Disclaimer: What do you think me, a genius? All characters belong to J.W.,
ME, Fox, et al.
Title: "Birthday Blues"
Rating: Over all R.
Chapter Two: PG-13
Pairings: Spike/Buffy, Spike/Dawn (friendship)
History: Season 7, Buffy's birthday that never aired. Spike got his "edge" back a little sooner than on the show.
Summary: Someone remembered Buffy's birthday this year. WIP until the end.
Chapter Two: Dawn & Spike talk while walking to the mall. Buffy reflects on what happened between Spike and herself and finally discovers something about their relationship.
Author's Notes: Anything in asterisks denotes internal thoughts.
Chapter Two: The Journey and Discovery
******
Spike and Dawn walked side-by-side down Main Street. Spike listened while Dawn went on and on about Buffy and the Potentials. Spike had to give the girl credit for everything she was going through. After all, it wasn't everyday a girl got 30 new 'sisters'. It was all over-whelming for the teen and no one seemed to understand, nor did they ask her what she felt about anything. Her room was no longer hers. She had no quiet time to herself.
"So, then she's all like, 'Dawn, I thought I told you to get your homework done! You're not going to pass your test that way!' So I was like, 'Buffy, what difference does it make? With the way things have been going, I won't have to worry about school if there isn't one anymore!'" Dawn took a breath. "She really didn't have a comment because deep down I know she thinks it's possible! So what does she do? She goes and gets all high and mighty on me, pretending to be like mom."
"What'd you say back?" Spike asked. Dawn really could talk, unlike her sister, whom the only time anything came out of her mouth lately was when she was yelling orders or fighting something or giving one of her extremely long speeches.
"Oh, I just glared at her. No sense making any comments about mom. It only hurts her and I don't want to hurt her. Although sometimes, I'd like to switch places with her and just slap the self-righteousness out!" Dawn smiled. "Anyway, what were you and Buffy talking about? It looked tense."
Spike stared at the young woman and smiled. "Just stuff, Niblet. Nothing to worry your pretty head about."
"Spike, I'm sixteen! I'm not dumb. I can see the way you two look at each other when the other one isn't looking. You still love her right?"
Spike nodded and replied. "Yeah, always."
"So, it had to do with relationship stuff then? You always get that look in your eyes."
"What look?" he asked confused.
"That, 'I'd do anything for you, if you'd only let me' look! The one that says you'd die for her. She's too stupid to see what's in front of her," Dawn smiled.
"Dawn, it's not that simple. I wish it was, but by God, it's not," Spike sighed. *It's never simple when you tell the one that you love, that you might not be there in the end. Love is never simple, that's what makes it so painful, so passionate.*
"That's the problem with you two. You don't ever think anything is simple. It's always got to be all or nothing. You want all of her and she ACTS like she wants nothing of you. Well you're both wrong."
"What are you talking about?"
Dawn sighed out of frustration. "Spike the whole time you were gone, it was all about getting you back. It wasn't about finding out where the First was or what it was doing, granted it played a part though. Mainly, it was about finding you first and foremost, and then dealing with the evil part. You were always on her mind, in her dreams."
"In her dreams?" he asked confused.
"Yes, she dreamt about you."
"She told you this?" Spike asked, he had a hard time believing Buffy would just tell Dawn everything.
"Will you stop interrupting me?" Dawn scolded him, continuing only when he nodded. "She didn't have to tell me. I could hear her. Crying herself to sleep, calling our your name. Waking up crying, screaming, freakin' out because you weren't there."
"She was just worried that the First could turn me against her. I'm just one of her weapons, her tools."
*God, how can you be so blind! Ugh, vampires!* Dawn bitched quietly to herself, becoming frustrated. "Spike, I'm telling you, it wasn't because you could be used against us. She told me you asked her to kill you before you were taken. Did you really think she could do it? That she wanted to do it?"
"People can do anything when they're pushed far enough," Spike replied.
"Like you when you got your soul."
"Something like that," he said softly. *Stupid bloody soul hasn't done anything but cause problems.*
"Well, Buffy's not going to stake you, she loves you."
Spike stopped dead in his tracks and grabbed Dawn's arm. "Did she tell you that?"
*Get a grip much!* Dawn pulled her hand free from Spike's grasp. "Hello, not a Slayer here! That hurts!"
