Qui-Gon sat around his apartment trying despairingly to find something that would occupy his tormented mind. He just came back from a series of consecutive missions hoping that would have quelled the nagging hurt within him. He had watched young ones die. Not his own padawan before, but younger crèche younglings when they were attacked by some deadly virus brought in by another new young one.
However to see his *own* padawan, Owen Lars gunned down by the "sand rats" with one blaster shot through his heart was a memory which permanently burnt its self in his mind.. Qui-Gon had not even had the time to reach the boy before he drew his last breath.
His death haunted the master endlessly. He wished he could have gotten to him so Owen would not have died alone. He also wished he would have listened to the force and not let Owen's father talk him into taking the boy when something in the back of his mind told him not too. So many regrets to think over even if Master Yoda and Mace said nothing was his fault, it didn't matter to him. Guilt ate away at the master like a cancer not easily cut out.
He also could not help but remember the eerie stare he got from Owen's little cousin as he left. Qui-Gon felt he wanted to say something but the boy never broached him for a comment. During Owen's funeral he stayed at the back of the cathedral, never once going to the coffin to see Owen one last time.
Qui-Gon seemed mesmerized by the little one that day as he watched the tears flow continually. Selena in her own world of misery couldn't bring comfort to the boy and Delon Lars could have cared less. He had to be pulled from the grave site by his brothers when they tried to bury Owen in the family's conventional way in their Mausoleum.
One of the worst days that Jinn had ever gone through and the one predominant thing that stuck in his mind of that day had not been anything remotely about his apprentice. It had to do with the Kenobi cousin that stood in the back of the cathedral and cried his eyes out. He could not shake the hollow-eyed tear-stained face of Obi-Wan Kenboi . It left him with some kind of feeling but it was at best vague. Jinn repeatedly tried to get the boy's panicked blue eyes out of his mind.
He tried taking mission after mission, favoring that over the less vigorous temple life. Now, however he was going to reverse his life completely. He began thinking during the last mission that he missed the serenity of the temple and the talks with his master and other friends that could bring him a few moments peace. He did a 360 degree turn-around and asked to be grounded to the temple for the next six months.
Yoda had him pulled from the duty roster for missions immediately. Jinn would be assigned a teaching class of his choice of age group if he wanted or he could lull around the temple and seek solace.
There was also a added position on the council he could think about too. It had been offered but he wanted time to thing. At the temple, with no big obligations he would have that time to decide whether he wanted to forfeit his active life on missions for a chair on the temple council. Also passed through his mind was the option of choosing another apprentice.
Some like Mace thought he should. Others, Master Yoda in particular said he foresaw something for Qui-Gon which might include an apprentice but it did not direct Jinn to any viable candidates right now. His former master had urged him to wait.
//I am not enthused with the knowledge that Master Yoda wants to control my future. Especially when he claims the control he seeks is because of one of his ever elusive visions. No, this time I decide what I want. I know I want the companionship of an apprentice, even another's apprentice be fine and not emotionally demanding. //
Master Dalia needed time to recover from a severe illness she contracted while battling the Hutts. It was estimated she needed at least six months to recover. She was to be given leave to return to her home world and soon as she recovered sufficiently enough to travel. Just out of a bacta tank and still hooked to wires and tubes she commed Jinn and asked him to consider training her apprentice. A training bond would not be necessary since he was almost old enough to become a knight, within a year. He might need to stay with Jinn throughout the final year of apprenticeship, should she not recover as quickly, other wise Jinn would be in charge of him for five or six months.
Nothing too long and Qui-Gon thought it would give him a *trial run* to see if he really wanted an apprentice although he knew he would have to deal with a very youngling if he took his own apprentice. He liked the idea of not forming a bond. Someone in his mind to interfere and impede his thoughts was not something he thought he could handle right now, this soon.. An initiated training bond would require a certain amount of closeness he was not yet ready for; in time maybe, but certainly not now.
//I am just not sure I want the longevity and intimacy a complete bond would require if I took my own apprentice fresh out of the choice of new initiates..//
Qui-Gon's thoughts hindered the realization of what went on around him. He was not even remotely aware of Master Yoda's presence when he walked into his home unannounced..
"Much on your mind since returned you have. Blame you should not place. Will of the force it was. Go from there you should."
Yoda's voice startled the tall master. He quickly collected his present thoughts, stored his past ones within his mind-place of memories and looked toward the direction of the spoken words. Sadness in Qui-Gon's eyes was a constant reminder to his former master than he had not gotten over the death of his apprentice as Yoda had hoped he would during his numerous missions.
"Don't you think I have tried? I don't think it is blame that I feel now. Just the numbness of loss of someone I cared for. I know he planned to stay with his father, at least I heartily suspected it, but I felt good about it. It was where he belonged. Owen certainly didn't deserve to have his life cut so short."
"Ever changing the future is. Not gone he is. One with the force eternally now I see for him. Too much good within him for anything else.."
"Master you can recant that to the crèchelings you teach, but not to me please. I know well of where he is and it eases the constant pain in my heart no less."
Yoda understood Qui-Gon's misery. He down through the years had felt it too. Some, including Qui-Gon didn't realize Yoda had lost many he loved and suffered just as his former apprentice. As he would say, "hid it well he did".
"Request I have for you. Needed on Galin again. Told Selena talk with you I would, but no promises I made on your part. No.. in this, better you decide than me this time."
Through Qui-Gon misery he managed a smile.
"Since when have you let me *decide* anything when you think you could do it for me?"
"To many painful memories in this mission I think. Go you decide. Know how I feel about it I do."
"First, why would Selena want to see me? Is there problems on the planet."
"Problems in the Lars home there is. Planet striving well it is."
" I should think I would be the last person either Lars' would want there. Haven't I caused them enough problems to last a lifetime. I got their only son killed, *remember*? What could I do to settle problems between husband and wife.?
Yoda shrugged his little shoulders as he paced back and forth. He was not sure if he wanted to tell Qui-Gon the full truth about what Selena needed. It might just scare Qui-Gon off and Yoda thought for Jinn's own good it might be a way to offer him a reprieve from his state of melancholy. It part of his vision and he knew Jinn must complete the mission. What he did from there was his decision.
"Visit with old friends good it might be hey?"
I don't think you can call the parents of my padawan that I let be killed under my care, *old friends*. I don't think Delon spoke to me after I returned and he first accused me of the death of his son. After that his guilt took over and he ended up needlessly blaming himself but no words were ever uttered by the man after that."
"In his own world he was. Lost much he did but not all I think. Good news I have from Galin to give you though. Maybe prompt you it will to go."
"Now that is something I would like to hear a bit of good news. Just what is it?………………."
##################
Qui-Gon went the following day to Galin. Selena Lars was waiting at the lane for her old friend and comrade in the Jedi order. Her face carried on it happiness where sadness had once embedded its self as Jinn watched her bury her only child.
"Master Jinn I am so pleased that you found time to visit. I take it you came only after Yoda gave you our good news?"
Selena's hands were firmly clasped by Qui-Gon larger ones. He let his eyes sweep the full length of the former Jedi knight taking in clearly the reason for his return visit, Selena's pregnancy.
"Now Selena, you know I would have come anyway. But the news of another child on the way did increase my desire to come and see you and Delon. It is about time happiness came back in your life. In turn it has made me feel a great deal lighter at heart."
Selena gave the master a hug and did not release him from it with any quick speed. Instead she rubbed his back gently while still embracing him as if he the big Jedi master needed more comfort from the thought of Owen's death than even she did.
"Qui-Gon you were not at fault no more than my dear husband was. It happened . I will never forget him but the little one here," [she patted her growing stomach]"has given me a fuller future I think. Delon is ecstatic. This new little one will not replace Owen in our hearts,it will only *enhance* his memory. Every new thing this little one experiences will bring a quiet reflection on our first child's growth."
"Is that why you sent for me, to tell me the news. You know I will want to come for your little one's naming day once born. You did not have to be bothered with me now, you could have commed or sent a letter."
"Yes, I will expect you, Mace, and Master Yoda to come for the naming day. However, this trip is explicitly for a favor to ask of you only later, after we get you settled."
"While we do that maybe I should tell you of my good news. News that I really didn't decide on until I heard of your new child. It gave me the courage to go on if you were willing too also,"
"What is your good news?"
"I plan to take a padawan, Maybe for only a while until his master recovers from an illness. Nevertheless it will be a major step forward since…...well since Owen, that I have made to become *whole* again"
Selena stopped dead in her tracks. She reached for the step's hand rail to balance herself as she tried to make it up the three little steps needed to reach the door.
"Are you alright Selena? Are you ill? Have I said something to upset you?"
"No Qui-Gon, what ever gives you that idea? The only thing that is going to make me ill is dizzily trying to answer all your questions, relax. Now let's find a big airy room facing the gardens, with lots of windows for your stay. It is beautiful here during the spring when the flowers first start blooming."
