Hi everybody! *sigh* Another depressing Bakura songfic. This time it's to
"Points of Authority" by Linkin Park. I don't feel like doing a big intro
this time, so enjoy!
Disclaimer: How many of you people actually read this thing anyway?! Well I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or the song, but the plot line's mine, all mine, hehehehehe!
~ You love the way I look at you
While taking pleasure in the awful things you've put me through
You take away if I give in
My life, my pride is broken ~
I gazed into the mirror, counting the cuts and bruises on my pale face. Pale from fear, or was that how I always looked now? No way of telling. I cupped my hands under the running water in the sink and splashed it up onto my face. Ouch. Whatever, pain was too common to me now for me to even worry about what hurt. Looks like it's going to take a little while to figure out how to cover up all these, I thought. But I had mastered the art of concealment over the past few years, and by the time I exited the bathroom there was no way anyone would be able to tell anything ever happened. Except for that one big cut along my cheek. I'll just say I fell or something. Only Yugi would know the truth, and he knows he can't do anything about it. No one can.
I was surprised that I wasn't worse off, though. The previous night had been one of the worst so far. What did I do to make him so mad? I couldn't even remember. He always had so much fun beating me up. I could tell he took pleasure in my begging, my pleading, and that terrified look in my eyes. I always knew what was coming. All he had to do was raise his voice and I shut my eyes, waited to feel his fist meet my face.
He knows I'm breaking down. He has to. I've tried everything. Staying quiet, talking back, even trying to fight. He's just too strong for me. The way he is, it seems like he's practiced the art of pain. He knows every pressure point; it's almost unbelievable. I just can't handle it; I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh, I hate him. I hate him so much. Look at what he's done. Getting me to say that I hate someone used to be an extreme effort. Now I could say it without hesitation.
~ You like to think you're never wrong
You have to act like you're someone
You want someone to hurt like you
You want to share what you've been through
You live what you've learned ~
He thinks everything he says is right. He's nobody. Without me he wouldn't even exist! He'd still be in the Shadow Realm, sitting in that cold, suffocating darkness. He should be thankful that I'm around. I saved him from all that. And all he does is hurt me over and over again. He doesn't even care. The more I suffer, the better.
I've even gone to the length of not doing my homework, just so I can get detention and spend a few extra hours away from home. That's a few hours in which there's no way I can anger him. Yet, he always finds a reason. I just wish I knew why! There has to be some explanation for that rock hard heart of his, why he takes it all out on me! But those cold brown eyes mask everything. He's unreadable.
~ You love the things I say I'll do
The way I hurt myself again just to get back at you
You take away if I give in
My life, my pride is broken ~
He's always laughing at me! I try to be strong, but he knows I can't make good on my threats; I can't fight back, no matter how hard I try, and by the time I gather up enough courage, I'm usually hurt so badly that it just causes me more pain to struggle. He constantly tells me how weak and useless I am. I don't want to believe him. I shouldn't, but I do. He's really started to convince me that I'm as pathetic as he says I am.
He hasn't figured out yet that I'm fading. I can feel it, even if he can't. It's slow and gradual, but I can feel myself growing weaker. I'm trying hard to keep my strength up, but I'm drained. No matter how much I rest, which is never as much as I'd like, I wake up more tired than when I fell asleep. It never changes.
I've taken to being in constant pain so much lately that he's even eased up a bit. I guess it isn't fun for him anymore when I'm sobbing and begging frantically after the lightest of hits. It's just that everything always hurts so much. It's as if I have acid running through my veins. My cuts and bruises heal slower, I get out of breath so easily, my whole body aches. Everyone's worried about me, but I just brush it off and tell them that I must be coming down with something. They've bought it so far; everyone but Yugi, who tells me ever so often to let him know if it gets too much for me. Yami might be able to handle him, but I don't want to risk Yugi's health for my own. He actually has something to live for; his grandfather needs him. My dad could probably care less if I'm here or lying dead in a gutter. No, don't say that Bakura, your father loves you more than anything else in the world. He just can't be here right now. Would it do me any good if he were? He couldn't stop him, or maybe he could. But even if he couldn't, he could help me get some rest. I'm so tired, so weak and exhausted. I just need a break.
