Love Triumphant
Confessions of the Heart
Chapter XXIX
Cole awakened and moved to draw his wife near. His heart knew a moment's panic when his hands came up with nothing but bedspread. It only started beating again when he heard the sound of CD cases being rattled together.
"What are doing way over there when our bed is over here with me in it?" he asked pouting. Phoebe tossed her bag on the floor; CD's included and made a beeline for the bed. She bounced on it for a minute and then settled down next to him. "Sorry, I thought you were sleeping sweetie, and I didn't want to wake you. I was just looking for my Celine Dionne, "All the Way," CD. You know one the ones that Evander left for me in our room at the Mansion when we first arrived? I thought sure I would have tossed it in here with the rest of them."
"I'm sorry baby, I haven't seen it." "That's okay it's not my favorite anymore anyway," Phoebe said with a shrug. Cole put a finger on his chin and said, "Let me guess your current favorite is your new Leanne Rimes one? Am I right?" "Yeah, how did you know?" "Wild guess, besides it's my favorite too. We'd better buy several copies if we don't want to wear our song out. Plus now that we are both going to be gainfully employed we will actually be able to afford them on our own," he said with a big grin.
"I've got an even better idea. You could always serenade me with our song," Phoebe suggested. "Oh yeah!" Cole replied nearly choking on his laughter. "I think Kit would sound better with her tail caught in the door." "Poor kitty. You and Leo really have to learn to be nicer to him," Phoebe scolded.
"Nicer to her? You have to be kidding right? That cat hates Leo and I. At first when everyone including me thought I was Belthazor it made sense for the little nuisance not to like me. I figured it sensed evil. Yet then when I saw how it acted toward Leo, I began to wonder. I've now basically come to the conclusion that the little fur ball hates men in general. Did you ever think it might really be a man imprisoned in a cat's body?" Maybe he is jealous because Leo and I got you girls or maybe it is a woman who was scorned by her lover in a previous life. It would explain Kit's issues with the opposite sex."
"Hmm, that reminds me. Do you think Prue will still be mad at me when we get back?" Phoebe asked. Cole chuckled, "Remember you made the comparison between Prue and Kit not I. I also don't think Prue is really mad at you to begin with," Cole reassured his wife. I think it is like you said the other night. She is really having trouble accepting that you and Piper have learned to fly on your own and with the fact that she doesn't have to play mamma hen anymore.
Prue is completely free to explore her own options in life now and although she'd never admit it, I think that kind of scares her. I know from personal experience how frightening that can seem. Then there was Andy's rejection and you know that had to hurt. Plus you also hit the nail on the head when you said that despite her protests to the contrary she really hasn't made her full peace with her past issues of abandonment. I have a feeling she will. It is going to take time that's all," Cole finished.
"Not to mention a lot of understanding," Phoebe commented. "Don't forget love," Cole added. "I could never forget that," she promised him. She snuggled even closer to and began running her fingers through his chest hairs. Cole let out a contented sigh as he stroked her hair gently and kissed her forehead. He really loved being a married man.
"Speaking of reminders all the earlier talk of CD's made me remember that I wanted to give you something," Cole said. He climbed out of bed and went over to his luggage. He could feel Phoebe's appreciative glance on him and it made him feel like the most admired man in the universe. He pulled a beautifully wrapped package out of one of his bags and brought it back to bed with him to give to Phoebe.
"What is this for?" she asked. "I'm not exactly an expert on wedding etiquette but I seem to recall hearing about a tradition in which the groom gives his bride a token of his undying affection." "Oh Cole, that is so sweet, but you didn't need to. You've already given me the gift of your affection, and believe me it was considerably more than a token," she said with a satisfied grin. He ducked his head and said, "why thank you but that's not what I meant."
"I don't believe it," Phoebe squealed. You're blushing aren't you?" Cole didn't answer her question instead he said, "All right already just open your gift before I think you don't want it and that I should take it back." "Uh, Uh, mister! You keep your hands off of my present." She quickly tore off the wrapping.
