smilodon:
Your story is pretty interesting, but the chapters are too short and it's becoming disjointed as a result. I don't mind you replying to reviews and what not, but you should take it as a warning sign when your replies are taking up more room than the new story.rnrnAt any rate, I am interested to see where you take this, but I suggest that you resist posting two paragraphs as a new chapter. I would much rather wait a few days to get 7 or 8 pages then to get this one page at a time.
Response: Well, the story is really starting to slow down after the roller coaster start. I've never really been good with writing decent-sized chapters. Usually, my maximum is around three or so pages, and a few chapters have no shown reviews. Currently, there aren't very many eventful things going on, which means that if anything, I may have to resort to having multiple days' entries in a single chapter
Gohan22:
Dont make akane bisexual!Thats just wrong,even if she does not care about ranma's girl side.
Response: Firstly, please do not ask me to do such a thing again, I will not change it beyond what I've already changed (i.e. her not being incredibly bisexual). Just trust me, this is going to play an important role later on in the story, as I believe I mentioned before, and as I also think I mentioned before, I cannot and will not remove key parts from the plot just to satisfy, and especially just one reader. If I were to change it, it would make a particularly dramatic part of the story not be possible, and that's all I'm going to say because I'd rather not spoil it and by constantly complaining about Akane's sexual orientation, you're pushing me to do so, so please don't!
Mary:
Ok Akane saying all the stuff she's said makes more sense now. And you got it right about how dense Ranma is. I think it's cute how he spells bisexual "buysexual." Nice touch.
Response: Well, I read somewhere that Ranma was training for about ten years of his life, although some kind of education must've taken place because he would otherwise have no gotten into that situation with Ryouga. I think it may have been a fan fiction I read it in…I'm not entirely sure, so it may not even be accurate. But in any case it shows that more of his life was spent in training than in school, hence although he is perfectly capable of learning, he just hasn't been taught that much.
Soju:
Eh, well I'm not sure if you're still writing this fic, but anyways, whatever.rnAbout your questions on the spelling for Ryouga (you can tell already which one I prefer) I am inclined to think that romanization with the 'u' is probably more correct. And Ukyo.. well... do people actually spell Ukyo differently?rnKenpo, Kempo, doesn't really matter. I use Ken instead of Kem, because ken is the typical way to say fist/sword alone, and I don't see a whole lot of people saying kemshin, or shoryuukem or anything like that, using an example from Rurouni Ke(n)shin and Street Fighter respectively. Also, its practically always ken and not kem when used alone.rnAbout Akane's sexual preference, her being bisexual is nothing original, just sparse, and her being heterosexual is just basic assumption on the part of the majority of fanfic writers (at least who write Ranma/Akane, and also for non-lemon writers). It being cannon though... well... like the other guy said, sexuality (for Akane at least) isn't cannon. I was actually thinking of writing a Ranma fic, where there is a scene where Akane is comparing her sexuality to handedness. The majority of people are right-handed (straight people), some are left-handed (gay/lesbian people) and some are ambidexterous, (bisexuals). I was having Akane thinking of herself as ambisinister (of course meaning having practically no coordination, and there ARE people who have both hands function about as well as normal people's bad hand.) So she had practically no sexuality, not being especially attracted to either gender. It is also my belief that she has a very hard time thinking about being in an intimate situation with _anyone_, and would probably have to be sort of... trying to find an appropriate way to describe it (and failing quite horribly, as a 14 year old I don't have the vocabulary of someone older) led around the idea of being intimate with (Ranma/anyone else) like people who are extremely shy and need counseling to adjust to being around people.rnAnd finally to the subject of your writing -- I have only two major issues with it. In the scene where Akane went to Ranma's room during a thunderstorm, and yelled at herself, or more particularly, the normal voices in your head (I sure _hope_ their normal..) I was kinda confused about who exactly she was yelling at, and had to re-read it. Then again that could just be my problem with reading to fast. The second - your chapters are getting shorter and shorter! Come on man seriously... The actual story parts are getting about the size as 1/4th of a normal sized chapter (in my preference).rnSeeing as how this is the longest review I've ever written, even considering it's for 20k (or about 13k of story), I'm submitting it before I continue ranting into the night.rnPlease excuse any spelling mistakes as a result of this.rnHeh.
Response: She's yelling at the voices in her head, the "devil" and "angel" Akanes, if you will. Kind of like the "devil" and "angel" versions of Excel in Excel Saga. Also like the ones I think I remember seeing in at least one episode of the sitcom Full House. It's a stereotypical thing, but I didn't really play on it as a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, because it's so cliché. Rather, that's how you should look at it as far as what the voices are saying.
