**I promised myself I wouldn't do it for this story but…FAVOURITE CHAPTER!!!**

Scully wanted to look away but the sight of tears flowing freely from her partner's eyes was hypnotising.  Listening to every word he uttered she went through an array of emotions as his story progressed but now only felt pride.  Proud of him for opening up so much to her, revealing his worries and memories like no one had ever done and she suspected, correctly, it was a first for him too.

"Mulder I…I," she struggled to find the right words to comfort him. 

            No sound came with his tears and it was as if he didn't notice they were falling.  She glanced down to their hands that were still interlocked on his lap; her smaller one cupped between his two large but gentle hands. 

"It was my first reality…a taste of reality that I didn't shy away from," he began softly, his eyes looking out the window blankly.  "I faced up to it and challenged my father for the first time that night.  I don't think we ever recovered from it."

"The lines of authority are often blurred in the teenage relationship with parents."

"No Scully it was bigger than that."

            He shook his head slowly and finally turned around to face her.  He tried to smile but it only looked like he was wincing.

"I finally started to admit to myself about what happened to Samantha.  My family had been living like she was at summer camp and we were waiting for her to walk in the door with stories of fires and canoeing…but she never did."

            Scully felt her fingers tightening around his as he spoke ever so quietly about his sister. 

"That night I gained a new sense of power…a sense that I could do something, make a difference as long as I didn't hang around and wait for it…not to be helpless, that's the key Scully."

            He looked straight into her eyes and she was momentarily shocked at the power and passion that radiated from them.

"That summer I followed the case of the serial killer that had attacked the girl that night," he continued, looking away before she could read too much.  "It fascinated me the lengths he had gone to, to trick his victims and convince them of his good standing, only to brutally murder them after severe sexual abuse."

            His face suddenly became alive as he began to speak about the hours he spent at the police station bugging the detectives for information on the killer and what he had done.

"I fell in love with the way the mind worked, how, in his case, bad treatment from family had led him to act out his rage on strangers and I wondered why I hadn't turned out like that…what was going through the minds of the…people that took Samantha…I couldn't get enough of it."

"So you went to study psychology in Oxford," she said with a small smile.

"Well should I ever analyse myself I can only say it was more a need to escape than a need to educate."

"How did your parents react when you told them you were going to Europe?"

"I was living with my mother and hardly saw my father so, it was never an issue."

"Did you miss it?"

"There wasn't exactly a home to miss," he said derisively.  "My father wanted to move out as soon as…it happened…but my mum refused to go."

"I can understand the need to stay close to whatever she could."

"It consumed her…it always will until the day she dies."

            The mood turned sombre again and Scully was immediately regretful for pushing the subject that was so tender for him only now.  They looked away from each other and let the sound of the rain fill the car for seconds then minutes.  He took a sideways glance at her and saw she looking down to her knees, picking an imaginary piece of fluff from them.  He gave her hand a short sharp squeeze until she looked up into his smile.  It was warm and welcoming and she returned it freely.

"God Scully…I love you," he muttered, still smiling.  But as the words tumbled candidly from his lips he froze and wondered briefly if he had said it aloud or not.

            When she looked up to his smile it seemed only natural to answer it with one of her own but when she heard his words, for a second she thought she imagined them, until the look of fear passed over his still smiling face.

"Sorry…I didn't mean that…" he stammered but then as those words sunk in he blushed and tried again, "I mean I did mean it but I didn't mean to…"

"Mulder are you blushing?" she asked needing to point out the occasion that was so rare between them.

"Blushing? no, is it hot in here?" he asked rolling the window down a touch and welcoming the fine spray from the rain to cool down his deepening colour.

"Why Fox Mulder I do believe you are blushing, over little ole me!" she teased enjoying his struggle for composure.

            But Mulder decided enough was enough turned to her fully, still holding her hand and bending one of his legs beneath him to face her more.  Her smile stalled at the look in his eyes and the grin that began to stretch across his face.

