Day Six: Jack
(This part written by FCOL)
"29 bottles of beer on the wall . . . 29 bottles of beer." You know, I absolutely hate this song. It's the most tedious, horrible song created . . . well . . . almost, but we won't go there. Why am I singing it if I hate it? Hmmm . . . good question. The answer? is sitting on the floor glaring at me.
Still in complete shock over Teal'c. Him locking us in here was the last thing I expected. Maybe we have been acting a little childish but it's all Daniel's fault. He couldn't just lose gracefully at strip poker, he had to cheat. This never would have happened if he'd only let himself be the one stripped to his boxers, as was only right.
He's glaring at me again. Tough, Dannyboy. "99 bottles of beer on the wall . . . " Ok so I'm probably just begging for him to strangle me, I mean, 6 rounds of 99 bottle of beer on the wall is enough to drive any sane person to the dark side, but I'm afraid, Dannyboy . . . this is just the beginning.
"Will you PLEASE shut up?!!"
"96 bottles of beer on the wall, 96 bottles of beer . . ." Damn. Beer would be SO good right now. Mmmmm beer. Why couldn't we have brought a TV with us? I mean honestly, Carter's a smart cookie, I'm sure she'd be able to figure out how to have one installed. Beer, hockey and pizza . . . the three staples of life. I wonder who won the game tonight . . .
"85 bottles of beer on the wall . . . OW!!!" I open my eyes, staring a hole through the archeologist that DARED to throw his shoe at my head. He's grinning, actually grinning at me. You've met your match, Dannyboy . . . "I am Henry the 8th I am, Henry the 8th I am I am . . ." I see him wince. You brought it on yourself, kid, I was more than happy singing about beer.
The hours crawl by. I begin to wonder what Carter and Teal'c are doing. Daniel is huddled in a corner with his hands over his ears. This of course does nothing as I've increased the volume at which I am singing so as to penetrate his attempt at blocking me out. It's funny, for a very smart man Daniel doesn't have a very good memory. I'm black ops . . . torture . . . it's a little something I picked up in my training. Oh did I mention I was at the top of my class?
"Argh! I can't take anymore! Enough!!"
"Problem, Daniel?"
"Problem . . .? PROBLEM? You've been 'singing' for 3 hours straight!! I think my ears are starting to bleed!"
"Ah . . . perhaps you'd care to hear something different? I have many songs in my repertoire . . . let's see . . . how about . . . This is the song that doesn't end, it goes on and on my friends . . . some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because . . . this is the song that doesn't end . . ."
"NO!!!! Teal'c!! Teal'c!! Come on! OPEN THE DOOR!!! PLEASE! I'll do anything! Please just let me out!"
"I will not release you, DanielJackson, until you and O'Neill resolve your disagreement."
I hear the amusement in his voice. He thinks this is funny . . . was that a giggle from Carter? Well that's not good. They're having fun while I'm stuck in here with Mr. Whiney? Damn.
"SAM?! Can you hear me? Please open the door!"
"I'm sorry, Daniel. Teal'c's right, you and the Colonel have to work this out. Teal'c and I are going to try and get a few more of the systems working . . . we'll be back soon."
"No! Wait . . . I can help . . .! Sam . . .? Teal'c . . .?"
"They're gone, Daniel." I can't help but grin, all my innate Dr. Evilness shining through. He looks frightened, actually frightened that we aren't getting out of here anytime soon. I know what will cheer him up . . . "This is the song that never ends . . . it goes on and on my friends . . ."
"Jack! I swear, if you do not STOP that . . . whatever the hell that's supposed to be I'm going to do more than throw my show at you!"
Though I have no doubt Daniel means every word, I'm really not worried. He might have bulked up and become a pretty good soldier but I can still kick his ass from here to Othala and back again. So for the time being I content myself with the fact that until Carter and Teal'c feel like opening the door, I have a captive audience . . . literally.
Although, that song is REALLY starting to annoy me, time for a switch. "Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream." A groan from the figure sliding slowly down the wall tells me he is beginning to accept his fate.
