Laura: I loathe anyone who says that they own LOTR... yes, even Tolkien,
for I am jealous.
Lauren: You really scare me, you know that?
Laura: Of course I do... I'M LAURA!!! I AM THE ROOT OF EVIL!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough* HAHAHAA!!!
Legolas: Dear Eru, save me!!! *tries to run away... again...*
Lauren and Laura: NEVER, MY DEAR ELF!!!! *lunge at Legolas*
Laura: YOUR dear elf?
Lauren: YOUR dear elf?
Both: *attack each other*
Aragorn: *walking in* What's going on? *sees the two freaks fighting*
Legolas: *braggingly* They're fighting over me... popcorn? *holds out big big BIG tub of popcorn*
Aragorn: Don't mind if I do. *shoves popcorn in his mouth; both sit back and watch Laura and Lauren wrestle*
Lauren: ARY!!!! *pounces on Aragorn*
Aragorn: AHHHH!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 3: ALL HAIL THE CHIPMUNK KING!!!
~Laura POV~
So off we went on our horses. Gandalf was always in the lead, because he had Shadowfax (a.k.a. OOH LOOKIE LAUREN!!! PRETTY WHITE HORSIE!!!), who was much faster than our horses. It was great, though, because Legolas was always last, since he had Gimli. I swear, that dwarf is such a wuss! I mean, honestly, I wasn't afraid the first time I rode a horse!
Anyhap, I'm getting off track. So we were riding over the plains of Rohan, towards Edoras... y'know, the place where Theoden lives. I acted like I didn't know where we were going.
I nudged Duke to go faster to catch up with Gandalf and Shadowfax. "Hey Gandy! What's up?" I asked sweetly.
He looked at me with a slightly irritated look. "Don't call me Gandy."
"Why not, Gandy? I think it suits you very well!"
"Do NOT call me GANDY!" he yelled. I immediately decided that I didn't want to face the wrath of the evil wizard.
"Okay, GANDALF. Where are we going?" I asked slowly.
"We are going to Edoras," he answered coldly.
"Why?"
"To see Theoden in his home of Meduseld."
"Why?"
"Because we need to warn him that he will soon be under attack."
"Why?"
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!" he roared.
"Eep!!!" I halted Duke and slowed his pace to match up with Hasufel's. I turned to Lauren and Aragorn. "So, dear termite, what's up wit you in your hood?"
"Don't go all ghetto on me, Laura," she asked pleadingly.
"Okey dokey artichokey. What's up with you and your lover boy, huh?"
She looked at me with a horrified look. "Laura!!!" she said between gritted teeth. But Aragorn was just laughing. I grinned at the stinky Ranger. "Really, though, Aragorn! We think you're cool!"
"Cool?" he asked with a confused look.
"Um... like, really neat. Erm... help me out here, Lauren."
"Hmm... like, awesome. Stylish, and-"
I looked at her and raised my eyebrow. "Not stylish. Just awesome." We both giggled.
"I think I understand. Well, thank you, young maidens. I think you're 'cool', too." He smiled at us, and Lauren almost fainted.
"Well, toodles, you two love birds!" I grinned and slowed down even more and matched my pace with Arod's.
"Hey there, Leggy poo!" I said sweetly. "And good afternoon to you also, Gimli-kins!"
"Go away," the fat midget growled.
I gave him the PUPPY EYES OF DOOM and made my bottom lip tremble. "You don't love me?"
"Not particularly," he grumbled.
"Gimli! She's going to wail!" Legolas said pleadingly. I smirked inwardly and started to whimper. "Oh, no! Laura come on! Don't! Please!"
I sniffled. "Why shouldn't I?"
"Because... um, I'll give you my dinner tonight, assuming we reach Meduseld by then."
I lit up like a giant flashlight. "Really!?" I think I should mention now that I have a HUGE appetite, and that I normally begged Legolas for his food. I mean, he is an Elf, after all.
He sighed. "I'm going to regret this, but... *groan*... really."
"Yippee skippy!" I cried happily. "You're the bestest, Leggy poo!!!"
~Lauren POV~
I groaned and buried my head in my hands as Laura disappeared behind us. Why, oh why did she have to go and embarrass me like that!?
