Chapter 4
Heartbreak Hotel
Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
It's down at the end of lonely street
at Heartbreak Hotel.
March 2010
Buffy heard the melancholy sound of Elvis pouring from the stereo as she descended the steps, shoulder bag in one hand. The rest of her bags were down by the door. She felt Spike's eyes on her as she reached the door and knew that if she turned around, his cerulean jewels would dig straight into her soul, pleading with her not to go. But she had to. As much as Buffy wanted to stay, she knew she couldn't and to reject Spike's unspoken pleas would only hurt her heart even more.
"Spike," she said, but kept her eyes on the intricate carvings of the door, "you know I have to go."
"Yeah," he replied, and she flinched at his emotionless tone. Not gonna turn around, she thought to herself. It's only gonna make it worse. Not gonna turn around.
And although it's always crowded,
you still can find some room.
Where broken hearted lovers
do cry away their gloom.
Of course her self-control did what it usually did when she was around Spike; it told resolve-Buffy to shut her gob and presented mushy-Buffy, who violently (and quite satisfactorily, thank you very much) tossed the former in the closet that read 'do not open until all resolve has been obliterated'. That's when Buffy found herself staring into azure eyes that glossed over with unshed tears.
He was sprawled in the recliner, shirtless and held a generous glass of Hennessey (well, that was what the empty bottle on the table said) in one hand, an unlit cigarette in the other. Aside from his eyes, the rest of his face was an alabaster mask of indifference and Buffy was again amazed at how a simple glance into his eyes could determine Spike's moods with the accuracy of a stake heading toward a vampire's heart.
Bad imagery, she thought as she glanced at his smooth chest and the heart that poured out from under his eyelids.
"Please, Spike," she said as her legs carried her towards the vampire, "don't make this harder than it already is."
Well, the Bellhop's tears keep flowin',
and the desk clerk's dressed in black.
Well they been so long on lonely street
They ain't ever gonna look back.
"I'm not," he said, and she saw right through the lie. Well, it wasn't like he was trying to cover it up, now was he?
Buffy arched an eyebrow and rested her hands on her hips. "You're not?" He shook his head. "Well, what's with the kicked puppy look?"
Sadness temporarily took a back seat to annoyance and despite the circumstances, Buffy had to stifle a giggle when Spike rolled his eyes.
"Not a kicked puppy look," he muttered, taking a sip from his glass. Buffy's heart fluttered at the pout in his tone and she lowered herself into his lap. They both sighed contentedly and she snaked one arm around his shoulders while her free hand caressed his face.
"Baby, you know I have to go. We both knew this was gonna happen sooner or later."
He opened his mouth to object but swallowed it down. Buffy inhaled the breath that escaped his lips. It was a blend of blood, alcohol, tobacco and mints; a very interesting mix, no doubt, but something she had gotten used to--and in fact, craved--these past seven years. Sometimes she thought it was a twisted fascination--the way she thrummed with excitement whenever he exhaled during sleep and she could sidle up to him and sniff his breath without being scrutinized. No, it was definitely weird. Of course, she was the only woman she knew that even remotely had something to look forward to during that particular time of the month…and that was just another story in itself.
She shook her head and turned her attention back to her lover. Buffy had long ago come to terms with the fact that living with a vampire, soul or no, for seven years had inexorably altered many of her tastes to the point where now she'd no doubt be some psychologist's dream patient.
"Don't want you to go," Spike said, and Buffy pressed her cheek against his. The feel of his cool flesh against hers always tempered the flames that bubbled in her abdomen whenever she was in his proximity.
"I know you don't, sweetie, but I have to go, you know that." Spike dropped his chin and Buffy pulled away enough to look him in his eyes as she guided his chin back up. He avoided her gaze for several moments but it was only a matter of time before emerald and sapphire entwined in a lover's embrace. All their emotions flowed through instantaneously and slayer and vampire shuddered at the depth of love they carried for one another, a depth that even in seven years together didn't allow them full comprehension of it.
