I don't own LOTR, blady blah blippity boop... Oh, BTW, I'm gonna start
writing this whole thing in my POV, because I'm sick and tired of trying to
think like intelligent people (i.e. Aragorn, Legolas, Lauren, and everyone
else that isn't me... besides Boromir, but he's dead, so it don't matter
none).
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 7: Squeeze Me!
"Pbbbt pbbt pbt pbbbt pbbt pbbbt pbbt pbbbt pbbbbbbbbt!" I said oh-so talkatively. I was "singing" the Star Wars theme... okay, so I was raspberry-ing the theme. Big difference.
Legolas looked over at me from his horse. (We were on our way to Isengard.) "What in the name of the Valar are you doing?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Why, my dear potato, I am simply reciting the anthem that all the citizens of Australiachinarussiaantarticapolis sing to me when I pass on my flying daisy," I told him in my would-be intelligent voice. (That is, if I HAD any intelligence, of course.) "They worship me, for I am the Mystic Foo Foo." He sighed and turned to talk to Aragorn, who he was riding next to.
"Hey, don't talk to the Mystik Foo Foo* in that tone!" I scolded him, and proceeded to whap him with my riding crop, which I had found in my fully supplied Backpack of Mightiness.
* Perhaps I should explain. Arighty, a couple of my friends and I invented a religion called Cow-Foo. I am The Mystik Foo Foo, Goddess of the Air, and I live on a cloud. And yes, it's supposed to be spelled with a k (the word Mystik, I mean).
"Hey Laura!" Lauren called to me from behind Aragorn.
"Yeah?"
"Do you have any food in your almighty backpack of allness, or whatever you call it?" she asked.
"Let me check, oh land-bound one." I took the bag off my back and unzipped it. I dug through and found a whole mess of stuff, including the smashed- up granola bar and... GASP!!!! A 3-MUSKETEERS BAR!!!!
"YESSSSS!!!" I screeched, which caused Duke to bolt. "NO DUKE!! WHOA!! *WHOA!!!*" After running around in a few circles, Duke decided that he was away from the danger and slowed back down to a walk. "Loopy-headed fool," I muttered. "HEY!! Where'd my candy go!?" I looked behind me and groaned as a horse stepped on it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
I leapt off of Duke and ran right in front of a horse, who happened to be bearing Eomer. "HALT, OH EQUINE-RIDING PERSON!" I yelled, holding up my hand.
"Equestrian!" Lauren corrected me from up ahead.
"My candy has been injured, and I must save it from an almost certain death." I lovingly picked up the candy bar and stuffed it in the pocket of my athletic pants. (I had found them in my backpack earlier that day.) "Thank you, friend coconut, for your patience. Cheers!" Then I ran and leapt back onto Duke's back and pulled the 3-Musketeers bar out of my pocket.
"Oh, lovely, wonderful, delicious, heavenly, delightful chocolate! How I have missed you!" I crooned. I then proceeded to rip open the wrapper and take a huge bite. "Mmmm, nougat-y goodness..."
"LAURA! You had candy and didn't tell me!?" Lauren wailed.
"*I* didn't even know I had it! Besides, it's a 3-Musketeers. You don't even like those!"
"Oh... well that sucks," she mumbled. I stuck my (chocolate-covered) tongue out at her.
"Ew," Legolas and Aragorn said together.
"You two are pathetic," I scolded. "You can whack an orc's head off without a second thought, yet you're disgusted by a little bit of chewed-up food." I sighed sadly, then spat out a piece of mud that had gotten on the holy candy bar when it had been stepped on. "Pbbbt! Stupid mud."
*******
We rode for several more hours until it was dearly dark. Only THEN did the almighty Chipmunk King decide that we should stop for the night. (Smart one, ain't he?)
I sat around the fire with my loyal worshippers: Lauren, Aragorn (who I now called Acorn just because I felt like it), Gimli, and Legolas.
Of course, I was bored again. So I decided to dig through my backpack, because every time I did so, I found something new. On this happy occasion, I found a dog squeaky toy; it hadn't ever been given to my dog, however, and still had the little sticker that said "Squeeze Me" on it.
