Coyotegurl: Another concern about Akane being "bisexual"
Response: I just might stop responding to these comments at all, not that I don't like them, just that I grow tired of over and over again explaining that this is key to a moment that takes place.and to be exact now-in chapter 24. Yes, in chapter 24 the fact that Akane is somewhat bisexual will come into play as a dramatic non-lemon element. With that said, I will not make any further responses unless there's something specific I want to address.
Phantom Crossing: Hmm...fantastic. Exquisite. Supperb even. Ranma playing FF XI...classic...The whole Akane bi sub thingy is okay for dramatic affect. Overall very creative, much liked, and I can't wait to read more!
Response: Yeah.it's hard to not post the whole thing, so hard in fact that I'm not even bothering. I don't think I'll ever do anything too descriptive about Final Fantasy XI, because frankly, it hasn't been released in the united states and despite being well-informed about certain aspects of the game world, I don't know nearly enough about actually playing it. That plus I haven't really played that many MMORPGs in my lifetime to fully understand the experience. Really, I was just paying homage to my favorite RPG series of all time. And yes, the whole bi thing, as I mentioned before, is a dramatic element that will come into play about four chapters from now. I'm still working on the events that will lead up to it, but I'm pretty sure about the events that will happen afterwards.
Relezite:
Issue #1: Daily updates a problem?
Response: I do, as I've mentioned. The first few parts were completely written out on paper, and everything from here is specifically laid out in a kind of outline I've written for the story. Some things are a bit spontaneous, like the fun and games day, but the rest is very carefully done.
Issue #2: Third-Person parts being mostly dialog.
Response: The story, in its written draft, consisted almost entirely of the journal entries. The first "third-person-event" was the dance, originally, but I decided to write more third-person parts because I felt that they would more character interaction to the story. Basically, yes, it is VERY dialogue-oriented, in fact, I probably should've just given it a script-type format, but I really wanted to put some description in when I felt it necessary.
Issue #3: When one character writes something in his/her journal/diary the other should not know about it. "Does Ranma actually know how to dance?"- (Akane Entry 5) and "...and yeah, I can dance, by the way." -(Ranma Entry 6)
Response: I believe this is because between the two entries there was a dialog between the two characters regarding whether or not the other could dance. I'll probably go back when I'm finished with the story and make various revisions, and perhaps even more after I have my big Ranma marathon. If I find this to be terribly unclear, I'll be sure to change it.
Issue #4: Character dialog, characters speaking twice and not being mentioned that it's the same character speaking(I hope I put that the right way).
Response: Another thing I'll be certain to change if I find anything while revising.
Issue #5: Voice inflection, facial expressions, and even eye movements are important to setting the mood and tempo of the story.
Response: This is something I use a few times, as I sort of intoned before, I'm very light on description, mainly because I feel it's only needed when there's something to describe, that I want the reader to know about or be aware of. Any other kinds of descriptions I'd consider to be extraneous.
Issue #6: Characters have little temper, and the CD I ordered, Akane already knowing she "loves" Ranma.
Response: Actually, I just said that I ordered it, I have yet to receive it. If Akane DOES know she's in love, then this is one MAJOR character difference that goes with the whole "slightly alternate universe" thing, because her not knowing for sure is, of course, key to the character development in the story. Also, you brought up the issue that Akane just slapping Ryouga and then forgiving him was more Nadoka-like. Yet perhaps it is one reason why Ranma's starting to like Akane, because in some Freudian sense she is starting to seem more and more like his mother, who he deep down in his psychosis wants to marry. Then again, I think Freud was doing crack when he came up with most of his theories, so that's probably not entirely accurate.
Issue #7: Shampoo making out with Mousse, if you think about how she acts in the show/manga, is completely out of character.
Response: She's just going for very DESPERATE measures to make Ranma jealous, not realizing, of course, that Ranma has very little interest in her at all. It's a little different from how she'd probably normally act (but it seems that ALL of the characters have been toned-down violence- wise).
Issue #8: Mousse not reacting with total bliss at it (see issue #7).
Response: Well, he does, but that's kind of a given, I felt.and it's hard to see how he's reacting from Akane and Ranma's angle.
Issue #9: Adding conflict.
Response: CONFLICT, is coming up in the already infamous Chapter 24.
Issue #10: Cultural references.
