Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami-sama and I just love Shuichi, Ryuichi, Hiro and Tatsuha. Is it so wrong to mess with them? ^_^ Maybe. The lyrics are from 'Punch and Judy' by the Cascades.
Wrapped around your finger
By miyamoto yui
//"I wish I knew why she acts this way
We're like puppets in a play…
While I must act a happy fool.
Though I smile, it hurts inside
Even puppets have some pride."//
Chapter 7 - Ochita okurimono. (The falling present.)
Shuichi had been busy, but was he avoiding him? Why?
Was it because of the book?
He didn't mean it. He honestly threw it poorly, but would Shuichi really believe that?
Just the night before, he had refused to sleep with Shuichi because he was too tired and Shuichi was crying thinking that he was tired of him…
"I wonder why he won't answer the phone?" he tried again that late night as he turned off the television.
But even that wouldn't stop the images of Shuichi within his mind. He knew the entire video because he kept on repeating it, almost cursing himself as if he were his lover looking through his Nittle Grasper collection.
Sakuma Ryuichi.
Why did that name always give him such problems with Shuichi? Not to mention a little jealous at such a trifle matter. No matter what it was, it seemed that he couldn't get to Shuichi whenever it came to Ryuichi. This idol of Japan was an unattainable to Shuichi as his brother longed for the same person.
Strangely, his mixed feelings made him think of his brother Tatsuha. That boy would stop at nothing whenever it came to Ryuichi. Whether it was just an advertisement for Ryuichi on a music show or other, Tatsuha was sure to have it.
He would stop at nothing. It was his life goal to meet Sakuma Ryuichi…
…and yet, with all his strength, he didn't allow himself to.
Afraid of rejection by the object of utter affection and undying desire.
Now, Yuki, who had been overconfident until today, saw how close he was feeling like his brother while staring at a changed Shuichi.
Was Shuichi _really_ trying to avoid him? Why?
Was he still mad at the book?
By now, Yuki knew that this type of thing would upset Shuichi because Shuichi would always blame himself whenever Yuki had a problem and became quiet and irritable.
He just couldn't find himself saying "I'm sorry" to Shuichi. Though he had admitted that he had loved the pink genki ball, he still hadn't gotten to the level of apologizing for his wrong doings. Yuki was just stubborn that way, and they both knew that. He tried to be better about it, but it was not happening any time soon.
Like the wound incurred by that bastard Kitagawa, this trait would still belong to Yuki like a birthmark no matter how he tried to take it out.
At least now, Yuki was feeling guilty.
Shuichi still wouldn't answer the phone. Instead, he finally left a message. "Shuichi. Why won't you answer the phone? I'm finally back in town until I go up north for the second half of the tour. Please call me."
Yuki's tone throughout the message was cruel. He was concerned, but anyone who didn't know him too well wouldn't have known that.
Would Shuichi be able to read through it if he looked so upset in the video?
Caught between wanting to visit Shuichi and staying in his hotel room, Yuki couldn't let his pride go.
Yet, he could not stop persisting on calling Shuichi. For Shuichi, of all people, felt that showing your love was more than anything. That's what he always wanted and though it was tiring, Yuki had learned to be more expressive about his feelings.
Especially when Yuki had bit his ear and Shuichi turned red with a cat-like grin and purred into Yuki's ear saying, "Ne, Yuki?"
"Nani?" he said as he took out a cigarette from his pocket and began to light it as he sat on the couch, but decided against it. Shuichi leaned his hand on Yuki's chest while sitting on his lap. He then looked at the cigarette held in mid-air right in front of him with a skeptical look on his face.
"You should stop smoking," he said with a concerned face and in a slightly annoyed tone.
Yuki said nothing while keeping his cigarette unlit.
"You'll watch the music video with me right?" Shuichi had asked while making a circling motion with his finger over Yuki's heart. "We'll watch it together since your book tour will be coming through here for a day or two."
