Solace chapter 4
mindtalk
~another type of mindtalk~
Last Chapter:
She'd live. For now.
******************** Later, back at the Inn *********************
Korunue pokes her head out of the door. Just her head, nothing more. She wears a black bandanna on her night-black her, contrasting her creamy white skin. Her nose twitchesin ways no human nose is meant to twitch as she sniffs the air. The bandanna lumps funnily, but that could be an odd haircut. Her hair is tucked behind her shoulders, so it falls out of sight. A small chain can be seen, but the necklace is tucked under a black neckline. Spying Ronin, she ducks back in, eyes wide in fear.
Ronin pauses in mid stride, his eyes shifting from side to side, his ears turning in every direction. "Surrounded by damn humans." He mutters under his breath. Slowly shaking his head, but still in the same alert mode, he makes his way to the bar.
Korunue pokes her head back out, sans bandanna. In it's place are two fluffy black dog's ears that flick about timidly. Her eyes are wide, and hold some extra element of sadness not present before. More than that, there is some hint of... betrayal? She looks about, ears and eyes going in 3 different directions, timidly searching the room for some other enemy.
Ronin takes a seat at the bar, as far away from the humans as possible. A loud grunt issues from his throat and he motions Moe to come over. When Moe arrives, Ronin leans forward and speaks in a slow whisper, giving Moe very exact instructions so he doesnt screw up like most humans would. With a growl he sits back and motions moe to go awa and fetch his order.
Korunue timidly steps out of her room, wearing the usual white kimono with black trim. She also wears black leggings under it this time, and her left hand hovers in front of her belly. Her right hand clutches a well-polished bamboo bow, and she has a quiver of arrows on her left shoulder blade. She timidly creeps down the stairs, head lowered, avoiding the gaze of Ronin. She takes a seat at the bar, away from him, and runs her fingers over her bow, humming a tune as she checks her primary weapon for cracks.
Ronin taps his fingers his fingers on the bar, beating out a small rythym until Moe returns with his drink. Noticing Korunue take a seat at the bar he moves down till he is next to her. "You didn't cover up your ears tonight little one." He says, rasing one of his fingers to point at her ears. "Good girl." He adds, almost in a rewarding tone. "You're finally starting to learn how to act." He grins when he notices that moe has to stop and look for him, and lets out a grunt to make himself known.
Korunue looks down, timidly, not saying anything at all. She does not even let out the small sigh she feels growing in her chest, looking down, bashfully, checking and re-checking her bow. It was something to do.
Ronin lets a low growl escape him as Moe finally arrives with his drink. Ronin reaches into his shirt and pulls out a few coins to toss to Moe "Good job human, you didn't screw up." He scowls at Moe as he scurries away. Turning back to Korunue he looks her over "You look different, what did you do?" He asks with a half-scowl.
Korunue looks down, not talking. Her ears sink until they are flat, parallel to the top of her head, then she remembers and they suddanly pop up. Her head does not, however. She does not say a word to him.
Ronin lets another of the familiar rumbles rise in his throat. "Why won't you answer me, little one?" He questions, trying to find the source of her problem "Did you do something stupid? Forget you were youkai maybe?" He piles question on question, trying to get Korunue to speak.
Korunue shakes her head, fearful of another hit. She looks up, meeting his gaze with eyes full of unreadable emotions, a few of which are hurt, betrayal, concern, and, of course, the ever-present fear. "do you really want to know?" she asks, her voice horse, scarecly above a whisper.
Ronin focuses both his ears on Korunue "Of course I want to know, little one. You in trouble? Some human picking on you or something?" He seems to be honestly concerned with her problems and trying to get some answers so he can help her.
Korunue picks up on the concern in his voice, and bites her lower lip. She looks down, then slowly lifts her kimono up to her chest, revealing above the leggings a long scar, with an upcurve at the right end. It was freshly healed, and looked deep. She knew Ronin would recognise the scar for what it was, and after a good amount of time for him to inspect it lowered her kimono. She needed no words, letting the scar speak for itself.
Ronin lets his mouth drop open in surprise, but quickly closes it as he bends down to take a good look at the cut. "What in the world...." He begins, letting the words trail off as he sits back up. "Why the hell would you try to commit seppuku child?" He asks, failing to mask the concern in his voice. Had him slapping her possibly had this much effect....surely not. "Tell me what drove you this far." He says, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Korunue looked down. "I... I failed.... I found my mother's killer, but I couldn't... I couldn't... I had my bow, it was ready, it was aimed true, but I......" she trails off, tears dripping down her cheeks.
Ronin lets one of his rare half-smiles take his lips. "Come here child." He says taking her by the shoulders and pulling her close. "Don't cry like that, it makes you look weak." He says with a half chuckle. He tries his best to keep from breaking down himself. "I know how it feels, little one. My mother is dead, and if I failed to kill her murderers....I'd probably attempt seppuku also." He places a hand on her head, trying to comfort her
Korunue breaks down sobbing, head in hands. "Why are you so nice to me?" she sobs, not beliving in simple kindness. "I'm a monster, and a weakling who can't even avenge her mother's death, and can't even commit seppuku properly. I can't do anything." she sobs, pulling her knees onto the stool.
Ronin smiles softly "Come here." He says, pulling Korunue close to him, giving her a small hug. "There, there, it'll be alright. Calm down, stop crying like that. People will think you weak, dont cry. You're not a monster." He is trying to comfort her, something rare for him, but this hit too close to home for him to ignore.
Korunue tries to stifle her sobs, and they die down to mere sniffles after a good long while. Her legs go down when he pulls her close, and she leans her head against his chest, comfortable, though still miserable. She shuts her eyes, and whispers, "why don't you hate me?", real soft, as she doesn't want him to hate her by suggestion.
Ronin scratches Korunue behind the ears. "I've never hated you, and you are part youkai." He says, letting the analytical part of him take over for a second. "But my mother was killed too, when I was young...about your age I would think. If I wasn't able to avenge her death, I would probably try seppuku too." he rubs her arm, trying to get her to calm fully down.
Korunue cuddles a little longer, knowing that once she breaks away, his pride won't allow this again. She looks up at him, eyes trusting. "really? you never hated me?" she asks, scarcly daring to dream that his answer would be yes. She doesn't even think that he could be lying to make her stop crying, as she had never before stopped to think that he didn't hate her, assuming he did from his gruff manner.
Ronin pats Korunue's head "No, I never hated you. I just have to teach you how to act sometimes." He says with a grin curling his lips. "One thing I cant stand is a youkai denying her heritage. It's almost as bad as a human." The last part is said with a low growl and an angry glance over towards the small group of humans.
Korunue looks down, ashamed of herself. She covers a huge yawn with her small hand. With a deep sigh, she sits up. She takes her bow and stands up. "I should go... I'm half asleep as is..." she mumbles, without making any such move towards the stairs.
Ronin brings his hands back to his sides, nodding at Korunue. "Yeah, you probably should go. don't want you to get any bad influence from this room." He shoots another sharp glance towards the group. "I need to be going too. Good night to you, and seep well." Korunue nods, and slowly walks up the stairs, her ears trained on the hanyou, and enters her room.
************************* The Next Day ***********************************
Korunue pokes her head out, then slips downstairs, with her ears showing, no bandanna. Ronin was there already; he had arrived shortly before her. Ronin gives a satyr a nod. His ears perk up and both point towards Korunue. Giving a small half-smile he nods at her and raises his right hand, motioning her over to the sofa "Come sit over here." he says in a voice just loud enough for Korunue to hear.