Selena left her old friend and son's former master to freshen up before last-meal. Her favor of him went unasked and unbeknownst to Jinn. It would go unvoiced forever because she knew he had at least temporarily taken a padawan. She had hoped her favor would be honored by Qui-Gon. However now she knew it could not. He had answered her question concerning her request without ever having heard it The answer was no……………
Last-meal had been nothing less than pleasant and delicious. Selena culinary talents were pushed to the limits. His hunger satisfied, Qui-Gon leaned back, placed his napkin on the table, and surveyed the faces of the parents of Owen Lars.
Delon had been cordial, even seemed glad Jinn had come for the visit. The Jedi had not known how he would be greeted by the man whose world collapsed a few months back and Jinn had his hand in the reason of Mr. Lars' life-altering event, his son's death.
"Well Selena if I knew your cooking talents had increased so I might have been back here sooner."
Jinn knew it was lie but one needed right now, if only to make comfortable a growing nervous silence between he and his hosts.
"Master Jinn there were so many years you avoided us when Owen came home that I almost thought now that we did not share Owen's best interests, you might just refuse my request to visit with us, even though we wanted to share such good news."
The Prime Minster studied Jinn a moment forgiving the man before him for any part Delon might have wrongly thought Jinn had in his son's death. Even with such a short time he came to realize Owen's demise was the will of the force and not the fault of Jinn's or even himself. He only hoped that when Selena asked the favor of him he would comply. They needed this man's help to survive; for their marriage to survive.
Qui-Gon wondered why Obi-Wan had not come to last-meal. He knew the boy still lived there, he could feel his presence. At first Jinn thought that phenomena of feeling the aura of Obi-Wan a bit astounding but he attributed it to the fact that he was so closely linked to his former apprentice thus linked to those he loved.
While last-meal had been very pleasant he got a feeling of stress between Selena and Delon. It bled through the bond of his now dead padawan even though that bond bordered on being completely snuffed out like the smoldering embers of a fire's flames just dashed with water. Jinn felt Deon Lars wanted something of him but he was not sure what. They seemed hesitant to ask and Qui-Gon decided to broach the subject first.
"Selena you said you had a favor to ask of me and you haven't yet. I am ready to hear it and hopefully be able to do whatever it is you want."
Delon gave his wife a distinctive questioning look.
"Selena how unlike you to procrastinate. I thought you would have spoken to Master Jinn by now about why we asked him here."
The flushed cheeks and flustered look let Qui-Gon know Selena's husband was not happy about her hesitancy to ask the favor.
"Go on Selena the worst I can do is refuse which I would doubt."
She blushed more profusely with her friend's assurance, but deep down Selena knew even if she asked for part of the favor, it would not be what she really wanted for Obi-Wan. Yes the favor did have to do with her nephew.
"You see Qui-Gon we were interested in the program the Jedi temple just activated that sometimes save homeless waifs on the street even without the force."
"Yes we have started a new program. The children have food, housing, and proper schooling and when they reach the age of majority they are free too go on their way, hopefully more prepare and emotionally stabilized for the outside world than they would have been living a life of disparity on the street. But my question to you would be why would you need this service we have to offer?"
"Master Jinn, my wife seems to have lost her courage and possibly regrets her decision but I haven't. You see we hoped that maybe the Jedi would take one their own Jedi's child in that program."
Instantly it came to Jinn of who they referred, though the thought of Selena giving her twin sister's son up would have never come to the Jedi before. He tried to hide the look of surprise from his pregnant friend for fear she would take it as some condemnation.
"I am not too familiar with the new project. I know we have four or five children who have been taken in housed and found .. What should I call them guardians to oversee them. Children off the streets need a one on one relationship much like a padawan. Force enhanced children are grouped in the crèche because the need is not one of a personal intimate nature because they are force sensitive. I could look into it for you and see if Master Yoda knows of a knight or less mission-active master in residence willing to oversee him. Would this be temporary or permanent until the age of adulthood?"
Selena looked down at her plate as if she was ashamed at trying to pawn her nephew off and in a whisper to Jinn she stated they were permanent plans.
"It would be permanent. My husband.. … I mean we… have decided that for the best of our family and with a new one the way, Obi-Wan should find another place to live… I would hate to put him in an orphanage."
Her quick angry look at her husband easily placed the blame where it belonged, Delon Lars. .
It was a lie at least part of it was. Her husband wanted this done and for the good of their marriage and the life for their unborn she only went along with it. With this child she wanted a perfect fairy tale life, nothing like the hell they went through with Owen in the Jedi. Should this one be force sensitive he still would forever remain with father and mother, not shipped to the temple.
She and her twin sister didn't want that for Obi-Wan but he would be forfeited for her new son's sake. And there could be no other that she would trust her nephew with, just as she entrusted her son to him. Yes, it *had* to be Master Qui-Gon Jinn.
"The word orphanage sent chills through Master Jinn and he wasn't sure why. The orphanages on Coruscant and he imagined Galin were clean housing establishment in which to raise children with no families to rely on... Maybe the child was not reinforced in personal attachments but it was far from a shabby place to live as they had once been subjected too.
"Has the boy done something unruly that requires his immediate departure from your home?"
"The only thing Obi-Wan is guilty of is having no parents in which to raise him. I was not going to ask you this because you said you were taking an apprentice."
Something didn't add up and Jinn wondered why. Selena seemed upset with him over an apprentice but what did that have to do with asking him to help get Obi-Wan in the program for the homeless little ones.
"I will look into the program for you Selena if you are sure that is what you wish to do with your nephew. My taking an apprentice has nothing to do with that. I will have time to handle the necessary arrangements for Obi-Wan's transfer to the temple if it can be done. I should have told you I only plan to oversee an older apprentice which will not even require a training bond just light supervision of his last year of apprenticeship.. I was not sure if I was ready for the duties of a young apprentice with a training bond so soon. I thought this to be a trial run for me."
Selena's face lit up even though she fought hard not to show her happiness over Jinn's announcement and still Jinn could not fathom what was going on.
"Well I think you have made a wise decision. Yes wise indeed. My favor might be answered after all."
Qui-Gon got the definite feeling that she meant more than she was saying but what? This last meal which had started out so nice and congenial was turning out to be a mystery to the tall master.
//Surely I did not misconstrue the favor she asked of me. The Lars' did not mean for me to personally take him did the?. They mean the program. I… I could not undertake such a big reasonability with the mission I go on. I can not see to his needs on a one-on-one basis.//
"Is that why the boy is not here so we could discuss this? I will contact Master Yoda and see who is available if there is someone."
"No Master Jinn I don't think I have explained myself clearly enough.".
She glanced at her husband. She knew he was willing to ship the boy off to anywhere and anyone but she wasn't. Selena plotted and planned down to every little minute detail of Obi-Wan's life with the Jedi. She had not forgotten her sister's last request for her son's future and Selena was determined to see to it that if she could not follow through with it, then she woud see too it Obi-Wan Kenobi's future would be the best that she could offer.
//Just a few minor things have to be changed until Obi-Wan is ready, that is all.//
During her Jedi tenure, whenever she had been gifted by a vision and feeling through the force she always followed whatever the force guided her toward. In this it would be no different, even in her life as a common citizen. Qui-Gon Jinn must take the boy now under his wing and later…Well there was enough time later when he had finished guiding the older padawan into his Jedi Knighthood to learn the rest about Obi-Wan, the missing piece of the puzzle. This was not the time. She felt with Jinn's admittance of not needing a training bond in order to put his life back in order as Jedi master indeed the truth about Obi-Wan would be quelled, but only until a more opportune time.
"Now Selena don't start putting stipulations on your request. Maybe Jinn does not have the time or desire to take Obi-Wan."
Qui-Gon choked on a sip of wine in his mouth over Delon's words.
"Excuse me Selena. I said I could try to get in him in the program but I didn't say I could personally oversee his stay at the temple. I go on missions…….. And…"
Jinn felt the boy's presence before he spoke, but he did not have the quickness needed to halt his chagrined opinion in order to save Obi-Wan from any undo hurt over his denial of him.. He abruptly turned to see Obi-Wan Kenobi standing in the double doorway of the dining hall.
He supplied the last words of Qui-Gon's sentence with a voice filled with sadness and a quiet resigned acceptance of not being wanted *by anyone* sitting at that table…
"And you don't want me either, do you Master Jinn?"………………..
Even with his Jedi abilities Qui-Gon could not do what he wanted too just then; kick himself in his own behind for letting the boy here him. Selena started to get up but her husband gripped her hand as she sat there and watched Obi-Wan turn and run back upstairs to his room.
Qui-Gon realized that Obi had only found out of his abrupt departure from where he had called home for almost eight years. He entered the dining room and overheard the crux of the conversation; enough to know he was not wanted here and with Jinn last comments, not at the temple either.
