The phones constant shrill rattles through my entire body and jolts me from my thoughts. I already know who will be on the other end of the line without even picking it up. How do I know? Maybe it's because he's the only person who cares about me. No, that's not true - he's the only one brave enough to admit he cares though. Everyone else gets scared away by the Ice Queen. If they could see me now they would be surprised. My tear stained cheeks are illuminated by the glow of the dsa player. I have watched the same disc constantly now for half an hour: the first time in apprehension; the second in shock; and all the other times, well I'm not quite sure I think it was disbelief. Of course I had suspected what the dsa had confirmed for some time but like everything else that was too difficult to face I squashed the doubts down. It was easier that way.
I'm afraid to answer his call. I'm afraid that I won't be able to play our usual game, that he'll be able to sense something has changed. The phone continues ringing and I know that he won't quit. He probably knows I am home. Not answering the phone is as dangerous as picking up. I can't seem to find her, my Ice Queen. That mask has been slowly slipping away and now it seems that it is gone forever. All it took was one small part of my past to alter, yet it was such an important point to me. It was something that I built my adult life on and now it feels as if someone has pulled the rug from under me. I reach over to pick up the phone remembering how this morning changed my life.
There was a dsa on my desk when I returned from my briefing. Another waste of time spent trying to justify the lack of success in bringing Jarod back to The Centre. I've never understood my fathers faith in me to bring Jarod back, he's a pretender. The Centre spent years developing his talent and then expect me to be able to go out there and drag him back. Of course they are relying on the 'connection' that Jarod and I have, a connection that The Centre manipulated. Maybe they thought I could lure Jarod back with my body, but I could never do that to him. Maybe that's why Daddy was always so disappointed in me.
There was nothing else out of place in my office and there was no note accompanying the dsa. I pocketed the shiny disc and surveyed the room one more time. There was no trace that anyone else had been since I went to the briefing twenty minutes previously. My eyes wandered to the vent, I couldn't see anything there but I had the strangest sensation of being watched. I doubted that it was Jarod - he hates The Centre as much as I do. Besides, he has other ways of getting things to me. It must have been Angelo. I nodded in the vents direction, as if to acknowledge him.
I briefly considered getting Broots to check out the disc for me but soon scratched that thought. There are too many prying eyes at The Centre and, though I trust Broots and Sydney, I don't want to take any chances. Not this time. The rest of the afternoon I spent in the lab with Syd. Broots sat in a corner behind a computer screen trying to track down the elusive pretender. Syd and I chased the afternoon away going through the lab rat's last clues, or taunts as I like to think of them. I played my usual bitch and Syd his fatherly sage. It was for the benefit of others who might be observing. I long ago stopped believing I had Syd fooled.The dsa felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket.
The afternoon had dragged on and my thoughts had kept on returning to the dsa but when I finally arrived home I began to delay the 'viewing'. I took a long shower, made myself something to eat. Played with my food for some time before binning it and hitting the scotch instead. All the while my eyes would return to the dsa player that I had set up, and to the disc lying beside it.
The first scotch went down easy, so I poured another and took the bottle over with me to settle down in front of the player. As soon as the dsa began to play I lurched forward to stop it. I knew from the first few seconds what was on the disc. The memories of that day are impregnated on my mind as clearly as the day I saw my Mom 'shot' down. And yet I let the disc play on. I knew the potential hazard in doing this. How many times have my memories been completely different to the actual true events? And I knew what the consequences of this would be, how my faith in my father, The Centre and myself has been chipped away over these past five years. If, as I suspected, there was another dimension to this then... What would I do?
~~~~~~
Young Jarod is sat at a desk. There is a figure standing above observing him, obscured by the dark corners of the lab. Jarod looks up to the man uncertainly. There is no response.
Jarod: I'm not sure I should be doing this.
Man (Raines): Jarod it's for the best. For you both. Don't you want the best for her?
Jarod: Of course I do! But I don't -
Raines: You have to convince her Jarod. She needs to get away from here and you need to concentrate on your work. All the people you help Jarod, all the good you do, think of that.
Jarod nods his head unsurely. Young Miss Parker is guided into the room. Seeing Jarod her eyes light up and she sits down at the other seat at the desk, opposite to the young boy.
Miss Parker: Hi Jarod! What's wrong, are you okay?
Jarod: I can't see you anymore.
Miss Parker: What? But why?
Jarod: I need to concentrate on my work. You distract me from that. It's for the best.