Korunue stands, head down, ears slightly drooping, and walks to the couch, one ear on the satyr. She sits down at the edge of the couch, placing her bow in her lap, not looking at Ronin. She turns her head away, though she looks down, so she is looking to her left at the couch.
Ronin sighs and leans back, his hands behind his head. "You feelin' alright?" he asks nonchalantly. One of his ears swivels in various directions, the other is focused on Korunue. He looks almost totally realxed.
Korunue bites her lower lip. "i suppose..." she says, not really sounding alright, but wanting him not to worry about her. She subconciously places her left hand protectivly in front of her lower belly, protecting the recent... injury... there. She lets out a small sigh.
Ronin eyes Korunue's belly "Still bugging you eh?" he says with a grin. "Wasn't the brightest thing you ever did I take it." His ears twist towards a newcomer, but he doesnt turn to look. "So how is it healing? I have a few herbs that might help a little....I think some of them are ready."
Korunue shakes her head a little. "no, not the brightest..." she whispers softly, remembering that night not so long ago... "not the brightest by a long shot...." she whispers, remembering what the scar signified that she was about to do... remembering the steel sword glinting in the moonlight as her friend tested it's sharpness... remembering its purpose... her eyes focused on something not there, as she got lost in the memories.
Ronin twitches his nose a little, sniffing the air the newcomer brings in with him, his ear turns to follow his movements. "Did you hear me, little on?" he asks Korunue again. "I have healing herbs that might could help you...I think I have some already in a paste that cna be rubbed on if you want. They might ease the pain a little."
Korunue shakes her head to clear it. "No.... it doesn't hurt that much, and I'd like to be reminded once in a while... " she says, looking downcast. She wonders if he even remembers how she got the wound they speak of... by his tone, she'd almost think he had forgotten. She dismisses the thought and tries to change the subject. "so... what'cha been up to?" she mimickes his non-chalontless badly.
Ronin shrugs, he had been trying to take her mind off her problems a little bit and seemed to have succeeded. "I've jsut been hunting a little is all." His eyes flash, and a grin slowly breaks out on his face as he remembers the hunt he had been on. "You should go hunting sometime."
Korunue smiles faintly, with just her mouth, her eyes not smiling at all. "perhaps." she says simply, offhandedly. She raises and lowers her right shoulder as she speaks.
Ronin slowly turns his head and stares at Korunue, eyeing her up and down. Taking in her features, and her expression. "Something isn't right. What is it? You can tell me."
Korunue looks him in the eye. Her eyes hold fear, but more sadness and resignation than ever before. "I... " she starts, not wanting to voice her deepest fears.... "I'm scared." she whispers, finally, realizing she has to say something.
Ronin shakes his head at Korunue "What do you have to be scared of, little one?" He asks, his voice filled with curiosity. He reaches out and pats Korunue on her head, scratching her behind the ears. "You shouldn't ave anything to be scared of."
Korunue frowns, looking down. "My friend tried to... kill herself... now, all she wants is death. I... " she looks up, fearful eyes meeting his once more. "I don't want to end up like her." she whispers.
Ronin shakes his head slowly and stands up, stretching. "You won't. It takes two to commit seppuku." He gives Korunue another pat on her head and walks out the door.
Korunue whispers to herself. "it takes two..." she whispers, brooding. Finally she collects her things and heads upstairs, slightly happier. Ronin wouldn't let anything happen to her.... would he? She slips into her room and heads off to bed.
**************************
Korunue sits at the bar, alone, looking over the bow in her lap, head down, timid and meek. She thinks long and hard, tunring things over and over in her mind, running through the events of the last few days over and over. Did he care? he didn't seem like it yesterday... he must have been drunk or in shock before... yes, now it made sense.
Sinai, also in the tavern, looks to Korunue, concerned seeing that Korunue is in such deep, deep thought. She tells the person she has been speaking with goodbye, mentally, and heads over to sit by her.
Ronin enters, and Korunue looks up quicky as the object of her thought approaches, then looks back down. Right. Mr. not-caring. Her bandanna twitches a little, and she would normally remove it for him... but what did he care?
Ronin glances around the inn. A low growl rises in his throat when he spots the human with the veil that Sinai had been talking to earlier. He nods to Sinai, and upon spying Korunue walks over to her. Another low growl rises in his throat when he sees that she is wearing the bandana again. "Didn't I tell you that you shouldn't wear that thing? You're youkai, not human. Stop trying to be one." he says to her.
Korunue lifts and lowers the shoulder nearer to Sinai She does not speak, looking down still. She was not a happy camper, obviously, but she hesitated to tell her friend of her troubles. Then Ronin comes over, and at the growl she winces, wimpers, and takes off the bandanna, revealing 2 large fluffy black dog's ears.
Sinai growls lowly herself, but not at Korunue, just at Ronin- she wishes that the youkai would get along.
Korunue glances at Sinai. "it's alright.... don't worry." she whispers to her. She would elaborate... but he's right there.... and she's not sure herself what their relationship is.
Ronin pats Korunue on her head "Good girl." he says with a grin of satisfaction. He lets out another growl at the wolfgirl, training both ears on her and eyeing her up and down. "Can't you jsut stay out of my business?"Korunue flinches at the pats.
"She is m' friend, Ronin. I am sorrah that I seem to continue tae get intae your business, but she is m' friend." says Sinai. Just then, a glass flies down the bar as if pushed. Sinai hears the glass coming, moving herself and Korunue out of the way of it, shielding her, wondering what the bloody hell is going on.
Korunue's ears rotate to catch the sound and she ducks in her seat, eyes wide in fright, turning in her seat to face it. She stops herself from screaming... and leaps off the stool into a crouch. She winces, placing a hand over her belly protectivly, ears scanning the room.
Ronin nods at Sinai. "She is a little lost too sometimes, seems to forget what she is...or think it is wrong to be." One of his ears turns to track the human as he eyes the glass fly by.
"What the bloody hell is going on?" Sinai finally asks, eyeing the glass as it flew off the counter and hovered an inch above the floor, scooting about like an air hockey puck.
Korunue gets back up, leaping onto the stool. As she does so, her legs bring her kimono up a bit, showing the faintest bit of a deep scar on her belly. She is not worried, as she wears leggings under her kimono, but leaps over the stool and landed on the bartop, crouching defensivly, wide eyes tracking the glass, ears going every which way, one hand between her bent legs onto the bartop for balance, the other hovering protectivly in front of the scar on her belly.
Ronin slowly turns in his seat to eye a shaking human girl. "Damn humans, always trying to start something." he mutters, sounding disgusted with the whole matter. "Can't they jsut leave well enough alone?" He turns one ear to focus on the human, but leaves the other one focused on the wolfgirl, still not trusting her.
Sinai, not sure what to do, looks in the direction the glass came from, then notices a human all in a hullabaloo, with her hair all staticky, and starts speaking aloud to all that are present with her mind. Why are you doing this? They have done nothing tae ye--Least that I'm aware o'
Korunue jumps at the voice in her head, calming just the slightest when she recognises it... she frowns, her forehead crinkling, and looks to the human, one ear on Sinai, the other settling on Ronin. Then, another voice in her head, like a bullhorn: ~~I...Lose conTROL OF It...I'm sORRy..~~
Sinai's right hand goes for her sword at her side, a toledo sword that looks really old, though with no rust or any showings of it's age, wolves and tigers and dragons engraved upon the handle, very beautiful designs. Korunue jumps, eyes narrowing at the human. She climbs down onto her stool, hunching her shoulders, ears on the human, eyes on the bow she returns to her lap. She keeps her left hand in front of her belly, just in case.Ronin instinctively reaches up to his ears, trying to cover them. His eyes narrow into slits as he glares at the human who was sending the glass flying. He truns to see the wolfgirl reaching towards the sword and stands up, nearly knocking his stool over. "Whats wrong with you human?" he growls angrily slowly stalking his way towards her.