"Yay! Sticker!" I cried happily, and stuck the sticker on my shirt. "Hey Leggy!"
"What?" he asked through a mouthful of lembas (which he ate instead of bunny stew, being the odd elf that he is). I pointed to my sticker. He leaned forward. "Squeeze Me?"
"If you insist!" I gave him a bone-crushing bear hug.
"Ow! Ow! Laura, get off of me! Aragorn-!"
"He meant Acorn!"
"-get her off of me!"
"Leggy, I cannot believe you! You have a beautiful woman-" Lauren snorted, "-hugging you, yet you're begging Acorn to pull me off! I think you have some serious relationship issues, my dear sparkle-king." I grinned at him, then turned to Lauren, who was still laughing. "Lauren, dear, is it bad if an elf turns purple?" I gestured with my head towards Legolas' face, which was a deep color.
"No, Laura. I would call that maroon... or maybe pink. Lavender? No, it's too red. Hmmm... Let's just stick with purple. And yes, I do think it's bad."
"Oh, okay." I let go of Legolas and he gasped for air.
"Heheh. Laura, I just got an idea," Lauren said across the campfire.
"Yes, dear Watson?"
"We should call Leggy... WAFFLE BOY."
"Why waffle boy?"
"You know, like 'Leggo-my-Eggo?'"
I pondered this for a moment. "I am so proud to know an intelligent life form such as yourself, Prometheus. Yes, from now on, my dear Elf, you shall be known as Waffle Boy." Legolas groaned.
"Why do I have so many nicknames?"
"Because you're special," I told him.
"Dur!" Lauren added in her intelligent voice.
"And because you look like a girl," I added.
"I beg your pardon!" he huffed.
"Waffle Boy, it's the hair! I mean, sure, most elves-"
"All elves," he corrected me.
"-have hair like yours, but you've got to admit, normal people don't have hair like that."
"Laura," he told me, "you have long blonde hair, and you are far from normal."
"Yes, but that's different," I told him.
"How so?"
"1. I'm a girl, 2. I'm an American, and C. I have Caller ID on my tellyfone," I explained.
"Uh-huh..." For some reason, Waffle boy didn't seem convinced.
"Legolas, admit it. You're just jealous that the voices only talk to me."
"Oh, yes, Laura. I must admit it. I am jealous of you," he said sarcastically.
"I know you are. You know what, Lauren?" I asked, sidling over to her.
"Yes, Blondie?"
"I wish I had cool eyebrows like Elrond." In case you hadn't noticed already, I love changing the subject at random times.
Lauren chortled (heheh I love that word). "Laura, you hardly have any eyebrows at all!" she said, gesturing to them.
"Oh my gawd. Yes I do, you bi-atch. They're just really blonde!" I argued.
"Suuuuuuure... ow!" I had whacked her with my riding crop. "Laura, are you going to become a dominatrix when you grow up? OWEE!"
"Take that, you undersized Tellitubby! Pbbbt! I grow annoyed with you! Be gone, by my mystik Foo Foo powers!" I commanded, flicking the whip in her face. "Or not... Right then. I'll just go over here." I stood up and walked over to where I was going to sleep, taking my backpack with me to use as a pillow.
"Waffle boy?" I called a few minutes later. No answer. "Waffle boy? Waaaaaaffle boooooooooy!"
"I will not answer to that name," he said with his back turned to me.
"Too bad that you just did. But that's not the point. Leggy?"
He sighed. "What."
"Can I use your blankie?" I asked in a baby voice.
"No."
"Why not? You don't need it. You're an elf! Elves don't get cold like us poor, pathetic human-type people do!" I whined.
He groaned and chucked his blanket at me. "Here. Now shut up and go to sleep."
I cuddled under the blanket. "Okies. Good night, my beautiful people!" And with that I pulled the blanket over my head. Mmmm... Eau de Legolas...
*******
"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!" someone said as they jumped on top of me.
"OOF! Lauren, must you always wake me in such a fashion?" I asked grumpily.
