The Dan Hibiki Christmas Special
*Sakura is in the kitchen humming an Xmas tune while preparing a big dinner for Christmas time*
Sakura: Deck the halls with bowls of Holly, fa la la la laaa, la la la la. Tis the season to be Jolly , etc, etc
Sakura: I wonder if my roast is done...
*Joe and Jin peek from around the corner*
Joe: Oh man, what are we gonna do! Sakura doesn't know how to cook!
Jin: I don't know, it always gives me gas, and the pukes.
Joe: yuk
Jin: Ruby is helping her too, and thats not much better
Ruby: What was that?
Jin: DDaaahhH!
Ruby: *hits Jin with an anchor*
*back in the living room, Dan is shaking his gifts*
Dan: Shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake your Christmas, Christmas Presents!
Jin: Dan stop messing around!
Dan: Leave me alone Satome!
Kei: *jumps out of her room dressed as an elf with pointy ears and a short skirt/long shirt thing that Link from the legend of zelda would wear*
Kei: Merry Christmas! Ho Ho Ho!
Joe: What? You want your stocking stuffed or something?
Kei: tee hee hee, no silly, here, help me hang up the stockings for Santa
Joe: Bah, humbug
Kei: Oh, dont be a fuddy duddy
Jin: *whispering to Dan* she is talking that baby talk again
Dan: *snickers*
Joe: Hey Kei me and the boys are gonna make a run to the liqour store to get some egg nog stuff, be back soon
Kei: Ok!!
*the trio exit the house and hear someone screaming*
Jin: Hey, is that Guile?
Benimaru: *runs up* Please help me!
Jin: Gahh, its another fruit!
Benny: No! Im not!
Dan: Uh oh, check it out!
*Benny has been followed by 3 people, the first dressed in a sailor outfit, the second dressed in a get up similar to storm, and the third dressed in a Psyclocke ninja bathing suit*
Cable: Come on, dont act like you dont like it
Cyclopes: Come on and join our group!
Iceman: Icebeam!! Icebeam!! *makes a phallous made of Ice and attaches it to his arm*
Benny: NNNnnnooooo!! Im not like that!
Cyke: Sure, sure.
Jin: You! I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again!
Cable: well, you didn't
Jin: You blew up my Mech!!!
Joe: Benny, get behind us, we will take care of this terrible trio!
Dan: Ikozura!
Joe: Lets get the show on the road! *does a quick uppercut that cuases a mini tornado* hurricane uppah!!
Cyclopes: *backflips away*
Dan: *runs at Iceman*
Iceman: *swings the Ice Phallus at Dan*
Dan: *punches the Ice contraption and shatters it while making a Bruce Lee noise* wwwwoooooooooooooooo!
Iceman: Dahh! You broke my toy!
Dan: Im gonna break your face! Ikozura!!! *grabs Iceman but Iceman wraps his arms around Dan in a bear hug*
Iceman: You need to chill out!
Dan: Oh, your so punny, AhhhH!
*Iceman has frozen Dan in a casing, but lets see how the other battles are faring*
*Jin bum rushes Cable with a lunging punch*
Cable: You wanna play huh? *grabs Jin's arm and does a backward flip toss thingie, landing Jin on his back*
Jin: Ooof!
Cable: Your nothing without your Mech! *pulls out gun and shoots Jin with it* Piyo! Piyo!
Jin: TYhoooooonnnn!! *spins into Cable, knocking him around some*
Cyclops: Optic Blast!
Joe: *gets hit in the chest and staggers back* Heh, your gonna have to do better than that, THRUST KICK! *lunges forward and kicks Cyke in the chest, sending him reeling*
Joe: *runs to follow up his attack* Here I come!
IceMan: ICE BEAM!
*Joe gets hit by the side and his upper body gets covered in a fine layer or ice*
Joe: What? grrrrr! *shatters the ice and breaks free*
*Joe turns to Iceman, but while distracted he is tackled by Cyclopes*
Cyke: I'll hold him while you hit him Iceman!
Iceman: Yeah! OOOooooo??
Dan: *has kneed Iceman in the small of the back* We arnt finished yet, bbboooooooyyyeeeeee!
Cable: *jumping high in the air* Viper Beam!!
*the viper beam inpacts around Jin, causeing the earth around him to be broken up into dust*
Jin: Ultimate Typhoon! *the dust turns into a tornado as Jin sweeps Cable into it and sends him spiraling towards the ground*
Back at Iceman...
Dan: *has Iceman by the collar* Freeze! *punch* Chill out! *punch* Cool move! *punch* you sound like a Prima Fighting Game guide! *sneezes* Damn I think I cuaght a cold from you, that makes me mad!
Iceman: *has used the sneeze to his advantage and made a sword arm out of Ice*
Iceman: Die! *runs it through Dan*
Dan: *looks at Iceman funny* You stabbed me!
*the fight stops and everyone looks at Dan*
Dan: He stabbed me!
*Iceman breaks off the Icesword from his hand and Dan staggers back a bit*
Dan: Ow! This is suppose to be a funny fanfic! We where suppose to be drunk right now and be telling Me Suit jokes, but now I got stabbed. That ruined my day! *coughes up blood like he was in an anime* Ack! Im coughing up blood! This sucks! You ruined Miller Time!*passes out*
Jin: DDDDDDDAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!
Cable: *Eye twinkles as he presses his Hyper Viper beam to Jin's back* Hyper, VIPER BEAM!!!!
Jin: WWWAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Ruby: *bust out of the house* Dan!!!!!! NO!
Ruby: *turns Period of the Blood Ruby*
Ruby: *runs at Iceman and swings her anchor at him*
Iceman: *blocks with his Iceshield and counters with a devestating(tm) kick to her stomach*
Ruby: *gets knocked back, but rolls to her feet* Chevalle, Sellah!
