Okay, y'know what? I'm too damn lazy to copy and paste my "happy"
disclaimer, so I'll just say this: I DON'T OWN LORD OF THE RINGS! DO I LOOK
LIKE A DEAD OLD MAN??? Well, not that you'd know what I look like... BUT
THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!
NO!
'TIS NOT!!
Nor is my last name Tolkien... if it was, I wouldn't be sitting my arse in front of the computer, typing a fanfic about LOTR. Instead, I'd probably be at my mountain cabin, enjoying my brand-new spa with imported water from Italy and eating Pizza Hut's yummy stuffed-crust pizza every night for dinner...
Anyhap, I think I've made my point clear.
~Laura/Lorenzo/Archibald/Blondie/Willoughby/Sandwich/Spicy/Laurie/Hey kid move
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 6: White jeans and hibiscus shirts
~Lauren POV~
So we were riding along in the planes of Rohan, doing pretty much nothing. I was pissed off, too, because Aragorn was flirting with dumb old Eowyn. So she's pretty, smart, athletic, a tomboy, and funny, but who cares? I'm funnier, and more tom-boyish, and... Well, that's pretty much it...
*sigh* So I was stuck on Hasufel behind the hottie ranger, listening to him ramble on about some crap that I didn't care about. Suddenly Laura came up on my right. "Howdy!" she said happily.
"Thank god! I thought that I would die of boredom!" I told her.
"Yeah, no kidding... Gimli is yakking on about dwarf women and how so many people think that there's no such thing, blah blah blah... But obviously there is such a thing, because he is a fine example." I snorted. "So how are you faring with your hottie ranger friend?" she asked with a sly grin.
"Operation Flirt With The Ranger is going downhill, my friend," I told her sadly.
"Erlack... You know, Lauren, if this were a fanfic, people would think you were turning into a Mary Sue," she said. We both laughed. "How pathetic are we?"
"Pretty damn pathetic," I told her.
"I second that," someone called from behind us.
"Damn you, Legolas! Can't you ever keep your nose out of other people's business?" Laura shouted.
"It's kind of hard with my wonderful hearing!" he called back with a smile.
"Screw you," she muttered.
"I heard that!"
"You were supposed to!" She looked at me. "Retard." She was silent for a minute or two, when all of a sudden she burst into tears.
"Oh my god, Laura what's wrong!?" I shouted over her wailing.
"I MISS MY WHITE JEANS!!!" she sobbed. "AND MY PINK SHIRT WITH THE HIBISCUS ON IT!!!" She bent over and blew her nose into Duke's mane, much to his disgust. I rolled my eyes and patted her on the back.
A few hours later we stopped to camp. Contrary to common belief, the journey to Helm's Deep takes about 2 days... not one day, like they made it seem in the movie. So, yes, that night, we stopped to rest.
Laura and I walked through the "settlement", looking at all the different people because we had nothing better to do.
Only two minutes after we had left our own camp, Laura let out a big sigh. "I'm so BORED!" she complained in a very complain-ish way.
"And you think I'm not?" I asked.
She pondered this for a second. "Well, you're smarter, prettier, and more athletic than I am, so you should be able to think up something for us to do."
"No I'm- wait... yes I am." I grinned as she kicked me in the shin. Suddenly someone put their hand on our shoulders.
"MA-HA!!!!" Laura yelped. (Yeah, I know what you're thinking... she does say odd things. But it's completely normal for her.) We turned around and looked. It was Aragorn. "Hiya Aray!" I said. "What's up?"
"You two need to come back to our camp... we leave early tomorrow, and you need some rest," he said in a very hot ranger/future hot king voice.
"Okay..." I breathed. I snapped out of my goo-gaa mode when Laura kicked me in the shin. Aragorn nodded, then turned and walked away.
"You know, oh dearest smart brunette pal of mine, you've become more lovey- dovey in recent days," Laura scolded me.
"Yeah, so?" I asked.
"Don't you think it might... oh I don't know... make our reputations with the Fellowship even worse than they are already if they think we're stalking our favorite characters?"
"Erm... good point." I blushed.