"Hrm... lemme think... Yes!" she cried happily. "Come ON! We're gonna get to Isengard later today!" she said excitedly.
I leapt up. "Yay! We get to see the big Ent-type people!" We danced around in circles. "We're gon-na see e-ents! We're gon-na see the e- ents!" (A/N: I LOVED Treebeard in TTT! He was so big and sweet! Like a giant wooden teddy bear shaped like a tree!)
"Will you two please stop that? It's quite annoying," Legolas growled.
"Pbbbt to you, you big lummox," Lauren muttered.
"AND we're gonna see an Ent," I told him.
"How do you know?"
"I am the Mystik Foo Foo. I know all," I said, putting my fingers to my temples. "Ohm... ohm... and the Ent's name shall be... Treebeard."
Legolas sighed. "If you insist..."
"Which I do."
"That's truly fascinating, Laura, but now we hafta go get on the purdy horsies," Lauren told me.
"Okies. DUKE, GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE!!" I bellowed. Duke came obediently trotting up to me. "Everyone loves the Mystik Foo Foo!" I said happily. Duke nuzzled my hand, and I gave him a piece of sugar I had found in one of the tents. (Heheh, snooping is fun.)
*******
Many many many many MANY hours later (six, to be exact), we reached the gates to Isengard. Orthanc (the name of the tower, for all of you people who can't remember what they had for breakfast) was actually very far in. I was sad. No trees. Anywhere.
"They could have at LEAST made paper out of the trees, but nooooo, they had to waste valuable natural resources! Don't they know about over- forestation around here!?" I complained.
"Laura."
"Yes, Watson?"
"Shut up."
"Okay. Hey lookie. Little kids. Ohmygosh, they're so cute!!" I started to trot so I'd catch up with Gandalf at the front of the line. Legolas and Aragorn also nudged their horses into a trot.
As we approached the kids, I saw that one was asleep. They looked awfully familiar... The one that wasn't sleeping popped up to greet us.
"Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!" he said in a would-be big person voice. "We are the door-wardens, Meriadoc, son of Saradoc is my name; and my companion, who, alas, is overcome with weariness-" here he kicked the other and the second little man rose from his sleep. "-Is Peregrin son of Paladin, of the house of Took. Far in the North is our home. The Lord Saruman is within; but at the moment he is closeted with one Wormtongue, or, doubtless he would be here to welcome such honorable guests."
"Wait a second," I said. "Meriadoc? Peregrin?" I gasped. "MERRY!!! PIP- PIP!!!" I jumped off my horse and flung myself on them. "OOOOOOOOOOH I missed you guys!!!" I said, hugging them. They both blushed a deep red, but they hugged me back (not as hard, of course).
"Laura, don't kill them," Legolas warned.
"Oh... right." I straightened myself and looked at them. "You got big!" I said stupidly. It was true. They used to only come to my waist, but now they were almost six inches taller.
"Yes. You see, Ents don't eat. Instead, they drink some kind of liquid," Pippin explained.
"Ah, so you've drunk the waters of the Ents?" Legolas said in his I'm-a- wise-elf sort of voice. "Yes, blah blah blah..."
"That's truly fascinating, Waffle Boy," Lauren cut in, obviously not hearing a word he said (heheh, neither did I), "but I'm hungry and I crave sugar. So, Laura and I are off to find some foodstuffs." She grabbed my hand and led me away.
"Where are we going, Mommy?" I asked.
"To the doctor," she said, pointing towards the tower.
"NO MOMMY!!!" I screamed. "HE'LL GIVE ME SHOTS!! Oooh, look. Apples!" I pointed to a lone tree that was literally sagging with ripe apples.
"Yummy!" we both exclaimed. We ran to the tree and picked as many apples as we could carry and took them back to the others, who were now sitting around on an abandoned barrack.
"Greetings, fellow breakfast foods!" I called, and dropped all the apples on the ground. "We have brought back sweet-tasting food. Eat up!" I picked up the largest apple and was about to sink my teeth into its juicy goodness when someone batted it out of my hands. "Hey, what gives!?" I said angrily to Acorn, who had taken the apple.