"Scully you and I both know that whatever-."

"Car 1175 this is base, do you copy?" the CB radio crackled to life cutting his words off before he had a chance to finish.

"This is Agent Mulder, what's up?" he said after he reached to the transmitter.

"The surveillance has been called off, stakeout's over.  You can go home."

"What happened?"

"The suspect has been found dead at McKinley Park, looks like execution killing.  Meeting in the bullpen tomorrow at 11am."

"Okay, Mulder and Scully signing off."

            He replaced the transmitter and looked over to Scully who was logging the book and slipping her coat on.

"Well Scary Scully, looks like we've been released from our duties."

"Good."
"You'll get to crawl into your bed sooner than you thought," he said.

"Yes…but after going home early for a rest today I'm not one bit tired."

"Well…" Mulder thought he knew an invite when he heard one and ventured forward.  "Do you want to go for something proper to eat?"

"Aren't you full?" she asked, holding out the two empty seed packets.

"Appetizers Scully…only appetizers!"

"I dunno I'd kind of like to go home, relax, take the shoes off, you know."

"Yeah I guess, it is pretty late, he said spying the clock on the dashboard as it read 2.45 am.

"So if you wouldn't mind eating a pizza or something we could eat at my place?" she suggested, partially afraid of him finishing what he started, partially afraid of him pushing it away.

"Sure, but I don't have my car, I need to leave this here for Lawson in the morning."

"Come on, my car is across the road."

            They dashed through the rain and jumped into her car, laughing at  their stiff movements and tousled hair.  Mulder rang the pizza place while she drove and they were only in her apartment five minutes when it arrived at her door.  As she changed out of her wet clothes into a pair of black linen trousers and a tee shirt, Mulder paid for the food and brought it into the living room where she found him already biting into a slice.

"Don't wait or anything," she called jokingly as she went in to the kitchen to get two glasses.  "Milk or wine Mulder?"

"What, no beer?"

"Just trying to bring some class into your life," she retorted as she grabbed two bottles of beer and joined him on the couch.

"Lovely thanks," he said when he took the bottle from her as she slid down to the floor by his legs.

"I left out some stuff for you to change into on my bed, your clothes are soaking."

"I'll go after this slice," he said and folded the pizza in half to make it easier to bite.

"Go now Mulder before you catch a cold," she ordered with a slap on his shin.

            Begrudgingly he got up and went into her bedroom where he found a pair of tracksuit bottoms, socks and a US NAVY branded tee shirt.  A towel had been draped over the end of the bed and he quickly patted his body dry before changing.  Taking his wet clothes out to the kitchen he put them into a paper bag and left them by the door, before going back to the couch.

"Are these yours?" he asked tugging on the end of his top.

"Hardly Mulder, I always keep men's clothes here, you never know when you'll need them."

            He froze with a slice of pizza half way to his mouth when he spotted her smile.

"Funny Scully!"

"Sorry Mulder, but you should have seen your face," she said laughing and leaning back onto the couch.  "They're Bills, he left them here ages ago."

"Think I'd make a good Navy man?" he asked puffing out his chest to emphasise the NAVY tag.

"No Mulder, it's all about rules and regulations.  You wouldn't last two weeks."

"I suppose not," he admitted reaching for another slice.

"But I bet you'd look really good in the uniform."

            She had uttered it so quietly that he wasn't sure she had said it but when he realised she did he wasn't sure if she was joking.  Looking at her but seeing only the side of her face he was none the wiser so he let it drop, cursing himself for doing so.  They finished the pizza and cleared away the box before settling into the couch with the TV turned on but with the volume low.  She sat low on the couch with her head resting back and her legs stretched out in front of her crossed on the table.

"I really enjoyed tonight," he said plainly, shuffling on the couch, turning towards her and stretching his arm along the back of it, resting it near where her head lay.

"Yeah?"

"I know it was a waste of the taxpayers money and all," he joked making her smile with a little laugh, "but I enjoyed hearing your story and telling you mine."