Yuki nodded his head. With a big kiss on his lips, Shuichi laughed and smiled as he said, "You promised Yuki!"
At that moment, Yuki had looked into his lover's eyes wondering why in the world did he fall in love with someone so energetic.
He looked at his cigarette and at the impatient Shuichi who had made it a campaign to make Yuki stop smoking by offering himself as the next addiction. Not that it was a bad collateral, mind you…
Yuki placed the unlit cigarette back into his packet and let Shuichi drag him into the bedroom while tugging on his sleeve.
Ring, ring.
He got up and began to call again.
It wasn't like Shuichi to forget being together. Not even for a second.
A deep pain began to inflict his chest as he stared at the phone.
After the sixth time, he gave up and left a message again. "Shuichi, where are you?"
Short and to the point with as much concern as he could possibly give.
Somehow though, it never really reached Shuichi…
No matter what he did…
And he was falling into his own demise.
He put down the phone and walked over to the balcony. Taking out a cigarette from his pocket, his open white shirt somewhat swayed in the wind as he crossed his arms over the railing.
His moods may not have swung as much as Shuichi, but if only Shuichi would see how crazy he drove him without even saying a word.
While Yuki was thinking about Shuichi, Ryuichi walked into Nittle Grasper Records. He had been given a key and code by Touma so he had no problem getting in and went into one of the many recording booths.
He placed a cassette into the main player and sat down on the ground while leaning on one wall with his eyes up at the ceiling.
He certainly didn't want anyone seeing him right now. No, he wanted to be completely alone. It was something as familiar as the darkness to him.
It hurt, but he had no choice.
Being genki was a part of him that he couldn't control. It was the façade that was a part of him and yet not so. It was natural and yet it was not all of him.
He didn't want to worry anyone.
Only Touma knew the truth.
It was surreal to him. For he could hear his own voice, but he couldn't really recognize it. Even the super energetic beat would lead someone astray if they didn't pay attention.
Ryuichi let himself become consumed by his own music. It was something he had done to shut out his heart from his whole body.
"You call my name
I'm sure it's a lie…
You call my name, I stare at you.
You think I'm as perfect as can be.
The cute puppet face that I put on everyday
You call my name
But I told you a lie.
You call my name, You call my name.
I break your heart with all I have to sing
I'm smiling right in front of you
But that's just a face I put on.
We make dreams to mask the true fears
we keep inside, a strength untrue,
I say 'I'm okay', but that means it's 'no.'
I can't even understand myself.
You call my name, I stare at you.
You think I'm as perfect as can be.
The cute puppet face that I put on everyday
You call my name
But I told you a lie.
Inside of you…
Though I walk in darkness, blinded along the way
I'll grope for anything to hold onto
I don't want to be given anything
I want this the hard way.
Many try to get near me, I push them away easily
They all want one thing
And it isn't even you.
You call my name You call my name
You think I'm as perfect as can be.
The cute puppet face that I put on everyday
You call my name
But I told you a lie.
Inside of me…
We make dreams to mask the true fears
we keep inside, a strength untrue
I say 'I'm okay', but that means it's 'no.'
I can't even understand myself.
You call my name You call my name
You think I'm as perfect as can be.
The cute puppet face that I put on everyday
You call my name
But I told you a lie.
You call my name, You call my name
I break your heart with all I have to say
I'm smiling right in front of you
But that's just a face I put on.
Inside of me… We make dreams
Inside of you… to mask the true fears
Inside of me… we keep inside
We make dreams
To mask the true fears
We keep inside."
As the song faded and Ryuichi found himself in a trance, unable to move, but bury his head between his arms in defeat.
There was a knocking on Yuki's hotel door. His heart was feeling uneasy as he turned the knob of the door of his hotel room. He found himself staring at a beautiful geisha before him in deep, deep red.
It was as if Shuichi had just stepped out of the music video on the television.
"Shuichi…" he mumbled as Shuichi's eyebrows almost touched one another in frustration and loss.