Sinai had grabbed her ears, because it was really loud for her. All right...was just wonderin'.. Meanwhile, the human got off her chair, and it flies across the room. Korunue gasps, then runs out the front door, preferring not to see what would happen next. She runs with her head down and her ears drooping into the forest, headed towards the town.
Ronin stops in mid stride when the chairs start to raise. He hears korunue make a break for it, and turns to watch her. "Wimp, I'm gonna have to teach her the way to fight." He turns back around to face the human, eyeing her suspiciously. Hand on his shorter sword.
Korunue stays by the edge of the forest, sniffing, eyes and ears checking her surroundings franticly. She has her bow ready, with an arrow in her hand and another in her teeth. She bends her knees a little as she walks, to provide freedom of movement. And you don't need to be psychic to tell she's terrified. Her ears flick to the slightest sound, and her eyes are wide, her breathing rapidly. She walks slowly towards the Inn. She does not actually enter the inn, staying outside, and heading around to the side of it. She had seen the demon though the window, and instead leans against the edge of the stable, hair falling into her face. She shuts her eyes and blows a few whisps away in a long exhale, not bothered by the cold at all.
Inside, the human suddanly dissapears. Ronin just stand there blinking, then he lets out a howl of frustration. "Damn humans. One of these days..." he lets the sentence trail off as his focus now shifts. His ears roam the inn "Guess I better go look for Korunue." he mutters under his breath. Checking his swords he walks out the door.
Korunue's sensitive ears pick up the howl and she moves to behind the stable, sliding down the wall into a sitting position. She know that if he looks long enough he could find her... it wouldn't take much.. but if he wasn't looking, she'd be out of the way enough for him not to see her. Korunue points her sensitive ears toward the inn, not too far away, and hears someone talking... she remembers that Sinai is still there, and feels bad for leaving her. Her ears point to the forest...
Ronin kneels on the ground just off the porch, sniffing the air, ears turning in every direction, looking for any clue as to where Korunue went. He catches her scent and folows it to where she once stood at the edge of the forest, there he turns and slowly, but surely follows the scent back to the inn, to the window, and finally behind the stable. "There you are." he says calmly. Korunue looks away, over her right shoulder at the vast landscape.
Korunue swivells one ear to pick up her Sinai's voice from inside the nearby inn, each word being a stab at her heart. "I value my friends, good sir...If I am without friends, then I am alone. If I am alone, I am sad and lonely. I am vulnerable. If I am vulnerable, _I_ am dead," she hears. She looks down, a tear forming, but won't go back, not as long as the demon is still there... she sniffs the air to make sure he hasn't entered the open.
Ronin shakes his head slowly, a chuckle escaping his lips "You shouldn't run from a fight, surely even your old sensai taught you that much." He slowly steps up to her and reaches out to place a hand on her shoulder. :Why don't you come back inside, it's colder out here htan in there."
Korunue looks down. "yeah, wadda you care." she mumbles, listening to the conversation inside, feeling guilty and sad.
Ronin frowns at Korunue. He starts to say something, but seems to have trouble getting it out. "I... do..." His voice drops off, and he clears his throat. "I do care, but..." his voice drops again, as if he cant finish the sentence.
Korunue turns to look at Ronin, eyes brimming with tears. She wipes them away with her hand, huddling her knees to her chest. "you don't act like it... I thought... maybe you were drunk or something the other night... " she trails off, not sure why she cares so much if he cares. She looks past him to some furry that was watching them, then keeps one ear on her as she turns back to Ronin.
Ronin turns to look at whatever Korunue is looking at. He growls at whoever it is, trying to scare it away so he can talk. He turns back to Korunue and squats in front of her, one ear focused behind him "...I'm afraid...." He seems to be having trouble saying this. "I'm afraid that if I get close to someone, they will be taken away from me....just like last time." He staes at Korunue, trying to look into her eyes.
Korunue looks right back into his eyes, recognising the fear she lived with all the time. She looks saddened, but fear is always presant in her eyes. "At least..." she struggles with it. "At least... every day, something happens to make me feel... worthless. I grew up with humans.. they thought I was a freak, a monster. And now... it seems even the youkai think that I am not worth the air I breathe. That's why it...." she trails off, then musters up the courage to finish the thought. "that's why it hurts me so much when you insult me, and appear not to care about me."
Ronin smiles softly at Korunue and starts to say something, but he hears something something come closer, then hearing 2 somethings go off in the same direction. He shoots a glance in the last direction he heard a noise. Seeing nothing, he turns back to Korunue. "You're not a monster though." he says, another smile on his lips. "At least, I don't think you are." he adds after a moment.
Korunue looks down. "I'm not so sure..." she whispers. She gazes at the ground by her hand. "After all... I couldn't avenge my mother... I couldn't commit seppuku... I can't do anything right... And what is a monster, but a non-human that can only do wrong?" she asks, looking into his eyes once more. She then overhears Sinai speak once more, to some demon she's been talking to in the Inn: "Maybe I should just resign to my fate, and die like a dog...." Korunue twists an ear towards Sinai. "fuck." she murmers. "my sentiments exactly." She frowns, looking down, turning the other ear to the forest as well.
Ronin reaches out and places a hand on Korunue's shoulder. "It is hard to do seppuku, but if you faced your mothers killer, why aren't you yourself dead if you failed to kill?" He hears Sinai's remark and Korunue's reply. "Don't say that!." he exclaims suddenly. "You have to stay alive for yourself....and for me..." The last part is almost whispered.
In the forest, Sinai suddenly stops, and sits on her rump, her head hung low for a moment before she starts howling very mournfully, trying to express her sorrow through it to the sky, and to the god-forsaken moon that hangs over her head to torment her as much as the people who despise her
Korunue sobs, tears suddanly flowing. She looks up as Sinai howls. "you really mean that? or is this some attempt to keep me alive so it's not on your karma?" she whispers to him, unwilling to belive that he could care so much about her after so little time. The tears drip down her cheeks, and her eyes are unreadable again.
Ronin grins at Korunue. "Yes, I really meant it." he says after a minute. SUddenly he reaches out and pulls Korunue in close to him, hugging her just as Sinai howls again.
Korunue shivers at the sound that so echos her feelings, and hugs Ronin in return, resting her head on his shoulder, tears flowing down onto his shirt. She wimpers a little, hating herself for ever thinking he DIDN'T care, for even thinking what she thought... what she had thought of earlier... she releases him, pulling back, looking down, ears drooping. She finds the spot and digs a little, under a bush, handing him a dagger she came up with. A seppuku dagger. "you hold onto this" she whispers. "I won't need it."
Ronin nods slowly at Korunue. "I will keep it very safe." he says with a grin. He takes the dagger and tucks it deep into his shirt. He sits down on the ground next to Korunue, leaning back against the stable. Ronin reaches a hand out and scratches Korunue behind her ears.
Korunue looks down, a tear tracing her cheek. "don't poke fun... I was going to ask you or Sinai to help me with...." she trailed off. "well..." she trials off again, thinking he'll laugh at her. She thinks of Sinai, all alone... at least she had Ronin. "sounds like somebody's even unhappier than I... poor Sinai..." she murmers, leaning against Ronin.
Ronin puts an arm around Korunue, pulling her close. "When did I poke fun?" he asks honestly. "And what were you going to need help with?" He sits silently for a moment, listening to the small, pitiful howls emitting from the direction Sinai went in.
