Dylan watched as the red BMW screeched out of sight. When the taillights had finally disappeared from view, he moved unsteadily away from the window, and dropped on to the couch. His hands shook as he reached out for the shot glass. Draining the remaining inch of whisky, he threw the glass at the wall with all his might. He barely flinched as the glass shattered, tiny shards of glass peppered his bare arms, drawing blood, but he didn't feel it. Dylan had stopped feeling anything about half a bottle of scotch ago.
To tell the truth, Dylan hadn't been feeling much of anything in the two weeks that had passed since the gas station hold up; he'd made damn sure of that. Physically he hadn't been hurt, he'd escaped without a scratch, but mentally, mentally it was a whole different story. He'd been scared before, plenty of times, but this time was different. He'd probably come closer to death in one of his surfing accidents than he had that night, but he had never felt so utterly powerless as he had in that one moment.
He couldn't sleep; every time he closed his eyes he was back there, looking down the barrel of that gun, waiting for the guy in the ski mask to pull the trigger, to end his life. He had thought he was going to die that night, that his life was going to end in some down town gas station, and that there was nothing he could do about it.
He couldn't eat, just the thought of food made him nauseous. He hadn't left the house in two weeks, and he hadn't talked about what happened at all. Kelly had tried to make him talk; she kept on trying to make him talk. She didn't understand he couldn't talk about it, not yet. She had tried again tonight, pushing him, pressuring him. In the end he had lost it, yelled at her to leave, he couldn't take anymore of the endless questioning. They had followed the same dance for the last two weeks. She started off trying to get him to eat, then she tried to get him to talk, then they'd fight, and then she'd leave. It was the same pattern over and over again.
Slowly, clumsily, his movements inhibited by the alcohol, he reached in to his pocket for the envelope. He tipped the contents out on to the coffee table, but didn't reach to pick it up. Instead he stayed sitting there, just looking at it. He stayed like that for a long time.
***
Eyes blurred with tears, Kelly Taylor tried to hold it together as she drove home. It was late, and her BMW was the only car on the road, which was just as well since Kelly's mind wasn't on her driving. Catching sight of her reflection in the rear view mirror, she sighed heavily. She looked like hell. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy from too many days of crying, the dark circles contrasting sharply with her general pallor. She looked tired and defeated, and most of all scared. When she looked in the mirror it was a frightened little girl that looked back at her.
Tonight's fight with Dylan had been the worst so far; the atmosphere had become increasingly volatile, and at one point she'd even thought he might turn violent. In the end he had told her to leave, and not to bother coming back. She had gotten in her car and just started driving. It had taken her 15 minutes to get herself together enough to realise that she was on the wrong road. She'd turned the car around and was now headed towards home, but even now that she knew where she was going, she couldn't shake the feeling of being lost. Dylan was obviously hurting, and clearly he needed help, but she couldn't seem to reach him, and she had no idea what to do next.
She frowned. She of all people should know what to do in this situation; she knew pretty much everything there was to know about alcoholism, in fact from her experiences with Jackie, she could write a book on the subject. If anyone could understand the way Dylan was reacting right now it should be her, yet she couldn't seem to do or say anything right, in fact it seemed like all she had done so far was make things worse. She was trying to help him, but all she had succeeded in doing was driving him further away.
Wiping furiously at the tears that spilled down her cheeks she consoled herself with the knowledge that Dylan hadn't meant what he said. He had been cruel, but it wasn't him, that was the alcohol talking. Once the cruel streak had worked its way out, there would be crying, begging for forgiveness, a promise that it wouldn't happen again, and then the cycle would repeat, for as long as she allowed it to. She knew that the only way to break it was for him to get professional help, and she wasn't just talking about AA.
Dylan needed to go talk to a counsellor, someone who could help him come to terms with what he'd been through. Right now he wasn't dealing with it, he was drinking to avoid the pain or the fear or whatever it was he was feeling. She'd been through it with Jackie so many times, and she was afraid, because she knew what would happen to him if he continued on this downward spiral.
She had seen what alcohol had done to Jackie, hell she hadn't just seen it she'd lived it. Jackie at her worst had been devastating, the crying, the self-destruction, the lies, the broken promises. Kelly had watched helplessly as her mom had slowly destroyed herself. It had been the darkest time in Kelly's life. She was still battling with those demons, but over the last few years, she'd managed to bury them. All this had brought them that much closer to the surface again.
She had an overwhelming urge to run away, distance herself from Dylan and his problems. She wanted to get away from the black hole that he was in, before he pulled her in there with him. She knew that it would only be a matter of time before he did. She hated herself for feeling that way, was ashamed of her cowardice and disloyalty, but she couldn't help it, it was the way she felt.
The irony of the situation was that before all this had happened, she had actually been thinking about ending their relationship. Talking to Andrea had helped her to figure a few things out, made her face reality. It wasn't working out with Dylan, she wasn't happy; she needed to make a change. She guessed she had known for a while but she hadn't wanted to admit it.
Kelly had realised that she had been feeling trapped. She had made a mistake, a big mistake, but how could she admit that now after everything that they had put everyone through so that they could be together? Even worse she would have to accept that Brenda had been right all along, she and Dylan didn't have anything special. She knew it was stupid, but she just couldn't bear the thought that Brenda had won.
As much as she knew that she really should end the relationship, she was reluctant to do so. She couldn't quite give up on her little possibility of happiness, no matter how remote it seemed. In the end she had decided that she really needed to talk it all through with Dylan, be honest with him about the way she was feeling, maybe they could work it out. The hold up had happened before she'd gotten the chance, and it had changed everything.
