Guess who's got Samurai Night Fever?
DJ: Jack, is in the houuuuuuuse!
Featuring all new episodes of Samurai Jack!
Otto/Larry/Tuddrussel: Stinky pile of poo?!
Make history with all-new episodes of Time Squad in Cartoon Cartoon Fridays!
Larry/Tuddrussel: It's go time!
Yogi/Booboo: Surprise!
Check your fur factor in the Yogi Bear Month in Cartoon Theater.
And Mojo Jojo finally gets the V.I.P. (Very Infamous Primate) treatment as Character of the Month!
Mojo Jojo: Are you talking to me?
This June, on Cartoon Netw-
*BZZT*
Umbreon: Get out from there, Hoagie. Show's on.
Numbuh 2: You know, you Asians are really slow.
Umbreon: I don't want to talk about it.
Chapter 7: When KND Attacks (Part II)
H.O.A.G.I.E. -- Hyperominousity Of Advertisements Gradually Increased thru' Exposure
The Team Eeveeon A.R.C.H.I.V.E. (A Regally Computerised Holder of Information, Very Efficient), Individual Division
Subject Identity: Jessie A
Other known Identities: Rabbit, Numbuh 6
Nationality:Mexican
Appearance: Fourteen year old, short black hair, brown eyes, skinny figure
Known favourites: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Eminem, Numbuh 2
Known hates: The Hoe Squad, The Delightful Children from Down The Lane
Known likes/interests: Writing, drawing, playing Vice City
Known non-interests: Being in anger management and boot camp
Known strengths/weapons: Cannon Blaster, staff, baseball bat, werewolf powers
Known weaknesses: Music (especially Eminem), Stone Cold Steve Austin, Vice City, watching Crank Yankers, strawberries
Any other useful information: Really likes Numbuh 2. A student at Hogwarts school of wizardry with the occasional evil tendency.
Subject Identity: Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr.
Other known Identities: Numbuh 2
Appearance: Rotund figure, wears pilot cap and uniform
Nationality: American
Known interests: Eating, sleeping
Known non-interests: Errr... nutrition deprival?
Known strengths/weapons: Aviation and invention skills
Known weaknesses: Being an absolute doofus
Any other useful information: He's the weapon and transport inventor of the KND. And no one, not even Numbuh 4 can beat him when it comes to going, or rather, rolling down the stairs.
Umbreon: We've cleared the information for the audience, and now lets zoom in on our contestants -- where the hell are they?!
Umbreon frantically scans the monitors, but as yet Numbuh 2 and Jessie are nowhere to be found.
Umbreon: Alright, team, you know what to do -- activate the P.I.R.O.L.A.S.A. (Positron Infra-Red Optical Locators Aiding Stray Applicants)!
Several wibbles, wurps and phazaps later...
Espeon: We've found them, Umbreon. According to their bearings they're in Sector 21, Floor 3.
Jolteon: Isn't that where the MegaMedia Chamber is?
Espeon: Dimwit, Sector 21 Floor 3 IS the MegaMedia Chamber.
Umbreon: Has the security been alerted?
Vaporeon limply points to a screen showing Harry the Hariyama, Marco the Machamp, Prima the Primeape and Madison the Medicham pounding furiously on the door.
Flareon: That doofus Numbuh 2 must have closed the password-protected door.
Umbreon: What hell? Oh no. This could get messy.
The Book of Relationships says we always hurt the ones we love.
That the biggest fights are always between the closest of pals,
And that true friendship will always save the day...
BUT NOT TOM AND JERRY!
They say ANY argument can be settled with one big --
Tom: AUUUUUUUUUGH!
Sometimes your nearest and dearest just deserves one good slap!
Jerry: That dirty, double-crossing, good-for-nothing...
Tom and Jerry, keeping it real, weekdays on Cartoon Network.
Numbuh 2 gazes in awe at the number of big television screens around him.
Numbuh 2: No time for slacking, gotta find Jessie -- but I'll finish this commercial first.
Flareon: What the heck do you mean, messy? They're our contestants inside, you know.
Umbreon: I know, I know, I know. The thing is, the radiation from the MegaMedia Chamber could be lethal to their foreign minds...
Vaporeon: What do you mean? We usually spend hours in that place and nothing happens to us.