Aragorn chuckled and looked back at me. "Don't be embarrassed, Lauren! Be happy, because today is a gorgeous day, and we have Gandalf back with us."
"You sound like a hippy," I grumbled.
"What's a hippy?" he asked.
"Never mind. Long story. Anywho, so what's the deal with you and Arwen? You guys are all in love and stuff, right?" I tried to sound sweet, and it probably would have sounded nice, too, except that I sneered when I said HER name. The little wench... he should be MINE!!!
Aragorn let out a lovesick sigh. "Yes, we are very much in love," he said dreamily. Uh oh, looks like I let out the mushy side of our Ranger... "Her hair shines like a raven's wing, and her skin is as white as snow..." I rolled my eyes.
"You are VERY much in love, all right," I told him.
"Uh-huh..." he stared off at the horizon.
"KILL ME NOW!!! PLEASE!!!" I shouted.
"GLADLY!!!" I heard someone yell back. I turned around and saw Legolas aiming an arrow at me.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!" I screamed. "ARAGORN!!! LEGOLAS IS GONNA KILL ME!!!" I wailed.
Aragorn turned around and rolled his eyes. "LEGOLAS!!!!" he shouted. "Be nice!"
I heard him let out a big sigh. "Oh, fine!" He grinned and put the arrow back into his quiver.
"NAH!!!" I yelled at him, and gave him a :-P (a raspberry, for all you people that live under rocks). He did a rude gesture with his hand. "THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!!!" I called back.
"NOT REALLY!" he shouted.
"Asshole," I muttered.
"I heard that!!!" he retorted. Damn that elvish hearing ability. I rolled my eyes and laid my head against Aragorn's back. I listened hooves came up behind Hasufel. "Loser," I heard Laura mutter. I just stuck my tongue out at her.
~Legolas POV~
Pretending like I was going to kill Lauren was the most fun I had all day. After that, Laura rode beside us all the way to Meduseld. It was quite annoying, actually, because she just wouldn't shut up.
"Hey Leggy?" she asked suddenly.
"What now?"
"You guys wouldn't happen to have Powerbars here, would you?" she asked. (A/N: I am OBSESSED with Powerbars. THEY'RE SO YUMMY!!!! ^_^)
"Have what?" I asked with a bemused look.
"Never mind. You obviously don't." She let out a saddened sigh. "You Middle-Earthlings are so primitive..."
"Primitive?! How dare you!" I cried. "We are far from primitive!"
"Really now? Well, have you ever seen one of these before?" She held up a circular object with a thin wire coming out of it. At the other end was another odd object, shaped like a semi-circle.
"What is it?" I asked.
"It's called..." she paused dramatically, "a WALKMAN!!!!"
"What does it do?"
"Wanna see?" she asked angelically.
"Erm... alright..." I suddenly regretted ever asking what it was.
"A'righty. Just put this thing over your ridiculously pointed ears," she told me, holding out the semi-circular thing. "They're called headphones." I did like she said and put the headphones on my ears. "Good. Now I'll do the rest." She turned a little knob on the bigger circular object. All of a sudden a terrible noise met my ears.
"Ai! What is THIS??" I shouted. She rolled her eyes and pulled the headphones on my ears off. "You don't have to shout," she scolded. "It's called music! Dur!!" She reached over from her horse and whapped the back of my head.
"That is NOT music!!" I retorted. "That was just a bunch of noise with people singing some absurd lyrics!"
"Hey! Don't diss Simple Plan!" Laura said angrily.
"Simple plan?"
"Yes. It's a band. A group of people that play instruments and sing together," she explained omnisciently.
"Humph. Sounds like a bunch of awful noise to me," I grumbled.
"Oh screw you. You don't know crap about music from OUR world." She grabbed the "Walkman" out of my hands and galloped up next to Aragorn. "Hey Aragorn, wanna see something cool?" I heard her ask. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
~Laura POV~
Mwahahaha!!! I love being evil! It was so much fun making Leggy listen to music.
We rode for most of the rest of the day without stopping. Near two o'clock we reached Edoras. People stared as we trotted through the town.
Lauren and I looked at each other and smirked. I stood up in my stirrups and started waving like a beauty queen. I blew air-kisses to all the guys my age, which were quite numerous, actually. One guy in particular was really cute, despite his filthiness. I winked and waved at him. I heard Legolas groan.
