Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi. Hikari is Utada's, but the song lyrics inside the fic are mine.
Wrapped around your finger
By miyamoto yui
/Ashita no koto
terebi keshite
watashi no koto dake wo
mite ite yo/
Chapter 8 – Looking me looking at you.
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock, knock, knock.
I just sat there on the ground sighing as I looked up to find that the pounding in my head was becoming in sync to the knocking of the studio door. As I got up hesitantly, I glanced at my watch to find that it was almost 11:30 at night.
"Who would be here? The janitor?" I asked myself with a skeptical look on my face as I opened the door to find someone blinking back at me. "Wouldn't he have the key…?"
The boy blinked at me some more and lifted up his hand. With a confused face, he said, "I was sent here by Touma-san to talk to someone."
The eyes of the boy's looked at me from head to foot and he smiled with uncertainty, "And I think that's you."
"Excuse me?" My eyebrows lifted themselves immediately as I kept the entrance blocked, as if I didn't want him to come in.
In a way, maybe I didn't.
Leave it to Touma though to give me a boy in the middle of the night.
He must be really sick…
Then again, I shouldn't question that since he had this weird tendency to make love on his office table before a meeting would begin…
"Come in?" I shook my head as I just let the boy come in while getting out of his way.
He just sat on the couch to one side as I sat opposite of him.
For some reason, he reminded me of someone…
"Have we met before?" I blurted out before I could take back my words.
The boy just shook his head. "Of course you wouldn't remember me, wouldn't you?"
At that moment, he said, "Sakuma-san, I'm not feeling too well…"
I stared back at him.
* blink, blink *
"Figures," he said with a sigh. Then, he shrugged his shoulders.
He reached out his hand, patted my shoulder, and immediately took it away while glancing at it for a split-second. Then, he stared at me seriously. "Sakuma-san, I'm not here because I'm your fan, but because Touma-san said that someone here needed to clear his mind. I just didn't expect that it would be…you…"
The 'you' was said with a pause.
I just continued to look at him, but I thought he was adorable…
"Why me?" I asked as I pointed him, "And why are _you_ doing this?"
"I'm a monk," he answered me with a deadpan expression to match his voice.
I looked at him and he held onto his clothes to justify himself. "So, I'm not wearing the attire, but I've been trained since I was little to do this. Please don't give me that kind of look."
"Sorry," I apologized as I leaned forward with my hands folded.
"Why _am_ I here for you?" he asked me while his eyes shined back at me with a confused look. "I just came from Kyoto because a friend asked me to."
He continued, "You really don't know who I am, do you?"
Shaking my head, I felt bad for the boy and mad at myself for forgetting.
"My name is Uesugi Tatsuha." He smiled at me with his eyes half-closed. Then he bowed his head while avoiding my gaze. "I was the one who told you years ago that I was one of your biggest fans. You mistook me for Shuichi, my brother's lover."
It was then that I remembered, "And I spent the day with you at the zoo!"
At that moment, he calmly smiled and shook his head. "Yes, that was me."
From the looks of it he looked kind of worn out. After all, I'd only seen him two years ago.
It was my turn to put my head down while he lifted his head to look at me. "I'm sorry. I forgot…"
That's how things went for me.
Trying so hard to live day by day…
My loneliness was eating me alive and I didn't want to think too much about stuff, let alone for too long. It would really make me go insane inside of myself.
"That's not your fault," he honestly answered as he gave me a stern look. "And what am I here for?"
"I don't need someone to talk to," I said back defensively as his eyes pierced right through me with their clarity.
"It doesn't seem that way if I'm talked into coming all the way here from Kyoto," Tatsuha answered with his arms folded as he leaned back on the couch. "I'm not here to judge you or be your psychiatrist. I'm just here to listen to what you have to say."
I gulped as I got up and found myself walking over to the cassette player.
"I don't mean to go off topic…" I said as I took out the tape inside it and placed a new one into it. "But can I sing to you?"
