Author's Intro: Now that's it's become a bit of a tradition right now, I'm going to do more responses to the reviews, which will also serve to be an author's intro in and of it self because I address issues that I was going to mention here, anyway.
Author's Feedback on Feedback:
Shun ^ Hyoga:
This is really nice!rnI love your fic a lot.rnGreat job.
&
Ellen:
That was great!
Response: Uh…thank you, I guess…although in critiquing your review, I must say that the worst part is not saying why it was great, that's kinda a key part of a review. It would at least give me an idea of how to keep up the good work.
Dogbert Carroll:
*shrug* A lot of character development but no action so far.
Response: The "action" as in martial arts stuff, doesn't happen until sometime in the later half of July (in the context of the story, I'll hopefully get there before the actual dates in real time). If you look at the Genre indicator, it says Romance/Humor, which means that Action is probably going to take a back seat for the majority of the story. Hmm…perhaps I could've been more descriptive when they were playing Virtua Fighter 4, maybe when I start working on version 2.0 of some of the chapters.
Butterfly:
Nice. Slow pace, creating suspence. Lol. A good thing indeed, if you don't keep us hanging here for too long. So please update soon!
Response: Yeah, I did a lot of writing on paper, and it's amazing how much you can write about individual days, although after they graduate they'll only be writing entries twice a week (to help speed up the pacing in an otherwise slow summer). Coming up is a big character turn around, as I mentioned before, that I have been criticized for doing in another Ranma fan fiction and consequently had to change (in that story), so now I have to focus on trying to make it believable that Akane would actually let it happen. I'll only give one hint right now: It does not, I repeat, DOES NOT involve sex, because that would be terribly out of character, and I've doing enough damage as it is. Lol
Butterfly:
Uhm... A minor technical prob: could you re-check the roles in the part where Akane and Ranma talk about going to the rolloer coaster? I mean, I got confused about who was saying what, and I thought Akane was the one who hated them till the last part. rnOtherwise, a very nice chapter, now I'll go on reading the next one. ^_^
Response: Okay, this is about the previous chapter, I'm just going down through my inbox right now covering these. Just to clarify, it is Ranma who used to be afraid of roller coasters when he was a kid, Akane enjoyed them tremendously when she was a kid, neither of them have been to an amusement park in a pretty long time. So now the roles turn out to reverse, in a strange twist Ranma turns out to enjoy roller coasters and Akane now seems to get sick to her stomach when she goes on one. Apparently, her body or chemistry or something changed when she got older to be more prone to stomach as than she was as a child. Perhaps I should've been more clear on that. So there's another thing to put on my 2.0 update list: clarifying the ironic character twist.
Mary:
This is really good. I hope they have a nice time at the dance. It seems they don't have any "romantic" feelings towards each other yet, but I'm sure you're just buttering them up.
Response: This is something I've been wanting to talk about, a change in the scene where Ranma and Akane first see each other. Originally, Ranma sees Akane in her dress for the first time as a guy, and kinda goes into a trance. I would've written it in, but I went on a little improv thought inspired by the movie Analyze This based upon the concept that it was a very weird coincidence that they happened to leave their rooms at the same time. It also helped because it eliminated a scene that might make it look like their relationship is from the offset becoming a lot more romantic, so it was really a good cut, but then it means that I'm going to have to work harder to make the character turnaround scene seem more normal.
Dogbert Carroll:
It all seems too easy. Shampoo not attacking anyone, Ryoga suddenly over his obsession as well as Ukyou. Ranma suddenly a lot brighter and Akane no longer having drastic mood swings.