It doesn't matter. I'm going to get a permanent one soon.
~ You like to think you're never wrong
You have to act like you're someone
You want someone to hurt like you
You want to share what you've been through
You live what you've learned ~
There's something about him; something that tells me he's using my pain to hide his own. I'm not saying he's innocent. Heh, the day hell freezes over. But he's been hurt in the past, badly. I don't know if he's just emotionally unsound or mentally psychotic, maybe both, the way he seems to love the sight of blood, but he couldn't have always been that way. No, his personality was like mine, and I know he's still in there somewhere. Like I'll ever uncover that secret.
But it's almost like he doesn't know any other way to treat me except hurt me. If that's his way of showing he cares then God help my soul.
As much as I hate him, I can't help but wonder from time to time. Wonder what he suffered through to make him the way he is. I don't dare ask him, heaven's no. I'd get the beating of a lifetime for prying into his personal life. But I wish I knew what he was like before whatever it was that changed him. There were times when he'd take over, I'd sit in my soul room and wonder what I might find in his. What memories I might dig up, anything that might explain why he is like he is. Was he like me? Scared and quiet, shy, always trying to melt into the shadows wherever he was? What am I saying, he was probably born brutal.
~ Forfeit the game
Before somebody else takes you out of the frame
Put your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can't run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won't last ~
I'm giving up. I'm finally giving up. He'll either kill me or I'll die from weakness. I can't keep up anymore; everything seems to be going by five times faster than it used to.
I'm just going to stop begging, stop pleading. Maybe he'll forget about me if I stop fighting and leave me in my soul room, take permanent control. At least I could finally rest. That's all I want.
I wish it would all just go away. I'm not afraid to die, really. It's probably a lot more peaceful than my life. Anything to stop this pain and exhaustion, anything. And death really doesn't sound so bad right about now.
The only thing that stops me from slitting my wrists, from ending it all, is my father. I remember when my mother died, what he told me.
"The only thing that's keeping me going is you, my son. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too. You're all I have left, Bakura. I couldn't stand it if you ever left me."
I promised him I'd never leave; I'd never make him suffer all that pain again. But I wonder. I wonder what he would say if he knew what I was going through. All he does when he comes home is try to take care of me. He feels terribly about me being alone all the time, I can tell. I assure him that I'm all right, that I have my friends for company, but I never tell him anything about what goes on when he's not around.
No one would be able to tell him why.why I decided life was too much to handle all of a sudden. Except Yugi. Yugi could tell him. I pulled a piece of paper out of one of my notebooks and wrote a long letter to my father, ending it with the fact that I couldn't explain why, but Yugi could. That he could tell him it all. And that I was sorry for breaking my promise. I placed it in plain sight on the coffee table.
I just can't take it anymore. My father will have to understand.
~ You like to think you're never wrong
You have to act like you're someone
You want someone to hurt like you
You want to share what you've been through
You live what you've learned ~
Yugi waved brightly as I walked over to his desk. I saw his gaze shift to the cut on my cheek and he visibly shivered. "Are you ok?" His voice was a whisper; Yugi knew me all too well. That I didn't want anyone's attention, much less their pity. I shook my head and placed a letter on the polished surface of his desk. He looked at me worriedly and took it, his eyes following me as I retreated to my own seat.
I saw him open it and place the paper into his lap, reading it silently and discreetly. I saw his eyes widened, as he must have reached my simple signature at the bottom. His mouth dropped and he looked at me, his violet eyes horrified. He shook his head, whether in disbelief or telling me how wrong I was, I wasn't sure.
He suddenly directed those beautiful eyes away, trying to hide his tears from me, but it was too late. Yugi was so good-hearted; I felt terrible telling him that one of his friends had been pushed to such an extreme. He seemed to zone out a little, and I knew he was talking to Yami.
He walked over to me and dropped a slip of paper on my desk. I opened its folds slowly and read it to myself. Yugi's tears had been just enough to leave little wet dots on the loose-leaf.