* a pillar of water/blue fire erupts under Iceman launching him upwards*
Iceman: I would say something but I've run out of puns!
Ruby: *turns into a ball of Fire and drives through him*
Iceman: Doh!
*As Ruby descents from her mid air attack, Cable tosses a stun grenade where she would land, and it explodes, sealing her in place as Cable drop kicks her and she flys into the house, Cable follows her*
Cyclopes: Iceman give me a hand over here!
Joe: *knees him in the stomach and then kicks him in the nads*
Iceman: Alright! ARTIC ATT...what?
Dan: *grabs Iceman from behind* Oyajiiiiii! *performs Otoko Michi and explodes*
Joe: This will teach you some pride! *drives his knee into Cyclopes face, breaking his eyepeice*
Cyke: Uh oh!
Jin: Joe look out! *knocks Joe out of the way and gets hit with the full blast*
*the full blast knocks away Jin and destroys the house*
Joe: Cyclopes, your fly is undone!
Cyke: *looks*
Joe: *turns away, not wanting to see such a feat of horror*
Cyke: *dies*
Joe: There, now lets go get ...
Cable: Nobody move!
*Joe turns, and where the porch used to be he sees Ruby and Sakura laying unconcsioce at the feet of Cable, who has his gun pressed to Kei's head*
Joe: Kei! *begins to make a move*
Cable: Ah ah ah! you forget she isn't a fighting game character, one shot will kill her easily, unlike you who will take minimum damage
Joe: Grrr, LET HER GO!!!
Cable: Not until you tell us where Benny Baby is!
Joe: I dont know, he just went into the house when you arrived
Cable: Not good enough *readys gun*
Kei: Joe!!!!
*a blimp hovers above the battle*
????: To protect the world from devestation!!!
????2: To unite all people within our nation!!!
????: To denouce the evil of truth and love!!!
????2: To extend our reach to the stars above!!!
Mature: Mature!
Vice: Vice!
Mature: Team Lesbo blast off lickedy split!
Vice: Faster than men, who pack their shit!
*Mature and Vice jump down from the blimp*
*Mature slashes Cables arm as Vice sweeps him out form under his feet*
Kei: *runs to safety* Run! Run!
*Mature and Vice go crazy on Cable*
Cable: *dies* X_X
Mature: Ha! Easy win!
Vice: What happened to that pink guy? Is he with Cable too?
Ruby: No! He is my boyfriend! Somebody help!
Kei: Ill help! *puts hand on Dan's wound and begins to glow*
Joe: Hey what are ya doing!
Kei: Healing!
Sakura: I never knew you could heal
Kei: Well I never was around when you got beat up! I only appear after you win a fight!
Kei: Uh oh! Im to weak to help him! Maybe if I release all my energy all at once!
Kei: *takes off her clothes*
Joe: Ahh puttem back on puttem back on!
*After a while, all the heroes are back to fighting strength*
Dan: Oh man! My house! Its ruined!
Joe: Some Christmas this turned out to be..
Kei: We need a Christmas Miracle!
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, thats my speciality!
Ruby: Santa Cluase!
Dan: Santa I want a new house for Christmas!
Joe: I want a new job!
Jin: I want a new robot!
Sakura: I want some new panties!
Kei: I want Joe to marry me!
Joe: ack!
Santa: Hold on now, I can grant all of your wishes.....for a price
Dan: WWWWhhhhhaatttt? I thought this was the season of giving?
Santa: Well, you thoght wrong, its the season of rushing to stores and beating others to the toys
Joe: Well what do you want?
Santa: Simple really, a day off
Dan: But you only work one day a year
Santa: Thats right, and I've been working without a day off for eternity. Now I want someone to take over
Dan: I'll do it!
Santa: But your a rookie, choose one person to go with you and help
Dan: Joe! I choose you!
Joe: Sake sake Ikuzee!!!
Santa: Here Dan, you will need this *sprinkles magic dust on Dan*
SC: * dons a Pink Santa Suit minues 400 pounds and beard, thus turning into Saikyo Clause* Yahooii!
Joe: *dons a Green Link costume, to which he promtly rips off, exposing his usual attire of Boxing Shorts* Ok Dan, lets get going!
SC: On Roger, on Amatuer, on Scrubby and whiner, on newbie on loser, on geek and A Wine-O!
Joe: We only have one reindeer
SC: He deserves the attention that he demands doesn't he?
*Joe and SC are flying above the world*
SC: Ho, ho, ho! Whats our first stop Joe?
Joe: Hmmm, *reads list* Terry Bogard's house, he wants a new hat because Ken stole his.
SC: Ho, ho, ho! Ok!
*at Terry's pad, Terry is hanging up the stockings with care*
Terry: Oh, its gonna be a Bluuuuueeeee, Christmas, with Youuouuuouu in my bed!
Blue: Oh, Terry! Hurry up and come to bed or Santa wont give you anything, you naughty boy
Terry: Hey, OK!
*Terry scurries off to bed as a rumbling is heard*
SC: YAAAHOOIII!! *thump* OW!
Joe: *lands on top of Dan, the Saikyo Clause!*
SC: Dah! Get off of me!
Joe: *walks out into the living room* I see Mr Big Shot Im in Capcom vs SNK is doing ok
Joe: *looks at a pic of Blue and Terry in a cutsie hugging pose in some park somewhere*
SC: *fumbling with his magic sac*
Joe: *steals the expensive looking picture frame*
SC: Your suppose to be helping me.