Response: Oh, trust me, in the chapter that follows, Shampoo's going to be pulling something, Ryouga (dammit, how is his name spelled?! If there's no "u", it'll be corrected in 2.0), is going to probably have a guest journal entry, which will probably be having him, like most of the journal entries try to do, explaining his weird and sudden change of heart. Ranma seems to now be a lot smarter than everyone thought he was, and Akane, who knows what's going on with her now. She did have one mood swing, which is one moment slapping Ryouga and the next forgiving him. I'd call that at least somewhat drastic. lol
Anime Goddess: HEY!GREAT STORY, UPDATE SOON!I ACTUALLY LIKE RYOGA AND UKYO THE BEST AND THINK THEY WOULD MAKE AN AWESOME COUPLE, EVEN THOUGH I THINK RYOGA AND MYSELF WOULD BE BETTER.:prnWELL, LIKE I ASKED BEFORE, UPDATE SOON!YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!:p
Response: *Hits caps lock key* YEAH! THAT'S THE SPIRIT! DID I EVEN MENTION THAT RYOUGA AND UKYO WOULD BE TOGETHER IN THIS CHAPTER?! I HINTED AT IT, AT LEAST IN THE LAST RESPONSE! NOW IT'S OFFICIAL! AND YEAH, I WILL KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, FOR SURE! *Hits caps lock key again*
Well, it's been fun responding to the numerous reviews I've been getting. And I must say that I enjoy feedback and that it will be used to update chapters in my 2.0 update (which will likely happen after I get through everything I currently have written on paper). The update will include being just a tad bit more historically accurate and making the characters maybe just a little more true to the originals.
So now, to continue where I left off!
Ver.: 2.0
Update: N/A
The Dance:
They watched the dojo fight sequence off The Matrix DVD. By the time it was over, they arrived.
They went inside, presented their tickets, and went up the elevator to the dance "floor". It was still early so the dance music hadn't started yet. Just some corny-sounding tune from some god-forsaken generation of music. They did see a few familiar faces, and discovered that Nabiki's date was none other than-Kuno? Alrighty…then they saw Ryouga with Ukyo, and the fact that Ryouga's black eye, oddly shaped like a handprint, hadn't quite healed yet.
Ranma felt a tap on his shoulder and saw Kuno standing behind him.
"Excuse me, but I wish to speak with you at some point in the near future, here may not be…an appropriate place for that which I desire to discuss with you," Kuno said.
"What is it, Kuno? The engagement will probably end up going through whether any of us likes it or not." Akane said.
"It is true that what I want to discuss regards the engagement, but I'd like to talk to Ranma, man-to-man, so to speak. I wish to know his intentions…to put my mind at ease before I leave for Tokyo in a couple weeks."
"Okay, sure, Ukyo's place, you can pick the time. If you try to pull anything, she'll be sure to hit you on the head with whichever large kitchen utensil is nearest."
"Such precautions I suppose are understandable. How about next Saturday, exactly a week from now, at noon."
"Yeah, sure."
"Alright then. Now, if you'd excuse me, my date is waiting for me with some refreshments."
Without another word, Kuno left Ranma and Akane a bit bewildered by the encounter.
"What do you think that was all about?" Akane asked.
"From what I could tell, he might just want to figure out if I'm 'worthy' of your hand in marriage or something."
"Looks like Nabiki's got him under her finger, though."
"Is that Mouse?"
"Huh?"
"Over there, with…it looks like Shampoo."
"I think it is Shampoo, and Mouse."
"Maybe she's finally gotten over me."
"Maybe."
Finally, the REAL dance music started playing. It started with some of the faster songs, which Ranma was definitely good at dancing to, while Akane kinda had to follow his lead. Then there were some slower songs, which was were Akane had more immediate experience. Ranma learned fast, or rather, started remembering things from his dance classes as they went.
It was while they were slow dancing that Ranma noticed that Shampoo and Mouse were dancing together within his sight distance. He also noticed that she was holding Mouse in a rather "intimate"-looking way. He was a bit confused about it, wondering how she moved on so-
"Look who's trying to make you jealous." Akane pointed out.
Then it hit him like a freight train-why hadn't he thought of it before? It should've been OBVIOUS!
"Poor Mouse, being taken advantage of like that…"
"I think it would be better if we just ignored them."
