"So do you want to tell me what happened?" Mrs Teasely asked pointedly.
Sitting opposite her, Kelly shifted uncomfortably and fixed her eyes on the desk between them. "I guess I just didn't study hard enough." She admitted reluctantly.
Mrs Teasely sighed heavily. Despite what some of her students might imagine, this was not a part of the job she relished. It was always with a certain amount of trepidation that she examined the senior class results each January. The college application process was in full swing, and these results could have a major impact on a student's future.
There were some very pleasing results amongst the senior class this year very pleasing indeed, but there were also some very worrying results. Kelly Taylor was only the first in a line of students she had scheduled appointments with. She sighed again; it was going to be a very long and difficult day.
Sometimes she wondered if it was her fault, perhaps there were things that could or should have been done, but she knew that wasn't the case, not really. She was good at her job, and her faculty was made up of special people, people who actually cared about the students.
She shook her head sadly. It was just a fact of life that some students were destined not to live up to their true potential. Some suffered personal problems that distracted them from their studies, others found that they just couldn't cope with the pressures and demands of senior year, and then there were the ones who simply lost interest in academia, were in too much of a hurry to get out in to the big wide world.
"Is there any particular reason why you didn't study?" she asked Kelly reasonably. Contrary to popular belief, she didn't walk the halls of West Beverly with her eyes and ears closed, in fact very little happened in the school that she didn't get to see or hear about. She had a very good idea what or rather who lay behind Kelly's disappointing results.
Kelly shook her head "I guess I didn't start studying early enough, I just didn't leave myself enough time." She hadn't realised until this morning just how much she'd let her relationship with Dylan take over her life. She'd lost touch with what was going on with her friends, she'd hardly seen her family, she'd daydreamed through her classes, and she'd barely thought about college.
None of those things had mattered; all that had mattered was Dylan. Suddenly it seemed that the rest of her life was fighting back, demanding that she pay attention. She swallowed nervously. She'd been shocked when she'd seen her grades this morning. She'd known that the finals had gone badly, she just hadn't realised quite how badly. She had been dreading this meeting with Mrs Teasely ever since.
Mrs Teasely frowned in obvious frustration. She'd seen it so many times before over the years, a girl throwing away a promising future because she thought she was in love. "Look Kelly" she said firmly. "You're a good student, and your SAT scores were high. Even with these poor results, college is still an option, but you need to get your applications in." She paused, and then continued more kindly "You promised me last semester that you would give college some thought. Have you any idea where you might like to apply?" She picked up her pen in hopeful anticipation.
Kelly shook her head. She had promised, but she just hadn't gotten around to it, it hadn't seemed that important. "I'm sorry Mrs Teasely, I know I said I'd look in to it." She shrugged helplessly "I guess it kinda slipped my mind." She knew it was a lame excuse, but it was the truth. Back in October Brenda had talked endlessly about the relative merits of a host of different schools, but Kelly hadn't been listening. It had all seemed so far away, there was plenty of time to think about college later. Then what with everything that had happened in the last few weeks, college had been the last thing on her mind.
Mrs Teasely took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Kelly Taylor was definitely college material and could really benefit from the college experience, but she made a point of not dictating to her students. She preferred them to take responsibility for their own decisions, even if it meant making mistakes. "Okay" she finally conceded. "Maybe college isn't for you. Is there something else, something that you would like to do next year?" she asked hopefully.
Frowning, Kelly tried to visualise what she would be doing next year, but came up blank. If she didn't go to college what would she do? Get a job? She'd never had a job because she'd never needed one, and she didn't have the first idea what sort of job she could do. "I don't know" she offered reluctantly. "I guess I haven't really thought about it too much." She was beginning to feel decidedly foolish, and it didn't help that Mrs Teasely was looking at her with an air of disapproval that she usually reserved for her most troublesome students. It had been a long time since Kelly had been one of those students, and she didn't want to become one of them again.
"Well you're gonna have to start thinking about it, and soon" Mrs Teasely warned, her patience wearing thin. "Look Kelly, like it or not in a few months time you'll be out of high school. You need to start making some decisions about what you want to do with your life."
"I know." Kelly was contrite.
Mrs Teasely regarded her thoughtfully "I think the best thing for you to do right now is to go away and think long and hard about your future." She put down her pen decisively, and closed Kelly's file, signalling that the discussion was over.
