I don't own LOTR, blady blah blippity boop... Oh, BTW, I'm gonna start
writing this whole thing in my POV, because I'm sick and tired of trying to
think like intelligent people (i.e. Aragorn, Legolas, Lauren, and everyone
else that isn't me... besides Boromir, but he's dead, so it don't matter
none).
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 8: Snogging is good for your health
"Da da dum da da da da dum... da da da da DUM dee da da da da..." Lauren was sitting next to me, singing the Jeopardy theme. All of us (me, Lauren, Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Gimli, and Legolas) were sitting around a fire that they had built on the barrack.
I sighed a sighful sigh.
"Must you always sing the theme songs to game shows?" I asked. Lauren nodded vigorously.
"Of course, Blondie. I wouldn't be me if I didn't sing game show themes."
"You wouldn't be you if I ripped your head off like I'm about to do," I threatened. She got the point and shut up.
"You two are so evil to each other," Legolas commented.
"We know," I told him. "But you see, in our NON-PRIMITIVE WORLD" -he growled- "friends are always threatening each other. It's an endearment. But you wouldn't understand, dear crumpet, because you are an elf."
"What does my being an elf have anything to do with it?"
"Elves are 'perfect'," I said, making quotation marks with my fingers. "You see, you... hold on a sec... I forget where I was going with this..." I stopped and put my chin in my hand. Legolas shook his head, a sorrowful look on his face.
"I pity anyone that really and truly listens to you," he said.
"That's nice, Puff," Lauren said, poking the fire with a twig that she conjured up somehow. She sighed. "I need a bath," she whined.
I leaned over and sniffed. "Phew, Lulu (my new nickname for her), you sure as hell do!" I said, waving my hand in front of my nose. "But then again, so do I. Ah well. Being dirty is fun!" I scooped up some mud and put little lines under my eyes like a football player. "See? At home, if we did this, our moms would be on us like a tiger on a rotting deer."
"That's a nice analogy, Laura," Elf boy said, wrinkling his nose.
"I know. I have wonderful logic." I stood up to stretch.
"Ari?" Lauren asked.
"Yes Lauren."
"Where can we have a bath? I mean, other than the lake," she said, seeing that he was about to suggest that.
"I'm not sure there is any place to bathe. Plus, you're surrounded by men. I doubt you would want to take a bath out in the lake anyway," Acorn explained.
I sniffed. "Do you people even know what a bathtub is?"
"Of course we do!" Legolas huffed. "What do you take us for, heathens?"
"Well, in your case, Lego, yes, I'd say so." I grinned at his astonished look. "C'mon, Waffle boy, don't look at me like that. You know you love me!" I plopped down on the ground next to him, still chattering away. "Meeper confirgit zeep ding boing froop," I said in the Bloopish language (A/N: LOL Missy and Kayla... sorry, inside joke). He raised an eyebrow.
"I'm suddenly ever regretting going to that council a few months ago," he muttered.
I got tired of hearing he and Aragorn yak on about stuff after a few minutes, so I jumped up. "C'mon, Lauren! We're going swimming," I announced.
"We are?" she asked, her mouth full of bread.
"Yes we are. Come on, Watson." I grabbed her hand and pulled her up.
"We don't have bathing suits, oh one of much intelligence," she said, following me along the shore of the Ent-made lake.
"That's where you're wrong. Just grab your extra clothes and come on." I picked up the Backpack of Mightiness and slung it over my shoulder.
We walked for a few minutes out of site of the rest of the men. I looked around, pretending I knew where we were going.
"Aha!" I said intelligently. "This is the perfect spot." I pointed to the ground we were standing on.
"And remind me again why we brought our extra tunics," Lauren grumbled.
"Because, friend termite, we are going to wash our clothes!" I said grandly.
"Right... and how do you propose we do this, since we don't have any soap?"
"That's where you're wrong." I dug into my backpack and pulled out a bottle of body wash and a bar of Dove brand soap.
"Laura, I think I love you," she cried, flinging her arms around my neck.
"...Eh?" I said.
"In a friendly way, of course."
"Ah, ok. Yes... moving right along..." I ran into the water and dived under the surface when it was up to my waist, then swam around in circles for a minute. I popped back out and grinned at Lauren, water dripping down my nose. "Come on in! The water's fine!"
"Meh..." She tiptoed into the shallow part of the water and sat down, then began splashing water onto her arms and back.