Without another word, Yuki let him inside and went into the kitchen to prepare a coffee. But Shuichi sat on the counter with an agenda of his own. Seductively, he crossed his legs and looked at Yuki with a face that wouldn't be anything but honest.
As Yuki turned the coffee pot on and filled it, he went in front of Shuichi and held his waist. Looking up to Shuichi, he blinked his eyes. Shuichi ran his fingers through Yuki's hair. Then, he stopped as he placed his arms over Yuki's shoulders and whispered into his ear, "Where have you been?"
His tears began to well up.
Yuki answered with a confused, "On the book fair. Where else, baka?"
"You were so far away from me…" Shuichi whispered into his ear. "So far away…"
Shuichi caressed Yuki's cheeks as he closed his eyes to kiss his lips. His legs began to unwind and wrap around one of Yuki's as he felt Yuki become hotter with his touch. Yuki began to undo Shuichi's obi unable to contain himself.
At this, Yuki's heart finally fell.
Shuichi's desparate touch felt so cold towards him despite his warm gestures.
They had switched places now…
Shuichi was not a child anymore…
He was acting like he knew something about the forbidden fruit of knowledge…
Yuki knew Shuichi was slipping away…
…or worse yet, Shuichi wasn't his anymore…
tsuzuku…/to be continued…
--
Author's note: Kind of a weird and short chapter, but too many perspectives. I have to keep things in order.
Sorry about the month hiatus. It wasn't by choice, I assure you. I was doing all my homework a month in advance so that I could do all the other stuff I always wanted to do before graduation, like going to Koreatown! (And that means I'll have to go get my May Asuka too!) Then again, this fic has been confusing me because I honestly can't decide if I want it to be a YukixShu or HiroxShu fic. WAH~! So hard…
Telling you now, this could be as long as 'Aching Desire'. ^^;;; I hope not to make it that long. ^^;;; I might scare you guys if I made it too long, ne?
But as you know, I hate rushing and giving a sucky ending. ;_; Then the fic goes to waste. I don't want that to happen.
Please be patient with me!
And thanks Emily-chan. I didn't forget this fic. I was just stuck. ^^;;;
Wrapped around your finger
By miyamoto yui
//"I wish I knew why she acts this way
We're like puppets in a play…
While I must act a happy fool.
Though I smile, it hurts inside
Even puppets have some pride."//
Chapter 7 - Ochita okurimono. (The falling present.)
Shuichi had been busy, but was he avoiding him? Why?
Was it because of the book?
He didn't mean it. He honestly threw it poorly, but would Shuichi really believe that?
Just the night before, he had refused to sleep with Shuichi because he was too tired and Shuichi was crying thinking that he was tired of him…
"I wonder why he won't answer the phone?" he tried again that late night as he turned off the television.
But even that wouldn't stop the images of Shuichi within his mind. He knew the entire video because he kept on repeating it, almost cursing himself as if he were his lover looking through his Nittle Grasper collection.
Sakuma Ryuichi.
Why did that name always give him such problems with Shuichi? Not to mention a little jealous at such a trifle matter. No matter what it was, it seemed that he couldn't get to Shuichi whenever it came to Ryuichi. This idol of Japan was an unattainable to Shuichi as his brother longed for the same person.
Strangely, his mixed feelings made him think of his brother Tatsuha. That boy would stop at nothing whenever it came to Ryuichi. Whether it was just an advertisement for Ryuichi on a music show or other, Tatsuha was sure to have it.
He would stop at nothing. It was his life goal to meet Sakuma Ryuichi…
…and yet, with all his strength, he didn't allow himself to.
Afraid of rejection by the object of utter affection and undying desire.
Now, Yuki, who had been overconfident until today, saw how close he was feeling like his brother while staring at a changed Shuichi.
Was Shuichi _really_ trying to avoid him? Why?
Was he still mad at the book?
By now, Yuki knew that this type of thing would upset Shuichi because Shuichi would always blame himself whenever Yuki had a problem and became quiet and irritable.