Joe: Yeah yeah, just let me look in the fridge *walks down the hall*
Joe: *walks by Terry's room*
Mary: STOCK MY STUFFING ARRGGHH!
Joe: *ear perks up*
Terry: Hey come on! come on!
Joe: *bends over and looks through the key hole*
Joe: Wow, those grapplers sure are flexible
Mary: Show me the Geyser of POWER!
Terry: Oh yea baby!
Joe: *eyes widen* Wow! Go Terry, go Terry! Its your birthday!
*Mary's dog chomps Joe's ass*
Joe: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *sticks hand over mouth*
Terry: Was that you Mary?
Joe: *runs down the hall into the living room*
Dan: *is wearing Terry's new hat and admiring himself in a mirror* Oh hi Joe!
Joe: *hand still over mouth* Mmmphh!! mpphhm!
Dan: Oh cherades! Lets see, you want some suntan oil for Christmas?
Joe: *bangs the dog on the wall, hard*
Dog: Relp! *hits the floor*
Joe: *kicks the dog* that'll teach ya!
Dog: yelp! *scampers off*
Joe: *turns to Dan* Ok next house.
Dan: *has a stern face on*
Joe: What?
Dan: That dog, you kicked it
Joe: Yeah? so?
Dan: *frowns*
Joe: Dont be so sensitive!
Dan: Im not talking to you anymore
Joe: Come on, lets get outta here! *begins to walk rowards the chimely*
Dan: Your in exile buddy! I cant see or hear you *continues talking has he goes up the Chimely*
The Saikyo Clause has just started his trip, and the night is young!
Saikyo Clause: Ok, next house is Morrigans!
Joe: What's she want?
Dan/SC: A Vib-Master 3 Million EX Edition?
Joe: Whats that?
Dan: I dunno, if only I selected Ruby to come she could show me!
Joe: Oh well, lets go!
Dan: Arrg! Why am I talking to you, your in exhile!
Joe: Whatever
*Joe and Dan slide down Morrigan's chimely and emerge in the living room*
Joe: My god, it smells like fish in here!
Dan: P U!
Joe: I'll go make sure Morrigan is in bed while you unload the stuff
Dan: Ok, *begins rummaging through the sac*
Dan: Do be do be dooooo
????: pppsssstttt
Dan: Eh?
????: Psst, psstt, up here
Dan: *notices that Lilith is tied in leather straps and is hanging from the cieling*
Lilith: Morrigan said to just give me her present
Dan: this? *holds present up*
Lilith: Yeah
Dan: Here, take it *holds present up*
Lilith: No, give it to me
Dan: Well, take it
Lilith: No, ggggiiiiiivvvvvvveee it to me
Dan: I don't think I under- oh god no thats sick your only like 12 years old!
Lilith: Im five hundred and some odd years old!
Dan: Ick Im outta here, ask Joe to do it
Joe: *Enters* do what?
Dan: *points to Lilith*
Joe: Jailbait! Arrgghh!!
*Dan and Joe exit and make there way to the next house*
*Joe is sitting in a chair sipping coffee as Dan is going through his sac*
Joe: Its not in there
Dan: There HAS to be a Playstation 2 in here somewhere!
Dan: Lets see, we got a Slinkie...
Joe: Ill take that
Dan: Gameboy Color, Pokemon Blue, Gold, Silver,
Joe: Slinkie Slinkie!
Dan: Teddy bear, whats that? Oh a Tickle Me Elmo.
Joe: *throws Slinkie down stairs*
Joe: Im tellin ya its not in there, just give Yuri my phone number and lets call it even.
Dan: I thought you had Kei
Joe: doh! Your right, the old ball and chain
Dan: Lets see, PS2, PS2, we got a squeky toy, some legos, train set, GI Joe, whats that?
Bag: Me Suit!
Dan: AhhH!
Akuma: *pops out of the bag* Me Suit!
Akuma: *starts the Raging Demon*
Dan: Ack! Quick! Run away!
Akuma: *notices he cant keep up with Dan and Joe, and pulls something out of the bag*
Joe: *hiding around the corner* phew, that was close
Akuma: Me Suit! *has a roller skate on his sliding foot*
Dan: Wuh oh! RUN!
Akuma: Me Suuuiiittt!! *skates*
Joe: Quick in here! *pulls Dan into Yuri's bedroom*
Akuma: Me Suit? *keeps on sliding past, and goes through and open window*
Dan: Phew!
Joe: Now, THAT was close *gets hit with mace*
Yuri: AhhH! Perverts! *sprays Dan*
Dan: Dah! I cant see! *runs away, then falls out an open window*
Joe: *has been sprayed with mace so many times, has developed a resistance to it* Cut it out! Im not a pervert, well, maybe I am but thats beside the point, we are the good guys!
Yuri: *hits Joe with a baseball bat*
Joe: Damn! OK OK Im leaving!
*As Joe enters the living room, Dan busts in the front door and slams the door behind him*
Door: *THUMP* *muffled* Me suit!
Dan: Lets get out of here!
And our heroes go to the next house....
*Joe and Dan are standing in Remy's bedroom, Joe is looking at the list*
Joe: He wants to meet his father
Dan: Doh, I hate these emotional ones. They make me feel like Im in some sort of Christmas special. *scratches head*
Joe: Hey I got an idea....
????: Remy! Awaken!
Remy: *wakes up* wha?
*A giant cloaked figure holding a plastic lightsaber is in the room*
Vader: Remy, I am your father!
Remy: Father?
Joe: (hey man, did you fart?)
Vader: (shut up and hold me steady)
Vader: Yes, my son, I am your father. Um, Hi
Remy: You bastard! You left my sister to die!
Vader: Um, I did?
