AN: Here's what happened on the guys' end of things. Yes, people are
still horribly out
of character, but what do you expect? One more chapter will be added to
this "saga",
telling of the aftermath.
Johnny Cage groaned as he watched the muscles in Sub-Zero's back flex. He sincerely hoped that the ice ninja and Scorpion wouldn't actively try to kill each other. Not only had his apartment just been redecorated, but also he doubted his renter's insurance would cover dueling ninjas.
Raiden chose his apartment for this little male bonding session because it was the largest. Still, it seemed rather small when creamed full of ninjas, monks, and other freaks of nature. Raiden had literally called upon every fighter on the side of "good" in past tournaments. Seated in Johnny's living room were the aforementioned Scorpion and Sub-Zero, Smoke, Cyrax, Kenshi, Kung Lao, Bo' Rai Cho, Mokap, Stryker, Nightwolf, Jax; even Fujin was there, grumbling in the corner.
Currently Sub-Zero, Scorpion, Cyrax and Smoke were all arguing; Kung Lao, Kenshi and Bo' Rai Cho were debating the advantages of Outworld fighting styles; Nightwolf seemed to be meditating; Stryker and Mokap were animatedly discussing the World Series; Fujin was staring haughtily into space; and Jax was glaring menacingly at Johnny.
Johnny had made the mistake of making a pointed comment about the presumed relationship between Jax and Sonya, which had gone over like a lead balloon. The same thing had happened when Scorpion accused Sub-Zero of sleeping with his pet student, Frost. In Johnny's opinion, the Lin Kuei master was protesting a little too hard, but he wasn't going to get into that mess.
At least most of the others were being civil to each other, even if things were a little less than friendly. 'It really is like being back in high school,' Johnny mused to himself. The cliques, the nonsense chatter, the big guy who wanted to beat him up for making a pass at his girlfriend, it was all there.
No one was the least bit surprised when Raiden portalled in a few minutes later. They were surprised, however, by the fact he had a case of beer under each arm. Before anyone could ask him about it, he announced," You female friends have convinced me that you need something to help loosen you up. But, I don't want to see any drunken brawling, even if the girls have considered taking bets."
"Thirteen guys can't get drunk on two cases of beer," Mokap pointed out.
"I'm sure you could manage to procure more, if you so desired," Raiden responded. With that he portalled back out, but not before Johnny heard him mutter, "I can't believe I'm doing this.
Bo' Rai Cho had perked up immediately and was the first to grab a beer. The others followed suit, with the exceptions of Scorpion and Fujin, most likely because their states of being prevented them form being inebriated. Neither Cyrax nor Smoke were sure their cyborg forms would process alcohol, but there were damned if they weren't going to try.
It wasn't' until his third beer that Johnny came up with what he later deemed hi worst idea ever. "We should play a game!" he declared.
"A game?" Sub-Zero cocked an eyebrow. "I think we're a little too competitive for that."
"No, no. it will be fun," Johnny insisted. "We just need more beer."\
"More beer? What the hell are we playing," asked Jax.
"Asshole!" Johnny cringed at the look Jax shot him. "Its the name of the game," he said quietly.
"I haven't played that game in years!" Stryker said. "I usually won because I had the highest tolerance."
"Somehow I don't think you can out drink Bo'" Mokap pointed out.
Kung Lao looked confused. "How do you play?"
"Its sorta like bullshit, but without the lying," Johnny explained. "Kung Lao as still confused. "It's a card game where-"
"I'd liked to point out a logistical problem with me playing cards," Kenshi interrupted him.
"Right, well we'll partner you up or something," Johnny dismissed him. "To make a long story short, you try to put down your cards first so you can be President. The last guy becomes the Asshole and has to do what everyone else says."
After much cajoling, the rest of the group finally agreed to play and Stryker and Mokap were dispatched to the liquor store while Johnny rummaged for the card decks.
Twenty rounds later, everyone was thoroughly sloshed, with the exception of the specter and the god. Johnny was near passing out because of an unfortunate period where Jax was the President and Johnny was reduced to Asshole. Stryker and Sub- Zero dominated the rest of the game. Although Bo' Rai Cho could out drink both of them combined, they were better card players.
"I think we should stop now," Kung Lao slurred. While he hadn't fared as badly as Johnny, he had partnered up with the equally clueless Kenshi.