He coughed all of a sudden as he pounded on his chest. "S-sing? T-to me?"
I nodded my head like a little kid. "Uh-huh."
"Whatever you want, Sakuma-san…" he mumbled as he sat there waiting for me to sing.
I pressed play as another song played on the sound system. It was the one to complement Shuichi's new single because we were going to each release a single…
I lifted up my hand and then I brought it down as I grabbed a pen as carefully as if I had been using a real mic. I then sang,
"[whisper]
The sound you are hearing
Is the pulse of my heart
Broken beyond recognition.
[sing]
I keep on waiting for you to come to me
In the middle of the night, I wander
Like a vampire looking for his prey
I need blood to keep me alive
(Because I love you)
We become entangled in our own demise
It becomes something convoluted
I want to make love to you
But you belong to someone else.
I just can't stop this feeling deep inside
You're driving me insane
I want to kiss you so hard
Until you cannot breathe.
'Til you can't see anything else
(I'll take your eyes.)
'Til you see only me
(I'll poison your mind.)
My heart is crumbling
(Can't take it anymore)
A dangerous obsession that can't be seen.
[whisper]
If you knew what my love truly was
I'd take your lips and you wouldn't talk
I'd be so close to you
You'd feel the beating of my broken heart
[sing]
But that can never be
The distance is too great
I'll never reach you.
'Til you can't see anything else
(If I kept wandering.)
'Til you see only me
(If I kept singing.)
My heart is crumbling
(You'll forget about me.)
I'm finding myself in the same vicious cycle.
'Til you can't see anything else
(You're tearing me apart.)
'Til you see only me
(How can you make me live with you?)
My heart is crumbling
(How can you make me live without you?)
Why do I want to love you badly when it's useless?
[instrumental]
And like a fool, I'll go
Searching endlessly
For you…
…even if you're just right there.
Who are you?
'Til you can't see anything else
(I'll take your eyes.)
'Til you see only me
(I'll poison your mind.)
My heart is crumbling
(Can't take it anymore)
A dangerous obsession that can't be seen.
'Til you can't see anything else
(If I kept wandering.)
'Til you see only me
(If I kept singing.)
My heart is crumbling
(You'll forget about me.)
I'm finding myself in the same vicious cycle.
'Til you can't see anything else
(You're tearing me apart.)
'Til you see only me
(How can you make me live with you?)
My heart is crumbling
(How can you make me live without you?)
Why do I want to love you badly when it's useless?
'Til you can't see anything else
'Til you see only me
My heart is crumbling
'Til you can't see anything else
'Til you see only me
My heart is crumbling
Just one more night."
As I looked at him, I felt like a burden had temporarily left me while I had been possessed a demon by the song. But, it was my own song with my own polluted mind...
But when I opened my eyes to find Tatsuha there with his mouth half open, I wondered if I was always too honest for my own good. My words always cut me and I felt I smeared blood all over the music sheets whenever I wrote lyrics.
Touma used to think so also, along with Nuriko.
People thought it was cool.
I was just telling the simple truth.
"Thank you…" Tatsuha finally mumbled out as he gave me a contemplative look. Without hesitation, he asked, "…but who were you really singing to, Sakuma-san?"
"I…" I caught myself looking at him intensely, having realized what I had done.
Shuichi…
I was thinking of Shuichi…
Damn it all…
"To someone who belongs to someone else," I found myself saying to Tatsuha as he waited for me to answer.
He smiled with melancholy as he answered, "Ah."
In a shy voice, with a whisper as if to himself, he asked, "Isn't that how it always is?"
His eyes found themselves on mine again as he tilted his head. "Whether it's another person or something someone else loves extremely…there's always some kind of competition. You just can win when it comes to life or love."
"Why do you say that?" I asked him as I let the demo tape continue to play while coming over to sit across him.
