Radar positioned himself stage left of the great glass arch. It nearly
radiated all the sparkling light it could catch, at this point. The Pooka
made a grand gesture to the door, and, as foretold, it opened, Father
Mulcahy stepping out.
"As Divine Agency, and in the undeniably vital role of my handy assistant, Father Mulcahy!"
The Father, confused, walked toward Radar. "Did it work?" he whispered.
"We'll find out," Radar replied under his breath, keeping his mouth planted in a showman's grin as he announced, "As our leading lady-- our only lady, if you don't count Klinger--"
Father Mulcahy stepped aside, and found himself staring slack-jawed at the gleaming bottle-tower as Major Houlihan stormed out after him. "I thought priests were supposed to take a vow of silence! Do you know what flak I'm getting in there? The--"
"Major Margaret, "Hot Lips" Houlihan!" Radar concluded, cutting off the head nurse's rant, which died out as she too became awed by the sight of the sparkling archway.
"As our fearless leader, and all around good egg,"
Colonel Potter came out of the front door, "Margaret, I wanted to thank you for the new schedule! You must have worked forever on it, why don't you come back in and re--"
"Colonel Sherman T. Potter!" Radar hollered, catching the C.O's attention.
"Radar! I thought YOU were supposed to be in bed, sick!"
Radar shrugged, "Oh, no, sir, I've been taking care of Hawkeye all night."
"But Hawkeye's supposed to be taking care of-- Oh, nevermind," he grinned and chuckled, unable to stay mad in the glow of the wonderous arch of Nehi.
"As our tireless corpsman, who'd stop at nothing to help a friend or get out of the army--" Radar snapped his fingers toward the door and produced Corporal Klinger.
"Colonel Potter! Let me buy you a drink, we deserve it after all that scare, huh--" he was prattling cheerfully, only to be cut off with an announcement of "Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger!" from Radar.
"Section eight, head to toe," he mumbled his automatic epithet in confusion as he looked up to see what the others were gaping at, and began to gape, himself.
"And, of course, as the pluggers-up-of-the-thousand-holes-of-a-sinking- ship, those tireless medical men," Radar grinned, as B.J. and Sid came out, looking relieved.
"Thanks, Klinger. Don't know what we'd have done without--" B.J. started, then stopped as he saw the congregation outside, which Sidney had noted with surprise on first exiting the building.
"Doctors B.J. Hunnicutt and Sidney Freedman!" Radar applauded gently, encouraging the same action in his audience as the two joined the staring throng.
"And, of course, a night in Korea wouldn't be a night in Korea without its very own denizen of the night--"
Henry came out, quickly quaffing down his third unit of blood from a brandy snifter, and holding another full one quite contentedly in his opposite hand.
"Thanks, guys, I feel better already." He blinked heavily, then widened his eyes, "But, boy, am I ever in for the hangover of a lifetime."
"Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake!" Radar yelped, and Henry lifted the empty glass to his ear, trying to stop the echoing, nauseating sound.
"Oh, jeez, Radar, not so-- Hey. That's kind of nice," he said plainly of the great arch, expressing about one one-hundredth of what the gang was feeling from taking in the sight.
"And last, but not least! The cowardly, quaking, tragic hero, our very own- -"
"YOU CAN'T EAT ME YOU SICK LITTLE WHATEVER YOU ARE!!!" Frank hollered, thrusting two crosses out ahead of him as he cringed away from Henry, who, thanks to the arch's pleasantly soothing effects, hardly made any note of him.
The door which Frank had shoved open swung within millimeters of the nearest bottle, but shook it not at all. As it swung shut, and he still stood in its way, it collided with him with a dull thud.
"Major Frank Burns!" Radar announced, and the world went silent. The 'cast' shook their heads as the thud and the announcement seemed to break loose some sort of tension that was holding the earth together, and for a moment everyone felt a little lighthearted and giddy, with the exception of Frank, who looked up at the pile of bottles over him, and whimpered in the split second it took for the perfectly steady arch to shake once, twice, then all seem to contend to fall directly on his head.
Miraculously, none of the bottles broke. No dangerous shards were formed. Frank, despite being terrified and mildly bludgeoned, was fine.
At the clatter, the silence extended back into the Officer's club, and everybody stood back in a kind of ring around the room to look out the door.
It was pure silence for a second. Then, someone giggled. Then, two someones chuckled. Soon, even Margaret and Colonel Potter were stifling a huge case of the chortles.