"But-"
"What else could we do, pry her off him, start a fight? With the whole kiss-of-death thing, I don't think that would be very wise."
"Alright…"
"I'm glad you're giving Ranma a chance, Kuno." Nabiki said.
"What I really would like to know is what he's doing with a bunch of women's clothes in his closet." Kuno replied.
"Well, you can-uh-ask him then."
"I certainly shall."
"You don't mind the fact that I turn into a pig, do you?" Ryouga asked.
"Just as long as you don't use it to sneak into my room like you did with Akane. If you do, you're going to have a matching black eye on the other side of your face." Ukyo replied.
"Fair enough."
Meanwhile, Akane and Ranma were going for refreshments. Akane saw that Shampoo was now making out with Mouse against a nearby wall.
"Ranma…I don't think I can take much more of this!"
"WHAT?!"
"Shampoo!"
"Wow, it looks like she's making you more jealous than she's making me."
"Ranma, you're provoking me, and don't think you'll like me when I'm provoked!"
"Sorry, sorry…I meant that in only the most kidding-around way."
"YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. WE'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE SENIOR DANCE COURT!"
Akane and Ranma watched as mostly people they didn't know, and only a few they actually did, were introduced and walked down the center of the dance floor.
"NOW, OUR KING AND QUEEN THIS YEAR WILL LIKELY GO DOWN IN FURIKAN HIGH HISTORY AS BEING THE FIRST WRITE-IN COUPLE TO ACTUALLY WIN THESE COVETED POSITIONS! WE DID NOT NOTIFY THEM IN ADVANCE BY REQUEST OF ONE OF THEIR RELATIVES, SO THIS IS SURE TO BE QUITE A SURPRISE FOR THEM."
Akane was sure she saw Nabiki wink at them at some point during the announcement.
"ALLOW ME NOW TO PROUDLY INTRODUCE THIS YEAR'S SENIOR DANCE KING AND QUEEN BY WRITE-IN VOTE: RANMA SAOTOME AND AKANE TENDO!"
All eyes turned to them, as if they all seemed to know exactly where they were standing. And they parted to make a path for them as if it were all choreographed. They both just stood there, wanting the announcer to repeat what he just said for clarification.
When they didn't move, the guys who had the crows decided to just head down and put them on their heads. This seemed to snap them out of the trance they were in.
"…I take it your sister planned this?"
"More like organized it…so that's what she's been doing, made a whole campaign to get as voted as a write in. I don't know how the hell she managed to pull it off without us finding out somehow."
"NOW WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE CLEAR THE DANCE FLOOR FOR THE TRADITIONAL KING AND QUEEN DANCE!"
Ranma had just noticed how good Akane's dress looked. He had seen it before, but that was as a girl, and a girl shopping for clothes at that (he still couldn't figure out why the hell he did that). She looked…dare he think it: beautiful.
"Ranma, I think they want us out there." Akane said, snapping him out of it.
"Oh, sorry, I just realized how nice you look in that dress."
"Took you long enough," she said, "Now let's go."
They got out and danced, the song happened to be one of Akane's favorites, no doubt Nabiki made the request, and it only served to make the moment even more perfect. Ranma wasn't that big into romantic songs, but he went with it, drawing from the apparent glint in Akane's eyes. Everything around them seemed to fade away, and it was only the two of them, wondering how the hell things got to this point, this moment in time, a moment that just a week previous would've been unimaginable. Then the song was over, and everyone else started to crowd in around them. For a few more seconds, they just stood there, still lost in the oblivion of each other's eyes, before realizing that a fast song was playing now.
They stayed until the very last song was less than an echo in their ears. They then headed back downstairs in the elevator and headed towards the limo to head back home.
Author's Conclusion: The next chapter will bring the promised turn-around, I swear! And I'll be typing it up next, so you should be able to read it now, if not just shortly. I hope you enjoyed it and that I created the sense of a romance that's just starting to form between Ranma and Akane, and that you got a few laughs in as well, those are important you know.