"Buffy," Spike said, and his voice was husky with lust and love, "I love you so much, God, I love you so much." His eyes remained filmy but the repressed tears in Buffy's own eyes broke free at her lover's declaration and she slammed her eyes shut, but not before her lips crashed to his in a reckless kiss. There was nothing poetic and sweet about the coupling of their lips. Teeth and tongues clashed in a brutal desperation, as if they knew that this was quite possibly their final moment together and though they wanted to make love, to fuck…whatever it took to express themselves, they knew time was not on their side.
It surprised Buffy when Spike broke the kiss, pulling away far enough for his face to come into focus; well, not exactly since her senses were kibobbed from the kiss. But her vision wasn't so glazed for her to miss the smirk that disturbed the symmetry of his face.
"Guess I still have the magic touch, ey, luv." Buffy shook her head, a weary smile replacing her frown. She stared into Spike's eyes and blew away the loose strands of hair that fell across her eyes.
"You are so full of yourself."
Spike leered at Buffy's petite figure and mentally tore her clothes free, causing Buffy to blush even before his husky voice whispered, "Correct me if I'm wrong, luv, but if memory serves, it's you that's usually full of…me."
Buffy shivered at the memory of what they had done all day and night yesterday and her arm tightened ever so slightly, pulling her body closer to Spike.
"Well, yeah," she said, "I mean, yeah, of course…I, uh, I mean…"
"Buffy, luv…"
"Yeah?"
"You're babbling."
"And your point?" Buffy knew she was pouting and when Spike's eyes glistened with mirth, she jutted her lip out just a smidgen more, falling into giggles when Spike caught her lower lip with blunt teeth. They wrestled for several minutes in the chair until the chime of the doorbell broke the mood.
Spike's playful visage crumbled into a somber mask. He inhaled sharply and Buffy turned towards the door just as the handled twisted. It swung open and Willow walked through.
"Hey guys," she said in her usual peppy tone although her body language was the exact opposite.
"Hey, Wills."
"Red."
"So, Buff, are you ready?"
"Where's Kennedy?" Buffy asked, and reluctantly dislodged herself from Spike's lap and stood up, the vampire quickly following suit.
"She's in the car," Willow said, and picked up two of Buffy's bags, "you know how she hates good byes." She gave a mischievous glance at Spike. "Plus I still think she's embarrassed from that very naked vampire sighting she had the other day.
"Well, the chit should've knocked," Spike said defensively, and Buffy swore that he blushed.
"You were in the kitchen, Spike," Buffy reminded her lover, "don't really think there are doors to be knocked upon."
"Yeah, well…"
"Besides, Spike," Willow said, and her eyes slid along the contours of his naked torso, "you have nothing to be ashamed of."
"Willow!" Buffy shouted in reproach. "Are you ogling my mate?"
The Wicca shrugged. "I may be hitting for the other side now but I know a yummy nummy treat when I see one." Buffy's eyes widened but laughter quickly replaced her surprise when Spike dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
"My, my, Wills, I think you embarrassed him."
"Who me? Embarrass William the Cocky?" Willow asked in mock-surprise.
"Bet you bints are havin' a jolly ole time, aren't ya?" Spike said. The growl that sounded from deep within his chest would have frightened any human and most demons but the two women only threw their head back and laughed.
"I'll take these bags out and wait for you. Give you time to say good bye."
"Okay, Will."
"Red," Spike said before Willow disappeared through the door. She stuck her head back in.
"Yeah?"
"Take care of my girls for me."
Willow blushed. "Don't you mean 'girl', singular?"
Spike smiled, a genuine one bare of all swagger and bravado. "No, pet. I meant girls, as in all three of ya." Willow's already flushed cheeks burned crimson and she nodded, giving Spike a sheepish wink before retreating into the night.
Buffy turned to the bleached blonde and wrapped her arms around his neck. Spike capitulated and enveloped her tiny waist in his arms.
"So, Mr. Summers, since when has Kennedy been 'your girl'?"
Spike ducked his head and shrugged. "Me an Ms. Kennedy may bicker but she's not so bad. 'Sides, she did save my arse a few years back, ya know?"
"Which, if I remember correctly, you had to turn right back around and save her."
"Well, yeah, but 'twas the thought that counted." She smiled and kissed him soundly on the lips before pulling away. When she did, albeit reluctantly, his face mirrored the fear and ache that moved deep within her.
