Disclaimer: Nearly all the characters portrayed here belong to JKR, not me. I wish they did, which would mean I would be rich, but they don't, so I'm not.
A/N: Thanks to Sunglow for beta reading, and everyone out there who has taken the time to review. OK, some nice juicy lemons in this chapter, and please don't flame me for leaving it where I have. I don't get my copy of OOTP until at least Friday, so please – NO SPOILERS!
Sev and the Family Snape
Chapter 14 – Stags and Hens Shouldn't Mix
Romanian Dragon Colony
Kailani stepped out of her room and ran lightly down the corridor to Sage's quarters. Tapping on the door, she waited until she heard his voice telling her to enter. She quickly opened it, hoping to catch a glimpse of him without his shirt. Apart from spending every evening together, he hadn't attempted to take their relationship any further than a few kisses before retiring to their respective rooms. Damn, he was just tucking his shirt into his relatively new dragonhide trousers. Working with the dragons, he'd had to change his style of dressing to the more or less uniform of the dragon keepers. No flapping robes because of the fire risk, and the trousers and jacket allowed for more freedom when exercising the beasts. His hair was plaited at the sides and then drawn back to be tied at the back of his head, allowing the rest to fall almost to his waist. She'd seen many an admiring glance cast his way and had surprised herself by feeling possessive of him. She put it down to the fact that she was the one to discover his talent.
They'd spent the last month together with Charlie, using Sage's ability to communicate with the more difficult dragons, and had found all three of them worked well together as a team. She had caught Charlie giving him wistful glances occasionally, but soon realised he didn't have any romantic designs on him.
"Ready to go?" she shook herself out of her retrospection to see him standing in front of her.
"Sure. We have that Horntail coming in today; nasty beast that it is."
"They seem all right to me." Sage shrugged his jacket on.
"That's because you can talk to them."
"So can you."
"Only really to Nero. The others just seem to give off emotions."
"The Swedish Short-Snout liked you."
"Because it didn't singe my arse off?"
"Yes. And I'm pleased it didn't, because I rather like your backside." It was the first time in a month that Sage had said anything remotely suggestive.
"The feelings mutual, I assure you." She grinned and watched as he tucked his wand up his sleeve.
"So when are you going to let me take you to dinner?" he asked. Kailani stared at him.
"I'm not the one preventing you from asking me," She said.
"No? Then why is Charlie always with us?"
"Are you telling me you want to get me alone?"
"Of course."
"Why didn't you say anything last night?"
"Would you have listened?"
"Hmmph. We'll have to finish this conversation over dinner tonight, we really haven't got time for it now." She huffed. He stopped in front of her, lifting her chin so she was looking at him. He leant forward and pressed a firm kiss on her mouth.
"I wouldn't have come to Romania if I wasn't interested in you, Kailani. I just don't believe in rushing things."
"Now he tells me!" she rolled her eyes, "So how long do I have to wait?"
"Oh, I think we've got to know each other pretty well by now. And there's nothing to stop you making the first move, you know. I have no problem at all with liberated witches." He pulled her into his arms.
"No?" she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"No."
"Can't wait for tonight then."
"Will Charlie be all right on his own?"
"I'm sure he won't mind being abandoned for once." She tangled her fingers in his hair and tugged gently, "Kiss me again."
"As you wish, Miss O'Connor." And he complied. Before it could get out of control, he drew back and rubbed his nose gently against hers. "Later." Was all he said and opened the door for her to precede him.
Other dragon keepers greeted them as they walked down to the pens holding the various dragons. They could see the Horntail in the distance, being kept away from the others. It was being kept at bay by six keepers, one of them Charlie.
"Glad you're here, Sage. Can you get her to tell you why she's so pissed off?" he shouted above her roars. Sage concentrated on the dragon, but it was difficult to understand her with all the noise around them. He tried harder, and got a few fragments of 'eggs', 'broken', and 'pain'.
"Can you throw up some shields, Charlie? And a few calming spells? It's really hard for me to understand her. Did she have any eggs with her?"
"No. Was she nesting, do you think?"
"It's possible. Try and find out, will you? I'll see if I can get through to her again." Sage moved forward and the dragon swivelled its head in his direction.
**Where are my eggs?**
"We don't know. There were none with you when you were found." She'd been brought in injured.
**You understand me?** her yellow eyes glowed at him.
"Yes. We want to help you."