Korunue looks down, abashed. "you know..." she says. "that." she guestures to his shirt, where he has put the dagger. She looks away, towards the forest where the howls came from, and returns with a howl of her own, matching Sinai's in sadness, but with a hint of comfort in it.
Ronin shakes his head at Korunue. "No, there would be no point in seppuku, its only for those with no escape." He reaches in his shirt, making sure the dagger is secure. His ears both perk in the direction of Sinae, listening to her make her way towards them, responding to Korunue's howl. "She is an outcast too, eh?" he says, pointing towards Sinai.
Korunue nods. "Like me... but she is stronger than I... oh, who was I kidding, she wouldn't help me with.... you know." she didn't dare to name it. "But... what escape had I?" Past tense... for now she had this moment, with him.
Ronin glances over towards Korunue. "Tell me about your past some?" he asks, trying to make conversation. "WHat brins you out here to the inn?"
Sinai reaches them, in wolf form. Are you all right? She lies down next to Korunue, her head on her paws.
Korunue looks down to her lap. Her ears twist to Sinai. "somewhat.... " she murmers to Sinai. Turning back to Ronin, she answers him next. "Well, I grew up with my mother's human friends, and went to a human school for many years. But I dropped out... they never accepted me there. My father was long gone, my mother dead... I found a school for youkai... but... " she looks down, ears drooping. She then looks to Sinai. "I should ask you, are you alright? you sounded so... " she sighs, her sigh betraying the same feelings as Sinai's howls. "alone..."
Sinai whimpers a little, and nods--a humanly gesture, her yellow eyes distant Aye...I have for some time...You seem..better than b'fore. No contempt, actually happy for her, smiling somewhat to her Which is good. Ye needed happiness in ye're life...Unlike me...
Korunue shakes her head. "no... nobody deserves to feel this way... alone, abandoned by their own kind... worthless... " she sighs. She might as well be describing herself as Sinai. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have left, I should have gone back to the Inn... but... I wanted to come out here and think... and..." she sighs.
It behooves m' tae not try tae pursue being happy ana more...Tis impossible...either m' friends die, or I help destroy them in some untimely way, or cause them pain at least... She chuckles Pain...something I ha' known for far tae long...Tis no' your fault, Korunue...Tis mine. Tis no' just that, either...I have thought long and hard on m' life, and that is all it has been. Pain. Anguish. It is all I have given, and all I have received for my trouble of being kind...
Korunue sighs. She looks to Ronin for a second, then back to Sinai. She takes a deep breath. "This is hard for me to admit, a little... I want to show you something." She musters up her courage and raises up her kimono, above the top of their leggings, revealing a scar that went across her belly from left to right, with a slight upturn at the right side. "it's the first cut of a ritual called.... seppuku." it's hard for her to say the word.
Sinai looks at the scar, and whimpers some. Why? It looks like ye tried tae committ suicide...
Ronin pats Korunue on her head, scratching her behind the ears again. "I've still got some herbs that might help with that." he says quietly after a few moments of thinking. He seems to be more relaxed than he would be in the inn, perhaps since there are no humans out here to agitate him he can relax.
Korunue breathes deeply, nodding a little. "That's what seppuku is. Ritual... suicide. This is the first cut, then your second, standing out of sight to your left with a large sword... " she can't finish for her tears. She looks to Ronin to finish her explination, eyes brimming with tears. Sinai nuzzles up close to her, whimpering some, but is quiet so she can hear.
Ronin sighs "The second stands out of sight and waits for a signal, a very uniquesignal of course. At the signal the second cuts your head off, leaving a flap of skin so your head swings forward and stays on. He grimaces at the thought of having to commit seppuku."It is usually only used when there are no other ways out."
Korunue looks down, left hand floating in front of her belly, where the cut is. She takes a depe breath, then another, eyes shut, tears flowing down her cheeks uncontrolably. She dares not hope her friend won't judge her... but it's too late to take it back. She bared her soul, now she has to face the consequences.
Sinai sits up and starts to lick the tears away. Ye have no reason tae cry, m' friend... She smiles weakly, but means it.
Korunue continues to cry, fighting it. "but... I failed... twice, I failed my mother..." she whispers, eyes still shut against the pain, leaning on Ronin still. The tears slow, but still come consistantly.
Sinai wimpers, continuing to lick the tears away. I failed altogether...my family is dead, I have disgraced what it is to be a wolf, and what it is to be a human...I am neither...and I am both...
Ronin pulls Korunue closer and leans down to whisper in her ear. "Don't cry, itll be alright." He pats her on her head and taking her hand in his, pulls it away from her belly. "Don't cry little one." he whispers again.
Korunue wimpers a little as well. "we are so alike..." she whispers to Sinai. "humans will never accept me with my ears, any more than youkai will..." fresh tears pour forth. "my mother died... and I failed to kill her killer, and I failed to... properly atone for my failure..." she looks to her belly, though Ronin held her hand. "i'm sorry... I can't help but cry..."
Ronin leans down close to Korunue's ear. "Humans are too weak to accept anything that is different. Anything that they see as a possible threat." A low rumbling emerges from him as he thinks about the lessons he has learned about humans. "Most youkai are too full of themselves at that also." He sits thinking for a moment. "Did you mothers killer flee from you?" he asks slowly.
Korunue nods a little. "He was looking for me... I had my bow on him, and I couldn't... I couldn't..." tears choke her for a second, stopping the words. She takes a deep breath and continues. "I lowered the bow, and he ran off... I should have known before that he was up to no good, I... he was my sensai." she admits, whispering softly, looking down.
Korunue takes a deep breath. "no... it was flee or die. And I should have shot him... he stood there, so damn cocky, waiting for me to shoot or drop the bow... he didn't want to kill me, so he left..." she takes another deep breath, tears slowing at long last. "I tried to atone for my failure, but... I was too slow, waited too long, and was stopped." She looks down, ashamed.
Ronin places a single finger in front of Korunue's lips. "Shh, don't worry about it. It's all in the past, and you can't change the past. So stop crying about it. Maybe you'll get another chance one day."
Korunue hushes, closing her eyes, tears slowing to a halt. She takes a deep breath, than another, but then deifes him once to say something more to Sinai. "Tonight... I had the intention to... ask you or Ronin to... the problem with seppuku is that it takes two people..." she trails off.
I dinna know if I could have done sae...I have killed many people in my lifetime...mostly out of anger...or out of self-defense...
Ronin tightens his grip on Korunue's hand. "You better not think about seppuku again." He sighs and shifts position against the stable. "I'm starting to get sleepy" he yawned.
Korunue nods. "Do you have a place to stay?" she asks him, shifting a little, glad for the change in topic.
Ronin shakes his head slowly. "Not really, I've been camping the last few months. Haven't had any money to rent a room fr a long time." He lets out toothy yawn and stretches a little.
Korunue nods. "I'd offer for you to stay with us... but you seem to have a problem with humans, and my roomate is human... she has money though, if you need some. "She shifts, sitting up from leaning on him.
Ronin sighs and shakes his head yawning again. "I'm too sleepy to get a room, and its pretty comfortable right here. Warm too, you leaning against me and all." He stretches one final time and letting out another toothy yawn, slowly closes his eyes and falls asleep against the stable, with Korunue sitting next to him.
Korunue pats Sinai a little, sympatheticlly, then leans on him again. "This is nice..." she murmers, half asleep. "Aldrea won't mind having the room to herself for the night." She drops off into a light sleep, with one last "g'night."