BAKURA!!! DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS! YOU CAN'T! YOU JUST CAN'T! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU AT LUNCH AND WE'RE GOING TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO LIVE FOR, OK? ANYTHING! JUST LET ME TALK TO YOU, PLEASE!
Yugi was panicking. I could tell by how large and messy his usually neat handwriting was, not to mention what he was saying. It didn't matter. It was too late to change my mind. I've had enough.
But Yugi was more determined than I'd expected. I had asked, no begged, in my letter that he tell no one, and he was granting my request, but he was so incredibly worried that he was barely thinking straight. I tried to tell him that my choice had been made, but he wasn't having that. "One of my best friends is NOT going to kill himself without me at least trying to stop him! Bakura, you're sixteen! You have to have something in your life worth living for! What about your Dad? Have you thought how crushed he'll be if he loses his only son?!" Ouch. Below the belt on that one, Yugi. But I refused to let him see that he hit a weak spot. Too late. "You know, don't you? That's why you told me. So I could explain it all. Well, how about this, Bakura? I won't!" He got up from the picnic table, and even though his full height wasn't much, it made him seem more serious. "You hear me? I won't! I won't explain anything! Your father can think whatever he wants!"
Yugi stomped off, but I pulled myself up and followed him. "Oh, Yugi, you have to." "No, I don't!" Yugi spun around and I'd never seen someone so small look so menacing. "I don't HAVE to do anything, Bakura! You're my friend and I do things for you because I care about you, not because I HAVE to! And right now I'm worried about you; I personally don't like the idea of my friends killing themselves. You need my help, but you don't want it, so you know what?! I-give-up!"
"Yugi, that's my whole problem. I have no other alternative but to give up." Yugi had turned to leave but he stopped short, his body going rigid. He looked slightly over his shoulder. "You're just waiting for someone to convince you not to do it, aren't you? You don't want to do it. You want someone to call you back where you belong and set you straight." I kept my eyes down. Was he right? Was that really what I wanted? No, I convinced myself. What you want is to end it. What you want is to be out of this wretched world once and for all. I didn't answer him.
Yugi's boost was too little too late.
I looked at the blood stained carpet and wondered if all of it was mine.
~Owari~
Well, how was that? Hope you liked it! Ja Ne, my readers!
Disclaimer: How many of you people actually read this thing anyway?! Well I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or the song, but the plot line's mine, all mine, hehehehehe!
~ You love the way I look at you
While taking pleasure in the awful things you've put me through
You take away if I give in
My life, my pride is broken ~
I gazed into the mirror, counting the cuts and bruises on my pale face. Pale from fear, or was that how I always looked now? No way of telling. I cupped my hands under the running water in the sink and splashed it up onto my face. Ouch. Whatever, pain was too common to me now for me to even worry about what hurt. Looks like it's going to take a little while to figure out how to cover up all these, I thought. But I had mastered the art of concealment over the past few years, and by the time I exited the bathroom there was no way anyone would be able to tell anything ever happened. Except for that one big cut along my cheek. I'll just say I fell or something. Only Yugi would know the truth, and he knows he can't do anything about it. No one can.
I was surprised that I wasn't worse off, though. The previous night had been one of the worst so far. What did I do to make him so mad? I couldn't even remember. He always had so much fun beating me up. I could tell he took pleasure in my begging, my pleading, and that terrified look in my eyes. I always knew what was coming. All he had to do was raise his voice and I shut my eyes, waited to feel his fist meet my face.
He knows I'm breaking down. He has to. I've tried everything. Staying quiet, talking back, even trying to fight. He's just too strong for me. The way he is, it seems like he's practiced the art of pain. He knows every pressure point; it's almost unbelievable. I just can't handle it; I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh, I hate him. I hate him so much. Look at what he's done. Getting me to say that I hate someone used to be an extreme effort. Now I could say it without hesitation.
~ You like to think you're never wrong
You have to act like you're someone
You want someone to hurt like you
You want to share what you've been through
You live what you've learned ~
He thinks everything he says is right. He's nobody. Without me he wouldn't even exist! He'd still be in the Shadow Realm, sitting in that cold, suffocating darkness. He should be thankful that I'm around. I saved him from all that. And all he does is hurt me over and over again. He doesn't even care. The more I suffer, the better.