**Find eggs.**
"We will. Let me help you, though." He stepped forward to examine her and although she trembled, she allowed him to take a look at her leg. There was a deep gash on her thigh and another on her side. "Can you tell me what happened?"
**Rocks.**
"A landslide?"
**Yes.** she snorted in pain and a jet of flame shot out, narrowly avoiding him.
"Careful with that, will you?" he said mildly. She snorted again, and he felt a faint wave of amusement coming from her. "Do you have a name?"
**No.**
"Do you want one?"
**Why?**
"So we don't have to call you That Pissed Off Horntail?"
**Funny.**
"You want to be called Funny? I had 'Onyx' in mind, myself."
**Onyx good.**
"Onyx it is then. We'll find your eggs if we can, but if they got caught in the landslide, there's not much hope." He finished cleaning her wound.
**Thank you, Talker.**
"Talker?"
**Word travels.** was all she said and curled in a huge ball of scales. Sage backed away from her and climbed out of the pen.
"She's got eggs out there somewhere. A landslide caused her wound. Is there any way of finding them?" he conferred with Kailani and Charlie.
"Lucas is in that area, I'll get him to check. Will she be all right?" Charlie asked.
"She'll be better if she has her eggs, but other than that, it was just a flesh wound." He hesitated, "Did you know what they call me?"
"Yes. Nero says they call you Talker, because you can speak to all of them. You know it will be hard for us all if you go back to Hogwarts now." Charlie said.
"I know. I never knew what it would be like, coming here. But I feel as if this is what I really want to do with my life." Sage slid a glance over to Kailani who was smiling happily.
"That's great, Sage. The Director will be pleased with your decision." Charlie said. He kept a smile on his face, although it cost him something. How was he going to keep up a pleasant front if he had a constant reminder of what might have been? He still had thoughts of Saxen late at night, after everything was quiet and he was alone in his room. Sage and Kailani were good about letting him keep them company, but he knew they really wanted to be on their own; and they should be. It wasn't fair on them to always have him hanging around them.
"You'll both be coming to Ginny's wedding?" he changed the subject.
"Of course. We won't be staying long though, just a couple of days."
"I'm owed a couple of weeks myself. I thought I'd go home to the Burrow for a while." And try to forget about a certain dark haired wizard.
Later that day, Lucas Wallis flew in with a bag of eggs strapped to his back. He alighted next to Charlie and swung the bag in front of him.
"Hey, Charlie. I managed to salvage these. There weren't many left after the landslide." He handed them over.
"Thanks, Lucas. I'm sure she'll be happy with anything. I'll let Sage know."
"Okay. Fancy a drink tonight?" Lucas was an attractive blond that Charlie had dated in the past.
"Sure, why not?" Perhaps Lucas could help him forget. Sage looked over to where the two men were standing close together and frowned. He'd just received an owl from Severus, with a startling piece of news about Saxen, and he wasn't sure whether to tell Charlie or not. He decided to speak to Kailani tonight. He swiftly moved to intercept the two men and just caught Charlie agreeing to meet Lucas for a drink.
"Lucas." He nodded to the blond man.
"Sage. Some eggs survived the slide."
"Good. Onyx will be pleased to hear that. I'll take them to her, shall I?" he took the bag from Charlie and looked inside. Eight eggs; not many left out of a batch of possibly twenty. Making sure the warming charm was still active, he made his way to the Horntail's pen. She raised her head as he approached and sniffed the air.
**Eggs?**
"Yes. But only eight survived."
**Better than none.** she extended her claw and swiped the bag delicately out of his hand, pulling it in between her front legs. A gentle flame flickered from her nostrils, incinerating the bag and heating the eggs to the correct temperature. She curved her tail around them protectively and rumbled deep in her belly, almost purring.
"When you're healed, we can move you to another area where there are no landslides." Sage rested his arms on the railing.
**Stay until eggs hatched.**
"Don't you want to go home?"
**Home gone. Stay with Talker.** one eye opened and glittered at him.
"I'm honoured, Onyx. I'm sure you'll be welcome here." Sage was surprised; he'd heard that Horntails were one of the untameables, (although you could never truly tame any dragon), but this female seemed to be quite amenable. She would be a fine addition to the colony.