The voice that said "Now that's the spirit!" was the angel voice, and Akane was responding to it, even though Ranma could obviously not hear it. That's why he thought she was going nuts…well, part of why he thought she was going nuts.
On the subject of Akane, it's kind of true, and it may be something I'll play with a bit more about Akane's psyche. How she's afraid of getting close to someone, yet she seems to be getting closer and closer to Ranma and how that starts to frighten her or something like that.
Soju:
One more thing however, I feel I have to say...rnI suck at Virtua Fighter. I broke my PS2 controller by throwing it against the ground after repeatedly losing ranking kumite matches.rnThen again, I'm the king of Tekken. Seriously. I can wavedash easily.
Response: Yes, I can beat Tekken 4 with all of the characters (on Easy mode, mind you), albeit after doing my Chester Bennington impersonation (he's the vocalist for Linkin Park, for you people who aren't as ridiculously big fans of them as I am, he likes to scream), and focusing my hatred of the final boss's diaper costume in order to beat him. lol
Alanna: The way you arrange your writings is getting on my nerve. I'd rather get on with the story than figuring out where the actual story starts. (And it's getting shorter everyday as you spend more and more time than making reviews of your own)You started out wonderful. Please keep it that way...!
Response: As I said, I'm probably going to start multiple entries/multiple days per-chapter and continue making third-person story elements an integral part of the story telling. Just lately I've gotten a bit lazy writing the chapters, that plus I'm relating to the start of the summer, and in real life, the summer starts out really slow and there isn't much to speak about event-wise. I'm just adding a touch of reality, if you will. But, of course, that is no excuse. I could've still added more entries about the boring events, and that I will in this chapter.
June 6th, 2003:
Dear Diary,
I probably had nothing to worry about. I just got all worked up over nothing, Ranma's okay with the whole thing…although I'm still not sure about myself being okay with it…in any case, I should stop worrying about it, as Ranma said, at least until closer to the wedding. He also said we should probably just start talking about it like it is going to happen, especially considering that it's looking like it might actually happen. I mean, Ranma and I have managed to get along pretty good so far, hell, I even seem to care about his welfare, and only after a little less than a couple weeks. How is that even possible? I think I just went insane that day, or something…I don't know. It used to be so easy, just hating him, but now I don't know what I feel at all, just that I can probably rule out hate now-been there, done that, got the official "I Hate Ranma" T-Shirt. At least I still have a sense of humor, that's good to know. Well, tomorrow Ranma's going to go see Kuno at Ukyo's restaurant, I hope it goes well. Meanwhile, the summer's getting off to it's traditional slow start, and I'm bored as hell, and all my confused feelings aren't helping either because all I ever get to do is try sorting them out. Maybe I should get some practice in today, destroy a few concrete bricks, or perhaps play some video games…watch some movies, just do SOMETHING with all this free time.
Sincerely, Akane Tendo
June 7th, 2003:
Lunch with Kuno:
"First things first, I have to admit to having searched through your room…that will help to explain the nature of some of the questions I am about to ask you." Kuno said.
"Let me guess, Nabiki gave you the key?" Ranma asked in reply.
"Yes, actually…"
"Go figure."
"Well, I was looking for anything that might link you with black magic, I believe you are aware of my suspicions."
"Yes, quite."
"Well I did not find anything, and Nabiki assured me that you were not informed in advance. I had little reason not to believe her."
"Well, if anything, Nabiki rarely ever lies, she hides the truth whenever she can, and does things without permission, but I don't recall too many instances of her lying…then again, there was…well, okay, maybe a few times. But more often than not, she tells the truth."
"Indeed. But what I came here to ask, well, the main thing I came her to inquire about is why you have so many women's clothes in your closet? I have thought many ill things of you, but I never thought you'd be a cross-dresser, that is, until my recent discovery."
"They're not my clothes, they're my sister's." Ranma said, having been preparing for such a question since Kuno said he'd looked through his room.
"You're sister's? I wasn't aware you had…"
"You've met her before, the 'tree borne kettle girl'."
"She is your sister?! So it was brotherly protection that made you dislike my relationship with her?"
"Well, that and because she isn't really into guys…"
"How do you mean?"
"You know…"
"You mean she's a-?"
"Yep."
"MY TWO LOVES! BOTH NOW DENIED TO ME! HOW CAN I POSSIBLY-"
BONK!
Kuno got a firm hit to the head with a frying pan.