"The fact that I can sit here listening to you, keep my calm, and not show any emotion when you say you want to sing for me, but it's for someone else." He then got up and looked away. "I'm sorry for being rude."
Then he shook his head. "Maybe you're not the one who needs advice…"
Bowing his head, he turned around to leave, but I caught his hand.
"Sakuma-san?" His eyebrows touched one another while he looked back at me.
I didn't understand it myself when I just reached out to him. Even if it was my selfishness for not wanting to be alone.
Especially not today. Not after singing that song.
"Why do you listen to my music?" I asked him as I stood up to look at him. Letting go of his hand, I pulled on his collar. "Why do people listen to my music?"
"Because it's real," he told me.
Without fear and much confidence, he looked at me without blinking. He was that sure of this answer.
"I'm just an actor. I play a part when I'm on stage," I said to him. "I sing because I love it, but don't people get tired of angst?"
He shook his head. "It's nice to know someone knows it's there, without overusing it or abusing it."
At that moment, I let go of his collar.
"How old are you, Tatsuha-kun?" I suddenly inquired as I found myself unable to look away from his beautiful eyes.
"How old do you think I am?" he asked as his eyes became half open and he leaned forward to kiss me on the lips.
My head lightly tapped on the glass window behind me as I found myself returning his warm kiss.
"Do you belong to anyone, Tatsuha-kun?" I asked breathlessly whispered to his ear.
"That would depend on you," he answered me back with those determined eyes.
Tsuzuku… / To be continued…
--
author's note: Well, here's the next part for you, Winnie. Things seem to be going a bit too fast, but hey, I need to pick up the pace anyway…and why not with one of my favorite couples?
I am sorry for the overuse of songs, but I cannot help it. My life is surrounded by music and it's a way of life for me even though I'm not that good with it. I believe poetry/song lyric writing helps me a lot to say what I need to.
I've fallen in love with Predilection all over again…
Translation:
/Ashita no koto
terebi keshite
watashi no koto dake wo
mite ite yo/
/Of tomorrow's things
Turn off the tv and
[Try] looking only at me!/
Wrapped around your finger
By miyamoto yui
/Ashita no koto
terebi keshite
watashi no koto dake wo
mite ite yo/
Chapter 8 – Looking me looking at you.
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock, knock, knock.
I just sat there on the ground sighing as I looked up to find that the pounding in my head was becoming in sync to the knocking of the studio door. As I got up hesitantly, I glanced at my watch to find that it was almost 11:30 at night.
"Who would be here? The janitor?" I asked myself with a skeptical look on my face as I opened the door to find someone blinking back at me. "Wouldn't he have the key…?"
The boy blinked at me some more and lifted up his hand. With a confused face, he said, "I was sent here by Touma-san to talk to someone."
The eyes of the boy's looked at me from head to foot and he smiled with uncertainty, "And I think that's you."
"Excuse me?" My eyebrows lifted themselves immediately as I kept the entrance blocked, as if I didn't want him to come in.
In a way, maybe I didn't.
Leave it to Touma though to give me a boy in the middle of the night.
He must be really sick…
Then again, I shouldn't question that since he had this weird tendency to make love on his office table before a meeting would begin…
"Come in?" I shook my head as I just let the boy come in while getting out of his way.
He just sat on the couch to one side as I sat opposite of him.
For some reason, he reminded me of someone…
"Have we met before?" I blurted out before I could take back my words.
The boy just shook his head. "Of course you wouldn't remember me, wouldn't you?"
At that moment, he said, "Sakuma-san, I'm not feeling too well…"
I stared back at him.
* blink, blink *
"Figures," he said with a sigh. Then, he shrugged his shoulders.
He reached out his hand, patted my shoulder, and immediately took it away while glancing at it for a split-second. Then, he stared at me seriously. "Sakuma-san, I'm not here because I'm your fan, but because Touma-san said that someone here needed to clear his mind. I just didn't expect that it would be…you…"
The 'you' was said with a pause.
