Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sama. 'Simple and Clean' is by Utada Hikaru. (I'm so in love with this song…)
Wrapped around your finger
By miyamoto yui
/"Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before"/
Chapter 4 – honesty.
(Ryuichi)
As I took a deep breath, my chest still touched the bare back of Shuichi. My hands enveloped themselves on each side of his as he bent his head down in tiredness.
The only sounds that could be heard were our shortened breaths as I kissed his neck while he winced as I entered his body one more time. Then, I let go as he turned around and laid on the bed below me.
My hands began to intertwine with his once more as I leaned forward to kiss his hair as I sang to him the words that I would have never said until tonight:
"When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go."
There was no other way to say it to him, except to sing. That was the only way we connected without anyone really understanding what our passions and our love were. We were on our own world when it came to these things.
As I kissed his sweaty forehead, his eyes blinked as I looked down at him. "Ryuichi…"
Then, his head turned away shamefully from me.
I tilted my head knowing full well what he would say to me. "What's wrong?"
My fingers ran through his hair as I cupped my hand on his cheek to face me once again.
His eyes looked deeply at me as he answered, "This is wrong."
That was the time that I put my head down as I repositioned myself with my knees touching each side of his hips. I couldn't look at him and common sense was coming back.
How stupid I had been…
This wasn't the way I should have saved him…to preserve his love…
He belonged to someone else.
Not to me.
I only captured his heart when it came to music.
My heart beat faster and faster as I found myself looking at Shuichi who wouldn't even turn to me now.
"How can I tell you that you're the reason, Shuichi?" I mumbled quietly, wanting him to half hear me and half not.
"What do you mean?" he asked as his confused eyes looked up to me once more.
"You're the reason why there's a Nittle Grasper again." I gave him a melancholic smile as I said, "Why I enjoy singing even more…"
His eyes opened a bit in shock.
Then, I leaned forward to kiss him again on the lips as he accepted my mouth.
Confusion was plaguing me, and yet I couldn't help but let my temptation get the best of me.
I know this is wrong, but there's nothing I can do…
At that moment, I let go as he got off the bed and changed silently in front of me. I also got up from the messy bed and began to change; but I watched him as he buttoned my shirt, since he had no other clothes.
It's awful to think that I was proud that my scent was on Shuichi Shindou…
When he wasn't even mine…
I…have gone to far…
I shouldn't have give in to myself..
"I'm going to Hiro," he said as he turned around to leave. "He needs me."
I need you too. My eyes didn't betray the hurt that I held, but couldn't even begin to tell him.
"You'll understand someday why I did this, Shuichi," I said as he was crossing the threshold.
He stopped walking to stand and listen to me talk.
I continued calmly, "There will be someone who will love something as much as you do. And you don't want them to lose that spark because that's what makes them, them."
I then walked up to him and took a hold of his shoulders to turn him around to face me. "That's your charm, Shuichi. Sadness shouldn't touch your face."
"It's funny that you say that because I loved your songs because they were bittersweet."
Then, he took a step back away from me. He was fighting me as best as he could.
And that was fine, for if he didn't, I wouldn't have let him go…
"Don't tell me that you never fell in love with me at one time, Shuichi…" I desparately asked with a firm tone in my voice to camouflage what I was really thinking.
"I won't then." He turned around as his hands became fists. "I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a time. After all, you're the one that changed my life."
With the confidence that I never really had when it came to love, it finally came out. Seriously, I said behind him, "I'd be lying to say that I didn't love you, Shuichi."
Why must you be so blunt, Ryuichi?
I can't help these things when they overflow…
"There's someone else who loves you, Ryuichi…" Shuichi said and then he walked away from me.
"I haven't found that person yet." I shook my head a bit as I sighed while I followed him a few feet away. "I thought it would be you."
Shuichi tripped as he grabbed for the knob of the front door to keep his composure as best as he could. "You flatter me too much."
Then, he shook his head trying not to cry as he looked at me. "He's always looking for you…if only you would open your eyes and then you would know…"
"…Just like I should have with Hiro," he finished as he closed the door behind him with a look of remorse.
With the click of the door, my hand reached out for him as a tear slipped from my cheek without me knowing if it was for myself, him, or both of us.
I sang to myself as my voice echoed in my empty home,
"When you are older, you'll understand
It's enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple."
I scolded myself as I looked at the ceiling,
"But my simple honesty always gets me into trouble…
That's something that people love about your music, but has made you hate yourself so many times…
Won't you ever learn, Ryuichi?"
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's note: Whoa, how time flies. I'm sorry that this took a long time, but so many things bogged me down and they're too numerous to list right now. I'm working hard with this fic, but please be patient and I hope you are enjoying it so far.