You know, I don't think Teal'c thought this thing all the way through. We've been in here for over 6 hours now, he doesn't seem like he's ready to let us out, but we have no food in here. I'm starving! I stop my, if I do say so myself, wonderful rendition of 'Ode to Joy' and climb to my feet.
"Thank you god!"
"Teal'c!!"
"He's not going to let us out."
"Duh . . . I want food! TEAL'C!!"
"You think he's just going to open the door and give us something to eat? I mean, we could easily over take him."
"Did you hit your head, Daniel? We could not over take Teal'c, and I happen to know our Jaffa friend will not let us starve."
"You can't starve in 6 hours, Jack."
"Hmph, speak for yourself."
I proceed to bang on the door, yet again. Come on Teal'c, buddy, open up. I can't believe that he's not going to give us something to eat. Maybe he and Carter just can't hear us, or maybe . . . " You don't think that this is part of the plan do you?"
"Oh yeah, Jack, I'm sure Teal'c's plan is to starve us into submission."
"I guess not . . . but dammit I'm hungry!"
I hear a crinkling behind me. Turning I see Daniel, a look a pure ecstasy on his face, as he bites into a chocolate bar. I should have known, he's always got food on him.
"Are you going to share?"
"Mmm"
"Daniel?"
He's ignoring me, purposely eating that chocolate bar in front of me, not bothering to offer me any. Well, if he thinks I'm gonna crack he has another thing coming. I return to my previous spot on the floor and begin another rousing rendition of the song that doesn't end. Closing my eyes, I can hear him stop chewing.
"This is the song that doesn't end, it goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because . . . this is the song that doesn't end . . ."
I have to admit, Daniel was tough, he held out just short of hearing the 20th round of the song. Hearing a groan and another crinkle I open my eyes, easily catching the chocolate bar aimed at my head. "Thanks, Dannyboy."
"Shut up."
"You know, you should really try and enjoy this time together, we're going to be here for a while."
"Jack . . . I can't take it anymore. Seriously . . . you HAVE to get Teal'c to let us out!"
"You think I want to be stuck in here with you?"
"You do seem to be enjoying yourself a little too much, yes."
"Don't flatter yourself, Daniel, I want out just as much as you do."
"Fine, then how are we getting out?"
"Well, Teal'c seems intent on us working through everything before he'll consider opening the door."
"Look, Jack, it's not my fault you're a sore loser."
"Daniel . . . I am NOT a sore loser. I DIDN'T lose. You CHEATED!"
"That's hardly the point, you're just pissed that it was you standing there in your boxers instead of me."
"Damn right!"
"What is with you anyway? I mean did you really want to embarrass me, was that the whole point of playing strip poker?"
"Look, it wasn't that I wanted to embarrass you . . . I was bored . . . it seemed like a fun idea at the time."
"Fun until you lost."
"Fine . . . FINE . . . I'm a sore loser, are you happy? I'm a sore loser and you're a cheater."
"Very mature, Jack."
"Daniel . . . I do NOT plan to spend the next three days stuck in here with you. Teal'c is just stubborn enough to leave us in here, so you better chuck the attitude and work with me here so we can get out!"
"What? Now it's MY fault we're in here?"
Dammit! When Daniel gets in one of his snarky moods there is no reasoning with him. I sigh, shaking my head. Standing, I make my way towards the bed in the corner, stretching out, might as well get some sleep while we're stuck in here.
"And why do YOU get the bed?"
"Daniel . . . I am going to count to 3, you can either get in the bed and shut up, or you can stay on the floor and shut up, either way . . . you're shutting up." I look at him with my 'I've had special ops training, I can SO kick your ass' glare, it seems to work. I don't need to count at all as he makes his way towards the bed, flopping down beside me. I turn over, staring at the wall. This is going to be the longest trip of my life, I can see it all now. If Teal'c doesn't open the door soon I'm going to lose it.
A few hours later I hear the door open, sitting up I see Teal'c entering with one of our kit bags. I am about to make a comment about finally letting us out when I see him drop the bag and turn to leave the room.
"Teal'c . . . you aren't seriously going to keep us locked in here are you?"
"Until you and DanielJackson have resolved this problem, O'Neill, I must insist on it."
"You do remember I am the CO of this team right? I can order you to let us out."
