Dib..Potter?
A/n: Well I knew I wanted to do a parody of SOMETHING with the IZ cast, but I didn't know what since I wanted to be original! At first I thought A Christmas Carol, but it's been done before on FFN. SO I thought the craziest thought in the world (oh god help us all) Harry Potter IZ style! Yes, yes, if J.K. Rowling WAS dead she'd be rolling in her grave for my horrible parody of DOOM (please note the WAS, and no, I'm not going to kill her, I love Harry Potter too much!). Well.does not the title describe it all? I suggest you all get some munchies so if you get bored reading this (almost a guaranteed boredom) you can at least eat! I suggest you wait until 2 am when everything seems interesting. "You all will be sent to a place made entirely of food.I like food" um.thank you Gir ::shifty eyes:: ANYWHO moving right on to the story ::nervous laugh then cough, gags, etc.:: LET THE GAMES.BEGIN! (ok not really games, but forgive me I just had STARBUCKS..mmmm..coffee ::drool:: anywho, it explains the MADNESS!! Although I've had this idea in my insane head for a few days).
Chapter One: The Mysterious Letters of DOOM!
Dib Membrane was unusually happy in skool today. He did not even notice the 'kick me' sign placed on the back of him.although it was a hard task not to notice since well, people kept kicking him, but none of the less, Dib was still cheerful. For today, in exactly one week, Dib would be 11 years old. Dib had been hinting to his sister Gaz to get him the new pair of x-scope goggles that only the army has so far. Or the new paranormal book "How to Catch an Alien and Save the World from DOOM in Only 10 Days". But that was not why the young Paranormal Investigator was so excited. Nope, his dad promised him a very special surprise gift for his birthday, since he was sort of neglecting him because he was working on his latest invention..SUPER TOAST 2, but you all didn't hear that from me! His SUPER TOAST 2 is very hush hush.
"What if it's a new telescope?" Dib asked himself out loud excitedly. 'Then maybe if it's more powerful than the one I have now, I might be able to see Zim's home planet!' He thought to himself. This made the boy snicker and look at his arch-nemesis, Zim.
'Surely whatever I get for my birthday' he thought to himself some more 'it will aid me in saving the world and proving that I was right about Zim all along!'
No seemed to notice, or care, that the boy with the signature black trench coat and upside down smiley face shirt, had pulled out the latest issue of 'crop circle magazine' - a must have for every Paranormal Investigator. He browsed the end of the magazine that is exclusively for selling paranormal investigation equipment, anything you need for catching ghosts to aliens, and even your very own vampire slaying kit. Dib began to dream which of these HE would be getting for his birthday, completely ignoring the creepy teacher, Ms. Bitters, as she gave her infamous doom speech.
It seemed that as soon as the boy had pulled out the magazine that the bell rang for lunch. He picked up the magazine and skipped to lunch. Eventually, his cheeriness began to gather some attention, I mean, who skips anymore? Frolicking I can understand. rather fun as well, but skipping? Honestly Dib! Especially in a doomful skool like the one our young hero is in.
No sooner had Dib entered the café, than he found himself screaming as he fell face first on the ground because someone had pushed him - ouch. His magazine slid from his grip to a little way in front of him landing by a black boot. A black-gloved hand was soon seen to pick it up. Dib groaned as he looked up and glared at his foe.
"ZIM!" He said, trying to sound threatening. He quickly pulled himself up and dusted himself off as well as giving the alien a death-glare. He held out his hand, motioning to hand him the magazine. And if the moronic alien still didn't understand, he demanded it too. "Give that back ZIM!"
Zim just cackled evilly and opened it up beginning to read it. "I thought you would be better than this load of.nonsense DIB-stink! And why are you so happy today? I see nothing special about this pitiful Earth day!"
Dib just folded his arms and glared at his archenemy. "Well space-boy! In exactly one week it'll be my birthday! And that means whatever I get for my birthday will help aid me in YOUR defeat!" He said rather proudly.
This made Zim laugh even harder. "Stupid human, do you think anyone really cares enough to get YOU a present?"
Dib glared. "My family does" he simply replied trying hard not to show hurt.
Again, Zim laughed yet even harder. So hard, tears were starting to form from the Irken's eyes. "Your FAMILY?! How can you even call it a family! I bet they'll forget!"