"We don't know if those apples have been poisoned or not," he explained, picking them all up. "Don't eat any food you find." He walked down to the edge of the water (A/N: remember, the ents flooded the area surrounding Orthanc) and tossed all of the yummy redness into the disgusting filth.
"Nooo! My apples!" Lauren and I wailed. "Meany Acorn!"
"I'm sorry. Why don't you eat some bread?" he asked, holding up a loaf. I took a piece and looked at it.
"Oh, look, Lauren! MOLD! My favorite kind!" I said enthusiastically. "NOT!" I chucked the slice of bread into the water. "Do we have any meat?"
"Yes! As a matter of fact, we do!" Merry said, handing me something hard, brown and dry.
I gasped. "JERKY!!!" Okay, I should tell you right now that I LOVE jerky. It's so good. Especially Slim Jims. Mmmm...
I shoved the jerky into my mouth and savored the taste. "I love jerky..." I said, chewing it slowly. Aragorn smiled and shook his head.
"I'm surprised. Not many people actually like dried meat."
"Well, I'm one of those few freaks. Lauren, well, she doesn't like jerky, but she's a freak," I said, realizing that Lauren had nothing to do with the conversation. "Wait a sec. Where are the horses?"
"They're all grazing. Don't worry, Laura," Legolas said. "Arod and Duke have become pretty good friends."
"I looked over to where the horses were standing in a big group. Two in particular caught my eye, mostly because they were rearing and biting at each other. One was chestnut brown, and the other was gray.
I rolled my eyes and looked at Legolas. "Oh yeah, they're just all buddy- buddy, aren't they?" I said sarcastically, pointing. Legolas leapt up and sprinted over to the herd.
"LA-HU-SER!" I called after him.
Hrm... this is an awkward ending...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*Starts raspberry-ing the Star Wars theme again* Pbbbt pbbt pbt pbbt pbbbt pbbt pbbbt pbbt pbbbbbbbt!!!... Oh, hello there! Well, I hope you liked this chapter. It took me two hours to write. So be happy. BOW TO THE ALMIGHTY MYSTIK FOO FOO, OH LAND-BOUND CREATURE!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 7: Squeeze Me!
"Pbbbt pbbt pbt pbbbt pbbt pbbbt pbbt pbbbt pbbbbbbbbt!" I said oh-so talkatively. I was "singing" the Star Wars theme... okay, so I was raspberry-ing the theme. Big difference.
Legolas looked over at me from his horse. (We were on our way to Isengard.) "What in the name of the Valar are you doing?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Why, my dear potato, I am simply reciting the anthem that all the citizens of Australiachinarussiaantarticapolis sing to me when I pass on my flying daisy," I told him in my would-be intelligent voice. (That is, if I HAD any intelligence, of course.) "They worship me, for I am the Mystic Foo Foo." He sighed and turned to talk to Aragorn, who he was riding next to.
"Hey, don't talk to the Mystik Foo Foo* in that tone!" I scolded him, and proceeded to whap him with my riding crop, which I had found in my fully supplied Backpack of Mightiness.
* Perhaps I should explain. Arighty, a couple of my friends and I invented a religion called Cow-Foo. I am The Mystik Foo Foo, Goddess of the Air, and I live on a cloud. And yes, it's supposed to be spelled with a k (the word Mystik, I mean).
"Hey Laura!" Lauren called to me from behind Aragorn.
"Yeah?"
"Do you have any food in your almighty backpack of allness, or whatever you call it?" she asked.
"Let me check, oh land-bound one." I took the bag off my back and unzipped it. I dug through and found a whole mess of stuff, including the smashed- up granola bar and... GASP!!!! A 3-MUSKETEERS BAR!!!!
"YESSSSS!!!" I screeched, which caused Duke to bolt. "NO DUKE!! WHOA!! *WHOA!!!*" After running around in a few circles, Duke decided that he was away from the danger and slowed back down to a walk. "Loopy-headed fool," I muttered. "HEY!! Where'd my candy go!?" I looked behind me and groaned as a horse stepped on it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
I leapt off of Duke and ran right in front of a horse, who happened to be bearing Eomer. "HALT, OH EQUINE-RIDING PERSON!" I yelled, holding up my hand.
