Disclaimer – I don't own Pokémon.
Sorry if the lyrics are off a bit off, but I had a lot of trouble finding the words to this.
Reasons of the Heart – Out Of My Heart and Into Your Head
Three . . .
Two . . .
One . . .
'I can't do this,' Ash thought to himself as he stared into Misty's angelic face almost begging him to kiss her, making him want her more than anything else, making it all disappear around him and make him forget everything he had planned out in his head. 'I can't. It would ruin it all, its too soon I have to wait.'
It was all so perfect, so right. It was everything he wanted and he hoped to god it was everything she wanted too, but he couldn't take that chance. He had to have it as perfect as could be, so nothing could go wrong and so the risk wouldn't be quite as high. He had to patient and he had to remember that.
"Sorry," he said getting up off her and holding out his hand to her which shocked her beyond comprehension. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
'Of course not,' she thought to herself. 'You never do, yet you're the only one that ever could.'
"Its ok," she said putting on the false happy voice and turning away so he couldn't see the tears welling in her eyes. "Come on, I better get to class."
Ash nodded as they walked the rest of the way in a solemn silence.
'no man is worth your tears,' she thought trying to convince herself that these words she had been told time after time by her sisters. 'and those who are wouldn't make you cry.'
She struggled so hard to believe them. She knew Ash was worth her tears, she couldn't think of anyone else who even came close, yet he was the only one who ever made her cry.
It wasn't intentional, she knew that. She didn't even think he knew how much he was hurting her, or about the tears that constantly filled her eyes when she thought of him.
He was worth every tear that fell from her eyes in her solitude. He was worth every smile that came to her face when he was near. He was worth every skipped beat and forgotten breath when she saw him. He was worth so much more than she could ever give.
Things seemed to have changed between them so easily. Misty was so sure that he was going to kiss her, that he wanted to kiss her just as much as she wanted him to, but then he just got up like it wasn't important, like she wasn't important, like he didn't want her anymore.
Ash could tell she was hurt by it, that she felt rejected and unloved, but he had to do it. He couldn't ruin things by letting things slip, by doing things like this. He had to be patient, he had to wait and he couldn't kiss her no matter how much he wanted to or wanted her.
'Patience is a virtue,' he reminded himself sadly stealing a glance of Misty and pretending for her sake, that he couldn't see the tears welling in the corners of her eyes.
He knew Misty better than he knew himself, and he knew the deceitful image of strength Misty had made herself out to be. He knew the walls built around her heart, their weak points and strong. And he knew that Misty hated nothing less than to appear weak and for others to see her as anything but strong,
He knew that it would only hurt her more to know that he could see the tears in her eyes, and that he knew that she wasn't as strong as she made herself out to be.
He didn't like hurting Misty; it was something he couldn't stand to do. To see her cry or in pain was bad enough without the heart wrenching suffering he felt to know it was his fault. He felt his own heart being broken in two, being torn into shreds and disregarded casually like it was nothing just from seeing the look she was trying so hard to hide in her eyes.
All he wanted right now was to see a real smile, no matter how small on her perfect lips.
"See you Myst," he said overly happily giving her a quick hug hoping that it may help fix the bond, which had been damaged after what he had done.
"See you Ash," she said returning his hug and feeling some of that same hope that Ash's actions always filled her with returning to her and pulling a small smile to her lips.
He nodded and handed her the bag of books before waving goodbye as he walked away.
She sighed. 'I'll never understand him,' she thought to herself as she watched him leave.
She sighed again and walked into her psyche class knowing that today was going to be a very long day.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh," Jessica screamed excitedly as she ran through the house up to her best friends room waving her hands around just as excitedly.
"You won't believe this," Jessica gushed.
"Come back in half an hour when I'm more awake in and in a state where I'm not quite so naive," Krysanthia complained still trying to get over last night's party.
Jessica rolled her eyes and continued being the chirpy little morning lark she was. "This is way too important to wait," Jessica insisted.
"Then go tell somebody who cares," Krysanthia moaned rolling onto her side which earned her a very disapproving look from Jessica.
You see Melody wasn't exactly the biggest gossip in Davison, more like the second. Jessica strong belief about gossip being the key to her happiness meant she loved nothing more than to do so and boy did she have some gossip.
She fidgeted around the room like a little child waiting to open her Christmas presents and practically bounced off the walls with excitement.
"Well maybe I will," Jessica said huffily. "I just thought that you might appreciate hearing this before anyone else," she said turning to walk out the room. "It's not like anyone else knows anyhow."
Krysanthia was hooked. She hated second hand gossip, which had been messed up along the way into some kind of cheap imitation, but hearing it straight out of the mouth of the creator, that was what she lived for.
"Ok, you got me. Now, who, what, when, how and where?" Krysanthia asked.
Jessica smiled with satisfaction. "Well I was going for a walk in the quad when I saw Ash and Misty together. Then she started running away from him and he chased after her, then he tackled her to the ground. Then they were just lying there for like five minutes till he pushed himself away and Misty was practically in tears."
"So?" Krysanthia asked kind of annoyed that Jessica had woken her up for this.
"So, I think he's planning something," Jessica said quite shocked that her best friend didn't find this quite so interesting.
"And?" Krysanthia asked still bored with Jessica's gossip but urging her to go on and may be find something that peaked her interest.
"And we just like have to find out what it is," Jessica continued becoming more excited.
"He's probably just planning something special for the dance," Krysanthia told her in a bored tone as she checked herself in the mirror. "So don't go spreading that around because he's probably trying to surprise her and it won't be nearly as good if Misty suspects something."
"Fine," Jessica sighed, "but can I at least tell Melody about the first part?"
