It has begun to snow again. The lake is glittering - a huge part of it has turned to ice already, but although it is appallingly cold there are still some birds sitting near (and on top) of the huge Christmas tree, which has been placed on a small platform in the middle of the lake. I watch them and get lost in thoughts again. There are not many people around now, so no one minds me standing at the balustrade that surrounds the lake all by myself, staring into the dark, shimmering water.
"Severus!" I can hear a voice. A small voice, as if from a huge distance - another time, perhaps. I don't turn.
"Yes," I mutter, "I am here."
"Severus," the voice says again, "you have failed me."
"But how, Headmaster?" I answer as calmly as possible. "What could I have done? Surely you know that I have tried everything I could to save her?" Dumbledore doesn't reply. He bends over the balustrade next to me and stares into the water as well.
"You have failed me," he repeats after some time. "You were ready to give me away!"
I stare at him. "But not... only for a second - I'd never have... I didn't, after all!"
He sighs. Looks older than ever. "Minerva is dead."
I nod. "I couldn't... He killed her although I had agreed to... You know the Dark Lord, Headmaster, you know exactly what he is like!" He remains silent once more. I want to grab his shoulder - make him understand, but I dare not.
"I am very disappointed," he says. I stare at him.
"What do you mean?"
"You have ruined everything," he replies. "You are responsible for the destruction of our world!"
"No, I am not!" I reply furiously and raise from the balustrade. "He is! You said so yourself. More than once!"
"You are the one to blame," he repeats with a sad voice. "We could have succeeded if it hadn't been for you."
"No!" I grab his arm. Want to look into his eyes, but he disapparates. Vanishes before my very eyes so that I do not even get the chance to defend myself.
I grip the balustrade. Breathe heavily. Can this be true? Can all this be happening? Couldn't it just be a dream, meaning I'd wake in a few minutes time? Isn't it possible that I am still at Hogwarts, in the middle of a nerve-racking term being the reason for this nightmare?
I open my eyes again. Can see more clearly now. I must move again. This horrible cold seems to affect my mind already. If I am lucky, there is some hot tea left at the stands of the Christmas market. Just like yesterday. And the day before. That'll prevent my death for a while. But where can I go? I will definitely not survive another twenty-four hours outside. The air is not cold but frosty. This is most probably the year's coldest night. So what can I do?
I become aware of a pair of girls. They are standing at the opposite side of the street and give me most funny looks. They talk and every now and then they giggle. Are they making fun of me? Both are wearing coats. The taller one's is green, the other one's black. They have gloves, and most of all: they are wearing scarves. Green scarves, very similar to the ones belonging to the Slytherin school robes, only that they look a lot warmer and more comfortable, which is why I instinctively allow myself to gaze at them a little bit longer than would have been appropriate in this situation.
The girls look back. They have noticed my look. I cannot take my eyes off them. Why do they have woollen scarves and I have not? I clutch my fists. They feel as numb as ever. After a few minutes the girls make up their minds. They cross the street, heading exactly towards the place where I stand. I have to leave! But I cannot. My feet have eventually grown so stiff it seems impossible that I will be able to move them again before summer. I am stuck. The girls approach.
Suddenly I realise that they are not walking towards me. Thank Merlin. They stop a couple of inches away from me in front of a huge poster showing two towers in a shadowy environment. "Der Herr der Ringe" it says, and I try to remember if this sounds familiar in any way. It does not. I frown.
"What a shame they have taken them off," one of the girls (the green one) says. "This one's boring." The black cloaked one nods.
"Though the German one wasn't really good either. Anyway, you know what I think. They should have spent their time on posters of a certain person rather than on boring Daniel, Rupert and Emma, if you know what I mean." The first one nods and they giggle. I haven't got a clue what they are talking about. Both are Germans, obviously. But they talk English, which cheers me up a bit, though I am most curious what they do it for. But there seems to be some justice in the world, after all. I can ask them if they know a place where I could spend the night.
"Wouldn't it be nice," the smaller girl now says before I can make up my mind to approach them, "to meet him in person? I mean - have you ever been more curious about someone than about Snape?"
I stop dead. Don't know if I have heard the last sentence correctly. The other girl sighs and giggles.
"Never," she replies. "But I think I'd die if he stood right in front of me." She catches my eye and I look away quickly. They giggle again.
"Let's go home," I hear. "It's getting cold out here, isn't it?" I raise my head, but they have turned already and walk towards the tube station.
I want to shout after them: "Here I am!" But of course, they cannot have been talking about me. We have never met.
"You sure you are not losing you mind, Severus?" a voice behind me says. "You don't look too good." It is him. I turn.
"Master..." An automatic reaction. I hate myself for this.
"I can understand this is a very difficult situation for you, Severus," he says winningly. "You have been associating with Albus Dumbledore's for far too long. You do not know what's good for you anymore." I have heard this before.
"Will you let me return?" I mutter, "I've been waiting for nothing but your call ever since."
"All you have to do is to give away your so-called friend Dumbledore's whereabouts," he replies softly. "That's all I've ever wanted. And it might be just enough to make me give you a second chance." I hold my breath. He knows. That's why he kept me alive. He is playing with me. I will not be able fool him.
"You know." I state quietly. I feel there's no need for secrecy anymore.
"I do indeed," he replies. "Why did you think you are still alive? Thought I wanted to chat about the good old times, did you?"
I do some very quick thinking.
"You have devoted your life to me," he hisses. "Long before you made friends with that Muggle-loving fool who cannot even take responsibility for his own actions but has to pass it on to you."
"B-but."
"You owe me something, Severus!" His voice takes a menacing tone. I take a step backwards.
"No! I am indebted to no one! And I will NOT betray Professor Dumbledore!" With an almost casual movement he takes out his wand.
"Do I really have to make you?"
"You won't be able to!"
"You know the procedure, Severus. You tend to lose this kind of foolish self-confidence after the first five minutes of pain." He smiles and I take another step back.
"You're brave against an unarmed man," I say, fully aware that my voice gives away my fear.
"I tend to use whatever means necessary to achieve my ends, Severus," he replies and points his wand at me. "Crucio!"The illusion vanishes. I stumble. Fall into the muddy snow. A memory. Another one. I just relived the day of my capture. For a couple of minutes I just stay where I am. Lying in the snow, panting. Someone kicks me.
"Ey, bistew toht?" I raise slowly. My face is covered with mud and I am all soggy. But that doesn't matter now.
"Sorry," I mutter and vanish behind a corner. I have difficulty walking. What time is it? Feels like it is past midnight again. A church clock strikes eleven times. I return to the Christmas market.