"Let him go Selena. The child had to find out what we were going to do anyway. He'll mend once the shock of this is over. Children are versatile like that. One minute they hate what is going on around them, then just as quickly they come around. Obi-Wan will have to *come around*. It is not unlike sending a child to boarding school or a military school. If you like he can come home for visits once he gets use to it and we have adjusted to the baby.."
It was Mr. Lars' hope to calm his wife down. She had not been well and to lose their child because of the boy would only cause more displeasure for the little one.. Qui-Gon understood that maybe more than either of them sitting there.
"He is right Selena. It is quite like a boarding school. I will go talk to him. You will see everything will be fine."
Delon Lars could tell Master Jinn was helping him keep his wife calm and for that he was grateful..
"Yes Master Jinn if you don't mind. I will get Selena settled in the main sitting room and have some tea brought to us. Yes some soothing hot tea is what you need dear. Let Master Jinn talk with the boy. I am sure being a Jedi master he will know the right things to say.
//Sure. How would I know what to say to a young one who has just found out no one in the galaxy wants him. I assume it would be much like being denied apprenticeship if one were an Initiate at the temple.//
Qui-Gon knew there were twenty steps on the stairwell to reach the second floor. He lingered on each step and mentally counted them. Any thing, he would resort to anything to cause his short journey to become a longer one.. Instead of counting the steps he already knew were there, he should have been thinking of what to say. He didn't think on it because he honestly didn't know what to say. Selena and Delon still had the misconception that he coud personally take the boy right into his apartment and raise him. Not that it hadn't been done. There was one there now. A homeless girl who lived with Master Tahl. She was not as mission active as Jinn but when she did have to leave, someone from the crèche, oversaw her ward or another master took the girl in while she was away..
//Yes, but Tahl does not have a padawan. //
Deep down Jinn knew that was just another excuse he could pile on because at the age of his new apprentice or temporary apprentice he would not need Jinn breathing down his neck and quite often would go on less dangerous solo missions.
//If I think about it I can't really come up with a reason to not take the boy other than I might one day want my own apprentice and Obi-Wan would halt that idea. I would have to keep him at least seven years. No I can't be bound and tied down to someone that is not an apprentice for that long. I will surely take an apprentice before that.//
Qui-Gon counted the last step and could not find a reason to forestall him reaching the upper hall. Once up there he realized he had forgotten to ask where the boy's room was. However a second later he knew, not from a noise, but from a weak force signature carried by Kenobi. //Still not that unusual and could be explained away, He made his way down the hall to Obi-Wan's room. It would stand to reason I could feel his connection. He was very close to Owen and his mother and aunt are Jedi. That's it. That is why I feel his presence now although we have no bond.//
One knock with no reply , but the second more forceful knock drew a reply from the boy on the other side of the door. A small quivering voice responded to Jinn's knock with the least intimidating shout Qui-Gon had ever heard. "GO. AWAY!"
//Well at least I know I have the right room.// With a little hesitancy but more built-up determination Jinn turned the door knob to find it unlocked. Before he pushed it opened he called out a soft but yet hearable warning.
"I hope you are decent in there, I am coming in without your invite."
He had no reason to think the boy hurried up the stairs and undressed, he just felt a certain responsibility to be somewhat polite as he literally barged through the door of Obi-Wan's room.
"I didn't ask you in. In fact I think I said Go AWAY!!"
"I know what you said. I have very good hearing abilities. Your aunt and uncle sent me up here to speak with you."
Obi-Wan by now had crossed the room from his bed and feigned the studying of the night out his bedroom window. It must be the night he is staring at thought Jinn. //You can't see anything else in the darkness. //
"Don't call them that."
"Excuse me?"
Jinn was not use to dealing with a child that was not a Jedi enhanced prodigy in some way. He was confused by the boy's denial of his relatives.
"Easy enough Master Jinn don't call them *my* aunt and uncle. They don't want me as their nephew in their home then I don't want them as my aunt and uncle. I have always been a stranger to them especially *him* since I came here as a little boy. I suppose I shouldn't be all that surprised that they would get rid of me now…well now that Owen is gone. He and I …….l…. he and I had something special. We kinda connected. Can you understand that?"
Jinn with his own thoughts of his now dead padawan couldn't bring forth words right then, he was too choked up with the sorrow that washed back over him. He only nodded his understanding because he had felt a connection, once. The bond with Owen that now slowly on a daily basis was dying just as Owen had.. Obi seemed to know to look up at the big master. He looked into Master Jinn's eyes. He saw the same misery in the master's eyes as he felt for the loss of his cousin who was so much more than a cousin.
"I think maybe I was just kept here to be a little brother for him when he returned. But hey you saw to it I don't have a brother and they don't have a son any longer. Maybe they should be angrier with you than me, but they're not. No they have opened arms for you. Oh I forgot they just want to use you get rid of me."
At least Jinn knew now how Obi-Wan felt about his involvement in Owen's death. It was only then he realized how strongly Owen's aura radiated throughout the room. Why not, Owen spent more time in there when he was home than he did his own room down the hall.
Jinn let his eyes roam around the room as he took in a the space ships on the dressers and everywhere. It reminded him of Owen's room which so far he had left the same as when they left for his parents home. Both boys must have shared the interest in flying crafts. Qui-Gon had no doubt a lot of the model ships were the gifts sent to Obi-Wan for numerous holidays and his birthdays. He always saved his allowance Qui-Gon gave him to send Obi-Wan a gift. .
Obi-Wan knew nothing of the Jedi how they worked. Jinn was offended that he would blame him for Owen's death Had he only known, Master Jinn would have given his own life that day for Owen's had he been able too. It was not the force's choice to take Qui-Gon. It would settle for no one less honorable than *his* Owen..
"I am up here to reason some calmness in you, not to be judged by you. Your parents have excepted Owen's fate and maybe it would be wise of you to do the same. It certainly isn't wise or fair for you to place blame on my head when you know nothing of what happened or of the Jedi."
" I overheard you and my uncle enough to know I am no longer going to live here. You are here to take me away from the only home I have known for most of life to the temple where I will be less than anyone there a non-force sensitive striving in a world of supreme beings. No thank you Master Jinn."
Qui-Gon was nearly knocked down with the realization that he in an indirect way had his hands in the problem of the child's displacement. Had Owen still been alive he doubted Owen's father would have had the courage to get rid of the boy especially with the close relationship they had. Now without his help he would be homeless yet again.
"In time you will learn more about the Jedi. You will learn enough to know without a doubt there is no reason not to trust them or me."
//What am I saying I cannot commit seven or more years of my life to this boy. He is not a Jedi. How does one even oversee a child not blessed with the force. Then there are his allergies. He is sick all the time. Panic shot through Jinn's mind along with his thoughts. I can't do this, canI/
His reasoning did not match his mindset. The force its self seemed to be pushing him toward the child but why. Maybe he imagined it. Obi-Wan Kenobi could not be an apprentice to any Jedi master. He needed the force behind him to conquer knighthood and even then some did not.
"I know a great deal of the Jedi. My mother died in the *line* of duty, Owen died the same. What else is there to know?"
You Jedi have a bad track record when it comes to my family. My aunt was the only one to survive through your elite Jedi program. In my opinion Master Jinn, I have learned a great deal about the Jedi and it was through the loss of the two people I cared about the most…..
"Well I think living with them will teach you a great deal more. I will be leaving first thing in the morning. It is part of your heritage, your mother's legacy. I would suggest you try to release your anger into the force…." //What am I saying, quoting the Jedi code to him, a child with no force abilities. I think I have lost my mind or did I ever have one?//…"Well never mind about that force stuff just release your anger *somewhere* and pack a few things. Nothing is going to change no matter how angry you get or how many temper tantrums you throw. Don't take all your models. Owen……. there are a lot of Owen's there and you will have his room."
Qui-Gon added the part about temper tantrums. He had heard of them but never witnessed one out of any child. Certainly not out of a Jedi initiate or padawan. He had heard the crèche masters discuss them when children were very young and did not have their force abilities yet.
One could not tell which was more shocked Jinn for telling the boy he was taking him back to the temple or Obi-Wan for finding out he was going after all.
In a way Kenobi, was excited. He would see Owen's room, all his things, how he lived. He would also be away from his uncle. However he had serious doubts that he and Master Jinn would get along for very long. Just listening to him as he shouted orders and that remark he made about Obi and temper tantrums already made the boy suspect that nothing good would come from their pairing. .
//What does he think I am, a baby.. Temper tantrum…...HUH!!!….. I'll show him a temper tantrum if he ever truly angers me. Besides it doesn't matter anyway. This arrangement won't last long. It won't take long for Qui-Gon to see I am nothing like Owen with his astute abilities in the Jedi way. I suppose the orphanages on Coruscant are about equal to those here; when Master Jinn decides he doesn't want to keep me either.//
Jinn walked out of Obi-Wan's room shaking his head. In his mind he cursed himself every step of the way. //I'm a nerf-head-eating idiot who has less brains than a Bantha. Sith be damn, I'm an idiot and as dumb as a Huttenese virgin on her wedding night.// Words and vulgar phrases he hadn't used since he first became a knight popped into his head and every one of them directed at only one person, himself.