Author's Feedback on Feedback:
Shun ^ Hyoga:
This is really nice!rnI love your fic a lot.rnGreat job.
&
Ellen:
That was great!
Response: Uh…thank you, I guess…although in critiquing your review, I must say that the worst part is not saying why it was great, that's kinda a key part of a review. It would at least give me an idea of how to keep up the good work.
Dogbert Carroll:
*shrug* A lot of character development but no action so far.
Response: The "action" as in martial arts stuff, doesn't happen until sometime in the later half of July (in the context of the story, I'll hopefully get there before the actual dates in real time). If you look at the Genre indicator, it says Romance/Humor, which means that Action is probably going to take a back seat for the majority of the story. Hmm…perhaps I could've been more descriptive when they were playing Virtua Fighter 4, maybe when I start working on version 2.0 of some of the chapters.
Butterfly:
Nice. Slow pace, creating suspence. Lol. A good thing indeed, if you don't keep us hanging here for too long. So please update soon!
Response: Yeah, I did a lot of writing on paper, and it's amazing how much you can write about individual days, although after they graduate they'll only be writing entries twice a week (to help speed up the pacing in an otherwise slow summer). Coming up is a big character turn around, as I mentioned before, that I have been criticized for doing in another Ranma fan fiction and consequently had to change (in that story), so now I have to focus on trying to make it believable that Akane would actually let it happen. I'll only give one hint right now: It does not, I repeat, DOES NOT involve sex, because that would be terribly out of character, and I've doing enough damage as it is. Lol
Butterfly:
Uhm... A minor technical prob: could you re-check the roles in the part where Akane and Ranma talk about going to the rolloer coaster? I mean, I got confused about who was saying what, and I thought Akane was the one who hated them till the last part. rnOtherwise, a very nice chapter, now I'll go on reading the next one. ^_^
Response: Okay, this is about the previous chapter, I'm just going down through my inbox right now covering these. Just to clarify, it is Ranma who used to be afraid of roller coasters when he was a kid, Akane enjoyed them tremendously when she was a kid, neither of them have been to an amusement park in a pretty long time. So now the roles turn out to reverse, in a strange twist Ranma turns out to enjoy roller coasters and Akane now seems to get sick to her stomach when she goes on one. Apparently, her body or chemistry or something changed when she got older to be more prone to stomach as than she was as a child. Perhaps I should've been more clear on that. So there's another thing to put on my 2.0 update list: clarifying the ironic character twist.
Mary:
This is really good. I hope they have a nice time at the dance. It seems they don't have any "romantic" feelings towards each other yet, but I'm sure you're just buttering them up.
Response: This is something I've been wanting to talk about, a change in the scene where Ranma and Akane first see each other. Originally, Ranma sees Akane in her dress for the first time as a guy, and kinda goes into a trance. I would've written it in, but I went on a little improv thought inspired by the movie Analyze This based upon the concept that it was a very weird coincidence that they happened to leave their rooms at the same time. It also helped because it eliminated a scene that might make it look like their relationship is from the offset becoming a lot more romantic, so it was really a good cut, but then it means that I'm going to have to work harder to make the character turnaround scene seem more normal.
Dogbert Carroll:
It all seems too easy. Shampoo not attacking anyone, Ryoga suddenly over his obsession as well as Ukyou. Ranma suddenly a lot brighter and Akane no longer having drastic mood swings.