Let's leave them alone for now, aight? Review!
mindtalk
~another type of mindtalk~
Last Chapter:
She'd live. For now.
******************** Later, back at the Inn *********************
Korunue pokes her head out of the door. Just her head, nothing more. She wears a black bandanna on her night-black her, contrasting her creamy white skin. Her nose twitchesin ways no human nose is meant to twitch as she sniffs the air. The bandanna lumps funnily, but that could be an odd haircut. Her hair is tucked behind her shoulders, so it falls out of sight. A small chain can be seen, but the necklace is tucked under a black neckline. Spying Ronin, she ducks back in, eyes wide in fear.
Ronin pauses in mid stride, his eyes shifting from side to side, his ears turning in every direction. "Surrounded by damn humans." He mutters under his breath. Slowly shaking his head, but still in the same alert mode, he makes his way to the bar.
Korunue pokes her head back out, sans bandanna. In it's place are two fluffy black dog's ears that flick about timidly. Her eyes are wide, and hold some extra element of sadness not present before. More than that, there is some hint of... betrayal? She looks about, ears and eyes going in 3 different directions, timidly searching the room for some other enemy.
Ronin takes a seat at the bar, as far away from the humans as possible. A loud grunt issues from his throat and he motions Moe to come over. When Moe arrives, Ronin leans forward and speaks in a slow whisper, giving Moe very exact instructions so he doesnt screw up like most humans would. With a growl he sits back and motions moe to go awa and fetch his order.
Korunue timidly steps out of her room, wearing the usual white kimono with black trim. She also wears black leggings under it this time, and her left hand hovers in front of her belly. Her right hand clutches a well-polished bamboo bow, and she has a quiver of arrows on her left shoulder blade. She timidly creeps down the stairs, head lowered, avoiding the gaze of Ronin. She takes a seat at the bar, away from him, and runs her fingers over her bow, humming a tune as she checks her primary weapon for cracks.
Ronin taps his fingers his fingers on the bar, beating out a small rythym until Moe returns with his drink. Noticing Korunue take a seat at the bar he moves down till he is next to her. "You didn't cover up your ears tonight little one." He says, rasing one of his fingers to point at her ears. "Good girl." He adds, almost in a rewarding tone. "You're finally starting to learn how to act." He grins when he notices that moe has to stop and look for him, and lets out a grunt to make himself known.
Korunue looks down, timidly, not saying anything at all. She does not even let out the small sigh she feels growing in her chest, looking down, bashfully, checking and re-checking her bow. It was something to do.
Ronin lets a low growl escape him as Moe finally arrives with his drink. Ronin reaches into his shirt and pulls out a few coins to toss to Moe "Good job human, you didn't screw up." He scowls at Moe as he scurries away. Turning back to Korunue he looks her over "You look different, what did you do?" He asks with a half-scowl.
Korunue looks down, not talking. Her ears sink until they are flat, parallel to the top of her head, then she remembers and they suddanly pop up. Her head does not, however. She does not say a word to him.
Ronin lets another of the familiar rumbles rise in his throat. "Why won't you answer me, little one?" He questions, trying to find the source of her problem "Did you do something stupid? Forget you were youkai maybe?" He piles question on question, trying to get Korunue to speak.
Korunue shakes her head, fearful of another hit. She looks up, meeting his gaze with eyes full of unreadable emotions, a few of which are hurt, betrayal, concern, and, of course, the ever-present fear. "do you really want to know?" she asks, her voice horse, scarecly above a whisper.
Ronin focuses both his ears on Korunue "Of course I want to know, little one. You in trouble? Some human picking on you or something?" He seems to be honestly concerned with her problems and trying to get some answers so he can help her.
Korunue picks up on the concern in his voice, and bites her lower lip. She looks down, then slowly lifts her kimono up to her chest, revealing above the leggings a long scar, with an upcurve at the right end. It was freshly healed, and looked deep. She knew Ronin would recognise the scar for what it was, and after a good amount of time for him to inspect it lowered her kimono. She needed no words, letting the scar speak for itself.
Ronin lets his mouth drop open in surprise, but quickly closes it as he bends down to take a good look at the cut. "What in the world...." He begins, letting the words trail off as he sits back up. "Why the hell would you try to commit seppuku child?" He asks, failing to mask the concern in his voice. Had him slapping her possibly had this much effect....surely not. "Tell me what drove you this far." He says, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Korunue looked down. "I... I failed.... I found my mother's killer, but I couldn't... I couldn't... I had my bow, it was ready, it was aimed true, but I......" she trails off, tears dripping down her cheeks.
Ronin lets one of his rare half-smiles take his lips. "Come here child." He says taking her by the shoulders and pulling her close. "Don't cry like that, it makes you look weak." He says with a half chuckle. He tries his best to keep from breaking down himself. "I know how it feels, little one. My mother is dead, and if I failed to kill her murderers....I'd probably attempt seppuku also." He places a hand on her head, trying to comfort her
Korunue breaks down sobbing, head in hands. "Why are you so nice to me?" she sobs, not beliving in simple kindness. "I'm a monster, and a weakling who can't even avenge her mother's death, and can't even commit seppuku properly. I can't do anything." she sobs, pulling her knees onto the stool.
Ronin smiles softly "Come here." He says, pulling Korunue close to him, giving her a small hug. "There, there, it'll be alright. Calm down, stop crying like that. People will think you weak, dont cry. You're not a monster." He is trying to comfort her, something rare for him, but this hit too close to home for him to ignore.
Korunue tries to stifle her sobs, and they die down to mere sniffles after a good long while. Her legs go down when he pulls her close, and she leans her head against his chest, comfortable, though still miserable. She shuts her eyes, and whispers, "why don't you hate me?", real soft, as she doesn't want him to hate her by suggestion.
Ronin scratches Korunue behind the ears. "I've never hated you, and you are part youkai." He says, letting the analytical part of him take over for a second. "But my mother was killed too, when I was young...about your age I would think. If I wasn't able to avenge her death, I would probably try seppuku too." he rubs her arm, trying to get her to calm fully down.
Korunue cuddles a little longer, knowing that once she breaks away, his pride won't allow this again. She looks up at him, eyes trusting. "really? you never hated me?" she asks, scarcly daring to dream that his answer would be yes. She doesn't even think that he could be lying to make her stop crying, as she had never before stopped to think that he didn't hate her, assuming he did from his gruff manner.
Ronin pats Korunue's head "No, I never hated you. I just have to teach you how to act sometimes." He says with a grin curling his lips. "One thing I cant stand is a youkai denying her heritage. It's almost as bad as a human." The last part is said with a low growl and an angry glance over towards the small group of humans.
Korunue looks down, ashamed of herself. She covers a huge yawn with her small hand. With a deep sigh, she sits up. She takes her bow and stands up. "I should go... I'm half asleep as is..." she mumbles, without making any such move towards the stairs.
Ronin brings his hands back to his sides, nodding at Korunue. "Yeah, you probably should go. don't want you to get any bad influence from this room." He shoots another sharp glance towards the group. "I need to be going too. Good night to you, and seep well." Korunue nods, and slowly walks up the stairs, her ears trained on the hanyou, and enters her room.
************************* The Next Day ***********************************
Korunue pokes her head out, then slips downstairs, with her ears showing, no bandanna. Ronin was there already; he had arrived shortly before her. Ronin gives a satyr a nod. His ears perk up and both point towards Korunue. Giving a small half-smile he nods at her and raises his right hand, motioning her over to the sofa "Come sit over here." he says in a voice just loud enough for Korunue to hear.