"No, doofus! You hafta come out here!" I told her as if this were obvious... which it was.
"But LOOK at this water!" she complained. "It's disgusting."
"I'd rather swim in dirty water than not swim at all," I said simply. "You're such a baby. Toss me the body wash... I need to wash my hair." She chucked it to me, and I caught it, using my fantastic softball reflexes. (Hahah... NOT.)
"Yes!! Yes!! Oh yes!!" I cried, imitating the Herbal Essences commercial. Lauren just sat and stared at me.
"You are so odd," she muttered, although it was loud enough for me to hear.
"I know. Damn proud of it, too!" I said, ducking under water so that the body wash would rinse out. When I surfaced again, Lauren had walked in far enough that the water was to her knees.
"Gimme the body wash," she demanded.
"Of course, Lulu." I tossed it to her, then started to just fool around. I grinned as a big empty crate floated by. "Yay!" I hopped inside of it and started paddling with my arms back towards where everyone was sitting.
Legolas was the first to notice me. He watched with a bemused grin and a quirked eyebrow as I came up to the edge of the water in my little boat. "AHOY, MATEY!" I yelled, scaring the bejesus out of Aragorn, who had his back to the water. "How be the fishing in these parts?" I asked with a pirate accent.
Merry and Pippin started to laugh when they saw that I was soaking wet, and even Mr. I'm-a-serious-ranger smiled.
"I told you we were going swimming," I said haughtily.
"That you did," Acorn replied. "Where did the crate come from?"
"I found it."
"Where?"
"It was floating in the water."
"Bu-"
"Sorry, King of Filth, but I must be headed back to my own lands now. Toodle-loo!" I spun the crate around and paddled back to where Lauren was. When I got back she had already finished washing, and was beginning to clean her clothes with the Dove soap.
"So, Lulu, are you having fun?" I asked before tumbling out of the crate. I honestly don't know how I prevented it from capsizing before.
"Yes ma'am," she said happily. "We're gonna have the cleanest clothes around."
"And we're gonna be the cleanest people around," I added as I walked towards the shore. I looked at her pile of soggy clothes. "Erm, Lauren?"
"Yes, oh great Mystik Foo Foo?"
"Don't tell me you forgot to keep one set of dry clothes." She looked down at her pile.
"SHIT!!!" she yelled. "You gotta let me borrow a set, Laura, please!" she pleaded.
"Oh fine. But tomorrow you get to clean them for me," I told her.
"Okay."
"On second thought, you can just clean all my clothes as a payment." I grabbed one of my other three sets of (dry) clothes and walked away behind a pile of debris to change. I quickly stripped down, checking every few seconds to make sure no one was coming. Suddenly-
"Mew!"
"AAAAAHHH!!!!" I ran out from behind the pile, my shirt only halfway buttoned. "OH MY GOD!!!!"
"What the hell is wrong with you, Laura?" Lauren asked, looking grumpily at my dry clothes.
"Someone... was watching... change..." I panted.
"Huh?"
"Someone was watching me change, ignoranti!" I yelled.
"What the?" She stood up and looked behind the pile of debris as I finished buttoning my shirt.
She came out laughing. "Laura, you goose! Here's your Peeping Tom!" She held up a small orange kitten.
"KITTY!" I screamed. (Think Boo from the movie "Monsters, Inc.") I lunged at her and grabbed the kitten, cuddling it to my face. "He's so PRECIOUS!" I cried happily, listening to it purr.
"I found him," Lauren declared. "I claim him."
"Nuh-uh. He was spying on ME," I argued.
"My kitty!"
"Mine!"
"You have a horse!"
"You have a... erm..." I couldn't think of anything. "Fine. Take the stupid feline. See if I care." I stomped back to where Legolas & Co. was sitting.
Legolas sniffed as I approached. "You smell like flowers," he commented.
"Good observation," I said. "I'm proud to know you."
"Where's Lauren?" Acorn asked. (Teehee, she'd be so excited that he asked about her.)
"She's still washing our clothes and playing with a kitten," I told him.
"Where on Middle-Earth did you find a kitten?" Merry said.
"Erm... well, to tell the truth, I found it while I was changing," I muttered, blushing. Everyone snickered. "Shut up."
Pippin looked interested. "When is she coming back?" he asked eagerly.