Cole watched her eyes well up when she saw it was not a CD but a DVD of what had always been her favorite movie, "Kill It Before It Dies." It was technically a horror movie but Phoebe had always said she thought it romantic growing up because she thought its hero Billy was dreamy.
The movie was special to Cole too but for different reasons. It would always remind him of his reappearance in her life after the first time they had been forced to part. He'd managed to let her know he was back by magically appearing at the end of the film one night when she was watching it on video.
Phoebe set the DVD down on the bedside table and threw her arms around his neck and started crying. "Sweetheart what's wrong? Since your video copy was lost with the rest of our stuff I thought that it was the perfect gift. "Oh my God. That is it isn't it? I am such a moron!" Cole cursed himself. "All I wanted was to give you something special and instead I've just managed to remind you about the Manor explosion and all the horror that went with it."
Phoebe leaned back and he could see her expression was extremely troubled. "You are not a moron and I'm not crying because the Manor's gone. Seeing a copy of this movie again, however, made me think of what I was like before we met. My life was basically a complete mess," she said wiping the tears away from her eyes. "I don't believe that," Cole said shaking his head. "You are the one who straightened me out. You are too critical of yourself that's all. We are going to have to work on that."
"No, Cole you don't understand." "Then help me Phoebe, talk to me." "Do I have to?" she asked. " Baby, you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to do with me ever but I think it might help you to talk it out."
He could see the struggle on her face and wished he could simply erase whatever it was that was troubling her but he knew that she needed to be the one to release it. At first he thought she wasn't going to say anything but then it came pouring out in a torrent: "The cinematic future drama that Sam, Paige, and Anton arranged to play in my head, may have been fiction but it contained elements of the truth. You see I wasn't exactly circumspect in my relationships with men before you and I met.
Oh don't get me wrong, I was careful in terms of diseases and pregnancy. I was, however, to use the politest phrase possible, extremely promiscuous. Heck I was even worse in the past life that I witnessed. How could I have ever slept with someone like Anton? A man who was responsible for your murder in that incarnation, the very thought of it makes my skin crawl. Oh Cole, I feel so ashamed.
Cole wrapped both arms around her and held her tightly. "Shh.. honey. Anton seduced you with his powers. He tricked you. We never even got the chance to meet in that life he robbed of us it. You had no way of knowing about me, what we would have been to one another, and you certainly had no way of knowing about Anton murdering me. You weren't responsible in any way. He was. So please, please, stop blaming yourself. As for your recent past you have nothing to be ashamed of either. You are talking to the man who was a vessel for a demonic presence for over thirty years, remember. Yeah okay I was brainwashed but I never once had the force of will to fight to save my own soul until I met you that is"
Phoebe clung to him just as hard and said: "My only defense was that I was searching for someone to end the loneliness and emptiness inside me that never seemed to go away. Do you want to know the saddest thing? I actually managed to convince myself that a one-dimensional fictional character in a C grade movie was the ideal man. Heck, Billy even came out of the film once when Piper, Prue, and I were trying to save innocents from one of your old acquaintances, the Demon of Illusion. I even ended up letting Billy kiss me, how pathetic is that? And now to top it all off, I've wrecked your wonderfully romantic gesture by bawling and babbling on about my pathetic past like an idiot."
"You haven't wrecked anything," Cole said kissing her. "I'm just sorry that something that once made you so happy now makes you so sad. "It's okay," she replied. What upset me is not the movie itself. It was that I actually ever believed I needed it in my reality. That is what makes me sad. "But you want to know what makes me happy? It is having the knowledge that I'll be able to watch and enjoy this film again for what it is and was always meant to be, just a movie. I will never again require it in my life.
"That's good then that at least in some way my gift has made you happier," Cole said. I never want to make you blue, which brings up a larger issue. You don't need to worry about anything in that damned hallucination coming true in terms of you and me. If I ever thought I was in danger of hurting you like that Phoebe, you wouldn't have to kill me. I'd find a way to do it myself. All I've wanted since the day I realized I was in love with you is to be the kind of man that you would wish to have in your life forever. I want to be your Billy."