When we came to the palace, a guard was standing outside the doors. He narrowed his eyes as we approached him. Gandalf spoke first.
"I, Gandalf, have returned, with Shadowfax, the horse that no other man can tame," he stated in a holier-than-thou voice.
"Drama queen," I muttered. "You're as bad as Frodo." Lauren jabbed me in the ribs.
"With me is Aragorn son of Arathorn, and Legolas the Elf and Gimli the Dwarf and the Ladies Lauren and Laura, our comrades. Tell your king that we wish speech with him!"
"Yay! We're not prisoners any more!" Lauren exclaimed happily. I giggled insanely. The guard, whose name was Hama, went through the doors, leaving us standing there. A few minutes later he came back out.
"It is by command of Grima Wormtongue, counselor of Theoden King, that you leave all of your weapons here," he said firmly. Lauren immediately gave him all her weapons and walked through the doors.
"But... but... I LIKE holding my sword," I complained.
"Laura..." Aragorn said in a warning voice.
"Fine..." I handed the man my sword and my little dagger that Legolas had given me all the way back in Rivendell. I started to walk through the doors.
"My lady, your bag," Hama said. I turned around and looked at him.
"Excuse me? How am I going to hurt someone with my bag?" I asked sarcastically. "Hold on, I'll empty it." I sat down on the ground, Indian- style, and opened my backpack and turned it upside down. Out came four books, a plastic knife, some tissues, gum, a bunch of pens, a tampon (Lauren giggled, I glared), a towel, a floppy disk, some CD's, my Walkman, exactly eighteen paperclips, and a smashed-up granola bar.
"My lady, you were hiding a weapon!" the guard said accusingly, pointing at the plastic knife.
"Puh-leeze!" I said, rolling my eyes. "Look." I took the knife and broke it into four pieces. "Happy now, Mr. Hama the Great?"
"Erm... yes, my lady," he stuttered, embarrassed.
"Good." I nodded and walked through the door where Lauren was waiting. He let me take my bag inside, which actually kind of surprised me.
"You're hopeless," she muttered.
"Hopelessly what? Hopelessly smart, hopelessly odd, hopelessly talented, hopelessly stupid-"
"All of the above except smart and talented." She grinned.
"That leaves... HEY!!!" I whapped her on the head. "Jerk." I scowled as everyone else came walking in. I snorted when Legolas walked past, with Gandalf leaning on him. Lauren started humming the wedding song. (Here comes the bride...) I laughed out loud.
As Aragorn walked past me he grabbed my ear. "Come on, prisoner," he said, starting to walk. My poor ear! "OWEE!!!!" I screeched. He immediately let go, and I smirked at him. Lauren kicked me in the shin as he walked away. I kicked her back.
Once we got done with our kick-fight, we hurried along after the others.
"The courtesy in your halls seems to have lessened of late, Theoden King," Gandalf said. Psh, some greeting... I looked up at Theoden and gasped. "CHIPMUNK!!!" I cried, tugging on Legolas' sleeve and pointing. He cringed and clapped his hand over my mouth. I scowled and bit his palm. Silence me, will you? I think not!!
"I greet you," Theoden answered Gandalf. "However you shall find no welcome here. Troubles and woes follow you like fog, Master Gandalf. All you have brought to me in the past has been evil and awful news. I ask you, Gandalf Stormcrow, why should I welcome you?"
"Justly spoken, my lord," Wormtongue said. (Heheh, he looks Goth...) He turned to Gandalf. "Lathspell I name you. Ill news. They say ill news is an ill guest." He narrowed his eyes and grinned evilly.
Suddenly Gandalf pointed his staff at him. Grima Wormtongue!" he yelled. "Tell me, how long ago did Saruman buy you?"
"I thought I told you to take his staff!" Grima squeaked. Yes, he squeaked. An awful voice... ugh, it made me cringe. Seven guards stepped towards us, and Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn all got in fistfights. Lauren and I, however, have no arm strength. So, I used the first thing I thought of.