Response: Oh, trust me, in the chapter that follows, Shampoo's going to be pulling something, Ryouga (dammit, how is his name spelled?! If there's no "u", it'll be corrected in 2.0), is going to probably have a guest journal entry, which will probably be having him, like most of the journal entries try to do, explaining his weird and sudden change of heart. Ranma seems to now be a lot smarter than everyone thought he was, and Akane, who knows what's going on with her now. She did have one mood swing, which is one moment slapping Ryouga and the next forgiving him. I'd call that at least somewhat drastic. lol
Anime Goddess: HEY!GREAT STORY, UPDATE SOON!I ACTUALLY LIKE RYOGA AND UKYO THE BEST AND THINK THEY WOULD MAKE AN AWESOME COUPLE, EVEN THOUGH I THINK RYOGA AND MYSELF WOULD BE BETTER.:prnWELL, LIKE I ASKED BEFORE, UPDATE SOON!YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!:p
Response: *Hits caps lock key* YEAH! THAT'S THE SPIRIT! DID I EVEN MENTION THAT RYOUGA AND UKYO WOULD BE TOGETHER IN THIS CHAPTER?! I HINTED AT IT, AT LEAST IN THE LAST RESPONSE! NOW IT'S OFFICIAL! AND YEAH, I WILL KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, FOR SURE! *Hits caps lock key again*
Well, it's been fun responding to the numerous reviews I've been getting. And I must say that I enjoy feedback and that it will be used to update chapters in my 2.0 update (which will likely happen after I get through everything I currently have written on paper). The update will include being just a tad bit more historically accurate and making the characters maybe just a little more true to the originals.
So now, to continue where I left off!
Ver.: 2.0
Update: N/A
The Dance:
They watched the dojo fight sequence off The Matrix DVD. By the time it was over, they arrived.
They went inside, presented their tickets, and went up the elevator to the dance "floor". It was still early so the dance music hadn't started yet. Just some corny-sounding tune from some god-forsaken generation of music. They did see a few familiar faces, and discovered that Nabiki's date was none other than-Kuno? Alrighty…then they saw Ryouga with Ukyo, and the fact that Ryouga's black eye, oddly shaped like a handprint, hadn't quite healed yet.
Ranma felt a tap on his shoulder and saw Kuno standing behind him.
"Excuse me, but I wish to speak with you at some point in the near future, here may not be…an appropriate place for that which I desire to discuss with you," Kuno said.
"What is it, Kuno? The engagement will probably end up going through whether any of us likes it or not." Akane said.
"It is true that what I want to discuss regards the engagement, but I'd like to talk to Ranma, man-to-man, so to speak. I wish to know his intentions…to put my mind at ease before I leave for Tokyo in a couple weeks."
"Okay, sure, Ukyo's place, you can pick the time. If you try to pull anything, she'll be sure to hit you on the head with whichever large kitchen utensil is nearest."
"Such precautions I suppose are understandable. How about next Saturday, exactly a week from now, at noon."
"Yeah, sure."
"Alright then. Now, if you'd excuse me, my date is waiting for me with some refreshments."
Without another word, Kuno left Ranma and Akane a bit bewildered by the encounter.
"What do you think that was all about?" Akane asked.
"From what I could tell, he might just want to figure out if I'm 'worthy' of your hand in marriage or something."
"Looks like Nabiki's got him under her finger, though."
"Is that Mouse?"
"Huh?"
"Over there, with…it looks like Shampoo."
"I think it is Shampoo, and Mouse."
"Maybe she's finally gotten over me."
"Maybe."
Finally, the REAL dance music started playing. It started with some of the faster songs, which Ranma was definitely good at dancing to, while Akane kinda had to follow his lead. Then there were some slower songs, which was were Akane had more immediate experience. Ranma learned fast, or rather, started remembering things from his dance classes as they went.
It was while they were slow dancing that Ranma noticed that Shampoo and Mouse were dancing together within his sight distance. He also noticed that she was holding Mouse in a rather "intimate"-looking way. He was a bit confused about it, wondering how she moved on so-
"Look who's trying to make you jealous." Akane pointed out.
Then it hit him like a freight train-why hadn't he thought of it before? It should've been OBVIOUS!
"Poor Mouse, being taken advantage of like that…"
"I think it would be better if we just ignored them."
"But-"
"What else could we do, pry her off him, start a fight? With the whole kiss-of-death thing, I don't think that would be very wise."