Phoebe lifted both hands to his cheeks and softly caressed them. "You are my rock when you have to be and yet somehow you manage to be equally as tender when that's what I need from you. You wrote the book on being romantic and funny. That is not even taking into account that when I feel like a rain cloud ready to burst, I picture those wacky adorable expressions you get on your face sometimes and I start beaming like the sun. When I'm ready to throw in the towel because I feel the universe is out to get me, I hear you whispering to keep fighting, that you are always going to be on my side, and I'm suddenly back to feeling more optimistic than Orphan Annie. In my eyes and thoughts, you are the most incredible, dynamic, intelligent, handsome and sexy being in the universe. Sometimes when I look at you, I still can't believe you're my partner, best friend, lover, and husband."
"So listen up good. Mister Turner. If you really want to give me a present you will never let the words, I want to be your Billy leave your mouth again. He's not whom I adore, cherish and love. There is only one man who could possibly fill the roll of my ideal man in reality and that is you, my love, my Cole."
"When he actually recovered enough to speak. Cole said, oh dear Zeus, I think the two of us are flooding Olympus with our tears of joy. Phoebe let forth one of Cole's favorites sounds in the universe at that comment, her laughter. She reached over and grabbed two tissues. She gave him one and began wiping the moisture away from his eyes with the one still in her hand. Taking her lead he did the same for her. The symbolic meaning of the moment didn't escape either of them.
"I will love you for eternity Phoebe Halliwell. "Correction," she replied. "My name is Phoebe Halliwell -Turner buddy and don't you forget it. Cole was flabbergasted. You want to add my last name to yours? What about all the worries you had when I gave you your grandmother's cursed engagement ring. For that matter what about Grams herself. I thought she didn't approve of a woman taking on her husbands last name?"
Phoebe said in a voice that sounded almost like a professor's: "Grams is just going to have get over it and deal with her own issues with the institution of marriage. Adding your name to mine is not a loss of identity. I am simply announcing with a great deal of pride and hubris mind you, that you the most amazing man in the known galaxies and I the most amazing woman in the same, belong together, so everyone else had better keep their distance or eat dirt." Cole clapped. "My you have away of putting things so poetically my dear."
"Thank you kind sir. This is also my wedding gift to you, although I couldn't figure out a way to wrap it. "That's okay because my fingers are going to be too busy unwrapping something else like that robe you are wearing for instance," Cole said. As he began untying it he noticed the change in her mood immediately.
He knew without asking that she was thinking about her past again. He reached up and gently lifted her head so their eyes met. "Thank you for my gift and the promises you've made me so far," Cole said softly. "I also need to ask you to make me a couple more." "If I can you know I will," she answered.
"I want you to promise me that from this day forward you will start listening to your own good advice. You are constantly telling me that I'm not the same person I was before we met, and you need to realize you are not the same woman you were. Not that I'm agreeing mind you that there was anything wrong with you to begin with because I will never believe that. Can you make me that vow? he asked. "Yes," she agreed after a few seconds of pondering.
"Good now here comes the second one and this one is even more important to me. I want you to promise me you will never again feel shame because of the passion and fire that is inside of you. It's a piece of your family heritage and a part of what makes you who you are and that's the most unselfish and loving woman I have ever had the privilege of knowing. The physical longing we feel isn't from sinful lusting. It is born of the purity of our love for one another. It is a beautiful precious bond between us. Tell me you know and accept that in your heart and soul Phoebe? "I so do vow." she answered. "Good. Now let me make love to you and with you because I need you beyond measure."
Cole finished untying her robe and noted with gratefulness how proudly his wife now held her head as the rest of her naked form was revealed to his eyes. "You are so stunning," he whispered as he drew her down on the mattress and laid his body upon hers.
There was no more talking in the grotto that evening. The only sounds that could be heard were the ones of unadulterated bliss made by the newest goddess and god of love as they shared the wonder of who'd they'd become together.