Korunue stands, head down, ears slightly drooping, and walks to the couch, one ear on the satyr. She sits down at the edge of the couch, placing her bow in her lap, not looking at Ronin. She turns her head away, though she looks down, so she is looking to her left at the couch.
Ronin sighs and leans back, his hands behind his head. "You feelin' alright?" he asks nonchalantly. One of his ears swivels in various directions, the other is focused on Korunue. He looks almost totally realxed.
Korunue bites her lower lip. "i suppose..." she says, not really sounding alright, but wanting him not to worry about her. She subconciously places her left hand protectivly in front of her lower belly, protecting the recent... injury... there. She lets out a small sigh.
Ronin eyes Korunue's belly "Still bugging you eh?" he says with a grin. "Wasn't the brightest thing you ever did I take it." His ears twist towards a newcomer, but he doesnt turn to look. "So how is it healing? I have a few herbs that might help a little....I think some of them are ready."
Korunue shakes her head a little. "no, not the brightest..." she whispers softly, remembering that night not so long ago... "not the brightest by a long shot...." she whispers, remembering what the scar signified that she was about to do... remembering the steel sword glinting in the moonlight as her friend tested it's sharpness... remembering its purpose... her eyes focused on something not there, as she got lost in the memories.
Ronin twitches his nose a little, sniffing the air the newcomer brings in with him, his ear turns to follow his movements. "Did you hear me, little on?" he asks Korunue again. "I have healing herbs that might could help you...I think I have some already in a paste that cna be rubbed on if you want. They might ease the pain a little."
Korunue shakes her head to clear it. "No.... it doesn't hurt that much, and I'd like to be reminded once in a while... " she says, looking downcast. She wonders if he even remembers how she got the wound they speak of... by his tone, she'd almost think he had forgotten. She dismisses the thought and tries to change the subject. "so... what'cha been up to?" she mimickes his non-chalontless badly.
Ronin shrugs, he had been trying to take her mind off her problems a little bit and seemed to have succeeded. "I've jsut been hunting a little is all." His eyes flash, and a grin slowly breaks out on his face as he remembers the hunt he had been on. "You should go hunting sometime."
Korunue smiles faintly, with just her mouth, her eyes not smiling at all. "perhaps." she says simply, offhandedly. She raises and lowers her right shoulder as she speaks.
Ronin slowly turns his head and stares at Korunue, eyeing her up and down. Taking in her features, and her expression. "Something isn't right. What is it? You can tell me."
Korunue looks him in the eye. Her eyes hold fear, but more sadness and resignation than ever before. "I... " she starts, not wanting to voice her deepest fears.... "I'm scared." she whispers, finally, realizing she has to say something.
Ronin shakes his head at Korunue "What do you have to be scared of, little one?" He asks, his voice filled with curiosity. He reaches out and pats Korunue on her head, scratching her behind the ears. "You shouldn't ave anything to be scared of."
Korunue frowns, looking down. "My friend tried to... kill herself... now, all she wants is death. I... " she looks up, fearful eyes meeting his once more. "I don't want to end up like her." she whispers.
Ronin shakes his head slowly and stands up, stretching. "You won't. It takes two to commit seppuku." He gives Korunue another pat on her head and walks out the door.
Korunue whispers to herself. "it takes two..." she whispers, brooding. Finally she collects her things and heads upstairs, slightly happier. Ronin wouldn't let anything happen to her.... would he? She slips into her room and heads off to bed.
**************************
Korunue sits at the bar, alone, looking over the bow in her lap, head down, timid and meek. She thinks long and hard, tunring things over and over in her mind, running through the events of the last few days over and over. Did he care? he didn't seem like it yesterday... he must have been drunk or in shock before... yes, now it made sense.
Sinai, also in the tavern, looks to Korunue, concerned seeing that Korunue is in such deep, deep thought. She tells the person she has been speaking with goodbye, mentally, and heads over to sit by her.
Ronin enters, and Korunue looks up quicky as the object of her thought approaches, then looks back down. Right. Mr. not-caring. Her bandanna twitches a little, and she would normally remove it for him... but what did he care?
Ronin glances around the inn. A low growl rises in his throat when he spots the human with the veil that Sinai had been talking to earlier. He nods to Sinai, and upon spying Korunue walks over to her. Another low growl rises in his throat when he sees that she is wearing the bandana again. "Didn't I tell you that you shouldn't wear that thing? You're youkai, not human. Stop trying to be one." he says to her.
Korunue lifts and lowers the shoulder nearer to Sinai She does not speak, looking down still. She was not a happy camper, obviously, but she hesitated to tell her friend of her troubles. Then Ronin comes over, and at the growl she winces, wimpers, and takes off the bandanna, revealing 2 large fluffy black dog's ears.
Sinai growls lowly herself, but not at Korunue, just at Ronin- she wishes that the youkai would get along.
Korunue glances at Sinai. "it's alright.... don't worry." she whispers to her. She would elaborate... but he's right there.... and she's not sure herself what their relationship is.
Ronin pats Korunue on her head "Good girl." he says with a grin of satisfaction. He lets out another growl at the wolfgirl, training both ears on her and eyeing her up and down. "Can't you jsut stay out of my business?"Korunue flinches at the pats.
"She is m' friend, Ronin. I am sorrah that I seem to continue tae get intae your business, but she is m' friend." says Sinai. Just then, a glass flies down the bar as if pushed. Sinai hears the glass coming, moving herself and Korunue out of the way of it, shielding her, wondering what the bloody hell is going on.
Korunue's ears rotate to catch the sound and she ducks in her seat, eyes wide in fright, turning in her seat to face it. She stops herself from screaming... and leaps off the stool into a crouch. She winces, placing a hand over her belly protectivly, ears scanning the room.
Ronin nods at Sinai. "She is a little lost too sometimes, seems to forget what she is...or think it is wrong to be." One of his ears turns to track the human as he eyes the glass fly by.
"What the bloody hell is going on?" Sinai finally asks, eyeing the glass as it flew off the counter and hovered an inch above the floor, scooting about like an air hockey puck.
Korunue gets back up, leaping onto the stool. As she does so, her legs bring her kimono up a bit, showing the faintest bit of a deep scar on her belly. She is not worried, as she wears leggings under her kimono, but leaps over the stool and landed on the bartop, crouching defensivly, wide eyes tracking the glass, ears going every which way, one hand between her bent legs onto the bartop for balance, the other hovering protectivly in front of the scar on her belly.
Ronin slowly turns in his seat to eye a shaking human girl. "Damn humans, always trying to start something." he mutters, sounding disgusted with the whole matter. "Can't they jsut leave well enough alone?" He turns one ear to focus on the human, but leaves the other one focused on the wolfgirl, still not trusting her.
Sinai, not sure what to do, looks in the direction the glass came from, then notices a human all in a hullabaloo, with her hair all staticky, and starts speaking aloud to all that are present with her mind. Why are you doing this? They have done nothing tae ye--Least that I'm aware o'
Korunue jumps at the voice in her head, calming just the slightest when she recognises it... she frowns, her forehead crinkling, and looks to the human, one ear on Sinai, the other settling on Ronin. Then, another voice in her head, like a bullhorn: ~~I...Lose conTROL OF It...I'm sORRy..~~
Sinai's right hand goes for her sword at her side, a toledo sword that looks really old, though with no rust or any showings of it's age, wolves and tigers and dragons engraved upon the handle, very beautiful designs. Korunue jumps, eyes narrowing at the human. She climbs down onto her stool, hunching her shoulders, ears on the human, eyes on the bow she returns to her lap. She keeps her left hand in front of her belly, just in case.Ronin instinctively reaches up to his ears, trying to cover them. His eyes narrow into slits as he glares at the human who was sending the glass flying. He truns to see the wolfgirl reaching towards the sword and stands up, nearly knocking his stool over. "Whats wrong with you human?" he growls angrily slowly stalking his way towards her.
