Disclaimer – I don't own Pokemon.
Sorry this took a while but I was at camp which thouroughly sucked. Hands up anyone who wants to spend four days surrounded by sheep . . . that's what I thought . . . I can't see your hands.
Anyway thanks for all the reviews, I still can't believe I got so many.
Reasons of the Heart – Something Like You
Misty.
Ash sighed. It was at least the tenth time he had written her name on the page in the last five minutes. Right now he was trying to figure out what the point was of even having a journal if all you did was write the same name over and over again until it was etched into his memory. Not that it wasn't already there.
He had opened his journal the moment he got back to his room. His mind was bursting with questions and thoughts and he felt the need to put them down on paper, to put them into some order and language he could understand before his head exploded into millions of tiny fragments.
His mom had urged him to start keeping a journal when he first started his journey all those years ago. And he had.
It was a lot easier then. Most of the entries consisted of all the "cool" Pokemon he saw and the annoying little redhead that followed him around and all the things that annoyed him about her. Then he started to like his annoying little redhead and the same things that had filled his pages under a title of 'Why Misty Waterflower is the most annoying person in the entire universe' made him like her, her annoying habits, like how she screamed whenever she saw a bug Pokemon, were suddenly cute and funny.
And then he started to love her and there was suddenly less mention of Pokemon and more of Misty until the Pokemon completely disappeared.
Now his pages were filled with Misty. He would write pages and pages on the delicate hue of green in her eyes or the silky feeling of her skin or the enticing shape of her red lips. And sometimes he would just sit there writing her name over and over again.
Misty.
How is it that two simple syllables seem to fit together so perfectly and just capture it all? There's so much going on in my head that it honestly feels like its going to explode any second now, but for almost five minutes all I could do was write her name.
Misty.
It's so perfect. It's beautiful, and kind and strong and all the reasons that I love Misty in one word. There are a lot of those, yet somehow it finds a way to say them all so simply.
How long have I loved her?
Was it eight maybe nine years?
Maybe I always loved her. Maybe my entire life I just loved Misty Waterflower. Maybe I loved her from the moment I was born and I just never realized. Maybe I was in love with her the moment we met, maybe I was just trying to hide it from myself like I tried to hide it from Brock.
I guess the only thing that I really know for certain is that I love her, and I will until the day I die.
There's nothing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned. I'm not complaining; I love to love her.
Okay, I know that that sounds really, really corny but its true. I love loving Misty. I'm not going to start spewing some crap about endorphins and chemical reactions making me feel this way, because I believe in love.
I believe that love is real, that I'm not just getting high on a bunch of chemical reactions stimulating it all. I believe that love is all that it is, that love is love.
I don't really care if people think I'm just being stupid, I believe in love. I believe that what I feel for Misty is as pure as it comes and that I could never stop loving her even for a second. And I believe that five years apart proves it.
I spent five years alone wondering why I had ever let her go, wondering how I could ever live my life with out her. Now I wonder how I ever survived life without her.
In those times I felt as though I had ten thousand tons weighing down my heart. I still strived for the best hoping she would see it and realize exactly why I went to the trouble that she would realize that I was battling for her that the titles were all just to prove something to her.
I'm not quite sure what, maybe it was to prove that I wasn't the stupid twerp she had always told me I was. Maybe it was to show her that she meant that much to me, that she was the reason I was doing it all. Maybe it was just a macho show of male pride. But whatever it was, it was for her.
But that's not the reason that I need to write. Sure its about Misty, it always is, but this is about the present, not the past.
This entry is about me screwing up again, and the simple lack of a future together. What are the chances of her ever forgiving me if I keep doing stupid things like this? All I've accomplished is to freak her out.
It feels as though I'm taking two steps forward and three steps back.
I mean today was great, she wasn't even that angry after the pool thing. I think that we were really connecting again, I felt as though it was like old times, like we were just Ash and Misty again not two separate entities that were rarely left alone in the same room together. It felt perfect, like I'd found it, as if I was exactly where I wanted and all my dreams had come true and I had everything I'd been looking for my entire life.
I guess were kind of like the yin and yang. You know two halves that just seem to fit together perfectly to make one, two people that can't live without the other.
Sure I lived without her, but only just not without taking a little piece of her with me.
When she walked away, well actually if I want to be really honest ran away from me. Anyway, when she ran away from me that day, she took a part of me with her. She took my heart and I always felt like I was empty unless I saw her face.
Now I feel whole again. I feel like . . . I don't know it's so hard to describe. It's confusing, there are all these feelings and they all just seem to be thrown at you at once. I can't distinguish one form another and the only thing that I really know about them is that whatever they are, that Misty's the source.
I feel happier just knowing that she's here. I mean not right next to me or anything, but she's so close I don't have to worry about her getting hurt or anything like I used to. It's like there's a bounce in my step, especially when I'm going to see her, and I feel as though I could fly. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world just to know her but to love her, I feel blessed.