"Um... she's coming right now." I pointed. Lauren was walking towards us, a huge pile of clothing in her arms, with the kitten sitting happily on top of it. Aragorn stood up and helped her lay the clothes out flat on the ground. Actually, he didn't help her: he did it for her. Lauren was too busy showing her kitten to everyone to even be bothered.
"So what are you going to name it?" Pippin asked in his adorable Scottish accent.
"I think I'll call him... Arthur," she announced. I burst out laughing.
"ARTHUR?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!" I said seriously. (Honestly, I have a serious side somewhere inside of me.)
"What's wrong with Arthur?" How strange it is that she's defending a kitten...
I looked at her. "I dunno," I said, shrugging. "You don't usually see animals named Arthur."
"You have a bird named Albert," Lauren argued. Legolas chuckled.
"So? What's your point?" I asked hotly. "Albert is awesome! With his cute green body and his empty little red head!" I sighed happily as I remembered my cherry-headed macaw.
Lauren shook her head. "Never mind. Forget I said that." She sat down next to the fire with Arthur curled contentedly up in her lap.
********
~Later that evening...~
I was standing by the gates to Isengard, watching a group of people approach. It was a long line of people wearing cloaks; they looked like Elves. Could it perhaps be the same Elves that had fought at Helm's Deep? A name popped into my mind as I thought of the Lothlorien Elves.
Haldir.
I sighed wistfully, thinking about Haldir and how he could have been killed. (A/N: When he was killed in the movie, I was seriously pissed. HE DID NOT DIE IN THE BOOKS!!! DAMN YOU, PETER JACKSON!!!) Boy, was I glad he hadn't died. 'He's too hot to die,' I thought, grinning.
I shielded my eyes against the setting sun and watched the horsemen continue to approach. As they came closer, I spotted a familiar face near the front.
"Haldir!" I cried, running (gracefully) towards his horse. The elf halted and stared at me for a moment, then galloped his horse towards me.
I grinned in a very Mary Sue-ish way as Haldir dismounted and hugged me. "Mae govannen, mela nin*," he said softly into my ear. My heart skipped a beat as he said that. Then he looked deeply into my eyes. Mmm, yummy blue eyes... slightly scary, but still tres lovely nonetheless. "Shall we go for a walk?" he asked in a husky voice, pushing a stray lock of hair away from my face.
*Spelling? Psh, I don't care anymore. You all know what I meant. BTW, it means something like, "Well met, my love" in elvish... I think... Ah well screw it. I really don't care that much. I'm not an elvish expert, so don't give me crap, ok?
I was gobsmacked as a smacked gob. "Ekkay," I muttered, a bit dazed. He gestured to a nearby elf to take his horse, then took my hand in his and led me away. You have no idea how wonderful that was. We walked to the apple tree that Lauren and I had discovered. Except now the apples were heart-shaped. Ahhh...
We sat beneath it, talking about this and that. Suddenly, he leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. I grinned inwardly. Even if I hated Mary- sue fanfics, it sure as hell was fun to be one. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Mmm... the yumminess of elves would never cease to amaze me. Take that, you silly fangirls! I thought to myself. He pulled away, looking into my eyes.
"Laura...?"
"Hmm?"
"Laura!"
"Yes?"
"LAURA!!!" He pounced on me, still screaming my name.
"LAURA!!!" I woke with a start to have Lauren pounding me with her fists. "Get up!! It's morning."
I looked at my pillow, then at everyone surrounding me. Legolas and Aragorn were chuckling and shooting me amused looks.
"But- but-" I stammered. "Haldir? Snogging?* Apple tree?"
*This is the British term for kissing and/or making out.
Lauren looked at me piteously. "Poor, poor love-struck child. You were talking in your sleep... muttering something like, "Haldir, you have nice lips" or something of the sort." She stopped and looked thoughtful, then:
"You are now, no longer, the Mystik Foo Foo. Mary Sue, I shall call you: 'One who is obsessed with Haldir'... translated to the common tongue," she joked.
My bottom lip trembled. "YOU WOKE ME FROM THE BESTEST DREAM I'VE EVER HAD!!! I WAS SNOGGING WITH A HOTTIE-HOT HOT ELF DUDE!!! WHY, LAUREN!? WHY???" I wailed into her shirt, seriously upset.
"I really and truly pity Haldir," Legolas said. I could hear rather than see him smirk.
"Go to hell," I muttered, pouting.