"Good spork. Now let's go have some 'dinner'... or whatever they call that soup..." She cringed as we walked back towards our own tents.
~Laura POV~
Erlack... Lauren was losing it, assuming she hadn't lost it already...
We headed back towards our own tent, which was next to Aragorn's and Theoden's. (They had separate ones, you ninny... jeez...) When we got back, the nice woman from the kitchen in Meduseld greeted us.
"Good evening, young maidens," she said kindly. "Would you like some stew?" she asked, holding out a big kettle. As much as I hate to regret it, it smelled really, really good, unlike the cafeteria food at our high school...
I leaned over and sniffed it. "Mmm... Sure, why not?" I asked. Helen (the maid) smiled and beckoned us to sit around a fire that she had built. Aragorn, Theoden, Gimli, and Puffy were already there.
I grabbed a bowl off of a pile and dished out some of the soup, then sat down next to Legolas. Lauren sat on my other side. I took a spoonful of soup and blew on it to cool it off, then stuck it in my mouth. I gasped in delight. Beef!! My favorite!
"Yay!" I squeaked loudly. Everyone became silent and stared at me. "Erm... I like beef stew..."
"It isn't beef, young maid," Theoden said. (Wow, he actually had the nerve to talk to me... you gotta respect someone with that much courage.)
"It isn't?" I asked, starting to become worried as to what it REALLY was.
"Of course not... it's rabbit," he said cheerily.
Okay, right now I should mention that, next to horses and dogs, rabbits are my favorite animals. I gave Theoden a look like this: O.o...
"BLECHK!!!!" I yelled, spitting it out into the fire. "Bunnies!? You killed BUNNIES?!"
"Laura, calm yourself!" Legolas scolded. "Get used to eating rabbit and venison. They are the most abundant game around here."
"Poor bunnies... poor little deer... what would Bambi think?" I wailed.
"Laura," Lauren said.
"What?" I said.
"Shut up."
"Well, I was just saying."
"Well don't."
"Well I won't, then."
"Well don't."
"I won't."
"Well don't."
I sighed resignedly. "I won't."
"Good girl." She patted my head then continued eating her *sob* bunny stew.
I sighed again and stared at my own bowl. A few pieces of meat were floating on the top. To me they were all shaped like cute little bunnies. I groaned, then drank it all in one go. Lauren, Legolas and Gimli all stared at me as I belched. "It ain't half bad," I said happily. Lauren groaned and buried her face in her hands.
A few minutes later I was bored again. For once Theoden and Aragorn weren't talking. I saw my chance.
"Hey, King Theoden!" I called across the fire.
"Yes, young maiden?"
"I wasn't sure if you caught our names before. My name is Laura, and this here is Lauren." She looked up and waved at him. "And this fine specimen of an elf *cough cough*," I said, beckoning to our dear friend, "is our very own personal Prince of Mirkwood. His name's Legolas, but we call him Little-brook-running-up-a-tree-with-a-sausage-up-its-bottom Sun Li the Third for short." I finished with a grin on my face. Legolas looked at me in horror as Theoden started booming with laughter. Lauren had already toppled over from laughing too hard.
"What a comedic child!" he roared. "Young Laura, you are quite a nice change from all this dreariness around here."
"We also call Legolas Leggy, Princess Puff, Leggy kins, Leggy poo, Puffy, and Princess," Lauren explained, which just got Theoden laughing harder.
"Such names! I believe I will enjoy your presence, young maidens!" Theoden said, and we both beamed.
Legolas scowled at us. "I hate you."
"I know," we both said, and I high-fived Lauren. I patted Legolas on the back. "Don't worry, Leggy, we might back off a bit."
He looked at me hopefully. "Really?"
"No."
He growled. "Aragorn, I'll take first watch tonight," he announced, standing up and stretching. Damn, he was tall...
"Of course, Legolas." Aragorn nodded and turned back to Theoden, discussing more plans and crap like that. Suddenly Eowyn appeared.
"Meh..." Lauren grunted.
"Good evening, my lords," she said daintily, bowing. "And good evening to you, Lauren and Laura," she said, turning to us.
"Yeah, hi," I muttered, grabbing a piece of bread off the plate that Helen had offered me. I groaned when she sat down next to me.