Response: This is just some things, mainly my own interests being inserted into the story, but it's almost the only way to make this any more interesting. I guess I could say they were playing A video game, watching A DVD, or playing A role-playing game, or listening to A J-Pop artist. However, if you look close enough, the cultural references are tools being used to develop the characters. Sure, there are other ways to develop characters, I suppose.but I just think that it's fun and goes with the somewhat light-hearted nature I'm trying to give the story.
Issue #11: The age-old complaint about the responses taking more space than the story.
Response: The story, in general, is pretty good size, I try to get around five to six pages including the review responses, per chapter. Although I don't feel this is a minimum or a maximum. I just type up what I have planned to happen in the chapter, add anything else that I come up with to happen, and when I get through the week of entries, there's the chapter.
Author's Note: I may make a VERY important update to chapter 19 regarding a misprinted date: July 21st, 2003 should've been July 28th. Sorry 'bout that.
July 1st, 2003:
Dear Diary,
Ranma and I are going to a movie on Wednesday, I think I may have mentioned it before, the new Matrix movie, it's been in the theaters awhile, but we haven't gotten the chance to see it yet. That plus supposedly going to a movie is a key dating thing, although usually for certain reasons which are not really the reasons we're going. We're just going to enjoy a movie together, that's it, maybe holding hands or something, but no making-out, at all, that's the big rule, I haven't established it with Ranma but I feel it's already established by default, anyway. He can't do anything unless I SPECIFICALLY give him permission to be able to do it. Right now, I don't think that'll be a problem, though. Okay, now for the usual training updates, both are going just peachy. I've started making some more advanced stuff like spaghetti, and so far Ukyo hasn't needed to use her food-poisoning vaccines. So with that said, things are going okay.
The next day, after the movie, in the video arcade:
"I challenge you to a DDR Max game, Ranma!" a voice said.
"Ryouga!" Ranma replied, after turning around to see who it was.
"If you lose, you call the wedding off."
"Wait a second, I thought.?" Ranma said, confused.
"You obviously thought wrong."
"Well, the wedding can't be called off until August." Ranma mentioned.
"You can call it off then."
"Look, this is absolutely ridiculous you guys!" Akane said, "The only reason we'd be calling it off is if we think it won't work out, and right now, it looks like it is going to work out. If that changes, we'll let you know."
"Well, if Ranma thinks he'll lose."
"Hey, I don't lose."
"Well PROVE IT."
"I WILL!"
"RANMA!"
"Don't worry, I won't lose."
Ranma stepped into the both, the shrine, and planted his feet firmly on the arrow pads. Ryouga did as well. Ryouga had apparently gotten a big bag of change so he inserted the coins. The game started and their feet became a blur of motion, making precise movements based on the directions on the screen. In the end, Ranma just barely lost.
"Best two out of three!" Ranma shouted.
Ryouga inserted more coins, several complex feet movements later, Ranma lost again.
"Best three out of five!"
More coins, and another loss.
"Best four out of-"
"Wait a second, let me try." Akane said.
"That wasn't the deal!" Ryouga said.
"Well, let's change the deal, and raise the stakes a bit. If I beat you, best three out of five, you'll promise to leave us alone from this point out. If you win, the wedding will be called off like the deal before, and I'll let you kiss me-once, and ONLY once. If you kiss me more than once, or for too long, the entire deal's off, and I will get the opportunity to personally kill you, or at least cripple you."
"Akane.are you sure?" Ranma asked nervously.
"Trust me."
"Alright, it's a deal." Ryouga said.
Then he eagerly inserted enough coins for at least three games, figuring that'd be all he needed, and he was right. The game started and Akane's feet were moving so fast it was like they weren't even there at all. As much as Ryouga tried to keep up, he just couldn't, and two more rounds latter, we was completely and utterly beaten-by a girl.
As Akane got off the dance pads, Ranma gave her a high five, and Ryouga lay unconscious in front of the game screen, completely worn out from the game.
