Author's Intro: Well, I've got a few reviews on the first few chapters and of course I like to offer feedback on the feedback.
Dogbert Carroll:
Not a great epic, but for a fic it's not half bad. I enjoyed reading it and will read every chapter you post.rnBTW Hey, I've thoroughly memorized all your faults, I'm just having trouble with your better traits, that's all. rnGreat line.
Response: Well, by epic I meant in the scope, the ambition I have for the idea, I'm very creatively ambitious, but when it comes to most other things, like my grades, I'm not. Also, I'm glad I've written such a memorable line, it just sort of came to my head as I was typing, because as I said I hadn't hand-written that part like the other things. But I did think at the time that it was a very appropriate line to give Ranma.
Jazzy:
but ranma has to stay really masculine! or is he going as a girl? oh well, update soon! please!
Response: Don't worry about updates, in entries three and four I mentioned that I planned on a quota of two chapters per day, or at least until I get past the stuff I've already hand written, then I might focus a bit more on individual chapters. But I have a lot of free time, so it probably wont be a problem. I'll try to make some kind of update each day. And on Ranma's "masculinity", it isn't going anywhere, he's just realizing that being able to transform into a girl might not be such a bad thing. ^_-
Astania:
ranma toss is word of honnor like that and reveal the P-Chan secret and Akane does not react to it?rnrnCommon, at least try on it.
Response: Oh, as you've probably already read in I think chapter three, she slaps (or as Akane calls it, punishes) Ryouga. She forgives him, but she doesn't apologize for slapping him (why should she apologize for something she enjoyed doing?). Also, Ranma made the promise to a dog, as I recall, who he thought was Ryouga, and that was before he became Akane's "pet". I do recall Ranma trying to tell Akane on several occasions during the series, but she hasn't really listened to him until now. Also, Ranma is trying to be honest and knows that he'll have to tell Akane sooner or later because if the wedding goes through he certainly doesn't want "P-Chan" along for the honeymoon. Also, I should mention the reason she doesn't really react beyond "I've got too many things to worry about" is because Ryouga isn't there for her to slap him, and like she said, she has too much to think about which perhaps I should've followed with "-to be angry," but I felt that was a given.
Butterfly:
I like your idea. The different diaries and journals are very interesting. One thing that bothered me a little is the fact that Akane wasn't angry at Ranma when he told her about Ryoga. And , talking about that, would he really just blurt it out like that? rnOk, that were just thoughts, as I said, I like it very much. Please keep it up!
Response: Well, I've kinda already address a few of those concerns. Actually, I did change it to happen up front, as opposed to the original draft where Ryouga tells Akane himself. I felt that the entire Ryouga thing just had to be gotten out of the way sooner, because having Ryouga say it just caused too many character problems for Akane at a point in the story where her emotions are already seriously confused. She had pretty much the same reaction, which was pretty much doing nothing. I probably could've written something that would work up to the revelation about Ryouga, perhaps have moved it up a little closer to the topic of being honest. I might make revisions to some of the chapters once I get finished with today's two chapters.
Materia-Blade:
i gotta question. How much of the Ranma 1/2 episodes have u seen? Are you comeing from the manga? Tell me do you know who Saffron, Herb, and Pantyhose Taro are? I seems like you haven't seem too much of the series. I can't see Ranma acting like he did in the third Chapter in a million years! Plus he has been into a clothes store. Remember the Episode called Pretty Womanhood? Ranma hits his head on a rock and thinks he's a girl... When is this story taking place anyway? One more thing before i get too the good parts of the review... Tatewaki Kuno... He would absolutly NEVER give up just like that... I mean never! I can't ever see it happening that way...rnrnNow for the better part. Your story was ok... is this a romance fic? Drama? Action, later on? I need to know. Either way its pretty good for either genre. I give the fic overall a 7/10.(i've read over 800 fics so that's sayin somethin...)rnrnGood fic.
