A/N: I re-wrote this because I wasn't satisfied with the first one. I had it all worked out in my head but I don't think I write it as well. Hopefully this one is better. If you'd R/R I'd really appreciate it, thanks! Thanks to Hearts Desire, Raven's Wings and JadziaKathryn for reviewing the first time! ::big hugs:: lol
The doctor entered quietly. It is always hard for a physician to tell someone they have to say goodbye, but this was exceptionally difficult. He placed his hand on the man's shoulder and he immediately awakened. He sat up quickly. He looked much older than his age. But that was to be expected with the schedule he had kept. The last three weeks must have been torture for him. He was either on the bridge or sitting up with her in sickbay. This must have been the first sleep he's had in at least a week.
"Doctor?"
"She doesn't have much longer I'm sorry."
He sighed and stood up. "Thank you Doctor, for all the work and time you've spent trying--" He choked, his eyes burned with tears and he paused. A pained look crossed the Doctor's holographic face as he placed a reassuring hand on the Commander's shoulder.
"Thank you Doctor. We really appreciate what you've done."
"Chakotay," he sighed, "I wish I could do more. Maybe if we had gotten to her sooner..."
Chakotay focused his eyes on the floor and ran a hand through his slightly dishelved hair. She didn't deserve this. He told her not to go on that mission. The planet was hostile and the inhabitants were untrustworthy. When he finally forced Tuvok to transport her back it was too late. The bastards had already hurt her and left her to die. "How much time does she have, exactly?"
"Not much Chakotay. Ten, maybe fifteen minutes I presume. You're the last one left to see her."
"What about Katie?" Chakotay asked nervously, eyes still on the floor.
"B'Elanna already brought Katie in to see her. They just finished and are now waiting out in the hall." He continued in a voice no louder than a whisper, "It's time for you to say goodbye Chakotay." He quickly pulled Chakotay into a tight hug. Solemn and stone-faced, Chakotay pulled away and nodded. The Doctor lingered a moment longer before leaving the commander alone with his wife.
Chakotay took a deep breath although he knew nothing could calm him now. Everyone of her waking moments he had spent with her but the doctor was right, it was time to say goodbye. He moved slowly from the Doctor's office towards her bed. His throat was tight. The lump that had remained there the last few weeks was now growing larger. This would be the last time he saw her. This wasn't how he'd remember her though. She was very still. Her skin was very pale and she was extremely thin. Her cheeks were hollow and her hair was unusually dull and limp and falling over her face. Her eyes however... her eyes were the same piercing blue they always were. He was greatful she and Katie shared that feature.
Slowly, quietly, he approached her. Her eyes fluttered open.
"Chakotay."
"Hello Kathryn." He sat on the bed beside her and immediately took her hand. "I'm so sorry." He tried, he tried with all he had, but he couldn't stop the tears from falling. He looked away, ashamed he was being the weak one when she was lying here dying.
She reached up and touched his face. He brought his eyes back to hers and saw she was crying too. "This is not your fault Chakotay, none of this is your fault." She whispered as she slowly traced the lines of his tattoo. He bent down and kissed her gently. He lingered there a moment taking in the scent of her. She took his head in her hands. "You have to take care of her now Chakotay.
"I'll tell her about you everyday Kathryn." He whispered. She smiled but then layed her head back against the pillow, a pained expression crossed her face.
"I'm... I'm scared Chakotay." She closed her eyes and her face visibly tightened. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. He fingered her gold wedding band for a moment. He noticed Kathryn wore a small smile on her face. Continuing to hold her hand in his, ignoring his queasy stomach and his tight throat, he began to sing to her the same old song they had chosen to put Katie to sleep the day Katie was born, only a little over three years ago.
"Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby
Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby
Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby..."
He stoped as he witnessed a tremor run through her body.
"It's time Chakotay."
"No!" He gripped her hands is if that would keep her from leaving. His chin was trembling. "No, Kathryn please don't." He could barely speak he was so choked up.
"Chakotay, I love you." Her voice came out clear and firm.
"I love you--"
The monotonus tone of the monitor cut through him like a knife.
"--too."
He continued to sit there grasping her hands, completly unaware of time, watching her intently hoping this was only a dream and she would open her eyes as tears began to pour out of his. When the realization of his reality hit him he hugged her now lifeless body to him. Emotion flooded him and his body became racked with sobs. He kissed her forehead, "I love you Kathryn Janeway," he whispered into her hair.
Finally, he stood up and slowly headed out out of the room. Outside Tom had joined B'Elanna who waited, Katie sitting next to her. Chakotay nodded and B'Elanna brought her hand to her mouth and turned into Tom's arms hiding her tears. Tom could see the pain reflecting in Chakotay's eyes. His sadness and sympathy for his new Captain reflected from his.
Chakotay bent down and picked up his young daughter. She solemnly looked into her dad's face and then into sickbay.
"G'bye mommy," she said. Although not understanding quite why, she knew her mother was not comming back.
Chakotay hugged her, kissed the top of her head and walked down the corridor together.
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