"Oh, sorry, Dawn."
"It's okay. See no harm no foul!" she smiled showing him her arm.
"Good. Did Buffy say she loved me?" he asked again, his heart hoping she had.
Dawn saw the anticipation in Spike's eyes and smiled. "Spike, have you ever known Buffy to admit any of her feelings?"
"No." Spike's tone dropped and his gaze fell to the ground as he continued walking.
"Spike, wait up!" Dawn called. When she finally caught up to him, she continued talking. "Spike, Buffy never says what she's feeling unless it's to lash out at someone. She doesn't have to say it out loud. When she talks about you, you can see it in her eyes. I may be young, but I'm not stupid. I know the signs. You weren't there to see her worry over you. You didn't see how every time your name was mentioned she'd jump and look around, or her eyes would light up. That's not something someone does when they're not in love or they hate someone."
"I don't, Niblet. I don't think I deserve her love, even if it were true. I did some bad things."
"She forgave you, Spike! Just get past that."
"It's not that simple. I hurt her."
"Spike, it's in the past, this is the present and tomorrow is the future. Do you want to live it sulking and brooding like a poof, or in love and happy?"
"Poof, ey? You think I'm brooding like Peaches?" Spike raised his scarred eyebrow.
Dawn laughed. "I never brought Gel-boy into the conversation, you did! Look, all I'm saying is that just give her a chance. She'll come around."
"Yeah, sure, Bit," Spike sighed. *And I'll live bloody long enough to fly!*
Spike walked in silence the rest of the way to the Sunnydale Mall, while Dawn talked about whatever it is teenagers talk about. Occasionally, he would nod or reply with a monosyllabic word; usually a yes or no.
***
Buffy ran up the stairs, slammed her door and paced around her room. Anger flashed in her hazel eyes as she recalled her earlier encounter with the blond vampire. How could he tell her he was leaving and then not explain? What gave him the right to do that to her? What gave him the right to leave? What gave him the right to play with her heart like that?
*The same thing that gave you the right! The same thing that gave you the right to play with his heart! The same right that gave you the ammunition to hurt him with your words, and your actions!*
Buffy stopped pacing and stood in front of the mirror. Her eyes, no longer bore flecks of anger, yet strands of hurt and realization that she did the same thing to him. She could build him up and tear him down all at once. She thought nothing of it as she did it either. She could make him feel like a king and then like a dirty serf. Yet, he.he kept her on a high pedestal for everyone to admire and see.
Things always had to be all or nothing, black or white with her, but not him; never him. He accepted that there were many shades of gray, both dark and light. They were in the middle of that spectrum: she on the little lighter side and he on the little darker side. The two of them were equals, the opposite sides of the same coin. One good with bad and one bad with good. Should they be enemies? Should they be lovers? Could they be friends?
"Spike said Angel and I could never be friends, so what does that mean for us? Spike has a soul and he can't lose it by a 'Happiness Clause'. I trusted him enough to have the chip removed so it wouldn't kill him. I've trusted him more times than I can count, with my life, with my family and friends' lives, with my heart.
"Can we be friends though? Do I want to be just friends with him or do I want more? Can we be lovers again? Are we meant to be together as he says? Am I just like him?" Buffy asked herself all the hard questions.
*God, I do want to feel his arms around me- protecting me, loving me, just comforting me. What I wouldn't give for just one moment where neither of us hurt the other. Where the world kept silent and uninterrupted by chaos. Where I could be a normal young woman and he a normal young man. To just be normal!*
Buffy looked at herself one last time and then flopped herself on the bed. She stared up at the ceiling. Thoughts mixed with emotion and controlled by her heart, not her brain. She wondered where he was and what he talked about with Dawn. Did he talk about the same things as he did with her? Did he make Dawn laugh and smile? Did Dawn make him smile like she could? Did he give Dawn that special grin of his?
Buffy rolled over on her side and traced patterns on the pillow beside her. It still smelled like him; cigarettes and leather. The cologne he sometimes used. The thought of him in her bed again made her heart ache for him and the breath of air catch in her throat. Buffy cried silently as she realized what she wanted.
"I just want to be normal! I just want us to be normal!" Buffy closed her eyes as she succumbed to a stress-induced sleep.