"Tell me, why do you act so childish?" she asked politely... if it's possible to ask something like that in a polite way. I hate when people ask some random (rude) questions, trying to make conversation.
"Erm... 'cause we feel like it?" I tried to explain.
"But you are hardly any younger than I, yet you act like toddlers!" she scorned.
"Good gracious, you're right!" Lauren said suddenly. "Perhaps we should go change into our disgustingly frilly pink dresses, Laura!" she exclaimed, turning to me.
"Why of course, dearest lederhosen*-wearing friend! Come, fellow ferret! TO THE TENT!!!" I grabbed her hand and we ran inside our tent, tying up the entrance so no one could get in.
*A'righty, for all you people that have no idea what this is: Lederhosen is like a traditional German way of dressing. You know, the men wear coveralls that have legs that only reach your knees, with knee socks and an absurd hat with a feather. Women wear white dresses (usually) with some sort of apron over it. To be quite honest, it looks retarded. There. And that's your daily Social Studies Lesson with Laura! :-D*
Once we were safe inside the protection of our tent, we burst our laughing. Eowyn came over and tried to open the flaps. "Let me in this instant, you silly little girls!"
"How bout no, Scott?" Lauren said, doing a perfect Dr. Evil impression and putting her pinkie to her mouth. I started laughing so hard that my cheeks hurt.
"Hmm!" Eowyn sniffed. We heard her stomp away, probably to flirt with Aragorn some more. I mentioned this to Lauren.
"Wha- NO!!!" she yelled, bolting out of the tent. Finally, peace and quiet! I laid down, using my pack as a pillow, and pulled my blanket up over me. I fell into an uneasy sleep.
~Legolas POV~
For the rest of the evening Lauren stuck to Aragorn like a child to its mother. Quite pathetic, actually. Finally Aragorn became overly annoyed. "Lauren?" he said slowly.
"Hmm?" she asked, scooting as close as humanly possible towards him.
"Go to bed. NOW."
"But- but-"
"Now, Lauren." She scowled and walked towards the tent she and Laura were sharing.
"Thank you," I said gratefully.
"I did it for me, not you," Aragorn retorted. He sighed and looked up at the stars for a moment, then back at me. "Well, I'm going to bed. Good night."
"Sleep well," I answered.
Now I was the only one left outside. All of the fires from the families had long gone out, because it was very late. I shouldered my bow and went to sit on a boulder a few feet away.
The night was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that I discovered that Lauren and Laura were annoying even at night. I was still sitting on the boulder, looking at the horizon. The sun wasn't even visible yet, but the sky was becoming noticeably lighter. I jumped up to stretch my legs.
Suddenly I heard footsteps behind me. I whirled around and nocked an arrow, aiming straight at... *sigh*... Laura.
"Jeez, a little paranoid, aren't we?" she asked, batting the arrow away.
"What are you doing up?" I asked testily.
"I woke up about an hour ago and couldn't go back to sleep. Do you have a problem with that, Oh Great Pointy-Eared one?"
"Yes, I do. Especially when I nearly kill a human girl because of her foolishness."
"You're just jealous the voices only talk to me," she said nonchalantly, dragging her blanket past me and planting herself on the boulder that I had been sitting on.
I raised my eyebrow, and was about to ask, but decided not to. I never got a straight answer from her anyways. Why should it be any different this time?
"I'll watch now if you want," she offered. I was surprised.
"What encouraged you to be kind all of a sudden?" I asked.
"Oh shuddup. Go to sleep if you want."
"Laura, if there was a band of orcs going past, you would start screaming your lungs out."
"So? That would alert everyone to get their asses into gear," she said in what she considered an intelligent voice.
"You are hopeless," I muttered.
"Uh huh!"
"Go back to bed."
"But I wanna help!" she whined.
"Fine then. You know what you could do that would be helpful?"
"What?" she said hopefully.
"Walk into your tent, tie it closed, and don't come out until I tell you to."
"Oka- HEY!" She swatted the back of my head.
"Childish little demon," I murmured.
"Says you." She stood up and strutted back to her tent, holding the blanket around her like a cloak.