"Hold on one sec, honey buns," Lauren said, flipping through an imaginary notebook. "Nope, sorry sweety. 'Go to hell' is not on Mr. Greenleaf's agenda. But I can fit you into it in about... oh let's see... a millennia or two. Does that work for you?"
"Oh stop playing secretary," I mumbled, burying myself under my blanket. "I want my elf."
"Since when is Haldir yours?" Legolas asked in an amused tone.
"Since I said so two seconds ago," I muttered.
"Riiight..."
"You're just jealous, Lego, that you can't have beautiful little me."
"Oh dear, Laura. You've found out my secret," he said sarcastically.
"Pbbbt!" I was never gonna hear the end of this one.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well, fellow elf worshippers, I'm finished for the next few days. I'm going to the FLORIDA KEYS for vacation! *does the crouton dance*
What? You've never heard of the crouton dance? My goodness. Well, it goes:
Jump, twirl, fall on your ass. REPEAT.
Ain't it original? I made it up all by myself. :-D
Oh, and if you were wondering, the reason I made myself obsessed with Haldir is because I wanted to not be infatuated with someone that I would have been around a lot. That probably made no sense whatsoever to you. But oh well. Basically, I figured that, since Haldir would be my second choice of a husband (elfwise), I'd just choose him instead of Lego. I dunno. It's hard to explain. But I feel that I'm doing the right thing. *feels all warm and fuzzy inside* And I'm sure that none of us Legolas fangirls would have any objection to snogging with the next best thing, right? ;-)
Also, the dream wasn't always that long. But I got bored at 9:45 on Thursday night, and I thought, Hell, I deserve some lovin', don't I? This chapter needed some spicin' up! X-D *dazed look* Snogginnggggg... *sighs and wishes that it could really happen... except with Legolas* Ahhhh...
Anyhap, I'm off to good ol' Florida! See you guys in about a week! I'm going to expect many many MANY reviews while I'm gone. Mwah! :-*
XOXOXO
Your favorite elf stalker,
Laura, the girl of many names
P.S. To Crystyna:
HAHAHAHA!!! I FOOLED YOU!!!! *cackles insanely*
Ah, sorry. Crystyna's mah buddy! Yay! *grins like an idiot* We talk about lots of stuff, like Orlando, Legolas, elves, hot guys, Orlando, Legolas, etc. ;-)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 8: Snogging is good for your health
"Da da dum da da da da dum... da da da da DUM dee da da da da..." Lauren was sitting next to me, singing the Jeopardy theme. All of us (me, Lauren, Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Gimli, and Legolas) were sitting around a fire that they had built on the barrack.
I sighed a sighful sigh.
"Must you always sing the theme songs to game shows?" I asked. Lauren nodded vigorously.
"Of course, Blondie. I wouldn't be me if I didn't sing game show themes."
"You wouldn't be you if I ripped your head off like I'm about to do," I threatened. She got the point and shut up.
"You two are so evil to each other," Legolas commented.
"We know," I told him. "But you see, in our NON-PRIMITIVE WORLD" -he growled- "friends are always threatening each other. It's an endearment. But you wouldn't understand, dear crumpet, because you are an elf."
"What does my being an elf have anything to do with it?"
"Elves are 'perfect'," I said, making quotation marks with my fingers. "You see, you... hold on a sec... I forget where I was going with this..." I stopped and put my chin in my hand. Legolas shook his head, a sorrowful look on his face.
"I pity anyone that really and truly listens to you," he said.
"That's nice, Puff," Lauren said, poking the fire with a twig that she conjured up somehow. She sighed. "I need a bath," she whined.
I leaned over and sniffed. "Phew, Lulu (my new nickname for her), you sure as hell do!" I said, waving my hand in front of my nose. "But then again, so do I. Ah well. Being dirty is fun!" I scooped up some mud and put little lines under my eyes like a football player. "See? At home, if we did this, our moms would be on us like a tiger on a rotting deer."
"That's a nice analogy, Laura," Elf boy said, wrinkling his nose.
"I know. I have wonderful logic." I stood up to stretch.
"Ari?" Lauren asked.
"Yes Lauren."
"Where can we have a bath? I mean, other than the lake," she said, seeing that he was about to suggest that.
"I'm not sure there is any place to bathe. Plus, you're surrounded by men. I doubt you would want to take a bath out in the lake anyway," Acorn explained.