Response: Read the disclaimer, I think I made one, that the characters aren't exactly meant to reflect themselves. Just to keep away more complaints, I'll reveal a concept I'm working on, it just so happens that the girl who drowned in the cursed spring was a clothing nut. This is a slightly alternate universe fic based upon the first season that I have on DVD, the first Manga which I also have, and the episodes from the third season that I rented from Hollywood Video a ways back that introduced Ukyo, the Ranma movies, a bit of research I've done on the net, and a few fan fics I've read. Really, I guess you could say that I'm a cheap Ranma fan, I don't have a job yet and once I set up my computer graphics business I might have enough money to start buying the season boxed sets so I can actually no a hell of a lot more about the series. I really should've just had Kuno already moved away to Tokyo, but now he's got a few points where he appears in the plot that I feel would be hard to change. He's giving up because he knows he's going to have to move away and over the year since he graduated he's been trying really hard to get over them and let go, it's taken him a whole year to do that, that's why he didn't move right to Tokyo after receiving a scholarship (or something like that, I'm making this up as I go, so sue me). And oh, he has been in a clothing store? Does he still remember it even after whatever happened to make the whole thing go back to normal? Well crap…I officially proclaim this a universe where Ranma totally forgot about it!
And as far as genres, action will likely take a back seat, although I have something cooked up, and it involves Shampoo, I will say nothing more. There will be drama, and this isn't always going to be a smooth road, although it's going to seem like that for a really large portion of the story.
DachiChan:
Well Kuno was kinda close but he would definately rave alot more about finding women's clothes in Ranma's closet. Probably along the lines of thinking him some pervert ect..
Response: I did go to a lot of work trying to convince Kuno that Akane would be happier with Ranma. The whole woman's clothes thing was a bit of a gag, and it's hard for me to make a gag then have the character react to it naturally. Perhaps I should've just made him think something rather dumb like "maybe he's just lending Akane some extra closet space", but that would really only serve to go against the idea that Kuno's gotten smart enough to actually get over Akane and the "tree borne kettle girl".
So there you have it, my responses to the reviews and please continue to note that the characters as I believe I disclaimed earlier, are not necessarily meant to reflect their counterparts in the series, although I do try my best, something have to be done for the interests of the plot flow I've set up. There are many moments in the journal entries where the characters seem to ask "Why the hell did I do that?", and they'll never find the true answer because the true answer is "The writer made you do it!".
Don't think however that I wont take the reviews to heart, one already gave me an idea for something I'll do in entry six, and I'll thank that person in the author's conclusion during that chapter. So thanks for your feedback!
Now after over two pages of responding to reviews, on with the story!
Ver.: 2.0
Update: A little more clarity regarding the role-reversal of Akane and Ranma with the roller coasters.
May 30th, 2003: The Amusement Park
"Well, thanks for not deciding to come as a girl today." Akane said to Ranma.
"You know, if you keep saying stuff like that in public places, I think people are bound to stare at some point." Ranma replied.
"I know, I probably should've told you some time before we got here."
"Well, it's too late now, and at least no one IS staring."
"It'll be safer when and if we go to the gift shop."
"Yeah, but we should save that for last."
"So, which rides should we stop at?"
"The roller coasters, definitely!"
"I should've figured…"
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind…"
"Oh, so you think that only guys like going on roller coasters?"
"Well, there are plenty of girls who go on them, I guess they enjoy it. Either that or it's just because their boyfriend's going on it or something."
"So what's you're problem?"
"I'm not a real 'roller-coaster' type-person."
"You're not into them? Or do you throw up?"
"No, they give me headaches."
"Headaches?" Akane raised her eyebrows.
"Probably from being jostled around so much. Or it might be allergies, stuff in the air rushing up my nose and such, affecting my sinuses. It could be a combination of those things."
"So I guess that might mean most of the rides are out the question."
"And I just don't really like roller coasters, headaches aren't the only reason, it's mostly a matter of taste. I'm not lying, okay? I don't throw up. I like the tilt-a-whirl and scrambler, and they jostle me around a bit too, and sometimes I get headaches, but I don't mind those. There are also a lot of those cool theme-rides I'd definitely like to see, and the carousel, the water rapids, and the farris wheel. That's plenty of stuff other than roller-coasters here."
"Well, just let me ride on one of them, you can wait for me, and be a wimp if you want."
"A WIMP?! Hey, don't try using my resentment of that term to use me!" Ranma said, then looked at a saw Akane's challenging gaze for a moment longer before continuing "Because it works every time!"
Much to Ranma's distress, Akane chose the biggest, longest, most scary-looking coaster in the entire park to go on. At least the line was long, so that Ranma could attempt in vain to prepare himself for the inevitable.