"Thanks, I think I needed that…"
"You're quite welcome. Here's your lunch." Ukyo said, handing them their plates.
"I guess since I'm going to Tokyo soon, I'll just have to let it go…"
"Ukyo must've bonked you on the head pretty good…"
"No, I've been preparing for this moment since I graduated. Sometimes I think I haven't prepared well enough, and perhaps I haven't. Nonetheless, I have to face reality…"
"AND IT'S ABOUT DAMN TI-"
BONK!
"Ow…what'd you do that for?"
"For not being very polite."
"You don't discriminate, do you?"
BONK!
"OW! OKAY! OKAY! I'm sorry!"
"I think I feel much better now…" Kuno said.
"I wish I could say the same…"
"I any case, I wish you, Akane, and your sister only the best…although as for my own sister, well, I've already spoken with her…I doubt she'll be too much of a problem, she's also going to Tokyo U this coming fall."
"It's almost too easy…"
"Well, I must go now. Farewell."
With that, Kuno got up and left, without another word.
June 7th, 2003: Kuno never even ate anything, that's the weird part…aside from the fact that all he seemed to want to know was about the girls' clothing I have in my closet. I told him a half-truth, said they belonged to my sister, and also told him my sister wasn't into guys…not sure what the term is for that, but I think he got the gist of it. He's totally moving on, maybe just thanks to a good bonk on the head by Ukyo, then I got a couple as well for quote, "being rude,". Whether I deserved that or not is beyond the point. The point is, Kuno and his sister now seem to be out of the picture, and Ukyo as well. I managed to also talk her into teaching Akane how to cook properly, which I hope is not going to be an impossible task, otherwise we'll either have to continue living with our parents (which seems to be what they expect us to do, anyway, but…), or hire our own cook. Both options don't sound too pleasing, so I'm hoping this plan is going to work. The ease of everything is starting to scare me, but then I have to remember that the whole plan could still go wrong in lots of different places, so the challenge is keeping it all running smoothly. As far as the feelings I have for Akane right now, I'm not sure, and I doubt Akane is either. All either of us know is that it's very different from the way things were before.
Author's Conclusion: I hope I made the chapter long enough. It's about five pages, including the reviews, but I think that's about average for my chapter lengths even early on. I'll try to keep it up, and also the entries will probably discuss a lot more because each covers a longer period of time now.
Your story is pretty interesting, but the chapters are too short and it's becoming disjointed as a result. I don't mind you replying to reviews and what not, but you should take it as a warning sign when your replies are taking up more room than the new story.rnrnAt any rate, I am interested to see where you take this, but I suggest that you resist posting two paragraphs as a new chapter. I would much rather wait a few days to get 7 or 8 pages then to get this one page at a time.
Response: Well, the story is really starting to slow down after the roller coaster start. I've never really been good with writing decent-sized chapters. Usually, my maximum is around three or so pages, and a few chapters have no shown reviews. Currently, there aren't very many eventful things going on, which means that if anything, I may have to resort to having multiple days' entries in a single chapter
Gohan22:
Dont make akane bisexual!Thats just wrong,even if she does not care about ranma's girl side.
Response: Firstly, please do not ask me to do such a thing again, I will not change it beyond what I've already changed (i.e. her not being incredibly bisexual). Just trust me, this is going to play an important role later on in the story, as I believe I mentioned before, and as I also think I mentioned before, I cannot and will not remove key parts from the plot just to satisfy, and especially just one reader. If I were to change it, it would make a particularly dramatic part of the story not be possible, and that's all I'm going to say because I'd rather not spoil it and by constantly complaining about Akane's sexual orientation, you're pushing me to do so, so please don't!
Mary:
Ok Akane saying all the stuff she's said makes more sense now. And you got it right about how dense Ranma is. I think it's cute how he spells bisexual "buysexual." Nice touch.
Response: Well, I read somewhere that Ranma was training for about ten years of his life, although some kind of education must've taken place because he would otherwise have no gotten into that situation with Ryouga. I think it may have been a fan fiction I read it in…I'm not entirely sure, so it may not even be accurate. But in any case it shows that more of his life was spent in training than in school, hence although he is perfectly capable of learning, he just hasn't been taught that much.