Johnny agreed with that suggestion enthusiastically, but neither Bo' Rai Cho, Stryker or Jax wanted to call the game off while they weren't in the President's Seat. It was ten rounds later when almost no one could see their cards anymore that Scorpion, who had taken advantage of the fact everyone else was drunk off their asses, was declared the winner. Sub-Zero made a passing remark about cheating, but a well-placed elbow from Nightwolf shut him up.
"So what do we do now," Mokap asked from his position half on and half off the chair.
"Don't look at me," Johnny mumbled, "I came up with Asshole."
"You're the host," Nightwolf pointed out.
"Raiden's the host," Kung Lao argued. "Johnny just had the biggest apartment."
"I'm bored," complained Kenshi, "Can we do something I can actually participate in?"
"I bet the girls aren't having this sort of problem," Jax grumbled.
"What, not getting along?" Sub-Zero spoke up. "Raiden's probably prying Sonya and Frost apart right now." After noticing the slightly dreamy look on several of his companions faces he amended, "Because they were fighting, you perverts."
"Who do you think would win that fight?" Cyrax asked.
"Who cares, as long as they let us watch!" answered Smoke.
Kenshi grumbled something unintelligible, and Scorpion snorted in disgust. Fujin just rolled his eyes.
"Out of all the fighters from all the tournaments, which cat fight would you most like to see," Johnny asked.
"Definitely Sonya versus Frost," Jax said.
"Kitana versus Mileena and possibly Jade," offered Stryker.
"Have a little twin fantasy?" Mokap teased him.
"I'd rather see Kitana versus Tanya. It ought to be pretty brutal," Sub-Zero said.
"Frost versus Li Mei," Kung Lao spoke up next.
Li Mei versus Nitara. It would be fun to see who pops out of their top first," Bo' Rai Cho said.
"Was I the only one waiting for Li Mei's gold chain thing to break?" Johnny asked.
"Who wasn't?" Jax asked.
Stryker, Nightwolf and Kenshi raised their hands. "You would have if you couldn't have seen it," Cyrax said.
"Can cyborgs have sex?" Kenshi asked suddenly.
"What the hell kinda question is that?" Smoke asked him.
"One you should answer," Nightwolf responded.
"Well yeah, assuming your partner is to drunk to realize you're part robot," Smoke finally said.
"How about specters?" Kung Lao asked.
"Might I point out the whole skull/skeleton thing?" Scorpion answered
sarcastically.
"So that's why you're so pissy all the time," Sub-Zero teased him.
"Yes, but on the other hand I'm not abusing my position of authority to take advantage of my student," Scorpion said.
"We are not having sex," insisted Sub-Zero.
"He's much too sensitive for that, they probably 'make love'," Smoke said.
"Whose side are you on?"
"Don't tell me you really aren't screwing her. Because if you aren't, you're officially the biggest idiot on the face of the planet," Smoke continued.
"It may not be his choice, sometime guys his age just can't get it up," commented Scorpion.
There were a few tense moments as the two rivals glared at each other, but luckily for Johnny's apartment, Sub-Zero was much too drunk to do anything besides growl and throw a cushion in Scorpion's general direction. Unfortunately, it missed and knocked a lamp, several cans and a bowl of M & M's off the table and onto Kenshi, who was sitting below. Kenshi used his telekinetic powers to fling the candies back at Sub- Zero, but the splatter zone included all three Lin Kuei. The M & M throwing immediately escalated into a full-fledged assault, with candy flying everywhere. (Johnny would later find them crushed into the most improbable of places, but that's a tale for another time.) The flight ended when Nightwolf flicked one directly into Mokap's eye, prompting Johnny to quit, "Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye."
"Then it becomes a quest of vengeance," Kenshi sighed.
"Hey, the bastard's dead, ain't he?" Jax said. "What else can you do?"
"Vengeance is rarely worth it, anyhow," Scorpion offered.
"Especially when its against the wrong person," said Sub-Zero.
"I said I was sorry," huffed Scorpion, "And I didn't actually kill you."
"That just makes everything sooooooooo much better," Sub-Zero rolled his eyes.
"If only that excuse worked all the time," Kenshi commented.
"I thought he had killed my family," Scorpion protested.
"You trusted Quan Chi! That rates a ten on the stupidity scale," came the rebuttal from Sub-Zero.
"Well its over now, anyway," said Scorpion.