"Sure," Krysanthia replied, "but I don't think Misty would be too impressed with you if you spread it around the whole school, she might just decide to give Melody creative control over the decoration thing."
"I'll be good," Jessica said quickly sulking as she left the room to go tell Melody exactly what she saw knowing she would appreciate it far more than Krysanthia had.
I feel fine
Now the rain has gone
And the sun has come to shine
Nothing can get me down today
Head over heals
Got my mind made up
As I'm driving through the fields
Nothing can get me down again
Catch me if you can
I've got to make a get away
As the sun goes down
Waking up my dreams
And in my mind
You're with me once again
Out of my heart into your head
And beside my heart
There's a place for you
And in my mind
I'm with you once again
Out of my heart into your head
Chasing the sun
Trying to get away
From the rain that's going to come
Hope I make it all the way
I'm lost in a crowd
Trying to find my way
But the rain keeps falling down
Doesn't matter any way
Catch me if you can
I've got to make a get away
As the sun goes down
Waking up my dreams
And in my mind
You're with me once again
Out of my heart into your head
And beside my heart
There's a place for you
And in my mind
I'm with you once again
Out of my heart into your head
Take a look
At the sky
Feel the sunshine
In your heart
In your head
In your own time
As the sun goes down
Waking up my dreams
And in my mind
You're with me once again
Out of my heart into your head
And beside my heart
There's a place for you
And in my mind
I'm with you once again
Out of my heart into your head
Out of my heart into your head
('Out Of My Heart And Into Your Head' BBMak)
'I wonder exactly how many pages you can write about a guy before it really starts to border on obsessive behaviour,' Misty pondered to herself as she turned through the neat and full pages of her diary each one with his name mentioned at least once.
It wasn't like she could help it, he kept on doing stupid and incomprehensible things like this that just messed up her head even more than it already was.
"Thanks a bunch Ash," she muttered turning to a new page so she could begin her current entry.
Dear Diary,
I promised myself I wouldn't say it and I'm going to try to keep this promise, but I get the strangest feeling that it won't be long before I break this one just like the rest of them so I might as well get it over with.
Damn you Ash Ketchum!
There I said it and I have to admit that it needed to be said. I've been holding all this in since early morning and it is now late afternoon so I'm sure that either says a lot about me or a lot about what he's done now.
I'm sure that he is the most incomprehensible being in this entire godforsaken planet. I mean I wish he would just make up his mind.
One second he's kissing me goodnight and taking every chance to hold me in his arms, next he's practically repelled at the thought of kissing me or something.
I wish he would just stop giving me all these mixed messages. I'm sure today is the best example to date. We were just hanging out and stuff and then we had this chase, he takled me to the ground and he was just so close to kissing me that I could practically already feel his lips against mine, but he didn't. He pushed himself away, smiled nervously and said 'sorry myst' just like he always does every time he breaks my heart.
But sorry doesn't mend it, it doesn't fix it. I'm almost certain that sorry only makes it worse than it already is.
I was so sure he was going to kiss me. I was so sure that he wanted to kiss me, but I guess I was only fooling myself.
I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to hold me in his arms and never let go. I don't think I've ever wanted anything else as much as I want him to take me in his arms and tell me everything I've dreamed of. But those are just foolish dreams and today I almost gave up on them, which I fear might have been the stupidest thing I could ever do.
It makes me wonder, where would I be without them, without my foolish dreams? What would I do without even them to hold onto anymore? I'd be lost without them, without my dreams, without him to bring me back to reality or to take me away from it.
That's the thing with reality, its never how you want it to be. You either want to be there or somewhere else. Sometimes my reality is twice as good as my reveries, at others reality basically sucks.
My best realities and fantasies are always with Ash but sometimes even he can't make all my problems go away. Especailly when he's the reason for my problems.
Not that I'm complaining, I mean I love Ash and I can't really picture my life without him, in fact I don't even want to, but sometimes he can be a bit of a handful to say the least.
I'm not sure which is scarier, the fact that he was going to kiss me, or the fact that he didn't. Is it scarier to think that he loves me or to think that he never could? I just don't know anymore.
Just when I think I've got it all figured out, that I finally have my life under control; that I understand him and that I finally understand exactly where Ash and I stand, he does this. For no apparent reason he messes up my perfectly laid logical explanations and conclusions thus turning my entire world upside down.
But I guess that's how it's always been with me and Ash, one step foreward, two steps back as if I'm never any closer to where I want to be. I feel like just when I think I'm finally there and finally have everything how I want it; I start losing ground and end up back where I started.
So here I am, at the beginning again, caught somewhere within the middle ground and I'm not sure how to get out.
All I know is that if I'm ever going to be with Ash I have to figure this out and as they say 'where there's a will, there's usually a way'.
So here's to finding my way, and hoping that it leads me to Ash.
Signed
Misty Waterflower
~ to be continued ~
So I hope that was ok. I know that was kind of mean and I feel really sorry for Misty but I have Ash's plan worked out perfectly and it's too early to ruin it all.
This is going to be the last chapter for a while because one of my friends are going away to France (bon voyage steff) and as she's one of the first and biggest fans of this story I don't want her to have to catch up when she comes back, so unless something major happens to change my mind I probably won't be updating again until January, not that that's any different from usual. I'll still be updating my other stories if anyone actually cares, just not this one but I'm sure with the pressure off for a bit I'll be able to work on some really brilliant chapters.
By the way everyone, I changed chapter 15 which was formally known as 'Have You Ever' to 'These Are The Days'. There isn't much of a change, but seeing as it's been so long since you've read it I'm sure it would help jog your memory a little.
Please review.