Miss Parker: But... You're joking right, this is just a joke?
Jarod: No it's not a joke, Miss Parker.
Miss Parker: But I don't understand. Why?
Miss Parker reaches out over the table. Jarod pulls his hand away when she touches him.
Jarod: I can't.
Miss Parker: I thought we were friends, Jarod?
Jarod remains stoney faced. Miss Parker lurches from her seat, heading towards the door. Jarod remains seated at the desk until Miss Parker has left.
Jarod: I didn't like doing that! She hates me now.
There are tears rolling down his cheeks.
Raines: Come on Jarod we have work to do. Miss Parker will be fine, she's going away anyway.
Jarod: Where? Where is she going?
Raines: To a school where she can be educated properly. She is going to come back a completely different person.
~~~~~~~~
The dsa ends at that point. It was what I had suspected. Well what I had come to expect recently. Ten years ago I would never have questioned anything to do with The Centre. I had long ago learned to turn a blind eye to anything that might not be good about that place, about my father and about my job. These last few years however I had began to doubt everything I knew, or thought I knew. I pick up the phone and hear Jarod's voice. I can hear the panic in his tones that he is trying to hide, but more clearly I can hear his concern. I ignore his words and think back to the dsa again.
I had thought about that day, the day Jarod and I went our seperate ways. Ever since he had came back into my life. My father had wanted me to go away to boarding school but I wasn't having any of it. After that day in the lab though, I wanted to get away. I had lost my Mom and then Jarod had rejected me. The only person I had left was my father, so I strove to please him. From that day on I did everything I could for him. I became the person I am now for him. And the chances are he's not even my real father. And, as the dsa had confirmed, he had manipulated me. Had got rid of the one person standing in his way, Jarod.
"Miss Parker, are you okay?"
I'm aware that I've started crying again. The softness in his voice pulls at my heart and my soul. These past five years it's been easy to hate him. Okay, it got harder as the time passed and I became to have some kind of trust with him. But I always had this to fall back on, how he hurt me. I guess I just wanted to hurt him back - Jarod was right that little girl is still inside me. I am just as much a pawn of The Centre as he is. I'm as screwed up as he is.
"Miss Parker, don't leave. I'll be there soon."
Oh God, he's coming round? He must be close by, I wonder if he is always close by? It feels like he is sometimes. A brief flutter of loyalty to The Centre tells me to call in the sweepers but I ignore it. Not this time. I don't even go for my gun. I fear that everything has changed now, that I can't go back, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to face that. Not without the Ice Queen. But maybe with Jarod.
I'm afraid to answer his call. I'm afraid that I won't be able to play our usual game, that he'll be able to sense something has changed. The phone continues ringing and I know that he won't quit. He probably knows I am home. Not answering the phone is as dangerous as picking up. I can't seem to find her, my Ice Queen. That mask has been slowly slipping away and now it seems that it is gone forever. All it took was one small part of my past to alter, yet it was such an important point to me. It was something that I built my adult life on and now it feels as if someone has pulled the rug from under me. I reach over to pick up the phone remembering how this morning changed my life.
There was a dsa on my desk when I returned from my briefing. Another waste of time spent trying to justify the lack of success in bringing Jarod back to The Centre. I've never understood my fathers faith in me to bring Jarod back, he's a pretender. The Centre spent years developing his talent and then expect me to be able to go out there and drag him back. Of course they are relying on the 'connection' that Jarod and I have, a connection that The Centre manipulated. Maybe they thought I could lure Jarod back with my body, but I could never do that to him. Maybe that's why Daddy was always so disappointed in me.
There was nothing else out of place in my office and there was no note accompanying the dsa. I pocketed the shiny disc and surveyed the room one more time. There was no trace that anyone else had been since I went to the briefing twenty minutes previously. My eyes wandered to the vent, I couldn't see anything there but I had the strangest sensation of being watched. I doubted that it was Jarod - he hates The Centre as much as I do. Besides, he has other ways of getting things to me. It must have been Angelo. I nodded in the vents direction, as if to acknowledge him.
I briefly considered getting Broots to check out the disc for me but soon scratched that thought. There are too many prying eyes at The Centre and, though I trust Broots and Sydney, I don't want to take any chances. Not this time. The rest of the afternoon I spent in the lab with Syd. Broots sat in a corner behind a computer screen trying to track down the elusive pretender. Syd and I chased the afternoon away going through the lab rat's last clues, or taunts as I like to think of them. I played my usual bitch and Syd his fatherly sage. It was for the benefit of others who might be observing. I long ago stopped believing I had Syd fooled.The dsa felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket.