Sub-Zero grumbled something that sounded a lot like 'yeah right', but the matter was dropped.
"What do we do now?" Mokap asked.
"I don't know, but it should definitely be something noncompetitive," Nightwolf suggested.
"Because Heaven forbid we do something the blind person would like to do!" complained Kenshi.
"Fine, what do you want to do?" Cyrax asked.
"I dunno," was the reply.
"How bout, 'I've Never'" said Mokap.
"No, that requires more alcohol. What about a game of Truth?" Stryker grinned evilly.
"Truth or Dare?" asked Jax.
"No, in Truth everyone gets asked one question and they have to answer it truthfully or face the consequences," Stryker explained.
"What are the consequences?"
"Depends, but its usually something brutal."
Johnny would have sworn the ninjas were all grinning under their masks. Even Fujin seemed to be interested. "I have a feeling we're going to regret this later, but let's lay down some ground rules. Numbero uno, you don't answer a question, you don't get to ask one. Number two, if you are found to be lying.um."
"You get stripped naked and dropped off in the red light district," finished Cyrax.
"Good one!" Smoke high-fived him.
Fine, number three, if you refuse to answer a question." Johnny continued.
"You have to go on a panty raid to Sonya's apartment," decided Jax.
"That is brutal," Mokap said.
"Alright, any questions?" asked Johnny. "Who's gonna start?"
"Let Fujin go, he hasn't done anything all night," suggested Nightwolf.
Fujin thought for a bit, then asked Cyrax, "What sort of 'inappropriate' male bonding went on during your training in the Lin Kuei?"
Scorpion coughed, but Cyrax ignored him and said, "There was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on."
"Bullshit!" Smoke said at once. "It was just like any fraternity house."
"Where the hell did you live? We all went to sleep in out own beds," Cyrax sounded indignant.
"You remember the time you fell asleep first and Torch colored your dick with a permanent marker?" Smoke asked Sub-Zero.
"How could I forget, it was like that for a week?" Sub-Zero smiled wryly.
Cyrax looked as horrified as was possible for a cyborg and quickly tried to change the topic. "So Jax, have you and Sonya ever hooked up?"
"We did once, but we were both very drunk," Jax admitted.
"I knew it!" announced Johnny.
"Alright, smart ass, why do your movies suck so hard?" Jax asked.
"They don't suck!"
"Yes they do!" was the unanimous reply.
"And you haven't answered the question," added Jax.
"I can't answer that!" Johnny protested.
"That's too bad, because one of the girls is sure to catch you at Sonya's apartment," Mokap pointed out.
"You are so next," Johnny warned him. "Fine, my movies suck because they - uh-"
"Have you in them?" offered Cyrax.
"Because they're self-serving pieces of crap written solely to make a profit without regard to style or originality?" Mokap added.
"Actually, I was going to say 'because the motion capture sucks'," Johnny retorted. "So why haven't you starred in any movies?"
"Because I respect my integrity as an actor," Mokap said smartly. "And because I don't have the looks for it."
"Neither does Fly Boy," Jax assumed him, ignoring Johnny flipping the bird.
"Kenshi, have you ever used the whole blind thing to gain sympathy from women?" Mokap wanted to know.
"Wouldn't you?" answered Kenshi. "Its also useful for accidentally groping women."
"That's horrible," Stryker said. "I've got to try that."
"So Bo, what's the worst refusal a woman has ever given you?"
"Hmmmmm.. Probably, 'I wouldn't sleep with you if my choice was that or having my eyes carved out with a rusty spoon," Bo' Rai Cho said. "I've gotten a few gems over the years."
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Smoke stage whispered.
"Really, and when was the last time you slept with a woman?"
"Shit, it had to be before the third tournament. About ten years ago, I think."
"Ten years," Stryker looked dumbfounded. "And I thought I had it bad."
"Speaking of you, what the hell happened to you in the third tournament?" Smoke asked.
"Motaru," was the simple reply.
"Motaru? You had a nightstick, a gun, and impact grenades!" Kung Lao
exclaimed.
"And Motaru had an armor plated stomach, which I found out the hard way. He tail whipped me into the path of an incoming subway train. Frankly, I'm not sure how or why I survived that," Stryker looked thoughtful. "Then again, people in this tournament rarely die and stay dead."
Sonya and I have a running bet on how long it will take Liu to be resurrected," Jax told him.