Sinai had grabbed her ears, because it was really loud for her. All right...was just wonderin'.. Meanwhile, the human got off her chair, and it flies across the room. Korunue gasps, then runs out the front door, preferring not to see what would happen next. She runs with her head down and her ears drooping into the forest, headed towards the town.
Ronin stops in mid stride when the chairs start to raise. He hears korunue make a break for it, and turns to watch her. "Wimp, I'm gonna have to teach her the way to fight." He turns back around to face the human, eyeing her suspiciously. Hand on his shorter sword.
Korunue stays by the edge of the forest, sniffing, eyes and ears checking her surroundings franticly. She has her bow ready, with an arrow in her hand and another in her teeth. She bends her knees a little as she walks, to provide freedom of movement. And you don't need to be psychic to tell she's terrified. Her ears flick to the slightest sound, and her eyes are wide, her breathing rapidly. She walks slowly towards the Inn. She does not actually enter the inn, staying outside, and heading around to the side of it. She had seen the demon though the window, and instead leans against the edge of the stable, hair falling into her face. She shuts her eyes and blows a few whisps away in a long exhale, not bothered by the cold at all.
Inside, the human suddanly dissapears. Ronin just stand there blinking, then he lets out a howl of frustration. "Damn humans. One of these days..." he lets the sentence trail off as his focus now shifts. His ears roam the inn "Guess I better go look for Korunue." he mutters under his breath. Checking his swords he walks out the door.
Korunue's sensitive ears pick up the howl and she moves to behind the stable, sliding down the wall into a sitting position. She know that if he looks long enough he could find her... it wouldn't take much.. but if he wasn't looking, she'd be out of the way enough for him not to see her. Korunue points her sensitive ears toward the inn, not too far away, and hears someone talking... she remembers that Sinai is still there, and feels bad for leaving her. Her ears point to the forest...
Ronin kneels on the ground just off the porch, sniffing the air, ears turning in every direction, looking for any clue as to where Korunue went. He catches her scent and folows it to where she once stood at the edge of the forest, there he turns and slowly, but surely follows the scent back to the inn, to the window, and finally behind the stable. "There you are." he says calmly. Korunue looks away, over her right shoulder at the vast landscape.
Korunue swivells one ear to pick up her Sinai's voice from inside the nearby inn, each word being a stab at her heart. "I value my friends, good sir...If I am without friends, then I am alone. If I am alone, I am sad and lonely. I am vulnerable. If I am vulnerable, _I_ am dead," she hears. She looks down, a tear forming, but won't go back, not as long as the demon is still there... she sniffs the air to make sure he hasn't entered the open.
Ronin shakes his head slowly, a chuckle escaping his lips "You shouldn't run from a fight, surely even your old sensai taught you that much." He slowly steps up to her and reaches out to place a hand on her shoulder. :Why don't you come back inside, it's colder out here htan in there."
Korunue looks down. "yeah, wadda you care." she mumbles, listening to the conversation inside, feeling guilty and sad.
Ronin frowns at Korunue. He starts to say something, but seems to have trouble getting it out. "I... do..." His voice drops off, and he clears his throat. "I do care, but..." his voice drops again, as if he cant finish the sentence.
Korunue turns to look at Ronin, eyes brimming with tears. She wipes them away with her hand, huddling her knees to her chest. "you don't act like it... I thought... maybe you were drunk or something the other night... " she trails off, not sure why she cares so much if he cares. She looks past him to some furry that was watching them, then keeps one ear on her as she turns back to Ronin.
Ronin turns to look at whatever Korunue is looking at. He growls at whoever it is, trying to scare it away so he can talk. He turns back to Korunue and squats in front of her, one ear focused behind him "...I'm afraid...." He seems to be having trouble saying this. "I'm afraid that if I get close to someone, they will be taken away from me....just like last time." He staes at Korunue, trying to look into her eyes.
Korunue looks right back into his eyes, recognising the fear she lived with all the time. She looks saddened, but fear is always presant in her eyes. "At least..." she struggles with it. "At least... every day, something happens to make me feel... worthless. I grew up with humans.. they thought I was a freak, a monster. And now... it seems even the youkai think that I am not worth the air I breathe. That's why it...." she trails off, then musters up the courage to finish the thought. "that's why it hurts me so much when you insult me, and appear not to care about me."
Ronin smiles softly at Korunue and starts to say something, but he hears something something come closer, then hearing 2 somethings go off in the same direction. He shoots a glance in the last direction he heard a noise. Seeing nothing, he turns back to Korunue. "You're not a monster though." he says, another smile on his lips. "At least, I don't think you are." he adds after a moment.
Korunue looks down. "I'm not so sure..." she whispers. She gazes at the ground by her hand. "After all... I couldn't avenge my mother... I couldn't commit seppuku... I can't do anything right... And what is a monster, but a non-human that can only do wrong?" she asks, looking into his eyes once more. She then overhears Sinai speak once more, to some demon she's been talking to in the Inn: "Maybe I should just resign to my fate, and die like a dog...." Korunue twists an ear towards Sinai. "fuck." she murmers. "my sentiments exactly." She frowns, looking down, turning the other ear to the forest as well.
Ronin reaches out and places a hand on Korunue's shoulder. "It is hard to do seppuku, but if you faced your mothers killer, why aren't you yourself dead if you failed to kill?" He hears Sinai's remark and Korunue's reply. "Don't say that!." he exclaims suddenly. "You have to stay alive for yourself....and for me..." The last part is almost whispered.
In the forest, Sinai suddenly stops, and sits on her rump, her head hung low for a moment before she starts howling very mournfully, trying to express her sorrow through it to the sky, and to the god-forsaken moon that hangs over her head to torment her as much as the people who despise her
Korunue sobs, tears suddanly flowing. She looks up as Sinai howls. "you really mean that? or is this some attempt to keep me alive so it's not on your karma?" she whispers to him, unwilling to belive that he could care so much about her after so little time. The tears drip down her cheeks, and her eyes are unreadable again.
Ronin grins at Korunue. "Yes, I really meant it." he says after a minute. SUddenly he reaches out and pulls Korunue in close to him, hugging her just as Sinai howls again.
Korunue shivers at the sound that so echos her feelings, and hugs Ronin in return, resting her head on his shoulder, tears flowing down onto his shirt. She wimpers a little, hating herself for ever thinking he DIDN'T care, for even thinking what she thought... what she had thought of earlier... she releases him, pulling back, looking down, ears drooping. She finds the spot and digs a little, under a bush, handing him a dagger she came up with. A seppuku dagger. "you hold onto this" she whispers. "I won't need it."
Ronin nods slowly at Korunue. "I will keep it very safe." he says with a grin. He takes the dagger and tucks it deep into his shirt. He sits down on the ground next to Korunue, leaning back against the stable. Ronin reaches a hand out and scratches Korunue behind her ears.
Korunue looks down, a tear tracing her cheek. "don't poke fun... I was going to ask you or Sinai to help me with...." she trailed off. "well..." she trials off again, thinking he'll laugh at her. She thinks of Sinai, all alone... at least she had Ronin. "sounds like somebody's even unhappier than I... poor Sinai..." she murmers, leaning against Ronin.
Ronin puts an arm around Korunue, pulling her close. "When did I poke fun?" he asks honestly. "And what were you going to need help with?" He sits silently for a moment, listening to the small, pitiful howls emitting from the direction Sinai went in.