Over the roar of the crowd, from a corner of darkness beside the smiling Swamp, there soared the distinctive and hearty guffaw of the Glamourous Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce.
~
"As Divine Agency, and in the undeniably vital role of my handy assistant, Father Mulcahy!"
The Father, confused, walked toward Radar. "Did it work?" he whispered.
"We'll find out," Radar replied under his breath, keeping his mouth planted in a showman's grin as he announced, "As our leading lady-- our only lady, if you don't count Klinger--"
Father Mulcahy stepped aside, and found himself staring slack-jawed at the gleaming bottle-tower as Major Houlihan stormed out after him. "I thought priests were supposed to take a vow of silence! Do you know what flak I'm getting in there? The--"
"Major Margaret, "Hot Lips" Houlihan!" Radar concluded, cutting off the head nurse's rant, which died out as she too became awed by the sight of the sparkling archway.
"As our fearless leader, and all around good egg,"
Colonel Potter came out of the front door, "Margaret, I wanted to thank you for the new schedule! You must have worked forever on it, why don't you come back in and re--"
"Colonel Sherman T. Potter!" Radar hollered, catching the C.O's attention.
"Radar! I thought YOU were supposed to be in bed, sick!"
Radar shrugged, "Oh, no, sir, I've been taking care of Hawkeye all night."
"But Hawkeye's supposed to be taking care of-- Oh, nevermind," he grinned and chuckled, unable to stay mad in the glow of the wonderous arch of Nehi.
"As our tireless corpsman, who'd stop at nothing to help a friend or get out of the army--" Radar snapped his fingers toward the door and produced Corporal Klinger.
"Colonel Potter! Let me buy you a drink, we deserve it after all that scare, huh--" he was prattling cheerfully, only to be cut off with an announcement of "Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger!" from Radar.
"Section eight, head to toe," he mumbled his automatic epithet in confusion as he looked up to see what the others were gaping at, and began to gape, himself.
"And, of course, as the pluggers-up-of-the-thousand-holes-of-a-sinking- ship, those tireless medical men," Radar grinned, as B.J. and Sid came out, looking relieved.
"Thanks, Klinger. Don't know what we'd have done without--" B.J. started, then stopped as he saw the congregation outside, which Sidney had noted with surprise on first exiting the building.
"Doctors B.J. Hunnicutt and Sidney Freedman!" Radar applauded gently, encouraging the same action in his audience as the two joined the staring throng.
"And, of course, a night in Korea wouldn't be a night in Korea without its very own denizen of the night--"
Henry came out, quickly quaffing down his third unit of blood from a brandy snifter, and holding another full one quite contentedly in his opposite hand.
"Thanks, guys, I feel better already." He blinked heavily, then widened his eyes, "But, boy, am I ever in for the hangover of a lifetime."
"Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake!" Radar yelped, and Henry lifted the empty glass to his ear, trying to stop the echoing, nauseating sound.
"Oh, jeez, Radar, not so-- Hey. That's kind of nice," he said plainly of the great arch, expressing about one one-hundredth of what the gang was feeling from taking in the sight.
"And last, but not least! The cowardly, quaking, tragic hero, our very own- -"
"YOU CAN'T EAT ME YOU SICK LITTLE WHATEVER YOU ARE!!!" Frank hollered, thrusting two crosses out ahead of him as he cringed away from Henry, who, thanks to the arch's pleasantly soothing effects, hardly made any note of him.
The door which Frank had shoved open swung within millimeters of the nearest bottle, but shook it not at all. As it swung shut, and he still stood in its way, it collided with him with a dull thud.
"Major Frank Burns!" Radar announced, and the world went silent. The 'cast' shook their heads as the thud and the announcement seemed to break loose some sort of tension that was holding the earth together, and for a moment everyone felt a little lighthearted and giddy, with the exception of Frank, who looked up at the pile of bottles over him, and whimpered in the split second it took for the perfectly steady arch to shake once, twice, then all seem to contend to fall directly on his head.
Miraculously, none of the bottles broke. No dangerous shards were formed. Frank, despite being terrified and mildly bludgeoned, was fine.
At the clatter, the silence extended back into the Officer's club, and everybody stood back in a kind of ring around the room to look out the door.
It was pure silence for a second. Then, someone giggled. Then, two someones chuckled. Soon, even Margaret and Colonel Potter were stifling a huge case of the chortles.
Over the roar of the crowd, from a corner of darkness beside the smiling Swamp, there soared the distinctive and hearty guffaw of the Glamourous Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce.
~