I've even gone to the length of not doing my homework, just so I can get detention and spend a few extra hours away from home. That's a few hours in which there's no way I can anger him. Yet, he always finds a reason. I just wish I knew why! There has to be some explanation for that rock hard heart of his, why he takes it all out on me! But those cold brown eyes mask everything. He's unreadable.
~ You love the things I say I'll do
The way I hurt myself again just to get back at you
You take away if I give in
My life, my pride is broken ~
He's always laughing at me! I try to be strong, but he knows I can't make good on my threats; I can't fight back, no matter how hard I try, and by the time I gather up enough courage, I'm usually hurt so badly that it just causes me more pain to struggle. He constantly tells me how weak and useless I am. I don't want to believe him. I shouldn't, but I do. He's really started to convince me that I'm as pathetic as he says I am.
He hasn't figured out yet that I'm fading. I can feel it, even if he can't. It's slow and gradual, but I can feel myself growing weaker. I'm trying hard to keep my strength up, but I'm drained. No matter how much I rest, which is never as much as I'd like, I wake up more tired than when I fell asleep. It never changes.
I've taken to being in constant pain so much lately that he's even eased up a bit. I guess it isn't fun for him anymore when I'm sobbing and begging frantically after the lightest of hits. It's just that everything always hurts so much. It's as if I have acid running through my veins. My cuts and bruises heal slower, I get out of breath so easily, my whole body aches. Everyone's worried about me, but I just brush it off and tell them that I must be coming down with something. They've bought it so far; everyone but Yugi, who tells me ever so often to let him know if it gets too much for me. Yami might be able to handle him, but I don't want to risk Yugi's health for my own. He actually has something to live for; his grandfather needs him. My dad could probably care less if I'm here or lying dead in a gutter. No, don't say that Bakura, your father loves you more than anything else in the world. He just can't be here right now. Would it do me any good if he were? He couldn't stop him, or maybe he could. But even if he couldn't, he could help me get some rest. I'm so tired, so weak and exhausted. I just need a break.
It doesn't matter. I'm going to get a permanent one soon.
~ You like to think you're never wrong
You have to act like you're someone
You want someone to hurt like you
You want to share what you've been through
You live what you've learned ~
There's something about him; something that tells me he's using my pain to hide his own. I'm not saying he's innocent. Heh, the day hell freezes over. But he's been hurt in the past, badly. I don't know if he's just emotionally unsound or mentally psychotic, maybe both, the way he seems to love the sight of blood, but he couldn't have always been that way. No, his personality was like mine, and I know he's still in there somewhere. Like I'll ever uncover that secret.
But it's almost like he doesn't know any other way to treat me except hurt me. If that's his way of showing he cares then God help my soul.
As much as I hate him, I can't help but wonder from time to time. Wonder what he suffered through to make him the way he is. I don't dare ask him, heaven's no. I'd get the beating of a lifetime for prying into his personal life. But I wish I knew what he was like before whatever it was that changed him. There were times when he'd take over, I'd sit in my soul room and wonder what I might find in his. What memories I might dig up, anything that might explain why he is like he is. Was he like me? Scared and quiet, shy, always trying to melt into the shadows wherever he was? What am I saying, he was probably born brutal.
~ Forfeit the game
Before somebody else takes you out of the frame
Put your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can't run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won't last ~
I'm giving up. I'm finally giving up. He'll either kill me or I'll die from weakness. I can't keep up anymore; everything seems to be going by five times faster than it used to.
I'm just going to stop begging, stop pleading. Maybe he'll forget about me if I stop fighting and leave me in my soul room, take permanent control. At least I could finally rest. That's all I want.
I wish it would all just go away. I'm not afraid to die, really. It's probably a lot more peaceful than my life. Anything to stop this pain and exhaustion, anything. And death really doesn't sound so bad right about now.
The only thing that stops me from slitting my wrists, from ending it all, is my father. I remember when my mother died, what he told me.
"The only thing that's keeping me going is you, my son. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too. You're all I have left, Bakura. I couldn't stand it if you ever left me."