I sniffed. "Do you people even know what a bathtub is?"
"Of course we do!" Legolas huffed. "What do you take us for, heathens?"
"Well, in your case, Lego, yes, I'd say so." I grinned at his astonished look. "C'mon, Waffle boy, don't look at me like that. You know you love me!" I plopped down on the ground next to him, still chattering away. "Meeper confirgit zeep ding boing froop," I said in the Bloopish language (A/N: LOL Missy and Kayla... sorry, inside joke). He raised an eyebrow.
"I'm suddenly ever regretting going to that council a few months ago," he muttered.
I got tired of hearing he and Aragorn yak on about stuff after a few minutes, so I jumped up. "C'mon, Lauren! We're going swimming," I announced.
"We are?" she asked, her mouth full of bread.
"Yes we are. Come on, Watson." I grabbed her hand and pulled her up.
"We don't have bathing suits, oh one of much intelligence," she said, following me along the shore of the Ent-made lake.
"That's where you're wrong. Just grab your extra clothes and come on." I picked up the Backpack of Mightiness and slung it over my shoulder.
We walked for a few minutes out of site of the rest of the men. I looked around, pretending I knew where we were going.
"Aha!" I said intelligently. "This is the perfect spot." I pointed to the ground we were standing on.
"And remind me again why we brought our extra tunics," Lauren grumbled.
"Because, friend termite, we are going to wash our clothes!" I said grandly.
"Right... and how do you propose we do this, since we don't have any soap?"
"That's where you're wrong." I dug into my backpack and pulled out a bottle of body wash and a bar of Dove brand soap.
"Laura, I think I love you," she cried, flinging her arms around my neck.
"...Eh?" I said.
"In a friendly way, of course."
"Ah, ok. Yes... moving right along..." I ran into the water and dived under the surface when it was up to my waist, then swam around in circles for a minute. I popped back out and grinned at Lauren, water dripping down my nose. "Come on in! The water's fine!"
"Meh..." She tiptoed into the shallow part of the water and sat down, then began splashing water onto her arms and back.
"No, doofus! You hafta come out here!" I told her as if this were obvious... which it was.
"But LOOK at this water!" she complained. "It's disgusting."
"I'd rather swim in dirty water than not swim at all," I said simply. "You're such a baby. Toss me the body wash... I need to wash my hair." She chucked it to me, and I caught it, using my fantastic softball reflexes. (Hahah... NOT.)
"Yes!! Yes!! Oh yes!!" I cried, imitating the Herbal Essences commercial. Lauren just sat and stared at me.
"You are so odd," she muttered, although it was loud enough for me to hear.
"I know. Damn proud of it, too!" I said, ducking under water so that the body wash would rinse out. When I surfaced again, Lauren had walked in far enough that the water was to her knees.
"Gimme the body wash," she demanded.
"Of course, Lulu." I tossed it to her, then started to just fool around. I grinned as a big empty crate floated by. "Yay!" I hopped inside of it and started paddling with my arms back towards where everyone was sitting.
Legolas was the first to notice me. He watched with a bemused grin and a quirked eyebrow as I came up to the edge of the water in my little boat. "AHOY, MATEY!" I yelled, scaring the bejesus out of Aragorn, who had his back to the water. "How be the fishing in these parts?" I asked with a pirate accent.
Merry and Pippin started to laugh when they saw that I was soaking wet, and even Mr. I'm-a-serious-ranger smiled.
"I told you we were going swimming," I said haughtily.
"That you did," Acorn replied. "Where did the crate come from?"
"I found it."
"Where?"
"It was floating in the water."
"Bu-"
"Sorry, King of Filth, but I must be headed back to my own lands now. Toodle-loo!" I spun the crate around and paddled back to where Lauren was. When I got back she had already finished washing, and was beginning to clean her clothes with the Dove soap.
"So, Lulu, are you having fun?" I asked before tumbling out of the crate. I honestly don't know how I prevented it from capsizing before.
"Yes ma'am," she said happily. "We're gonna have the cleanest clothes around."
"And we're gonna be the cleanest people around," I added as I walked towards the shore. I looked at her pile of soggy clothes. "Erm, Lauren?"
"Yes, oh great Mystik Foo Foo?"
"Don't tell me you forgot to keep one set of dry clothes." She looked down at her pile.