And all that just knowing she's here, maybe not with me, but she's not with anyone else either.
What I really want is for her to be here with me. I know I have to do something really extravagant if I want her to even consider me as an option. Misty is gorgeous, she's most definitely the most stunning girl I've seen in my entire life, she's probably has thousands of guys just throwing themselves at her everyday. I'm trying hard not to let that put me off.
I have something they don't, history. I know Misty better than I know myself and that's how I'm going to prove to her that I love her. I'm going to show her what she means to me.
Now all I need is the means.
I thought about it as I walked back here from her place and I think I've got it, or at least part of it.
That song seemed so familiar. I have a feeling that she didn't just love that song, but I almost remember it being her absolute favorite song. So I'm going to put it to good use.
First though I have to figure out what band it is that sings it. All I have is a tune, two lines and the fact that it was sung by a band she use to listen to when we traveled together. There's also the fact that Brock and I complained about the band so they must have been a boy band (A/N: Clue).
I'm going to make sure I find that song and I'm going to make the ball perfect just for her. It will be a night she'll never forget, I'll make sure of that. I just hope the memories are fond.
Misty is a part of my life that I wouldn't give up for anything and a part that I would do anything for to get back for good. And I will even though I still struggle to believe that she wasn't just a dream.
So many times
I thought I held it in my hands
But just like grains of sand
Love slipped through my fingers
And so many nights
I asked the lord above
Please make me lucky enough
To find a love that lingers
Something keeps telling me
That you could be my answered prayer
You must be heaven sent I swear
Cause something happens when you look at me
I forget to speak
Something happens when you kiss my mouth
My knees get so weak
Could it be true this is what God has meant for me
Cause baby, I can't believe
That something like you
Could happen to me
Something like you
Girl in your eyes
I feel your fire burn
Oh your secrets I will learn
Even if it takes forever
With you by my side
I can do anything
I don't care what tomorrow brings
As long as were together
My heart is telling me
That you could be my meant to be
I know it more each time we touch
Cause something happens when you look at me
I forget to speak
Something happens when you kiss my mouth
My knees get so weak
Could it be true this is what God has meant for me
Cause baby, I can't believe
That something like you
Could happen to me
Something magical
Something spiritual
Something stronger than the two of us apart
Something physical
Something undeniable
Nothing like anything that I've ever known
Cause something happens when you look at me
I forget to speak
Something happens when you kiss my mouth
My knees get so weak
Could it be true this is what God has meant for me
Cause baby, I can't believe
That something like you
Could happen to me
Something happen
Can't believe that you happened to me
('Something like you' by Nsync)
Ash tried to hustle his frat out of the house. They had a meeting in about ten minutes and damn if he was going to be late.
Misty hated tardiness, she couldn't stand being late and it annoyed the heck out of her if anyone else was late. Timing was everything to her and he had less than ten minutes to get thirty something boys over to her sorority house in time.
Ash paused as he heard a phone ring. He rushed to grab knowing that he was probably the only one who wasn't so rushed off his feet that he couldn't answer a phone. It was ten to eleven and at least half the guys had only just gotten out of bed.
"Hello?" Ash asked as he put the phone to his ear.
"Can I please speak to Ash?" a croaky voice asked.
The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on whom it belonged to.
"This is Ash," he replied trying to figure out who it was.
The person on the other end coughed before answering. "Ash its me, Misty," she replied sounding much less than her usual cheerful self.
"Misty, are you ok?" he asked worriedly. "You sound terrible."
"Believe me," she said a slight smile heard in her voice, "I look worse. I think you made me sick."
He could picture her pouting jokingly on the other end; her lips pursed angrily, her arms crossed over her chest and mischief in her eyes.
He laughed at the thought.
"Does this mean it's my turn to storm over and make you soup?" he asked her.
"No," she replied. "You see, unlike somebody I know who shall remain nameless for his sake, I remembered to call and didn't get my scaredy cat friends to do it."
"Does that mean the meetings off?" he asked.
Misty let out a soft giggle in spite of her sickness thanks to his tone. It was immediately followed by a fit of coughing.
"I'll take that as a yes," he replied for her.
"I guess it will have to be," she sighed.
"Well, remember to get lots of rest and liquids," he told her. "And keep nice and warm."
"I'll be sure to remember that doctor Ketchum," she said teasingly.
"You better, or I'll have to come down there and give you a piece of your own medicine," he told her.
She giggled again. "Yes sir," she smiled. "Goodbye Doctor," she teased.
"Goodbye, Myst," he said his tone returning to a more serious one. He put down the phone.
"False alarm," he yelled to the guys. "Misty's sick so the meetings cancelled."
With that they headed back to bed.
Misty sighed as she placed the phone back in its cradle.
She wished he would come over. He could just smile and kiss it all better just like her mom used to do when she was really little.