Joe: (now you did it, hes gonna kick our asses)
Vader: (shut up, let me handle this)
Joe: (Go right ahead, Suck-o Clause)
Vader: Um, Im sure I had a good reason
Remy: To be a warrior? Ha! I been waiting to do this for along time! SUPREME RISING RAGE FLASH!!
Joe: (lets run before he thinks that we are his parents)
Dan: (good idea) *throws the cloak on Remy and runs off*
Remy: *emerging from the cloak* Ha! I defeated you father! Vengance is mine! Ha ha ha!
Dan: Ok, Felicia wants a ball of yarn....
*Dan and Joe walk over to Felicia's basket where she is snoozing*
Dan: Wow! Sexy!
Joe: Ick!
Dan: Ick!?!?!!?
Joe: She is a cat!
Dan: But she has boobs!
Joe: Yeah, but she's a cat monster, Im not doing a cat monster
Dan: .....
Joe: What!?!?
Dan: Your racist arn't you?
Joe: WHAT!?!?!
Dan: You've kicked dogs and now snuff Felicia, even though she is so cute
Felicia: Meow =^.^=
Dan: Awwww!
Joe: I just dont believe in interspecies relationships
Dan: Joe, how many black people are in King of Fighters?
Joe: Um, we have a basketball guy
Dan: A Basket ball guy, that is one stereotype, one!
Joe: Look Im not racist!
Dan: *hands Joe a white sheet* Here ya go Mr Wizard
Joe: Would you cut it out! Im not racist!
*they argue back up the chimley and onward to the next house*
*Joe and Dan emerge in Raiden's home*
Joe: Hahaha, hey look, Raiden left his love doll out!
Dan: *sees Beddy Blow-you (tm) doll* Bwahahaa!
Joe: Im gonna go keep the sleigh warm, *exits*
Dan: Hmm, I have to move this doll... *picks up Doll*
Raiden: *yawn* Santa?
Dan: *freezes* Um, yes?
Raiden: Why are you taking my Doll Santa?
Dan: Oh well, um
Dan: There is a boob on the left side of her, that wont inflate fully, so Im gonna take her to my shop, fix her there, and bring her back here!
Raiden: Dah, ok!
So our heroes go to the next joke as Oni realizes he is running out of jokes and ask's Real Life Santa for a really funny one to end this story with
Dan: Well, looks like he is the last guy
Joe: *yawn* yeah lets get it over with
Iori: *snores quietly and turns over in his bed*
Dan: *thinks for a moment* Hey Joe, how are we suppose to give Iori his Riot of the Blood back?
Joe: I dunno, check the bag
Dan: *checks the bag* I found something!
Dan: *hands Joe a bag of blood*
Joe: Don't give that to me!
Dan: Your suppose to be helping out!
Joe: Yeah, but that don't mean I have to touch any gore or anything!
Dan: You whine to much!
Joe: No I don't!
Dan: Shut up and help me!
Joe: I'll help you but I ain't doing it!
Dan: FINE!
Joe: OK THEN!
Dan: WELL ALLRIGHT!
Joe: THATS FINE THEN!
Dan: WELL OK!
Joe: SO DO IT THEN!
Dan: I WILL!
Joe: WELL OK THEN!
Dan: SO LET ME!
Joe: I WILL!
Dan: SO DO IT!
Joe: I AM!
Dan: *thumps Iori's arm searching for a vein*
Joe: You've done this before havn't you
Dan: Shut up
Joe: Druggie
Dan: Shut up!
Joe: Crack head!
Dan: Silence!
Dan: *sticks a needle in sleeping Iori's arm and blood gushes out*
Joe: Oh god! *passes out cold*
Dan: *attaches bag to Iori*
Iori: Eh? *wakes up*
Dan: *grins* Merry Christmas Iori!
Iori: *tears into Dan* UUUWWWAAAAOOO!!
Dan: AAAAHHHHH!
Iori: Weee Weee weee!
Dan: *jumps back and gets into fighting stance*
Iori: Candy! Candycandycandy!
Dan: Candy? Um, here! *holds out a Jolly Rancher*
Iori: *bites into Dan's Hand* Munch!
Dan: Ahh get off me!
Dan: *kicks Iori in the face*
Iori: Boogy boogy booo! *Tosses Dan up beside the wall*
Dan: Ack! Im getting my butt kicked! I hope Joe wakes up soon enough to help me out!
Joe: *sipping tea in the corner* What are you talking about Dan, I've been over here the whole time
Dan: HELP ME YOU MORON!
Joe: Hey Iori! I got some beef Jerky!
Iori: *gets distracted*
Dan: *slips on his Commando Glasses*
Captain Saikyo: Here I go! Time to stuff your stocking! YAAHOOOII!!
C.S: Captain fiyaaa!
Iori: *dodges*
Dan: Uh oh!
Iori: *kicks Dan in the nuts*
Dan: Yooooowwww!
Iori: *snickers*
Dan: *begins crying*
Joe: Bwaaahahahaha!
Iori: Bwwwaaaaaaahahaha!
Dan: Hee hee, Bwaaahaahahaha!
Joe: Bwwwaaaaahahaha!
Dillinger: Bwaaahahaha!
Iori: Bwaaahaaahaaa!
Dan: Merry Christmas everyone! Bwaahaahaa!
Joe: But its past new years!
Iori: Bwwaaahahaha! This isn't that funny! Bwaahaha!
Dan: I know, but maybe if we laugh some more they will start laughing, bwwaahhaha!
So, Santa came through on his end of the bargin and built Dan a super delux mansion with pink leapord skin interior, jaccuzi, and everything. And Joe got his new job, he now works at an arcade. I however, didnt get my wish, and had the end that story with something resembling the jokes that Bob Sagat turns DOWN.