"That's horrible!" protested Kung Lao.
"Can I join?" Bo' Rai Cho asked.
"Anyway.. Sub-Zero, how do you keep lil' Subbie from making an appearance when you wear those tights?" Stryker asked.
"Why are you so interested in his dick?" Johnny asked.
"I have enough trouble camouflaging when I'm wearing pants, I was just curious what you would do with something tighter. All the other ninjas have those little skirts, but Sub-Zero didn't," Stryker tried to explain.
"They're sashes, not skirts," said Smoke.
"You don't have to be ashamed, transvestites are accepted by most of society now," Sub Zero chided Smoke. "And to answer your question, I have a Prince Albert." There was complete silence as the group stared at him with a mix of horrified and confused faces.
"I give up," Kung Lao said, "What's a Prince Albert?"
"Well, they take a ring and insert it into your- " he was interrupted by the most of the room groaning and looking at him like he'd gone completely mad.
"Let me guess, you hook your piercing into something in your tights," Kung Lao said.
"Bingo."
"I'd walk around with it hanging completely out of my pants before I'd let someone get near me with a needle," Mokap declared.
"Hey, 'chicks dig it' as they say," Sub-Zero told him.
"Does Frost?" inquired Scorpion.
"Will you just let that go?" Sub-Zero was exasperated. "Fine, How did you die?"
"You know damn well how I died!" Scorpion argued.
"Tell them," Sub-Zero indicated the rest of the group.
"Fine, I was killed by Sub-Zero. Not this one though."
"It took him three attempts to get revenge, and it turns out Quan Chi was using him all along," Sub-Zero added.
"Shut up!" growled Scorpion. "Kung Lao, what's with the hat?"
"What do you mean? You've seen me use it in a fight?" the monk was confused again.
"But why a hat?"
"Because I like hats. And I particularly like this one," he clutched his hat protectively.
"That's just freakin' weird, just to let you know," Stryker informed him.
"Who's left?" asked Johnny.
"Nightwolf and Fujin," Smoke answered.
Kung Lao shrugged, "I don't' have anything interesting to ask."
"Ooooh, I do!" Kenshi said. "What's the meanest thing you've ever done to a mortal, Fujin?"
"I don't know. Raiden's the one who spends the most time down here. I guess it would have to be sucking a few truly obnoxious ones into a tornado. I let them go about one mile up," Fujin smirked slightly.
"I thought you'd be more creative that that," said Kenshi.
Everyone looked at Nightwolf, who calmly stared back at them. "Go ahead and say it," he urged them. "I'm boring."
"Yes, you are," Jax agreed.
"Well shit, now what do we do?" Johnny asked.
"Where's Raiden? Maybe we can call it a night," suggested Nightwolf.
"We can go have that panty raid!" Cyrax said.
Smoke was completely against the idea. "I'd rather not have one of the girls lodge my testicles in my anus, than you."
"I'm too tired to do anything," whined Stryker. "My shift starts in two hours, and I'm going to be so hung-over."
"Morning exercises are going to suck today," moaned Sub-Zero.
"Everything is going to suck today," Jax corrected.
"You know, we should really do this again some other time," said Kung Lao.
"So long as it's not in my apartment," agreed Johnny.
"There's plenty of room in the Lin Kuei headquarters," Sub-Zero offered. "And plenty of novices to make clean up the mess."
"Sounds good to me," Kenshi spoke from the floor, "As long as you promise to keep the temperature of freezing."
"You do realize the location of Headquarters is supposed to be secret," Smoke teased.
"Its not like I'm throwing an open house kegger," Sub-Zero argued. "As long as Scorpion promises not to blow the peace up, we're good."
***
Johnny wasn't sure how the conversation ended because it was right about then that he passed out. It was three in the afternoon when he awoke to fine "Loser" written on his forehead (Jax's doing), the toilet cling wrapped, all his boxers in the freezer, and candy-coated chocolates mashed into his formerly brand new couch. To top it all off, Raiden was helping himself to the last of the coffee in the coffee maker.
"Did you boys have fun last night?" Raiden asked.
"Depends on your definition of fun."
"At least no one died," Raiden looked quite relieved at that thought.
"My couch did."
"You mortals and your obsession with worldly passions," Raiden shook his head dramatically.
"I'd better be reimbursed for that, Sparky."