He went to tell Charlie about Onyx and found him with Lucas. He frowned again. Lucas had Charlie with his back to the feed shed wall, one hand casually resting beside his head on the wall, leaning slightly into him. Charlie was relaxed, and chatting easily to the blond, but Sage had an uneasy feeling, remembering the letter from Severus.
"Charlie? Onyx is willing to stay at the colony." He interrupted them. Charlie looked up, a welcome look in his eye.
"That's great. How about a drink tonight to celebrate?"
Sage thought about his plans with Kailani, but decided that the need to separate Charlie from Lucas was greater; at least until he'd had a chance to speak to Saxen directly. He was sure Kailani would understand.
"Sure, I'll let Kailani know, shall I?"
~~@~~
"What? I thought we had plans for tonight?" Kailani was not too happy when Sage caught up with her later that afternoon.
"Come with me." He took her hand and pulled her into his room. Letting her go, he strode to his desk and pulled out a letter and thrust it into her hand.
"Read." He commanded. She quickly scanned the bold writing on the parchment.
"Wow. I never knew anything like this existed."
"Neither did I. The million galleon question is, though, do we tell Charlie?"
"What if he feels the same way?"
"That's why I don't want him getting involved with Lucas, at least until after the wedding."
"Is Saxen going to be there too?"
"Yes. Ginny's invited him."
"Then I don't think we should tell him. From what I've learnt from you, Saxen won't want him coerced into a relationship, will he?"
"No."
"But there's nothing to stop us reminding Charlie of him, though, is there?"
"How do we do that?"
"Don't worry, I'll think of something." she patted his cheek, and squeaked when she was suddenly yanked towards him.
"I'm sorry about dinner tonight." he wrapped his arms around her.
"That's all right. We've got plenty of time, seeing as you're staying."
"Would you like to meet my parents while we're in England?"
"That sounds very official, Mr Snape."
"What do you think?"
"If this is a proposal, it sucks."
"Just as well it's not, then. More of a proposition, that may lead to a proposal."
"Ooh, I haven't been propositioned before. Sounds interesting." she wiggled closer.
"Get a room, you two!" they sprang apart as Charlie's voice sounded from the open door and Kailani flushed.
"Oh, sorry, you're already in a room. Try closing the door next time." he sauntered inside, "Am I interrupting anything?"
"You were, but you're not now." Kailani grumbled at him.
"Do I have to give this man 'The Talk'?"
"Pardon?"
"Ignore him, Sage."
"No, I'd like to hear this."
"Anyone who gets involved with a Weasley, gets 'The Talk', as we call it."
"But you're not a Weasley, Kailani."
"She's as near to one as she can possibly get, so you, my friend, get 'The Talk'."
"I'll go now, as this is too embarrassing to hear." she moaned and disappeared out the door. Charlie sat himself down in a chair, not noticing the parchment that fluttered onto the floor. Sage unobtrusively slid it under the other chair.
"So. What's this talk about then?"
"The usual thing that brothers give to their sister's boyfriends. You hurt her, mess around, cheat, lie, etc, and you have six, possibly seven men after your blood."
"Seven?"
"Harry counts as one of us."
"Did you give him the talk as well?"
"No need. He knew what would happen already." Charlie grinned.
"I don't intend to hurt Kailani. I think Nero would beat you lot to it if I did."
"Good. I'll get changed then, shall I?" he bent forward to get up and picked something up off the floor, "What's this?" he scanned through it and then stiffened. "Were you going to tell me?" he bit out.
"About what?"
"About Saxen being Bonded to someone." he flicked the parchment at Sage. Sage read the letter again, trying to gain some time to think. Severus didn't actually mention Charlie, just the fact that Saxen had accepted the bond regardless of whether his other half did or not.
"Would it matter to you?" he asked curiously. Charlie flung himself down in the chair again and laughed mirthlessly.
"At least I know not to throw myself at him again if I see him at Hogwarts. One rejection is quite enough without the additional humiliation of seeing him with someone. Do you know her?"
"No. Severus doesn't tell me who it is." Sage thanked Merlin that Charlie hadn't seen the second page of the letter.
"I think I need a drink." Charlie rubbed his hands over his face in a scrubbing motion.
"Don't do anything stupid, Charlie." Sage advised.
"Don't worry, I won't." he stood up and faced Sage, his blue eyes haunted. "Is he happy with her, do you think?"
"I have no idea, I'm sorry."