Confessions of the Heart
Chapter XXIX
Cole awakened and moved to draw his wife near. His heart knew a moment's panic when his hands came up with nothing but bedspread. It only started beating again when he heard the sound of CD cases being rattled together.
"What are doing way over there when our bed is over here with me in it?" he asked pouting. Phoebe tossed her bag on the floor; CD's included and made a beeline for the bed. She bounced on it for a minute and then settled down next to him. "Sorry, I thought you were sleeping sweetie, and I didn't want to wake you. I was just looking for my Celine Dionne, "All the Way," CD. You know one the ones that Evander left for me in our room at the Mansion when we first arrived? I thought sure I would have tossed it in here with the rest of them."
"I'm sorry baby, I haven't seen it." "That's okay it's not my favorite anymore anyway," Phoebe said with a shrug. Cole put a finger on his chin and said, "Let me guess your current favorite is your new Leanne Rimes one? Am I right?" "Yeah, how did you know?" "Wild guess, besides it's my favorite too. We'd better buy several copies if we don't want to wear our song out. Plus now that we are both going to be gainfully employed we will actually be able to afford them on our own," he said with a big grin.
"I've got an even better idea. You could always serenade me with our song," Phoebe suggested. "Oh yeah!" Cole replied nearly choking on his laughter. "I think Kit would sound better with her tail caught in the door." "Poor kitty. You and Leo really have to learn to be nicer to him," Phoebe scolded.
"Nicer to her? You have to be kidding right? That cat hates Leo and I. At first when everyone including me thought I was Belthazor it made sense for the little nuisance not to like me. I figured it sensed evil. Yet then when I saw how it acted toward Leo, I began to wonder. I've now basically come to the conclusion that the little fur ball hates men in general. Did you ever think it might really be a man imprisoned in a cat's body?" Maybe he is jealous because Leo and I got you girls or maybe it is a woman who was scorned by her lover in a previous life. It would explain Kit's issues with the opposite sex."
"Hmm, that reminds me. Do you think Prue will still be mad at me when we get back?" Phoebe asked. Cole chuckled, "Remember you made the comparison between Prue and Kit not I. I also don't think Prue is really mad at you to begin with," Cole reassured his wife. I think it is like you said the other night. She is really having trouble accepting that you and Piper have learned to fly on your own and with the fact that she doesn't have to play mamma hen anymore.
Prue is completely free to explore her own options in life now and although she'd never admit it, I think that kind of scares her. I know from personal experience how frightening that can seem. Then there was Andy's rejection and you know that had to hurt. Plus you also hit the nail on the head when you said that despite her protests to the contrary she really hasn't made her full peace with her past issues of abandonment. I have a feeling she will. It is going to take time that's all," Cole finished.
"Not to mention a lot of understanding," Phoebe commented. "Don't forget love," Cole added. "I could never forget that," she promised him. She snuggled even closer to and began running her fingers through his chest hairs. Cole let out a contented sigh as he stroked her hair gently and kissed her forehead. He really loved being a married man.
"Speaking of reminders all the earlier talk of CD's made me remember that I wanted to give you something," Cole said. He climbed out of bed and went over to his luggage. He could feel Phoebe's appreciative glance on him and it made him feel like the most admired man in the universe. He pulled a beautifully wrapped package out of one of his bags and brought it back to bed with him to give to Phoebe.
"What is this for?" she asked. "I'm not exactly an expert on wedding etiquette but I seem to recall hearing about a tradition in which the groom gives his bride a token of his undying affection." "Oh Cole, that is so sweet, but you didn't need to. You've already given me the gift of your affection, and believe me it was considerably more than a token," she said with a satisfied grin. He ducked his head and said, "why thank you but that's not what I meant."
"I don't believe it," Phoebe squealed. You're blushing aren't you?" Cole didn't answer her question instead he said, "All right already just open your gift before I think you don't want it and that I should take it back." "Uh, Uh, mister! You keep your hands off of my present." She quickly tore off the wrapping.
