Alice In Wonderland
**Sam, Lin and Mr. Twiddles are falling down a deep, deep hole … deep hole.**
Mr. Twiddles: *Doing a 180 as they plummet towards an abyss*
Lin: Aw … lookit him go … *Tries to flip and smacks on the ground in mid flip* OWIE!! *Begins to cry*
Sam: *Was the intelligent one and remained on her two feet* Oh come now … it's not like you have any brain cells to lose anyways …
Mr. Twiddles: *Screeches in all his monkey glory, bouncing and pointing at a posh-looking rabbit dressed in fancy clothes … with a pocket watch and glasses*
Rabbit: I'm late, I'm late, I'm so very very late! The queen, she'll surely have my head for this!
Lin: *Gasps* RABBIT!! *Points stupidly*
Sam: Noo … I thought it was a camel … *Sarcastically*
Lin: *Laughs* Ah … you're so stupid …
Sam: *Glares at her threateningly* SARCASM, YOU POTATO!
Lin: I'm not a potato, you eggplant!
Sam: *Eyes go as huge as saucers* Yeah well … you're a … a … AN UGLY TURNIP!
Lin: *Gasps* You bitch!!
Sam: You're a brussel sprout!!
Lin: CARROT STICK!!
Mr. Twiddles: *Just watches the strange argument about being vegetables*
Lin: LOOK! You let the rabbit get away you beanpole, you!
Sam: Who the FUCK cares about the- *Something slams into her*
Sora: Thanks for breaking our fall …
Sam: *Nearly dead under the weight* Get - *gasps* THE FUCK OFF ME!!
Goofy: Hyuck-hyuck-hyuck!! You're so funny, Sam …
Sam: I beg your pardon? *Is brushing herself off angrily* I'll shove my foot so far up your ass that you'll lick the bottom of my shoe!!!
**All very, very quiet**
Lin: That's gross …
Sora: That's rude …
Mr. Twiddles: *Rolls his eyes and yells out incoherent monkey squeaks*
Lin: *Gasps* He's trying to tell us something? What is it, Mr. Twiddles? Did Tommy fall down the well …
Sam: NO YOU SHRIVELLED UP CUCUMBER!! WE ARE THE ONES WHO FELL DOWN THE GODDAMN WELL!
Sora: I beg to differ, it's a rabbit hole!
Sam: BITE ME, FUCKER!
Lin: *Pats Sam* Now, now … this isn't the time to be angry. Don't get mad … get happy …
Sam: GET LOST!
**After a five minute argument … they all decided to follow the tunnel out of the rabbit hole and they end up in the bizarre room**
Donald Duck: QUACK-QUACK-QUAAAACK!! *Does the gay little noises that he does*
Sam: *Still quite pissed off* SHUT THE HELL UP!
Lin: *Points at the Heartless that are currently attacking them* LOOKIT!
Sam: *Eyes them happily* THERAPY HAS COME!! * Begins bashing them with her aluminum bat*
Lin: *Takes out her battery-powered hairdryer and pressed a button that is labeled 'Sizzlin' Hot'* BURN BITCHES, BURN!
Mr. Twiddles: *Begins throwing sand and biting crotches*
Donald: *Chucks a potion at Sora* HERE SORA! *In a stupid, duck voice*
Sam: *Takes the bat and thwacks Donald over the head* DON'T DO THAT, LET HIM DIE!! DIIIIIIIIIIIEE! *Completely forgets about the Heartless and begins beating the shit out of the duck*
**After the Heartless are all defeated**
Lin: *Turns off her dryer* Can't waste the batteries, now can I … *Grins* Good ol' Energizer Bunny … it keeps going, and going and going and-
Sam: SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!
Donald: *Semi dead on the floor, stars rotating around his head* Q-q-uaaaaack …
Sam: *Grabs one of the potions on the table* MAHAA! IT'S OURS!! *Goes off into maniacal laughter*
Lin: *Just smiles slightly*
Mr. Twiddles: *Hits his forehead stupidly and beings picking his nose*
Sora: Oh nooo … they have the only dose of potion that makes you go small! Nooo …
Sam: *Continues laughing*
Lin: *Whispers* Sam, you're starting to look like a retard …
Sam: *Shuts up* Yes well … *Drinks the whole potion and for some odd reason Lin
and the monkey turn small along with her*
Lin: OUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS ARE ONE!! *In a squeaky voice*
Sam: STOP USING THAT VOICE!! *In the same squeaky tone* NOOOOO!!! *High pitched scream as she claws at her throat*
Sora: I have an idea … let's STEP on them!