He was a drug, and she was addicted to him. She didn't blame herself, she wasn't sure she could have stopped it even if she tried, he was just too perfect, too cute, too sweet and just too Ash.
She felt as though she needed a fix. Just one glance to get her through the day, one smile to get her through the year and one kiss to make her last forever.
That's how she felt when she was with Ash. She felt as though forever was slipping away and that all that was left was eternity. She felt as if her life was complete and that he was holding her in place. She felt like if he let her go, she would just drift away, but she never did and she was happy for that.
Misty sighed again.
She had almost mentioned it, the kiss. The simple peck on the cheek that she tried to convince herself was nothing more than a sign of friendship; she almost brought it up.
She wanted to talk about her. She wanted to find out what it really meant. But she wasn't brave; she didn't want to hear him tell her it was nothing, or that it was just something friends did. Sure that was what she had convinced herself, but deep down she hoped it was more.
Misty pulled out her diary and began to write.
Dear Diary,
You know some people would say that I missed out on an important and significant part of my life in the four years we spent together.
Those people would be wrong.
I say that I missed out on the most important and significant parts of my life from the moment I left to our first meeting a Davison and that I'm finally getting my life back together.
Some people might think that it was all just one big waste of time that I gave up more than I received. I don't think so.
Some people might tell me that falling in love with Ash Ketchum was the biggest mistake of my life. Well, I'm not going to listen anymore. I love Ash and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.
In my few years of life I have had it rather easy coming to the other side with only one outstanding regret. If I had to live my life over again, and I could change anything along the way, there's only really one thing that I would change. I never would have ran away.
I didn't just run away from Ash that day, I ran away from my hopes, my dreams, my pain and fears. I ran away from Ash, I ran away from everything that truly mattered to me in life.
I wonder what would have happened if I had turned around if, what he would have said if he had said if he had seen the tears in my eyes. Would he have wrapped his arms around me, or would he have been too angry at the things I had said or the fact that I was deserting him in the middle of his journey? If I had apologized would he have accepted it, would he have taken me back?
What am I thinking? For six years I've wanted him to apologize and now I'm pondering what would have happened if I had apologized. I'm not the sort of person who apologizes; I don't think I've ever apologized even once.
Well at least not a formal 'I'm sorry' that wasn't forced upon. Sure I have my own way of saying sorry, kind of just to show that I didn't mean to do it but that's not quite the same as an apology is it?
I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't saved Ash from the river. Would we still have found each other?
Sometimes I think that Ash and I are soul mates, like we were just meant to be. I feel like our journeys could take different roads but we'd always end up at the same place. We found each other here at Davison. Its all too perfect, our best friends are together, we're the presidents of a frat and sorority which have a long running history of ending up together and living happily ever after, Togetic even thinks Ash is her dad.
This isn't a crush, it isn't infatuation, it isn't desire and it definitely isn't immature high school love. This is the real deal. This is true love, the sort of thing that lasts lifetimes, that crosses oceans and survives through thick and thin.
This is the sort of love you find in fairytales and Disney movies. This is the sort of thing that you dream of as kids, with a handsome prince and you as the beautiful princess.
Ash is a prince. He's not a frog that hides a handsome prince beneath; he's a prince through and through. He's just perfect.
But I'm not a princess. Maybe I'm the ugly ducking who just needs to hide away until she finds her wings. But all she got was beauty, I don't want beauty, I'm not that superficial. What I want is Ash.
Sure some people say I'm pretty, but it's more in a cute way. I still see myself as plain old ordinary Misty Waterflower, a blemish on the perfect record of the Sensational Cerulean Sisters.
Its strange, if anyone else had said these things about me, I would have slapped them across the face until it hurts so bad they couldn't speak for a year.
Ok, so lets say that I'm not a blemish on my family's perfect record, but I'm not the prettiest Waterflower, that's for sure.
But that's kind of off the topic now isn't it?
So back to Ash, and all these 'what ifs?' that seem to plague my existence.
What if I hadn't ran away when Ash asked for my forgiveness?
Would we still be standing where we are today, somewhere in between friendship and love? Would we be friends at all? If I had stayed, if I had let him explain, would I have liked what I would hear?
I don't know.
All I know is that I don't regret the life I chose to live; I only regret that I chose not to live it with him.
Signed
Misty Waterflower.
Misty sighed, her questions still stirring in her mind.
'What if?' she thought to herself again.
She shook her head and tried to get rid of them.
"Its just because I'm sick," she reasoned with herself, "I'm not thinking straight."
She sighed.
She guessed that she might as well take the doctors advice and get some rest. At least that way, while she was sleeping she wouldn't have to think about the boy that she knew was destined to haunt her dreams.
~ to be continued ~
Any complaints?Another long chapter, I'm getting good at those, I can't wait to get started on the next chapter.
Please review, at least ten will suit me fine.