~Laura POV~
Well, you're probably bored of hearing about traveling to Helm's Deep, so I'll just fill you in quickly.
1. Orcs never attacked us on the way there
2. Thus, Aragorn DID NOT fall off a cliff (which Lauren was ecstatic about)
3. I managed to bug Legolas to the brink of insanity (which I had been trying at for the whole journey)
4. Eowyn flirted a lot with Aragorn (oh big surprise)
So late that afternoon, we reached Helm's Deep. Basically, it was a giant stone fort carved out of the side of a mountain. Everyone (that is, about eight hundred people) gathered inside the main area when we got there.
Theoden announced that all the women and children under the age of 13* would go and hide in the caves under the fort. All boys over that age would stay and fight.
*Okay, I can't remember what the age was... I think it was ABOUT 13 years old... correct me if I'm wrong!*
I tugged on Legolas' sleeve. "Leggy?"
"What now, little fool?"
"I'm not little! I'm just a fool. Anyways, can Lauren and I stay-?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you are a woman (or so you say), and you must go down into the caves. It is safer there."
I gave him the PUPPY EYES OF DOOM. "Pwease?" I said in a baby voice. Lauren stood next to me and made her lip tremble.
He sighed. "You both have become like little sisters to me. I don't want you to get hurt, no matter how annoying you can be." (A/N: NOTICE: HE SAID THAT HE CARED FOR THEM LIKE SISTERS!!! NOTHING MORE!!! OK? SO KEEP YOUR EVIL FLAMES THAT SAY THAT THIS STORY IS A MARY SUE TO YOURSELVES!!! Thank you. Now back to your regular programming.)
"Fine," Lauren huffed. "We'll go ask Aragorn. He'll let us stay and fight."
"No he won't," said a voice. We groaned and turned around to see Aragorn standing right behind us. "You know, that's really annoying," I told him.
"I am a Ranger. I can be as quiet as a mouse and sneak up on unsuspecting people," he said with a smile. Then he became serious. "I have to agree with Legolas. You must not stay here. Do not try to argue, Laura." He held up his hand as I opened my mouth.
"Just for a few minutes?"
"No."
"Phooey." I grabbed Lauren's hand and started leading her towards the caverns. Once we were out of sight, we dodged into a broom closet. (Okay, so maybe it was an empty hall, but deal with it, ok?)
We listened as Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and Theoden all walked by towards the armory. I looked at Lauren. "Teehee! We're gonna fight at Helm's Deep!"
"Yay!" Okay, so it didn't even occur to us that we may be killed, but cut us some slack. We aren't the brightest crayons in the bucket... hold on...
After about half an hour of playing hand games, we made our way down to the armory. Quickly we picked out some helmets, chest-plates and wrist thingies. (A/N: I can't remember what they're called... you know, those things that belonged to Boromir that Aragorn puts on at the end of FOTR. Yeah, those!)
"Don't forget to put your hair up," Lauren told me.
We tiptoed out of the armory and ran back up to the wall where the fighting would start. We silently edged in between two Elves. I looked up at the one next to me. MA-HA!!!! IT WAS HALDIR!!!
I tugged on Lauren's sleeve. "What?" she hissed.
"Meep!" I pointed to Haldir, who was on my right.
"Haha! Looks like we ran into your lover boy!" she said happily. I "accidentally" smashed her toe with my foot. Haldir looked at us.
"Hello," I said in a deep voice (which I hoped sounded like a young man's).
"Hello... do I know you?"
"No. No you definitely do not," I said a little too quickly.
"Indeed." I grinned like an idiot and nodded vigorously. He raised his eyebrow, then turned back and watched as the big-ass army of orcs came up to the walls of the fort.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yay, a semi-long chapter! Woohoo... erm... not...
Anyhap, this is a semi-cliffy... kind of... not really... have you noticed how I like putting three dots after all my sentences in this ending part of all my chapters?... HOOHA! Like that!... AND THAT!... Okay I'm done... NOT! ^_^
Please review! Next chapter will be... DUN DUN DUN!!!! The battle of Helm's Deep!