"HOOHA!!!!" I yelled and kicked the guard coming at me in the balls. He bent over and I kicked him in the face. "Attack... me... will... you?" I asked, kicking him in the shin after each word. "I DUN' THINK SO, BUBBA!!!" I smashed my bag down on his head, and he fell to the ground, unconscious. I stuck my tongue out at his still form and looked over at Lauren. I started laughing.
Somehow, she had gotten onto the guy's back, and it looked like he was giving her a piggyback ride. She repeatedly hit him in the head with her fists. "Yay Chicago Cubs!" she cheered, as I whapped him in the face with my backpack. The man crumpled to the ground. "Weeee!" Lauren said happily as he fell. She smiled and stood up, brushing herself off. "That was fun!" We gave each other a high-five.
I looked over at King Chipmunk... excuse me, King THEODEN. (*snicker snicker*). He looked younger... Of course! Duh! Gandalf had kicked Saruman's ass out of Theoden's body. Serves him right... the bitchy wizard- woman... A woman was kneeling by his side, weeping and holding his hand. Theoden looked down at her. "I remember you..." Theoden said. "Eowyn...Sister daughter..." (A/N: Does that mean "niece"? I've never been able to figure that out...) Eowyn's lip trembled as she nodded.
"Awwwwwww!!!" Lauren and I said at the same time. What!? I'm not ALWAYS a grump!
Theoden was now standing up and had his sword. He looked like he would kill Wormtongue. He raised his sword, but Aragorn stopped him.
"No. Enough blood has already been spilt on his account," he explained.
Theoden looked at Aragorn, then at Wormtongue. "Leave, Wormtongue, and never return to my halls again," he said harshly. "Take a horse if you need, but do not cause harm!"
Wormtongue said something (what? I have a short memory), and spat at Theoden. He then ran out of the hall. A servant ran behind him and scrubbed the ground where he had walked.
"Boo-ya!!!" Lauren said. I shook my head. "No, darling. 'Boo-ya' went out about the same time as Hanson and the Spice Girls..." I patted her shoulder.
"Riiiiiight..." Legolas said as he stared at us.
"Never mind. It's a thing from out NON-PRIMITIVE world," I said, bringing up the old topic.
Legolas growled, and I grinned. "Dear Princess, what can you expect from me? I am but a NON-PRIMITIVE little girl from a different world. You HAVE to be nice to me." I smiled angelically.
"I have to?" he asked with a smirk.
"Yes, you- OOF!!!" I exclaimed as he pushed me to the ground. "Pain..."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well my dear stale potato chips, I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry that I didn't update on Friday!!! My stupid, idiotic, poopheaded, bitchy, annoying, alien-that-calls-herself-my sister was hogging the computer. *sigh* BUT I WAS A GOOD GIRL AND I UPDATED!!! Actually, I was so worried that I would get in trouble with you guys that I was up 'til 3:00 in the morning worrying about you flaming me. Yes, YOU!!! I lost sleep because of YOU!!!! So feel special! I COMMAND THEE!!! GROVEL AT THE FEET OF LORENZO THE FUTURE ELF QUEEN OF MIRKWOOD!!!! MWAHAHAHHAHA *cough cough* HAHAHA!!!!!!
Celtic Dawn Star: ... erm... oops... *embarrassed giggle* I thought you meant what *I* would want in Middle-earth... oopsie doopsie... *bangs head repeatedly on keyboard* ;mfdsdkm;lf;kdflsk;lj;lkkj;lfkjff09843908uiokvlkjvlkvlkjfd... ouch...
Evil ducky: IT'S HERE!!! ^_^ Now you can read!!! :-)
Crystyna: You're even weirder than I am, you know??? LOL well here it is... glad that you all like it so much!!! :-)
Carmina Burana: Yayness!!! I'm on your favorite author list!! So special am I!!! *does touchdown dance* w00t w00t!!! ^_^
aquitaineg: Hehe, yup!!! Me and Lauren have some "issues" with our calmness... or lack thereof... :-) lol hope you enjoy this chapter!! P.S. what does your name mean?
RandomFan: Still keepin' it random?? :-) Good footstool. I have taught you well... hehe j/k! Randomness cannot be taught... it comes from experience. Oooh, that's a good quote. Perhaps someday I'll be famous for saying that... heheh Anyhap, I'll put this in just for you: PUPPY EYES OF DOOM!!!!! ^_^ Hope you enjoyed this chapter!!! :-)
Lauren: You really scare me, you know that?