"So am I." his shoulders slumped and Sage was compelled to offer him comfort. He tentatively put his arm around the slightly smaller man and hugged him awkwardly. Charlie shuddered and took a deep breath, turning into him slightly. "I just wish it was me, that's all."
~~@~~
"Oh, dear." Hermione opened and scanned the letter she'd just received from Ginny.
"What's the matter?" Severus looked up from the Daily Prophet.
"Charlie is bringing a guest to the wedding."
"Ah. That will complicate things."
"It certainly will. Do we let Saxen know?"
"I don't think so." there was a hint of a smile around his mouth and Hermione narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"What do you know that I don't?"
"Nothing." he almost succeeded in looking innocent.
"Tell me, Severus."
"There's nothing to tell." he lifted the newspaper to hide behind, so he didn't see what Hermione did next. He yelped in a most undignified way, though, when he felt something slithering quickly up his leg and coiling around his chest. She tightened her coils partly around his arm and bared her fangs at him.
"Am I supposed to feel threatened, Hermione?" he raised a dark eyebrow at her appearance as Cleo. She hissed at him.
"You're not venomous, so it's no use biting me." he tried to ignore the feel of her silky scales on his arm. "And flirting in snake form is not the same as in Hermione-form." as she tilted her head and looked at him, tongue flickering out.
An almost sly expression flitted across the snakes face and then she slithered down his chest and started to writhe in his lap.
"What the....?" Severus stiffened in his chair as she twisted and turned, rubbing against him. After four weeks of abstinence, it didn't take many seconds for him to become aroused by the feel of Cleo/Hermione flexing against him. She was doing this deliberately, he thought, as he tried to shove her off his lap, but the more he tried, the harder it was. She was relentless; her coils were everywhere and he was throbbing wherever she gripped him.
"Hermione...Gods, no...Ahhhh..!" all of a sudden he felt the weight of his wife in his lap, fingers burrowing into his trousers and reaching for his erection. A few short strokes and he was spilling into her waiting hands, stars exploding behind his closed eyelids.
"I've always wanted to do that," she whispered, her head resting in the crook of his neck.
"What, jerk me off as a snake?" he was too sated to be angry with her.
"No, just feel you aroused. You don't know how delicious you smell when I'm like that. Bringing you off was a bonus, and I wasn't a snake then." she nuzzled the side of his neck, a hand combing through the dark hair of his abdomen.
"This is not how I expected to spend breakfast this morning." he opened one eye, not wanting to think what he looked like with his pants halfway down his hips and his genitals exposed. Hermione's hand had moved lower and he twitched in anticipation.
"Want to move this to the bedroom?" she whispered and squeaked as he shot out of the chair with her in his arms.
"Hell, yes!" grateful that the twins had already had their morning feed and wouldn't be awake for at least two hours. Not caring that his trousers were slipping down, four paces took them to the bedroom door. Another three took them to the edge of the bed where he tossed her into the middle. Kicking away his shoes, socks and trousers, he stripped off his shirt, all the while watching as Hermione fumbled with the buttons on her dress, the eagerness she was displaying extremely gratifying. Too impatient to allow her to finish, he brushed her hands away and ripped the dress open, baring her to his gaze. Her underwear went the same way and he didn't allow her to cover her stretch marks with her hands when she went to do so.
"No, Hermione." he said gently and bent his head to caress them, his tongue tracing the faint marks that were left.
Hermione ran her hands through his hair as he bent lower and settled between her thighs. This was what she'd been aching for the past two weeks, she thought as she arched her back, heels digging into the mattress. Fingers replaced his tongue as he kissed his way up her body and her eyes shot open as his mouth found her breast.
"No!" she pushed at his shoulders as she felt a tug on her breast, but he held her fast, his arousal nudging her thigh. "Severus!" her eyes drifted shut and she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to breastfeed again without having an orgasm.
As the aftershocks faded slightly, he moved over and inside her, not rushing now that the edge of their desire had been taken off. Time didn't matter as they moved together, sweat drying and reappearing on their skin, until the tension became too much and she arched against him, her thighs wrapped around his hips and her hands gripping his arms, head thrown back on the pillows. With his head buried in her neck he groaned and spilled inside her, pressing her down into the soft quilt, grateful for the silencing charm he'd had the foresight to throw up around the bed.
"We should get cleaned up," she murmured, "But I don't have the strength to move."
"We'll have a shower later, but a cleaning charm will do for now." Severus cleaned them up with a few murmured words.