Sam: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! *Very, very squeaky tone*
**Sam, Lin and the monkey all run under the bed … and see a large hole from the wall … so they go threw it … and find a big, fat ass ugly queen in a strange retro dress sitting in her marble throne because no other material can support her fat ass. The rabbit is playing the trumpet and guards (that are playing cards, might we add) are … guarding Alice the girl who went to Wonderland**
Lin: AHA! *Pokes a card and takes out scissors threateningly* Hee … *Begins cutting shapes out from him* This is a snowflake … this is … a banana … and this one is Sam! *Holds up a circle*
Sam: Fuck you! *Ponders* Well … at least it's not a square …
Queen of Hearts: GUILTY! YOU TRIED TO ASSRAPE MY GOAT!! *Points at Alice*
Alice: IT WAS TEMPTING MEEEE!! *Cries*
Queen of Hearts: LIES!! ALL FILTHY LIES!! OFF WITH HER HEAD!
Sam: Woah, woah, woah! Lady, you can't just DO THAT!
Queen of Hearts: OFF WITH YOUR HEAD TOO!!
Sam: You missed my point entirely … What I was saying is that you just can't cut off her head because she's DIFFERENT!
Lin: Sam, aren't you homophobic?
Sam: No comments from the peanut gallery …
Lin: Peanuts … hee hee …
Sam: As I was saying, Alice has the right here … to be into beastialism. And she can't exactly assrape … at least … oh God …
Queen of Hearts: SHE HAD A STRAP-ON DILDO!!
Sam: *Puts hands over her ears* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! *High pitched scream*
Lin: It's ok! It's ok … *Pats Sam on the head*
Sam: *Turns to Alice, disgusted* YOU'RE SO NUTTY YOU MUST SHIT PEANUTS!! EEEEEW!!
Lin: Peanuts … hee hee …
Queen of Hearts: OFF WITH HER HEAD!!
Sam: Who's head is it now?
Queen of Hearts: Uh … well …
Lin: *Outburst* SHE'S FAT! *Points to the Queen*
Queen of Hearts: *Gasps, insulted* I'm JUST BIG BONED!
Sam: Oh yeah, I've heard that one before … big bones …
Lin: That's what I say about Rio … *Holds her fat kitty that came out of nowhere* Isn't that right monkey?
Mr. Twiddles: *Nods*
Lin: NOT YOU! I was talking to Gopher … *Points at her fat kitty*
Sam: *Rolls her eyes* As I was saying … *Sees out of the corner of her eye that Lin is trying to shove her cat back in her pocket*
Lin: Get in … come on … *Whispers to cat*
Sam: *Continues* Well, as I was saying … you shouldn't cut off peoples heads JUST because they raped your goats …
Queen of Hearts: That's some sound reasoning you have there … *Ponders* OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
Sam: You missed my point COMPLTELY! *Sees guards coming at her* Uh-oh … uh … you want some fruit cakes? *Offers the cakes* You look like the typical fat-arse to like these things …
Queen of Hearts: *Drools* Gimme … and … you may go because you have offered me cholesterol … mmm … and take the girl with you …
Sam: Did I say I wanted her? WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? A HOMO? A BABYSITTER? Noo … you keep her here and you don't cut her head … I'm going …
Queen of Hearts: *Is gorging herself with fruit pies and not listening*
Sam: Let's get the shit out of here …
Lin: Agreed … the leaves are talking to me …
**A vacuum comes out of the sky and sucks Alice into it and then drives off**
Sam: Well then … that's the end of her … let's just get the hell out of here … our gummi ship awaits …
Lin: *Gasps* NOW THE FLOWERS ARE SPEAKING TO ME TOO!!
Authors Note: Haa … that's some crazy shit, un huh … REVIEW … or we send the flowers and grass upon you … OR WORST … MR TWIDDLES WILL COME AND BITE YOUR CROTCH …