Cole watched her eyes well up when she saw it was not a CD but a DVD of what had always been her favorite movie, "Kill It Before It Dies." It was technically a horror movie but Phoebe had always said she thought it romantic growing up because she thought its hero Billy was dreamy.
The movie was special to Cole too but for different reasons. It would always remind him of his reappearance in her life after the first time they had been forced to part. He'd managed to let her know he was back by magically appearing at the end of the film one night when she was watching it on video.
Phoebe set the DVD down on the bedside table and threw her arms around his neck and started crying. "Sweetheart what's wrong? Since your video copy was lost with the rest of our stuff I thought that it was the perfect gift. "Oh my God. That is it isn't it? I am such a moron!" Cole cursed himself. "All I wanted was to give you something special and instead I've just managed to remind you about the Manor explosion and all the horror that went with it."
Phoebe leaned back and he could see her expression was extremely troubled. "You are not a moron and I'm not crying because the Manor's gone. Seeing a copy of this movie again, however, made me think of what I was like before we met. My life was basically a complete mess," she said wiping the tears away from her eyes. "I don't believe that," Cole said shaking his head. "You are the one who straightened me out. You are too critical of yourself that's all. We are going to have to work on that."
"No, Cole you don't understand." "Then help me Phoebe, talk to me." "Do I have to?" she asked. " Baby, you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to do with me ever but I think it might help you to talk it out."
He could see the struggle on her face and wished he could simply erase whatever it was that was troubling her but he knew that she needed to be the one to release it. At first he thought she wasn't going to say anything but then it came pouring out in a torrent: "The cinematic future drama that Sam, Paige, and Anton arranged to play in my head, may have been fiction but it contained elements of the truth. You see I wasn't exactly circumspect in my relationships with men before you and I met.
Oh don't get me wrong, I was careful in terms of diseases and pregnancy. I was, however, to use the politest phrase possible, extremely promiscuous. Heck I was even worse in the past life that I witnessed. How could I have ever slept with someone like Anton? A man who was responsible for your murder in that incarnation, the very thought of it makes my skin crawl. Oh Cole, I feel so ashamed.
Cole wrapped both arms around her and held her tightly. "Shh.. honey. Anton seduced you with his powers. He tricked you. We never even got the chance to meet in that life he robbed of us it. You had no way of knowing about me, what we would have been to one another, and you certainly had no way of knowing about Anton murdering me. You weren't responsible in any way. He was. So please, please, stop blaming yourself. As for your recent past you have nothing to be ashamed of either. You are talking to the man who was a vessel for a demonic presence for over thirty years, remember. Yeah okay I was brainwashed but I never once had the force of will to fight to save my own soul until I met you that is"
Phoebe clung to him just as hard and said: "My only defense was that I was searching for someone to end the loneliness and emptiness inside me that never seemed to go away. Do you want to know the saddest thing? I actually managed to convince myself that a one-dimensional fictional character in a C grade movie was the ideal man. Heck, Billy even came out of the film once when Piper, Prue, and I were trying to save innocents from one of your old acquaintances, the Demon of Illusion. I even ended up letting Billy kiss me, how pathetic is that? And now to top it all off, I've wrecked your wonderfully romantic gesture by bawling and babbling on about my pathetic past like an idiot."
"You haven't wrecked anything," Cole said kissing her. "I'm just sorry that something that once made you so happy now makes you so sad. "It's okay," she replied. What upset me is not the movie itself. It was that I actually ever believed I needed it in my reality. That is what makes me sad. "But you want to know what makes me happy? It is having the knowledge that I'll be able to watch and enjoy this film again for what it is and was always meant to be, just a movie. I will never again require it in my life.
"That's good then that at least in some way my gift has made you happier," Cole said. I never want to make you blue, which brings up a larger issue. You don't need to worry about anything in that damned hallucination coming true in terms of you and me. If I ever thought I was in danger of hurting you like that Phoebe, you wouldn't have to kill me. I'd find a way to do it myself. All I've wanted since the day I realized I was in love with you is to be the kind of man that you would wish to have in your life forever. I want to be your Billy."