"SHIT!!!" she yelled. "You gotta let me borrow a set, Laura, please!" she pleaded.
"Oh fine. But tomorrow you get to clean them for me," I told her.
"Okay."
"On second thought, you can just clean all my clothes as a payment." I grabbed one of my other three sets of (dry) clothes and walked away behind a pile of debris to change. I quickly stripped down, checking every few seconds to make sure no one was coming. Suddenly-
"Mew!"
"AAAAAHHH!!!!" I ran out from behind the pile, my shirt only halfway buttoned. "OH MY GOD!!!!"
"What the hell is wrong with you, Laura?" Lauren asked, looking grumpily at my dry clothes.
"Someone... was watching... change..." I panted.
"Huh?"
"Someone was watching me change, ignoranti!" I yelled.
"What the?" She stood up and looked behind the pile of debris as I finished buttoning my shirt.
She came out laughing. "Laura, you goose! Here's your Peeping Tom!" She held up a small orange kitten.
"KITTY!" I screamed. (Think Boo from the movie "Monsters, Inc.") I lunged at her and grabbed the kitten, cuddling it to my face. "He's so PRECIOUS!" I cried happily, listening to it purr.
"I found him," Lauren declared. "I claim him."
"Nuh-uh. He was spying on ME," I argued.
"My kitty!"
"Mine!"
"You have a horse!"
"You have a... erm..." I couldn't think of anything. "Fine. Take the stupid feline. See if I care." I stomped back to where Legolas & Co. was sitting.
Legolas sniffed as I approached. "You smell like flowers," he commented.
"Good observation," I said. "I'm proud to know you."
"Where's Lauren?" Acorn asked. (Teehee, she'd be so excited that he asked about her.)
"She's still washing our clothes and playing with a kitten," I told him.
"Where on Middle-Earth did you find a kitten?" Merry said.
"Erm... well, to tell the truth, I found it while I was changing," I muttered, blushing. Everyone snickered. "Shut up."
Pippin looked interested. "When is she coming back?" he asked eagerly.
"Um... she's coming right now." I pointed. Lauren was walking towards us, a huge pile of clothing in her arms, with the kitten sitting happily on top of it. Aragorn stood up and helped her lay the clothes out flat on the ground. Actually, he didn't help her: he did it for her. Lauren was too busy showing her kitten to everyone to even be bothered.
"So what are you going to name it?" Pippin asked in his adorable Scottish accent.
"I think I'll call him... Arthur," she announced. I burst out laughing.
"ARTHUR?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!" I said seriously. (Honestly, I have a serious side somewhere inside of me.)
"What's wrong with Arthur?" How strange it is that she's defending a kitten...
I looked at her. "I dunno," I said, shrugging. "You don't usually see animals named Arthur."
"You have a bird named Albert," Lauren argued. Legolas chuckled.
"So? What's your point?" I asked hotly. "Albert is awesome! With his cute green body and his empty little red head!" I sighed happily as I remembered my cherry-headed macaw.
Lauren shook her head. "Never mind. Forget I said that." She sat down next to the fire with Arthur curled contentedly up in her lap.
********
~Later that evening...~
I was standing by the gates to Isengard, watching a group of people approach. It was a long line of people wearing cloaks; they looked like Elves. Could it perhaps be the same Elves that had fought at Helm's Deep? A name popped into my mind as I thought of the Lothlorien Elves.
Haldir.
I sighed wistfully, thinking about Haldir and how he could have been killed. (A/N: When he was killed in the movie, I was seriously pissed. HE DID NOT DIE IN THE BOOKS!!! DAMN YOU, PETER JACKSON!!!) Boy, was I glad he hadn't died. 'He's too hot to die,' I thought, grinning.
I shielded my eyes against the setting sun and watched the horsemen continue to approach. As they came closer, I spotted a familiar face near the front.
"Haldir!" I cried, running (gracefully) towards his horse. The elf halted and stared at me for a moment, then galloped his horse towards me.
I grinned in a very Mary Sue-ish way as Haldir dismounted and hugged me. "Mae govannen, mela nin*," he said softly into my ear. My heart skipped a beat as he said that. Then he looked deeply into my eyes. Mmm, yummy blue eyes... slightly scary, but still tres lovely nonetheless. "Shall we go for a walk?" he asked in a husky voice, pushing a stray lock of hair away from my face.