Dib's glare softened but he tried to remain strong in front of his enemy and not show pain or worry. "Of course they'll remember!"
Again, more laughter. "Did they remember last year?"
Dib glared, how could he have known? "Hey how did you know - I mean, yes!" He did a nervous glance, as he knew they did indeed forget last year.
Zim shook his head. "I don't think so stink-beast! They've forgotten nearly every year, haven't they?"
Dib thought a moment. "No.when I was 5 I got a bicycle." He smiled remembering that bicycle, a sleek black bike with a little horn on it that he replaced himself with an alien's head horn. A flashback of a cute five- year old Dib (awwww how cute!) flashed through the boy's mind. He could still hear the "honk honk" sound made by the squishy green alien.
Zim raised an eyebrow at the tranquil look on Dib's face as he drifted down memory lane.
"Eh?" He couldn't stand it anymore so he ripped a page out of the magazine to snap the Dib stink back to reality.
Dib frowned as he soon remembered what happened to the bike. 4 year old Gaz happened to it. She took the bike, and rolled it down the street while Dib wasn't looking. At just that moment, a semi-truck came by and smashed the bike to smithereens. 5 year old Dib could seen be seen, and heard, crying helplessly even though no one seemed to care. 11 year old Dib glared at the memory. 'Gaz will pay,' he thought.
Dib shook his head as he realized what Zim had done to the magazine. "huh?" Realized what Zim did to his brand spanking new magazine "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The alien cackled evilly, soon the entire issue was torn to shreds, then Zim tossed the pieces of the magazine at Dib's feet. "Happy Birthday DIB" he called out tauntingly as he went to get his lunch, even though he never ate.
Dib just stared at the magazine with a blank stare, he hadn't even read the whole issue yet! He choked down tears of his miserable defeat not bothering to get lunch since he only had five minutes left, the ripping sound still rang in his ears. He slowly shuffled his feet towards his sister Gaz, who had either already eaten or too busy playing her game to care about food.
'that stupid game' thought Dib. He hated that game dearly since it seemed she cherished it more than him.
"Um, Gaz?" He asked nervously. His sister looked up at him giving him a cold stare. She sighed in annoyance and turned her attention back to her game.
"What now DIB?" She asked coldly.
"Well.um, I was wondering if you knew what day it was next week."
"Why should I care what's next week Dib? Now be quiet if you value your life! I'm almost done with the game!!"
"And what are you going to do once you beat it?"
She growled threateningly and with that ended their brief conversation. No sooner had it ended, the bell rang and the skool kids groaned, as they knew that singled the start of another lesson.
The boy with the long trench coat, big army boots, and a frowning smiley face t-shirt sighed depressingly as he slunk back to the classroom, his cheery mood ruined by his alien foe.
"Stupid Zim" he muttered out loud to himself to no one in particular. "Ruining my only good day."
With a long, depressing sigh, the boy took his seat at the farthest end of the classroom. The walk to his seat seemed farther now. He glanced at the opposite end of the room and shot a death glare to his nemesis. Zim merely glared back at the boy.
'Oh how he will pay!' thought Dib. 'But how?' The boy pondered this as he felt his head fall onto his arm, which was stretched across the desk. His droopy eyes slowly closed as he tried to ignore the person behind him who was kicking annoyingly underneath his seat. He ignored his snake-like teacher giving her doom speeches and slowly fell asleep.
What had felt like only 5 minutes, was really a few hours when the familiar "DING" of the skool bell rang through the halls. The class cheered and rushed out the windows to leave the skool grounds. For not only was it the end of the day, but the end of a Friday. And the end of a Friday meant the beginning of the weekend. And the beginning of the weekend meant no skool for two days. Even this thought caused a small smile across Dib's face.
He quickly exited the room ignoring Zim. Zim grinned, since Dib hadn't bothered to throw a pitiful string of insults at him he knew he had won.
'Stupid human emotions!' thought Zim as he walked out.
Dib and Gaz were walking home together. Gaz had been playing her GameSlave 2 and Dib was actually walking silently. Usually he was found blabbering about Zim to Gaz when they walked home together, but not today. Dib was still in a sore mood after what Zim had said. Could it be true? Could no one really care about him?
'No' Dib reassured himself. 'That's just what he WANTS me to think. I can't give up now. Mankind depends on me!'