*Sakura is in the kitchen humming an Xmas tune while preparing a big dinner for Christmas time*
Sakura: Deck the halls with bowls of Holly, fa la la la laaa, la la la la. Tis the season to be Jolly , etc, etc
Sakura: I wonder if my roast is done...
*Joe and Jin peek from around the corner*
Joe: Oh man, what are we gonna do! Sakura doesn't know how to cook!
Jin: I don't know, it always gives me gas, and the pukes.
Joe: yuk
Jin: Ruby is helping her too, and thats not much better
Ruby: What was that?
Jin: DDaaahhH!
Ruby: *hits Jin with an anchor*
*back in the living room, Dan is shaking his gifts*
Dan: Shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake your Christmas, Christmas Presents!
Jin: Dan stop messing around!
Dan: Leave me alone Satome!
Kei: *jumps out of her room dressed as an elf with pointy ears and a short skirt/long shirt thing that Link from the legend of zelda would wear*
Kei: Merry Christmas! Ho Ho Ho!
Joe: What? You want your stocking stuffed or something?
Kei: tee hee hee, no silly, here, help me hang up the stockings for Santa
Joe: Bah, humbug
Kei: Oh, dont be a fuddy duddy
Jin: *whispering to Dan* she is talking that baby talk again
Dan: *snickers*
Joe: Hey Kei me and the boys are gonna make a run to the liqour store to get some egg nog stuff, be back soon
Kei: Ok!!
*the trio exit the house and hear someone screaming*
Jin: Hey, is that Guile?
Benimaru: *runs up* Please help me!
Jin: Gahh, its another fruit!
Benny: No! Im not!
Dan: Uh oh, check it out!
*Benny has been followed by 3 people, the first dressed in a sailor outfit, the second dressed in a get up similar to storm, and the third dressed in a Psyclocke ninja bathing suit*
Cable: Come on, dont act like you dont like it
Cyclopes: Come on and join our group!
Iceman: Icebeam!! Icebeam!! *makes a phallous made of Ice and attaches it to his arm*
Benny: NNNnnnooooo!! Im not like that!
Cyke: Sure, sure.
Jin: You! I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again!
Cable: well, you didn't
Jin: You blew up my Mech!!!
Joe: Benny, get behind us, we will take care of this terrible trio!
Dan: Ikozura!
Joe: Lets get the show on the road! *does a quick uppercut that cuases a mini tornado* hurricane uppah!!
Cyclopes: *backflips away*
Dan: *runs at Iceman*
Iceman: *swings the Ice Phallus at Dan*
Dan: *punches the Ice contraption and shatters it while making a Bruce Lee noise* wwwwoooooooooooooooo!
Iceman: Dahh! You broke my toy!
Dan: Im gonna break your face! Ikozura!!! *grabs Iceman but Iceman wraps his arms around Dan in a bear hug*
Iceman: You need to chill out!
Dan: Oh, your so punny, AhhhH!
*Iceman has frozen Dan in a casing, but lets see how the other battles are faring*
*Jin bum rushes Cable with a lunging punch*
Cable: You wanna play huh? *grabs Jin's arm and does a backward flip toss thingie, landing Jin on his back*
Jin: Ooof!
Cable: Your nothing without your Mech! *pulls out gun and shoots Jin with it* Piyo! Piyo!
Jin: TYhoooooonnnn!! *spins into Cable, knocking him around some*
Cyclops: Optic Blast!
Joe: *gets hit in the chest and staggers back* Heh, your gonna have to do better than that, THRUST KICK! *lunges forward and kicks Cyke in the chest, sending him reeling*
Joe: *runs to follow up his attack* Here I come!
IceMan: ICE BEAM!
*Joe gets hit by the side and his upper body gets covered in a fine layer or ice*
Joe: What? grrrrr! *shatters the ice and breaks free*
*Joe turns to Iceman, but while distracted he is tackled by Cyclopes*
Cyke: I'll hold him while you hit him Iceman!
Iceman: Yeah! OOOooooo??
Dan: *has kneed Iceman in the small of the back* We arnt finished yet, bbboooooooyyyeeeeee!
Cable: *jumping high in the air* Viper Beam!!
*the viper beam inpacts around Jin, causeing the earth around him to be broken up into dust*
Jin: Ultimate Typhoon! *the dust turns into a tornado as Jin sweeps Cable into it and sends him spiraling towards the ground*
Back at Iceman...
Dan: *has Iceman by the collar* Freeze! *punch* Chill out! *punch* Cool move! *punch* you sound like a Prima Fighting Game guide! *sneezes* Damn I think I cuaght a cold from you, that makes me mad!
Iceman: *has used the sneeze to his advantage and made a sword arm out of Ice*
Iceman: Die! *runs it through Dan*
Dan: *looks at Iceman funny* You stabbed me!
*the fight stops and everyone looks at Dan*
Dan: He stabbed me!
*Iceman breaks off the Icesword from his hand and Dan staggers back a bit*
Dan: Ow! This is suppose to be a funny fanfic! We where suppose to be drunk right now and be telling Me Suit jokes, but now I got stabbed. That ruined my day! *coughes up blood like he was in an anime* Ack! Im coughing up blood! This sucks! You ruined Miller Time!*passes out*
Jin: DDDDDDDAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!
Cable: *Eye twinkles as he presses his Hyper Viper beam to Jin's back* Hyper, VIPER BEAM!!!!
Jin: WWWAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Ruby: *bust out of the house* Dan!!!!!! NO!
Ruby: *turns Period of the Blood Ruby*
Ruby: *runs at Iceman and swings her anchor at him*
Iceman: *blocks with his Iceshield and counters with a devestating(tm) kick to her stomach*
Ruby: *gets knocked back, but rolls to her feet* Chevalle, Sellah!