"I hope you're going to mend my dress as well." Hermione indicated the buttons scattered over the floor.
"Of course, but I think your knickers are beyond repair."
"Did you have to use your teeth?"
"I was in the vicinity." He shrugged and sent her a wicked smile that raised her blood pressure.
"They were my favourites, Severus."
"All right, I'll fix them." He lifted her hand and kissed the palm.
"Now will you tell me why we're not telling Saxen about Charlie's guest?" she moved suddenly and pinned him to the bed.
"Was this supposed to be a bribe?"
"Did it work?"
"Yes."
"Well?"
"It seems Charlie is just as miserable as Saxen."
"So why is he bringing someone with him?"
"He thinks that Saxen has bonded with a witch."
"I don't understand." She frowned.
"Sage thinks Charlie doesn't want Saxen to know that he still wants him."
"So he's using this other man?"
"Yes, and if I know Saxen, it will drive him crazy."
"He'll be jealous?"
"We Snapes do not take kindly to others encroaching on our territory." He looked at his wife, "As you well know."
"So this will push Saxen into claiming Charlie?"
"Most probably."
"I'm glad I'm out of the dating game."
"You were never in it to start with."
~~@~~
It was nice to sit back and be a guest this time, Hermione thought as she watched the preparations for the weddings. The great hall was being charmed in sliver and gold colours and fresh flowers were being brought in from the greenhouses. An everlasting charm ensured they would stay fresh for the remaining three days. Ginny and Chastity were sharing quarters and Harry and Draco had been banished to their old rooms.
"This brings back a few memories." Harry bounced on his bed as Draco wandered around and came to a stop at the window.
"At least you have a view."
"I never did get to see the Slytherin common room."
"You will tomorrow night." Ron threw his bag onto his old bed.
"Oh yeah, the stag party."
"Last night of freedom for you two."
"So why are we having it in the dungeons?" Harry turned to face the other two.
"Because Slytherins throw the best parties." Draco arched an eyebrow at them.
Ron laughed "And also because the girls are having their party here. I wonder what they'll get up to?"
"Probably the same as us." Draco drawled, then looked in consternation at Harry who had a similar expression on his face.
"I hope not." They said together.
"Don't worry, mate," Ron clapped his hand on Harry's shoulder, "We're only going to get pissed."
"That's what I'm worried about. The last time you got me pissed I ended up flying upside-down round the Quidditch pitch in my boxers." Harry shuddered in remembrance of that stunt.
"Damn, I missed that one." Draco grinned, "You Gryffindors; can't hold your drink."
"And you can do better?" Ron challenged.
"Of course I can; I'm a Slytherin." He turned his nose up at them, "But it also helps to have a Potions Master as Head of House."
"I knew I should have let the Sorting Hat put me there." Harry grinned.
"You wouldn't have lasted five minutes, Potter, at one of our parties."
"Is that a challenge, Malfoy?"
"Why not? First one to pass out loses."
"And what does the winner get?"
"Nothing too embarrassing, just the sight of the loser, totally sober, flying round the Quidditch pitch, say, in just boxers and opposing house scarf."
"That's not too bad." Said Ron, but Draco held up a hand to stop him saying anything further.
"In front of the whole school, at the first match of the season."
"I accept," Harry stuck out his hand to shake on it, "On the condition that no potions be taken beforehand to stay sober."
"Don't you trust me?"
"With a Potions Master as Head of House? You have got to be kidding."
"Deal." And they shook on it.
"I just hope you pair don't get alcohol poisoning." Hermione said from the doorway, "Because I'm not even going to mention this stupid House rivalry."
"Hermione! How are my godsons?" Harry hugged her as if he hadn't seen her in weeks, "And where are they?"
"They're fine, and I am allowed to leave them for a little while, you know."
"You're not supposed to be in the boy's dorm, Hermione." Ron said before coming over to give her a hug too.
"We're not students anymore, Ron, and I'm not likely to see anything that I've not seen before, either."
"Hermione! Does that mean you've seen bits of Ron and Harry that Severus doesn't know about?" Draco was shocked.
"No! That's not what I meant and you know it, Draco Malfoy!" Hermione punched him lightly in the arm.
"Oh? Enlighten us, then, Mrs Snape." Harry grinned; it wasn't often they got to tease Hermione.
"I meant that you've got the same bits Severus has, but obviously I'm more interested in his than yours." She smirked.
