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[Dee's Neighbourhood]
Dee's neighbourhood almost bordered on the ghetto. As Ryo cautiously stepped through the dirtier ranks of New York, he wondered as to why Dee would live in such an area. As a cop, he knew he could afford a place in as nice a neighbourhood as his, so it was just confusing.
//Why should it matter to us if they don't approve//
But it didn't matter. He knew he travel through much worse to get to Dee, especially when the situation was as dire as it was. He just didn't want to think about the possible outcomes - why Dee was really having him over.
Maybe he's going to tell me to stop staring at him like I have been - I can only guess at what I must look like. So yearning and despairing, like a lost soul who can see his salvation within one tempting step. Or maybe he'll say that he's changed his mind, and say he really wasn't in love but in intense lust?
Or maybe...and this was the invariable hope Ryo latched onto.... Maybe he wants to explain what happened, why he left so furiously, and say...he still loves me and will never leave me again...
Wrapping his coat around himself from a shivering that came from within, he looked up to see that he was two houses away from Dee's apartment and he summoned his strength.
Give me strength, Kami-Sama, Ryo said in a short mantra as he climbed up the stairs to Dee's building.
Once inside, he searched out Dee's name and pressed the buzzer for entrance.
Dee's deep voice surprised him and he jumped a bit, cursing his own agitation.
"Hello?"
"Dee, It's Ryo."
Ryo heard a slight pause and wondered for a split second if Dee would send him away when he heard Dee quickly say, "Come on up." followed by a buzzing sound.
The elevator took a long time, though it seemed a wonder that the rickety contraption could function at all.
Once inside, Ryo punched the three and waited, urging his mind to go blank so as to not allow any more off the mind-numbing tension already surging through his body to escalate.
The doors shuddered and slid slowly open and Ryo stepped out, thankful that he hadn't been trapped inside.
That would've started off the evening beautifully.
Choosing to turn right in the small hallway, he found Dee's apartment and stood outside the door, nerve addled and wary.
His hand however seemed more eager than his mind for it reached out on knocked on the door before Ryo realized what it was doing.
//We should just take our chances while we've got nothing to lose Baby//
A blink of light from the peephole appeared almost immediately and the door swung open and then there was Dee, hair in its customary disarray and green eyes enigmatic as they peered back at Ryo.
Ryo just looked back, feeling an odd inexplicable sense of deja-vu of Dee looking the exact same way to him once before but couldn't quite recollect when or where.
Trying to remember as to when Dee had looked so incredible to him as he did in this moment, Dee gestured to come inside.
Taking in his surroundings as he steeped into the small apartment, he heard Dee murmur behind him, "Welcome to my humble little shack."
Turning to face him, Ryo gave Dee a tentative smile. "I've been here before, Dee." he replied, eyes tracking Dee as he picked up a lit cigarette sitting in an ashtray on low coffee table. Plopping himself down, Dee sat on the floor, his back propped against the couch as he waved his hand at Ryo to sit.
Regarding his former partner as he blew out a white puff of smoke, Dee replied indifferently with a casual, "You were here once. More than a year ago. I'm amazed you remembered at all."
"I didn't know it had been that long." Ryo responded as he settling himself on the ground next to Dee, feeling a growingly familiar pang resonating in his chest when Dee seemed to shift away from him. He had never known Dee to be this distant to him. How could he get things back to the way they were when things were so bad between them now?
"Time seems to pass by without you noticing, Ryo."
Not knowing how to respond, he murmured a quiet "Ah." while looking at the floorboards across the room.
//There's no need for living in the past//
A creeping silence invaded the room for a minute, tense and inhibiting. Hands tightening into fists, Ryo didn't know what to do. Dee seemed so daunting right now. Didn't he want to fix things?
Swallowing, Ryo gathered up his courage to say something he hoped would be relevant when Dee heaved a big sigh next to him, drawing his eye. Running a hair through dark locks, Dee looked blankly ahead as Ryo studied his profile.
