Act I Scene I
Scene: Hogwarts a public place
Dennis: Look Lee, the owl post is coming! I wonder what I got!
Lee: Probably some pellets and maybe the occasional howler…if you're lucky.
Dennis: Really? Wow! I hope I get one of those!
Lee: No, you don't. If by 'those' you mean a howler.
Dennis: …Right. Anyway, so what are the rules here?
Lee: Well, let's see here: Go the Forbidden Forest as much as possible, it's great fun. And if you really want to have a good time, go to the 3rd and 4th corridor at night; they throw the best parties.
Dennis: Wow! Thanks for the tips, J!
Lee: Lee..It's Lee.
Dennis: So, J, anything else I should know about?
Lee: Yes, Dennis, there is. You see, this school is made up of four houses: Gryffindor, Huffelpuff, Ravenclaw, and…Slytherin, where he who must not be named attended.
Dennis: Oh, you mean Voldermort?
Lee: (shudders) Yes, but please don't say his name. Anyway, as you may already tell, those in Slytherin aren't exactly the people you want to have tea with.
Dennis: What about a nice game of exploding snap?
Lee: Let's put it this way, they'd even give Harry Potter a run for his money.
Dennis: Ooh! Harry Potter? My brother's told me so much about him. He's brave, funny, a great seeker, and does he really have that-
Lee: Yes, Dennis he does. Now can we get back to what I was saying?! Anyway, those Slytherins mean business, they're bad blood. Or pureblood if you will. Most will leave you alone unless they find something wrong with you. So in that case, disregard my last comment.
Dennis: Do they flick their wands?
Lee: They flick their wands.
Dennis: Do they flick their wands at us?
Lee: They do flick their wands at us.
Dennis: Do you flick your wand at me?
Lee: I will if you don't stop mimicking Shakespeare!
Enter Goyle
Speaking of flicking our wands, here comes our favorite weight watching wizard now!
Dennis: Really? Can I have your autograph?
Lee: No!! He's a Slytherin!
Dennis: Oh…(pauses). Do you flick your wand?
(Lee Jordan shakes his head in disgust)
Goyle: (with a mouthful of food) Oh, you'f taugh the hittle first year ho hate us? (swallows) Draw! (pulls out wand)
Enter Harry
Dennis: Harry!
Harry: Dennis, what are you doing here? Lee? Goyle! Now I see what's going on. Draw your wand! (Goyle and Harry draw their wands)
Dennis: I knew it! You do flick your wands!
Enter Granger's, Malfoy's, and class prefect
Percy (prefect): What's this? All of you, back to your common rooms now!
Scene: Hogwarts a public place
Dennis: Look Lee, the owl post is coming! I wonder what I got!
Lee: Probably some pellets and maybe the occasional howler…if you're lucky.
Dennis: Really? Wow! I hope I get one of those!
Lee: No, you don't. If by 'those' you mean a howler.
Dennis: …Right. Anyway, so what are the rules here?
Lee: Well, let's see here: Go the Forbidden Forest as much as possible, it's great fun. And if you really want to have a good time, go to the 3rd and 4th corridor at night; they throw the best parties.
Dennis: Wow! Thanks for the tips, J!
Lee: Lee..It's Lee.
Dennis: So, J, anything else I should know about?
Lee: Yes, Dennis, there is. You see, this school is made up of four houses: Gryffindor, Huffelpuff, Ravenclaw, and…Slytherin, where he who must not be named attended.
Dennis: Oh, you mean Voldermort?
Lee: (shudders) Yes, but please don't say his name. Anyway, as you may already tell, those in Slytherin aren't exactly the people you want to have tea with.
Dennis: What about a nice game of exploding snap?
Lee: Let's put it this way, they'd even give Harry Potter a run for his money.
Dennis: Ooh! Harry Potter? My brother's told me so much about him. He's brave, funny, a great seeker, and does he really have that-
Lee: Yes, Dennis he does. Now can we get back to what I was saying?! Anyway, those Slytherins mean business, they're bad blood. Or pureblood if you will. Most will leave you alone unless they find something wrong with you. So in that case, disregard my last comment.
Dennis: Do they flick their wands?
Lee: They flick their wands.
Dennis: Do they flick their wands at us?
Lee: They do flick their wands at us.
Dennis: Do you flick your wand at me?
Lee: I will if you don't stop mimicking Shakespeare!
Enter Goyle
Speaking of flicking our wands, here comes our favorite weight watching wizard now!
Dennis: Really? Can I have your autograph?
Lee: No!! He's a Slytherin!
Dennis: Oh…(pauses). Do you flick your wand?
(Lee Jordan shakes his head in disgust)
Goyle: (with a mouthful of food) Oh, you'f taugh the hittle first year ho hate us? (swallows) Draw! (pulls out wand)
Enter Harry
Dennis: Harry!
Harry: Dennis, what are you doing here? Lee? Goyle! Now I see what's going on. Draw your wand! (Goyle and Harry draw their wands)
Dennis: I knew it! You do flick your wands!
Enter Granger's, Malfoy's, and class prefect
Percy (prefect): What's this? All of you, back to your common rooms now!