P.S. Some of the random crap I put in this chapter come from the books "Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging" and "On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God" by Louise Rennison. You should read 'em some time... they're really good!!! Okay, shutting up now...
NO!
'TIS NOT!!
Nor is my last name Tolkien... if it was, I wouldn't be sitting my arse in front of the computer, typing a fanfic about LOTR. Instead, I'd probably be at my mountain cabin, enjoying my brand-new spa with imported water from Italy and eating Pizza Hut's yummy stuffed-crust pizza every night for dinner...
Anyhap, I think I've made my point clear.
~Laura/Lorenzo/Archibald/Blondie/Willoughby/Sandwich/Spicy/Laurie/Hey kid move
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 6: White jeans and hibiscus shirts
~Lauren POV~
So we were riding along in the planes of Rohan, doing pretty much nothing. I was pissed off, too, because Aragorn was flirting with dumb old Eowyn. So she's pretty, smart, athletic, a tomboy, and funny, but who cares? I'm funnier, and more tom-boyish, and... Well, that's pretty much it...
*sigh* So I was stuck on Hasufel behind the hottie ranger, listening to him ramble on about some crap that I didn't care about. Suddenly Laura came up on my right. "Howdy!" she said happily.
"Thank god! I thought that I would die of boredom!" I told her.
"Yeah, no kidding... Gimli is yakking on about dwarf women and how so many people think that there's no such thing, blah blah blah... But obviously there is such a thing, because he is a fine example." I snorted. "So how are you faring with your hottie ranger friend?" she asked with a sly grin.
"Operation Flirt With The Ranger is going downhill, my friend," I told her sadly.
"Erlack... You know, Lauren, if this were a fanfic, people would think you were turning into a Mary Sue," she said. We both laughed. "How pathetic are we?"
"Pretty damn pathetic," I told her.
"I second that," someone called from behind us.
"Damn you, Legolas! Can't you ever keep your nose out of other people's business?" Laura shouted.
"It's kind of hard with my wonderful hearing!" he called back with a smile.
"Screw you," she muttered.
"I heard that!"
"You were supposed to!" She looked at me. "Retard." She was silent for a minute or two, when all of a sudden she burst into tears.
"Oh my god, Laura what's wrong!?" I shouted over her wailing.
"I MISS MY WHITE JEANS!!!" she sobbed. "AND MY PINK SHIRT WITH THE HIBISCUS ON IT!!!" She bent over and blew her nose into Duke's mane, much to his disgust. I rolled my eyes and patted her on the back.
A few hours later we stopped to camp. Contrary to common belief, the journey to Helm's Deep takes about 2 days... not one day, like they made it seem in the movie. So, yes, that night, we stopped to rest.
Laura and I walked through the "settlement", looking at all the different people because we had nothing better to do.
Only two minutes after we had left our own camp, Laura let out a big sigh. "I'm so BORED!" she complained in a very complain-ish way.
"And you think I'm not?" I asked.
She pondered this for a second. "Well, you're smarter, prettier, and more athletic than I am, so you should be able to think up something for us to do."
"No I'm- wait... yes I am." I grinned as she kicked me in the shin. Suddenly someone put their hand on our shoulders.
"MA-HA!!!!" Laura yelped. (Yeah, I know what you're thinking... she does say odd things. But it's completely normal for her.) We turned around and looked. It was Aragorn. "Hiya Aray!" I said. "What's up?"
"You two need to come back to our camp... we leave early tomorrow, and you need some rest," he said in a very hot ranger/future hot king voice.
"Okay..." I breathed. I snapped out of my goo-gaa mode when Laura kicked me in the shin. Aragorn nodded, then turned and walked away.
"You know, oh dearest smart brunette pal of mine, you've become more lovey- dovey in recent days," Laura scolded me.
"Yeah, so?" I asked.
"Don't you think it might... oh I don't know... make our reputations with the Fellowship even worse than they are already if they think we're stalking our favorite characters?"
"Erm... good point." I blushed.
"Good spork. Now let's go have some 'dinner'... or whatever they call that soup..." She cringed as we walked back towards our own tents.
~Laura POV~
Erlack... Lauren was losing it, assuming she hadn't lost it already...