"Of course, but call me Sparky again and your couch won't be the only thing that needs replacing."
Johnny Cage groaned as he watched the muscles in Sub-Zero's back flex. He sincerely hoped that the ice ninja and Scorpion wouldn't actively try to kill each other. Not only had his apartment just been redecorated, but also he doubted his renter's insurance would cover dueling ninjas.
Raiden chose his apartment for this little male bonding session because it was the largest. Still, it seemed rather small when creamed full of ninjas, monks, and other freaks of nature. Raiden had literally called upon every fighter on the side of "good" in past tournaments. Seated in Johnny's living room were the aforementioned Scorpion and Sub-Zero, Smoke, Cyrax, Kenshi, Kung Lao, Bo' Rai Cho, Mokap, Stryker, Nightwolf, Jax; even Fujin was there, grumbling in the corner.
Currently Sub-Zero, Scorpion, Cyrax and Smoke were all arguing; Kung Lao, Kenshi and Bo' Rai Cho were debating the advantages of Outworld fighting styles; Nightwolf seemed to be meditating; Stryker and Mokap were animatedly discussing the World Series; Fujin was staring haughtily into space; and Jax was glaring menacingly at Johnny.
Johnny had made the mistake of making a pointed comment about the presumed relationship between Jax and Sonya, which had gone over like a lead balloon. The same thing had happened when Scorpion accused Sub-Zero of sleeping with his pet student, Frost. In Johnny's opinion, the Lin Kuei master was protesting a little too hard, but he wasn't going to get into that mess.
At least most of the others were being civil to each other, even if things were a little less than friendly. 'It really is like being back in high school,' Johnny mused to himself. The cliques, the nonsense chatter, the big guy who wanted to beat him up for making a pass at his girlfriend, it was all there.
No one was the least bit surprised when Raiden portalled in a few minutes later. They were surprised, however, by the fact he had a case of beer under each arm. Before anyone could ask him about it, he announced," You female friends have convinced me that you need something to help loosen you up. But, I don't want to see any drunken brawling, even if the girls have considered taking bets."
"Thirteen guys can't get drunk on two cases of beer," Mokap pointed out.
"I'm sure you could manage to procure more, if you so desired," Raiden responded. With that he portalled back out, but not before Johnny heard him mutter, "I can't believe I'm doing this.
Bo' Rai Cho had perked up immediately and was the first to grab a beer. The others followed suit, with the exceptions of Scorpion and Fujin, most likely because their states of being prevented them form being inebriated. Neither Cyrax nor Smoke were sure their cyborg forms would process alcohol, but there were damned if they weren't going to try.
It wasn't' until his third beer that Johnny came up with what he later deemed hi worst idea ever. "We should play a game!" he declared.
"A game?" Sub-Zero cocked an eyebrow. "I think we're a little too competitive for that."
"No, no. it will be fun," Johnny insisted. "We just need more beer."\
"More beer? What the hell are we playing," asked Jax.
"Asshole!" Johnny cringed at the look Jax shot him. "Its the name of the game," he said quietly.
"I haven't played that game in years!" Stryker said. "I usually won because I had the highest tolerance."
"Somehow I don't think you can out drink Bo'" Mokap pointed out.
Kung Lao looked confused. "How do you play?"
"Its sorta like bullshit, but without the lying," Johnny explained. "Kung Lao as still confused. "It's a card game where-"
"I'd liked to point out a logistical problem with me playing cards," Kenshi interrupted him.
"Right, well we'll partner you up or something," Johnny dismissed him. "To make a long story short, you try to put down your cards first so you can be President. The last guy becomes the Asshole and has to do what everyone else says."
After much cajoling, the rest of the group finally agreed to play and Stryker and Mokap were dispatched to the liquor store while Johnny rummaged for the card decks.
Twenty rounds later, everyone was thoroughly sloshed, with the exception of the specter and the god. Johnny was near passing out because of an unfortunate period where Jax was the President and Johnny was reduced to Asshole. Stryker and Sub- Zero dominated the rest of the game. Although Bo' Rai Cho could out drink both of them combined, they were better card players.
"I think we should stop now," Kung Lao slurred. While he hadn't fared as badly as Johnny, he had partnered up with the equally clueless Kenshi.
