I train every day. I always did, but now I push myself harder and longer than I ever thought possible. It's the only way to get through the day, and at night I prowl and hunt. Sleep becomes an option only when I can no longer go on, because with sleep comes dreaming, and every night I see Adam and Emma, clinging to each other, watching me. I feel that they're there to keep me safe, but they don't know how much it hurts to see them and not be able to touch them, speak to them. I know I'll mourn them forever.
But the mission goes on. That's what Adam would have wanted. I only wish I could tell him we haven't given up, that we never will. I wish I could take back the terrible things I said to him before I went to NaxCon. I loved Adam more than my own father. Adam was my father, certainly more so than Nicholas Fox ever was.
I sent Nicholas away after the destruction of NaxCon. It was heartless. He'd lost everything. But I couldn't look at his face anymore. I couldn't hear him say Adam's name, knowing how much he hated him. How much he hated my mutation. Maybe someday we can reconcile, but that day is not now, with this pain in my heart so fresh and all-consuming.
I worry about the guys. Jesse seems to be getting it together; he threw himself into Adam's work, and I feel pretty confident that it will go on. It's more far-flung now, but our central mission remains the same: rescue as many mutants as we can, make things as right in this world as we can. Brennan has more or less taken over as leader of the team, but I worry about him. He seems older now, more careworn under the burden of leadership. He's looked out for us. I don't know that Jess and I could have made it without him. But the toll on him must have been horrendous.
As much as I mourn Emma, I know Brennan misses her more. She was like a sister to all of us, but she was the only one who completely understood Brennan and accepted him for what he was. She could get to him when none of the rest of us could. Those walls of his were coming down, but without her, I don't think he'll ever be open to anyone again. My heart aches, because I know I could have loved him. Maybe I still can. Someday. Not yet.
Brennan's looking for new team members. He says we need to broaden our range of powers, and Jesse agrees, so I haven't objected. With only three of us, maybe we are stretched too thin, so we do need backup we can depend on. But I have my doubts I don't know where he's going to get somebody like that, and I don't know what will happen to the dynamic between the three of us when someone new comes in. Brennan knows a lot of people in the underworld, people with street smarts and the courage to take risks. Even in his wound-up state, I trust him to do what he thinks he's right. He burns with fierce determination, as if he's trying to make something up to Adam. But still. . .
That night, on the shore outside of NaxCon, with chaos going on all around us, Brennan held me. I was as cold as ice, as cold as death, sitting there staring at the flames eating up what was left of my father's company. Nicholas had tried to talk to me, but I refused to answer him, I couldn't answer him. My eyes were on the running lights of boats in the water, searching for survivors, and all I could think was: Emma's out there. If not for Brennan's strong arms around me, I might have flung myself into the water to search for her myself. Adam was dead, so Emma couldn't be dead too.
They never found her. In a small, secret part of my heart, I still hope she's alive. My head tells me it isn't so, but my heart will keep hoping.
But the mission goes on. That's what Adam would have wanted. I only wish I could tell him we haven't given up, that we never will. I wish I could take back the terrible things I said to him before I went to NaxCon. I loved Adam more than my own father. Adam was my father, certainly more so than Nicholas Fox ever was.
I sent Nicholas away after the destruction of NaxCon. It was heartless. He'd lost everything. But I couldn't look at his face anymore. I couldn't hear him say Adam's name, knowing how much he hated him. How much he hated my mutation. Maybe someday we can reconcile, but that day is not now, with this pain in my heart so fresh and all-consuming.
I worry about the guys. Jesse seems to be getting it together; he threw himself into Adam's work, and I feel pretty confident that it will go on. It's more far-flung now, but our central mission remains the same: rescue as many mutants as we can, make things as right in this world as we can. Brennan has more or less taken over as leader of the team, but I worry about him. He seems older now, more careworn under the burden of leadership. He's looked out for us. I don't know that Jess and I could have made it without him. But the toll on him must have been horrendous.
As much as I mourn Emma, I know Brennan misses her more. She was like a sister to all of us, but she was the only one who completely understood Brennan and accepted him for what he was. She could get to him when none of the rest of us could. Those walls of his were coming down, but without her, I don't think he'll ever be open to anyone again. My heart aches, because I know I could have loved him. Maybe I still can. Someday. Not yet.
Brennan's looking for new team members. He says we need to broaden our range of powers, and Jesse agrees, so I haven't objected. With only three of us, maybe we are stretched too thin, so we do need backup we can depend on. But I have my doubts I don't know where he's going to get somebody like that, and I don't know what will happen to the dynamic between the three of us when someone new comes in. Brennan knows a lot of people in the underworld, people with street smarts and the courage to take risks. Even in his wound-up state, I trust him to do what he thinks he's right. He burns with fierce determination, as if he's trying to make something up to Adam. But still. . .
That night, on the shore outside of NaxCon, with chaos going on all around us, Brennan held me. I was as cold as ice, as cold as death, sitting there staring at the flames eating up what was left of my father's company. Nicholas had tried to talk to me, but I refused to answer him, I couldn't answer him. My eyes were on the running lights of boats in the water, searching for survivors, and all I could think was: Emma's out there. If not for Brennan's strong arms around me, I might have flung myself into the water to search for her myself. Adam was dead, so Emma couldn't be dead too.
They never found her. In a small, secret part of my heart, I still hope she's alive. My head tells me it isn't so, but my heart will keep hoping.