Author: Darlaranger
Story Title: How Things Circle Around
Chapter Title: Last Stop of the Day
Disclaimer: I'm a poor college student. I own nothing, literally. Please don't sue.
Chapter Summary: She falls in love every night —Jordan's POV
Honorable mentions: Thanks to Sabrina and jordanchick for their reviews of my first two chapters.
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How Things Circle Around: Last
Stop of the Day
07.22.03 @ 11:40
PM
Every night, before I finally surrender myself to sleep, I
take a walk down the upper hallway of my house. Just a few doors down from my
own bed, my daughter sleeps safely. For the past 18 years, I've
walked this path almost every night.
I need to reassure myself that she's there, because sometime it feels like the
most wonderful dream I could ever have--I'm afraid one day I'll wake up, and
there'll be no one sleeping down the hall.
As I watch her breath in and out from the doorway of her room, I can't help having a hard time believing that she came from
me. It's amazing to think that this lanky-limbed,
raven-haired miracle once grew inside of me. She's the
proof that I've got a bit of innocence left, that I've got a bit of good in me,
that what I do and what I see hasn't cut it all away.
I've always been amazed by her, since the very moment
of her birth. I remember the first time I saw her, just born, red and squalling
and covered in the remnants of what had been her home for the past nine months
cradled in the doctor's hands. And then the moment we
met, when Farmboy took her gently from the nurse,
terrified of hurting her, and slowly brought her over to lie in my arms. Those
perfect hands and feet, those 10 fingers and 10 toes, miniature nose and
ears--it was like holding a piece of heaven in your arms.
If you know me, you know that love doesn't come easily
for me. I have a history of running away, of backing off, of going a little
wild when I feel love getting too close to my skin. Farmboy
had a hell of a time convincing me that he loved me, and then again trying to
get me to admit that I loved him.
But with my newborn daughter in my arms, sucking at my
breast, clenching the finger of my husband tightly as he sat beside us,
enthralled, I fell in love. Deep, hard, instantaneous love.
And for the first time ever, my first thought was not
to run away as fast as my feet would carry my hidden heart. This time, I wanted
to grab on to her, and never let her go.
So almost every night since the day we brought her home my last stop of the day
is her room. I tiptoe in, and gently pry whatever she fell asleep reading from
her hands. I pull the covers up to her shoulders, and then I kneel, put my palm
on her back, and just feel the motion of her breathing. I whisper I love
you, baby as I back away into the hall, turning off the light as I go.
I'm almost completely out when I hear her response in
the darkness, I love you too, Ma.
And I fall in love again, every single night.