Johnny agreed with that suggestion enthusiastically, but neither Bo' Rai Cho, Stryker or Jax wanted to call the game off while they weren't in the President's Seat. It was ten rounds later when almost no one could see their cards anymore that Scorpion, who had taken advantage of the fact everyone else was drunk off their asses, was declared the winner. Sub-Zero made a passing remark about cheating, but a well-placed elbow from Nightwolf shut him up.
"So what do we do now," Mokap asked from his position half on and half off the chair.
"Don't look at me," Johnny mumbled, "I came up with Asshole."
"You're the host," Nightwolf pointed out.
"Raiden's the host," Kung Lao argued. "Johnny just had the biggest apartment."
"I'm bored," complained Kenshi, "Can we do something I can actually participate in?"
"I bet the girls aren't having this sort of problem," Jax grumbled.
"What, not getting along?" Sub-Zero spoke up. "Raiden's probably prying Sonya and Frost apart right now." After noticing the slightly dreamy look on several of his companions faces he amended, "Because they were fighting, you perverts."
"Who do you think would win that fight?" Cyrax asked.
"Who cares, as long as they let us watch!" answered Smoke.
Kenshi grumbled something unintelligible, and Scorpion snorted in disgust. Fujin just rolled his eyes.
"Out of all the fighters from all the tournaments, which cat fight would you most like to see," Johnny asked.
"Definitely Sonya versus Frost," Jax said.
"Kitana versus Mileena and possibly Jade," offered Stryker.
"Have a little twin fantasy?" Mokap teased him.
"I'd rather see Kitana versus Tanya. It ought to be pretty brutal," Sub-Zero said.
"Frost versus Li Mei," Kung Lao spoke up next.
Li Mei versus Nitara. It would be fun to see who pops out of their top first," Bo' Rai Cho said.
"Was I the only one waiting for Li Mei's gold chain thing to break?" Johnny asked.
"Who wasn't?" Jax asked.
Stryker, Nightwolf and Kenshi raised their hands. "You would have if you couldn't have seen it," Cyrax said.
"Can cyborgs have sex?" Kenshi asked suddenly.
"What the hell kinda question is that?" Smoke asked him.
"One you should answer," Nightwolf responded.
"Well yeah, assuming your partner is to drunk to realize you're part robot," Smoke finally said.
"How about specters?" Kung Lao asked.
"Might I point out the whole skull/skeleton thing?" Scorpion answered
sarcastically.
"So that's why you're so pissy all the time," Sub-Zero teased him.
"Yes, but on the other hand I'm not abusing my position of authority to take advantage of my student," Scorpion said.
"We are not having sex," insisted Sub-Zero.
"He's much too sensitive for that, they probably 'make love'," Smoke said.
"Whose side are you on?"
"Don't tell me you really aren't screwing her. Because if you aren't, you're officially the biggest idiot on the face of the planet," Smoke continued.
"It may not be his choice, sometime guys his age just can't get it up," commented Scorpion.
There were a few tense moments as the two rivals glared at each other, but luckily for Johnny's apartment, Sub-Zero was much too drunk to do anything besides growl and throw a cushion in Scorpion's general direction. Unfortunately, it missed and knocked a lamp, several cans and a bowl of M & M's off the table and onto Kenshi, who was sitting below. Kenshi used his telekinetic powers to fling the candies back at Sub- Zero, but the splatter zone included all three Lin Kuei. The M & M throwing immediately escalated into a full-fledged assault, with candy flying everywhere. (Johnny would later find them crushed into the most improbable of places, but that's a tale for another time.) The flight ended when Nightwolf flicked one directly into Mokap's eye, prompting Johnny to quit, "Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye."
"Then it becomes a quest of vengeance," Kenshi sighed.
"Hey, the bastard's dead, ain't he?" Jax said. "What else can you do?"
"Vengeance is rarely worth it, anyhow," Scorpion offered.
"Especially when its against the wrong person," said Sub-Zero.
"I said I was sorry," huffed Scorpion, "And I didn't actually kill you."
"That just makes everything sooooooooo much better," Sub-Zero rolled his eyes.
"If only that excuse worked all the time," Kenshi commented.
"I thought he had killed my family," Scorpion protested.
"You trusted Quan Chi! That rates a ten on the stupidity scale," came the rebuttal from Sub-Zero.
"Well its over now, anyway," said Scorpion.
Sub-Zero grumbled something that sounded a lot like 'yeah right', but the matter was dropped.