"Equestrian!" Lauren corrected me from up ahead.
"My candy has been injured, and I must save it from an almost certain death." I lovingly picked up the candy bar and stuffed it in the pocket of my athletic pants. (I had found them in my backpack earlier that day.) "Thank you, friend coconut, for your patience. Cheers!" Then I ran and leapt back onto Duke's back and pulled the 3-Musketeers bar out of my pocket.
"Oh, lovely, wonderful, delicious, heavenly, delightful chocolate! How I have missed you!" I crooned. I then proceeded to rip open the wrapper and take a huge bite. "Mmmm, nougat-y goodness..."
"LAURA! You had candy and didn't tell me!?" Lauren wailed.
"*I* didn't even know I had it! Besides, it's a 3-Musketeers. You don't even like those!"
"Oh... well that sucks," she mumbled. I stuck my (chocolate-covered) tongue out at her.
"Ew," Legolas and Aragorn said together.
"You two are pathetic," I scolded. "You can whack an orc's head off without a second thought, yet you're disgusted by a little bit of chewed-up food." I sighed sadly, then spat out a piece of mud that had gotten on the holy candy bar when it had been stepped on. "Pbbbt! Stupid mud."
*******
We rode for several more hours until it was dearly dark. Only THEN did the almighty Chipmunk King decide that we should stop for the night. (Smart one, ain't he?)
I sat around the fire with my loyal worshippers: Lauren, Aragorn (who I now called Acorn just because I felt like it), Gimli, and Legolas.
Of course, I was bored again. So I decided to dig through my backpack, because every time I did so, I found something new. On this happy occasion, I found a dog squeaky toy; it hadn't ever been given to my dog, however, and still had the little sticker that said "Squeeze Me" on it.
"Yay! Sticker!" I cried happily, and stuck the sticker on my shirt. "Hey Leggy!"
"What?" he asked through a mouthful of lembas (which he ate instead of bunny stew, being the odd elf that he is). I pointed to my sticker. He leaned forward. "Squeeze Me?"
"If you insist!" I gave him a bone-crushing bear hug.
"Ow! Ow! Laura, get off of me! Aragorn-!"
"He meant Acorn!"
"-get her off of me!"
"Leggy, I cannot believe you! You have a beautiful woman-" Lauren snorted, "-hugging you, yet you're begging Acorn to pull me off! I think you have some serious relationship issues, my dear sparkle-king." I grinned at him, then turned to Lauren, who was still laughing. "Lauren, dear, is it bad if an elf turns purple?" I gestured with my head towards Legolas' face, which was a deep color.
"No, Laura. I would call that maroon... or maybe pink. Lavender? No, it's too red. Hmmm... Let's just stick with purple. And yes, I do think it's bad."
"Oh, okay." I let go of Legolas and he gasped for air.
"Heheh. Laura, I just got an idea," Lauren said across the campfire.
"Yes, dear Watson?"
"We should call Leggy... WAFFLE BOY."
"Why waffle boy?"
"You know, like 'Leggo-my-Eggo?'"
I pondered this for a moment. "I am so proud to know an intelligent life form such as yourself, Prometheus. Yes, from now on, my dear Elf, you shall be known as Waffle Boy." Legolas groaned.
"Why do I have so many nicknames?"
"Because you're special," I told him.
"Dur!" Lauren added in her intelligent voice.
"And because you look like a girl," I added.
"I beg your pardon!" he huffed.
"Waffle Boy, it's the hair! I mean, sure, most elves-"
"All elves," he corrected me.
"-have hair like yours, but you've got to admit, normal people don't have hair like that."
"Laura," he told me, "you have long blonde hair, and you are far from normal."
"Yes, but that's different," I told him.
"How so?"
"1. I'm a girl, 2. I'm an American, and C. I have Caller ID on my tellyfone," I explained.