Laura: Of course I do... I'M LAURA!!! I AM THE ROOT OF EVIL!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough* HAHAHAA!!!
Legolas: Dear Eru, save me!!! *tries to run away... again...*
Lauren and Laura: NEVER, MY DEAR ELF!!!! *lunge at Legolas*
Laura: YOUR dear elf?
Lauren: YOUR dear elf?
Both: *attack each other*
Aragorn: *walking in* What's going on? *sees the two freaks fighting*
Legolas: *braggingly* They're fighting over me... popcorn? *holds out big big BIG tub of popcorn*
Aragorn: Don't mind if I do. *shoves popcorn in his mouth; both sit back and watch Laura and Lauren wrestle*
Lauren: ARY!!!! *pounces on Aragorn*
Aragorn: AHHHH!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 3: ALL HAIL THE CHIPMUNK KING!!!
~Laura POV~
So off we went on our horses. Gandalf was always in the lead, because he had Shadowfax (a.k.a. OOH LOOKIE LAUREN!!! PRETTY WHITE HORSIE!!!), who was much faster than our horses. It was great, though, because Legolas was always last, since he had Gimli. I swear, that dwarf is such a wuss! I mean, honestly, I wasn't afraid the first time I rode a horse!
Anyhap, I'm getting off track. So we were riding over the plains of Rohan, towards Edoras... y'know, the place where Theoden lives. I acted like I didn't know where we were going.
I nudged Duke to go faster to catch up with Gandalf and Shadowfax. "Hey Gandy! What's up?" I asked sweetly.
He looked at me with a slightly irritated look. "Don't call me Gandy."
"Why not, Gandy? I think it suits you very well!"
"Do NOT call me GANDY!" he yelled. I immediately decided that I didn't want to face the wrath of the evil wizard.
"Okay, GANDALF. Where are we going?" I asked slowly.
"We are going to Edoras," he answered coldly.
"Why?"
"To see Theoden in his home of Meduseld."
"Why?"
"Because we need to warn him that he will soon be under attack."
"Why?"
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!" he roared.
"Eep!!!" I halted Duke and slowed his pace to match up with Hasufel's. I turned to Lauren and Aragorn. "So, dear termite, what's up wit you in your hood?"
"Don't go all ghetto on me, Laura," she asked pleadingly.
"Okey dokey artichokey. What's up with you and your lover boy, huh?"
She looked at me with a horrified look. "Laura!!!" she said between gritted teeth. But Aragorn was just laughing. I grinned at the stinky Ranger. "Really, though, Aragorn! We think you're cool!"
"Cool?" he asked with a confused look.
"Um... like, really neat. Erm... help me out here, Lauren."
"Hmm... like, awesome. Stylish, and-"
I looked at her and raised my eyebrow. "Not stylish. Just awesome." We both giggled.
"I think I understand. Well, thank you, young maidens. I think you're 'cool', too." He smiled at us, and Lauren almost fainted.
"Well, toodles, you two love birds!" I grinned and slowed down even more and matched my pace with Arod's.
"Hey there, Leggy poo!" I said sweetly. "And good afternoon to you also, Gimli-kins!"
"Go away," the fat midget growled.
I gave him the PUPPY EYES OF DOOM and made my bottom lip tremble. "You don't love me?"
"Not particularly," he grumbled.
"Gimli! She's going to wail!" Legolas said pleadingly. I smirked inwardly and started to whimper. "Oh, no! Laura come on! Don't! Please!"
I sniffled. "Why shouldn't I?"
"Because... um, I'll give you my dinner tonight, assuming we reach Meduseld by then."
I lit up like a giant flashlight. "Really!?" I think I should mention now that I have a HUGE appetite, and that I normally begged Legolas for his food. I mean, he is an Elf, after all.
He sighed. "I'm going to regret this, but... *groan*... really."
"Yippee skippy!" I cried happily. "You're the bestest, Leggy poo!!!"
~Lauren POV~
I groaned and buried my head in my hands as Laura disappeared behind us. Why, oh why did she have to go and embarrass me like that!?
Aragorn chuckled and looked back at me. "Don't be embarrassed, Lauren! Be happy, because today is a gorgeous day, and we have Gandalf back with us."