"So I should hope." A dry voice said from the doorway. Severus had come to find his wife.
"Merlin, it's a Slytherin invasion!" Ron flopped down on the nearest bed and pretended to faint.
"Nah, we outnumber them," Harry prodded him, indicating Hermione.
"Didn't you know, Harry? She's a Slytherin by marriage." Draco said.
"That's slander!" Ron brought down Draco in a rugby tackle and a mock fight ensued. Severus raised his eyebrow at Hermione. "And I have to supervise these tonight?"
"Just as I'm having to stay sober too."
"So who's baby sitting, Hermione?" Harry sidestepped around Ron and Draco and waved them towards the common room, descending the stairs after them.
"It seems Winky has appointed herself as the twins Nanny-Elf." Severus made himself comfortable in an armchair.
"And how does Mrs S.P.E.W. feel about that?" Harry asked as Hermione flushed.
"I didn't have the heart to say no," Hermione confessed, "It took her years to get over her apathy after the Triwizard Tournament." She remembered the little house elf's depression and subsequent transformation during Hermione's pregnancy. Winky had been pathetically eager to please and often competed with Dobby for the privilege of serving their meals should they decide to eat in their rooms. "Anyway, they'll be here in the girls dorm, so it's not as if I'm abandoning them."
"You know you'll never get rid of her now, don't you?" Harry was serious.
"I know," Hermione sighed, "But at least it's her choice, and Severus is paying her, aren't you?" she pinned her husband with a glare.
"Of course I am. She just won't accept it." he shrugged.
"Do you want me to get Dobby to speak to her?" Harry asked.
"No, I'll sort it out." Hermione shook her head at the thought of having to deal with it. "So tell me what you have planned for tonight, so I can reassure the brides-to-be."
"I have no idea. Fred, George and Ron are in charge of entertainment." Harry grinned.
"Oh dear, that doesn't inspire me with any confidence."
"So you don't want to know about the exotic dancer then..." Ron grinned from the doorway and Hermione narrowed her eyes at him.
"I hope you're joking, Ron Weasley."
"Would I lie to you, 'Mione?"
"Yes. Have you really got a stripper lined up?"
"Exotic dancer, not stripper, thank you very much. She doesn't even take her top off."
"Hmmph."
"That doesn't mean that others can't do it for her though." and he yelped as she threw a heavy cushion at him before storming off. Severus looked at Ron.
"Is that true?" he hated himself for asking.
"You have to be kidding! Harry's my best friend; there's no way I'd put him in the line of fire if Ginny ever found out some naked girl had been all over him. I just like to see Hermione riled up."
"So there isn't an exotic dancer appearing?"
"No."
"Oh."
"Why?"
"I just wondered, that's all."
"Come on, Professor, there's more to it than that." Harry said.
Severus stood up, "I expect the ladies thought you would arrange something like that, that's all." he moved towards the door, "So they arranged their own entertainment." and exited the portrait hole, leaving three rather worried young men behind.
~~@~~
"You know we haven't got that sort on entertainment arranged, Severus."
"But they don't know that."
"You can be really bad sometimes, you know that?"
"I couldn't resist." he shrugged.
"Will that put a damper on the boys' party?"
"I doubt it, with the Weasley twins in charge." he shuddered at what state his dungeons were going to be in at the end of it.
"You won't let them do anything stupid, will you?"
"I would imagine my presence there would curtail any of the more idiotic stunts, although with Albus there you can't be sure."
"What about this contest of Harry and Draco's?"
"Now that I am looking forward to. I'm going to enjoy Mr Potter's humiliation at the start of next term."
~~@~~
"I can't believe the girls have got a stripper in." Ron slurred drunkenly. Draco and Harry were propped against each other, not quite drunk yet.
"Neither can I." Harry looked slightly worried, "I wonder what kind."
"There are different types?" Seamus looked up.
"Yeah." Dean said. "Cowboys, policemen, Tarzan.."
"What?" Draco lifted his head up.
"It's a muggle thing." Harry said. "Well built, muscled, good looking blokes."
"Nearly naked." Draco's head shot up, "That's it! I'm putting a stop to it!" he struggled to his feet and swayed.
"I don't think so, Draco." Severus had been listening to the conversation.
"But my..fian..fiancee..is up there, with a naked man!"