Umbreon: That's because we're used to our cable access' frequency, idiot. Since Numbuh 2 and Jessie A, as of today, are the first ever foreigners to enter the MegaMedia Chamber, there could be lethal effects if their minds are overexposed to the radiation.
Jolteon: So? We'll just bash in the door and get them out.
Umbreon: Hello, is this thing even on? The door is password protected, and if our security can't smash it the door I doubt anyone else can.
Vaporeon: Which means we'll need to password, which only... you know.
Umbreon: Exactly.
Espeon: Oh, god, please don't let him tell us that--
Umbreon: I can't remember the password.
As Team Eeveeon ponder over their dilemma, Jessie A herself is being distracted by another screen...
Wanted: Have you seen this chimpanzee?
Mojo Jojo: Me? Hah!
Mojo Jojo -- Monkey of mass destruction.
Mojo Jojo: Who's bad? Who's bad?
Also a notorious international doodoo-brain!
Mojo Jojo: Doodoo-brain?!
He has been exposed to the power of Chemical X!
Mojo Jojo: Ooooh, that is a misconception!
A biological weapon...
Mojo Jojo: Look at this egg! And this French bread is too hard!
Also, he has an unquenchable thirst for a lovely hot shower every morning, followed by a fully nutritious breakfast!
Mojo Jojo: That's it! I've had it with your sassy mouth!
Most wanted, Mojo Jojo -- our Character of the Month in June! Sunday, on Cartoon Network.
Numbuh 2: YAAAAAAAAA!!!
Jessie A: What the -- ARGH!
Jessie A: looks up to find Numbuh 2 trying to give her a Body Slam.
Jessie A: Someone's been watching Snorlax documentaries... Cannon Blaster attack!
Numbuh 2: Eep.
A shattering of glass is heard as Numbuh 2 crashes into a nearby television.
Umbreon: It's a good thing I'm not making them pay for this. Pass the Memory Booster; I'm gonna try to remember that damned password if it's the last thing I do.
Jolteon: Geesh. And how strong is that blasted door anyway?
Umbreon: Against every single type of attack, weapon, energy blast that I knew before June 1st.
Vaporeon: Then you'd better remember that password, and quick.
*Chinese accent begins here*
This week, on Samurai Jack!
There is a new champion fighting in the underground arenas!
Chicken Jack: BAWK?!
A chicken with great skills and strength!
A chicken called -- JACK!
What evil forces have turned our samurai into a gladiator chicken, and how will he turn back?
It's Chicken Jack on Samurai Jack! Sunday on Cartoon Network!
*Chinese accent ends here*
"Ooooo..." Numbuh 2 rubs his sore head to find that Jessie A has gone. "Lucky thing Numbuh 1 slipped me these," he mutters as he brings out several weapons from his pocket.
"Hm, the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R., the B.U.B.B.L.E. (See Chapter 1: Regi, Rayquaza and the R.R.I.D.M.), the S.C.A.M.P.P.... which to use?"
After some thought, Numbuh 2 picks up the weapons, holding the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. and S.C.A.M.P.P. in his hands and the B.U.B.B.L.E. in his teeth.
"Essie A, ere I come!"
As Numbuh 2 walks off Jessie A peers from behind another television set and heaves a sigh of relief. She sits down in front of the television set to see that "Whatever Happened to Robot Jones" is on.
Umbreon: Nope. Negative.
Flareon: Dagnabbit, we're never gonna rescue them now. Isn't there any other way we can smash that door?
Umbreon: If Voldemort (screams from the audience: "Don't say that name!!!") couldn't Apparate inside the chamber, d'you think there is?
Vaporeon: Couldn't you enlist the help of ANY other cartoon character?
Espeon: Like there's a cartoon that's been created after June 1st?!
Umbreon: Wait a minute. I think we're on to something.
Back in the MegaMedia Chamber...
Numbuh 2: Ands up Essie A! Ah ot oo ur-oun-ed!
Jessie A: What? Aw, shoot.
Numbuh 2 quickly grabs the B.U.B.B.L.E. from his mouth and begins firing the multi-flavoured bubble gum. Jessie A swiftly obtains her portable baseball bat, but unlike Grandma Stuffum's garlic-flavoured meatballs, the bubble gum is NOT hard as stone, and sticks all over Jessie A and her baseball bat. Frantically Jessie A tries to use her Cannon Blaster attack, but her hands are gummed together.
