CHAPTER FIVE -
INTO EVERY RELATIONSHIP A LITTLE
BLOOD MUST FALL!

It was a dark and stormy night in New York. Drusilla had a meeting to attend with the two producers, who had been assigned to work with her. The limo ride over to the offices had been pleasant but for some reason, Drusilla felt the air whisper apprehension to her, about the whole thing. The building was mostly deserted except for a few workers and the security staff.

As soon as Drusilla walked into the office, she could tell one of the producers was going to be a problem. She just got a bad vibe from him. The other one seemed nice enough though. He seemed to be one of those geeky types, who somehow had managed to fall into a regular job that actually suited him.

"Come sit here, beside me." the slimy one offered, patting the seat beside him on the couch. "Join me on the casting couch." He had a perverse glint in his eye. The other one rolled his eyes and shuffled his notes.

"I prefer to stand, dearie." Drusilla's words seethed like snapping snakes. Standing, looking down at this man, Drusilla felt very regal. She eyed him with contempt. He really was a toad. Actually Drusilla had met a toad demon once. He had been nice and adorably cute to her though. Not at all like this thing before her.

Drusilla decided to pointedly turn all her attention to the nice one. Rising, he offered Dru his own chair and she graciously accepted. The toad resentfully had to move up on the couch to make room for his colleague. Once the pleasantries were out of the way, the nice producer began to talk excitedly.

"My concept for the show is that it should appeal to the key demographics while pulling in a hipper, more turned on audience at the same time." Pleased that Drusilla was ready to listen to his outline, he carried on with even more enthusiasm. "Dru & The City should be all about a yuppie, upwardly mobile, young vampire looking for love in the big city. She'll have to juggle a demanding job and her social life with the needs of being a vampire-"

Here the toad interjected. "Now there's one of the things I was hoping to bring up. I really think we need to drop the whole vampire angle."

Drusilla was confused. "What? But I am a vampire."

"Yes." the toad grinned slimily. "But that's really not a fact we have to let the viewing public in on. I really feel that the whole vampire thing could turn off a lot of viewers. It could make it seem too much like a kiddies cartoon or something."

Drusilla's eyes narrowed. She could feel a growl rising to her throat. The nice producer wisely decided to move on with his concept speech. "Well anyway, we could also have you having to deal with the antics of your crazy roommate and always having to help out your wacky demon friends, when they get themselves in all sorts of comic situations."

Once again, Drusilla had been hanging delightedly on the nice geek's every word. And once again, the slimy toad on his lilypad had an objection. "I have to go against the idea of demons on the show."

Drusilla felt distraught. "But all my demon friends know about the show. I've already promised them guest parts. This had already been agreed on -"

The slimy producer ignored her argument. "And this Django can't be on the show as your roommate. We need someone more familiar to viewers. How about Troy McLure? He's pretty cheap to work with."

Drusilla was on her feet, shaking with uncontrollable rage. "Troy McLure? Over my Django?" Django's puppy dog eyes flashed before her. It was all too much!

"Yes." the producer went on obliviously. "You may remember him from such other sit-coms as Handle With Care and-"

But it was too late. Drusilla had leapt on him like a vicious feline. She slit the horrible producer's throat with her nails. A big jet of blood sprayed from the wound. Dead without another croak! The other producer was on his feet, muttering "Oh God! Oh God!"s and stumbling towards the desk alarm.

Drusilla calmly grabbed him and forced him against the wall. She held him firmly by the throat. Jutting about in a blind panic, the throat was. "Now you listen to me dearie." Drusilla spoke in a no-nonsense tone. "I like your ideas. What a nice brain you have. Just keep getting ideas like those and keep any suggestions I make in mind. Otherwise I'll have to scoop your brain out and 'ave meself a feast!"

The frightened producer nodded nervously. Drusilla smiled and relaxed visibly. She straightened his tie for him. "See you at the next meeting dearie!" she cheerfully waved on her way out.

The producer pondered on whether to call security or not. On the other hand, he kind of liked the idea of being promoted over his horrible superior, who never passed any of his ideas. Time to find a mop and maybe a few bin bags.

****

A few weeks later, Drusilla and Django were sitting in their New York apartment. Drusilla was so excited, wishing the commercial break would hurry up and arrive.

Django was amused, watching her all giddy like this. Proud too. Dru had filmed a promo to announce the forthcoming sit-com. Her producer had informed her when the promo was to air. And it was to be tonight! Django put his arm around his love and kissed her cheek. "Just a few minutes to go pet."

Drusilla ignored the obvious Spike-ism of "pet". He was probably doing it unconsciously, Dru realised. In hindsight though, maybe telling Django some stories of her Fearsome Foursome days hadn't been such a good idea. Still, at least it meant that there were less new mannerisms to learn, about her new boyfriend. Just so long as he didn't start dyeing all his lovely brown hair to blonde.

And then it was on! A New York skyline. New York street scenes and exhaust fumes. "In the city it can be hard to find love and juggle the needs of all your crazy friends." the announcer boomed over the images.

Here a fungus demon was shown in a kitchen, with his head stuck in a take- away chicken box. "Oh no!" Drusilla's very own voice cried out from the tv set. "Not again!"

"Sometimes it can be hard being a vampire, even an upwardly mobile one." the announcer continued as a new scene appeared.

Drusilla was in an office, standing at a water cooler and berating an employee. "We don't sleep in coffins, dearie! And if you don't like working the night shift hours, you can go to another advertising agency!"