"What do we do now?" Mokap asked.
"I don't know, but it should definitely be something noncompetitive," Nightwolf suggested.
"Because Heaven forbid we do something the blind person would like to do!" complained Kenshi.
"Fine, what do you want to do?" Cyrax asked.
"I dunno," was the reply.
"How bout, 'I've Never'" said Mokap.
"No, that requires more alcohol. What about a game of Truth?" Stryker grinned evilly.
"Truth or Dare?" asked Jax.
"No, in Truth everyone gets asked one question and they have to answer it truthfully or face the consequences," Stryker explained.
"What are the consequences?"
"Depends, but its usually something brutal."
Johnny would have sworn the ninjas were all grinning under their masks. Even Fujin seemed to be interested. "I have a feeling we're going to regret this later, but let's lay down some ground rules. Numbero uno, you don't answer a question, you don't get to ask one. Number two, if you are found to be lying.um."
"You get stripped naked and dropped off in the red light district," finished Cyrax.
"Good one!" Smoke high-fived him.
Fine, number three, if you refuse to answer a question." Johnny continued.
"You have to go on a panty raid to Sonya's apartment," decided Jax.
"That is brutal," Mokap said.
"Alright, any questions?" asked Johnny. "Who's gonna start?"
"Let Fujin go, he hasn't done anything all night," suggested Nightwolf.
Fujin thought for a bit, then asked Cyrax, "What sort of 'inappropriate' male bonding went on during your training in the Lin Kuei?"
Scorpion coughed, but Cyrax ignored him and said, "There was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on."
"Bullshit!" Smoke said at once. "It was just like any fraternity house."
"Where the hell did you live? We all went to sleep in out own beds," Cyrax sounded indignant.
"You remember the time you fell asleep first and Torch colored your dick with a permanent marker?" Smoke asked Sub-Zero.
"How could I forget, it was like that for a week?" Sub-Zero smiled wryly.
Cyrax looked as horrified as was possible for a cyborg and quickly tried to change the topic. "So Jax, have you and Sonya ever hooked up?"
"We did once, but we were both very drunk," Jax admitted.
"I knew it!" announced Johnny.
"Alright, smart ass, why do your movies suck so hard?" Jax asked.
"They don't suck!"
"Yes they do!" was the unanimous reply.
"And you haven't answered the question," added Jax.
"I can't answer that!" Johnny protested.
"That's too bad, because one of the girls is sure to catch you at Sonya's apartment," Mokap pointed out.
"You are so next," Johnny warned him. "Fine, my movies suck because they - uh-"
"Have you in them?" offered Cyrax.
"Because they're self-serving pieces of crap written solely to make a profit without regard to style or originality?" Mokap added.
"Actually, I was going to say 'because the motion capture sucks'," Johnny retorted. "So why haven't you starred in any movies?"
"Because I respect my integrity as an actor," Mokap said smartly. "And because I don't have the looks for it."
"Neither does Fly Boy," Jax assumed him, ignoring Johnny flipping the bird.
"Kenshi, have you ever used the whole blind thing to gain sympathy from women?" Mokap wanted to know.
"Wouldn't you?" answered Kenshi. "Its also useful for accidentally groping women."
"That's horrible," Stryker said. "I've got to try that."
"So Bo, what's the worst refusal a woman has ever given you?"
"Hmmmmm.. Probably, 'I wouldn't sleep with you if my choice was that or having my eyes carved out with a rusty spoon," Bo' Rai Cho said. "I've gotten a few gems over the years."
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Smoke stage whispered.
"Really, and when was the last time you slept with a woman?"
"Shit, it had to be before the third tournament. About ten years ago, I think."
"Ten years," Stryker looked dumbfounded. "And I thought I had it bad."
"Speaking of you, what the hell happened to you in the third tournament?" Smoke asked.
"Motaru," was the simple reply.
"Motaru? You had a nightstick, a gun, and impact grenades!" Kung Lao
exclaimed.
"And Motaru had an armor plated stomach, which I found out the hard way. He tail whipped me into the path of an incoming subway train. Frankly, I'm not sure how or why I survived that," Stryker looked thoughtful. "Then again, people in this tournament rarely die and stay dead."
Sonya and I have a running bet on how long it will take Liu to be resurrected," Jax told him.
"That's horrible!" protested Kung Lao.