This week on Premiere Premiere:
Earl of Sandwich: Two parts bread, one part meat...
A culinary masterpiece...
Earl of Sandwich: Prepare to witness GREATNESS!!!
FRABOOM!
... turns DISASTERpiece!
Earl of Sandwich: Too crispy.
Next, strike a pose with Cleopatra...
Tuddrussel: Boy, you sure are pretty.
And SHOP like an Egyptian!
Cleopatra: Let's go shopping!
Crowd: *cheers*
Cleopatra: Sorry, royalty only.
Crowd: Aw...
In Cartoon Cartoon Fridays. Only on Cartoon Network.
A group of six stands in front of the metallic door guarding the MegaMedia Chamber. Five of them are Team Eeveeon; the sixth figure is a teenage girl with her pink hair gelled up into two Felix-style ears, wearing a purple suit with matching platform shoes.
Umbreon: Guys, I'd like you to meet Jinx.
Jolteon: Jill? I thought she was in the T.A.K.E.O.F.F. control room handling the machinery.
Umbreon: Not Jynx, you fool, JINX!
Vaporeon: And which cartoon did you come from?
Jinx: Teen Titans. I'm supposed to be one of the villains. We can be found at CartoonNetwork.com.
Flareon: Lucky America. Seven months since they released Kids Next Door there, and we haven't heard a single peep here in Singapore. Now this!
Espeon: How did you remember Teen Titans anyway?
Umbreon: The show's premiering on my birthday, July 19th. Now, Jinx.
Jinx: Alright, alright. Energy Spin!
Umbreon: Back off, you guys!
As Team Eeveeon leap backwards the mysterious girl spins around, creating a sharp disk of psychic energy around her that slices the door clean in half.
Vaporeon: Yike.
Jinx: Well, my job's done. *smiles at Umbreon* Thanks, Umbreon, I must be the first "Teen Titans" character to be featured in a fic.
Jolteon: That's our Umbreon. The pioneer.
Umbreon: Aw, shaddup. Let's go in and rescue Jessie A and Numbuh 2!
"No baseball, no staff, no Cannon Blaster attack -- and definitely no moonlight." Numbuh 2 smiles as he advances towards Jessie A, while putting his foot into a pile of mango-flavoured gum.
"Wha?"
"You know," mutters Jessie A, "I really should be calling you the Kid Next Dork."
"Hold on, Jessie, Numbuh 2!" Umbreon's voice echoes throughout the chamber as he and the others barge into the part where Jessie A and Numbuh 2 have been imprisoned by bubble gum, but --
"I am so gonna get Numbuh 1 for passing you that weapon." Umbreon growls as he tries to free himself from HIS gummy prison. Suddenly...
Anger Management Person 1: Is Umbreon in?
Jessie A: Anger Management?!
Umbreon: Here!
Anger Management Person 2: Right, Umbreon. I take it that you're the one who ordered the capture of Carmen here.
The guy points to a heatproofed chamber on wheels containing a very angry Camerupt.
Umbreon: I know, Vaporeon told me.
Anger Management Person 1: Please sign here. And Hoagie, please sign here for the arrest of Jessie A.
Jessie A: What?!! Hoagie, you, you...
Numbuh 2: *smiling* It pays to know how to SMS.
Jessie A breaks into a bout of struggling and swearing as the two Management people put her into a strait jacket, lug her into another chamber and lock it tight.
Numbuh 2: Thanks, guys. Now you're at it, could you get us out of here please?
As the Anger Management truck begins to pull out of the Team Eeveeon Headquarters driveway, Jessie A is still screaming.
Jessie A: When I get my hands on that #&@!$%@ Numbuh 2 I'm gonna rip off his @*$^!$? %^#& and stuff it right up his #&^ !!!"
Team Eeveeon and Numbuh 2 sweatdrop as they cheekily wave goodbye.
Umbreon: Well, that's contestant number 2. Tune in, people, for a new chapter, not to mention a future operation and maybe even a fanfic for Teen Titans.
Vaporeon: Do you always have to be the pioneer?
Umbreon: It's easy to do that when you're a cartoon freak in the middle of a country with a population of only four million.