To Be Continued...
Title: "Birthday Blues"
Rating: Over all R.
Chapter Two: PG-13
Pairings: Spike/Buffy, Spike/Dawn (friendship)
History: Season 7, Buffy's birthday that never aired. Spike got his "edge" back a little sooner than on the show.
Summary: Someone remembered Buffy's birthday this year. WIP until the end.
Chapter Two: Dawn & Spike talk while walking to the mall. Buffy reflects on what happened between Spike and herself and finally discovers something about their relationship.
Author's Notes: Anything in asterisks denotes internal thoughts.
Chapter Two: The Journey and Discovery
******
Spike and Dawn walked side-by-side down Main Street. Spike listened while Dawn went on and on about Buffy and the Potentials. Spike had to give the girl credit for everything she was going through. After all, it wasn't everyday a girl got 30 new 'sisters'. It was all over-whelming for the teen and no one seemed to understand, nor did they ask her what she felt about anything. Her room was no longer hers. She had no quiet time to herself.
"So, then she's all like, 'Dawn, I thought I told you to get your homework done! You're not going to pass your test that way!' So I was like, 'Buffy, what difference does it make? With the way things have been going, I won't have to worry about school if there isn't one anymore!'" Dawn took a breath. "She really didn't have a comment because deep down I know she thinks it's possible! So what does she do? She goes and gets all high and mighty on me, pretending to be like mom."
"What'd you say back?" Spike asked. Dawn really could talk, unlike her sister, whom the only time anything came out of her mouth lately was when she was yelling orders or fighting something or giving one of her extremely long speeches.
"Oh, I just glared at her. No sense making any comments about mom. It only hurts her and I don't want to hurt her. Although sometimes, I'd like to switch places with her and just slap the self-righteousness out!" Dawn smiled. "Anyway, what were you and Buffy talking about? It looked tense."
Spike stared at the young woman and smiled. "Just stuff, Niblet. Nothing to worry your pretty head about."
"Spike, I'm sixteen! I'm not dumb. I can see the way you two look at each other when the other one isn't looking. You still love her right?"
Spike nodded and replied. "Yeah, always."
"So, it had to do with relationship stuff then? You always get that look in your eyes."
"What look?" he asked confused.
"That, 'I'd do anything for you, if you'd only let me' look! The one that says you'd die for her. She's too stupid to see what's in front of her," Dawn smiled.
"Dawn, it's not that simple. I wish it was, but by God, it's not," Spike sighed. *It's never simple when you tell the one that you love, that you might not be there in the end. Love is never simple, that's what makes it so painful, so passionate.*
"That's the problem with you two. You don't ever think anything is simple. It's always got to be all or nothing. You want all of her and she ACTS like she wants nothing of you. Well you're both wrong."
"What are you talking about?"
Dawn sighed out of frustration. "Spike the whole time you were gone, it was all about getting you back. It wasn't about finding out where the First was or what it was doing, granted it played a part though. Mainly, it was about finding you first and foremost, and then dealing with the evil part. You were always on her mind, in her dreams."
"In her dreams?" he asked confused.
"Yes, she dreamt about you."
"She told you this?" Spike asked, he had a hard time believing Buffy would just tell Dawn everything.
"Will you stop interrupting me?" Dawn scolded him, continuing only when he nodded. "She didn't have to tell me. I could hear her. Crying herself to sleep, calling our your name. Waking up crying, screaming, freakin' out because you weren't there."
"She was just worried that the First could turn me against her. I'm just one of her weapons, her tools."
*God, how can you be so blind! Ugh, vampires!* Dawn bitched quietly to herself, becoming frustrated. "Spike, I'm telling you, it wasn't because you could be used against us. She told me you asked her to kill you before you were taken. Did you really think she could do it? That she wanted to do it?"
"People can do anything when they're pushed far enough," Spike replied.
"Like you when you got your soul."
"Something like that," he said softly. *Stupid bloody soul hasn't done anything but cause problems.*
"Well, Buffy's not going to stake you, she loves you."
Spike stopped dead in his tracks and grabbed Dawn's arm. "Did she tell you that?"
*Get a grip much!* Dawn pulled her hand free from Spike's grasp. "Hello, not a Slayer here! That hurts!"