"Indeed. However, I have no intention of following such an order at this time."
Damn. He's really serious.
"Look, Teal'c, Daniel and I are fine, right, Dannyboy?" I nudge Daniel in the ribs hard, I have to get out of here. Unfortunately he was sleeping a little too close to the edge and my nudge has him sprawled on the floor. Ooops.
"OW! Dammit, what are you trying to do, kill me?"
"Look, Dannyboy, it's Teal'c . . . Tell him we've worked everything out."
"TEAL'C! Thank god . . . look, you can let me out. I'm fine really. Leave Jack locked in here, we can let him out when he's cooled off. What do you say?"
Way to stab a friend in the back, Danny.
"I will not. You both have the problem, DanielJackson, not just O'Neill. You must work through this together." With that he turned, walking out the door. As the door slides shut I turn to Benedict Arnold.
"Leave Jack locked in here?"
He's ignoring me. Gone back to sit against his wall, staring at the ceiling, pretending I don't exist. You just wait, Dannyboy . . . as soon as my throat stops hurting there will be entertainment galore.
I walk towards the kit bag, wondering what Teal'c and Carter have given us. There is enough food and water for at least another day. Crap. Cute Carter . . . very cute. She's packed all four of our med kits. What? She thinks I'll hurt him . . . or maybe *snicker* she thinks he'll hurt me.
I toss an MRE at Daniel and grab one of my own. Returning to the bed I continue rummaging through the bag. At the bottom I see the cause of all our current woes. Carter, I am assuming, has placed the deck of cards in the bottom of the kit bag. I'm tempted to take them out and rip each card in two, however another, more entertaining thought plays through my mind.
"Strip poker?"
"What?"
"Up for a rematch?"
"We don't have cards, Jack, you threw them all over the ship, remember?"
I remove the deck, waving it in his direction.
"Only this time. I deal."
"Fine. It has to be better than what we've been doing."
I move towards Daniel's spot on the floor and begin dealing. Though I admit that Daniel is a good card player, we're equally matched this time around as cheater boy isn't dealing. Refusing to let him deal even one hand, we've played 10 games and are currently 6-4 in my favor.
"Up for more?"
"Bring it on . . ."
We continue to play, Daniel winning two games in succession. We're now tied. Both sitting in nothing but our boxers, I begin to deal the deciding hand. Just as I deal the last card I hear the door open. There, looking extremely amused, stands both Teal'c and Carter. I see Daniel turn a shade of red as he reaches for his clothes. Me? I curse to myself. This is the 2nd time my team have caught me . . . um . . . with my pants down.
"Are you springing us?"
"Yes Sir. We actually need your help."
"Fine . . . uh . . . could we get a little privacy Major?"
"Sorry Sir . . . Let's go Teal'c"
They turn and walk away leaving the door opened for us. I look at a flustered Daniel trying desperately to get his clothes back on. I don't bother to hide the grin on my face as I get dressed. Turnabout is fair play. Daniel looks at me, sending daggers through me, as if it's all my fault they opened the door while he was . . . indisposed.
"You planned that didn't you?"
"Planned what?"
"The strip poker . . . Sam and Teal'c walking in . . . I wouldn't put it passed you if you even planned Teal'c locking us in here."
"Now you're just being paranoid, Danny." I grinned a mischievous grin as I walk to the door. No harm in letting him think what he wants.
We walked out of our prison, I whistle as I make my way towards Carter and Teal'c. "So, what's up kids?"
"We've almost got the systems repaired, Sir. They aren't working perfectly but the ship is flying."
"Alright . . . so what do you want us to do?"
"Teal'c will show you, Sir. Daniel, can you help me?"
I walked over to Teal'c, Daniel to Sam. We spend the remainder of the evening working on the ships systems. Carter is smart, if anyone can get this hunk of metal to that asteroid it's her.
Daniel is glaring at me again. I can see the wheels turning in that brilliant brain of his. He thinks I planned it all . . . of course I didn't, how could I? But there's nothing wrong with keeping Danny on his toes. I'll let him stew for a while. Things have just got a whole lot more interesting.
