Disclaimer: If you think I'm J.K. Rowling, I need a donation to my college
fund.
~
"Hullo Ginny," Ellen Waverly called, snapping her trunk closed and turning to face her friend, "want to help me teach the first years exploding snap?"
Ginny closed her own trunk and sat down on it. "No thanks, El." She ignored her friend's strange expression and kept her eyes on the toes of her shoes until Ellen crossed the dormitory to ask Mary Callen instead. After a brief, but loud, search for Mary's cards, the two left the room.
The other two fifth year girls were already down in the common room, trying to get the attention of the seventh year boys. On any other day, Ginny would have been glad to be with Ellen and Mary for a game of exploding snap. Fred and George gave her a new set of cards for her birthday, and she would have been more than happy to show them to her friends, but not today, the first day back at Hogwarts.
She hugged her knees to her chest and closed her eyes. "He's not here anymore, Gin," she reminded herself, "that was years ago. Harry destroyed the diary. He saved you. Stop being an idiot." Opening her eyes, Ginny shook her head. She needed to stop lying to herself; he was still there.
She looked around the dormitory. It was the same one that she used five years ago, when she was Ginny Weasley by day, and the Heir of Slytherin by night. Tom Riddle stole her innocence, as surely as if he raped her. She was forced to grow up faster than the others her age, and things could never have gone back to normal after all that had happened first year.
When You-Know-Who rose again, Ginny knew. She felt his call as surely as the Death Eaters felt their marks burn. She knew that the innocence she had managed to reconstruct was to be shattered again. Only she wouldn't be alone this time. There would be no childhood while the Dark Lord was strong. Their days of giggling and gossiping were soon to end, and they would all have to grow up very quickly. Bill, Charlie, and Percy were young during the Dark Lord's first reign. "And just look at what happened to Percy," Ginny sighed. How many more would sacrifice for their own safety?
Ginny's eyes traveled over the various knick-knacks that already littered her roommates' bedside tables. Framed relatives waved back at her amid pastel-colored makeup cases and singing action figures of favorite bands (silent for the moment.) How strange these things seemed. So normal, even though news of killings attributed to You-Know-Who covered the front pages of the Daily Prophet and Witch Weekly that summer.
Ginny's own table was home to a family picture (minus Percy, who still sulked just outside the edge) in a scratched frame, her contacts case, and her drawing notebook. Noticing the latter, Ginny got up from the trunk and retrieved the notebook, sitting cross-legged on her bed to look at it. Hermione had promised to look up a charm that would make the drawings move, but hadn't gotten around to doing so yet. Looking at them now, Ginny wasn't so sure she wanted them to move anyway. It didn't seem important anymore. She closed the notebook suddenly and shoved it into the top drawer of the bedside table.
Reaching behind her, she grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest, pressing her face into it. Every year this happened. Every year she hated him, loved him, and missed him. Once she got past the first day, the rest of the school year was better, though. On the first day of her second year, Ginny sat in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom in front of the entrance to the Chamber for hours, long after curfew, wondering if he would come for her. Of course, he hadn't, and Ginny had a time trying to get back through the portrait hole without being discovered. Now she knew better than to do that, but the pain wasn't any less. It was as though part of her was dead.
Ginny pulled the curtains around her bed closed, and sank back onto the mattress. When the girls came back into the dormitory an hour or so later, Ginny pretended to be asleep. She heard Mary whispering to Victoria, whose bed was right next to Ginny's. Then Ellen and Liz's hushed voices joined in. Ginny tried not to listen, setting her jaw and covering her head with her pillow. Suddenly the voices stopped, and Ginny heard Victoria say simply "Go on," before the curtains on Ginny's bed were pulled aside to reveal four nervous faces.
"Ginny, get that pillow off your head right now," Victoria demanded, seizing the thing and pulling it out of Ginny's grip. Ginny grabbed pathetically for it, then rolled over and continued to ignore them.
"What did we do, Gin?" Ellen asked, trying to pull Ginny back.
"Nothing," said Ginny dully.
"Then why are you acting like this?" Liz wondered
"Acting like what?" Ginny asked, turning around and facing her four friends.
"Come on, Gin," Mary rolled her eyes, "you know what we mean."
"I'm not mad at you," Ginny assured them, "I'm just a little tired, that's all."
"You're sure you're not mad at us?" Ellen peered at her friend. Surely, there must be more to it, but she didn't really want to know what that was.
"Yeah," Ginny nodded. "Well, I'll just sleep, then?"
The other girls all nodded and the curtain fell back into place. Ginny rolled over, then realized she was still wearing her robes. She got up and changed, not meeting the eyes of her friends, and crawled back into bed. As she bunched the covers comfortably below her chin, she told herself once more that Tom Riddle was in her past. Her family and her friends were her future, maybe even Harry, if she could dream, anyway. She didn't need to relive first year anymore.