That made the small grin grow wider. Yes, Dib knew he was a hero, and the only one who could possibly stop the menacing alien and save this planet from world destruction. Oh Dib knew humanity wasn't worth saving, but he also knew he couldn't let Zim win, and he had to prove to the world that he was right all along. Talk about a burden. Oh well, at least he wasn't skipping anymore. That was just plain freaky, no?
Anywho, the two siblings finally made it home. Dib did the usual check of the mail as it was stuffed full, as usual.
"bills, bills, bills, fan mail for dad, more fan mail, fan mail.huh? Hey Gaz, I got a letter!"
The purple haired girl raised an eyebrow. "Who'd be dumb enough to send YOU a letter?"
Dib shook his head. "I don't know."
The letter was not your typical letter. It looked like it came from aged parchment paper and it had a strange seal on the upper right hand corner. The seal had a raven, a badger, a lion, and a snake with strange words underneath them that Dib couldn't make out. He was about to open it when the floating head of Professor Membrane came out of no where.
"Hello kids, I trusted you had a good day at skool."
Dib shrugged. "It was ok."
"Glad to hear it son."
"Hey dad, I got a letter!" Dib waved the letter proudly, but Membrane didn't look as pleased.
"Son, I don't want you to open it until I get home understand?"
Dib frowned. "But why dad? It's to me, it says 'Dib Membrane' and it lists our address and everything! I never get letters! And look at this, it has a weird shield of some sort.".
"With a lion and a snake?"
"Yea, how'd you know?" Dib looked at his 'dad' puzzled.
"Not now Son, I'll explain later. Just don't open it, it might be one of those anthrax things or something or other. Just wait until I get home ok Son?"
Dib sighed disappointedly. "But dad," the boy whined "What if it's birthday money? I
-am- 11 after all!"
The professor shook his head "if it was birthday money there'd be a return address. Do you see one?"
Dib turned the letter over in his hands examining it. He shook his head sadly and looked up at his father. "No, I don't"
"Well there, you see? So just wait until I get home ok Dib?"
Dib frowned but nodded. And waited, and waited.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A/n: wow 5 ½ pages on word!! I hope you all enjoyed this; I sure had fun writing it! Please R/R!! Thankies. And don't look at me because I have no idea where this is going!
A/n: Well I knew I wanted to do a parody of SOMETHING with the IZ cast, but I didn't know what since I wanted to be original! At first I thought A Christmas Carol, but it's been done before on FFN. SO I thought the craziest thought in the world (oh god help us all) Harry Potter IZ style! Yes, yes, if J.K. Rowling WAS dead she'd be rolling in her grave for my horrible parody of DOOM (please note the WAS, and no, I'm not going to kill her, I love Harry Potter too much!). Well.does not the title describe it all? I suggest you all get some munchies so if you get bored reading this (almost a guaranteed boredom) you can at least eat! I suggest you wait until 2 am when everything seems interesting. "You all will be sent to a place made entirely of food.I like food" um.thank you Gir ::shifty eyes:: ANYWHO moving right on to the story ::nervous laugh then cough, gags, etc.:: LET THE GAMES.BEGIN! (ok not really games, but forgive me I just had STARBUCKS..mmmm..coffee ::drool:: anywho, it explains the MADNESS!! Although I've had this idea in my insane head for a few days).
Chapter One: The Mysterious Letters of DOOM!
Dib Membrane was unusually happy in skool today. He did not even notice the 'kick me' sign placed on the back of him.although it was a hard task not to notice since well, people kept kicking him, but none of the less, Dib was still cheerful. For today, in exactly one week, Dib would be 11 years old. Dib had been hinting to his sister Gaz to get him the new pair of x-scope goggles that only the army has so far. Or the new paranormal book "How to Catch an Alien and Save the World from DOOM in Only 10 Days". But that was not why the young Paranormal Investigator was so excited. Nope, his dad promised him a very special surprise gift for his birthday, since he was sort of neglecting him because he was working on his latest invention..SUPER TOAST 2, but you all didn't hear that from me! His SUPER TOAST 2 is very hush hush.
"What if it's a new telescope?" Dib asked himself out loud excitedly. 'Then maybe if it's more powerful than the one I have now, I might be able to see Zim's home planet!' He thought to himself. This made the boy snicker and look at his arch-nemesis, Zim.
'Surely whatever I get for my birthday' he thought to himself some more 'it will aid me in saving the world and proving that I was right about Zim all along!'