TBC--next part by Layton Colt
(This part written by FCOL)
"29 bottles of beer on the wall . . . 29 bottles of beer." You know, I absolutely hate this song. It's the most tedious, horrible song created . . . well . . . almost, but we won't go there. Why am I singing it if I hate it? Hmmm . . . good question. The answer? is sitting on the floor glaring at me.
Still in complete shock over Teal'c. Him locking us in here was the last thing I expected. Maybe we have been acting a little childish but it's all Daniel's fault. He couldn't just lose gracefully at strip poker, he had to cheat. This never would have happened if he'd only let himself be the one stripped to his boxers, as was only right.
He's glaring at me again. Tough, Dannyboy. "99 bottles of beer on the wall . . . " Ok so I'm probably just begging for him to strangle me, I mean, 6 rounds of 99 bottle of beer on the wall is enough to drive any sane person to the dark side, but I'm afraid, Dannyboy . . . this is just the beginning.
"Will you PLEASE shut up?!!"
"96 bottles of beer on the wall, 96 bottles of beer . . ." Damn. Beer would be SO good right now. Mmmmm beer. Why couldn't we have brought a TV with us? I mean honestly, Carter's a smart cookie, I'm sure she'd be able to figure out how to have one installed. Beer, hockey and pizza . . . the three staples of life. I wonder who won the game tonight . . .
"85 bottles of beer on the wall . . . OW!!!" I open my eyes, staring a hole through the archeologist that DARED to throw his shoe at my head. He's grinning, actually grinning at me. You've met your match, Dannyboy . . . "I am Henry the 8th I am, Henry the 8th I am I am . . ." I see him wince. You brought it on yourself, kid, I was more than happy singing about beer.
The hours crawl by. I begin to wonder what Carter and Teal'c are doing. Daniel is huddled in a corner with his hands over his ears. This of course does nothing as I've increased the volume at which I am singing so as to penetrate his attempt at blocking me out. It's funny, for a very smart man Daniel doesn't have a very good memory. I'm black ops . . . torture . . . it's a little something I picked up in my training. Oh did I mention I was at the top of my class?
"Argh! I can't take anymore! Enough!!"
"Problem, Daniel?"
"Problem . . .? PROBLEM? You've been 'singing' for 3 hours straight!! I think my ears are starting to bleed!"
"Ah . . . perhaps you'd care to hear something different? I have many songs in my repertoire . . . let's see . . . how about . . . This is the song that doesn't end, it goes on and on my friends . . . some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because . . . this is the song that doesn't end . . ."
"NO!!!! Teal'c!! Teal'c!! Come on! OPEN THE DOOR!!! PLEASE! I'll do anything! Please just let me out!"
"I will not release you, DanielJackson, until you and O'Neill resolve your disagreement."
I hear the amusement in his voice. He thinks this is funny . . . was that a giggle from Carter? Well that's not good. They're having fun while I'm stuck in here with Mr. Whiney? Damn.
"SAM?! Can you hear me? Please open the door!"
"I'm sorry, Daniel. Teal'c's right, you and the Colonel have to work this out. Teal'c and I are going to try and get a few more of the systems working . . . we'll be back soon."
"No! Wait . . . I can help . . .! Sam . . .? Teal'c . . .?"
"They're gone, Daniel." I can't help but grin, all my innate Dr. Evilness shining through. He looks frightened, actually frightened that we aren't getting out of here anytime soon. I know what will cheer him up . . . "This is the song that never ends . . . it goes on and on my friends . . ."
"Jack! I swear, if you do not STOP that . . . whatever the hell that's supposed to be I'm going to do more than throw my show at you!"
Though I have no doubt Daniel means every word, I'm really not worried. He might have bulked up and become a pretty good soldier but I can still kick his ass from here to Othala and back again. So for the time being I content myself with the fact that until Carter and Teal'c feel like opening the door, I have a captive audience . . . literally.
Although, that song is REALLY starting to annoy me, time for a switch. "Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream." A groan from the figure sliding slowly down the wall tells me he is beginning to accept his fate.