Once they were on and strapped in, Ranma's heart was pounding faster than what was probably the maximum speed of the roller coaster. After the first hill, Ranma couldn't help but actually feel a rush of excitement. He had never been on a roller coaster since he was a little kid, and he had been scared as hell of ridding them ever since, but now it was an entirely different experience. All his fears where released in the sheer thrill of the ups and downs, corkscrews and loop de loops. By the time it was done, in an ironic reversal of roles, Ranma was begging to go on another, but Akane didn't think her stomach could probably take it.
The rest of the day was spent on the rides that Ranma had mentioned before, and they both had a really good time. Then the park was about to close so they had to leave. Ranma was glad they were at least able to go on one more coaster before they left.
May 30th, 2003: Today me and Akane went to an amusement park, and I learned that roller coasters aren't as scary as I thought they were. That's another one off my list of stupid fears I have to overcome…a the bottom, of course…is my worst fear…no, I'd rather not discuss it. It brings back too many bad memories. So anyway, we had a good time, and Akane's the one who always got sick to her stomach, although I admire that she didn't throw up or anything. I'm not sure if I could really call this "date" a romantic one, but we got to know each other (and perhaps even ourselves, how's that for being deep) just a little bit more. Well, we went on several rides, as many as we could. We got there when they opened and left shortly before they closed, so we got the full experience, I guess. So, really, I can't think of anything else, except I think it was a good first date. Akane might actually have some redeeming qualities, after all.
Dear Diary,
Ranma might have some redeeming qualities, after all. He actually got past his fear of roller coasters and rode one to find out that he actually enjoyed it. Then I found out that my stomach can't handle it as well as it used to. Still, we had a really good time there, got to know a few new things about each other, maybe not so much biographical information but a lot about interests. I told him how I like playing video games, for one thing. He of course likes them, he's a guy, all guys are genetically programmed for three things: Being somehow perverted, being a jerk on occasion, and playing video games. At least that's my list so far. Some guys do evolve beyond their programming, for example, Dr. Tofu, although I never knew those days he probably had them, and I'm hoping Ranma may serves as a definite example. So I'm a bit more excited about the dance on Saturday night, but: Does Ranma actually know how to dance?
Sincerely, Akane Tendo
Author's Conclusion: Well, there you have it. By the way, the whole headache thing is a problem that I actually do have with roller coasters, so I decided to put it in as an excuse for Ranma. I hope once again that they aren't going too far out of character yet, although be warned the next part is going to be nearly a complete turnaround for the characters-just be warned.
Dogbert Carroll:
Not a great epic, but for a fic it's not half bad. I enjoyed reading it and will read every chapter you post.rnBTW Hey, I've thoroughly memorized all your faults, I'm just having trouble with your better traits, that's all. rnGreat line.
Response: Well, by epic I meant in the scope, the ambition I have for the idea, I'm very creatively ambitious, but when it comes to most other things, like my grades, I'm not. Also, I'm glad I've written such a memorable line, it just sort of came to my head as I was typing, because as I said I hadn't hand-written that part like the other things. But I did think at the time that it was a very appropriate line to give Ranma.
Jazzy:
but ranma has to stay really masculine! or is he going as a girl? oh well, update soon! please!
Response: Don't worry about updates, in entries three and four I mentioned that I planned on a quota of two chapters per day, or at least until I get past the stuff I've already hand written, then I might focus a bit more on individual chapters. But I have a lot of free time, so it probably wont be a problem. I'll try to make some kind of update each day. And on Ranma's "masculinity", it isn't going anywhere, he's just realizing that being able to transform into a girl might not be such a bad thing. ^_-
Astania:
ranma toss is word of honnor like that and reveal the P-Chan secret and Akane does not react to it?rnrnCommon, at least try on it.
Response: Oh, as you've probably already read in I think chapter three, she slaps (or as Akane calls it, punishes) Ryouga. She forgives him, but she doesn't apologize for slapping him (why should she apologize for something she enjoyed doing?). Also, Ranma made the promise to a dog, as I recall, who he thought was Ryouga, and that was before he became Akane's "pet". I do recall Ranma trying to tell Akane on several occasions during the series, but she hasn't really listened to him until now. Also, Ranma is trying to be honest and knows that he'll have to tell Akane sooner or later because if the wedding goes through he certainly doesn't want "P-Chan" along for the honeymoon. Also, I should mention the reason she doesn't really react beyond "I've got too many things to worry about" is because Ryouga isn't there for her to slap him, and like she said, she has too much to think about which perhaps I should've followed with "-to be angry," but I felt that was a given.
