Disclaimer: Kathryn and my other friend do not own anything. Especially not Kathryn, someone owns every part of her body 'cept her belly button, which you wont even get if you steal. 

Elrond's Secret Shagging Cupboard

-=-=-=-=-=-Thus the search begins…-=-=-=-=-=-

After ten minutes of searching Elrond says: "Oh my god! You people don't have eyes do you?"

Legolas pouted. "I have eyes!!! And they're very beautiful!!!"

"Shut up you poof!" Elrond yelled at him. "The cupboard is write there!" he pointed to a big door that seemed to glow purple. Everyone ran over to it and Aragorn opened the door. "Arwen what are… Ohh my god!" he screamed. "I thought you loved me."

Arwen kept going and said, "What we both slept with Boromir." At this point all of the males and Hobbits were extremely horny.

"So…. Can I join in?" Aragorn asked.

"Come her my love bunny." Arwen said as seductively as a high person could.

Everyone walk into the Cupboard and started to explore it. Elrond brought a Karaoke machine in and started singing 'Without Me' off key and mixed up the words as he went along.

"Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo!" yelled Sam. "There's a spa! Mr. Frodo! Can I wash your back Mr. Frodo?" Frodo shuddered (either in anticipation or horror) as Sam pulls off his clothes and put him in the spa. Merry and Boromir start to talk about Sam's weird-ness and soon evewryone in talking about him in hushed voices.

"I think Sam might be harassing Frodo." Pippin said quietly.

"Well," Merry suggested. "No one knows what Sam did to him while they were in Mordor."

"I know what happened." Said Sauron wisely. "I saw it with my own eye. It was horrible."

"What was?"  Pippin asked.

"I cannot speak of it here, in such a holy place as this."

"Well someone has to stop it!" decided Gandalf.

"I'll go, I see this kind of stuff all the time in Mirkwood." Said Legolas bravely and he walked proudly off into the spa area. Not even half a minute later there was a splash. Everyone waited and listened. A while later there was a horrible scream and everyone rushed.

"What's wrong?" Elrond asked then his eyes went wide as he saw all of them in the bath together.

Tears were running down Legolas' face as he cried: "I used the wrong shampoo. This isn't Herbal Essence!" he put his hands into his once perfect hair and shook his head screaming: "No! NO! NO!!"

When everyone was quiet and Legolas had finished his sobbing, they heard a noise in the main shag room and they all ran to see the Arwen was singing… or at least trying to. 

"Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep, Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep, But I've made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby Ooh, ooh I'm gonna keep my baby ooh He says that he's going to marry me," she pointed at both Aragorn and Boromir. "And we can raise a little family." 
At this point Elrond had passed out and Sam, Frodo and Legolas come to see what it's all about.
"Ohhh…" Says Frodo stupidly. "She got knocked up twice. Whos tha father?" 
Boromir and Aragorn both yell: "I am!" and start to beat each other up. 
 
With Arwen found the search for Tom and Goldberry continued. Strange noises could be heard from distant corner of the shagging cupboard. 
"On wards!" Pointed Elrond and the group followed but some we slower than others. "Merry! Pippin!! Will you too stop doing Marilyn Monroe impersonations on the heat vent! You do it on EVERY heat vent we passed and you slowing down the search for Tom and Goldberry!" Legolas complained. 
"We found them!" shouted Gimli.
"RUN!" shouted Elrond. 
"YOU!" shouted PWF
"TOOK!" yelled SF
"OUR!" yelled AF
"DRUGS!" they shouted together.
"Did someone call me?" said Pippin. "Who said Took?" 
"Shut up!" hissed Elrond. 
Tom and Goldberry had infact not been using the cupboard for it original purpose. They had gone though the Fairies bags while they were changing from their traveling outfits to their standard 'out fits' and their 'spares'. The fairies weren't at all pleased about this and put a spell on the two that is said in crap Harry Potter langue: "notis touchis alcoholis sixuis monthis", so that they wouldn't be about to touch alcohol for six months/ 
As the fairies were walking out of the cupboard the Athelas fairy saw a mirror and got caught.
"Don't bother," said the other two fairies as someone went to drag her away from it. "She wont move for ages."
They left and closed the door saying something about a buffet. Just as then there was a noise, Boromir had rang into a wall. "He-hic-ey." He said slowly. "Do some-hic- one spike –hic- the punch?" 
All three fairies and Elrond looked guilty. 
"In the kitchen earlier…" said AF
"No one was looking…" said PWF
"I told the caterer…" said Elrond. 
"Ummm…" said SF. 
"Hey where did Gandalf and Saruman go?" asked a hobbit. 
Elrond put his hands together and looked heavenward. "Please not break dancing…" he randomly prayed. 
"Perhaps they're going to do some party tricks for us?" said a lawn ornament. 
"Just as long as they don't break dance.." said Elrond with a sigh. 
Currently no one was doing much. The fairies were adding substances to the food and sticking signs to peoples back, but this hurt no ones feeling since they were all business cards for the "3 Holy Fairies Of High". 
Elrond was on his knees praying that the wizards wouldn't break dance. This was because his imagination had made him believe that if the started break dancing they would do it in the boxers only. And if the did it in their boxers the elastic that usually keep them on would have too much stress applied to it and would snap causing their boxers to fall down. Under normal circumstances this would be funny…. But if they were break dancing everyone would be blind for weeks.
The Hobbitd were all wearing nightdresses. Pippin had been in on from the beginning, Merry had changed before the search and the heat vent incident and the other two had change since they didn't want to be left out, and from somewhere they had managed to get cowboy hats and were currently line dancing on a table. Arwen was talking to a very bashed up and very drunk Aragorn and Boromir about what the baby/babies should be called. 
"Well it can't be Aragorn or Boromir since I don't like those names…. What are your middle names?" 
"Son of." They both replied. 
"A bitch!" Pippin yelled and all four Hobbits fell off the table in laughter. 
"Never mind we'll finish this later…" Arwen said as pretty lights started flashing and some terrible music started playing. Elrond pray harder. 
"Introdusssssssing, Ssssssaruman and Gandalf, the amazzzzing party wizards, my preciousssssssssssss." Said a voice that sounded a lot like Gollum. 
"Thank you!" shouted Elrond.
"And after we do our tricks we'll breakdance." Said a voice from the corridor. It was Gandalf. 
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Elrond. 
The magic performance went without too many problems, except for a lawn ornament accusing them of cheating. This ment the wizards had to stop for a while to attach it to the roof with nails. However the sheer weight of its stomach caused him to fall down and into a bowl of punch causing it to become very, very drunk. 
Then the wizards started to break dance. 
"EVERYONE GET DOWN!!!!!!!!" screamed Elrond. 
Eventually after the typer got totally confused with the sudden change with what was happening 
And everyone stayed down for at least half an hour when everyone got bored.