//What have I done? I didn't mean to come up here, breakdown, and agree to take him. I in all my wisdom was going to flat out state why I could not take him and I have just committed the next seven years of my life to Obi-Wan Kenobi. I suppose after I talk with the Lars' I should comm Yoda. Maybe he can think of a way out of this for me.//
What Qui-Gon Jinn didn't know was Master Yoda would be eventually be jumping up and down in glee. It would turn out later, when Yoda met Obi-Wan that he was the same child in Yoda's vision of Jinn's future.
Master Yoda spoke no words of objections or encouragement about the Kenobi boy when Jinn commed him from the Lars' home to tell him of his plans to bring Obi-Wan back to the temple with him..
Yoda's reason behind his quiet acceptance was *simple* he *said*. He did not want to impede on Jinn's right to his own decision-making process. Qui-Gon felt Yoda's words were far from believable.
The little green troll of a master never hesitated to put his two cents in no matter if Qui-Gon wanted him too or not, especially when it came to his most favored former apprentice.. He steadfastly insisted he would accept whatever Master Jinn decided .
Qui-Gon's mind was made up, much to the pleasure of Delon Lars but to Selena it seemed to break her heart. What was more heartbreaking was Obi-Wan's refusal to speak to her the next day. The Jedi master's plans were to leave late that evening on a transport leaving for Coruscant.
Selena bustled around getting things ready for Obi with such intensity Jinn insisted she walk to the gardens with him and sit under the lotus trees for a sip of tea. She grabbed some papers and followed her friend out to sit surrounded by the cool breeze in the garden.
"I am glad you suggested this break. It will give me time to go over some things about Obi-Wan's illness ."
A dark look replaced the beaming smile he had for his friend, Selena . If the temple had to supply medication for the boy there would be no extra credits for it. Before he could relay that to her, she handed him a paper that detailed her own plans for Obi-Wan's illness, almost as if she had read his mind.
"Listen Qui-Gon I know you haven't the credits for his medicine weekly. I will see to it he gets it. I even have procured a physician on Coruscant that I want Obi-Wan to see. I would rather you keep his medical problems to yourself."
Selena was putting Master Jinn in a very difficult situation. He couldn't lie or keep things from Master Yoda or the healers. A Jedi healer always checked a new child out and gave them their inoculations to keep the others from getting any number of virus that floated around the young.
"I can't in good conscience keep things from Yoda or the healers. His allergies will not keep the temple from allowing him to stay. However you know as well as I do the healers will have to check him over. I don't wish to cause you any more problems, but I have to bring up the fact that Master Yoda mentioned the temple healers looking at Obi-Wan once before and you seemed put off by it, why ? We have such competent physicians at the temple."
"I don't doubt their competency. It is just that… Obi-Wan is not a force sensitive. They will be of no added use to him. The temple healers' expertise lies in treating the Jedi, not a child with the *sniffles*."
"I don't mean to sound unkind but I have seen him at his worse and it seems a great deal more serious than the sniffles even if it is allergies that is causing his illness. Remember I have seen him in a very dilapidated state brought on my his *sniffles*. That is not natural, especially when you say he is on medication to control his symptoms."
"I know Qui-Gon. However, like I said I have hydro sprays ready that his doctor here provided. He only has to take them once a week. This is important Qui-Gon if you can not do this for the me, or Obi-Wan then do it for your fallen apprentice, my son, Owen. Obi-Wan was very dear to him. He would want Obi to have another chance. I don't think he is very happy with me right now for what I am doing to him but it must be done. Delon seems to build more hatred for Obi-Wan with each day. You must do as I ask. I promise in a few months I plan to tell you everything about Obi-Wan but not now. PLEASE!!!!"
There was fear behind her words but something else. They were laced with the determination of a person with no where else to turn. She made it sound like Jinn's decision was life-threatening or at least life-altering for her nephew.
The only mystery here was that Selena was definitely keeping something from Qui-Gon about the child. Was he more severely ill than he was told? He certainly could not handle someone incapacitated all the time.
"Selena, if Obi-Wan is more ill than you have told me I must know. I could not care for a truly *sick* child. There is something other than allergies that *ails* the child isn't it? I am not sure why I am agreeing with you so easily . It is just that..I..I…"
Selena chose to ignore the question about Obi-Wan having something more serious and rapidly jumped to Jinn's comment about why he was agreeing so quickly.
"It is just that the force nudged Obi-Wan toward you, did it not.?"
How did Selena know that the force was the driving reason behind him to take the boy? It was the only reason he would not change his mind about Obi-Wan.
When it came to the council, Master Jinn quite often did not listen to their edicts, but Jinn never failed to listen and obey the force behind him.
Master Yoda had once said that was what separated him from the *good* Jedi masters. His ability to faithfully trust in all the force told him made Jinn a *great* Jedi negotiator and even greater warrior. He had a staunchly loyal, never-failing connection to and unwavering trust of the force which he let rule his life..
"Now I know there is something here that does not "meet the eye". How do you know what the force told me?"
"You are not the only one to be faithful in following the instruction from the force. While not a Jedi any longer, I still possess the force and let it lead me in my life.. The force was the one sustaining thing I had to hold onto when Owen was killed; the force and Obi-Wan. I may lose one, Obi, but the force will always be there and as long as it is willing to guide me, I am willing to accept that guidance. Let's just say the force told me the same thing about Obi-Wan as it did you, only quite a bit more and leave it at that.. You must take Obi-Wan. I will come to you after my baby is born and explain everything I promise. I have too. That s all the time Obi-Wan has. I mean he will have to halt the medicine soon."
"Now you are confusing me Selena, halt his medication? Is he just suppose to magically get well and not need it?"
Selena rubbed her fragile delicate hand a crossed her forehead. This was getting harder than she realized it would be. She knew Jinn and knew he wouldn't take to keeping secrets or of having the truth kept from him.
"Qui-Gon this is truly turning out be more difficult and complicated than I first thought it would be. I will make this promise to you; If you only keep Obi-Wan for six months I will come to you after I have had the boy and l explain everything that is going on. I won't hold you to your agreement to raise Obi-Wan under your homeless children plan. There are things you need to know about him and I promise, I will tell you *before * you make the final decision to keep him or not. Just not now. I can't deal with Delon and most of all, I am not sure you can deal with what I have to tell you. It has to wait."
"Selena I since alarm from you and not only that but a certain amount of fear. Can you tell me anything about Obi-Wan's situation now? This seems to becoming a mystery, one I am not sure I want to be involved in if it requires deceit or dishonesty."
"Qui-Gon over the years you have become one of my dearest friends. First during my early knighthood, then after I chose to leave the order and marry Delon, and finally when you took my son to train as Jedi. I entrusted you with my son's very life and I know there is no blame to be placed on anyone's head for his death. However, I ask that the trust I extended to you be returned and now extended to me where Obi-Wan is concerned. Please Qui no more questions. I can't answer them today."
"Very well but let me get just a couple of things straight. The child has no dreaded disease?"
Selena only smiled and shook her head no. She was confident now she had gained Jinn's trust in this matter.
"O.K. he isn't going to up and die on me is he?"
Selena seemed to hesitate and waited.
"Selena he isn't is he?"
A pensive look came from Owen's mother along with her hesitancy to answer the question.
"He might be ill, maybe more so later than now, but it will pass, I hope. He will be fine."
"Six months Selena and I have to know all of your little mystery. I will care for the boy for six months. I will not even put him in the program. He will be under my care for six months. After that, you and I are going to sit down and you are going to explain to me what is going on. I will do as you say. I will bypass the healers if you have his medical records and shot records in order and up to date. With the stipulation you have put on this and the mystery surrounding Obi-Wan, I am not doing this any longer for you or Delon. This I do only for the memory of Owen and what Obi-Wan meant to him."
Selena took both of Jinn's calloused and saber-scared hands in hers.
"Thank You Qui-Gon and I promise you, do this for me and I will do as you ask. You'll see things may turn out better than you ever expected."
Jinn got up from the bench he sat on beside Selena and planted a light kiss on the top of her head.
"I hope you are right and remember Selena, I do not want to cause you any heartache, but if I don't know everything about *your* Obi-Wan Kenobi in six months, I not only can't put him in the program, I will not keep him any longer."
The words were the truth, not something said in an unkind manner and Master Jinn certainly hoped she didn't take them that way.
As he walked away to go see if Obi-Wan had his things ready to leave, a little smile came to Selena and if Jinn could have seen her face a gleam appeared in her eyes.