I just continued to look at him, but I thought he was adorable…
"Why me?" I asked as I pointed him, "And why are _you_ doing this?"
"I'm a monk," he answered me with a deadpan expression to match his voice.
I looked at him and he held onto his clothes to justify himself. "So, I'm not wearing the attire, but I've been trained since I was little to do this. Please don't give me that kind of look."
"Sorry," I apologized as I leaned forward with my hands folded.
"Why _am_ I here for you?" he asked me while his eyes shined back at me with a confused look. "I just came from Kyoto because a friend asked me to."
He continued, "You really don't know who I am, do you?"
Shaking my head, I felt bad for the boy and mad at myself for forgetting.
"My name is Uesugi Tatsuha." He smiled at me with his eyes half-closed. Then he bowed his head while avoiding my gaze. "I was the one who told you years ago that I was one of your biggest fans. You mistook me for Shuichi, my brother's lover."
It was then that I remembered, "And I spent the day with you at the zoo!"
At that moment, he calmly smiled and shook his head. "Yes, that was me."
From the looks of it he looked kind of worn out. After all, I'd only seen him two years ago.
It was my turn to put my head down while he lifted his head to look at me. "I'm sorry. I forgot…"
That's how things went for me.
Trying so hard to live day by day…
My loneliness was eating me alive and I didn't want to think too much about stuff, let alone for too long. It would really make me go insane inside of myself.
"That's not your fault," he honestly answered as he gave me a stern look. "And what am I here for?"
"I don't need someone to talk to," I said back defensively as his eyes pierced right through me with their clarity.
"It doesn't seem that way if I'm talked into coming all the way here from Kyoto," Tatsuha answered with his arms folded as he leaned back on the couch. "I'm not here to judge you or be your psychiatrist. I'm just here to listen to what you have to say."
I gulped as I got up and found myself walking over to the cassette player.
"I don't mean to go off topic…" I said as I took out the tape inside it and placed a new one into it. "But can I sing to you?"
He coughed all of a sudden as he pounded on his chest. "S-sing? T-to me?"
I nodded my head like a little kid. "Uh-huh."
"Whatever you want, Sakuma-san…" he mumbled as he sat there waiting for me to sing.
I pressed play as another song played on the sound system. It was the one to complement Shuichi's new single because we were going to each release a single…
I lifted up my hand and then I brought it down as I grabbed a pen as carefully as if I had been using a real mic. I then sang,
"[whisper]
The sound you are hearing
Is the pulse of my heart
Broken beyond recognition.
[sing]
I keep on waiting for you to come to me
In the middle of the night, I wander
Like a vampire looking for his prey
I need blood to keep me alive
(Because I love you)
We become entangled in our own demise
It becomes something convoluted
I want to make love to you
But you belong to someone else.
I just can't stop this feeling deep inside
You're driving me insane
I want to kiss you so hard
Until you cannot breathe.
'Til you can't see anything else
(I'll take your eyes.)
'Til you see only me
(I'll poison your mind.)
My heart is crumbling
(Can't take it anymore)
A dangerous obsession that can't be seen.
[whisper]
If you knew what my love truly was
I'd take your lips and you wouldn't talk
I'd be so close to you
You'd feel the beating of my broken heart
[sing]
But that can never be
The distance is too great
I'll never reach you.
'Til you can't see anything else
(If I kept wandering.)
'Til you see only me
(If I kept singing.)
My heart is crumbling
(You'll forget about me.)
I'm finding myself in the same vicious cycle.
'Til you can't see anything else
(You're tearing me apart.)
'Til you see only me
(How can you make me live with you?)
My heart is crumbling
(How can you make me live without you?)
Why do I want to love you badly when it's useless?
[instrumental]
And like a fool, I'll go
Searching endlessly
For you…
…even if you're just right there.
Who are you?
'Til you can't see anything else
(I'll take your eyes.)
'Til you see only me
(I'll poison your mind.)