He just couldn't find himself saying "I'm sorry" to Shuichi. Though he had admitted that he had loved the pink genki ball, he still hadn't gotten to the level of apologizing for his wrong doings. Yuki was just stubborn that way, and they both knew that. He tried to be better about it, but it was not happening any time soon.
Like the wound incurred by that bastard Kitagawa, this trait would still belong to Yuki like a birthmark no matter how he tried to take it out.
At least now, Yuki was feeling guilty.
Shuichi still wouldn't answer the phone. Instead, he finally left a message. "Shuichi. Why won't you answer the phone? I'm finally back in town until I go up north for the second half of the tour. Please call me."
Yuki's tone throughout the message was cruel. He was concerned, but anyone who didn't know him too well wouldn't have known that.
Would Shuichi be able to read through it if he looked so upset in the video?
Caught between wanting to visit Shuichi and staying in his hotel room, Yuki couldn't let his pride go.
Yet, he could not stop persisting on calling Shuichi. For Shuichi, of all people, felt that showing your love was more than anything. That's what he always wanted and though it was tiring, Yuki had learned to be more expressive about his feelings.
Especially when Yuki had bit his ear and Shuichi turned red with a cat-like grin and purred into Yuki's ear saying, "Ne, Yuki?"
"Nani?" he said as he took out a cigarette from his pocket and began to light it as he sat on the couch, but decided against it. Shuichi leaned his hand on Yuki's chest while sitting on his lap. He then looked at the cigarette held in mid-air right in front of him with a skeptical look on his face.
"You should stop smoking," he said with a concerned face and in a slightly annoyed tone.
Yuki said nothing while keeping his cigarette unlit.
"You'll watch the music video with me right?" Shuichi had asked while making a circling motion with his finger over Yuki's heart. "We'll watch it together since your book tour will be coming through here for a day or two."
Yuki nodded his head. With a big kiss on his lips, Shuichi laughed and smiled as he said, "You promised Yuki!"
At that moment, Yuki had looked into his lover's eyes wondering why in the world did he fall in love with someone so energetic.
He looked at his cigarette and at the impatient Shuichi who had made it a campaign to make Yuki stop smoking by offering himself as the next addiction. Not that it was a bad collateral, mind you…
Yuki placed the unlit cigarette back into his packet and let Shuichi drag him into the bedroom while tugging on his sleeve.
Ring, ring.
He got up and began to call again.
It wasn't like Shuichi to forget being together. Not even for a second.
A deep pain began to inflict his chest as he stared at the phone.
After the sixth time, he gave up and left a message again. "Shuichi, where are you?"
Short and to the point with as much concern as he could possibly give.
Somehow though, it never really reached Shuichi…
No matter what he did…
And he was falling into his own demise.
He put down the phone and walked over to the balcony. Taking out a cigarette from his pocket, his open white shirt somewhat swayed in the wind as he crossed his arms over the railing.
His moods may not have swung as much as Shuichi, but if only Shuichi would see how crazy he drove him without even saying a word.
While Yuki was thinking about Shuichi, Ryuichi walked into Nittle Grasper Records. He had been given a key and code by Touma so he had no problem getting in and went into one of the many recording booths.
He placed a cassette into the main player and sat down on the ground while leaning on one wall with his eyes up at the ceiling.
He certainly didn't want anyone seeing him right now. No, he wanted to be completely alone. It was something as familiar as the darkness to him.
It hurt, but he had no choice.
Being genki was a part of him that he couldn't control. It was the façade that was a part of him and yet not so. It was natural and yet it was not all of him.
He didn't want to worry anyone.
Only Touma knew the truth.
It was surreal to him. For he could hear his own voice, but he couldn't really recognize it. Even the super energetic beat would lead someone astray if they didn't pay attention.
Ryuichi let himself become consumed by his own music. It was something he had done to shut out his heart from his whole body.
"You call my name
I'm sure it's a lie…
You call my name, I stare at you.
You think I'm as perfect as can be.