Jinn's words did not upset her in anyway. She was more than sure that after six months with Obi-Wan and she explained her mystery to Qui-Gon, he would do exactly what she had seen in her own little vision. The vision Selena had of Obi's future would turn out to be the same, identically the same as Master Yoda's vision for Qui-Gon Jinn's future………………
PEACE ewen
However to see his *own* padawan, Owen Lars gunned down by the "sand rats" with one blaster shot through his heart was a memory which permanently burnt its self in his mind.. Qui-Gon had not even had the time to reach the boy before he drew his last breath.
His death haunted the master endlessly. He wished he could have gotten to him so Owen would not have died alone. He also wished he would have listened to the force and not let Owen's father talk him into taking the boy when something in the back of his mind told him not too. So many regrets to think over even if Master Yoda and Mace said nothing was his fault, it didn't matter to him. Guilt ate away at the master like a cancer not easily cut out.
He also could not help but remember the eerie stare he got from Owen's little cousin as he left. Qui-Gon felt he wanted to say something but the boy never broached him for a comment. During Owen's funeral he stayed at the back of the cathedral, never once going to the coffin to see Owen one last time.
Qui-Gon seemed mesmerized by the little one that day as he watched the tears flow continually. Selena in her own world of misery couldn't bring comfort to the boy and Delon Lars could have cared less. He had to be pulled from the grave site by his brothers when they tried to bury Owen in the family's conventional way in their Mausoleum.
One of the worst days that Jinn had ever gone through and the one predominant thing that stuck in his mind of that day had not been anything remotely about his apprentice. It had to do with the Kenobi cousin that stood in the back of the cathedral and cried his eyes out. He could not shake the hollow-eyed tear-stained face of Obi-Wan Kenboi . It left him with some kind of feeling but it was at best vague. Jinn repeatedly tried to get the boy's panicked blue eyes out of his mind.
He tried taking mission after mission, favoring that over the less vigorous temple life. Now, however he was going to reverse his life completely. He began thinking during the last mission that he missed the serenity of the temple and the talks with his master and other friends that could bring him a few moments peace. He did a 360 degree turn-around and asked to be grounded to the temple for the next six months.
Yoda had him pulled from the duty roster for missions immediately. Jinn would be assigned a teaching class of his choice of age group if he wanted or he could lull around the temple and seek solace.
There was also a added position on the council he could think about too. It had been offered but he wanted time to thing. At the temple, with no big obligations he would have that time to decide whether he wanted to forfeit his active life on missions for a chair on the temple council. Also passed through his mind was the option of choosing another apprentice.
Some like Mace thought he should. Others, Master Yoda in particular said he foresaw something for Qui-Gon which might include an apprentice but it did not direct Jinn to any viable candidates right now. His former master had urged him to wait.
//I am not enthused with the knowledge that Master Yoda wants to control my future. Especially when he claims the control he seeks is because of one of his ever elusive visions. No, this time I decide what I want. I know I want the companionship of an apprentice, even another's apprentice be fine and not emotionally demanding. //
Master Dalia needed time to recover from a severe illness she contracted while battling the Hutts. It was estimated she needed at least six months to recover. She was to be given leave to return to her home world and soon as she recovered sufficiently enough to travel. Just out of a bacta tank and still hooked to wires and tubes she commed Jinn and asked him to consider training her apprentice. A training bond would not be necessary since he was almost old enough to become a knight, within a year. He might need to stay with Jinn throughout the final year of apprenticeship, should she not recover as quickly, other wise Jinn would be in charge of him for five or six months.
Nothing too long and Qui-Gon thought it would give him a *trial run* to see if he really wanted an apprentice although he knew he would have to deal with a very youngling if he took his own apprentice. He liked the idea of not forming a bond. Someone in his mind to interfere and impede his thoughts was not something he thought he could handle right now, this soon.. An initiated training bond would require a certain amount of closeness he was not yet ready for; in time maybe, but certainly not now.
//I am just not sure I want the longevity and intimacy a complete bond would require if I took my own apprentice fresh out of the choice of new initiates..//
Qui-Gon's thoughts hindered the realization of what went on around him. He was not even remotely aware of Master Yoda's presence when he walked into his home unannounced..
"Much on your mind since returned you have. Blame you should not place. Will of the force it was. Go from there you should."
Yoda's voice startled the tall master. He quickly collected his present thoughts, stored his past ones within his mind-place of memories and looked toward the direction of the spoken words. Sadness in Qui-Gon's eyes was a constant reminder to his former master than he had not gotten over the death of his apprentice as Yoda had hoped he would during his numerous missions.
"Don't you think I have tried? I don't think it is blame that I feel now. Just the numbness of loss of someone I cared for. I know he planned to stay with his father, at least I heartily suspected it, but I felt good about it. It was where he belonged. Owen certainly didn't deserve to have his life cut so short."
"Ever changing the future is. Not gone he is. One with the force eternally now I see for him. Too much good within him for anything else.."
"Master you can recant that to the crèchelings you teach, but not to me please. I know well of where he is and it eases the constant pain in my heart no less."
Yoda understood Qui-Gon's misery. He down through the years had felt it too. Some, including Qui-Gon didn't realize Yoda had lost many he loved and suffered just as his former apprentice. As he would say, "hid it well he did".
"Request I have for you. Needed on Galin again. Told Selena talk with you I would, but no promises I made on your part. No.. in this, better you decide than me this time."
Through Qui-Gon misery he managed a smile.
"Since when have you let me *decide* anything when you think you could do it for me?"
"To many painful memories in this mission I think. Go you decide. Know how I feel about it I do."
"First, why would Selena want to see me? Is there problems on the planet."
"Problems in the Lars home there is. Planet striving well it is."
" I should think I would be the last person either Lars' would want there. Haven't I caused them enough problems to last a lifetime. I got their only son killed, *remember*? What could I do to settle problems between husband and wife.?
Yoda shrugged his little shoulders as he paced back and forth. He was not sure if he wanted to tell Qui-Gon the full truth about what Selena needed. It might just scare Qui-Gon off and Yoda thought for Jinn's own good it might be a way to offer him a reprieve from his state of melancholy. It part of his vision and he knew Jinn must complete the mission. What he did from there was his decision.
"Visit with old friends good it might be hey?"
I don't think you can call the parents of my padawan that I let be killed under my care, *old friends*. I don't think Delon spoke to me after I returned and he first accused me of the death of his son. After that his guilt took over and he ended up needlessly blaming himself but no words were ever uttered by the man after that."
"In his own world he was. Lost much he did but not all I think. Good news I have from Galin to give you though. Maybe prompt you it will to go."
"Now that is something I would like to hear a bit of good news. Just what is it?………………."
##################
Qui-Gon went the following day to Galin. Selena Lars was waiting at the lane for her old friend and comrade in the Jedi order. Her face carried on it happiness where sadness had once embedded its self as Jinn watched her bury her only child.
"Master Jinn I am so pleased that you found time to visit. I take it you came only after Yoda gave you our good news?"
Selena's hands were firmly clasped by Qui-Gon larger ones. He let his eyes sweep the full length of the former Jedi knight taking in clearly the reason for his return visit, Selena's pregnancy.
"Now Selena, you know I would have come anyway. But the news of another child on the way did increase my desire to come and see you and Delon. It is about time happiness came back in your life. In turn it has made me feel a great deal lighter at heart."
Selena gave the master a hug and did not release him from it with any quick speed. Instead she rubbed his back gently while still embracing him as if he the big Jedi master needed more comfort from the thought of Owen's death than even she did.
"Qui-Gon you were not at fault no more than my dear husband was. It happened . I will never forget him but the little one here," [she patted her growing stomach]"has given me a fuller future I think. Delon is ecstatic. This new little one will not replace Owen in our hearts,it will only *enhance* his memory. Every new thing this little one experiences will bring a quiet reflection on our first child's growth."
"Is that why you sent for me, to tell me the news. You know I will want to come for your little one's naming day once born. You did not have to be bothered with me now, you could have commed or sent a letter."
"Yes, I will expect you, Mace, and Master Yoda to come for the naming day. However, this trip is explicitly for a favor to ask of you only later, after we get you settled."
"While we do that maybe I should tell you of my good news. News that I really didn't decide on until I heard of your new child. It gave me the courage to go on if you were willing too also,"
"What is your good news?"
"I plan to take a padawan, Maybe for only a while until his master recovers from an illness. Nevertheless it will be a major step forward since…...well since Owen, that I have made to become *whole* again"
Selena stopped dead in her tracks. She reached for the step's hand rail to balance herself as she tried to make it up the three little steps needed to reach the door.
"Are you alright Selena? Are you ill? Have I said something to upset you?"
"No Qui-Gon, what ever gives you that idea? The only thing that is going to make me ill is dizzily trying to answer all your questions, relax. Now let's find a big airy room facing the gardens, with lots of windows for your stay. It is beautiful here during the spring when the flowers first start blooming."
