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Little Sabretooth woke to the soft chirping of four... no wait, one of them was smooshed... three baby birds. He was still too tired to be afraid, so he just lied there and stared at the winged creatures that hopped gaily around him. They had quit "Mommy-ing" him and now they were doing something else that was annoying.
Feeling his wet hide, Sabe grimaced in disgust. He was a dirty, smelly, wet, troubled young boy. And he was lost! A pathetic frown adorned his face as he heaved himself up, almost squashing another bird in the process.
He was hungry. He knew how to make a fire, but what was there to eat? Carefully, the mutant looked around but there was nothing in sight. Only trees and flowers and birds and... Hey wait.
Birds! There was an idea! Hungrily, the large kitty looked down upon the three little birds; his eyes gleamed with malice and starvation. Quietly, he inched toward the creatures. Another inch. Another... He pounced!
And no luck.
He was lucky that there weren't any more cactus plants around.
Sensing the danger, the little birds took off into the air (even though it would be impossible because birds just don't do that when they're naked and wingless and hungry and being chased by a big, dumb, ugly, kitty mutant with a big belly and a one-track mind.)
Rapidly, the tiny wings of the birdies flapped... but to no avail. As soon as they had been suspended in the air for... 5 seconds?... they immediately plummeted to the ground, their poor little naked mole-rat bodies exposed to the enemy. Now it was their turn to run!
The first little birdy ran to find shelter (as did the other birdies, but they're not as important right now). His name was Herman and his heart was failing and he felt like an old man. His ugly little body scampered to a spot and he frantically looked around. Aha! There was some straw to make a house out of!
Before the evil mutant kitty could catch him, the crafty little bird constructed a small house made out of straw. Sooner or later, Sabe came to the house and knocked on the door, "Hey, bird! Let me in!" Terrified, the creature shook it's naked head and said, "Not by the... uh... nakedness on my chinny chin chin!"
This perturbed Little Sabe. He got a bit angry, "Okay, then I'll huff and I'll... no... in fact..." And SQUASH!
Exit bird one.
Munching on bird one (who had small pieces of straw impaling his naked mole-rat flesh, Sabretooth moseyed down the path until he found the next house. This one was made of wood. And what a fine wood it was! Sabretooth noticed. It was finished with a light mahogany color, and it simply radiated... Sabe shook his head. There was no time to be Martha Stewart! He was HUNGRY! And when Sabe was hungry, gosh dernit, he got his dern food!
With one long black nail, Sabe knocked on the front door or the wooden house. While he waited, he took note of the nicely built deck and marveled at the exceptional roof shingles...
"Who's there?" Sabe heard someone call from inside. Amazingly, these little birds that had only been out of their eggs for one day spoke perfect English and Sabretooth could communicate with them just fine.
"It's me, open up!"
"Hey, that doesn't rhyme with..."
But the little birdy didn't get to finish his sentence. Sabe took a wiffle ball bat to the little Lincoln Log looking cabin and SMASHED IT INTO A THOUSAND PIECES!
The mutant felt a sudden gush of triumph as he flung the next birdy into his mouth, "Mmm," he said, "tastes like..." Sabe couldn't put his finger on it...it was something that NO family household could live without... something everyone ate... Ah yes! "Wombat!" he cried. (And you thought he was gonna say chicken...)
One more birdy to go.
This one was a little bit more difficult to find. (Even though it was in plain sight. Sabretooth just felt like walking in circles for a while. Only when he found the little puddle of blood from his first birdy-naked-mole-rat-appetizer did he realize where he was going.
Now he stood in front of the third and final house.
This one had a pool. A nice red sportscar was parked in the driveway, which was paved with pretty red brick and put together very nicely if Sabretooth said so himself. Floridian palm trees (miniature ones of course) waved gallantly in the light wind; Sabretooth looked around and noticed almost everything was made completely of brick. Although...
"Who's there?" Called the third victim.
"It's Sabretooth come to mangle your body and crunch your delicate bones in his massive jaws, you vermin! Now let me in!"
"Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!" It retorted angrily.
Sabretooth had to do a double-take. Then he scoffed, "You don't have any hair on your chin!" The mutant stroked his own face in arrogance and suddenly, the front door to the house was opened. There stood the bird, a red, curly beard all the way down to it's tiny talons. Sabe looked at it in wonderment. It even had dreadlocks like Bob Marley! He was envious.
As quickly as the door had opened, it slammed shut and Sabretooth was left outside. (Well, of course since he couldn't actually fit his large posterior through the doorway...) But that's beside the point...
His stomach rumbled; it ordered for more food! 'Coming up,' the shaggy mutant grinned evily. Then in the blink of an eye, (rather, five blinks of three eyes), Sabretooth brought his prodigious foot down upon the third house and...
SMASH!
The entire house gave way and there was the little bird, shaking in his wooden clogs from Zimbabwe.
"Hey! You're not supposed to be able to break down my house! How unorthodox are you?!" The little birdy screamed, but Sabe only rolled his eyes, "You made everything out of brick besides your house! What was I supposed to do?" The bird shrugged in defeat and was caught by surprise when he was whisked into the gaping jaws of a happy little kitty.