We headed back towards our own tent, which was next to Aragorn's and Theoden's. (They had separate ones, you ninny... jeez...) When we got back, the nice woman from the kitchen in Meduseld greeted us.
"Good evening, young maidens," she said kindly. "Would you like some stew?" she asked, holding out a big kettle. As much as I hate to regret it, it smelled really, really good, unlike the cafeteria food at our high school...
I leaned over and sniffed it. "Mmm... Sure, why not?" I asked. Helen (the maid) smiled and beckoned us to sit around a fire that she had built. Aragorn, Theoden, Gimli, and Puffy were already there.
I grabbed a bowl off of a pile and dished out some of the soup, then sat down next to Legolas. Lauren sat on my other side. I took a spoonful of soup and blew on it to cool it off, then stuck it in my mouth. I gasped in delight. Beef!! My favorite!
"Yay!" I squeaked loudly. Everyone became silent and stared at me. "Erm... I like beef stew..."
"It isn't beef, young maid," Theoden said. (Wow, he actually had the nerve to talk to me... you gotta respect someone with that much courage.)
"It isn't?" I asked, starting to become worried as to what it REALLY was.
"Of course not... it's rabbit," he said cheerily.
Okay, right now I should mention that, next to horses and dogs, rabbits are my favorite animals. I gave Theoden a look like this: O.o...
"BLECHK!!!!" I yelled, spitting it out into the fire. "Bunnies!? You killed BUNNIES?!"
"Laura, calm yourself!" Legolas scolded. "Get used to eating rabbit and venison. They are the most abundant game around here."
"Poor bunnies... poor little deer... what would Bambi think?" I wailed.
"Laura," Lauren said.
"What?" I said.
"Shut up."
"Well, I was just saying."
"Well don't."
"Well I won't, then."
"Well don't."
"I won't."
"Well don't."
I sighed resignedly. "I won't."
"Good girl." She patted my head then continued eating her *sob* bunny stew.
I sighed again and stared at my own bowl. A few pieces of meat were floating on the top. To me they were all shaped like cute little bunnies. I groaned, then drank it all in one go. Lauren, Legolas and Gimli all stared at me as I belched. "It ain't half bad," I said happily. Lauren groaned and buried her face in her hands.
A few minutes later I was bored again. For once Theoden and Aragorn weren't talking. I saw my chance.
"Hey, King Theoden!" I called across the fire.
"Yes, young maiden?"
"I wasn't sure if you caught our names before. My name is Laura, and this here is Lauren." She looked up and waved at him. "And this fine specimen of an elf *cough cough*," I said, beckoning to our dear friend, "is our very own personal Prince of Mirkwood. His name's Legolas, but we call him Little-brook-running-up-a-tree-with-a-sausage-up-its-bottom Sun Li the Third for short." I finished with a grin on my face. Legolas looked at me in horror as Theoden started booming with laughter. Lauren had already toppled over from laughing too hard.
"What a comedic child!" he roared. "Young Laura, you are quite a nice change from all this dreariness around here."
"We also call Legolas Leggy, Princess Puff, Leggy kins, Leggy poo, Puffy, and Princess," Lauren explained, which just got Theoden laughing harder.
"Such names! I believe I will enjoy your presence, young maidens!" Theoden said, and we both beamed.
Legolas scowled at us. "I hate you."
"I know," we both said, and I high-fived Lauren. I patted Legolas on the back. "Don't worry, Leggy, we might back off a bit."
He looked at me hopefully. "Really?"
"No."
He growled. "Aragorn, I'll take first watch tonight," he announced, standing up and stretching. Damn, he was tall...
"Of course, Legolas." Aragorn nodded and turned back to Theoden, discussing more plans and crap like that. Suddenly Eowyn appeared.
"Meh..." Lauren grunted.
"Good evening, my lords," she said daintily, bowing. "And good evening to you, Lauren and Laura," she said, turning to us.
"Yeah, hi," I muttered, grabbing a piece of bread off the plate that Helen had offered me. I groaned when she sat down next to me.
"Tell me, why do you act so childish?" she asked politely... if it's possible to ask something like that in a polite way. I hate when people ask some random (rude) questions, trying to make conversation.