"Me too," she admitted letting her head loll to the side towards him.

            He lifted his hand off the couch and touched the top of her head softly, twirling her damp hair between her fingers.  He could feel his heart racing with self-control and hoped he could make it last.

"We should do it more often."

"Talk?"

"Talk properly.  We've known each other for how many years Scully? Four?"

"Yeah," she said wondering where he was going with this train of thought.

"I trust you with my life and yet there is so much stuff I don't know about you."

"A lady has to have some mystery, Mulder!"

            He chuckled and watched the way her hair wrapped around his fingers.

"Sometimes there can be too much mystery and not enough honesty," she added softly.  His fingers stalled and she glanced up to him only to find him watching her.

"I've never been anything but honest with you Scully."

"I wish I could say the same."

            A hot wave coursed though his body in anticipation of what she was about to say.  He'd never known her to lie; she had made a point of always telling him things the way they were, no matter how blunt she needed to be.

"What do you mean?" he dared to ask.

"Mulder you said it yourself, we've known each other for so long, worked together, laughed together, hurt together…but how well do we really know each other?"

"I guess not very well?"

"Boxers or briefs?" she asked her face so still and serious that he wasn't sure he'd heard her right.

"What?"

"Which is it Mulder?" this time asking with a devilish smile.

"You already know the answer to that one."

"Yeah, I know," blushing now she sat up away from his tender caresses into her hair and sat back against the couch.

"What about you?"

"I'm not a fan of boxers, they tend to bunch."

"No I meant…" he laughed setting free a delicious sound into the room filling it with the husky sound of his voice.  She couldn't help but laugh quietly herself loving the freedom in his release.

"I'm sorry Mulder, but I've always found it hard to share, to be open…"

"You do okay with me."

"You only see what I let you see," she added looking away from his intense gaze and shuffling uncomfortably on the couch.

"You think?" he challenged.  Her eyes darted up to meet his and he saw the panic beneath her usually calm surface.  "I think I see more than you think I do."

"What do you mean?"

"You might forget that I'm a psychologist…I pick up things."

"Things?" she said struggling to get the quiver out of her voice. "Like what?"

"Like how you know I want to kiss you right now."

            His voice was thick with tension and she could feel his body so close and yet he wasn't touching her.  Her eyes fixed to a point just over the fireplace and she couldn't move them.  Couldn't risk looking up to him, meeting his eyes.  She imagined them to be wide with anticipation of her response, his pupils big and open drinking in her image, storing it for later inspection.

"Scully?" he asked, bending his head to try to see her face.

"Mmm?"

"Look at me."

            Slowly she turned her head towards him and he met her with wide enquiring eyes.  She resisted the urge to smile at her correct assumption and focused on an area just below his right eye.

"Well? Was I right?"

"Mulder I don't think it's appropriate-," she began.

"Scully I know it's not but I have to say it.  I want to be totally honest with you and that's all I ask in return."

"Honesty?"

"That's all I've ever wanted."

"That's all?" her eyes made a shaky journey to his lips and back up to his burning hazel eyes and she smiled, a small curve pulling her lips slightly apart and it drove him crazy.

            He moved forward and stopped just in front of her, his lips hovering over hers, their breath mingling in short sharp breaths.

"Maybe not all…" he whispered before closing the distance and kissing her cautiously.   He held back as much he could, trying desperately to keep it tender and not show the hunger he felt for fear of scaring her.

            But her hands moved up from her lap and traced their way tenderly up his torso, one rested on his chest while the other buried into his hair, silently urging him to deepen the kiss, which he did without hesitation.  His tongue slipped past her lips easily and she moaned softly at the sensation it caused.  But when she felt her own throat trembling with desire it seemed to waken her to what was happening.  He seemed to sense her reluctance and carefully he pulled away from her, his eyes looking down to her swollen kissed lips. Her hands came away from him and she absently touched her mouth with her fingertips, her mind racing her heart as they both throbbed endlessly.