"Alright…"
"I'm glad you're giving Ranma a chance, Kuno." Nabiki said.
"What I really would like to know is what he's doing with a bunch of women's clothes in his closet." Kuno replied.
"Well, you can-uh-ask him then."
"I certainly shall."
"You don't mind the fact that I turn into a pig, do you?" Ryouga asked.
"Just as long as you don't use it to sneak into my room like you did with Akane. If you do, you're going to have a matching black eye on the other side of your face." Ukyo replied.
"Fair enough."
Meanwhile, Akane and Ranma were going for refreshments. Akane saw that Shampoo was now making out with Mouse against a nearby wall.
"Ranma…I don't think I can take much more of this!"
"WHAT?!"
"Shampoo!"
"Wow, it looks like she's making you more jealous than she's making me."
"Ranma, you're provoking me, and don't think you'll like me when I'm provoked!"
"Sorry, sorry…I meant that in only the most kidding-around way."
"YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. WE'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE SENIOR DANCE COURT!"
Akane and Ranma watched as mostly people they didn't know, and only a few they actually did, were introduced and walked down the center of the dance floor.
"NOW, OUR KING AND QUEEN THIS YEAR WILL LIKELY GO DOWN IN FURIKAN HIGH HISTORY AS BEING THE FIRST WRITE-IN COUPLE TO ACTUALLY WIN THESE COVETED POSITIONS! WE DID NOT NOTIFY THEM IN ADVANCE BY REQUEST OF ONE OF THEIR RELATIVES, SO THIS IS SURE TO BE QUITE A SURPRISE FOR THEM."
Akane was sure she saw Nabiki wink at them at some point during the announcement.
"ALLOW ME NOW TO PROUDLY INTRODUCE THIS YEAR'S SENIOR DANCE KING AND QUEEN BY WRITE-IN VOTE: RANMA SAOTOME AND AKANE TENDO!"
All eyes turned to them, as if they all seemed to know exactly where they were standing. And they parted to make a path for them as if it were all choreographed. They both just stood there, wanting the announcer to repeat what he just said for clarification.
When they didn't move, the guys who had the crows decided to just head down and put them on their heads. This seemed to snap them out of the trance they were in.
"…I take it your sister planned this?"
"More like organized it…so that's what she's been doing, made a whole campaign to get as voted as a write in. I don't know how the hell she managed to pull it off without us finding out somehow."
"NOW WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE CLEAR THE DANCE FLOOR FOR THE TRADITIONAL KING AND QUEEN DANCE!"
Ranma had just noticed how good Akane's dress looked. He had seen it before, but that was as a girl, and a girl shopping for clothes at that (he still couldn't figure out why the hell he did that). She looked…dare he think it: beautiful.
"Ranma, I think they want us out there." Akane said, snapping him out of it.
"Oh, sorry, I just realized how nice you look in that dress."
"Took you long enough," she said, "Now let's go."
They got out and danced, the song happened to be one of Akane's favorites, no doubt Nabiki made the request, and it only served to make the moment even more perfect. Ranma wasn't that big into romantic songs, but he went with it, drawing from the apparent glint in Akane's eyes. Everything around them seemed to fade away, and it was only the two of them, wondering how the hell things got to this point, this moment in time, a moment that just a week previous would've been unimaginable. Then the song was over, and everyone else started to crowd in around them. For a few more seconds, they just stood there, still lost in the oblivion of each other's eyes, before realizing that a fast song was playing now.
They stayed until the very last song was less than an echo in their ears. They then headed back downstairs in the elevator and headed towards the limo to head back home.
Author's Conclusion: The next chapter will bring the promised turn-around, I swear! And I'll be typing it up next, so you should be able to read it now, if not just shortly. I hope you enjoyed it and that I created the sense of a romance that's just starting to form between Ranma and Akane, and that you got a few laughs in as well, those are important you know.