"You sound like a hippy," I grumbled.
"What's a hippy?" he asked.
"Never mind. Long story. Anywho, so what's the deal with you and Arwen? You guys are all in love and stuff, right?" I tried to sound sweet, and it probably would have sounded nice, too, except that I sneered when I said HER name. The little wench... he should be MINE!!!
Aragorn let out a lovesick sigh. "Yes, we are very much in love," he said dreamily. Uh oh, looks like I let out the mushy side of our Ranger... "Her hair shines like a raven's wing, and her skin is as white as snow..." I rolled my eyes.
"You are VERY much in love, all right," I told him.
"Uh-huh..." he stared off at the horizon.
"KILL ME NOW!!! PLEASE!!!" I shouted.
"GLADLY!!!" I heard someone yell back. I turned around and saw Legolas aiming an arrow at me.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!" I screamed. "ARAGORN!!! LEGOLAS IS GONNA KILL ME!!!" I wailed.
Aragorn turned around and rolled his eyes. "LEGOLAS!!!!" he shouted. "Be nice!"
I heard him let out a big sigh. "Oh, fine!" He grinned and put the arrow back into his quiver.
"NAH!!!" I yelled at him, and gave him a :-P (a raspberry, for all you people that live under rocks). He did a rude gesture with his hand. "THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!!!" I called back.
"NOT REALLY!" he shouted.
"Asshole," I muttered.
"I heard that!!!" he retorted. Damn that elvish hearing ability. I rolled my eyes and laid my head against Aragorn's back. I listened hooves came up behind Hasufel. "Loser," I heard Laura mutter. I just stuck my tongue out at her.
~Legolas POV~
Pretending like I was going to kill Lauren was the most fun I had all day. After that, Laura rode beside us all the way to Meduseld. It was quite annoying, actually, because she just wouldn't shut up.
"Hey Leggy?" she asked suddenly.
"What now?"
"You guys wouldn't happen to have Powerbars here, would you?" she asked. (A/N: I am OBSESSED with Powerbars. THEY'RE SO YUMMY!!!! ^_^)
"Have what?" I asked with a bemused look.
"Never mind. You obviously don't." She let out a saddened sigh. "You Middle-Earthlings are so primitive..."
"Primitive?! How dare you!" I cried. "We are far from primitive!"
"Really now? Well, have you ever seen one of these before?" She held up a circular object with a thin wire coming out of it. At the other end was another odd object, shaped like a semi-circle.
"What is it?" I asked.
"It's called..." she paused dramatically, "a WALKMAN!!!!"
"What does it do?"
"Wanna see?" she asked angelically.
"Erm... alright..." I suddenly regretted ever asking what it was.
"A'righty. Just put this thing over your ridiculously pointed ears," she told me, holding out the semi-circular thing. "They're called headphones." I did like she said and put the headphones on my ears. "Good. Now I'll do the rest." She turned a little knob on the bigger circular object. All of a sudden a terrible noise met my ears.
"Ai! What is THIS??" I shouted. She rolled her eyes and pulled the headphones on my ears off. "You don't have to shout," she scolded. "It's called music! Dur!!" She reached over from her horse and whapped the back of my head.
"That is NOT music!!" I retorted. "That was just a bunch of noise with people singing some absurd lyrics!"
"Hey! Don't diss Simple Plan!" Laura said angrily.
"Simple plan?"
"Yes. It's a band. A group of people that play instruments and sing together," she explained omnisciently.
"Humph. Sounds like a bunch of awful noise to me," I grumbled.
"Oh screw you. You don't know crap about music from OUR world." She grabbed the "Walkman" out of my hands and galloped up next to Aragorn. "Hey Aragorn, wanna see something cool?" I heard her ask. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
~Laura POV~
Mwahahaha!!! I love being evil! It was so much fun making Leggy listen to music.
We rode for most of the rest of the day without stopping. Near two o'clock we reached Edoras. People stared as we trotted through the town.
Lauren and I looked at each other and smirked. I stood up in my stirrups and started waving like a beauty queen. I blew air-kisses to all the guys my age, which were quite numerous, actually. One guy in particular was really cute, despite his filthiness. I winked and waved at him. I heard Legolas groan.