July 2nd, 2003: I thought that Ryouga had already given up on trying to stop me and Akane. Perhaps he was just recuperating from that slap she gave him. I had no idea that Akane was that good at DDR Max, then again, I didn't know much about her until just a little over a month ago. The movie was good, although both Akane and I thought they kinda overdid it with the fight sequences, but we loved their anime-inspired soundtrack. Then we went to the arcade and that's where Ryouga showed up and challenged me to DDR, I lost every time and kept on pushing for best two out of three, three out of five, etc. Then Akane stepped in and said she'd let him kiss her if he beat her, and basically it was the same deal of us calling off the wedding which would've happened if I had lost, which I did, but then Akane came in and changed the deal somewhat. We probably would've not had a problem if Akane had lost, because Akane could say he kissed her too long and call the entire "deal" off, then pulverize Ryouga, as she had also promised to do if he kissed her too long. Of course, he didn't get the chance to kiss her at all, because Akane won every one of the three rounds in the three out of five game. Ryouga was too dim-witted to think about the whole "kissing too long" thing and how that could work to our advantage if he actually won, but just as well. I just hope he'll keep his end of the deal and stop bothering us.
July 4th, 2003:
Dear Diary,
The movie was pretty good, although completely confusing, and afterwards I totally kicked Ryouga's ass at DDR Max. I don't think he'll be bothering us much anymore. He had this whole stupid idea of challenging Ranma and making this whole deal about calling the wedding off. Anyway, it's all over now, and I won, of course. It's a pretty long story, so I won't go into any further details. I've done some Mac & Cheese with Ukyo, which is pretty easy, just reading the instructions off the box, but it's still good to know. We may get to making meals pretty soon. Mousse's training's supposed to wrap up next week, and after that, he plans on going to fight Shampoo. I'll wish him luck when the time comes.
Sincerely, Akane Tendo
July 5th, 2003: Today was our second fun and games day, and we spent it this time playing Risk. Akane completely conquered the world, once again proving that she's better than me at nearly everything except real martial arts. Of course, Risk is a game of logic and I don't exactly have that characteristic in abundance. I guess it really doesn't matter who wins, because I had a lot of fun losing. It was really just getting to talk to Akane that's the highlight of just about every time I'm with her. To think that before communication was the low-point of our relationship, and now it's the high point, that's really something, I guess. Next week, though, I'm going to be putting maybe a little more of that competitive spirit of mine into whichever game we end up playing.
Author's conclusion: So there you have it, a scene with conflict AND a cultural reference all in one. lol I had written in my outline about a scene in a video arcade, but I never really thought about what would happen until I started writing it. Then I came up with the idea of Ryouga's challenge and it just went off from there. Well, that's six pages, folks, I'd say a pretty decent chapter. Once again, I hope you enjoyed it.
Response: I just might stop responding to these comments at all, not that I don't like them, just that I grow tired of over and over again explaining that this is key to a moment that takes place.and to be exact now-in chapter 24. Yes, in chapter 24 the fact that Akane is somewhat bisexual will come into play as a dramatic non-lemon element. With that said, I will not make any further responses unless there's something specific I want to address.
Phantom Crossing: Hmm...fantastic. Exquisite. Supperb even. Ranma playing FF XI...classic...The whole Akane bi sub thingy is okay for dramatic affect. Overall very creative, much liked, and I can't wait to read more!
Response: Yeah.it's hard to not post the whole thing, so hard in fact that I'm not even bothering. I don't think I'll ever do anything too descriptive about Final Fantasy XI, because frankly, it hasn't been released in the united states and despite being well-informed about certain aspects of the game world, I don't know nearly enough about actually playing it. That plus I haven't really played that many MMORPGs in my lifetime to fully understand the experience. Really, I was just paying homage to my favorite RPG series of all time. And yes, the whole bi thing, as I mentioned before, is a dramatic element that will come into play about four chapters from now. I'm still working on the events that will lead up to it, but I'm pretty sure about the events that will happen afterwards.
Relezite:
Issue #1: Daily updates a problem?
Response: I do, as I've mentioned. The first few parts were completely written out on paper, and everything from here is specifically laid out in a kind of outline I've written for the story. Some things are a bit spontaneous, like the fun and games day, but the rest is very carefully done.
Issue #2: Third-Person parts being mostly dialog.
Response: The story, in its written draft, consisted almost entirely of the journal entries. The first "third-person-event" was the dance, originally, but I decided to write more third-person parts because I felt that they would more character interaction to the story. Basically, yes, it is VERY dialogue-oriented, in fact, I probably should've just given it a script-type format, but I really wanted to put some description in when I felt it necessary.
Issue #3: When one character writes something in his/her journal/diary the other should not know about it. "Does Ranma actually know how to dance?"- (Akane Entry 5) and "...and yeah, I can dance, by the way." -(Ranma Entry 6)
Response: I believe this is because between the two entries there was a dialog between the two characters regarding whether or not the other could dance. I'll probably go back when I'm finished with the story and make various revisions, and perhaps even more after I have my big Ranma marathon. If I find this to be terribly unclear, I'll be sure to change it.