"Ryo." Dee said shortly.
"Yes?"
"Why did you come here tonight?"
"You invited me, Dee." Ryo answered after a startled second.
A finger dipped into the ashes of a long dead cigarette. Drawing in the grey grain, Dee made a derogatory sound. "You said we needed to talk. You're not talking about whatever the hell you want to talk about so I can't talk back. I invited you so you could talk. So talk."
Ryo felt a stir of annoyance in him and his lips pressed together as he focused his gaze on the evocative man in front of him. His irritation gave him courage. "Ok, I'll talk. Why did you leave that last time? I don't understand how you could have just left when were talking about such important things. We need to clear things up!"
Jade eyes snapped to hazel ones in anger.
"What isn't clear? That was the most clear we have ever been to one another!" Hands started gesturing and grey bits of ash leapt into the air.
Dee's quick temper began to grow as he continued to speak, feelings long unsaid coming to the forefront. "I chase you and I chase you, hoping and waiting that some day - maybe! - you would return a little grain, a speck of my feelings." Dee's face loomed in front of Ryo's shaken visage. It hadn't taken much to get Dee to open up but he could never stay silent when he felt he was being wrongly accused of something.
Ryo began moving backward but Dee kept coming, not letting his chance for an emotional purging to escape. Dee wanted to make sure Ryo knew what it was like being on his side of the pursuit. Ryo had to know what it was really like for him because his onetime partner, the source of all his woes and fleeting glimpses of bliss, had no idea whatsoever.
//Now I've found good lovin' gonna make it last//
"You can't guess what it's like, can you, Ryo? To want someone so bad to want you back, to give a damn - to love me!!" A hand fisted in Ryo's collar as his back bump up against the back wall. Gasping as he was pulled to face Dee eye-to-eye, he trembled at the depths brimming within them. How had he missed all this??
"You said you loved me...but you don't. Time doesn't move for you because you're already happy. You don't need me or want me because you have a family. You're loved...and I love you. Too much...I made you my everything and now I'm trapped in my love for you." Losing steam at a frightening speed, Dee's fingers slackened and climbed to caress Ryo's face. Touching his forehead to Ryo's, he closed his eyes with a shuddering breath.
Tears streamed from Ryo's open eyes as guilt encased his heart. His hands were clinging to Dee's shirtsleeves, knuckles white with frustration.
So much had been hidden; so much had been building in his partner for these last two years...why didn't I know?
They stayed that way for a long time. Minutes or hours ticked passed without notice.
The brief shrieking of car alarm outdoors broke the melancholy haze and Dee began to pull back but Ryo wouldn't let him go.
"Ryo, let go."
"No."
"Ryo."
"I never will, Dee." Red eyes peered up into another set of red eyes. Ryo swallowed and pressed a hand against Dee's damp cheek lightly.
"Please believe me. I love you." Grabbing Dee's head when Dee began to shake his head at Ryo's words, he willed the green-eyed man to trust in him. "I do." he said fervently and pulled Dee's head down for a kiss.
//I tell the others 'Don't bother me//
God. So long...it felt so long since he had last tasted Dee's lips. The texture alone caused a gluttonous sound to escape from him. Winding his arms around Dee's back, he was kissed back voraciously. Sweet...tantalizing...consuming...
Dee's sinuous tongue reamed through his lips, pausing to coyly slide itself across the sensitive roof of Ryo's mouth. His body temperature spiked up ten degrees when he felt Ryo taking over by sucking on his tongue, his greedy fingers trying to press them even closer together. He could feel Ryo's hands everywhere on his body, palms pressing and learning his body. His eyes shot open when he felt them wandering past his belt buckle and beyond.
The concept of breathing soon became a foreign thing as sensations took over. Melting backward onto the ground, Dee was hazily aware of Ryo's flushed face above him.
So beautiful. My Ryo is so beautiful. Pink cheeks, pink tongue, pink lips...red eyes...red eyes...red eyes.
