sailing" he smiled at her encouragingly.
"I don't really know where to begin" Brenda admitted as she sank in to the pew next to him."
"Well then why don't you just start at the beginning and keep on talking until you reach the end" he said encouragingly, making himself comfortable in his seat and looking at her expectantly.
Brenda considered for a moment then took a deep breath. "Father, have you ever found out that something you believed in completely was actually a lie?"
"Ah a crisis of faith no less. Now that's one of the big ones". He sounded vaguely excited. "We haven't had one of those in a while. A few lost souls and some bank robbers who'd seen the light, but I can't remember the last time we had an honest to goodness crisis of faith". He grinned "The boss said he had a challenge for me but I really wasn't expecting this."
"The boss?" Brenda raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"Yeah the boss. You know the man upstairs" Smiling he pointed towards the ceiling.
Finally Brenda understood "Right, that boss".
"So" he said calmly "Are you going to tell me what caused this life shattering state?"
"Well you see" Brenda began "There's this guy".
He nodded sagely "There always is."
"Excuse me?" Brenda was finding his manner a little perplexing.
"Whenever a pretty young girl like you comes in here with that look, odds on there's a guy involved" he explained helpfully. "So this guy. Does he have a name?"
"His name's Dylan. And what look do I have?" Brenda was getting a little exasperated. The young father obviously favoured some crazy kind of counselling technique, but frankly she was finding it a little too weird. Then again, why should she expect anything else in Beverly Hills?
To her surprise instead of answering he got up from his seat and took hold of one of the flickering candles. "You see this candle?" He asked. She nodded mutely. "Well within each of us is a life force, a burning light, kinda like the candle flame. As we go through life we experience love and loss, triumph and tragedy, and the flame gets weaker or burns more brightly, but it's always there, lighting the person from within. It's what gives us our passion, our zest for life. Your life force, your flame has been snuffed out". He blew out the candle to demonstrate the point.
"So what do I do about it?" Brenda asked in alarm. It all sounded very final and it didn't sound good.
"It's quite simple really" he said matter of factly. "You just have to find another spark, a way to re-ignite the flame. Sometimes it's another person, or a change of scene, a new job you know your basic life change scenario."
"Oh". Brenda responded trying to take it all in.
"But that comes later on" he continued ignoring her bewildered expression. "First you have to finish telling me your story. We can't just skip ahead to the solution part, that's not the way it works".
"Oh". Brenda said again, feeling chastised. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to get ahead of myself."
"That's okay you're new at this. You don't know the ropes". Leaning back in his seat once more he smiled and nodded to her to continue.
Steeling herself for the painful revelations to come, Brenda took a deep breath. "Well I guess I've been with Dylan for about three years now. We've had some good times and we've had some bad times" she smiled ruefully. "But we made it through because we had each other, because we love each other. Then three weeks ago…" She hesitated, finding it difficult to go on but he nodded encouraging her to continue. "Three weeks ago I found out that he was cheating on me with my best friend". She wiped at the tears that had escaped without her permission.
Handing her his handkerchief he nodded sympathetically. "Okay. You can stop there. I think I can see how this played out". He paused then almost as an after thought asked "This best friend is she a blonde?"
Puzzled Brenda nodded "Yes. But how did you ….?"
"There's always a blonde" he confided knowledgeably.
"Right" Brenda replied uncertainly. Then having regained her composure "So did we get to the solution part yet?" she asked hopefully.
He sat up straighter in his seat. "The solution part. Yeah I guess you're about ready for that now."
Brenda looked at him expectantly. Her hands were trembling with nervous excitement so she put them back in her pockets. Any second now he was gonna give her the answer, tell her what to do to get out of this living hell.
He shifted a little in his seat, and then scratched his head as if deep in thought. When he spoke it was as if he were thinking out loud rather than actually addressing his remarks to her. "Tricky, very tricky. I don't think basic life change tactics are gonna be enough in this case."
"So what's the answer?" Brenda was beginning to think that he was quite mad. She risked a glance at the door wondering how to make her escape.
"You see" he continued as though she had not spoken. "What just happened to you is what we in the trade call a defining moment".
"A defining moment?" Brenda was intrigued.
"Some things are sent to test us to make us stronger" he explained carefully. "It might be the loss of a loved one, or perhaps a painful illness. Sometimes it's about having the courage to open your heart to the possibility of love, or facing up to a long held fear". He paused, looking at her intently. "It doesn't really matter what it is, what matters is what happens next. How you choose to deal with it, that's the important thing, that's what defines your character". He paused for a moment as though he was concentrating hard "From what you've told me I'd say that this could be your test."
"So what do I have to do to pass?" Brenda asked earnestly.
"Oh I'm afraid that the only person who can figure out how to do that is you. You have to find your own path, I can't tell you what to do, no one can, that's the whole point". Seeing her face fall he patted her hand comfortingly "You know in my line of work you realise that the human spirit is capable of remarkable resilience. At first it seems as though these problems are insurmountable, but given time you'll find a way through it. You know time really is a great healer, and after all what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" he said cheerfully.