Selena left her old friend and son's former master to freshen up before last-meal. Her favor of him went unasked and unbeknownst to Jinn. It would go unvoiced forever because she knew he had at least temporarily taken a padawan. She had hoped her favor would be honored by Qui-Gon. However now she knew it could not. He had answered her question concerning her request without ever having heard it The answer was no……………
Last-meal had been nothing less than pleasant and delicious. Selena culinary talents were pushed to the limits. His hunger satisfied, Qui-Gon leaned back, placed his napkin on the table, and surveyed the faces of the parents of Owen Lars.
Delon had been cordial, even seemed glad Jinn had come for the visit. The Jedi had not known how he would be greeted by the man whose world collapsed a few months back and Jinn had his hand in the reason of Mr. Lars' life-altering event, his son's death.
"Well Selena if I knew your cooking talents had increased so I might have been back here sooner."
Jinn knew it was lie but one needed right now, if only to make comfortable a growing nervous silence between he and his hosts.
"Master Jinn there were so many years you avoided us when Owen came home that I almost thought now that we did not share Owen's best interests, you might just refuse my request to visit with us, even though we wanted to share such good news."
The Prime Minster studied Jinn a moment forgiving the man before him for any part Delon might have wrongly thought Jinn had in his son's death. Even with such a short time he came to realize Owen's demise was the will of the force and not the fault of Jinn's or even himself. He only hoped that when Selena asked the favor of him he would comply. They needed this man's help to survive; for their marriage to survive.
Qui-Gon wondered why Obi-Wan had not come to last-meal. He knew the boy still lived there, he could feel his presence. At first Jinn thought that phenomena of feeling the aura of Obi-Wan a bit astounding but he attributed it to the fact that he was so closely linked to his former apprentice thus linked to those he loved.
While last-meal had been very pleasant he got a feeling of stress between Selena and Delon. It bled through the bond of his now dead padawan even though that bond bordered on being completely snuffed out like the smoldering embers of a fire's flames just dashed with water. Jinn felt Deon Lars wanted something of him but he was not sure what. They seemed hesitant to ask and Qui-Gon decided to broach the subject first.
"Selena you said you had a favor to ask of me and you haven't yet. I am ready to hear it and hopefully be able to do whatever it is you want."
Delon gave his wife a distinctive questioning look.
"Selena how unlike you to procrastinate. I thought you would have spoken to Master Jinn by now about why we asked him here."
The flushed cheeks and flustered look let Qui-Gon know Selena's husband was not happy about her hesitancy to ask the favor.
"Go on Selena the worst I can do is refuse which I would doubt."
She blushed more profusely with her friend's assurance, but deep down Selena knew even if she asked for part of the favor, it would not be what she really wanted for Obi-Wan. Yes the favor did have to do with her nephew.
"You see Qui-Gon we were interested in the program the Jedi temple just activated that sometimes save homeless waifs on the street even without the force."
"Yes we have started a new program. The children have food, housing, and proper schooling and when they reach the age of majority they are free too go on their way, hopefully more prepare and emotionally stabilized for the outside world than they would have been living a life of disparity on the street. But my question to you would be why would you need this service we have to offer?"
"Master Jinn, my wife seems to have lost her courage and possibly regrets her decision but I haven't. You see we hoped that maybe the Jedi would take one their own Jedi's child in that program."
Instantly it came to Jinn of who they referred, though the thought of Selena giving her twin sister's son up would have never come to the Jedi before. He tried to hide the look of surprise from his pregnant friend for fear she would take it as some condemnation.
"I am not too familiar with the new project. I know we have four or five children who have been taken in housed and found .. What should I call them guardians to oversee them. Children off the streets need a one on one relationship much like a padawan. Force enhanced children are grouped in the crèche because the need is not one of a personal intimate nature because they are force sensitive. I could look into it for you and see if Master Yoda knows of a knight or less mission-active master in residence willing to oversee him. Would this be temporary or permanent until the age of adulthood?"
Selena looked down at her plate as if she was ashamed at trying to pawn her nephew off and in a whisper to Jinn she stated they were permanent plans.
"It would be permanent. My husband.. … I mean we… have decided that for the best of our family and with a new one the way, Obi-Wan should find another place to live… I would hate to put him in an orphanage."
Her quick angry look at her husband easily placed the blame where it belonged, Delon Lars. .
It was a lie at least part of it was. Her husband wanted this done and for the good of their marriage and the life for their unborn she only went along with it. With this child she wanted a perfect fairy tale life, nothing like the hell they went through with Owen in the Jedi. Should this one be force sensitive he still would forever remain with father and mother, not shipped to the temple.
She and her twin sister didn't want that for Obi-Wan but he would be forfeited for her new son's sake. And there could be no other that she would trust her nephew with, just as she entrusted her son to him. Yes, it *had* to be Master Qui-Gon Jinn.
"The word orphanage sent chills through Master Jinn and he wasn't sure why. The orphanages on Coruscant and he imagined Galin were clean housing establishment in which to raise children with no families to rely on... Maybe the child was not reinforced in personal attachments but it was far from a shabby place to live as they had once been subjected too.
"Has the boy done something unruly that requires his immediate departure from your home?"
"The only thing Obi-Wan is guilty of is having no parents in which to raise him. I was not going to ask you this because you said you were taking an apprentice."
Something didn't add up and Jinn wondered why. Selena seemed upset with him over an apprentice but what did that have to do with asking him to help get Obi-Wan in the program for the homeless little ones.
"I will look into the program for you Selena if you are sure that is what you wish to do with your nephew. My taking an apprentice has nothing to do with that. I will have time to handle the necessary arrangements for Obi-Wan's transfer to the temple if it can be done. I should have told you I only plan to oversee an older apprentice which will not even require a training bond just light supervision of his last year of apprenticeship.. I was not sure if I was ready for the duties of a young apprentice with a training bond so soon. I thought this to be a trial run for me."
Selena's face lit up even though she fought hard not to show her happiness over Jinn's announcement and still Jinn could not fathom what was going on.
"Well I think you have made a wise decision. Yes wise indeed. My favor might be answered after all."
Qui-Gon got the definite feeling that she meant more than she was saying but what? This last meal which had started out so nice and congenial was turning out to be a mystery to the tall master.
//Surely I did not misconstrue the favor she asked of me. The Lars' did not mean for me to personally take him did the?. They mean the program. I… I could not undertake such a big reasonability with the mission I go on. I can not see to his needs on a one-on-one basis.//
"Is that why the boy is not here so we could discuss this? I will contact Master Yoda and see who is available if there is someone."
"No Master Jinn I don't think I have explained myself clearly enough.".
She glanced at her husband. She knew he was willing to ship the boy off to anywhere and anyone but she wasn't. Selena plotted and planned down to every little minute detail of Obi-Wan's life with the Jedi. She had not forgotten her sister's last request for her son's future and Selena was determined to see to it that if she could not follow through with it, then she woud see too it Obi-Wan Kenobi's future would be the best that she could offer.
//Just a few minor things have to be changed until Obi-Wan is ready, that is all.//
During her Jedi tenure, whenever she had been gifted by a vision and feeling through the force she always followed whatever the force guided her toward. In this it would be no different, even in her life as a common citizen. Qui-Gon Jinn must take the boy now under his wing and later…Well there was enough time later when he had finished guiding the older padawan into his Jedi Knighthood to learn the rest about Obi-Wan, the missing piece of the puzzle. This was not the time. She felt with Jinn's admittance of not needing a training bond in order to put his life back in order as Jedi master indeed the truth about Obi-Wan would be quelled, but only until a more opportune time.
"Now Selena don't start putting stipulations on your request. Maybe Jinn does not have the time or desire to take Obi-Wan."
Qui-Gon choked on a sip of wine in his mouth over Delon's words.
"Excuse me Selena. I said I could try to get in him in the program but I didn't say I could personally oversee his stay at the temple. I go on missions…….. And…"
Jinn felt the boy's presence before he spoke, but he did not have the quickness needed to halt his chagrined opinion in order to save Obi-Wan from any undo hurt over his denial of him.. He abruptly turned to see Obi-Wan Kenobi standing in the double doorway of the dining hall.
He supplied the last words of Qui-Gon's sentence with a voice filled with sadness and a quiet resigned acceptance of not being wanted *by anyone* sitting at that table…
"And you don't want me either, do you Master Jinn?"………………..
Even with his Jedi abilities Qui-Gon could not do what he wanted too just then; kick himself in his own behind for letting the boy here him. Selena started to get up but her husband gripped her hand as she sat there and watched Obi-Wan turn and run back upstairs to his room.
Qui-Gon realized that Obi had only found out of his abrupt departure from where he had called home for almost eight years. He entered the dining room and overheard the crux of the conversation; enough to know he was not wanted here and with Jinn last comments, not at the temple either.
"Let him go Selena. The child had to find out what we were going to do anyway. He'll mend once the shock of this is over. Children are versatile like that. One minute they hate what is going on around them, then just as quickly they come around. Obi-Wan will have to *come around*. It is not unlike sending a child to boarding school or a military school. If you like he can come home for visits once he gets use to it and we have adjusted to the baby.."