*Spelling? Psh, I don't care anymore. You all know what I meant. BTW, it means something like, "Well met, my love" in elvish... I think... Ah well screw it. I really don't care that much. I'm not an elvish expert, so don't give me crap, ok?
I was gobsmacked as a smacked gob. "Ekkay," I muttered, a bit dazed. He gestured to a nearby elf to take his horse, then took my hand in his and led me away. You have no idea how wonderful that was. We walked to the apple tree that Lauren and I had discovered. Except now the apples were heart-shaped. Ahhh...
We sat beneath it, talking about this and that. Suddenly, he leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. I grinned inwardly. Even if I hated Mary- sue fanfics, it sure as hell was fun to be one. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Mmm... the yumminess of elves would never cease to amaze me. Take that, you silly fangirls! I thought to myself. He pulled away, looking into my eyes.
"Laura...?"
"Hmm?"
"Laura!"
"Yes?"
"LAURA!!!" He pounced on me, still screaming my name.
"LAURA!!!" I woke with a start to have Lauren pounding me with her fists. "Get up!! It's morning."
I looked at my pillow, then at everyone surrounding me. Legolas and Aragorn were chuckling and shooting me amused looks.
"But- but-" I stammered. "Haldir? Snogging?* Apple tree?"
*This is the British term for kissing and/or making out.
Lauren looked at me piteously. "Poor, poor love-struck child. You were talking in your sleep... muttering something like, "Haldir, you have nice lips" or something of the sort." She stopped and looked thoughtful, then:
"You are now, no longer, the Mystik Foo Foo. Mary Sue, I shall call you: 'One who is obsessed with Haldir'... translated to the common tongue," she joked.
My bottom lip trembled. "YOU WOKE ME FROM THE BESTEST DREAM I'VE EVER HAD!!! I WAS SNOGGING WITH A HOTTIE-HOT HOT ELF DUDE!!! WHY, LAUREN!? WHY???" I wailed into her shirt, seriously upset.
"I really and truly pity Haldir," Legolas said. I could hear rather than see him smirk.
"Go to hell," I muttered, pouting.
"Hold on one sec, honey buns," Lauren said, flipping through an imaginary notebook. "Nope, sorry sweety. 'Go to hell' is not on Mr. Greenleaf's agenda. But I can fit you into it in about... oh let's see... a millennia or two. Does that work for you?"
"Oh stop playing secretary," I mumbled, burying myself under my blanket. "I want my elf."
"Since when is Haldir yours?" Legolas asked in an amused tone.
"Since I said so two seconds ago," I muttered.
"Riiight..."
"You're just jealous, Lego, that you can't have beautiful little me."
"Oh dear, Laura. You've found out my secret," he said sarcastically.
"Pbbbt!" I was never gonna hear the end of this one.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well, fellow elf worshippers, I'm finished for the next few days. I'm going to the FLORIDA KEYS for vacation! *does the crouton dance*
What? You've never heard of the crouton dance? My goodness. Well, it goes:
Jump, twirl, fall on your ass. REPEAT.
Ain't it original? I made it up all by myself. :-D
Oh, and if you were wondering, the reason I made myself obsessed with Haldir is because I wanted to not be infatuated with someone that I would have been around a lot. That probably made no sense whatsoever to you. But oh well. Basically, I figured that, since Haldir would be my second choice of a husband (elfwise), I'd just choose him instead of Lego. I dunno. It's hard to explain. But I feel that I'm doing the right thing. *feels all warm and fuzzy inside* And I'm sure that none of us Legolas fangirls would have any objection to snogging with the next best thing, right? ;-)
Also, the dream wasn't always that long. But I got bored at 9:45 on Thursday night, and I thought, Hell, I deserve some lovin', don't I? This chapter needed some spicin' up! X-D *dazed look* Snogginnggggg... *sighs and wishes that it could really happen... except with Legolas* Ahhhh...
Anyhap, I'm off to good ol' Florida! See you guys in about a week! I'm going to expect many many MANY reviews while I'm gone. Mwah! :-*
XOXOXO
Your favorite elf stalker,
Laura, the girl of many names
P.S. To Crystyna:
HAHAHAHA!!! I FOOLED YOU!!!! *cackles insanely*
Ah, sorry. Crystyna's mah buddy! Yay! *grins like an idiot* We talk about lots of stuff, like Orlando, Legolas, elves, hot guys, Orlando, Legolas, etc. ;-)