Red eyes.
From tears.
Because Ryo feels bad.
He was crying.
For him.
Because Ryo...doesn't love him.
"STOP!"
//' Cause when they look at you they don't see what I see//
Dee sat up quickly and shoved Ryo away violently, causing the other man to almost hit the wall.
"Dee!!" Ryo cried.
"Shut up!!" Dee shouted back at him, covering his face as he tried to gain back his composure.
Ryo stared at Dee's back, tight with strain, in astonishment. Hesitant, he waited and tried to ignore his angry erection without success.
He wanted Dee. He wanted to show Dee that he wasn't alone. He wanted to give him proof that he was loved.
"Could you go home now, Ryo?"
Go home?
"No. No way."
//No I don't listen to their wasted lines//
A heavy sigh dropped Dee's shoulders down into a slumped position. Ryo watched as Dee wearily stood up and watched him carefully as he turned to face him. He looked sad and so very tired.
"Aren't you satisfied yet, Ryo? We talked, we vented, and we kissed and made up. Now we can go on with our lives, can't we?"
Slowly standing, Ryo shook his head. "I'm not satisfied. You stopped me before I could."
A derisive scoff answered him. "I'm not talking about -"
"Neither am I." Ryo interrupted boldly, still riding on waves of assertiveness from their near love making.
"You're stopping me now. You're pulling away from me. You won't let me -"
"What?" Dee retaliated, cutting Ryo off. "You don't like being stopped? Having to shut down when all you can think about is 'I want to show him how I feel'?"
He grabs a cigarette from the carton of the coffee table and lights it. Taking a deep draw, the cigarette somehow magically restores some of Dee's bearings. Exhaling, Dee looks at Ryo and calmly murmurs "You don't have to concern yourself with that anymore."
//Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs//
"Dee-"
"Please go now. I'd like to be by myself and we have to wake up early for work tomorrow."
Ryo looked at the clock on the VCR under Dee's small TV and saw that it was well past midnight. Bikky and Cal would be worried about him.
"Bikky and Cal must be worried by now."
Ryo looked at Dee in bewilderment and Dee laughed.
"Your eyes give you away, Ryo." Dee said with what sounded like affection in his voice. It gave Ryo hope for a split second and he took a step towards the dark-haired man when a sharp "Don't." halted him.
A wave of helplessness enveloped him. He didn't want to leave Dee - not like this. Nothing had been fixed.
"Alright. Time to go. Way past time to tuck the kids in, Ryo." Dee pressed, urging him to leave. Another cigarette was butted out of existence and Dee was pushing him toward the door.
"Bye bye. Thanks for the visit. See ya tomorrow-" Dee rambled as he tried to practically threw Ryo out the door but Ryo wasn't budging.
// 'Cause they don't know 'bout us//
"Dee? Dee, listen to me and I'll go, alright?"
A huff was followed by a muttered, "Fine."
Dee leaned against the doorjamb, one leg bent at the knee, looking deceptively collected. Leaning against the doorjamb, Ryo mirrored Dee's confident and relaxed pose, knees brushing against each other with intent. He would say his peace and go.
"I just want you to know that I'm not giving up on you. I'm going to bug you and bother you, kiss you and hug you until you believe that I want to be with you. I want you to understand that I do want you and need you. I need you to be happy."
His smooth tone contradicted the seriousness of his words and how profoundly he felt them.
"I'll prove myself to you."
Ryo moved towards Dee and gave him a brief but warm kiss, rich with promise.
"I love you," Ryo whispered against Dee's parted lips. "And I'll never let you doubt it again." He murmured a soft "Oyasumi." with a farewell smile full of devotion.
Ryo could feel the weight of Dee's eyes linger on him as he walked down the hall and knew a sense of hope he had all but forgotten over the last few weeks.
This was not over. They were meant to be together.
I promise you, Dee.
I promise...
This will be the last time we will ever be apart.
//And they've never heard of love//
To be continued...