When we came to the palace, a guard was standing outside the doors. He narrowed his eyes as we approached him. Gandalf spoke first.
"I, Gandalf, have returned, with Shadowfax, the horse that no other man can tame," he stated in a holier-than-thou voice.
"Drama queen," I muttered. "You're as bad as Frodo." Lauren jabbed me in the ribs.
"With me is Aragorn son of Arathorn, and Legolas the Elf and Gimli the Dwarf and the Ladies Lauren and Laura, our comrades. Tell your king that we wish speech with him!"
"Yay! We're not prisoners any more!" Lauren exclaimed happily. I giggled insanely. The guard, whose name was Hama, went through the doors, leaving us standing there. A few minutes later he came back out.
"It is by command of Grima Wormtongue, counselor of Theoden King, that you leave all of your weapons here," he said firmly. Lauren immediately gave him all her weapons and walked through the doors.
"But... but... I LIKE holding my sword," I complained.
"Laura..." Aragorn said in a warning voice.
"Fine..." I handed the man my sword and my little dagger that Legolas had given me all the way back in Rivendell. I started to walk through the doors.
"My lady, your bag," Hama said. I turned around and looked at him.
"Excuse me? How am I going to hurt someone with my bag?" I asked sarcastically. "Hold on, I'll empty it." I sat down on the ground, Indian- style, and opened my backpack and turned it upside down. Out came four books, a plastic knife, some tissues, gum, a bunch of pens, a tampon (Lauren giggled, I glared), a towel, a floppy disk, some CD's, my Walkman, exactly eighteen paperclips, and a smashed-up granola bar.
"My lady, you were hiding a weapon!" the guard said accusingly, pointing at the plastic knife.
"Puh-leeze!" I said, rolling my eyes. "Look." I took the knife and broke it into four pieces. "Happy now, Mr. Hama the Great?"
"Erm... yes, my lady," he stuttered, embarrassed.
"Good." I nodded and walked through the door where Lauren was waiting. He let me take my bag inside, which actually kind of surprised me.
"You're hopeless," she muttered.
"Hopelessly what? Hopelessly smart, hopelessly odd, hopelessly talented, hopelessly stupid-"
"All of the above except smart and talented." She grinned.
"That leaves... HEY!!!" I whapped her on the head. "Jerk." I scowled as everyone else came walking in. I snorted when Legolas walked past, with Gandalf leaning on him. Lauren started humming the wedding song. (Here comes the bride...) I laughed out loud.
As Aragorn walked past me he grabbed my ear. "Come on, prisoner," he said, starting to walk. My poor ear! "OWEE!!!!" I screeched. He immediately let go, and I smirked at him. Lauren kicked me in the shin as he walked away. I kicked her back.
Once we got done with our kick-fight, we hurried along after the others.
"The courtesy in your halls seems to have lessened of late, Theoden King," Gandalf said. Psh, some greeting... I looked up at Theoden and gasped. "CHIPMUNK!!!" I cried, tugging on Legolas' sleeve and pointing. He cringed and clapped his hand over my mouth. I scowled and bit his palm. Silence me, will you? I think not!!
"I greet you," Theoden answered Gandalf. "However you shall find no welcome here. Troubles and woes follow you like fog, Master Gandalf. All you have brought to me in the past has been evil and awful news. I ask you, Gandalf Stormcrow, why should I welcome you?"
"Justly spoken, my lord," Wormtongue said. (Heheh, he looks Goth...) He turned to Gandalf. "Lathspell I name you. Ill news. They say ill news is an ill guest." He narrowed his eyes and grinned evilly.
Suddenly Gandalf pointed his staff at him. Grima Wormtongue!" he yelled. "Tell me, how long ago did Saruman buy you?"
"I thought I told you to take his staff!" Grima squeaked. Yes, he squeaked. An awful voice... ugh, it made me cringe. Seven guards stepped towards us, and Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn all got in fistfights. Lauren and I, however, have no arm strength. So, I used the first thing I thought of.
"HOOHA!!!!" I yelled and kicked the guard coming at me in the balls. He bent over and I kicked him in the face. "Attack... me... will... you?" I asked, kicking him in the shin after each word. "I DUN' THINK SO, BUBBA!!!" I smashed my bag down on his head, and he fell to the ground, unconscious. I stuck my tongue out at his still form and looked over at Lauren. I started laughing.