"Uh-huh..." For some reason, Waffle boy didn't seem convinced.
"Legolas, admit it. You're just jealous that the voices only talk to me."
"Oh, yes, Laura. I must admit it. I am jealous of you," he said sarcastically.
"I know you are. You know what, Lauren?" I asked, sidling over to her.
"Yes, Blondie?"
"I wish I had cool eyebrows like Elrond." In case you hadn't noticed already, I love changing the subject at random times.
Lauren chortled (heheh I love that word). "Laura, you hardly have any eyebrows at all!" she said, gesturing to them.
"Oh my gawd. Yes I do, you bi-atch. They're just really blonde!" I argued.
"Suuuuuuure... ow!" I had whacked her with my riding crop. "Laura, are you going to become a dominatrix when you grow up? OWEE!"
"Take that, you undersized Tellitubby! Pbbbt! I grow annoyed with you! Be gone, by my mystik Foo Foo powers!" I commanded, flicking the whip in her face. "Or not... Right then. I'll just go over here." I stood up and walked over to where I was going to sleep, taking my backpack with me to use as a pillow.
"Waffle boy?" I called a few minutes later. No answer. "Waffle boy? Waaaaaaffle boooooooooy!"
"I will not answer to that name," he said with his back turned to me.
"Too bad that you just did. But that's not the point. Leggy?"
He sighed. "What."
"Can I use your blankie?" I asked in a baby voice.
"No."
"Why not? You don't need it. You're an elf! Elves don't get cold like us poor, pathetic human-type people do!" I whined.
He groaned and chucked his blanket at me. "Here. Now shut up and go to sleep."
I cuddled under the blanket. "Okies. Good night, my beautiful people!" And with that I pulled the blanket over my head. Mmmm... Eau de Legolas...
*******
"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!" someone said as they jumped on top of me.
"OOF! Lauren, must you always wake me in such a fashion?" I asked grumpily.
"Hrm... lemme think... Yes!" she cried happily. "Come ON! We're gonna get to Isengard later today!" she said excitedly.
I leapt up. "Yay! We get to see the big Ent-type people!" We danced around in circles. "We're gon-na see e-ents! We're gon-na see the e- ents!" (A/N: I LOVED Treebeard in TTT! He was so big and sweet! Like a giant wooden teddy bear shaped like a tree!)
"Will you two please stop that? It's quite annoying," Legolas growled.
"Pbbbt to you, you big lummox," Lauren muttered.
"AND we're gonna see an Ent," I told him.
"How do you know?"
"I am the Mystik Foo Foo. I know all," I said, putting my fingers to my temples. "Ohm... ohm... and the Ent's name shall be... Treebeard."
Legolas sighed. "If you insist..."
"Which I do."
"That's truly fascinating, Laura, but now we hafta go get on the purdy horsies," Lauren told me.
"Okies. DUKE, GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE!!" I bellowed. Duke came obediently trotting up to me. "Everyone loves the Mystik Foo Foo!" I said happily. Duke nuzzled my hand, and I gave him a piece of sugar I had found in one of the tents. (Heheh, snooping is fun.)
*******
Many many many many MANY hours later (six, to be exact), we reached the gates to Isengard. Orthanc (the name of the tower, for all of you people who can't remember what they had for breakfast) was actually very far in. I was sad. No trees. Anywhere.
"They could have at LEAST made paper out of the trees, but nooooo, they had to waste valuable natural resources! Don't they know about over- forestation around here!?" I complained.
"Laura."
"Yes, Watson?"
"Shut up."
"Okay. Hey lookie. Little kids. Ohmygosh, they're so cute!!" I started to trot so I'd catch up with Gandalf at the front of the line. Legolas and Aragorn also nudged their horses into a trot.
As we approached the kids, I saw that one was asleep. They looked awfully familiar... The one that wasn't sleeping popped up to greet us.
"Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!" he said in a would-be big person voice. "We are the door-wardens, Meriadoc, son of Saradoc is my name; and my companion, who, alas, is overcome with weariness-" here he kicked the other and the second little man rose from his sleep. "-Is Peregrin son of Paladin, of the house of Took. Far in the North is our home. The Lord Saruman is within; but at the moment he is closeted with one Wormtongue, or, doubtless he would be here to welcome such honorable guests."