I promised him I'd never leave; I'd never make him suffer all that pain again. But I wonder. I wonder what he would say if he knew what I was going through. All he does when he comes home is try to take care of me. He feels terribly about me being alone all the time, I can tell. I assure him that I'm all right, that I have my friends for company, but I never tell him anything about what goes on when he's not around.
No one would be able to tell him why.why I decided life was too much to handle all of a sudden. Except Yugi. Yugi could tell him. I pulled a piece of paper out of one of my notebooks and wrote a long letter to my father, ending it with the fact that I couldn't explain why, but Yugi could. That he could tell him it all. And that I was sorry for breaking my promise. I placed it in plain sight on the coffee table.
I just can't take it anymore. My father will have to understand.
~ You like to think you're never wrong
You have to act like you're someone
You want someone to hurt like you
You want to share what you've been through
You live what you've learned ~
Yugi waved brightly as I walked over to his desk. I saw his gaze shift to the cut on my cheek and he visibly shivered. "Are you ok?" His voice was a whisper; Yugi knew me all too well. That I didn't want anyone's attention, much less their pity. I shook my head and placed a letter on the polished surface of his desk. He looked at me worriedly and took it, his eyes following me as I retreated to my own seat.
I saw him open it and place the paper into his lap, reading it silently and discreetly. I saw his eyes widened, as he must have reached my simple signature at the bottom. His mouth dropped and he looked at me, his violet eyes horrified. He shook his head, whether in disbelief or telling me how wrong I was, I wasn't sure.
He suddenly directed those beautiful eyes away, trying to hide his tears from me, but it was too late. Yugi was so good-hearted; I felt terrible telling him that one of his friends had been pushed to such an extreme. He seemed to zone out a little, and I knew he was talking to Yami.
He walked over to me and dropped a slip of paper on my desk. I opened its folds slowly and read it to myself. Yugi's tears had been just enough to leave little wet dots on the loose-leaf.
BAKURA!!! DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS! YOU CAN'T! YOU JUST CAN'T! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU AT LUNCH AND WE'RE GOING TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO LIVE FOR, OK? ANYTHING! JUST LET ME TALK TO YOU, PLEASE!
Yugi was panicking. I could tell by how large and messy his usually neat handwriting was, not to mention what he was saying. It didn't matter. It was too late to change my mind. I've had enough.
But Yugi was more determined than I'd expected. I had asked, no begged, in my letter that he tell no one, and he was granting my request, but he was so incredibly worried that he was barely thinking straight. I tried to tell him that my choice had been made, but he wasn't having that. "One of my best friends is NOT going to kill himself without me at least trying to stop him! Bakura, you're sixteen! You have to have something in your life worth living for! What about your Dad? Have you thought how crushed he'll be if he loses his only son?!" Ouch. Below the belt on that one, Yugi. But I refused to let him see that he hit a weak spot. Too late. "You know, don't you? That's why you told me. So I could explain it all. Well, how about this, Bakura? I won't!" He got up from the picnic table, and even though his full height wasn't much, it made him seem more serious. "You hear me? I won't! I won't explain anything! Your father can think whatever he wants!"
Yugi stomped off, but I pulled myself up and followed him. "Oh, Yugi, you have to." "No, I don't!" Yugi spun around and I'd never seen someone so small look so menacing. "I don't HAVE to do anything, Bakura! You're my friend and I do things for you because I care about you, not because I HAVE to! And right now I'm worried about you; I personally don't like the idea of my friends killing themselves. You need my help, but you don't want it, so you know what?! I-give-up!"
"Yugi, that's my whole problem. I have no other alternative but to give up." Yugi had turned to leave but he stopped short, his body going rigid. He looked slightly over his shoulder. "You're just waiting for someone to convince you not to do it, aren't you? You don't want to do it. You want someone to call you back where you belong and set you straight." I kept my eyes down. Was he right? Was that really what I wanted? No, I convinced myself. What you want is to end it. What you want is to be out of this wretched world once and for all. I didn't answer him.
Yugi's boost was too little too late.
I looked at the blood stained carpet and wondered if all of it was mine.
~Owari~
Well, how was that? Hope you liked it! Ja Ne, my readers!