* a pillar of water/blue fire erupts under Iceman launching him upwards*
Iceman: I would say something but I've run out of puns!
Ruby: *turns into a ball of Fire and drives through him*
Iceman: Doh!
*As Ruby descents from her mid air attack, Cable tosses a stun grenade where she would land, and it explodes, sealing her in place as Cable drop kicks her and she flys into the house, Cable follows her*
Cyclopes: Iceman give me a hand over here!
Joe: *knees him in the stomach and then kicks him in the nads*
Iceman: Alright! ARTIC ATT...what?
Dan: *grabs Iceman from behind* Oyajiiiiii! *performs Otoko Michi and explodes*
Joe: This will teach you some pride! *drives his knee into Cyclopes face, breaking his eyepeice*
Cyke: Uh oh!
Jin: Joe look out! *knocks Joe out of the way and gets hit with the full blast*
*the full blast knocks away Jin and destroys the house*
Joe: Cyclopes, your fly is undone!
Cyke: *looks*
Joe: *turns away, not wanting to see such a feat of horror*
Cyke: *dies*
Joe: There, now lets go get ...
Cable: Nobody move!
*Joe turns, and where the porch used to be he sees Ruby and Sakura laying unconcsioce at the feet of Cable, who has his gun pressed to Kei's head*
Joe: Kei! *begins to make a move*
Cable: Ah ah ah! you forget she isn't a fighting game character, one shot will kill her easily, unlike you who will take minimum damage
Joe: Grrr, LET HER GO!!!
Cable: Not until you tell us where Benny Baby is!
Joe: I dont know, he just went into the house when you arrived
Cable: Not good enough *readys gun*
Kei: Joe!!!!
*a blimp hovers above the battle*
????: To protect the world from devestation!!!
????2: To unite all people within our nation!!!
????: To denouce the evil of truth and love!!!
????2: To extend our reach to the stars above!!!
Mature: Mature!
Vice: Vice!
Mature: Team Lesbo blast off lickedy split!
Vice: Faster than men, who pack their shit!
*Mature and Vice jump down from the blimp*
*Mature slashes Cables arm as Vice sweeps him out form under his feet*
Kei: *runs to safety* Run! Run!
*Mature and Vice go crazy on Cable*
Cable: *dies* X_X
Mature: Ha! Easy win!
Vice: What happened to that pink guy? Is he with Cable too?
Ruby: No! He is my boyfriend! Somebody help!
Kei: Ill help! *puts hand on Dan's wound and begins to glow*
Joe: Hey what are ya doing!
Kei: Healing!
Sakura: I never knew you could heal
Kei: Well I never was around when you got beat up! I only appear after you win a fight!
Kei: Uh oh! Im to weak to help him! Maybe if I release all my energy all at once!
Kei: *takes off her clothes*
Joe: Ahh puttem back on puttem back on!
*After a while, all the heroes are back to fighting strength*
Dan: Oh man! My house! Its ruined!
Joe: Some Christmas this turned out to be..
Kei: We need a Christmas Miracle!
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, thats my speciality!
Ruby: Santa Cluase!
Dan: Santa I want a new house for Christmas!
Joe: I want a new job!
Jin: I want a new robot!
Sakura: I want some new panties!
Kei: I want Joe to marry me!
Joe: ack!
Santa: Hold on now, I can grant all of your wishes.....for a price
Dan: WWWWhhhhhaatttt? I thought this was the season of giving?
Santa: Well, you thoght wrong, its the season of rushing to stores and beating others to the toys
Joe: Well what do you want?
Santa: Simple really, a day off
Dan: But you only work one day a year
Santa: Thats right, and I've been working without a day off for eternity. Now I want someone to take over
Dan: I'll do it!
Santa: But your a rookie, choose one person to go with you and help
Dan: Joe! I choose you!
Joe: Sake sake Ikuzee!!!
Santa: Here Dan, you will need this *sprinkles magic dust on Dan*
SC: * dons a Pink Santa Suit minues 400 pounds and beard, thus turning into Saikyo Clause* Yahooii!
Joe: *dons a Green Link costume, to which he promtly rips off, exposing his usual attire of Boxing Shorts* Ok Dan, lets get going!
SC: On Roger, on Amatuer, on Scrubby and whiner, on newbie on loser, on geek and A Wine-O!
Joe: We only have one reindeer
SC: He deserves the attention that he demands doesn't he?
*Joe and SC are flying above the world*
SC: Ho, ho, ho! Whats our first stop Joe?
Joe: Hmmm, *reads list* Terry Bogard's house, he wants a new hat because Ken stole his.
SC: Ho, ho, ho! Ok!
*at Terry's pad, Terry is hanging up the stockings with care*
Terry: Oh, its gonna be a Bluuuuueeeee, Christmas, with Youuouuuouu in my bed!
Blue: Oh, Terry! Hurry up and come to bed or Santa wont give you anything, you naughty boy
Terry: Hey, OK!
*Terry scurries off to bed as a rumbling is heard*
SC: YAAAHOOIII!! *thump* OW!
Joe: *lands on top of Dan, the Saikyo Clause!*
SC: Dah! Get off of me!
Joe: *walks out into the living room* I see Mr Big Shot Im in Capcom vs SNK is doing ok
Joe: *looks at a pic of Blue and Terry in a cutsie hugging pose in some park somewhere*
SC: *fumbling with his magic sac*
Joe: *steals the expensive looking picture frame*
SC: Your suppose to be helping me.
Joe: Yeah yeah, just let me look in the fridge *walks down the hall*
Joe: *walks by Terry's room*
Mary: STOCK MY STUFFING ARRGGHH!
