Hey hey! I'm finally back and ready to do some updating! Long 3 days
and I;m so glad to be back. Hope you all are ready for a nice angsty
update..hehe! Here we go:
Disclaimer: Pshh everyone knows I own nothing of anything! (did that make sense? hehe)
"Speaking"
Another day gone, wasted. How much of this can I take? I live a life of somebody else..this can't be mine. I didn't bargain for these dreary days. I ask myself..what did I do to deserve this? Is it because I want what I can't have? I want you Rei..but if you wanted me, you would of stayed, right?
Another night I will lie awake and wonder. Wonder where you are, what you are doing. Do you miss me like I miss you? Are you ever going to return?
I think I made up my mind. Rei, if your not coming back, then I am going to find you. No more of these miserable nights. No more days where we practice but never get better. No more torturing kisses from Lee. I want out of this all Rei. You have no idea...
Dinner was no different. Lee stealing glances at me from those treturous eyes. Gary eats as if it is his last meal..which I don't blame him for. Who knows when our last day will be? Poor Kevin, I think he is more afraid of Lee than I. When I am done eating, which is barely anything, I excuse myself from dinner. Lee looks at me with that awful smirk and raises his eyebrows.
"Oh Mariah? Is everthing allright? Where are you going? You barely touched your food!" And I swear I can hear him snickering. I swear he is laughing and taunting me. I can hear his thoughts scream "Rei is gone you fool! He will never love you!"
He can't be right. He can't be! I know you must love me Rei. If you didn't, why would you write me letters? You even sent me one today. I am holding it now, reading it again and again.
Mariah,
Everything is doing fine. Practice seems to be going well, and our team is getting along for the most part. Kai is himself as always, Cheif is inseperatable from Dizzi and Max is cheery. Tyson is getting much much better and I have faith in him. I hope everything is going well with you. Maybe our paths will cross soon, who knows? See you around.
Rei
I know there must be a coded messege of love in there somewhere. Isn't there?
So many times a day do I want to write you and tell you the truth..no everything is not okay. But when I read your letters I feel giddy and alive. Rei you are the one living for me. And yet..you can't know it.
I miss you and I can't bear another day without you.
I place the letter on my bed and stare at the window. Yes Rei..our paths will soon cross. I will make them cross.
I hear pounding on the door. Why does he need to do that? He is a monster. A monster that will haunt my dreams until I can get away from here.
"Mariah open up!"
I sigh and put my hands to my face. The door is always open and he knows that. Does he want the pleasure of me letting him in willingly? Well he'll never get that from me. Never!
"Mariah if you don't open up....."
He threatens me, but can't do real harm. Not phisically, but emotionally..does he know what he has done? All that damage?
He yanks open the door and stares down at me. "I thought I told you to open the door" He says coldly.
I look up at him and stand up. "The door is always open. Come and go as you please..that's what you do anyways."
He looks at me like I am insane. He probably wonders why I talk to him like that. But like I said, I am not afraid of him. No matter how badly he wants me to be.
"Well then...you deserve what you get!"
I close my eyes expecting what will come. He shoves me against the wall and holds my face in place. He presses his lips hungrily to mine and runs his fingers through my hair. His tongue finds its way into my mouth and I squirm with panic.
His rough hands slide down to my hips where they find their place. You hold me here and explore my mouth with such desperation.
A kiss from me is all you will ever get. You will never get anything more from me Lee.
I tense up as he pushes against me one last time. He licks his lips and runs his thumb down my cheek.
I stand there panting, probably looking as pathetic as I feel. Lee leaves my room in a swift movement.
That's it! I am not staying here. I cannot take that anymore. Lee will kill me this way. He will just kill me.
Many times have I thought of killing myself first. I have almost gone through with it but I can't. It's not right, I have been taught that. What would it prove? It would deffinately bring you back Rei. But only for my funeral. I wouldn't be able to take it back.
Sometimes I wonder..would you miss me if I was dead? I would love to find out..but if you did miss me..how would I come back? I couldn't, so it's not worth it. At least it would teach Lee that playing games is wrong.
I don't want to swim in my sorrow anymore.
I open my closet and pull clothes out by the handful. I take my old tattered suitcase and fling it onto the bed.
I stop..to admire a poster of you that hangs in the back of my closet. Now you migh think I was obsessed..but I bought it so I can always see you. Not just from my dreams.
Rei, I am going to find you. Even if it takes monthes. I love you and love among else is what keeps me alive.
I throw things carelessly into the suitcase and shut it with much trouble. I scribble the words 'gone' on a piece of paper and leave it on my bed. I wonder what Lee would do? How will he treat the others?
Gary, Kevin..I'm sorry. I wouldn't leave you here if I didn't have to. But you'll understand one day when love hits you. It's like a fire inside you that keeps burning no matter how many times you try and put it out. I'm sorry...
Tonight I am going to leave. I am going to get on a plane and leave. I've been saving up money for a ticket because this was a premeditated plan. I knew I couldn't live without you for long.
I tiptoe down the stairs, hoping the old wooden house will not creak. I catch a last glimpse of Lee asleep on the couch with the television gleaming. I open the door slowly and throw myself outside. I shut the door quickly before anyone knows it was ever open.
Goodbye White Tigers...one day I shall be back. Good bye China..one day I shall be back. Goodbye tears..no more will I cry. Goodbye...