~
"Hullo Ginny," Ellen Waverly called, snapping her trunk closed and turning to face her friend, "want to help me teach the first years exploding snap?"
Ginny closed her own trunk and sat down on it. "No thanks, El." She ignored her friend's strange expression and kept her eyes on the toes of her shoes until Ellen crossed the dormitory to ask Mary Callen instead. After a brief, but loud, search for Mary's cards, the two left the room.
The other two fifth year girls were already down in the common room, trying to get the attention of the seventh year boys. On any other day, Ginny would have been glad to be with Ellen and Mary for a game of exploding snap. Fred and George gave her a new set of cards for her birthday, and she would have been more than happy to show them to her friends, but not today, the first day back at Hogwarts.
She hugged her knees to her chest and closed her eyes. "He's not here anymore, Gin," she reminded herself, "that was years ago. Harry destroyed the diary. He saved you. Stop being an idiot." Opening her eyes, Ginny shook her head. She needed to stop lying to herself; he was still there.
She looked around the dormitory. It was the same one that she used five years ago, when she was Ginny Weasley by day, and the Heir of Slytherin by night. Tom Riddle stole her innocence, as surely as if he raped her. She was forced to grow up faster than the others her age, and things could never have gone back to normal after all that had happened first year.
When You-Know-Who rose again, Ginny knew. She felt his call as surely as the Death Eaters felt their marks burn. She knew that the innocence she had managed to reconstruct was to be shattered again. Only she wouldn't be alone this time. There would be no childhood while the Dark Lord was strong. Their days of giggling and gossiping were soon to end, and they would all have to grow up very quickly. Bill, Charlie, and Percy were young during the Dark Lord's first reign. "And just look at what happened to Percy," Ginny sighed. How many more would sacrifice for their own safety?
Ginny's eyes traveled over the various knick-knacks that already littered her roommates' bedside tables. Framed relatives waved back at her amid pastel-colored makeup cases and singing action figures of favorite bands (silent for the moment.) How strange these things seemed. So normal, even though news of killings attributed to You-Know-Who covered the front pages of the Daily Prophet and Witch Weekly that summer.
Ginny's own table was home to a family picture (minus Percy, who still sulked just outside the edge) in a scratched frame, her contacts case, and her drawing notebook. Noticing the latter, Ginny got up from the trunk and retrieved the notebook, sitting cross-legged on her bed to look at it. Hermione had promised to look up a charm that would make the drawings move, but hadn't gotten around to doing so yet. Looking at them now, Ginny wasn't so sure she wanted them to move anyway. It didn't seem important anymore. She closed the notebook suddenly and shoved it into the top drawer of the bedside table.
Reaching behind her, she grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest, pressing her face into it. Every year this happened. Every year she hated him, loved him, and missed him. Once she got past the first day, the rest of the school year was better, though. On the first day of her second year, Ginny sat in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom in front of the entrance to the Chamber for hours, long after curfew, wondering if he would come for her. Of course, he hadn't, and Ginny had a time trying to get back through the portrait hole without being discovered. Now she knew better than to do that, but the pain wasn't any less. It was as though part of her was dead.
Ginny pulled the curtains around her bed closed, and sank back onto the mattress. When the girls came back into the dormitory an hour or so later, Ginny pretended to be asleep. She heard Mary whispering to Victoria, whose bed was right next to Ginny's. Then Ellen and Liz's hushed voices joined in. Ginny tried not to listen, setting her jaw and covering her head with her pillow. Suddenly the voices stopped, and Ginny heard Victoria say simply "Go on," before the curtains on Ginny's bed were pulled aside to reveal four nervous faces.
"Ginny, get that pillow off your head right now," Victoria demanded, seizing the thing and pulling it out of Ginny's grip. Ginny grabbed pathetically for it, then rolled over and continued to ignore them.
"What did we do, Gin?" Ellen asked, trying to pull Ginny back.
"Nothing," said Ginny dully.
"Then why are you acting like this?" Liz wondered
"Acting like what?" Ginny asked, turning around and facing her four friends.
"Come on, Gin," Mary rolled her eyes, "you know what we mean."
"I'm not mad at you," Ginny assured them, "I'm just a little tired, that's all."
"You're sure you're not mad at us?" Ellen peered at her friend. Surely, there must be more to it, but she didn't really want to know what that was.
"Yeah," Ginny nodded. "Well, I'll just sleep, then?"
The other girls all nodded and the curtain fell back into place. Ginny rolled over, then realized she was still wearing her robes. She got up and changed, not meeting the eyes of her friends, and crawled back into bed. As she bunched the covers comfortably below her chin, she told herself once more that Tom Riddle was in her past. Her family and her friends were her future, maybe even Harry, if she could dream, anyway. She didn't need to relive first year anymore.