It was Mr. Lars' hope to calm his wife down. She had not been well and to lose their child because of the boy would only cause more displeasure for the little one.. Qui-Gon understood that maybe more than either of them sitting there.
"He is right Selena. It is quite like a boarding school. I will go talk to him. You will see everything will be fine."
Delon Lars could tell Master Jinn was helping him keep his wife calm and for that he was grateful..
"Yes Master Jinn if you don't mind. I will get Selena settled in the main sitting room and have some tea brought to us. Yes some soothing hot tea is what you need dear. Let Master Jinn talk with the boy. I am sure being a Jedi master he will know the right things to say.
//Sure. How would I know what to say to a young one who has just found out no one in the galaxy wants him. I assume it would be much like being denied apprenticeship if one were an Initiate at the temple.//
Qui-Gon knew there were twenty steps on the stairwell to reach the second floor. He lingered on each step and mentally counted them. Any thing, he would resort to anything to cause his short journey to become a longer one.. Instead of counting the steps he already knew were there, he should have been thinking of what to say. He didn't think on it because he honestly didn't know what to say. Selena and Delon still had the misconception that he coud personally take the boy right into his apartment and raise him. Not that it hadn't been done. There was one there now. A homeless girl who lived with Master Tahl. She was not as mission active as Jinn but when she did have to leave, someone from the crèche, oversaw her ward or another master took the girl in while she was away..
//Yes, but Tahl does not have a padawan. //
Deep down Jinn knew that was just another excuse he could pile on because at the age of his new apprentice or temporary apprentice he would not need Jinn breathing down his neck and quite often would go on less dangerous solo missions.
//If I think about it I can't really come up with a reason to not take the boy other than I might one day want my own apprentice and Obi-Wan would halt that idea. I would have to keep him at least seven years. No I can't be bound and tied down to someone that is not an apprentice for that long. I will surely take an apprentice before that.//
Qui-Gon counted the last step and could not find a reason to forestall him reaching the upper hall. Once up there he realized he had forgotten to ask where the boy's room was. However a second later he knew, not from a noise, but from a weak force signature carried by Kenobi. //Still not that unusual and could be explained away, He made his way down the hall to Obi-Wan's room. It would stand to reason I could feel his connection. He was very close to Owen and his mother and aunt are Jedi. That's it. That is why I feel his presence now although we have no bond.//
One knock with no reply , but the second more forceful knock drew a reply from the boy on the other side of the door. A small quivering voice responded to Jinn's knock with the least intimidating shout Qui-Gon had ever heard. "GO. AWAY!"
//Well at least I know I have the right room.// With a little hesitancy but more built-up determination Jinn turned the door knob to find it unlocked. Before he pushed it opened he called out a soft but yet hearable warning.
"I hope you are decent in there, I am coming in without your invite."
He had no reason to think the boy hurried up the stairs and undressed, he just felt a certain responsibility to be somewhat polite as he literally barged through the door of Obi-Wan's room.
"I didn't ask you in. In fact I think I said Go AWAY!!"
"I know what you said. I have very good hearing abilities. Your aunt and uncle sent me up here to speak with you."
Obi-Wan by now had crossed the room from his bed and feigned the studying of the night out his bedroom window. It must be the night he is staring at thought Jinn. //You can't see anything else in the darkness. //
"Don't call them that."
"Excuse me?"
Jinn was not use to dealing with a child that was not a Jedi enhanced prodigy in some way. He was confused by the boy's denial of his relatives.
"Easy enough Master Jinn don't call them *my* aunt and uncle. They don't want me as their nephew in their home then I don't want them as my aunt and uncle. I have always been a stranger to them especially *him* since I came here as a little boy. I suppose I shouldn't be all that surprised that they would get rid of me now…well now that Owen is gone. He and I …….l…. he and I had something special. We kinda connected. Can you understand that?"
Jinn with his own thoughts of his now dead padawan couldn't bring forth words right then, he was too choked up with the sorrow that washed back over him. He only nodded his understanding because he had felt a connection, once. The bond with Owen that now slowly on a daily basis was dying just as Owen had.. Obi seemed to know to look up at the big master. He looked into Master Jinn's eyes. He saw the same misery in the master's eyes as he felt for the loss of his cousin who was so much more than a cousin.
"I think maybe I was just kept here to be a little brother for him when he returned. But hey you saw to it I don't have a brother and they don't have a son any longer. Maybe they should be angrier with you than me, but they're not. No they have opened arms for you. Oh I forgot they just want to use you get rid of me."
At least Jinn knew now how Obi-Wan felt about his involvement in Owen's death. It was only then he realized how strongly Owen's aura radiated throughout the room. Why not, Owen spent more time in there when he was home than he did his own room down the hall.
Jinn let his eyes roam around the room as he took in a the space ships on the dressers and everywhere. It reminded him of Owen's room which so far he had left the same as when they left for his parents home. Both boys must have shared the interest in flying crafts. Qui-Gon had no doubt a lot of the model ships were the gifts sent to Obi-Wan for numerous holidays and his birthdays. He always saved his allowance Qui-Gon gave him to send Obi-Wan a gift. .
Obi-Wan knew nothing of the Jedi how they worked. Jinn was offended that he would blame him for Owen's death Had he only known, Master Jinn would have given his own life that day for Owen's had he been able too. It was not the force's choice to take Qui-Gon. It would settle for no one less honorable than *his* Owen..
"I am up here to reason some calmness in you, not to be judged by you. Your parents have excepted Owen's fate and maybe it would be wise of you to do the same. It certainly isn't wise or fair for you to place blame on my head when you know nothing of what happened or of the Jedi."
" I overheard you and my uncle enough to know I am no longer going to live here. You are here to take me away from the only home I have known for most of life to the temple where I will be less than anyone there a non-force sensitive striving in a world of supreme beings. No thank you Master Jinn."
Qui-Gon was nearly knocked down with the realization that he in an indirect way had his hands in the problem of the child's displacement. Had Owen still been alive he doubted Owen's father would have had the courage to get rid of the boy especially with the close relationship they had. Now without his help he would be homeless yet again.
"In time you will learn more about the Jedi. You will learn enough to know without a doubt there is no reason not to trust them or me."
//What am I saying I cannot commit seven or more years of my life to this boy. He is not a Jedi. How does one even oversee a child not blessed with the force. Then there are his allergies. He is sick all the time. Panic shot through Jinn's mind along with his thoughts. I can't do this, canI/
His reasoning did not match his mindset. The force its self seemed to be pushing him toward the child but why. Maybe he imagined it. Obi-Wan Kenobi could not be an apprentice to any Jedi master. He needed the force behind him to conquer knighthood and even then some did not.
"I know a great deal of the Jedi. My mother died in the *line* of duty, Owen died the same. What else is there to know?"
You Jedi have a bad track record when it comes to my family. My aunt was the only one to survive through your elite Jedi program. In my opinion Master Jinn, I have learned a great deal about the Jedi and it was through the loss of the two people I cared about the most…..
"Well I think living with them will teach you a great deal more. I will be leaving first thing in the morning. It is part of your heritage, your mother's legacy. I would suggest you try to release your anger into the force…." //What am I saying, quoting the Jedi code to him, a child with no force abilities. I think I have lost my mind or did I ever have one?//…"Well never mind about that force stuff just release your anger *somewhere* and pack a few things. Nothing is going to change no matter how angry you get or how many temper tantrums you throw. Don't take all your models. Owen……. there are a lot of Owen's there and you will have his room."
Qui-Gon added the part about temper tantrums. He had heard of them but never witnessed one out of any child. Certainly not out of a Jedi initiate or padawan. He had heard the crèche masters discuss them when children were very young and did not have their force abilities yet.
One could not tell which was more shocked Jinn for telling the boy he was taking him back to the temple or Obi-Wan for finding out he was going after all.
In a way Kenobi, was excited. He would see Owen's room, all his things, how he lived. He would also be away from his uncle. However he had serious doubts that he and Master Jinn would get along for very long. Just listening to him as he shouted orders and that remark he made about Obi and temper tantrums already made the boy suspect that nothing good would come from their pairing. .
//What does he think I am, a baby.. Temper tantrum…...HUH!!!….. I'll show him a temper tantrum if he ever truly angers me. Besides it doesn't matter anyway. This arrangement won't last long. It won't take long for Qui-Gon to see I am nothing like Owen with his astute abilities in the Jedi way. I suppose the orphanages on Coruscant are about equal to those here; when Master Jinn decides he doesn't want to keep me either.//
Jinn walked out of Obi-Wan's room shaking his head. In his mind he cursed himself every step of the way. //I'm a nerf-head-eating idiot who has less brains than a Bantha. Sith be damn, I'm an idiot and as dumb as a Huttenese virgin on her wedding night.// Words and vulgar phrases he hadn't used since he first became a knight popped into his head and every one of them directed at only one person, himself.
