DISCLAIMER: Don't own Final Fantasy IX

Zidane: Why me?

Tsuki: Cause you're kawaii and you're pants always need alterations due to your tail....

Zidane: Damn you tail.

%%%%%%%%%%= time jump

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zidane is modeling in front of mirror in his and Dagger's room. "My God I am so sexy."

Dagger walks in. "Come on Zidy, it's time."

"For what?"

Dagger rolls her eyes. "To see the royal tailor dear."

"But why. I have a perfectly good pair of pants right here."

Dagger looks at pants and sees a rip down one leg as well as a few holes in the knees, frayed bottoms and a ripped off pocket. "Yes lovely pants dear. Now come on it's time to go."

"But I don't wanna."

"Stop being a baby and let's go. Now!"

"Okay. If I have to." He Walks out of room with his tail hanging limply at his feet thinking about the torture the next few hours will hold. He leans over whispering to Dagger. "He's not going to touch my tail is he?"

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Dagger and Zidane reach the hallway just outside of the Royal Taylor's office.

Zidane slows down and refuses to budge. "Seriously, like my tail is personal and stuff."

"But I touch it."

"Yeah but I sleep with you."

"Zidane Tribal did you happen to forget we are in the royal palace among many guards." Dagger lowers voice, "And our sex life should not be mentioned out loud."

"Well they know what we do at night. I mean do they think we just go to bed and sleep?"

"Zidane!"

Finally they reach the door of the tailors. Dagger knocks and opens the door. "Eiko are you ready for us?"

"Eiko! Oh hell-"

"Zidane!"

"Sorry but if Eiko is doing it I'm not going and that's final!"

%%%%%%%%%%% ( think like 10 minutes later)

Zidane is standing on a stool mumbling random curses, with his arms crossed while Dagger tells Eiko what she wants.

"I heard that Zidane Tribal!"

"Okay." Eiko says happily. "Let's get started." She takes a very short measuring tape and begins to measure.

Zidane is holding his breath and trying to make no contact with the obsessed girl whatsoever. However he is failing miserably due to the fact the measuring tape is only six inches long and things are getting a bit too personal for him.

A guard comes running up. "Your Majesty, Beatrix needs to see you this very moment with some very important... uh papers for you to sign."

Dagger looks at Zidane, "Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

"No!"

"Of course you will. It will only take me a couple minutes." She gets up and kisses him on the cheek, then walks to the door pulling it shut behind her.

Oh my God. I am going to DIE!! "No please don't touch me there...." Dagger is going to kill me if someone is hiding and tells her a totally blown out of proportion story. "Please remove your hand from my tail."

"But Dagger said you wanted a hole cut in the back of your pants for your tail."

"I changed my mind."

"Oops what did you say. You changed your mind? Well then I guess I'll have to start all over and make a new pair, but your measurements are off by a tiny millicentimeter (A/N: My word do not ask)

"No that won't be necessary I'll just have the hole."

Just then Dagger comes back in. "I'm back. Now was that so terrible?"

"Yes." You have no idea how bad it was. "Can we leave now?"

"No I haven't gotten to the inseam yet."

Happy place. Happy plaaaaace. I am in my happy place. No Eiko. Oh God only Dagger touches me th-...hello. That's uncalled for. Dagger at any time you can step in and save me from this hormone crazed female. Please? Happy place still. Hello please stop. Oh God. I'm gonna be in the bath for weeks...no wait maybe months...hell why not just a whole year.

"Okay all done." Eiko said.

"Finally. I thought it would never end."

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Dagger and Zidane are in the bath with bubbles. Zidane is soaking up to his eyeballs and later scrubbing vigorously with the soap.

"Dagger hand me more soap. I need more soap."

"That's three bars already and we haven't even been in her ten minutes yet. Stop overreacting."

Zidane just looks at her. "Do you have any idea how violated I feel?"

Dagger rolls her eyes and dramatically says "No idea dear, how violated?"

"She touched me in places that should not be touched. Well by anyone other than you that is."

"Awww poor Zidy. Do you need a hug?"

"No. I need more soap."

Dagger shakes her head and hands him another bar of soap. "Just think next week when we have to get your clothes measured on you to make sure they fit."

"Order more soap Dagger. I have a strange feeling we're going to need it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tsuki: ^_^! Awww he feels violated.

Zidane:*rolling on ground and twitching* Did you have to do Eiko?

Tsuki: Yes. It wouldn't have been funny any other way.

Zidane: Hell-spawned female......*continues to mutter*

Tsuki: Arigato! Review guys! Ja ne!