You know, I don't think Teal'c thought this thing all the way through. We've been in here for over 6 hours now, he doesn't seem like he's ready to let us out, but we have no food in here. I'm starving! I stop my, if I do say so myself, wonderful rendition of 'Ode to Joy' and climb to my feet.
"Thank you god!"
"Teal'c!!"
"He's not going to let us out."
"Duh . . . I want food! TEAL'C!!"
"You think he's just going to open the door and give us something to eat? I mean, we could easily over take him."
"Did you hit your head, Daniel? We could not over take Teal'c, and I happen to know our Jaffa friend will not let us starve."
"You can't starve in 6 hours, Jack."
"Hmph, speak for yourself."
I proceed to bang on the door, yet again. Come on Teal'c, buddy, open up. I can't believe that he's not going to give us something to eat. Maybe he and Carter just can't hear us, or maybe . . . " You don't think that this is part of the plan do you?"
"Oh yeah, Jack, I'm sure Teal'c's plan is to starve us into submission."
"I guess not . . . but dammit I'm hungry!"
I hear a crinkling behind me. Turning I see Daniel, a look a pure ecstasy on his face, as he bites into a chocolate bar. I should have known, he's always got food on him.
"Are you going to share?"
"Mmm"
"Daniel?"
He's ignoring me, purposely eating that chocolate bar in front of me, not bothering to offer me any. Well, if he thinks I'm gonna crack he has another thing coming. I return to my previous spot on the floor and begin another rousing rendition of the song that doesn't end. Closing my eyes, I can hear him stop chewing.
"This is the song that doesn't end, it goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because . . . this is the song that doesn't end . . ."
I have to admit, Daniel was tough, he held out just short of hearing the 20th round of the song. Hearing a groan and another crinkle I open my eyes, easily catching the chocolate bar aimed at my head. "Thanks, Dannyboy."
"Shut up."
"You know, you should really try and enjoy this time together, we're going to be here for a while."
"Jack . . . I can't take it anymore. Seriously . . . you HAVE to get Teal'c to let us out!"
"You think I want to be stuck in here with you?"
"You do seem to be enjoying yourself a little too much, yes."
"Don't flatter yourself, Daniel, I want out just as much as you do."
"Fine, then how are we getting out?"
"Well, Teal'c seems intent on us working through everything before he'll consider opening the door."
"Look, Jack, it's not my fault you're a sore loser."
"Daniel . . . I am NOT a sore loser. I DIDN'T lose. You CHEATED!"
"That's hardly the point, you're just pissed that it was you standing there in your boxers instead of me."
"Damn right!"
"What is with you anyway? I mean did you really want to embarrass me, was that the whole point of playing strip poker?"
"Look, it wasn't that I wanted to embarrass you . . . I was bored . . . it seemed like a fun idea at the time."
"Fun until you lost."
"Fine . . . FINE . . . I'm a sore loser, are you happy? I'm a sore loser and you're a cheater."
"Very mature, Jack."
"Daniel . . . I do NOT plan to spend the next three days stuck in here with you. Teal'c is just stubborn enough to leave us in here, so you better chuck the attitude and work with me here so we can get out!"
"What? Now it's MY fault we're in here?"
Dammit! When Daniel gets in one of his snarky moods there is no reasoning with him. I sigh, shaking my head. Standing, I make my way towards the bed in the corner, stretching out, might as well get some sleep while we're stuck in here.
"And why do YOU get the bed?"
"Daniel . . . I am going to count to 3, you can either get in the bed and shut up, or you can stay on the floor and shut up, either way . . . you're shutting up." I look at him with my 'I've had special ops training, I can SO kick your ass' glare, it seems to work. I don't need to count at all as he makes his way towards the bed, flopping down beside me. I turn over, staring at the wall. This is going to be the longest trip of my life, I can see it all now. If Teal'c doesn't open the door soon I'm going to lose it.
A few hours later I hear the door open, sitting up I see Teal'c entering with one of our kit bags. I am about to make a comment about finally letting us out when I see him drop the bag and turn to leave the room.
"Teal'c . . . you aren't seriously going to keep us locked in here are you?"
"Until you and DanielJackson have resolved this problem, O'Neill, I must insist on it."
"You do remember I am the CO of this team right? I can order you to let us out."