Yay! Mariah got the smarts to leave! (Honeslty I didn't think she was smart enough to leave but hey!) Yes, those who don;t know it..I dislike Mariah. She wouldnt be so bad if she didnt like Rei..or have pink hair. But I dislike her, that I do! Torture is fun hehe...hehe..hehe..! Well I hope you all liked this chapter! Please review *puppy dog eyes* Tootles till then-
~Kuro Sora~
Disclaimer: Pshh everyone knows I own nothing of anything! (did that make sense? hehe)
"Speaking"
Another day gone, wasted. How much of this can I take? I live a life of somebody else..this can't be mine. I didn't bargain for these dreary days. I ask myself..what did I do to deserve this? Is it because I want what I can't have? I want you Rei..but if you wanted me, you would of stayed, right?
Another night I will lie awake and wonder. Wonder where you are, what you are doing. Do you miss me like I miss you? Are you ever going to return?
I think I made up my mind. Rei, if your not coming back, then I am going to find you. No more of these miserable nights. No more days where we practice but never get better. No more torturing kisses from Lee. I want out of this all Rei. You have no idea...
Dinner was no different. Lee stealing glances at me from those treturous eyes. Gary eats as if it is his last meal..which I don't blame him for. Who knows when our last day will be? Poor Kevin, I think he is more afraid of Lee than I. When I am done eating, which is barely anything, I excuse myself from dinner. Lee looks at me with that awful smirk and raises his eyebrows.
"Oh Mariah? Is everthing allright? Where are you going? You barely touched your food!" And I swear I can hear him snickering. I swear he is laughing and taunting me. I can hear his thoughts scream "Rei is gone you fool! He will never love you!"
He can't be right. He can't be! I know you must love me Rei. If you didn't, why would you write me letters? You even sent me one today. I am holding it now, reading it again and again.
Mariah,
Everything is doing fine. Practice seems to be going well, and our team is getting along for the most part. Kai is himself as always, Cheif is inseperatable from Dizzi and Max is cheery. Tyson is getting much much better and I have faith in him. I hope everything is going well with you. Maybe our paths will cross soon, who knows? See you around.
Rei
I know there must be a coded messege of love in there somewhere. Isn't there?
So many times a day do I want to write you and tell you the truth..no everything is not okay. But when I read your letters I feel giddy and alive. Rei you are the one living for me. And yet..you can't know it.
I miss you and I can't bear another day without you.
I place the letter on my bed and stare at the window. Yes Rei..our paths will soon cross. I will make them cross.
I hear pounding on the door. Why does he need to do that? He is a monster. A monster that will haunt my dreams until I can get away from here.
"Mariah open up!"
I sigh and put my hands to my face. The door is always open and he knows that. Does he want the pleasure of me letting him in willingly? Well he'll never get that from me. Never!
"Mariah if you don't open up....."
He threatens me, but can't do real harm. Not phisically, but emotionally..does he know what he has done? All that damage?
He yanks open the door and stares down at me. "I thought I told you to open the door" He says coldly.
I look up at him and stand up. "The door is always open. Come and go as you please..that's what you do anyways."
He looks at me like I am insane. He probably wonders why I talk to him like that. But like I said, I am not afraid of him. No matter how badly he wants me to be.
"Well then...you deserve what you get!"
I close my eyes expecting what will come. He shoves me against the wall and holds my face in place. He presses his lips hungrily to mine and runs his fingers through my hair. His tongue finds its way into my mouth and I squirm with panic.
His rough hands slide down to my hips where they find their place. You hold me here and explore my mouth with such desperation.
A kiss from me is all you will ever get. You will never get anything more from me Lee.
I tense up as he pushes against me one last time. He licks his lips and runs his thumb down my cheek.
I stand there panting, probably looking as pathetic as I feel. Lee leaves my room in a swift movement.
That's it! I am not staying here. I cannot take that anymore. Lee will kill me this way. He will just kill me.
Many times have I thought of killing myself first. I have almost gone through with it but I can't. It's not right, I have been taught that. What would it prove? It would deffinately bring you back Rei. But only for my funeral. I wouldn't be able to take it back.
Sometimes I wonder..would you miss me if I was dead? I would love to find out..but if you did miss me..how would I come back? I couldn't, so it's not worth it. At least it would teach Lee that playing games is wrong.
I don't want to swim in my sorrow anymore.
I open my closet and pull clothes out by the handful. I take my old tattered suitcase and fling it onto the bed.
I stop..to admire a poster of you that hangs in the back of my closet. Now you migh think I was obsessed..but I bought it so I can always see you. Not just from my dreams.
Rei, I am going to find you. Even if it takes monthes. I love you and love among else is what keeps me alive.
I throw things carelessly into the suitcase and shut it with much trouble. I scribble the words 'gone' on a piece of paper and leave it on my bed. I wonder what Lee would do? How will he treat the others?
Gary, Kevin..I'm sorry. I wouldn't leave you here if I didn't have to. But you'll understand one day when love hits you. It's like a fire inside you that keeps burning no matter how many times you try and put it out. I'm sorry...
Tonight I am going to leave. I am going to get on a plane and leave. I've been saving up money for a ticket because this was a premeditated plan. I knew I couldn't live without you for long.
I tiptoe down the stairs, hoping the old wooden house will not creak. I catch a last glimpse of Lee asleep on the couch with the television gleaming. I open the door slowly and throw myself outside. I shut the door quickly before anyone knows it was ever open.
Goodbye White Tigers...one day I shall be back. Good bye China..one day I shall be back. Goodbye tears..no more will I cry. Goodbye...
Yay! Mariah got the smarts to leave! (Honeslty I didn't think she was smart enough to leave but hey!) Yes, those who don;t know it..I dislike Mariah. She wouldnt be so bad if she didnt like Rei..or have pink hair. But I dislike her, that I do! Torture is fun hehe...hehe..hehe..! Well I hope you all liked this chapter! Please review *puppy dog eyes* Tootles till then-
~Kuro Sora~