The afternoon had dragged on and my thoughts had kept on returning to the dsa but when I finally arrived home I began to delay the 'viewing'. I took a long shower, made myself something to eat. Played with my food for some time before binning it and hitting the scotch instead. All the while my eyes would return to the dsa player that I had set up, and to the disc lying beside it.
The first scotch went down easy, so I poured another and took the bottle over with me to settle down in front of the player. As soon as the dsa began to play I lurched forward to stop it. I knew from the first few seconds what was on the disc. The memories of that day are impregnated on my mind as clearly as the day I saw my Mom 'shot' down. And yet I let the disc play on. I knew the potential hazard in doing this. How many times have my memories been completely different to the actual true events? And I knew what the consequences of this would be, how my faith in my father, The Centre and myself has been chipped away over these past five years. If, as I suspected, there was another dimension to this then... What would I do?
~~~~~~
Young Jarod is sat at a desk. There is a figure standing above observing him, obscured by the dark corners of the lab. Jarod looks up to the man uncertainly. There is no response.
Jarod: I'm not sure I should be doing this.
Man (Raines): Jarod it's for the best. For you both. Don't you want the best for her?
Jarod: Of course I do! But I don't -
Raines: You have to convince her Jarod. She needs to get away from here and you need to concentrate on your work. All the people you help Jarod, all the good you do, think of that.
Jarod nods his head unsurely. Young Miss Parker is guided into the room. Seeing Jarod her eyes light up and she sits down at the other seat at the desk, opposite to the young boy.
Miss Parker: Hi Jarod! What's wrong, are you okay?
Jarod: I can't see you anymore.
Miss Parker: What? But why?
Jarod: I need to concentrate on my work. You distract me from that. It's for the best.
Miss Parker: But... You're joking right, this is just a joke?
Jarod: No it's not a joke, Miss Parker.
Miss Parker: But I don't understand. Why?
Miss Parker reaches out over the table. Jarod pulls his hand away when she touches him.
Jarod: I can't.
Miss Parker: I thought we were friends, Jarod?
Jarod remains stoney faced. Miss Parker lurches from her seat, heading towards the door. Jarod remains seated at the desk until Miss Parker has left.
Jarod: I didn't like doing that! She hates me now.
There are tears rolling down his cheeks.
Raines: Come on Jarod we have work to do. Miss Parker will be fine, she's going away anyway.
Jarod: Where? Where is she going?
Raines: To a school where she can be educated properly. She is going to come back a completely different person.
~~~~~~~~
The dsa ends at that point. It was what I had suspected. Well what I had come to expect recently. Ten years ago I would never have questioned anything to do with The Centre. I had long ago learned to turn a blind eye to anything that might not be good about that place, about my father and about my job. These last few years however I had began to doubt everything I knew, or thought I knew. I pick up the phone and hear Jarod's voice. I can hear the panic in his tones that he is trying to hide, but more clearly I can hear his concern. I ignore his words and think back to the dsa again.
I had thought about that day, the day Jarod and I went our seperate ways. Ever since he had came back into my life. My father had wanted me to go away to boarding school but I wasn't having any of it. After that day in the lab though, I wanted to get away. I had lost my Mom and then Jarod had rejected me. The only person I had left was my father, so I strove to please him. From that day on I did everything I could for him. I became the person I am now for him. And the chances are he's not even my real father. And, as the dsa had confirmed, he had manipulated me. Had got rid of the one person standing in his way, Jarod.
"Miss Parker, are you okay?"
I'm aware that I've started crying again. The softness in his voice pulls at my heart and my soul. These past five years it's been easy to hate him. Okay, it got harder as the time passed and I became to have some kind of trust with him. But I always had this to fall back on, how he hurt me. I guess I just wanted to hurt him back - Jarod was right that little girl is still inside me. I am just as much a pawn of The Centre as he is. I'm as screwed up as he is.
"Miss Parker, don't leave. I'll be there soon."
Oh God, he's coming round? He must be close by, I wonder if he is always close by? It feels like he is sometimes. A brief flutter of loyalty to The Centre tells me to call in the sweepers but I ignore it. Not this time. I don't even go for my gun. I fear that everything has changed now, that I can't go back, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to face that. Not without the Ice Queen. But maybe with Jarod.