Butterfly:
I like your idea. The different diaries and journals are very interesting. One thing that bothered me a little is the fact that Akane wasn't angry at Ranma when he told her about Ryoga. And , talking about that, would he really just blurt it out like that? rnOk, that were just thoughts, as I said, I like it very much. Please keep it up!
Response: Well, I've kinda already address a few of those concerns. Actually, I did change it to happen up front, as opposed to the original draft where Ryouga tells Akane himself. I felt that the entire Ryouga thing just had to be gotten out of the way sooner, because having Ryouga say it just caused too many character problems for Akane at a point in the story where her emotions are already seriously confused. She had pretty much the same reaction, which was pretty much doing nothing. I probably could've written something that would work up to the revelation about Ryouga, perhaps have moved it up a little closer to the topic of being honest. I might make revisions to some of the chapters once I get finished with today's two chapters.
Materia-Blade:
i gotta question. How much of the Ranma 1/2 episodes have u seen? Are you comeing from the manga? Tell me do you know who Saffron, Herb, and Pantyhose Taro are? I seems like you haven't seem too much of the series. I can't see Ranma acting like he did in the third Chapter in a million years! Plus he has been into a clothes store. Remember the Episode called Pretty Womanhood? Ranma hits his head on a rock and thinks he's a girl... When is this story taking place anyway? One more thing before i get too the good parts of the review... Tatewaki Kuno... He would absolutly NEVER give up just like that... I mean never! I can't ever see it happening that way...rnrnNow for the better part. Your story was ok... is this a romance fic? Drama? Action, later on? I need to know. Either way its pretty good for either genre. I give the fic overall a 7/10.(i've read over 800 fics so that's sayin somethin...)rnrnGood fic.
Response: Read the disclaimer, I think I made one, that the characters aren't exactly meant to reflect themselves. Just to keep away more complaints, I'll reveal a concept I'm working on, it just so happens that the girl who drowned in the cursed spring was a clothing nut. This is a slightly alternate universe fic based upon the first season that I have on DVD, the first Manga which I also have, and the episodes from the third season that I rented from Hollywood Video a ways back that introduced Ukyo, the Ranma movies, a bit of research I've done on the net, and a few fan fics I've read. Really, I guess you could say that I'm a cheap Ranma fan, I don't have a job yet and once I set up my computer graphics business I might have enough money to start buying the season boxed sets so I can actually no a hell of a lot more about the series. I really should've just had Kuno already moved away to Tokyo, but now he's got a few points where he appears in the plot that I feel would be hard to change. He's giving up because he knows he's going to have to move away and over the year since he graduated he's been trying really hard to get over them and let go, it's taken him a whole year to do that, that's why he didn't move right to Tokyo after receiving a scholarship (or something like that, I'm making this up as I go, so sue me). And oh, he has been in a clothing store? Does he still remember it even after whatever happened to make the whole thing go back to normal? Well crap…I officially proclaim this a universe where Ranma totally forgot about it!
And as far as genres, action will likely take a back seat, although I have something cooked up, and it involves Shampoo, I will say nothing more. There will be drama, and this isn't always going to be a smooth road, although it's going to seem like that for a really large portion of the story.
DachiChan:
Well Kuno was kinda close but he would definately rave alot more about finding women's clothes in Ranma's closet. Probably along the lines of thinking him some pervert ect..
Response: I did go to a lot of work trying to convince Kuno that Akane would be happier with Ranma. The whole woman's clothes thing was a bit of a gag, and it's hard for me to make a gag then have the character react to it naturally. Perhaps I should've just made him think something rather dumb like "maybe he's just lending Akane some extra closet space", but that would really only serve to go against the idea that Kuno's gotten smart enough to actually get over Akane and the "tree borne kettle girl".
So there you have it, my responses to the reviews and please continue to note that the characters as I believe I disclaimed earlier, are not necessarily meant to reflect their counterparts in the series, although I do try my best, something have to be done for the interests of the plot flow I've set up. There are many moments in the journal entries where the characters seem to ask "Why the hell did I do that?", and they'll never find the true answer because the true answer is "The writer made you do it!".
Don't think however that I wont take the reviews to heart, one already gave me an idea for something I'll do in entry six, and I'll thank that person in the author's conclusion during that chapter. So thanks for your feedback!
Now after over two pages of responding to reviews, on with the story!
Ver.: 2.0
Update: A little more clarity regarding the role-reversal of Akane and Ranma with the roller coasters.