Brenda grimaced, clichés, that's all she needed. "So what you're saying is that there is no magic answer, that I just have to get through this myself?" She couldn't hide the disappointment she was feeling. She'd been so sure that he was going to be able to help her.
He nodded. "I know things seem pretty bleak right now but remember it's always darkest just before dawn."
Great, more clichés Brenda thought bitterly. Turning to him she asked "What does that mean exactly?"
He smiled encouragingly "It means that it's often when things seem at their worst that they are about to get better".
"Oh" Brenda said slowly, taking this in.
"I know you came here for answers, but I don't have them. I can't tell you whether you and this Dylan are destined to be together, whether you really are soul mates" he said solemnly. "Only your heart can tell you that".
He smiled "But I can tell you that you're approaching a cross roads in your life's path. Choose one road, and your life will turn out one way, choose the other and it'll be completely different. "You see" he continued cryptically "The decisions we make, the actions we take, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, they all lead to one pivotal moment, one life choice that determines everything that follows." He looked at her kindly "I think that this defining moment, this test, is the event that has set everything in motion to bring you to that critical decision."
Brenda looked at him in amazement. She'd never quite made up her mind where she stood regarding the issue of fate. Sometimes she liked to think that her destiny was already set, that she was following a pre-ordained path, other times she preferred to imagine that she could determine her own future. Now she didn't know what to think.
"But how will I know?" Brenda whispered. "When the time comes how will I know which is the right path?"
"You'll know" he said authoritatively. "He regarded her quizzically searching her face for a sign that his words had sunk in. "I'm not sure if I've been much help, but I hope you can take some comfort from my words.
For the first time in weeks Brenda Walsh smiled "You know what Father, you have helped me. You've helped me a lot. Thank you".
"He returned her smile, and bowed his head slightly "It's all part of the service".
Brenda struggled to her feet "And now it really is time I was getting home. Merry Christmas Father".
"Merry Christmas Brenda" he replied warmly.
It was only when she reached the heavy wooden door that she realised. "But how did you know my….?" But when she turned back, the church was in darkness and he was gone.
Shaking her head in bemusement Brenda set off for home. It had been a very strange night. She wasn't sure if a conversation with an eccentric priest counted as a sign exactly, but she did feel better. She didn't know quite how he'd done it, but this complete stranger had managed to give her the greatest Christmas gift of all - hope. Right now it was just a tiny spark, a glimmer of light, but if she nurtured it, refused to let it die, then she knew that it would grow.
Although the sky had long since turned an inky black her path was illuminated by the shimmering lights that adorned the houses lining the route. Earlier tonight she'd found them depressing, but now they felt right. She could almost believe that they were a host of angels guiding her safe passage home.
Reaching her own front door she gasped in delight. Twinkling lights danced across the roof, and in the window a majestic looking tree festooned with coloured baubles and tinsel shone like a beacon welcoming her home. When she opened the door she smiled at the unmistakable sound of her Dad singing 'white Christmas'. She gazed around in wonder, the house was alive with light and warmth, a complete contrast to the way she had left it earlier tonight.
"Brenda!" Cindy Walsh exclaimed coming in from the kitchen and wiping flour covered hands on her apron "I'm so glad you're home". She looked anxiously at her daughter, wondering if she'd made the right decision. She'd talked Jim and Brandon in to decorating the house in the hope that it might help Brenda to reconnect with the magic of Christmas. Now she was afraid that she might have made a terrible mistake.
Breaking the sudden tension, Brandon jumped down from the stepladder he had been perched upon. Approaching Brenda slowly, he held out the star that he'd been about to place at the very top of the tree "So Bren, how about you do the honours?"
As she looked at the star Brenda could have sworn that she saw it twinkle. She blinked and looked again, but now it seemed completely normal, and no one else seemed to have noticed anything out of the ordinary. Maybe it had just caught the light when Brandon moved it, but maybe it was a sign, a sign to tell her that everything was gonna work out all right in the end.
Christmas was a time to be thankful, and Brenda realised that she had been so consumed by what was wrong with her life that she hadn't stopped to consider what was right about it. She knew that it would be a long road back to happiness but at least now she knew the way back. As she placed the star on the highest bough of the tree Brenda smiled. Noticing the smile, Cindy breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't know what had happened to Brenda tonight, but for the first time in a long time she could see something of the old Brenda in the girl standing before her. She smiled. Maybe just maybe it would be a Merry Christmas this year after all.
Author's Note
Well I've had that particular chapter planned for quite some time now, so I hope you enjoyed it. I have one more Christmas chapter for you, but it's not quite ready yet. I may get a chance to work on it later today so check back later. Just wanted to thank all those who have read and reviewed the story this year. I'm not sure exactly how many chapters there will be in total, but I still have a few plot points to unfold before the story's end (all part of my master plan!).
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!!