Yes, I know there's a slight modification on the song. ^_^
Wrapped around your finger
By miyamoto yui
/"Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before"/
Chapter 4 – honesty.
(Ryuichi)
As I took a deep breath, my chest still touched the bare back of Shuichi. My hands enveloped themselves on each side of his as he bent his head down in tiredness.
The only sounds that could be heard were our shortened breaths as I kissed his neck while he winced as I entered his body one more time. Then, I let go as he turned around and laid on the bed below me.
My hands began to intertwine with his once more as I leaned forward to kiss his hair as I sang to him the words that I would have never said until tonight:
"When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go."
There was no other way to say it to him, except to sing. That was the only way we connected without anyone really understanding what our passions and our love were. We were on our own world when it came to these things.
As I kissed his sweaty forehead, his eyes blinked as I looked down at him. "Ryuichi…"
Then, his head turned away shamefully from me.
I tilted my head knowing full well what he would say to me. "What's wrong?"
My fingers ran through his hair as I cupped my hand on his cheek to face me once again.
His eyes looked deeply at me as he answered, "This is wrong."
That was the time that I put my head down as I repositioned myself with my knees touching each side of his hips. I couldn't look at him and common sense was coming back.
How stupid I had been…
This wasn't the way I should have saved him…to preserve his love…
He belonged to someone else.
Not to me.
I only captured his heart when it came to music.
My heart beat faster and faster as I found myself looking at Shuichi who wouldn't even turn to me now.
"How can I tell you that you're the reason, Shuichi?" I mumbled quietly, wanting him to half hear me and half not.
"What do you mean?" he asked as his confused eyes looked up to me once more.
"You're the reason why there's a Nittle Grasper again." I gave him a melancholic smile as I said, "Why I enjoy singing even more…"
His eyes opened a bit in shock.
Then, I leaned forward to kiss him again on the lips as he accepted my mouth.
Confusion was plaguing me, and yet I couldn't help but let my temptation get the best of me.
I know this is wrong, but there's nothing I can do…
At that moment, I let go as he got off the bed and changed silently in front of me. I also got up from the messy bed and began to change; but I watched him as he buttoned my shirt, since he had no other clothes.
It's awful to think that I was proud that my scent was on Shuichi Shindou…
When he wasn't even mine…
I…have gone to far…
I shouldn't have give in to myself..
"I'm going to Hiro," he said as he turned around to leave. "He needs me."
I need you too. My eyes didn't betray the hurt that I held, but couldn't even begin to tell him.
"You'll understand someday why I did this, Shuichi," I said as he was crossing the threshold.
He stopped walking to stand and listen to me talk.
I continued calmly, "There will be someone who will love something as much as you do. And you don't want them to lose that spark because that's what makes them, them."
I then walked up to him and took a hold of his shoulders to turn him around to face me. "That's your charm, Shuichi. Sadness shouldn't touch your face."
"It's funny that you say that because I loved your songs because they were bittersweet."
Then, he took a step back away from me. He was fighting me as best as he could.
And that was fine, for if he didn't, I wouldn't have let him go…
"Don't tell me that you never fell in love with me at one time, Shuichi…" I desparately asked with a firm tone in my voice to camouflage what I was really thinking.
"I won't then." He turned around as his hands became fists. "I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a time. After all, you're the one that changed my life."
With the confidence that I never really had when it came to love, it finally came out. Seriously, I said behind him, "I'd be lying to say that I didn't love you, Shuichi."
Why must you be so blunt, Ryuichi?
I can't help these things when they overflow…
"There's someone else who loves you, Ryuichi…" Shuichi said and then he walked away from me.
"I haven't found that person yet." I shook my head a bit as I sighed while I followed him a few feet away. "I thought it would be you."
Shuichi tripped as he grabbed for the knob of the front door to keep his composure as best as he could. "You flatter me too much."
Then, he shook his head trying not to cry as he looked at me. "He's always looking for you…if only you would open your eyes and then you would know…"
"…Just like I should have with Hiro," he finished as he closed the door behind him with a look of remorse.
With the click of the door, my hand reached out for him as a tear slipped from my cheek without me knowing if it was for myself, him, or both of us.
I sang to myself as my voice echoed in my empty home,
"When you are older, you'll understand
It's enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple."
I scolded myself as I looked at the ceiling,
"But my simple honesty always gets me into trouble…
That's something that people love about your music, but has made you hate yourself so many times…
Won't you ever learn, Ryuichi?"
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's note: Whoa, how time flies. I'm sorry that this took a long time, but so many things bogged me down and they're too numerous to list right now. I'm working hard with this fic, but please be patient and I hope you are enjoying it so far.
Yes, I know there's a slight modification on the song. ^_^