Disclaimer: Kathryn and my other friend do not own anything. Especially not Kathryn, someone owns every part of her body 'cept her belly button, which you wont even get if you steal. 

Elrond's Secret Shagging Cupboard

-=-=-=-=-=-The Party Begins-=-=-=-=-=-

Ding dong! Elrond woke to the sound of his doorbell. He'd completely forgotten about his slumber party and everything else. In one of the larger room Celebrian had set up seventeen mattresses. She presented him with an invitation.

U R INVITED 2

MY SULBA PARTEE

LUV FROM L-ROND

"Uh oh!" Elrond breathed. "I wonder what else I did." Just as he was on the verge of remembering he was distracted by the vision of Celebrian in PJ's. Very small PJ's.

He looked around to see Legolas in pink boxers, nothing more, talking to Gimli who was wearing red PJ's with hearts. Frodo and Sam were wearing matching blue stripy PJ's and Merry was wearing green ones and Pippin was wearing a florescent orange nightdress.

Ding dong! Gadalf and Sauruman arrived, Gandalf in grey boxers (how boring) and Sauruman in rainbow ones (he became a hippy).

Aragorn and Boromir came skipping in arm-in-arm. Aragorn was wearing stripy flannelette PJ's and Boromir was wearing mauve boxers with 'The Horn Of Gondor' written on then. Galadriel and Celeborn came in. Galadriel wearing a U-S night dress and Celeborn was wearing a leaf. Lastly, Tom and Goldberry arrived in matching yellow PJ's.

"Just as everyone was happily socializing Arwen walked in. she had no clue about the party what so ever.

"Dad! What are you doing?" she yelled the room going silent.

"Sorry sweetie. I forgot to invite you. But you can come anyway." And Arwen stomped off.

Elrond put on his purple PJ's and goes over to Celeborn.

"Celeborn! How on Earth do you get to a hip flask behind that leaf?" exclaimed Elrond. "

"Oh, I don't keep it there. I have a special place for it." said Celeborn with a wink. :Do you want me to show you?"

"NO!" everyone shouted in unison.

"Fine then, I wont get it out of my sleeping bag." Said Celeborn and wandered off to the drinks table.

"Ohh…" said everyone. "That's where it is!"

"Of course. Where'd you think it was?" his (?) eye widened. "Oh you dirty, dirty people. Ahhh! My leaf!" shouted Celeborn from under the table, as the three Holy Fairies Of High flew in. the Athelas fairy wore a green nightdress with blue slippers. The Scone fairy wore a cream one with apricot slippers and the Pipeweed fairy wore a brown nightgown with green slippers.

"Oh no!" the fairies said. "The wind blew his leaf away!"

"Quick! Get him some pants!" Frodo shrieked like the girl he was.

"I don't have any pants!" Pippin panicked.

"I have tights!" said Legolas. "But they're in Mirkwood."

Everyone: "AWWW!"

"I have tights!" says random striper. "And I want to take them off." Athy smirked evilly.

Galadriel and Celeborn: "EWW!"

Arwen: "Dad! I can't believe you hired a stripper! You're gross." Storms off again.

Stripper: "My name is PJ's and I'm a slumba party stripper."

Aragorn and Boromir: "Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!" To each other, start stripping.

Elrond: "Please! Gentlemen!"

Merry: "I have some cabbage that could substitute as a leaf!"

Celeborn: "Tankz,"

Galadriel: "Cely, what are you still doing behind the table?"

Celeborn: "Grunt, grunt. Mumble, mumble."

PJ's: "Excuse me! I was gonna start my act now!"

Everyone: "PISS OFF!"

PJ's: "Well, then if you didn't want me why did you hire me?:

Elrond: "?"

Legolas: "I feel like dancing! Yeah!" * Enter disco ball *

Gimli: "Karaoke!"

Elrond: "Yeah! We can test the kakraoke machine I got for my birthday!"

Sam: "Me and Mister Frodo are doing 'Mulan Rouge'!"

Merry and Pippin: "We'll have 'Opps I Did It Again'."

Aragon and Boromir: "We bags 'I'm To Sexy For My Shirt'"

Gandy and Sauruman: "Can we just break dance?"

Everyone: "Yeah!"

Legolas: "I'm spinning around!"

Gimli: "I wanted that one!"

DING DONG!

Souron and Ring Wraith enter. "Sorry we're late, I had to find my PJ's."

Elrond: "Don't ever mention PJ's again!"

"Well, I couldn't find any so I brought my fluffy contact lense instead."

Gandy: "Can we get on with it?"

Everyone: "YEAH!"

Karaoke begins.

Everyone digs up snazzy, sparkly and very small costumes that they brought while going through on of their 'teenage stages' and where about to put them on when Celeborn asked "Where are Tom and Goldberry?"

"Last time I saw them they were druker than Gandalf at my 200th." Said Sauruman.

"Could we please not bring that up again?" pleaded Gandalf, looking grayer than usual.

