Baby Got Brains
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter people and places belong to JK Rowling and other companies. This is a song parody of "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot.
Setting: The Hogwarts Library. Students are quietly studying or chatting. Hermione, sitting with Harry and Ron, is buried in a textbook.
Pansy (speaking): Oh, my, god. Millicent, look at Granger. She's studying. *scoff* She looks like, one of those Ravenclaw girlfriends. But, y'know, who understands those Ravenclaws? *scoff* They only talk to her, because, she thinks like a total Encyclopedia, 'kay? I mean, her brain, is just so big. *scoff* I can't believe she's such a know-it-all, it's like, annoying, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ... brainy!
Ron (singing/rapping): I like big brains and I can not lie
You other fellas can't deny
That when a girl walks in with her towering class notes
With the sources to her quotes
You go 'what?!', you can't even see
'Cause that stack is taller than me
Deep in the notes she's starting
I'm stunned and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna sit wit'cha
And see what's with ya
My brothers tried to warn me
But with those brains you got
Harry (coughing): Makes me so horny
Ron: Ooh, Queen Study Room
Want me to take you on my broom?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you don't get all giggly
I've seen them laughin'
The hell with romancin'
She's nuts, nuts,
But she's always saving our butts
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' airheads are the thing
Take the average wizard and ask him that
She gotta have a brain
So, fellas!
Hogwarts' male students except Ron: Yeah!
Ron: Fellas!
Hogwarts' male students except Ron: Yeah!
Ron: Has your girlfriend got her brain?
Hogwarts' male students except Ron: Hell yeah!
Ron: Tell 'em to use it!
Hogwarts' male students except Ron: Use it!
Ron: Use it!
Hogwarts' male students except Ron: Use it!
Ron: Use that crafty brain!
Baby got brains!
Baby got brains!
I like 'em proud, and tough
And can take more than enough
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
You want me to study
But ugh, now come on, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' "Witch Weekly"
Because those girls make me uneasy
I want 'em real smart and brainy
Find answers to our trouble
Oh, Ronald's in trouble
Now that Krum has just burst my bubble
I'm listenin' to the Wireless
And hearin' these women make no sense
You can have them scarlets
I won't mess with all those coquettes
A word to the thick book witches, I wanna get with ya
But I may bicker with ya
And I gotta be straight, we'll running from danger
Til the break of dawn
Harry got lots goin' on
A lot of wimps won't like this song
'Cause them girls like to flirt and then quit it
And you'll have to stay and play
It'll be long, but I'm strong
But I am down with what's goin' on
So, ladies!
Hogwarts' female students except Hermione and Pansy: Yeah!
Ron: Ladies!
Hogwarts' female students except Hermione and Pansy: Yeah!
Ron: If you wanna drive in my flying Ford
Hogwarts' female students except Hermione and Pansy: Yeah!
Ron: Then know it all! Let it out!
Even Malfoy's got to shout
Baby got brains!
Baby got brains!
Ron (speaking): Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, "Witch Weekly" ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. Scarlet woman? Ha ha, only when she misses a bonus problem.
Ron (singing/rapping): So your girlfriend's rolls are covered, doin' extra credit course work
But if you try to copy off her, she'll call you a big jerk
But the big Order don't want none
Unless you've got brains, hon
You can read girl junk on the train,
But please don't lose that brain
Some ladies wanna play that "ditz" role
And tell you that the brains ain't go
So they toss them and lose them
But she showed all that she still had them
So "Weekly" says you're nuts
Well, shove it up their butts!
Your book stack is tall and your brain is tickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout gettin'
Sick on mindless dames in the magazines
they just aren't my thing!
Just ask my sister, I can't resist her
Old Shakespeare sure didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause this girl is on my list
He had no class, he chose to tease 'er
And I pulled up quick to defend 'er
So ladies, if your brain is full,
Think your shot at a boyfriend is null,
Then come on down to Gryffindor Tower
And see who's in power
Baby got brains!
A little bit mental but she got those brains
A little bit mental but she got those brains
A little bit mental but she got those brains
A little bit mental but she got those brains
(Music ends. Hermione slams her book shut in irritation.)
Hermione (shouting): RON! Some people are trying to study here!