"Oh, sorry, Dawn."
"It's okay. See no harm no foul!" she smiled showing him her arm.
"Good. Did Buffy say she loved me?" he asked again, his heart hoping she had.
Dawn saw the anticipation in Spike's eyes and smiled. "Spike, have you ever known Buffy to admit any of her feelings?"
"No." Spike's tone dropped and his gaze fell to the ground as he continued walking.
"Spike, wait up!" Dawn called. When she finally caught up to him, she continued talking. "Spike, Buffy never says what she's feeling unless it's to lash out at someone. She doesn't have to say it out loud. When she talks about you, you can see it in her eyes. I may be young, but I'm not stupid. I know the signs. You weren't there to see her worry over you. You didn't see how every time your name was mentioned she'd jump and look around, or her eyes would light up. That's not something someone does when they're not in love or they hate someone."
"I don't, Niblet. I don't think I deserve her love, even if it were true. I did some bad things."
"She forgave you, Spike! Just get past that."
"It's not that simple. I hurt her."
"Spike, it's in the past, this is the present and tomorrow is the future. Do you want to live it sulking and brooding like a poof, or in love and happy?"
"Poof, ey? You think I'm brooding like Peaches?" Spike raised his scarred eyebrow.
Dawn laughed. "I never brought Gel-boy into the conversation, you did! Look, all I'm saying is that just give her a chance. She'll come around."
"Yeah, sure, Bit," Spike sighed. *And I'll live bloody long enough to fly!*
Spike walked in silence the rest of the way to the Sunnydale Mall, while Dawn talked about whatever it is teenagers talk about. Occasionally, he would nod or reply with a monosyllabic word; usually a yes or no.
***
Buffy ran up the stairs, slammed her door and paced around her room. Anger flashed in her hazel eyes as she recalled her earlier encounter with the blond vampire. How could he tell her he was leaving and then not explain? What gave him the right to do that to her? What gave him the right to leave? What gave him the right to play with her heart like that?
*The same thing that gave you the right! The same thing that gave you the right to play with his heart! The same right that gave you the ammunition to hurt him with your words, and your actions!*
Buffy stopped pacing and stood in front of the mirror. Her eyes, no longer bore flecks of anger, yet strands of hurt and realization that she did the same thing to him. She could build him up and tear him down all at once. She thought nothing of it as she did it either. She could make him feel like a king and then like a dirty serf. Yet, he.he kept her on a high pedestal for everyone to admire and see.
Things always had to be all or nothing, black or white with her, but not him; never him. He accepted that there were many shades of gray, both dark and light. They were in the middle of that spectrum: she on the little lighter side and he on the little darker side. The two of them were equals, the opposite sides of the same coin. One good with bad and one bad with good. Should they be enemies? Should they be lovers? Could they be friends?
"Spike said Angel and I could never be friends, so what does that mean for us? Spike has a soul and he can't lose it by a 'Happiness Clause'. I trusted him enough to have the chip removed so it wouldn't kill him. I've trusted him more times than I can count, with my life, with my family and friends' lives, with my heart.
"Can we be friends though? Do I want to be just friends with him or do I want more? Can we be lovers again? Are we meant to be together as he says? Am I just like him?" Buffy asked herself all the hard questions.
*God, I do want to feel his arms around me- protecting me, loving me, just comforting me. What I wouldn't give for just one moment where neither of us hurt the other. Where the world kept silent and uninterrupted by chaos. Where I could be a normal young woman and he a normal young man. To just be normal!*
Buffy looked at herself one last time and then flopped herself on the bed. She stared up at the ceiling. Thoughts mixed with emotion and controlled by her heart, not her brain. She wondered where he was and what he talked about with Dawn. Did he talk about the same things as he did with her? Did he make Dawn laugh and smile? Did Dawn make him smile like she could? Did he give Dawn that special grin of his?
Buffy rolled over on her side and traced patterns on the pillow beside her. It still smelled like him; cigarettes and leather. The cologne he sometimes used. The thought of him in her bed again made her heart ache for him and the breath of air catch in her throat. Buffy cried silently as she realized what she wanted.
"I just want to be normal! I just want us to be normal!" Buffy closed her eyes as she succumbed to a stress-induced sleep.
To Be Continued...