Somehow, she had gotten onto the guy's back, and it looked like he was giving her a piggyback ride. She repeatedly hit him in the head with her fists. "Yay Chicago Cubs!" she cheered, as I whapped him in the face with my backpack. The man crumpled to the ground. "Weeee!" Lauren said happily as he fell. She smiled and stood up, brushing herself off. "That was fun!" We gave each other a high-five.
I looked over at King Chipmunk... excuse me, King THEODEN. (*snicker snicker*). He looked younger... Of course! Duh! Gandalf had kicked Saruman's ass out of Theoden's body. Serves him right... the bitchy wizard- woman... A woman was kneeling by his side, weeping and holding his hand. Theoden looked down at her. "I remember you..." Theoden said. "Eowyn...Sister daughter..." (A/N: Does that mean "niece"? I've never been able to figure that out...) Eowyn's lip trembled as she nodded.
"Awwwwwww!!!" Lauren and I said at the same time. What!? I'm not ALWAYS a grump!
Theoden was now standing up and had his sword. He looked like he would kill Wormtongue. He raised his sword, but Aragorn stopped him.
"No. Enough blood has already been spilt on his account," he explained.
Theoden looked at Aragorn, then at Wormtongue. "Leave, Wormtongue, and never return to my halls again," he said harshly. "Take a horse if you need, but do not cause harm!"
Wormtongue said something (what? I have a short memory), and spat at Theoden. He then ran out of the hall. A servant ran behind him and scrubbed the ground where he had walked.
"Boo-ya!!!" Lauren said. I shook my head. "No, darling. 'Boo-ya' went out about the same time as Hanson and the Spice Girls..." I patted her shoulder.
"Riiiiiight..." Legolas said as he stared at us.
"Never mind. It's a thing from out NON-PRIMITIVE world," I said, bringing up the old topic.
Legolas growled, and I grinned. "Dear Princess, what can you expect from me? I am but a NON-PRIMITIVE little girl from a different world. You HAVE to be nice to me." I smiled angelically.
"I have to?" he asked with a smirk.
"Yes, you- OOF!!!" I exclaimed as he pushed me to the ground. "Pain..."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well my dear stale potato chips, I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry that I didn't update on Friday!!! My stupid, idiotic, poopheaded, bitchy, annoying, alien-that-calls-herself-my sister was hogging the computer. *sigh* BUT I WAS A GOOD GIRL AND I UPDATED!!! Actually, I was so worried that I would get in trouble with you guys that I was up 'til 3:00 in the morning worrying about you flaming me. Yes, YOU!!! I lost sleep because of YOU!!!! So feel special! I COMMAND THEE!!! GROVEL AT THE FEET OF LORENZO THE FUTURE ELF QUEEN OF MIRKWOOD!!!! MWAHAHAHHAHA *cough cough* HAHAHA!!!!!!
Celtic Dawn Star: ... erm... oops... *embarrassed giggle* I thought you meant what *I* would want in Middle-earth... oopsie doopsie... *bangs head repeatedly on keyboard* ;mfdsdkm;lf;kdflsk;lj;lkkj;lfkjff09843908uiokvlkjvlkvlkjfd... ouch...
Evil ducky: IT'S HERE!!! ^_^ Now you can read!!! :-)
Crystyna: You're even weirder than I am, you know??? LOL well here it is... glad that you all like it so much!!! :-)
Carmina Burana: Yayness!!! I'm on your favorite author list!! So special am I!!! *does touchdown dance* w00t w00t!!! ^_^
aquitaineg: Hehe, yup!!! Me and Lauren have some "issues" with our calmness... or lack thereof... :-) lol hope you enjoy this chapter!! P.S. what does your name mean?
RandomFan: Still keepin' it random?? :-) Good footstool. I have taught you well... hehe j/k! Randomness cannot be taught... it comes from experience. Oooh, that's a good quote. Perhaps someday I'll be famous for saying that... heheh Anyhap, I'll put this in just for you: PUPPY EYES OF DOOM!!!!! ^_^ Hope you enjoyed this chapter!!! :-)