May 30th, 2003: The Amusement Park
"Well, thanks for not deciding to come as a girl today." Akane said to Ranma.
"You know, if you keep saying stuff like that in public places, I think people are bound to stare at some point." Ranma replied.
"I know, I probably should've told you some time before we got here."
"Well, it's too late now, and at least no one IS staring."
"It'll be safer when and if we go to the gift shop."
"Yeah, but we should save that for last."
"So, which rides should we stop at?"
"The roller coasters, definitely!"
"I should've figured…"
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind…"
"Oh, so you think that only guys like going on roller coasters?"
"Well, there are plenty of girls who go on them, I guess they enjoy it. Either that or it's just because their boyfriend's going on it or something."
"So what's you're problem?"
"I'm not a real 'roller-coaster' type-person."
"You're not into them? Or do you throw up?"
"No, they give me headaches."
"Headaches?" Akane raised her eyebrows.
"Probably from being jostled around so much. Or it might be allergies, stuff in the air rushing up my nose and such, affecting my sinuses. It could be a combination of those things."
"So I guess that might mean most of the rides are out the question."
"And I just don't really like roller coasters, headaches aren't the only reason, it's mostly a matter of taste. I'm not lying, okay? I don't throw up. I like the tilt-a-whirl and scrambler, and they jostle me around a bit too, and sometimes I get headaches, but I don't mind those. There are also a lot of those cool theme-rides I'd definitely like to see, and the carousel, the water rapids, and the farris wheel. That's plenty of stuff other than roller-coasters here."
"Well, just let me ride on one of them, you can wait for me, and be a wimp if you want."
"A WIMP?! Hey, don't try using my resentment of that term to use me!" Ranma said, then looked at a saw Akane's challenging gaze for a moment longer before continuing "Because it works every time!"
Much to Ranma's distress, Akane chose the biggest, longest, most scary-looking coaster in the entire park to go on. At least the line was long, so that Ranma could attempt in vain to prepare himself for the inevitable.
Once they were on and strapped in, Ranma's heart was pounding faster than what was probably the maximum speed of the roller coaster. After the first hill, Ranma couldn't help but actually feel a rush of excitement. He had never been on a roller coaster since he was a little kid, and he had been scared as hell of ridding them ever since, but now it was an entirely different experience. All his fears where released in the sheer thrill of the ups and downs, corkscrews and loop de loops. By the time it was done, in an ironic reversal of roles, Ranma was begging to go on another, but Akane didn't think her stomach could probably take it.
The rest of the day was spent on the rides that Ranma had mentioned before, and they both had a really good time. Then the park was about to close so they had to leave. Ranma was glad they were at least able to go on one more coaster before they left.
May 30th, 2003: Today me and Akane went to an amusement park, and I learned that roller coasters aren't as scary as I thought they were. That's another one off my list of stupid fears I have to overcome…a the bottom, of course…is my worst fear…no, I'd rather not discuss it. It brings back too many bad memories. So anyway, we had a good time, and Akane's the one who always got sick to her stomach, although I admire that she didn't throw up or anything. I'm not sure if I could really call this "date" a romantic one, but we got to know each other (and perhaps even ourselves, how's that for being deep) just a little bit more. Well, we went on several rides, as many as we could. We got there when they opened and left shortly before they closed, so we got the full experience, I guess. So, really, I can't think of anything else, except I think it was a good first date. Akane might actually have some redeeming qualities, after all.
Dear Diary,
Ranma might have some redeeming qualities, after all. He actually got past his fear of roller coasters and rode one to find out that he actually enjoyed it. Then I found out that my stomach can't handle it as well as it used to. Still, we had a really good time there, got to know a few new things about each other, maybe not so much biographical information but a lot about interests. I told him how I like playing video games, for one thing. He of course likes them, he's a guy, all guys are genetically programmed for three things: Being somehow perverted, being a jerk on occasion, and playing video games. At least that's my list so far. Some guys do evolve beyond their programming, for example, Dr. Tofu, although I never knew those days he probably had them, and I'm hoping Ranma may serves as a definite example. So I'm a bit more excited about the dance on Saturday night, but: Does Ranma actually know how to dance?
Sincerely, Akane Tendo
Author's Conclusion: Well, there you have it. By the way, the whole headache thing is a problem that I actually do have with roller coasters, so I decided to put it in as an excuse for Ranma. I hope once again that they aren't going too far out of character yet, although be warned the next part is going to be nearly a complete turnaround for the characters-just be warned.