//What have I done? I didn't mean to come up here, breakdown, and agree to take him. I in all my wisdom was going to flat out state why I could not take him and I have just committed the next seven years of my life to Obi-Wan Kenobi. I suppose after I talk with the Lars' I should comm Yoda. Maybe he can think of a way out of this for me.//
What Qui-Gon Jinn didn't know was Master Yoda would be eventually be jumping up and down in glee. It would turn out later, when Yoda met Obi-Wan that he was the same child in Yoda's vision of Jinn's future.
Master Yoda spoke no words of objections or encouragement about the Kenobi boy when Jinn commed him from the Lars' home to tell him of his plans to bring Obi-Wan back to the temple with him..
Yoda's reason behind his quiet acceptance was *simple* he *said*. He did not want to impede on Jinn's right to his own decision-making process. Qui-Gon felt Yoda's words were far from believable.
The little green troll of a master never hesitated to put his two cents in no matter if Qui-Gon wanted him too or not, especially when it came to his most favored former apprentice.. He steadfastly insisted he would accept whatever Master Jinn decided .
Qui-Gon's mind was made up, much to the pleasure of Delon Lars but to Selena it seemed to break her heart. What was more heartbreaking was Obi-Wan's refusal to speak to her the next day. The Jedi master's plans were to leave late that evening on a transport leaving for Coruscant.
Selena bustled around getting things ready for Obi with such intensity Jinn insisted she walk to the gardens with him and sit under the lotus trees for a sip of tea. She grabbed some papers and followed her friend out to sit surrounded by the cool breeze in the garden.
"I am glad you suggested this break. It will give me time to go over some things about Obi-Wan's illness ."
A dark look replaced the beaming smile he had for his friend, Selena . If the temple had to supply medication for the boy there would be no extra credits for it. Before he could relay that to her, she handed him a paper that detailed her own plans for Obi-Wan's illness, almost as if she had read his mind.
"Listen Qui-Gon I know you haven't the credits for his medicine weekly. I will see to it he gets it. I even have procured a physician on Coruscant that I want Obi-Wan to see. I would rather you keep his medical problems to yourself."
Selena was putting Master Jinn in a very difficult situation. He couldn't lie or keep things from Master Yoda or the healers. A Jedi healer always checked a new child out and gave them their inoculations to keep the others from getting any number of virus that floated around the young.
"I can't in good conscience keep things from Yoda or the healers. His allergies will not keep the temple from allowing him to stay. However you know as well as I do the healers will have to check him over. I don't wish to cause you any more problems, but I have to bring up the fact that Master Yoda mentioned the temple healers looking at Obi-Wan once before and you seemed put off by it, why ? We have such competent physicians at the temple."
"I don't doubt their competency. It is just that… Obi-Wan is not a force sensitive. They will be of no added use to him. The temple healers' expertise lies in treating the Jedi, not a child with the *sniffles*."
"I don't mean to sound unkind but I have seen him at his worse and it seems a great deal more serious than the sniffles even if it is allergies that is causing his illness. Remember I have seen him in a very dilapidated state brought on my his *sniffles*. That is not natural, especially when you say he is on medication to control his symptoms."
"I know Qui-Gon. However, like I said I have hydro sprays ready that his doctor here provided. He only has to take them once a week. This is important Qui-Gon if you can not do this for the me, or Obi-Wan then do it for your fallen apprentice, my son, Owen. Obi-Wan was very dear to him. He would want Obi to have another chance. I don't think he is very happy with me right now for what I am doing to him but it must be done. Delon seems to build more hatred for Obi-Wan with each day. You must do as I ask. I promise in a few months I plan to tell you everything about Obi-Wan but not now. PLEASE!!!!"
There was fear behind her words but something else. They were laced with the determination of a person with no where else to turn. She made it sound like Jinn's decision was life-threatening or at least life-altering for her nephew.
The only mystery here was that Selena was definitely keeping something from Qui-Gon about the child. Was he more severely ill than he was told? He certainly could not handle someone incapacitated all the time.
"Selena, if Obi-Wan is more ill than you have told me I must know. I could not care for a truly *sick* child. There is something other than allergies that *ails* the child isn't it? I am not sure why I am agreeing with you so easily . It is just that..I..I…"
Selena chose to ignore the question about Obi-Wan having something more serious and rapidly jumped to Jinn's comment about why he was agreeing so quickly.
"It is just that the force nudged Obi-Wan toward you, did it not.?"
How did Selena know that the force was the driving reason behind him to take the boy? It was the only reason he would not change his mind about Obi-Wan.
When it came to the council, Master Jinn quite often did not listen to their edicts, but Jinn never failed to listen and obey the force behind him.
Master Yoda had once said that was what separated him from the *good* Jedi masters. His ability to faithfully trust in all the force told him made Jinn a *great* Jedi negotiator and even greater warrior. He had a staunchly loyal, never-failing connection to and unwavering trust of the force which he let rule his life..
"Now I know there is something here that does not "meet the eye". How do you know what the force told me?"
"You are not the only one to be faithful in following the instruction from the force. While not a Jedi any longer, I still possess the force and let it lead me in my life.. The force was the one sustaining thing I had to hold onto when Owen was killed; the force and Obi-Wan. I may lose one, Obi, but the force will always be there and as long as it is willing to guide me, I am willing to accept that guidance. Let's just say the force told me the same thing about Obi-Wan as it did you, only quite a bit more and leave it at that.. You must take Obi-Wan. I will come to you after my baby is born and explain everything I promise. I have too. That s all the time Obi-Wan has. I mean he will have to halt the medicine soon."
"Now you are confusing me Selena, halt his medication? Is he just suppose to magically get well and not need it?"
Selena rubbed her fragile delicate hand a crossed her forehead. This was getting harder than she realized it would be. She knew Jinn and knew he wouldn't take to keeping secrets or of having the truth kept from him.
"Qui-Gon this is truly turning out be more difficult and complicated than I first thought it would be. I will make this promise to you; If you only keep Obi-Wan for six months I will come to you after I have had the boy and l explain everything that is going on. I won't hold you to your agreement to raise Obi-Wan under your homeless children plan. There are things you need to know about him and I promise, I will tell you *before * you make the final decision to keep him or not. Just not now. I can't deal with Delon and most of all, I am not sure you can deal with what I have to tell you. It has to wait."
"Selena I since alarm from you and not only that but a certain amount of fear. Can you tell me anything about Obi-Wan's situation now? This seems to becoming a mystery, one I am not sure I want to be involved in if it requires deceit or dishonesty."
"Qui-Gon over the years you have become one of my dearest friends. First during my early knighthood, then after I chose to leave the order and marry Delon, and finally when you took my son to train as Jedi. I entrusted you with my son's very life and I know there is no blame to be placed on anyone's head for his death. However, I ask that the trust I extended to you be returned and now extended to me where Obi-Wan is concerned. Please Qui no more questions. I can't answer them today."
"Very well but let me get just a couple of things straight. The child has no dreaded disease?"
Selena only smiled and shook her head no. She was confident now she had gained Jinn's trust in this matter.
"O.K. he isn't going to up and die on me is he?"
Selena seemed to hesitate and waited.
"Selena he isn't is he?"
A pensive look came from Owen's mother along with her hesitancy to answer the question.
"He might be ill, maybe more so later than now, but it will pass, I hope. He will be fine."
"Six months Selena and I have to know all of your little mystery. I will care for the boy for six months. I will not even put him in the program. He will be under my care for six months. After that, you and I are going to sit down and you are going to explain to me what is going on. I will do as you say. I will bypass the healers if you have his medical records and shot records in order and up to date. With the stipulation you have put on this and the mystery surrounding Obi-Wan, I am not doing this any longer for you or Delon. This I do only for the memory of Owen and what Obi-Wan meant to him."
Selena took both of Jinn's calloused and saber-scared hands in hers.
"Thank You Qui-Gon and I promise you, do this for me and I will do as you ask. You'll see things may turn out better than you ever expected."
Jinn got up from the bench he sat on beside Selena and planted a light kiss on the top of her head.
"I hope you are right and remember Selena, I do not want to cause you any heartache, but if I don't know everything about *your* Obi-Wan Kenobi in six months, I not only can't put him in the program, I will not keep him any longer."
The words were the truth, not something said in an unkind manner and Master Jinn certainly hoped she didn't take them that way.
As he walked away to go see if Obi-Wan had his things ready to leave, a little smile came to Selena and if Jinn could have seen her face a gleam appeared in her eyes.
Jinn's words did not upset her in anyway. She was more than sure that after six months with Obi-Wan and she explained her mystery to Qui-Gon, he would do exactly what she had seen in her own little vision. The vision Selena had of Obi's future would turn out to be the same, identically the same as Master Yoda's vision for Qui-Gon Jinn's future………………
PEACE ewen