Soju:
Eh, well I'm not sure if you're still writing this fic, but anyways, whatever.rnAbout your questions on the spelling for Ryouga (you can tell already which one I prefer) I am inclined to think that romanization with the 'u' is probably more correct. And Ukyo.. well... do people actually spell Ukyo differently?rnKenpo, Kempo, doesn't really matter. I use Ken instead of Kem, because ken is the typical way to say fist/sword alone, and I don't see a whole lot of people saying kemshin, or shoryuukem or anything like that, using an example from Rurouni Ke(n)shin and Street Fighter respectively. Also, its practically always ken and not kem when used alone.rnAbout Akane's sexual preference, her being bisexual is nothing original, just sparse, and her being heterosexual is just basic assumption on the part of the majority of fanfic writers (at least who write Ranma/Akane, and also for non-lemon writers). It being cannon though... well... like the other guy said, sexuality (for Akane at least) isn't cannon. I was actually thinking of writing a Ranma fic, where there is a scene where Akane is comparing her sexuality to handedness. The majority of people are right-handed (straight people), some are left-handed (gay/lesbian people) and some are ambidexterous, (bisexuals). I was having Akane thinking of herself as ambisinister (of course meaning having practically no coordination, and there ARE people who have both hands function about as well as normal people's bad hand.) So she had practically no sexuality, not being especially attracted to either gender. It is also my belief that she has a very hard time thinking about being in an intimate situation with _anyone_, and would probably have to be sort of... trying to find an appropriate way to describe it (and failing quite horribly, as a 14 year old I don't have the vocabulary of someone older) led around the idea of being intimate with (Ranma/anyone else) like people who are extremely shy and need counseling to adjust to being around people.rnAnd finally to the subject of your writing -- I have only two major issues with it. In the scene where Akane went to Ranma's room during a thunderstorm, and yelled at herself, or more particularly, the normal voices in your head (I sure _hope_ their normal..) I was kinda confused about who exactly she was yelling at, and had to re-read it. Then again that could just be my problem with reading to fast. The second - your chapters are getting shorter and shorter! Come on man seriously... The actual story parts are getting about the size as 1/4th of a normal sized chapter (in my preference).rnSeeing as how this is the longest review I've ever written, even considering it's for 20k (or about 13k of story), I'm submitting it before I continue ranting into the night.rnPlease excuse any spelling mistakes as a result of this.rnHeh.
Response: She's yelling at the voices in her head, the "devil" and "angel" Akanes, if you will. Kind of like the "devil" and "angel" versions of Excel in Excel Saga. Also like the ones I think I remember seeing in at least one episode of the sitcom Full House. It's a stereotypical thing, but I didn't really play on it as a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, because it's so cliché. Rather, that's how you should look at it as far as what the voices are saying.
The voice that said "Now that's the spirit!" was the angel voice, and Akane was responding to it, even though Ranma could obviously not hear it. That's why he thought she was going nuts…well, part of why he thought she was going nuts.
On the subject of Akane, it's kind of true, and it may be something I'll play with a bit more about Akane's psyche. How she's afraid of getting close to someone, yet she seems to be getting closer and closer to Ranma and how that starts to frighten her or something like that.
Soju:
One more thing however, I feel I have to say...rnI suck at Virtua Fighter. I broke my PS2 controller by throwing it against the ground after repeatedly losing ranking kumite matches.rnThen again, I'm the king of Tekken. Seriously. I can wavedash easily.
Response: Yes, I can beat Tekken 4 with all of the characters (on Easy mode, mind you), albeit after doing my Chester Bennington impersonation (he's the vocalist for Linkin Park, for you people who aren't as ridiculously big fans of them as I am, he likes to scream), and focusing my hatred of the final boss's diaper costume in order to beat him. lol
Alanna: The way you arrange your writings is getting on my nerve. I'd rather get on with the story than figuring out where the actual story starts. (And it's getting shorter everyday as you spend more and more time than making reviews of your own)You started out wonderful. Please keep it that way...!
Response: As I said, I'm probably going to start multiple entries/multiple days per-chapter and continue making third-person story elements an integral part of the story telling. Just lately I've gotten a bit lazy writing the chapters, that plus I'm relating to the start of the summer, and in real life, the summer starts out really slow and there isn't much to speak about event-wise. I'm just adding a touch of reality, if you will. But, of course, that is no excuse. I could've still added more entries about the boring events, and that I will in this chapter.