"Erm... 'cause we feel like it?" I tried to explain.
"But you are hardly any younger than I, yet you act like toddlers!" she scorned.
"Good gracious, you're right!" Lauren said suddenly. "Perhaps we should go change into our disgustingly frilly pink dresses, Laura!" she exclaimed, turning to me.
"Why of course, dearest lederhosen*-wearing friend! Come, fellow ferret! TO THE TENT!!!" I grabbed her hand and we ran inside our tent, tying up the entrance so no one could get in.
*A'righty, for all you people that have no idea what this is: Lederhosen is like a traditional German way of dressing. You know, the men wear coveralls that have legs that only reach your knees, with knee socks and an absurd hat with a feather. Women wear white dresses (usually) with some sort of apron over it. To be quite honest, it looks retarded. There. And that's your daily Social Studies Lesson with Laura! :-D*
Once we were safe inside the protection of our tent, we burst our laughing. Eowyn came over and tried to open the flaps. "Let me in this instant, you silly little girls!"
"How bout no, Scott?" Lauren said, doing a perfect Dr. Evil impression and putting her pinkie to her mouth. I started laughing so hard that my cheeks hurt.
"Hmm!" Eowyn sniffed. We heard her stomp away, probably to flirt with Aragorn some more. I mentioned this to Lauren.
"Wha- NO!!!" she yelled, bolting out of the tent. Finally, peace and quiet! I laid down, using my pack as a pillow, and pulled my blanket up over me. I fell into an uneasy sleep.
~Legolas POV~
For the rest of the evening Lauren stuck to Aragorn like a child to its mother. Quite pathetic, actually. Finally Aragorn became overly annoyed. "Lauren?" he said slowly.
"Hmm?" she asked, scooting as close as humanly possible towards him.
"Go to bed. NOW."
"But- but-"
"Now, Lauren." She scowled and walked towards the tent she and Laura were sharing.
"Thank you," I said gratefully.
"I did it for me, not you," Aragorn retorted. He sighed and looked up at the stars for a moment, then back at me. "Well, I'm going to bed. Good night."
"Sleep well," I answered.
Now I was the only one left outside. All of the fires from the families had long gone out, because it was very late. I shouldered my bow and went to sit on a boulder a few feet away.
The night was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that I discovered that Lauren and Laura were annoying even at night. I was still sitting on the boulder, looking at the horizon. The sun wasn't even visible yet, but the sky was becoming noticeably lighter. I jumped up to stretch my legs.
Suddenly I heard footsteps behind me. I whirled around and nocked an arrow, aiming straight at... *sigh*... Laura.
"Jeez, a little paranoid, aren't we?" she asked, batting the arrow away.
"What are you doing up?" I asked testily.
"I woke up about an hour ago and couldn't go back to sleep. Do you have a problem with that, Oh Great Pointy-Eared one?"
"Yes, I do. Especially when I nearly kill a human girl because of her foolishness."
"You're just jealous the voices only talk to me," she said nonchalantly, dragging her blanket past me and planting herself on the boulder that I had been sitting on.
I raised my eyebrow, and was about to ask, but decided not to. I never got a straight answer from her anyways. Why should it be any different this time?
"I'll watch now if you want," she offered. I was surprised.
"What encouraged you to be kind all of a sudden?" I asked.
"Oh shuddup. Go to sleep if you want."
"Laura, if there was a band of orcs going past, you would start screaming your lungs out."
"So? That would alert everyone to get their asses into gear," she said in what she considered an intelligent voice.
"You are hopeless," I muttered.
"Uh huh!"
"Go back to bed."
"But I wanna help!" she whined.
"Fine then. You know what you could do that would be helpful?"
"What?" she said hopefully.
"Walk into your tent, tie it closed, and don't come out until I tell you to."
"Oka- HEY!" She swatted the back of my head.
"Childish little demon," I murmured.
"Says you." She stood up and strutted back to her tent, holding the blanket around her like a cloak.
~Laura POV~
Well, you're probably bored of hearing about traveling to Helm's Deep, so I'll just fill you in quickly.
