Chapter 9 – Introspection
Author: Rikka
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; I'm just playing with them for a short while. I'll give them back, with a knowing smile on their faces, once I've finished with them.
A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews! As always, it is my 1st attempt at fanfic. Please let me know what you think!
Severus Snape noticed the empty work bench as he walked out of the dungeons towards Dumbledore's office and felt a pang of regret. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he missed the girl. Young woman, he silently corrected himself. It wasn't that he hadn't seen her in such a very long time; it was more that he missed her because somewhere on that y-chromosome of his, he knew that he was in trouble the next time he saw her. Why should I be worried? It is she who was so careless leaving her things laying about for anyone to find. Then again, I didn't ward the classroom. Gods, who would have remembered to do anything after seeing her naked…
He was past the point of feeling resentful for Hermione's invasion into his life. He had never been a touchy-feely, hug-giving, let's-share-our-feelings kind of guy, and as much as he tried to tell himself that was how he liked it, there was a part of him that really yearned for something as simple as basic intimacy. Not even sex, though the sex was magnificent, but just the comfortable silences he shared with Hermione while they worked along side one another; the way she would sometimes jump ahead in a train of thought he was having (and as much as he would scold her and remind her what a know-it-all she was, that had to be one of her most fantastic qualities), and of course, the fact that she was a hot tart in bed helped a bit, too.
Normally, he stayed safe from ever getting too...involved...with a student. He did this as simply as possible; he refused to think of them as anything other than students. He may have the occasional fantasy about them (the man is human) but always, with their Hogwarts robes on, always on the grounds of Hogwarts, and they always called him "Professor." Hermione had gotten through his finely-honed defense mechanism by breaking out of his preconceived notions of what students were, and how they behaved around him. He had done research projects with students before, but they generally could never get over their initial, throw-back to first-year fear of him. Hermione hadn't been scared of him since some time halfway through fifth year, and as frustrating as that was when she didn't seem to mind his threats, scowls, and temper tantrums in class, it was a gift to him when they were working side by side in his lab. Never before had a student met him on such an equal playing field. So slowly, in his head, she began to switch from "student" to "lab partner." And after that, as much as he tried to ignore it, she went from "lab partner" to "young woman," at which point he knew he was doomed.
When he tried to think back to her first year, all he could remember was a bushy-haired girl who insisted on raising her hand for every question. It was easy for him to dissociate that Hermione with the one he knew now; she had finally tamed both the hair and the habit of answering every question. He could even compartmentalize the Hermione he saw in class from the one he worked with in lab, but he couldn't separate the one in his bed from the one who he shared so many quality hours debating, talking, and experimenting with. Maybe it was because that was how he had gotten to know her, but to separate further would be...crude?
He wondered how she saw him, though. Was this a silly school girl crush on a professor? Or did she actually see something in him? He had thought she might, but self-doubting was one of Severus's favorite pastimes. It was almost pathetic how he attempted to distance himself so from everyone around him yet jumped like a little lost puppy whenever Dumbledore snapped his fingers; when would he erase the guilt and feel free to finally live his life? How smart is it to be dragging Hermione into your life? Suddenly he felt very guilty. It wasn't fair of him to allow her to get attached, was it? What if one of these days Voldemort got bored with watching him squirm? Where would she be then? No, I'm going to be selfish for once in this Godsforsaken life.
He decided that he would figure things out as they came along. Suddenly he realized he was almost at Dumbledore's office, so he tried to shake random thoughts from his head. Sometimes I think that man is psychic.
The gargoyle moved away for him after he snapped the password (cherry sno-cone, honestly, does he do this to drive me crazy?) and he stomped the stairs to Dumbledore's office. Good Gods, he is the epitome of wizard packrat behavior.
"Ah, Severus, thank you for coming here so soon. It seems we have something that needs to be dealt with that young Mr. Malfoy here has brought to my attention," Dumbledore said, indicating Severus take a seat. For a moment he felt his stomach flip-flop, but he quickly pushed the sensation out of his body and sat, clasping his hands in his lap.
"Draco, why don't you tell Professor Snape what you told me," Dumbledore said, holding out a candy dish for both of his guests. After briefly shaking his head, Draco began to tell his story.