Issue #4: Character dialog, characters speaking twice and not being mentioned that it's the same character speaking(I hope I put that the right way).
Response: Another thing I'll be certain to change if I find anything while revising.
Issue #5: Voice inflection, facial expressions, and even eye movements are important to setting the mood and tempo of the story.
Response: This is something I use a few times, as I sort of intoned before, I'm very light on description, mainly because I feel it's only needed when there's something to describe, that I want the reader to know about or be aware of. Any other kinds of descriptions I'd consider to be extraneous.
Issue #6: Characters have little temper, and the CD I ordered, Akane already knowing she "loves" Ranma.
Response: Actually, I just said that I ordered it, I have yet to receive it. If Akane DOES know she's in love, then this is one MAJOR character difference that goes with the whole "slightly alternate universe" thing, because her not knowing for sure is, of course, key to the character development in the story. Also, you brought up the issue that Akane just slapping Ryouga and then forgiving him was more Nadoka-like. Yet perhaps it is one reason why Ranma's starting to like Akane, because in some Freudian sense she is starting to seem more and more like his mother, who he deep down in his psychosis wants to marry. Then again, I think Freud was doing crack when he came up with most of his theories, so that's probably not entirely accurate.
Issue #7: Shampoo making out with Mousse, if you think about how she acts in the show/manga, is completely out of character.
Response: She's just going for very DESPERATE measures to make Ranma jealous, not realizing, of course, that Ranma has very little interest in her at all. It's a little different from how she'd probably normally act (but it seems that ALL of the characters have been toned-down violence- wise).
Issue #8: Mousse not reacting with total bliss at it (see issue #7).
Response: Well, he does, but that's kind of a given, I felt.and it's hard to see how he's reacting from Akane and Ranma's angle.
Issue #9: Adding conflict.
Response: CONFLICT, is coming up in the already infamous Chapter 24.
Issue #10: Cultural references.
Response: This is just some things, mainly my own interests being inserted into the story, but it's almost the only way to make this any more interesting. I guess I could say they were playing A video game, watching A DVD, or playing A role-playing game, or listening to A J-Pop artist. However, if you look close enough, the cultural references are tools being used to develop the characters. Sure, there are other ways to develop characters, I suppose.but I just think that it's fun and goes with the somewhat light-hearted nature I'm trying to give the story.
Issue #11: The age-old complaint about the responses taking more space than the story.
Response: The story, in general, is pretty good size, I try to get around five to six pages including the review responses, per chapter. Although I don't feel this is a minimum or a maximum. I just type up what I have planned to happen in the chapter, add anything else that I come up with to happen, and when I get through the week of entries, there's the chapter.
Author's Note: I may make a VERY important update to chapter 19 regarding a misprinted date: July 21st, 2003 should've been July 28th. Sorry 'bout that.
July 1st, 2003:
Dear Diary,
Ranma and I are going to a movie on Wednesday, I think I may have mentioned it before, the new Matrix movie, it's been in the theaters awhile, but we haven't gotten the chance to see it yet. That plus supposedly going to a movie is a key dating thing, although usually for certain reasons which are not really the reasons we're going. We're just going to enjoy a movie together, that's it, maybe holding hands or something, but no making-out, at all, that's the big rule, I haven't established it with Ranma but I feel it's already established by default, anyway. He can't do anything unless I SPECIFICALLY give him permission to be able to do it. Right now, I don't think that'll be a problem, though. Okay, now for the usual training updates, both are going just peachy. I've started making some more advanced stuff like spaghetti, and so far Ukyo hasn't needed to use her food-poisoning vaccines. So with that said, things are going okay.
The next day, after the movie, in the video arcade:
"I challenge you to a DDR Max game, Ranma!" a voice said.
"Ryouga!" Ranma replied, after turning around to see who it was.
"If you lose, you call the wedding off."
"Wait a second, I thought.?" Ranma said, confused.
"You obviously thought wrong."
"Well, the wedding can't be called off until August." Ranma mentioned.
"You can call it off then."
"Look, this is absolutely ridiculous you guys!" Akane said, "The only reason we'd be calling it off is if we think it won't work out, and right now, it looks like it is going to work out. If that changes, we'll let you know."
"Well, if Ranma thinks he'll lose."