1. Orcs never attacked us on the way there
2. Thus, Aragorn DID NOT fall off a cliff (which Lauren was ecstatic about)
3. I managed to bug Legolas to the brink of insanity (which I had been trying at for the whole journey)
4. Eowyn flirted a lot with Aragorn (oh big surprise)
So late that afternoon, we reached Helm's Deep. Basically, it was a giant stone fort carved out of the side of a mountain. Everyone (that is, about eight hundred people) gathered inside the main area when we got there.
Theoden announced that all the women and children under the age of 13* would go and hide in the caves under the fort. All boys over that age would stay and fight.
*Okay, I can't remember what the age was... I think it was ABOUT 13 years old... correct me if I'm wrong!*
I tugged on Legolas' sleeve. "Leggy?"
"What now, little fool?"
"I'm not little! I'm just a fool. Anyways, can Lauren and I stay-?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you are a woman (or so you say), and you must go down into the caves. It is safer there."
I gave him the PUPPY EYES OF DOOM. "Pwease?" I said in a baby voice. Lauren stood next to me and made her lip tremble.
He sighed. "You both have become like little sisters to me. I don't want you to get hurt, no matter how annoying you can be." (A/N: NOTICE: HE SAID THAT HE CARED FOR THEM LIKE SISTERS!!! NOTHING MORE!!! OK? SO KEEP YOUR EVIL FLAMES THAT SAY THAT THIS STORY IS A MARY SUE TO YOURSELVES!!! Thank you. Now back to your regular programming.)
"Fine," Lauren huffed. "We'll go ask Aragorn. He'll let us stay and fight."
"No he won't," said a voice. We groaned and turned around to see Aragorn standing right behind us. "You know, that's really annoying," I told him.
"I am a Ranger. I can be as quiet as a mouse and sneak up on unsuspecting people," he said with a smile. Then he became serious. "I have to agree with Legolas. You must not stay here. Do not try to argue, Laura." He held up his hand as I opened my mouth.
"Just for a few minutes?"
"No."
"Phooey." I grabbed Lauren's hand and started leading her towards the caverns. Once we were out of sight, we dodged into a broom closet. (Okay, so maybe it was an empty hall, but deal with it, ok?)
We listened as Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and Theoden all walked by towards the armory. I looked at Lauren. "Teehee! We're gonna fight at Helm's Deep!"
"Yay!" Okay, so it didn't even occur to us that we may be killed, but cut us some slack. We aren't the brightest crayons in the bucket... hold on...
After about half an hour of playing hand games, we made our way down to the armory. Quickly we picked out some helmets, chest-plates and wrist thingies. (A/N: I can't remember what they're called... you know, those things that belonged to Boromir that Aragorn puts on at the end of FOTR. Yeah, those!)
"Don't forget to put your hair up," Lauren told me.
We tiptoed out of the armory and ran back up to the wall where the fighting would start. We silently edged in between two Elves. I looked up at the one next to me. MA-HA!!!! IT WAS HALDIR!!!
I tugged on Lauren's sleeve. "What?" she hissed.
"Meep!" I pointed to Haldir, who was on my right.
"Haha! Looks like we ran into your lover boy!" she said happily. I "accidentally" smashed her toe with my foot. Haldir looked at us.
"Hello," I said in a deep voice (which I hoped sounded like a young man's).
"Hello... do I know you?"
"No. No you definitely do not," I said a little too quickly.
"Indeed." I grinned like an idiot and nodded vigorously. He raised his eyebrow, then turned back and watched as the big-ass army of orcs came up to the walls of the fort.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yay, a semi-long chapter! Woohoo... erm... not...
Anyhap, this is a semi-cliffy... kind of... not really... have you noticed how I like putting three dots after all my sentences in this ending part of all my chapters?... HOOHA! Like that!... AND THAT!... Okay I'm done... NOT! ^_^
Please review! Next chapter will be... DUN DUN DUN!!!! The battle of Helm's Deep!
P.S. Some of the random crap I put in this chapter come from the books "Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging" and "On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God" by Louise Rennison. You should read 'em some time... they're really good!!! Okay, shutting up now...