As she left the principal's office, and headed slowly back to rejoin her class, Kelly brooded on Mrs Teasely's words. She had been feeling lousy about things ever since she'd seen her grades this morning, and the meeting had done nothing to lift her spirits. She knew that Mrs Teasely was right; the time had come to start thinking about her future.
She didn't want to think about the future. It wasn't that she was especially attached to the past, quite the opposite in fact. She wanted to forget about her past, to move on. She was a different person back then, what she'd done then had nothing to do with the person she was today, well that's what she tried to tell herself anyway.
When things had been really bad, she'd dreamt about the future, imagined how different it was going to be, how much better. She'd stopped doing that after a while; there were too many disappointments. Too often it had seemed as though things were going to work out, only for everything to fall apart. She guessed that was the reality of living with an alcoholic mother, you never knew how long you had before the next drinking binge. One day at a time, that was her mother's key to survival, and it was a mantra she'd adopted for herself.
The future was an unknown quantity, and Kelly didn't like the unknown. It was too unpredictable, too insecure. In high school she knew where she fitted in, knew who she was. Here she was one of the social elite, she was someone that mattered, but out there in the real world she didn't see how she could make an impact, what role she could play. She envied those people who knew from an early age exactly what they wanted to do with their life. She sighed heavily. People like Brenda.
For as long as Kelly had known her, Brenda Walsh had wanted to be an actress. She had always envied Brenda's passion for acting, not because she wanted to act herself, but because Brenda had something special, she had a talent, and a dream to follow, her life had a purpose. Brenda wasn't afraid of the future; instead she embraced it enthusiastically. To Brenda the future was an adventure waiting to be discovered. Kelly wished she could be more like that.
She frowned in irritation. This had all started because she had been jealous of Brenda; it was the reason she was in this whole mess. She didn't want to be jealous, but she couldn't help it. She had always envied Brenda, because Brenda had seemed to have it all, a loving and supportive family, an exciting career ahead of her, and she had Dylan.
She'd always figured that if she could have what Brenda had, then everything would be different, she would be different, she would be happy. And she had been happy. This summer with Dylan had been one of the happiest times of her life. After they had ended it, she had been so miserable. She had convinced herself that getting back together with Dylan was the only thing that would make her happy again. And now they were back together. She frowned in concentration trying to make sense of her feelings. So why wasn't she happy?
Oh sure there had been brief moments of happiness, when things had felt magical again, but those had been few and far between. At first she'd thought that it was just because she was upset about Brenda, that she missed her best friend, and felt guilty about what had happened. She'd hoped that once the dust had settled, she'd start to feel better about things, but it hadn't happened.
Over the Christmas vacation, she'd begun to recognise the depths of her insecurity about Dylan. She'd tried to ignore the doubts that had begun to take hold, had pushed them firmly to the back of her mind but they refused to stay there. He'd told her that he loved her, and that should be enough, but it wasn't because she still couldn't shake the fear that he would rather be with Brenda.
It was ironic really, almost laughable, except that she really didn't feel like laughing right now. She shook her head in disbelief. After everything that had happened, everything she had been through, she was still jealous of Brenda. Even though she was the one who was with Dylan right now, it still felt as though Brenda was the one who had it all.
Until today she had been convinced that putting Dylan first had been the right thing to do. Dylan was more important than her friendship with Brenda, more important than studying, more important than college. Had she got it all horribly wrong? She was starting to wonder.
She hadn't been interested in college before, didn't think it mattered. Then this morning seeing her grades, seeing all her friends do so well, and imagining them going away to school, suddenly it had mattered. The feelings had surprised her, she hadn't expected to feel this way, but she did. No matter what Mrs Teasely said, it was too late, she would never meet the application deadlines now. Besides she didn't have a clue where to start, and no idea what she might want to study. She would have to face it, she had blown it; college was out of the question for her now.
Then there was Brenda. She'd actually hoped that one day Brenda would forgive her, but she knew now that that would never happen, their friendship was beyond repair. She'd been getting on better with Donna, and David recently, and Steve had promised that he would always be there for her, but she still felt a little awkward around them, and she could tell that they felt awkward too. As for Brandon and Andrea, well they'd made their feelings very clear.
Mrs Teasely had told her to think about her future. Looked like it was shaping up to be a future that didn't include college, or her friends. She sighed heavily. Before Dylan was all she had wanted, now it seemed that he was all she had. For the very first time, it occurred to her that she might, just might have made a terrible mistake.