Joe: *ear perks up*
Terry: Hey come on! come on!
Joe: *bends over and looks through the key hole*
Joe: Wow, those grapplers sure are flexible
Mary: Show me the Geyser of POWER!
Terry: Oh yea baby!
Joe: *eyes widen* Wow! Go Terry, go Terry! Its your birthday!
*Mary's dog chomps Joe's ass*
Joe: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *sticks hand over mouth*
Terry: Was that you Mary?
Joe: *runs down the hall into the living room*
Dan: *is wearing Terry's new hat and admiring himself in a mirror* Oh hi Joe!
Joe: *hand still over mouth* Mmmphh!! mpphhm!
Dan: Oh cherades! Lets see, you want some suntan oil for Christmas?
Joe: *bangs the dog on the wall, hard*
Dog: Relp! *hits the floor*
Joe: *kicks the dog* that'll teach ya!
Dog: yelp! *scampers off*
Joe: *turns to Dan* Ok next house.
Dan: *has a stern face on*
Joe: What?
Dan: That dog, you kicked it
Joe: Yeah? so?
Dan: *frowns*
Joe: Dont be so sensitive!
Dan: Im not talking to you anymore
Joe: Come on, lets get outta here! *begins to walk rowards the chimely*
Dan: Your in exile buddy! I cant see or hear you *continues talking has he goes up the Chimely*
The Saikyo Clause has just started his trip, and the night is young!
Saikyo Clause: Ok, next house is Morrigans!
Joe: What's she want?
Dan/SC: A Vib-Master 3 Million EX Edition?
Joe: Whats that?
Dan: I dunno, if only I selected Ruby to come she could show me!
Joe: Oh well, lets go!
Dan: Arrg! Why am I talking to you, your in exhile!
Joe: Whatever
*Joe and Dan slide down Morrigan's chimely and emerge in the living room*
Joe: My god, it smells like fish in here!
Dan: P U!
Joe: I'll go make sure Morrigan is in bed while you unload the stuff
Dan: Ok, *begins rummaging through the sac*
Dan: Do be do be dooooo
????: pppsssstttt
Dan: Eh?
????: Psst, psstt, up here
Dan: *notices that Lilith is tied in leather straps and is hanging from the cieling*
Lilith: Morrigan said to just give me her present
Dan: this? *holds present up*
Lilith: Yeah
Dan: Here, take it *holds present up*
Lilith: No, give it to me
Dan: Well, take it
Lilith: No, ggggiiiiiivvvvvvveee it to me
Dan: I don't think I under- oh god no thats sick your only like 12 years old!
Lilith: Im five hundred and some odd years old!
Dan: Ick Im outta here, ask Joe to do it
Joe: *Enters* do what?
Dan: *points to Lilith*
Joe: Jailbait! Arrgghh!!
*Dan and Joe exit and make there way to the next house*
*Joe is sitting in a chair sipping coffee as Dan is going through his sac*
Joe: Its not in there
Dan: There HAS to be a Playstation 2 in here somewhere!
Dan: Lets see, we got a Slinkie...
Joe: Ill take that
Dan: Gameboy Color, Pokemon Blue, Gold, Silver,
Joe: Slinkie Slinkie!
Dan: Teddy bear, whats that? Oh a Tickle Me Elmo.
Joe: *throws Slinkie down stairs*
Joe: Im tellin ya its not in there, just give Yuri my phone number and lets call it even.
Dan: I thought you had Kei
Joe: doh! Your right, the old ball and chain
Dan: Lets see, PS2, PS2, we got a squeky toy, some legos, train set, GI Joe, whats that?
Bag: Me Suit!
Dan: AhhH!
Akuma: *pops out of the bag* Me Suit!
Akuma: *starts the Raging Demon*
Dan: Ack! Quick! Run away!
Akuma: *notices he cant keep up with Dan and Joe, and pulls something out of the bag*
Joe: *hiding around the corner* phew, that was close
Akuma: Me Suit! *has a roller skate on his sliding foot*
Dan: Wuh oh! RUN!
Akuma: Me Suuuiiittt!! *skates*
Joe: Quick in here! *pulls Dan into Yuri's bedroom*
Akuma: Me Suit? *keeps on sliding past, and goes through and open window*
Dan: Phew!
Joe: Now, THAT was close *gets hit with mace*
Yuri: AhhH! Perverts! *sprays Dan*
Dan: Dah! I cant see! *runs away, then falls out an open window*
Joe: *has been sprayed with mace so many times, has developed a resistance to it* Cut it out! Im not a pervert, well, maybe I am but thats beside the point, we are the good guys!
Yuri: *hits Joe with a baseball bat*
Joe: Damn! OK OK Im leaving!
*As Joe enters the living room, Dan busts in the front door and slams the door behind him*
Door: *THUMP* *muffled* Me suit!
Dan: Lets get out of here!
And our heroes go to the next house....
*Joe and Dan are standing in Remy's bedroom, Joe is looking at the list*
Joe: He wants to meet his father
Dan: Doh, I hate these emotional ones. They make me feel like Im in some sort of Christmas special. *scratches head*
Joe: Hey I got an idea....
????: Remy! Awaken!
Remy: *wakes up* wha?
*A giant cloaked figure holding a plastic lightsaber is in the room*
Vader: Remy, I am your father!
Remy: Father?
Joe: (hey man, did you fart?)
Vader: (shut up and hold me steady)
Vader: Yes, my son, I am your father. Um, Hi
Remy: You bastard! You left my sister to die!
Vader: Um, I did?