Korunue looks down, abashed. "you know..." she says. "that." she guestures to his shirt, where he has put the dagger. She looks away, towards the forest where the howls came from, and returns with a howl of her own, matching Sinai's in sadness, but with a hint of comfort in it.
Ronin shakes his head at Korunue. "No, there would be no point in seppuku, its only for those with no escape." He reaches in his shirt, making sure the dagger is secure. His ears both perk in the direction of Sinae, listening to her make her way towards them, responding to Korunue's howl. "She is an outcast too, eh?" he says, pointing towards Sinai.
Korunue nods. "Like me... but she is stronger than I... oh, who was I kidding, she wouldn't help me with.... you know." she didn't dare to name it. "But... what escape had I?" Past tense... for now she had this moment, with him.
Ronin glances over towards Korunue. "Tell me about your past some?" he asks, trying to make conversation. "WHat brins you out here to the inn?"
Sinai reaches them, in wolf form. Are you all right? She lies down next to Korunue, her head on her paws.
Korunue looks down to her lap. Her ears twist to Sinai. "somewhat.... " she murmers to Sinai. Turning back to Ronin, she answers him next. "Well, I grew up with my mother's human friends, and went to a human school for many years. But I dropped out... they never accepted me there. My father was long gone, my mother dead... I found a school for youkai... but... " she looks down, ears drooping. She then looks to Sinai. "I should ask you, are you alright? you sounded so... " she sighs, her sigh betraying the same feelings as Sinai's howls. "alone..."
Sinai whimpers a little, and nods--a humanly gesture, her yellow eyes distant Aye...I have for some time...You seem..better than b'fore. No contempt, actually happy for her, smiling somewhat to her Which is good. Ye needed happiness in ye're life...Unlike me...
Korunue shakes her head. "no... nobody deserves to feel this way... alone, abandoned by their own kind... worthless... " she sighs. She might as well be describing herself as Sinai. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have left, I should have gone back to the Inn... but... I wanted to come out here and think... and..." she sighs.
It behooves m' tae not try tae pursue being happy ana more...Tis impossible...either m' friends die, or I help destroy them in some untimely way, or cause them pain at least... She chuckles Pain...something I ha' known for far tae long...Tis no' your fault, Korunue...Tis mine. Tis no' just that, either...I have thought long and hard on m' life, and that is all it has been. Pain. Anguish. It is all I have given, and all I have received for my trouble of being kind...
Korunue sighs. She looks to Ronin for a second, then back to Sinai. She takes a deep breath. "This is hard for me to admit, a little... I want to show you something." She musters up her courage and raises up her kimono, above the top of their leggings, revealing a scar that went across her belly from left to right, with a slight upturn at the right side. "it's the first cut of a ritual called.... seppuku." it's hard for her to say the word.
Sinai looks at the scar, and whimpers some. Why? It looks like ye tried tae committ suicide...
Ronin pats Korunue on her head, scratching her behind the ears again. "I've still got some herbs that might help with that." he says quietly after a few moments of thinking. He seems to be more relaxed than he would be in the inn, perhaps since there are no humans out here to agitate him he can relax.
Korunue breathes deeply, nodding a little. "That's what seppuku is. Ritual... suicide. This is the first cut, then your second, standing out of sight to your left with a large sword... " she can't finish for her tears. She looks to Ronin to finish her explination, eyes brimming with tears. Sinai nuzzles up close to her, whimpering some, but is quiet so she can hear.
Ronin sighs "The second stands out of sight and waits for a signal, a very uniquesignal of course. At the signal the second cuts your head off, leaving a flap of skin so your head swings forward and stays on. He grimaces at the thought of having to commit seppuku."It is usually only used when there are no other ways out."
Korunue looks down, left hand floating in front of her belly, where the cut is. She takes a depe breath, then another, eyes shut, tears flowing down her cheeks uncontrolably. She dares not hope her friend won't judge her... but it's too late to take it back. She bared her soul, now she has to face the consequences.
Sinai sits up and starts to lick the tears away. Ye have no reason tae cry, m' friend... She smiles weakly, but means it.
Korunue continues to cry, fighting it. "but... I failed... twice, I failed my mother..." she whispers, eyes still shut against the pain, leaning on Ronin still. The tears slow, but still come consistantly.
Sinai wimpers, continuing to lick the tears away. I failed altogether...my family is dead, I have disgraced what it is to be a wolf, and what it is to be a human...I am neither...and I am both...
Ronin pulls Korunue closer and leans down to whisper in her ear. "Don't cry, itll be alright." He pats her on her head and taking her hand in his, pulls it away from her belly. "Don't cry little one." he whispers again.
Korunue wimpers a little as well. "we are so alike..." she whispers to Sinai. "humans will never accept me with my ears, any more than youkai will..." fresh tears pour forth. "my mother died... and I failed to kill her killer, and I failed to... properly atone for my failure..." she looks to her belly, though Ronin held her hand. "i'm sorry... I can't help but cry..."
Ronin leans down close to Korunue's ear. "Humans are too weak to accept anything that is different. Anything that they see as a possible threat." A low rumbling emerges from him as he thinks about the lessons he has learned about humans. "Most youkai are too full of themselves at that also." He sits thinking for a moment. "Did you mothers killer flee from you?" he asks slowly.
Korunue nods a little. "He was looking for me... I had my bow on him, and I couldn't... I couldn't..." tears choke her for a second, stopping the words. She takes a deep breath and continues. "I lowered the bow, and he ran off... I should have known before that he was up to no good, I... he was my sensai." she admits, whispering softly, looking down.
Korunue takes a deep breath. "no... it was flee or die. And I should have shot him... he stood there, so damn cocky, waiting for me to shoot or drop the bow... he didn't want to kill me, so he left..." she takes another deep breath, tears slowing at long last. "I tried to atone for my failure, but... I was too slow, waited too long, and was stopped." She looks down, ashamed.
Ronin places a single finger in front of Korunue's lips. "Shh, don't worry about it. It's all in the past, and you can't change the past. So stop crying about it. Maybe you'll get another chance one day."
Korunue hushes, closing her eyes, tears slowing to a halt. She takes a deep breath, than another, but then deifes him once to say something more to Sinai. "Tonight... I had the intention to... ask you or Ronin to... the problem with seppuku is that it takes two people..." she trails off.
I dinna know if I could have done sae...I have killed many people in my lifetime...mostly out of anger...or out of self-defense...
Ronin tightens his grip on Korunue's hand. "You better not think about seppuku again." He sighs and shifts position against the stable. "I'm starting to get sleepy" he yawned.
Korunue nods. "Do you have a place to stay?" she asks him, shifting a little, glad for the change in topic.
Ronin shakes his head slowly. "Not really, I've been camping the last few months. Haven't had any money to rent a room fr a long time." He lets out toothy yawn and stretches a little.
Korunue nods. "I'd offer for you to stay with us... but you seem to have a problem with humans, and my roomate is human... she has money though, if you need some. "She shifts, sitting up from leaning on him.
Ronin sighs and shakes his head yawning again. "I'm too sleepy to get a room, and its pretty comfortable right here. Warm too, you leaning against me and all." He stretches one final time and letting out another toothy yawn, slowly closes his eyes and falls asleep against the stable, with Korunue sitting next to him.
Korunue pats Sinai a little, sympatheticlly, then leans on him again. "This is nice..." she murmers, half asleep. "Aldrea won't mind having the room to herself for the night." She drops off into a light sleep, with one last "g'night."
Let's leave them alone for now, aight? Review!