No seemed to notice, or care, that the boy with the signature black trench coat and upside down smiley face shirt, had pulled out the latest issue of 'crop circle magazine' - a must have for every Paranormal Investigator. He browsed the end of the magazine that is exclusively for selling paranormal investigation equipment, anything you need for catching ghosts to aliens, and even your very own vampire slaying kit. Dib began to dream which of these HE would be getting for his birthday, completely ignoring the creepy teacher, Ms. Bitters, as she gave her infamous doom speech.
It seemed that as soon as the boy had pulled out the magazine that the bell rang for lunch. He picked up the magazine and skipped to lunch. Eventually, his cheeriness began to gather some attention, I mean, who skips anymore? Frolicking I can understand. rather fun as well, but skipping? Honestly Dib! Especially in a doomful skool like the one our young hero is in.
No sooner had Dib entered the café, than he found himself screaming as he fell face first on the ground because someone had pushed him - ouch. His magazine slid from his grip to a little way in front of him landing by a black boot. A black-gloved hand was soon seen to pick it up. Dib groaned as he looked up and glared at his foe.
"ZIM!" He said, trying to sound threatening. He quickly pulled himself up and dusted himself off as well as giving the alien a death-glare. He held out his hand, motioning to hand him the magazine. And if the moronic alien still didn't understand, he demanded it too. "Give that back ZIM!"
Zim just cackled evilly and opened it up beginning to read it. "I thought you would be better than this load of.nonsense DIB-stink! And why are you so happy today? I see nothing special about this pitiful Earth day!"
Dib just folded his arms and glared at his archenemy. "Well space-boy! In exactly one week it'll be my birthday! And that means whatever I get for my birthday will help aid me in YOUR defeat!" He said rather proudly.
This made Zim laugh even harder. "Stupid human, do you think anyone really cares enough to get YOU a present?"
Dib glared. "My family does" he simply replied trying hard not to show hurt.
Again, Zim laughed yet even harder. So hard, tears were starting to form from the Irken's eyes. "Your FAMILY?! How can you even call it a family! I bet they'll forget!"
Dib's glare softened but he tried to remain strong in front of his enemy and not show pain or worry. "Of course they'll remember!"
Again, more laughter. "Did they remember last year?"
Dib glared, how could he have known? "Hey how did you know - I mean, yes!" He did a nervous glance, as he knew they did indeed forget last year.
Zim shook his head. "I don't think so stink-beast! They've forgotten nearly every year, haven't they?"
Dib thought a moment. "No.when I was 5 I got a bicycle." He smiled remembering that bicycle, a sleek black bike with a little horn on it that he replaced himself with an alien's head horn. A flashback of a cute five- year old Dib (awwww how cute!) flashed through the boy's mind. He could still hear the "honk honk" sound made by the squishy green alien.
Zim raised an eyebrow at the tranquil look on Dib's face as he drifted down memory lane.
"Eh?" He couldn't stand it anymore so he ripped a page out of the magazine to snap the Dib stink back to reality.
Dib frowned as he soon remembered what happened to the bike. 4 year old Gaz happened to it. She took the bike, and rolled it down the street while Dib wasn't looking. At just that moment, a semi-truck came by and smashed the bike to smithereens. 5 year old Dib could seen be seen, and heard, crying helplessly even though no one seemed to care. 11 year old Dib glared at the memory. 'Gaz will pay,' he thought.
Dib shook his head as he realized what Zim had done to the magazine. "huh?" Realized what Zim did to his brand spanking new magazine "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The alien cackled evilly, soon the entire issue was torn to shreds, then Zim tossed the pieces of the magazine at Dib's feet. "Happy Birthday DIB" he called out tauntingly as he went to get his lunch, even though he never ate.
Dib just stared at the magazine with a blank stare, he hadn't even read the whole issue yet! He choked down tears of his miserable defeat not bothering to get lunch since he only had five minutes left, the ripping sound still rang in his ears. He slowly shuffled his feet towards his sister Gaz, who had either already eaten or too busy playing her game to care about food.
'that stupid game' thought Dib. He hated that game dearly since it seemed she cherished it more than him.
"Um, Gaz?" He asked nervously. His sister looked up at him giving him a cold stare. She sighed in annoyance and turned her attention back to her game.
"What now DIB?" She asked coldly.