"Hey, I don't lose."
"Well PROVE IT."
"I WILL!"
"RANMA!"
"Don't worry, I won't lose."
Ranma stepped into the both, the shrine, and planted his feet firmly on the arrow pads. Ryouga did as well. Ryouga had apparently gotten a big bag of change so he inserted the coins. The game started and their feet became a blur of motion, making precise movements based on the directions on the screen. In the end, Ranma just barely lost.
"Best two out of three!" Ranma shouted.
Ryouga inserted more coins, several complex feet movements later, Ranma lost again.
"Best three out of five!"
More coins, and another loss.
"Best four out of-"
"Wait a second, let me try." Akane said.
"That wasn't the deal!" Ryouga said.
"Well, let's change the deal, and raise the stakes a bit. If I beat you, best three out of five, you'll promise to leave us alone from this point out. If you win, the wedding will be called off like the deal before, and I'll let you kiss me-once, and ONLY once. If you kiss me more than once, or for too long, the entire deal's off, and I will get the opportunity to personally kill you, or at least cripple you."
"Akane.are you sure?" Ranma asked nervously.
"Trust me."
"Alright, it's a deal." Ryouga said.
Then he eagerly inserted enough coins for at least three games, figuring that'd be all he needed, and he was right. The game started and Akane's feet were moving so fast it was like they weren't even there at all. As much as Ryouga tried to keep up, he just couldn't, and two more rounds latter, we was completely and utterly beaten-by a girl.
As Akane got off the dance pads, Ranma gave her a high five, and Ryouga lay unconscious in front of the game screen, completely worn out from the game.
July 2nd, 2003: I thought that Ryouga had already given up on trying to stop me and Akane. Perhaps he was just recuperating from that slap she gave him. I had no idea that Akane was that good at DDR Max, then again, I didn't know much about her until just a little over a month ago. The movie was good, although both Akane and I thought they kinda overdid it with the fight sequences, but we loved their anime-inspired soundtrack. Then we went to the arcade and that's where Ryouga showed up and challenged me to DDR, I lost every time and kept on pushing for best two out of three, three out of five, etc. Then Akane stepped in and said she'd let him kiss her if he beat her, and basically it was the same deal of us calling off the wedding which would've happened if I had lost, which I did, but then Akane came in and changed the deal somewhat. We probably would've not had a problem if Akane had lost, because Akane could say he kissed her too long and call the entire "deal" off, then pulverize Ryouga, as she had also promised to do if he kissed her too long. Of course, he didn't get the chance to kiss her at all, because Akane won every one of the three rounds in the three out of five game. Ryouga was too dim-witted to think about the whole "kissing too long" thing and how that could work to our advantage if he actually won, but just as well. I just hope he'll keep his end of the deal and stop bothering us.
July 4th, 2003:
Dear Diary,
The movie was pretty good, although completely confusing, and afterwards I totally kicked Ryouga's ass at DDR Max. I don't think he'll be bothering us much anymore. He had this whole stupid idea of challenging Ranma and making this whole deal about calling the wedding off. Anyway, it's all over now, and I won, of course. It's a pretty long story, so I won't go into any further details. I've done some Mac & Cheese with Ukyo, which is pretty easy, just reading the instructions off the box, but it's still good to know. We may get to making meals pretty soon. Mousse's training's supposed to wrap up next week, and after that, he plans on going to fight Shampoo. I'll wish him luck when the time comes.
Sincerely, Akane Tendo
July 5th, 2003: Today was our second fun and games day, and we spent it this time playing Risk. Akane completely conquered the world, once again proving that she's better than me at nearly everything except real martial arts. Of course, Risk is a game of logic and I don't exactly have that characteristic in abundance. I guess it really doesn't matter who wins, because I had a lot of fun losing. It was really just getting to talk to Akane that's the highlight of just about every time I'm with her. To think that before communication was the low-point of our relationship, and now it's the high point, that's really something, I guess. Next week, though, I'm going to be putting maybe a little more of that competitive spirit of mine into whichever game we end up playing.
Author's conclusion: So there you have it, a scene with conflict AND a cultural reference all in one. lol I had written in my outline about a scene in a video arcade, but I never really thought about what would happen until I started writing it. Then I came up with the idea of Ryouga's challenge and it just went off from there. Well, that's six pages, folks, I'd say a pretty decent chapter. Once again, I hope you enjoyed it.