Phoebe lifted both hands to his cheeks and softly caressed them. "You are my rock when you have to be and yet somehow you manage to be equally as tender when that's what I need from you. You wrote the book on being romantic and funny. That is not even taking into account that when I feel like a rain cloud ready to burst, I picture those wacky adorable expressions you get on your face sometimes and I start beaming like the sun. When I'm ready to throw in the towel because I feel the universe is out to get me, I hear you whispering to keep fighting, that you are always going to be on my side, and I'm suddenly back to feeling more optimistic than Orphan Annie. In my eyes and thoughts, you are the most incredible, dynamic, intelligent, handsome and sexy being in the universe. Sometimes when I look at you, I still can't believe you're my partner, best friend, lover, and husband."
"So listen up good. Mister Turner. If you really want to give me a present you will never let the words, I want to be your Billy leave your mouth again. He's not whom I adore, cherish and love. There is only one man who could possibly fill the roll of my ideal man in reality and that is you, my love, my Cole."
"When he actually recovered enough to speak. Cole said, oh dear Zeus, I think the two of us are flooding Olympus with our tears of joy. Phoebe let forth one of Cole's favorites sounds in the universe at that comment, her laughter. She reached over and grabbed two tissues. She gave him one and began wiping the moisture away from his eyes with the one still in her hand. Taking her lead he did the same for her. The symbolic meaning of the moment didn't escape either of them.
"I will love you for eternity Phoebe Halliwell. "Correction," she replied. "My name is Phoebe Halliwell -Turner buddy and don't you forget it. Cole was flabbergasted. You want to add my last name to yours? What about all the worries you had when I gave you your grandmother's cursed engagement ring. For that matter what about Grams herself. I thought she didn't approve of a woman taking on her husbands last name?"
Phoebe said in a voice that sounded almost like a professor's: "Grams is just going to have get over it and deal with her own issues with the institution of marriage. Adding your name to mine is not a loss of identity. I am simply announcing with a great deal of pride and hubris mind you, that you the most amazing man in the known galaxies and I the most amazing woman in the same, belong together, so everyone else had better keep their distance or eat dirt." Cole clapped. "My you have away of putting things so poetically my dear."
"Thank you kind sir. This is also my wedding gift to you, although I couldn't figure out a way to wrap it. "That's okay because my fingers are going to be too busy unwrapping something else like that robe you are wearing for instance," Cole said. As he began untying it he noticed the change in her mood immediately.
He knew without asking that she was thinking about her past again. He reached up and gently lifted her head so their eyes met. "Thank you for my gift and the promises you've made me so far," Cole said softly. "I also need to ask you to make me a couple more." "If I can you know I will," she answered.
"I want you to promise me that from this day forward you will start listening to your own good advice. You are constantly telling me that I'm not the same person I was before we met, and you need to realize you are not the same woman you were. Not that I'm agreeing mind you that there was anything wrong with you to begin with because I will never believe that. Can you make me that vow? he asked. "Yes," she agreed after a few seconds of pondering.
"Good now here comes the second one and this one is even more important to me. I want you to promise me you will never again feel shame because of the passion and fire that is inside of you. It's a piece of your family heritage and a part of what makes you who you are and that's the most unselfish and loving woman I have ever had the privilege of knowing. The physical longing we feel isn't from sinful lusting. It is born of the purity of our love for one another. It is a beautiful precious bond between us. Tell me you know and accept that in your heart and soul Phoebe? "I so do vow." she answered. "Good. Now let me make love to you and with you because I need you beyond measure."
Cole finished untying her robe and noted with gratefulness how proudly his wife now held her head as the rest of her naked form was revealed to his eyes. "You are so stunning," he whispered as he drew her down on the mattress and laid his body upon hers.
There was no more talking in the grotto that evening. The only sounds that could be heard were the ones of unadulterated bliss made by the newest goddess and god of love as they shared the wonder of who'd they'd become together.