"If you put it like that, then so is my wife, and Harry's fiancée, Weasley's mother.." he was enjoying the looks on the younger men's faces.
"I'm going up there too." Harry pulled himself to his feet using Draco to anchor himself.
"So'm I." Ron hicced.
"We can use my cloak." Harry almost fell over himself in his haste to get to the room he'd been allocated. There was no way he was going to allow Ginny to see any naked man apart from himself.
"I want to see this too." Sirius grinned at Remus, who knew the girls didn't have anything like this planned, but wanted to see the fireworks anyway; things had been pretty quiet since Hermione had had the twins.
"Oh, let's all go, shall we?" Albus twinkled. Severus rolled his eyes, wondering if he could contact Hermione to warn them.
"No need for this then." Harry lurched back into the room and tossed the cloak onto a chair. The group of mostly drunk men made their way out of the dungeons towards Gryffindor tower. The staircases, however, refused to co-operate. At least three times they found themselves in the main entrance until Albus gave them a stern talking to. By this time, Severus had caught them up and joined them discreetly.
Arriving at the Fat Lady's portrait, they stopped. "Pink Ladies." Harry said.
"I'm sorry, dearie, wrong password." the Fat Lady said, "Anyway, you shouldn't be here." she frowned disapprovingly.
"Let us in, please." Draco smiled his most charming smile.
"Sorry, dear. I can't." she smirked, "Although I can understand why you want to get in there."
"Let us in!" Harry demanded.
"My, my, is that Professor Snape? I never would have thought a respectable married lady such as your wife would do such a thing!"
"What is happening in there?" Severus demanded, knowing full well what Hermione was doing.
"Sorry. Without the password, you can't come in. Excuse me." and she disappeared from the portrait back into the common room to enjoy what was going on.
In the common room, the Fat Lady warned the occupants that there was a group of inebriated men demanding entrance. The girls were lounging around on cushions on the floor, while Molly and Minerva were on the sofa. Severus had warned Hermione that they were on their way, and although everyone was tipsy, they weren't drunk. Ginny narrowed her eyes at the thought of Harry not trusting her.
"May I make a suggestion?" Minerva asked.
"Sure, before I go out there and hex Harry." Ginny said.
"And Draco." Chastity added.
"I'm sure Albus will get them in here somehow, so how does this look?" Minerva waved her wand at a chair and spoke a complicated spell. There, before them, stood a very attractive man with just a pair of leather trousers and boots on.
"Does he move?" Lavender asked, eyes popping.
"How would you like him to move?" Minerva waved her wand and soft music with a beat sounded in the air. The transformed chair/man began to sway and move his hips. Parvati choked on her wine.
"Can you make him blond?" Chastity asked. Another wave of her wand and he had long blond hair.
"Eeww, too much like Malfoy Senior, give him dark hair," Molly said.
"Can you make him look like Harry?" Ginny asked curiously.
"Transforinitum Harry Potter." Minerva waved her wand and a half-naked Harry stood there, swaying to the beat.
"Transforinitum Ron Weasley." Susan said smugly, "I've always wanted to know what Ron looks like in leather."
"Not bad, Susan, not bad at all." Chastity approved. Ron was broader than Draco, and had more hair.
"Transforinitum Draco Malfoy." she said and the image of her fiancé stood there.
"How reliable to life is this, Minerva?" Hermione asked.
"As near as the original as you can possibly get." Minerva replenished everyone's wine.
"Oh good. Transforinitum Keanu Reeves." she said.
"Hermione Snape!" Molly was shocked, "What will Severus say?"
"He's not going to know, is he?" Hermione sat with her head on one side, eyeing the transformation critically. No one noticed the small group of men standing in the shadows by the staircase. Harry and Ron cringed inwardly as Hermione made her tactless remark, and no one dared look at Severus.
"Too pretty." she decided and waved her wand, "Transforinitum Severus." and before the transformation was complete, she changed into Cleo and coiled around the now half-naked Severus.
"Oh, wow, Hermione! You lucky thing, you!" Lavender drooled as the others giggled. The men watched in amazement as the girls took it in turns to change the chair into their respective men, noting the comments for future reference.
"I think I prefer the real thing, though," Ginny waved her wand and the chair was back in its place. "So you can come out of hiding now, Harry Potter."
"We are in deep shit," muttered Harry and stepped forward.
"And you, Draco." Chastity called.
"Deep, deep, shit." Draco agreed.
TBC