Now Drusilla turned to the screen in close up, the New York skyline behind her. "Dru & The City! Coming soon!" the announcer boomed.

And it was over! Drusilla was flopping like a bunny with excitement. She leapt on top of Django and smacked her lips on his, for a long and passionate kiss.

"Well done, love!" Django congratulated her, his heart all a flutter. "I know you're really looking forward to this. Now everyone can see how wonderful you are!"

"Let's go to CBGBs." Drusilla beamed, stroking Django's hair. "I feel like celebrating!"

"Sure." Django smiled. In some ways, though, he'd been hoping his Dru would want to stay in to celebrate. But if this was what she wanted. "Just one thing love."

"Anything darling!" Dru was feeling all sparkly and generous.

"Promise not to kill any of the good bands?"

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that." Drusilla snickered, looking at the handbill for that evening.

****

Django sneaked a peek through the curtain. Sure enough, the live studio audience were already in attendance. He could also hear them talking quietly. "Ow!" Django jumped in horror and nearly fell through the curtains. He could hear the audience laughing.

"Sorry love." Drusilla giggled innocently. "It's just that you looked so tasty! I couldn't resist." Dru had forgotten how fragile mere mortals could be about such things. Good job it was only a little love nibble.

Django rubbed at his neck, hoping it wasn't all red. Drusilla had startled him. "I didn't even know you were around pet. Last I saw, you were talking with the producer."

"Ooooh I was. But then I felt the moon call out to dance with me. It's ever so excited. Perhaps I should get it a guest spot." Drusilla closed her eyes dreamily. She was away again. Django didn't mind though. In truth he adored it about her. He just hoped the fairies were putting in a good word for him. Drusilla moved closer to Django and put her hands around his waist. "Are you nervous about all this? I want it to be your night too, you know."

"Just a bit." Django confided. "I've done a bit of acting before. Amateur theatre and all. Doubt I was ever any good though." He'd told Drusilla all this before of course. But he had never been sure if she was listening or not. He wasn't even sure now. "I'll be okay if I can just go over my lines again."

"Oh, don't worry about your lines, my sweet." Drusilla tee-heed at him. Honestly, sometimes she wondered what planet her Django was on. "I don't really expect my demon friends have bothered to read it anyway." She tapped her head. "Some of them are a bit thick you know."

Drusilla ignored Django's impending panic attack and took his hand, leading him away. "We're on in five minutes. And afterwards we can go out and eat all the stars together!"

****

The filming before a live studio audience was not going quite to what Django had expected. Some of the demons who weren't even supposed to be on the set, at the moment, seemed to be eating some of the furniture in the kitchen. Django tried to just concentrate on his part. He got up and handed Roger the chaos demon his hat and coat.

"Am I leaving then?" Roger asked confused.

"Yes." Django informed the demon. "You are!"

As the chaos demon sulkily left the apartment, Drusilla rose from her seat. "What's wrong with you? You never seem to like any of the boyfriends I bring home."

"What's Roger got that I haven't?" Django asked, thinking that he was doing a good job of seeming jealous. Amazing how easy it was.

"Horns!" Drusilla answered, matter of factly.

The audience roared with laughter.

"Sssshhhhh!" Drusilla ordered, putting her finger to her mouth.

The audience laughed again.

Drusilla was getting quite cross with them. At that point, the silly actress, who was playing Drusilla's secretary in another scene, erupted from the office set screaming. A big hairy demon came trundling after her. "Help! I'm being attacked by a monster!"

Drusilla was annoyed. Silly actress! Ruining her sit-com like this! "You're in the wrong scene! I'm going to let Harold eat you."

The audience, assuming this whole scene was meant to be more off the wall humour, were laughing again. So much noise! Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. The blood of the audience seemed to throb together in one big mass. It seemed to create an enormous blood flavour table jelly. Drusilla licked her lips....

....And she leapt into the audience and started ripping and tearing. Her face morphing into vamp mode, Dru realised that this would be far better than anything in the shoddy script. Dru vamped down on an audience member. The others screamed. And panicked. And fled. Drusilla's demon friends decided to join in, some pursuing the audience, others going for the camera crew.

Django was stunned by the sudden change. Only Roger wasn't bothering to join in, yet. The chaos demon patted Django on the shoulder. Poor human looked like he was going to faint. "I really think the two of you make a nice couple." Roger offered.

"Thank you." Django tried to smile. He turned away from the carnage, knowing he was powerless to do anything about it. He knew what Drusilla got up to, of course, and he understood it was in her nature. Only up until now, she had kept it from his eyes. "Usually with scenes like this I'd be fighting the demons." Django explained.

"I understand." Roger nodded sympathetically. "It can't be easy being a reformed bigot." Django looked at the chaos demon alarmed and realised he needed some fresh air.

Drusilla was having so much fun. This was even better than some silly sit- com. That idea had been too soon after working for the FBI. It had been a spot of delicious violence she had needed, not more commitment to the human world.

Drusilla delightedly looked around for Django....and immediately realised her mistake. Feeling just a little guilty about her little faux-pas, Dru went scampering after her companion. "Are you angry with me? Are you disappointed about the sit-com?" When Django turned his gaze on her, Drusilla saw just how green he looked. "Are you feeling alright love?"

Django shook his head. "I just need to get some fresh air. I'm not used to it being like this love."

"Well don't go too far." Dru followed a few steps, patting Django concernedly on the back. "My demon friends are going to throw a party to celebrate the show. And we should probably think about leaving New York for just a bit."