"Scully? You okay?" he asked softly.

"Okay…yes…I'm okay."

"I'm sorry-," he began but she looked up to him with a look in her eyes that he hadn't seen before stopping any words that lurked on his lips.

"Sorry for kissing me?"

"No, I'm not sorry for that, I'm sorry if you didn't-."

"Oh I did Mulder, believe me I did."

            A silence grew between them and lingered for a few moments as they both sat in their own thoughts. 

"So much for honesty," he muttered as he sat up off the couch and straightened his clothes, suddenly uncomfortable.

"What?"

"For the first time we admit…I admit…to you how I feel, what I feel every time I'm near you and always when I'm not and look where it gets us?" he said unable to hide the anger from his voice.  "Stifled silence and broken thoughts."

"Mulder," she said standing to meet him but being barefoot she was so small and came only up to his chest.  "I'm sorry if I wasn't every thing you imagined but the difference is I'm a real person…with real feelings and real fears."

"Don't you think I feel them too?" he said backing away from her, as the need to touch her and kiss her was all but overwhelming.  "You don't get to have a monopoly on those fears Scully."

"That's rich coming from you," she said matching his anger as her fear churned into something more carnal.

"What does that mean?" he said twirling around on his heel and facing her fully, his hands resting on his hips.

"Mulder you can't say all this to me and expect me to just go "okay let's go to bed", it doesn't work like that."

"I didn't think it did, honesty Scully that's what I said."

"Honesty? If I was to be honest…" she began quietly.

"You'd be so vulnerable…to me…do you trust me?" he interrupted softly.

"Yes, you know I do. I trust you with my life."

"With your heart?"

"My heart…I don't know…I don't…"

"Scully, I'd never do anything to hurt you.  I'm always there for you, I always will be." He stepped closer to her.

"I know."

"So will you let me in?" Taking another step he stood directly in front of her, their bodies only centimetres from touching.

"In to the dark realm of my soul…" she said lightly making him smile.

"No that would be me."

"Mulder I don't know what I can give you."

"I'll take anything you have to offer…be that your friendship…or something more."

"I'll give you everything I have Mulder, sure you have most of it already," she said with a shy smile.

"I do?" His hands ran down the length of her arms and he locked their fingers together.

"My trust, my respect, my friendship."

"All I need now is your kiss," he said before bending his head and touching his lips gently to hers.  When she returned it he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, afraid to loosen the grip in case she stepped away.

            Finally when they parted he looked down to her face delighted to see it awash with pleasure, her eyes were half closed and the fear she wore earlier was dispelled into the wet night.

"God Mulder…I love you," she whispered, unable to stop her self but suddenly glad she didn't.

"I know Scully, I know," he said with a smile as he pulled her into a tight hug and held her against him.  She snaked her arms around his body and they stayed like that for a long time, simply holding each other, swaying in the dimly lit room shaking their fears away.

"You do?"

"Of course Scully, it's like a mirror of emotions…I see in you only what I feel myself."

"How long have you known?" she asked shifting in the circle of his arms to look up at him.

"I guess I always knew but I only admitted it myself recently."

"Why?"

"Because I was tired of suppressing the urge to kiss you."

"Me too," she whispered.

            He smiled and reached down for another kiss and she stepped up on her tiptoes to save him from bending so far down but he brought his arms lower and lifted her off the ground holding her against him as he walked over to the couch.  When he sat down he pulled her onto his lap where she landed with a giggle into his kiss.

"Thank god for honesty."

"And for your impatience."

            They kissed again this time more free, as their hands explored as well as their tongues and neither of them noticed when the rain stopped and the sun began to creep into the room.

** "Writers hate writing but love to have written" – Stephan King.  I never really got that quote until I wrote this piece.  It was probably the toughest piece I've written (dunno why!) and parts of it I didn't enjoy but I'm glad I did it and reading it over now I quite like it.  Thanks for the great feedback ;) **