"Well.um, I was wondering if you knew what day it was next week."
"Why should I care what's next week Dib? Now be quiet if you value your life! I'm almost done with the game!!"
"And what are you going to do once you beat it?"
She growled threateningly and with that ended their brief conversation. No sooner had it ended, the bell rang and the skool kids groaned, as they knew that singled the start of another lesson.
The boy with the long trench coat, big army boots, and a frowning smiley face t-shirt sighed depressingly as he slunk back to the classroom, his cheery mood ruined by his alien foe.
"Stupid Zim" he muttered out loud to himself to no one in particular. "Ruining my only good day."
With a long, depressing sigh, the boy took his seat at the farthest end of the classroom. The walk to his seat seemed farther now. He glanced at the opposite end of the room and shot a death glare to his nemesis. Zim merely glared back at the boy.
'Oh how he will pay!' thought Dib. 'But how?' The boy pondered this as he felt his head fall onto his arm, which was stretched across the desk. His droopy eyes slowly closed as he tried to ignore the person behind him who was kicking annoyingly underneath his seat. He ignored his snake-like teacher giving her doom speeches and slowly fell asleep.
What had felt like only 5 minutes, was really a few hours when the familiar "DING" of the skool bell rang through the halls. The class cheered and rushed out the windows to leave the skool grounds. For not only was it the end of the day, but the end of a Friday. And the end of a Friday meant the beginning of the weekend. And the beginning of the weekend meant no skool for two days. Even this thought caused a small smile across Dib's face.
He quickly exited the room ignoring Zim. Zim grinned, since Dib hadn't bothered to throw a pitiful string of insults at him he knew he had won.
'Stupid human emotions!' thought Zim as he walked out.
Dib and Gaz were walking home together. Gaz had been playing her GameSlave 2 and Dib was actually walking silently. Usually he was found blabbering about Zim to Gaz when they walked home together, but not today. Dib was still in a sore mood after what Zim had said. Could it be true? Could no one really care about him?
'No' Dib reassured himself. 'That's just what he WANTS me to think. I can't give up now. Mankind depends on me!'
That made the small grin grow wider. Yes, Dib knew he was a hero, and the only one who could possibly stop the menacing alien and save this planet from world destruction. Oh Dib knew humanity wasn't worth saving, but he also knew he couldn't let Zim win, and he had to prove to the world that he was right all along. Talk about a burden. Oh well, at least he wasn't skipping anymore. That was just plain freaky, no?
Anywho, the two siblings finally made it home. Dib did the usual check of the mail as it was stuffed full, as usual.
"bills, bills, bills, fan mail for dad, more fan mail, fan mail.huh? Hey Gaz, I got a letter!"
The purple haired girl raised an eyebrow. "Who'd be dumb enough to send YOU a letter?"
Dib shook his head. "I don't know."
The letter was not your typical letter. It looked like it came from aged parchment paper and it had a strange seal on the upper right hand corner. The seal had a raven, a badger, a lion, and a snake with strange words underneath them that Dib couldn't make out. He was about to open it when the floating head of Professor Membrane came out of no where.
"Hello kids, I trusted you had a good day at skool."
Dib shrugged. "It was ok."
"Glad to hear it son."
"Hey dad, I got a letter!" Dib waved the letter proudly, but Membrane didn't look as pleased.
"Son, I don't want you to open it until I get home understand?"
Dib frowned. "But why dad? It's to me, it says 'Dib Membrane' and it lists our address and everything! I never get letters! And look at this, it has a weird shield of some sort.".
"With a lion and a snake?"
"Yea, how'd you know?" Dib looked at his 'dad' puzzled.
"Not now Son, I'll explain later. Just don't open it, it might be one of those anthrax things or something or other. Just wait until I get home ok Son?"
Dib sighed disappointedly. "But dad," the boy whined "What if it's birthday money? I
-am- 11 after all!"
The professor shook his head "if it was birthday money there'd be a return address. Do you see one?"
Dib turned the letter over in his hands examining it. He shook his head sadly and looked up at his father. "No, I don't"
"Well there, you see? So just wait until I get home ok Dib?"
Dib frowned but nodded. And waited, and waited.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A/n: wow 5 ½ pages on word!! I hope you all enjoyed this; I sure had fun writing it! Please R/R!! Thankies. And don't look at me because I have no idea where this is going!