Joe: (now you did it, hes gonna kick our asses)
Vader: (shut up, let me handle this)
Joe: (Go right ahead, Suck-o Clause)
Vader: Um, Im sure I had a good reason
Remy: To be a warrior? Ha! I been waiting to do this for along time! SUPREME RISING RAGE FLASH!!
Joe: (lets run before he thinks that we are his parents)
Dan: (good idea) *throws the cloak on Remy and runs off*
Remy: *emerging from the cloak* Ha! I defeated you father! Vengance is mine! Ha ha ha!
Dan: Ok, Felicia wants a ball of yarn....
*Dan and Joe walk over to Felicia's basket where she is snoozing*
Dan: Wow! Sexy!
Joe: Ick!
Dan: Ick!?!?!!?
Joe: She is a cat!
Dan: But she has boobs!
Joe: Yeah, but she's a cat monster, Im not doing a cat monster
Dan: .....
Joe: What!?!?
Dan: Your racist arn't you?
Joe: WHAT!?!?!
Dan: You've kicked dogs and now snuff Felicia, even though she is so cute
Felicia: Meow =^.^=
Dan: Awwww!
Joe: I just dont believe in interspecies relationships
Dan: Joe, how many black people are in King of Fighters?
Joe: Um, we have a basketball guy
Dan: A Basket ball guy, that is one stereotype, one!
Joe: Look Im not racist!
Dan: *hands Joe a white sheet* Here ya go Mr Wizard
Joe: Would you cut it out! Im not racist!
*they argue back up the chimley and onward to the next house*
*Joe and Dan emerge in Raiden's home*
Joe: Hahaha, hey look, Raiden left his love doll out!
Dan: *sees Beddy Blow-you (tm) doll* Bwahahaa!
Joe: Im gonna go keep the sleigh warm, *exits*
Dan: Hmm, I have to move this doll... *picks up Doll*
Raiden: *yawn* Santa?
Dan: *freezes* Um, yes?
Raiden: Why are you taking my Doll Santa?
Dan: Oh well, um
Dan: There is a boob on the left side of her, that wont inflate fully, so Im gonna take her to my shop, fix her there, and bring her back here!
Raiden: Dah, ok!
So our heroes go to the next joke as Oni realizes he is running out of jokes and ask's Real Life Santa for a really funny one to end this story with
Dan: Well, looks like he is the last guy
Joe: *yawn* yeah lets get it over with
Iori: *snores quietly and turns over in his bed*
Dan: *thinks for a moment* Hey Joe, how are we suppose to give Iori his Riot of the Blood back?
Joe: I dunno, check the bag
Dan: *checks the bag* I found something!
Dan: *hands Joe a bag of blood*
Joe: Don't give that to me!
Dan: Your suppose to be helping out!
Joe: Yeah, but that don't mean I have to touch any gore or anything!
Dan: You whine to much!
Joe: No I don't!
Dan: Shut up and help me!
Joe: I'll help you but I ain't doing it!
Dan: FINE!
Joe: OK THEN!
Dan: WELL ALLRIGHT!
Joe: THATS FINE THEN!
Dan: WELL OK!
Joe: SO DO IT THEN!
Dan: I WILL!
Joe: WELL OK THEN!
Dan: SO LET ME!
Joe: I WILL!
Dan: SO DO IT!
Joe: I AM!
Dan: *thumps Iori's arm searching for a vein*
Joe: You've done this before havn't you
Dan: Shut up
Joe: Druggie
Dan: Shut up!
Joe: Crack head!
Dan: Silence!
Dan: *sticks a needle in sleeping Iori's arm and blood gushes out*
Joe: Oh god! *passes out cold*
Dan: *attaches bag to Iori*
Iori: Eh? *wakes up*
Dan: *grins* Merry Christmas Iori!
Iori: *tears into Dan* UUUWWWAAAAOOO!!
Dan: AAAAHHHHH!
Iori: Weee Weee weee!
Dan: *jumps back and gets into fighting stance*
Iori: Candy! Candycandycandy!
Dan: Candy? Um, here! *holds out a Jolly Rancher*
Iori: *bites into Dan's Hand* Munch!
Dan: Ahh get off me!
Dan: *kicks Iori in the face*
Iori: Boogy boogy booo! *Tosses Dan up beside the wall*
Dan: Ack! Im getting my butt kicked! I hope Joe wakes up soon enough to help me out!
Joe: *sipping tea in the corner* What are you talking about Dan, I've been over here the whole time
Dan: HELP ME YOU MORON!
Joe: Hey Iori! I got some beef Jerky!
Iori: *gets distracted*
Dan: *slips on his Commando Glasses*
Captain Saikyo: Here I go! Time to stuff your stocking! YAAHOOOII!!
C.S: Captain fiyaaa!
Iori: *dodges*
Dan: Uh oh!
Iori: *kicks Dan in the nuts*
Dan: Yooooowwww!
Iori: *snickers*
Dan: *begins crying*
Joe: Bwaaahahahaha!
Iori: Bwwwaaaaaaahahaha!
Dan: Hee hee, Bwaaahaahahaha!
Joe: Bwwwaaaaahahaha!
Dillinger: Bwaaahahaha!
Iori: Bwaaahaaahaaa!
Dan: Merry Christmas everyone! Bwaahaahaa!
Joe: But its past new years!
Iori: Bwwaaahahaha! This isn't that funny! Bwaahaha!
Dan: I know, but maybe if we laugh some more they will start laughing, bwwaahhaha!
So, Santa came through on his end of the bargin and built Dan a super delux mansion with pink leapord skin interior, jaccuzi, and everything. And Joe got his new job, he now works at an arcade. I however, didnt get my wish, and had the end that story with something resembling the jokes that Bob Sagat turns DOWN.