The cute puppet face that I put on everyday
You call my name
But I told you a lie.
You call my name, You call my name.
I break your heart with all I have to sing
I'm smiling right in front of you
But that's just a face I put on.
We make dreams to mask the true fears
we keep inside, a strength untrue,
I say 'I'm okay', but that means it's 'no.'
I can't even understand myself.
You call my name, I stare at you.
You think I'm as perfect as can be.
The cute puppet face that I put on everyday
You call my name
But I told you a lie.
Inside of you…
Though I walk in darkness, blinded along the way
I'll grope for anything to hold onto
I don't want to be given anything
I want this the hard way.
Many try to get near me, I push them away easily
They all want one thing
And it isn't even you.
You call my name You call my name
You think I'm as perfect as can be.
The cute puppet face that I put on everyday
You call my name
But I told you a lie.
Inside of me…
We make dreams to mask the true fears
we keep inside, a strength untrue
I say 'I'm okay', but that means it's 'no.'
I can't even understand myself.
You call my name You call my name
You think I'm as perfect as can be.
The cute puppet face that I put on everyday
You call my name
But I told you a lie.
You call my name, You call my name
I break your heart with all I have to say
I'm smiling right in front of you
But that's just a face I put on.
Inside of me… We make dreams
Inside of you… to mask the true fears
Inside of me… we keep inside
We make dreams
To mask the true fears
We keep inside."
As the song faded and Ryuichi found himself in a trance, unable to move, but bury his head between his arms in defeat.
There was a knocking on Yuki's hotel door. His heart was feeling uneasy as he turned the knob of the door of his hotel room. He found himself staring at a beautiful geisha before him in deep, deep red.
It was as if Shuichi had just stepped out of the music video on the television.
"Shuichi…" he mumbled as Shuichi's eyebrows almost touched one another in frustration and loss.
Without another word, Yuki let him inside and went into the kitchen to prepare a coffee. But Shuichi sat on the counter with an agenda of his own. Seductively, he crossed his legs and looked at Yuki with a face that wouldn't be anything but honest.
As Yuki turned the coffee pot on and filled it, he went in front of Shuichi and held his waist. Looking up to Shuichi, he blinked his eyes. Shuichi ran his fingers through Yuki's hair. Then, he stopped as he placed his arms over Yuki's shoulders and whispered into his ear, "Where have you been?"
His tears began to well up.
Yuki answered with a confused, "On the book fair. Where else, baka?"
"You were so far away from me…" Shuichi whispered into his ear. "So far away…"
Shuichi caressed Yuki's cheeks as he closed his eyes to kiss his lips. His legs began to unwind and wrap around one of Yuki's as he felt Yuki become hotter with his touch. Yuki began to undo Shuichi's obi unable to contain himself.
At this, Yuki's heart finally fell.
Shuichi's desparate touch felt so cold towards him despite his warm gestures.
They had switched places now…
Shuichi was not a child anymore…
He was acting like he knew something about the forbidden fruit of knowledge…
Yuki knew Shuichi was slipping away…
…or worse yet, Shuichi wasn't his anymore…
tsuzuku…/to be continued…
--
Author's note: Kind of a weird and short chapter, but too many perspectives. I have to keep things in order.
Sorry about the month hiatus. It wasn't by choice, I assure you. I was doing all my homework a month in advance so that I could do all the other stuff I always wanted to do before graduation, like going to Koreatown! (And that means I'll have to go get my May Asuka too!) Then again, this fic has been confusing me because I honestly can't decide if I want it to be a YukixShu or HiroxShu fic. WAH~! So hard…
Telling you now, this could be as long as 'Aching Desire'. ^^;;; I hope not to make it that long. ^^;;; I might scare you guys if I made it too long, ne?
But as you know, I hate rushing and giving a sucky ending. ;_; Then the fic goes to waste. I don't want that to happen.
Please be patient with me!
And thanks Emily-chan. I didn't forget this fic. I was just stuck. ^^;;;