"Can I join?" Bo' Rai Cho asked.
"Anyway.. Sub-Zero, how do you keep lil' Subbie from making an appearance when you wear those tights?" Stryker asked.
"Why are you so interested in his dick?" Johnny asked.
"I have enough trouble camouflaging when I'm wearing pants, I was just curious what you would do with something tighter. All the other ninjas have those little skirts, but Sub-Zero didn't," Stryker tried to explain.
"They're sashes, not skirts," said Smoke.
"You don't have to be ashamed, transvestites are accepted by most of society now," Sub Zero chided Smoke. "And to answer your question, I have a Prince Albert." There was complete silence as the group stared at him with a mix of horrified and confused faces.
"I give up," Kung Lao said, "What's a Prince Albert?"
"Well, they take a ring and insert it into your- " he was interrupted by the most of the room groaning and looking at him like he'd gone completely mad.
"Let me guess, you hook your piercing into something in your tights," Kung Lao said.
"Bingo."
"I'd walk around with it hanging completely out of my pants before I'd let someone get near me with a needle," Mokap declared.
"Hey, 'chicks dig it' as they say," Sub-Zero told him.
"Does Frost?" inquired Scorpion.
"Will you just let that go?" Sub-Zero was exasperated. "Fine, How did you die?"
"You know damn well how I died!" Scorpion argued.
"Tell them," Sub-Zero indicated the rest of the group.
"Fine, I was killed by Sub-Zero. Not this one though."
"It took him three attempts to get revenge, and it turns out Quan Chi was using him all along," Sub-Zero added.
"Shut up!" growled Scorpion. "Kung Lao, what's with the hat?"
"What do you mean? You've seen me use it in a fight?" the monk was confused again.
"But why a hat?"
"Because I like hats. And I particularly like this one," he clutched his hat protectively.
"That's just freakin' weird, just to let you know," Stryker informed him.
"Who's left?" asked Johnny.
"Nightwolf and Fujin," Smoke answered.
Kung Lao shrugged, "I don't' have anything interesting to ask."
"Ooooh, I do!" Kenshi said. "What's the meanest thing you've ever done to a mortal, Fujin?"
"I don't know. Raiden's the one who spends the most time down here. I guess it would have to be sucking a few truly obnoxious ones into a tornado. I let them go about one mile up," Fujin smirked slightly.
"I thought you'd be more creative that that," said Kenshi.
Everyone looked at Nightwolf, who calmly stared back at them. "Go ahead and say it," he urged them. "I'm boring."
"Yes, you are," Jax agreed.
"Well shit, now what do we do?" Johnny asked.
"Where's Raiden? Maybe we can call it a night," suggested Nightwolf.
"We can go have that panty raid!" Cyrax said.
Smoke was completely against the idea. "I'd rather not have one of the girls lodge my testicles in my anus, than you."
"I'm too tired to do anything," whined Stryker. "My shift starts in two hours, and I'm going to be so hung-over."
"Morning exercises are going to suck today," moaned Sub-Zero.
"Everything is going to suck today," Jax corrected.
"You know, we should really do this again some other time," said Kung Lao.
"So long as it's not in my apartment," agreed Johnny.
"There's plenty of room in the Lin Kuei headquarters," Sub-Zero offered. "And plenty of novices to make clean up the mess."
"Sounds good to me," Kenshi spoke from the floor, "As long as you promise to keep the temperature of freezing."
"You do realize the location of Headquarters is supposed to be secret," Smoke teased.
"Its not like I'm throwing an open house kegger," Sub-Zero argued. "As long as Scorpion promises not to blow the peace up, we're good."
***
Johnny wasn't sure how the conversation ended because it was right about then that he passed out. It was three in the afternoon when he awoke to fine "Loser" written on his forehead (Jax's doing), the toilet cling wrapped, all his boxers in the freezer, and candy-coated chocolates mashed into his formerly brand new couch. To top it all off, Raiden was helping himself to the last of the coffee in the coffee maker.
"Did you boys have fun last night?" Raiden asked.
"Depends on your definition of fun."
"At least no one died," Raiden looked quite relieved at that thought.
"My couch did."
"You mortals and your obsession with worldly passions," Raiden shook his head dramatically.
"I'd better be reimbursed for that, Sparky."
"Of course, but call me Sparky again and your couch won't be the only thing that needs replacing."