"I remember that!" Celeborn piped in, "The hang over lasted 10 years."

"Oh yeah," said the Pipeweed Fairy. "Took more than Pipeweed to get him out of depression."

"Bad mental images," said the Scone Fairy, twitching uncontrollably.

"It wasn't her!" Sauruman covered pitifully, as he started going red.

"Eeeewwwww!" the Athelas fairy said in disgust.

"Yeah," said Gimli, "He's older than ya'll."

"Only by 2 milliseconds," Said Aragorn absentmindedly.

"And if they were in love," said Boromir, who went suggestively to lean back on Aragorn but fell over because Aragorn had gotten up and started looking for Arwen calling.

"Arwen, my love, where for art thou!"

"Too bad I never had a girlfriend," Sauron said sadly.

"Don't worry," Celeborn said sympathetically, "I'm sure you'll find someone."

"I know who I'm going home to tonight," said Sam happily.

"Yeah," added Frodo, "Me too."

"Frodo," Pippin said in the 'mental institution ' type voice. "You're single."

"Exactly," Merry said from over the air vent. "You gotta find yourself a nice little hobbity gal and settle down."
"Oh, that's what they're for!" said Frodo noticing Merry's dress floating up. "Does that feel good?"

"Excuse me!" Elrond yelled at the top of his lungs. "You guys are missing something!"

"What?" said everyone in unison for like the hundredth time in the last two pages.

"Tom and Goldberry."

"Oh!"

"I have a hunch as to where they might be," Said Elrond.

"We've lost Aragorn too," added Boromir, giving his unmentionables an itch. Legolas's lip curled up in disgust.

"Jealous, Elf boy?" said the Pipeweed-idiot-from-god-knows-where hinting that Legolas might be missing something.

"NO!" said Legolas said in defence of his privates. "I just don't do that sort of thing in public."

"Prove it then," said Athy trying to hide her big fat smirk.

"EWW!" said scony-babe. Then facing Elrond said, "Where do you think they are?"

"The cupboard!"

Everyone, minus the Holy Fairies Of High and Celebrian: "What the…"

"Oh you mean the big purple thing you called the Secret Shagging Cupboard?" ask Celebrian.

"Yes," said Elrond, "I wanted us to be the first to use it!"

"Ely!" said Celebrian. "That so sweet of you!"

"Thanks Cele-bee." Said Elrond.

It was Galadriel who interrupted this 'romantic' talk thingy. "Excuse me! I think we should look for Tom and that."

"Yes," said Celeborn, "And you elves shouldn't be like that in public, strictly speaking we're not supposed to display emotions."

"And yet Galadriel has a pet name for you," said Elrond clutching Celebrian defensively.

"I have one for her…." Said Celeborn. "Opps, stupid half elves." Elvish swearing heard.

"Sorry," said Galadriel, "He's such a tight arse."

"Well," said Gandalf. "We'd better gewt the hobbits off the airvent and start looking."

"If there's a shagging cupboard involved I think they will not want to be disturbed." Gimli said.

"Good point," said Sauron. Wraith nods.

Just then Aragon returned. "I didn't succeed in my quest!" he cried out.

"What was that?" asked Sauruman.

"Do find Arwen and do her."

"What?!" said Sauruman. "To do her in?! To kill her?"

"No," said Aragon. "Why would I wanna do that," mumbling heard. "You're too old to understand. Sauruman looks offended.

"Slang," said Boromir sounding depressed.

"Pipeweed?" PWF offered him.

"Don't have me pipe," said Boromir close to tears.

"I'm the Pipeweed Fairy dummy." The fairy replied. "I have spares." So, happily, they started smoking.

Sauruman and Gandy join in before Aragon and Gimli start smoking too.

"I smell Pipeweed." Pippin said sniffing the air.

"Me too!" the other three hobbits said excitedly. So four more started smoking.

"Sniff sniff, whimper," came the pathetic sounds of Sauron. "I can't smoke! I can't inhale Athelas! I can't even eat scones!!! How am I supposed to get high!?!?!?!?!"

"I'll ring Caitlin." The Pipeweed fairy said.

"Whose that?" asked Legolas. Confused looks came upon anyone who had at least one drop of elvish blood in them.

"Someone who is on a permanent high." PWF smirked then burst out in an evil laughter.

"Uh oh…." Says A.F. and S.F. in unison. They have no idea who Caitlin is but when PWF laughs evilly you have to duck and cover… bad things are going to happen.

Suddenly, an Evil Fiend appears and says: "I'm from PJ's mental institute, I've come to collect her."

"Thank God!" Everyone says in relief.

"Your welcome!" Said a mysterious voice.

"Its god!" some random dude shouted. "Can I have you autograph?" but there was no reply…

The Evil Fiend and PJ left.

"Now that everyone is sufficiently high," Said Elrond "We can continue our search for Tom, Goldberry and Arwen."

Evil Fiend and PJ appear again (PJ in a dog lead crawling around on all fours)

"Wait for us!" they yell.