My heart is crumbling
(Can't take it anymore)
A dangerous obsession that can't be seen.
'Til you can't see anything else
(If I kept wandering.)
'Til you see only me
(If I kept singing.)
My heart is crumbling
(You'll forget about me.)
I'm finding myself in the same vicious cycle.
'Til you can't see anything else
(You're tearing me apart.)
'Til you see only me
(How can you make me live with you?)
My heart is crumbling
(How can you make me live without you?)
Why do I want to love you badly when it's useless?
'Til you can't see anything else
'Til you see only me
My heart is crumbling
'Til you can't see anything else
'Til you see only me
My heart is crumbling
Just one more night."
As I looked at him, I felt like a burden had temporarily left me while I had been possessed a demon by the song. But, it was my own song with my own polluted mind...
But when I opened my eyes to find Tatsuha there with his mouth half open, I wondered if I was always too honest for my own good. My words always cut me and I felt I smeared blood all over the music sheets whenever I wrote lyrics.
Touma used to think so also, along with Nuriko.
People thought it was cool.
I was just telling the simple truth.
"Thank you…" Tatsuha finally mumbled out as he gave me a contemplative look. Without hesitation, he asked, "…but who were you really singing to, Sakuma-san?"
"I…" I caught myself looking at him intensely, having realized what I had done.
Shuichi…
I was thinking of Shuichi…
Damn it all…
"To someone who belongs to someone else," I found myself saying to Tatsuha as he waited for me to answer.
He smiled with melancholy as he answered, "Ah."
In a shy voice, with a whisper as if to himself, he asked, "Isn't that how it always is?"
His eyes found themselves on mine again as he tilted his head. "Whether it's another person or something someone else loves extremely…there's always some kind of competition. You just can win when it comes to life or love."
"Why do you say that?" I asked him as I let the demo tape continue to play while coming over to sit across him.
"The fact that I can sit here listening to you, keep my calm, and not show any emotion when you say you want to sing for me, but it's for someone else." He then got up and looked away. "I'm sorry for being rude."
Then he shook his head. "Maybe you're not the one who needs advice…"
Bowing his head, he turned around to leave, but I caught his hand.
"Sakuma-san?" His eyebrows touched one another while he looked back at me.
I didn't understand it myself when I just reached out to him. Even if it was my selfishness for not wanting to be alone.
Especially not today. Not after singing that song.
"Why do you listen to my music?" I asked him as I stood up to look at him. Letting go of his hand, I pulled on his collar. "Why do people listen to my music?"
"Because it's real," he told me.
Without fear and much confidence, he looked at me without blinking. He was that sure of this answer.
"I'm just an actor. I play a part when I'm on stage," I said to him. "I sing because I love it, but don't people get tired of angst?"
He shook his head. "It's nice to know someone knows it's there, without overusing it or abusing it."
At that moment, I let go of his collar.
"How old are you, Tatsuha-kun?" I suddenly inquired as I found myself unable to look away from his beautiful eyes.
"How old do you think I am?" he asked as his eyes became half open and he leaned forward to kiss me on the lips.
My head lightly tapped on the glass window behind me as I found myself returning his warm kiss.
"Do you belong to anyone, Tatsuha-kun?" I asked breathlessly whispered to his ear.
"That would depend on you," he answered me back with those determined eyes.
Tsuzuku… / To be continued…
--
author's note: Well, here's the next part for you, Winnie. Things seem to be going a bit too fast, but hey, I need to pick up the pace anyway…and why not with one of my favorite couples?
I am sorry for the overuse of songs, but I cannot help it. My life is surrounded by music and it's a way of life for me even though I'm not that good with it. I believe poetry/song lyric writing helps me a lot to say what I need to.
I've fallen in love with Predilection all over again…
Translation:
/Ashita no koto
terebi keshite
watashi no koto dake wo
mite ite yo/
/Of tomorrow's things
Turn off the tv and
[Try] looking only at me!/