Kelly pulled up outside her house, and cut the engine, but she didn't go inside right away. Instead she sat in the car in the dark, thinking. No matter what state her relationship with Dylan was in right now, and no matter how much she wished she could run away, she wasn't gonna abandon him. She was gonna help him get through this, whatever it took. When she finally got out of the car nearly an hour later, she knew what she had to do. She didn't like it, she didn't like it one bit, but there wasn't any other way.
***
Alone at last, Brenda Walsh retrieved the envelope from its hiding place at the back of her sock drawer. For once Mom and Dad had gone out for dinner, and with Brandon working at the Peach Pit tonight she had the house to herself. Carefully she opened the envelope, and unfolded the letter. She couldn't help smiling as she read the words again. She'd read it so many times she knew the contents by heart, yet still she couldn't quite believe it.
It was happening, it was really happening, she was on her way to an exciting new future, and this letter was the confirmation. She'd known that the audition had gone well, but she hadn't dared to hope that it had gone this well. It was funny thinking that a few simple sentences typed on a page could change her life so dramatically. She wondered idly if the person who had typed them had any idea how much they meant.
She sighed contentedly. Finally things were coming together; her life was back on track. For the first time in a long time she felt hopeful, optimistic like she was coming out of the darkness. She still hadn't told anyone, not even Brandon, she'd wanted to make sure that it was really happening first. She tried to imagine what everyone would say when she announced her plans. Would they be shocked, impressed, pleased, jealous, or maybe even a little angry that she had kept it a secret? She felt a stab of guilt when she thought about Donna's reaction. The whole legacy key issue still hadn't been resolved, and Donna and David's future was still very much up in the air. Brenda's smile faded. She was walking out on Donna right when Donna needed her the most. She consoled herself with the hope that Donna's problems might be over by then. If they weren't, Donna had other friends who would be there for her. It wasn't like Brenda was leaving her alone. Still she couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was abandoning her friend.
She pushed the doubts out of her mind. She had to do what was right for her; she couldn't afford to think about anyone else, after all her friends hadn't thought about her had they? She sighed heavily. She'd learned that lesson the hard way this year. Suddenly she felt depressed again. It had been an awful year, so many things had gone wrong. She wished it could have been different.
She was cheered by the consoling thought that in a few short weeks she would be thousands of miles away. Beverly Hills would just be a distant memory. She could concentrate on making a new start, and forget all about Kelly Taylor and Dylan McKay and what they had done to her. Maybe, just maybe she would find happiness again.
She read the letter through one more time, then folded it up and slid it back in to the envelope. As she reached to put it back in its hiding place in the sock drawer, her hand brushed against the little velvet box. Regret danced across her heart. Regret at what had happened; regret that she was leaving, and regret that Dylan was no longer a part of her life. Sighing heavily, she shut the drawer. Dylan was her past; she had to focus on her future.
***
Kelly Taylor stood on the doorstep of Cassa Walsh. She was shivering, but it had little to do with the temperature. She was shivering because she was afraid. She had always envied Brenda's happy home life and supportive family. In the last three years she'd probably spent more time with Brenda's family than she had with her own. This house had become her refuge, the place she ran to when she couldn't deal with the harsh realities of her own life. Even now, despite everything that had gone on between them, her first instinct was still to come here when she was in trouble.
Tentatively she rang the doorbell. She swallowed nervously past the lump that was suddenly lodged in her throat. She must be crazy thinking this would work. What was she supposed to say anyway? 'Hi Mr Walsh, Mrs Walsh, I know I've ruined Brenda's life, but do you think she'll come and help me save the guy that broke her heart?' Even to her ears it sounded ridiculous. Why on earth had she decided to do this?
She'd sat in the car for the last hour trying to work up the nerve to walk up the driveway. It had been three days since she'd last spoken to Dylan, since she had driven off into the night leaving him behind. In those three days she had steeled herself to do this only to change her mind, and then change it back again several times over. She dreaded to think what state he would be in by now. She'd kept hoping he would call, but he hadn't. She'd been sorely tempted to go round there, but he'd told her to stay away, and her pride stopped her going back. It didn't stop her worrying about him though, and tonight she had decided that she couldn't take it anymore. She had to do it.
It had cost her a lot to come here. Accepting that she needed Brenda's help had been difficult. Not only would she have to confess to Brenda that she and Dylan were having real problems, but she would have to admit that she couldn't get through to him, that there was something lacking in their relationship. She had always feared that Dylan and Brenda were meant to be together, that she just had him temporarily whilst they worked out their differences. Asking for Brenda's help now was tantamount to admitting that, that was true. She had only just admitted that fact to herself, the thought of admitting it to Brenda was killing her.
Then of course there was the prospect of facing Brenda. They had hardly spoken since Brenda had found out, what little exchanges there had been had been bitter and vicious. She was laying herself wide open for a full on attack, and Brenda knew exactly how to hit where it hurt. Things could get real ugly, real fast. She was asking an awful lot of Brenda tonight, yet the optimist inside her clung to the hope that Brenda would come through for her. She sighed heavily. Brenda had always come through for her before, but things were very different now. She wouldn't blame Brenda if she just slammed the door in her face.
Although the lights were on it seemed that no one was home. Relief flooded Kelly, she could just leave and no one would be any the wiser. This had been a stupid idea. What had she been thinking? She would just have to try talking to Dylan again. She would go over there in the morning, maybe take Steve with her, let him have another go at getting through to Dylan. She turned to walk away then nearly jumped out of her skin as the door was flung open. Standing in the doorway was Brenda.