"Indeed. However, I have no intention of following such an order at this time."
Damn. He's really serious.
"Look, Teal'c, Daniel and I are fine, right, Dannyboy?" I nudge Daniel in the ribs hard, I have to get out of here. Unfortunately he was sleeping a little too close to the edge and my nudge has him sprawled on the floor. Ooops.
"OW! Dammit, what are you trying to do, kill me?"
"Look, Dannyboy, it's Teal'c . . . Tell him we've worked everything out."
"TEAL'C! Thank god . . . look, you can let me out. I'm fine really. Leave Jack locked in here, we can let him out when he's cooled off. What do you say?"
Way to stab a friend in the back, Danny.
"I will not. You both have the problem, DanielJackson, not just O'Neill. You must work through this together." With that he turned, walking out the door. As the door slides shut I turn to Benedict Arnold.
"Leave Jack locked in here?"
He's ignoring me. Gone back to sit against his wall, staring at the ceiling, pretending I don't exist. You just wait, Dannyboy . . . as soon as my throat stops hurting there will be entertainment galore.
I walk towards the kit bag, wondering what Teal'c and Carter have given us. There is enough food and water for at least another day. Crap. Cute Carter . . . very cute. She's packed all four of our med kits. What? She thinks I'll hurt him . . . or maybe *snicker* she thinks he'll hurt me.
I toss an MRE at Daniel and grab one of my own. Returning to the bed I continue rummaging through the bag. At the bottom I see the cause of all our current woes. Carter, I am assuming, has placed the deck of cards in the bottom of the kit bag. I'm tempted to take them out and rip each card in two, however another, more entertaining thought plays through my mind.
"Strip poker?"
"What?"
"Up for a rematch?"
"We don't have cards, Jack, you threw them all over the ship, remember?"
I remove the deck, waving it in his direction.
"Only this time. I deal."
"Fine. It has to be better than what we've been doing."
I move towards Daniel's spot on the floor and begin dealing. Though I admit that Daniel is a good card player, we're equally matched this time around as cheater boy isn't dealing. Refusing to let him deal even one hand, we've played 10 games and are currently 6-4 in my favor.
"Up for more?"
"Bring it on . . ."
We continue to play, Daniel winning two games in succession. We're now tied. Both sitting in nothing but our boxers, I begin to deal the deciding hand. Just as I deal the last card I hear the door open. There, looking extremely amused, stands both Teal'c and Carter. I see Daniel turn a shade of red as he reaches for his clothes. Me? I curse to myself. This is the 2nd time my team have caught me . . . um . . . with my pants down.
"Are you springing us?"
"Yes Sir. We actually need your help."
"Fine . . . uh . . . could we get a little privacy Major?"
"Sorry Sir . . . Let's go Teal'c"
They turn and walk away leaving the door opened for us. I look at a flustered Daniel trying desperately to get his clothes back on. I don't bother to hide the grin on my face as I get dressed. Turnabout is fair play. Daniel looks at me, sending daggers through me, as if it's all my fault they opened the door while he was . . . indisposed.
"You planned that didn't you?"
"Planned what?"
"The strip poker . . . Sam and Teal'c walking in . . . I wouldn't put it passed you if you even planned Teal'c locking us in here."
"Now you're just being paranoid, Danny." I grinned a mischievous grin as I walk to the door. No harm in letting him think what he wants.
We walked out of our prison, I whistle as I make my way towards Carter and Teal'c. "So, what's up kids?"
"We've almost got the systems repaired, Sir. They aren't working perfectly but the ship is flying."
"Alright . . . so what do you want us to do?"
"Teal'c will show you, Sir. Daniel, can you help me?"
I walked over to Teal'c, Daniel to Sam. We spend the remainder of the evening working on the ships systems. Carter is smart, if anyone can get this hunk of metal to that asteroid it's her.
Daniel is glaring at me again. I can see the wheels turning in that brilliant brain of his. He thinks I planned it all . . . of course I didn't, how could I? But there's nothing wrong with keeping Danny on his toes. I'll let him stew for a while. Things have just got a whole lot more interesting.
TBC--next part by Layton Colt