"Tell me again why you have to go away?" Spike asked, his voice a shell of its usual confidence.
"Because, that disturbance in England requires the attention of a witch and slayer…"
"Kennedy's a slayer, luv…"
"And the fact that it's gonna take two slayers or Dawn to close down whatever it is that's trying to break free and since you pretty much shot down the idea of your Niblet travelin' all that way without you, me and Kennedy were the default choice."
"But why can't I…?"
"Who else besides me and Wills would you trust to protect Dawn?"
"S'not like she needs protectin' now, luv, considerin' she's generatin' more power than Red ever has…"
"Yet you continue to protect her." Spike had no reply and bit his lip in frustration.
"S'just that I almost lost you last week and you leavin so soon…" Buffy leaned her head against his chest, remembering just how close she had come to really dying--but she shook the thought away.
"Spike, you and I both know that the borrowed time I was living on expired like ten years ago. That's a helluva lot of interest that's built up. And while I really don't think that I'm gonna buy the farm anytime soon, we both know there's a possibility that…that one day, one of us won't come home."
The strength of Buffy's voice was a direct contrast of the fear that pooled in her stomach. The prospects of losing anyone--Dawn, Willow, Kennedy and especially Spike--in this had frazzled her nerves. Buffy knew that there was a fifty-fifty chance that if she did survive and returned home that either Spike or Dawn might not be around. And with the newfound Keyness of her little sister, Buffy was more worried about Spike than Dawn.
When she next looked at Spike, determination was etched across his features. "Just make sure you and the birds make it back. Me and the 'Bit'll take care of each other, like we always do."
"I know. Just--" Buffy hesitated, wanting to pour her heart out to him but not wanting to sound morbid. Deciding to change her tactics, the slayer flashed Spike a bright smile and said, "just make sure that you keep my side of the bed warm…or, as warm as you can."
Spike returned the smile and planted the softest of kisses on her forehead. "Will do, pet." They embraced one more time, taking comfort in the supernatural strength of the other's arms. "I love you, Buffy, always 'ave, always will."
"Love you, too, Spike," she said and pulled away slowly, "always and forever." Her hand caressed his cheek before she backed away and, never taking her eyes off of him, picked up her remaining two bags.
"Buffy."
"Yeah?"
"I don't remember the last time you spent sixty minutes outta my sight, how am I gonna go sixty days without you?"
Buffy's lip quivered. He was right. They had been inseparable for so long that to be away from his presence for more than a few hours at a time disturbed her. Now they would be a world apart for sixty day--in truth, Buffy had no clue how she would handle it. But that didn't mean she didn't know what to say.
"Just remember that I'll always return to you. Always…" She smiled sadly at her William and, before tears could fall any more, Buffy walked out the door and to the car.
She said nothing on the way to the airport, her only thoughts of the bleached blonde vampire that would be alone in their house for two months. Although her going along with Kennedy and Willow was imperative, Buffy couldn't help but feel guilty about leaving him. If anything happened to him in her absence she didn't…
No, not gonna think that, she thought and focused her mind on the notes Giles had sent them. She was lost in her former watcher and surrogate father's scribble until they reached New York. She had scarcely thought about Spike--unless thinking about William counted. Surely she'd get off with that technicality.
As they crossed the Atlantic, the pang of separation really hit the slayer and she turned towards the window, not wanting her two friends to catch her crying. She shed silent tears and prayed to God that she would return safely along with her friends and that Sunnydale would still be there and Dawn and Spike would be okay.
It wasn't until they landed in London that the tears subsided and along with it the fear that something would happen to her mate or sister. Spike would take care of himself and Dawn. They would be fine. Spike said that he would protect Dawn and be there when she got back and Buffy knew that it was true.
Spike always kept his promises. And Buffy was damn sure gonna keep hers.
She hadn't disappointed Spike for quite sometime. She sure as hell wasn't about to start now.
TBC…
A/N: I apologize if I was a tad duplicitous in what this chapter would entail but I just couldn't help it! So, did you guys think I was gonna do our Spuffy wrong? Hehe. Ya never know with me…But let's have some fun next chapter…
Next: Stuck on You…