"Wait a second," I said. "Meriadoc? Peregrin?" I gasped. "MERRY!!! PIP- PIP!!!" I jumped off my horse and flung myself on them. "OOOOOOOOOOH I missed you guys!!!" I said, hugging them. They both blushed a deep red, but they hugged me back (not as hard, of course).
"Laura, don't kill them," Legolas warned.
"Oh... right." I straightened myself and looked at them. "You got big!" I said stupidly. It was true. They used to only come to my waist, but now they were almost six inches taller.
"Yes. You see, Ents don't eat. Instead, they drink some kind of liquid," Pippin explained.
"Ah, so you've drunk the waters of the Ents?" Legolas said in his I'm-a- wise-elf sort of voice. "Yes, blah blah blah..."
"That's truly fascinating, Waffle Boy," Lauren cut in, obviously not hearing a word he said (heheh, neither did I), "but I'm hungry and I crave sugar. So, Laura and I are off to find some foodstuffs." She grabbed my hand and led me away.
"Where are we going, Mommy?" I asked.
"To the doctor," she said, pointing towards the tower.
"NO MOMMY!!!" I screamed. "HE'LL GIVE ME SHOTS!! Oooh, look. Apples!" I pointed to a lone tree that was literally sagging with ripe apples.
"Yummy!" we both exclaimed. We ran to the tree and picked as many apples as we could carry and took them back to the others, who were now sitting around on an abandoned barrack.
"Greetings, fellow breakfast foods!" I called, and dropped all the apples on the ground. "We have brought back sweet-tasting food. Eat up!" I picked up the largest apple and was about to sink my teeth into its juicy goodness when someone batted it out of my hands. "Hey, what gives!?" I said angrily to Acorn, who had taken the apple.
"We don't know if those apples have been poisoned or not," he explained, picking them all up. "Don't eat any food you find." He walked down to the edge of the water (A/N: remember, the ents flooded the area surrounding Orthanc) and tossed all of the yummy redness into the disgusting filth.
"Nooo! My apples!" Lauren and I wailed. "Meany Acorn!"
"I'm sorry. Why don't you eat some bread?" he asked, holding up a loaf. I took a piece and looked at it.
"Oh, look, Lauren! MOLD! My favorite kind!" I said enthusiastically. "NOT!" I chucked the slice of bread into the water. "Do we have any meat?"
"Yes! As a matter of fact, we do!" Merry said, handing me something hard, brown and dry.
I gasped. "JERKY!!!" Okay, I should tell you right now that I LOVE jerky. It's so good. Especially Slim Jims. Mmmm...
I shoved the jerky into my mouth and savored the taste. "I love jerky..." I said, chewing it slowly. Aragorn smiled and shook his head.
"I'm surprised. Not many people actually like dried meat."
"Well, I'm one of those few freaks. Lauren, well, she doesn't like jerky, but she's a freak," I said, realizing that Lauren had nothing to do with the conversation. "Wait a sec. Where are the horses?"
"They're all grazing. Don't worry, Laura," Legolas said. "Arod and Duke have become pretty good friends."
"I looked over to where the horses were standing in a big group. Two in particular caught my eye, mostly because they were rearing and biting at each other. One was chestnut brown, and the other was gray.
I rolled my eyes and looked at Legolas. "Oh yeah, they're just all buddy- buddy, aren't they?" I said sarcastically, pointing. Legolas leapt up and sprinted over to the herd.
"LA-HU-SER!" I called after him.
Hrm... this is an awkward ending...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*Starts raspberry-ing the Star Wars theme again* Pbbbt pbbt pbt pbbt pbbbt pbbt pbbbt pbbt pbbbbbbbt!!!... Oh, hello there! Well, I hope you liked this chapter. It took me two hours to write. So be happy. BOW TO THE ALMIGHTY MYSTIK FOO FOO, OH LAND-BOUND CREATURE!!!