June 6th, 2003:
Dear Diary,
I probably had nothing to worry about. I just got all worked up over nothing, Ranma's okay with the whole thing…although I'm still not sure about myself being okay with it…in any case, I should stop worrying about it, as Ranma said, at least until closer to the wedding. He also said we should probably just start talking about it like it is going to happen, especially considering that it's looking like it might actually happen. I mean, Ranma and I have managed to get along pretty good so far, hell, I even seem to care about his welfare, and only after a little less than a couple weeks. How is that even possible? I think I just went insane that day, or something…I don't know. It used to be so easy, just hating him, but now I don't know what I feel at all, just that I can probably rule out hate now-been there, done that, got the official "I Hate Ranma" T-Shirt. At least I still have a sense of humor, that's good to know. Well, tomorrow Ranma's going to go see Kuno at Ukyo's restaurant, I hope it goes well. Meanwhile, the summer's getting off to it's traditional slow start, and I'm bored as hell, and all my confused feelings aren't helping either because all I ever get to do is try sorting them out. Maybe I should get some practice in today, destroy a few concrete bricks, or perhaps play some video games…watch some movies, just do SOMETHING with all this free time.
Sincerely, Akane Tendo
June 7th, 2003:
Lunch with Kuno:
"First things first, I have to admit to having searched through your room…that will help to explain the nature of some of the questions I am about to ask you." Kuno said.
"Let me guess, Nabiki gave you the key?" Ranma asked in reply.
"Yes, actually…"
"Go figure."
"Well, I was looking for anything that might link you with black magic, I believe you are aware of my suspicions."
"Yes, quite."
"Well I did not find anything, and Nabiki assured me that you were not informed in advance. I had little reason not to believe her."
"Well, if anything, Nabiki rarely ever lies, she hides the truth whenever she can, and does things without permission, but I don't recall too many instances of her lying…then again, there was…well, okay, maybe a few times. But more often than not, she tells the truth."
"Indeed. But what I came here to ask, well, the main thing I came her to inquire about is why you have so many women's clothes in your closet? I have thought many ill things of you, but I never thought you'd be a cross-dresser, that is, until my recent discovery."
"They're not my clothes, they're my sister's." Ranma said, having been preparing for such a question since Kuno said he'd looked through his room.
"You're sister's? I wasn't aware you had…"
"You've met her before, the 'tree borne kettle girl'."
"She is your sister?! So it was brotherly protection that made you dislike my relationship with her?"
"Well, that and because she isn't really into guys…"
"How do you mean?"
"You know…"
"You mean she's a-?"
"Yep."
"MY TWO LOVES! BOTH NOW DENIED TO ME! HOW CAN I POSSIBLY-"
BONK!
Kuno got a firm hit to the head with a frying pan.
"Thanks, I think I needed that…"
"You're quite welcome. Here's your lunch." Ukyo said, handing them their plates.
"I guess since I'm going to Tokyo soon, I'll just have to let it go…"
"Ukyo must've bonked you on the head pretty good…"
"No, I've been preparing for this moment since I graduated. Sometimes I think I haven't prepared well enough, and perhaps I haven't. Nonetheless, I have to face reality…"
"AND IT'S ABOUT DAMN TI-"
BONK!
"Ow…what'd you do that for?"
"For not being very polite."
"You don't discriminate, do you?"
BONK!
"OW! OKAY! OKAY! I'm sorry!"
"I think I feel much better now…" Kuno said.
"I wish I could say the same…"
"I any case, I wish you, Akane, and your sister only the best…although as for my own sister, well, I've already spoken with her…I doubt she'll be too much of a problem, she's also going to Tokyo U this coming fall."
"It's almost too easy…"
"Well, I must go now. Farewell."
With that, Kuno got up and left, without another word.
June 7th, 2003: Kuno never even ate anything, that's the weird part…aside from the fact that all he seemed to want to know was about the girls' clothing I have in my closet. I told him a half-truth, said they belonged to my sister, and also told him my sister wasn't into guys…not sure what the term is for that, but I think he got the gist of it. He's totally moving on, maybe just thanks to a good bonk on the head by Ukyo, then I got a couple as well for quote, "being rude,". Whether I deserved that or not is beyond the point. The point is, Kuno and his sister now seem to be out of the picture, and Ukyo as well. I managed to also talk her into teaching Akane how to cook properly, which I hope is not going to be an impossible task, otherwise we'll either have to continue living with our parents (which seems to be what they expect us to do, anyway, but…), or hire our own cook. Both options don't sound too pleasing, so I'm hoping this plan is going to work. The ease of everything is starting to scare me, but then I have to remember that the whole plan could still go wrong in lots of different places, so the challenge is keeping it all running smoothly. As far as the feelings I have for Akane right now, I'm not sure, and I doubt Akane is either. All either of us know is that it's very different from the way things were before.
Author's Conclusion: I hope I made the chapter long enough. It's about five pages, including the reviews, but I think that's about average for my chapter lengths even early on. I'll try to keep it up, and also the entries will probably discuss a lot more because each covers a longer period of time now.