Numb
A/n: Thanks so much for the reviews everybody! I very much appreciate them, and I kinda messed up on the last chapter a bit, hehe…see there were talking in their room and then all of a sudden they were in the park -_-;; heh, yeah I messed up, but I posted it again. There's only like two sentences different, I added in so it makes sense. Well here's the next chapter … I'm still not sure how to continue this ….it's not the great adventure thingie I was hoping it to be ….but more fluffy romantic stuff, oh well. Don't worry there will be more fics in the future, I hope. SOOOO SOOOOO SORRY for the very long wait! Please forgive my lazy, pathetic, stupid ways…. Soooooooo sorrry! ;_;
"Oh ho! I will not go 'til dogs chase me away!" (Dick) "Dogs! Run!!" (Sally) ~ 3rd Rock From the Sun (Don't ask, I've had that stuck in my head since I don't know when… heh -_- ;)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The day dragged on seemingly forever, I would occasionally catch Rei staring at me, which made me chuckle inwardly and him blush. It was really quite adorable. And realizing I was thinking of such words, like 'adorable', 'cute', made me shudder slightly and wonder what had taken my thoughts over. At some points, I wanted Rei's lips on mine so badly, I would have to smack myself in the head, and that was usually when I started a silly, senseless argument with Tyson. Rei would break us apart, which would embarrass me further, though it wasn't his fault.
Finally, around midday, I had had enough of the team begging for me to let them go and see the sights of Moscow, Russia, so I told them to do as they pleased for the rest of the day.
"Aww! See I knew there was a soft spot in you Kai!" Max declared joyfully.
"Hn."
I merely crossed my arms in their usual fashion and glared, shaking my head once. Tyson sent me a glare, the act intrigued me, and made me wonder what he had for Max. I shook my head wondering why I cared in the first place.
Within moments, everyone on the team had left, or at least that's what I thought. I, myself, didn't plan on going out to see the frigid city, being that I'd lived here a good portion of my life and hated the reminder that I'd actually come back. It was a dark hole in my memory, and I hated to think that while I'd been tortured in the abbey, so many people had had no idea and led perfectly happy lives. However, there were those children who were with me in the abbey and those who struggled to survive each passing day in this communist country.
Lost in my dark thoughts, I didn't notice anyone's presence until his warm breath tickled my left ear and neck.
A shiver of delight trailed down my neck and spine, as the Chinese boy's slender hands crept up my back and shoulders. Turning slowly, I faced the shorter boy with a small smirk. He had his hands draped around my neck and a dreamy look in his golden tiger- eyes. A smile drifted across his features, as his fangs glinted in the light dangerously.
My hands travelled up his slim body, until they reached his dark, glossy locks. I played with his silky hair for a moment, before I leaned forward and dropped little kisses on his neck leading up to his tender cheek. His hands entangled themselves savagely into my hair and he pressed himself against me. I captured his lips in a passionate kiss, and ran my tongue along his bottom lip to request for entrance. Our tongues clashed together and fought for dominance. Rei let out a soft moan, allowing me to take victory and giving me rights to explore his sweet mouth. We stood together like this for only a few seconds more before I scooped him up and headed towards our bedroom. Our mouths pressed back together as I pushed him onto the bed. I began stripping off his garments, as he did the same for me. And from there, I began kissing a trail down his neck as he moaned with pleasure.
The late afternoon sun spilled through the window and glanced in on the two lovers. Dark snowclouds began to roll in and scattered themselves across the sky, blocking out the sun's brillance. Cold winds blew into the city of Moscow and warned of a great storm yet to come.
Brightness penetrated my closed lids and were beckoning me to awaken. In comfortable relaxation, I opened my eyes to reveal dark, glossy strands covering the pillow next to me. And those glossy strands' owner was snoring softly next to them. He had an expression of pure bliss, occasionally letting out a soft purr, and it pained me to think I would have to betray them. Betray him, my lover, my kitten.
The thoughts had been plaguing me all week, well those were the secondary thoughts, the primary ones were my thoughts on Rei and the feelings I'd been developing for him. I feared that if I were to get too attached to anyone on this team, especially Rei, which whom it would destroy, no person would ever place their trust in me after my betrayal. I knew Rei had felt that though, he betrayed his old team, the White Tigers, but this was different. This betrayal would ensure my goal would finally be reached. This betrayal was for me and me alone. I did not care that my grandfather would benefit from it, I just wanted to reach the perfection I'd strived for all my life. It was thoroughly frustrating that I could not achieve total perfection, but that was soon to be overriden, I would succeed.
However, what it would do to Rei was what concerned me most, I knew I would succeed, but at what cost? Would I lose Rei? The only person who'd ever cared about me, who'd given himself to me and who knew I cared for him as much as he did for me. Rei was everything to me, but was he more than my goal? My goal had always been first priority for me, but Rei … he held great importance too now. The thoughts made me ill to my stomach, and emotions collided in my secluded mind. With a sad sigh, I turned to glance at the slumbering neko-jinn, somehow, even though he wasn't fully conscious, he calmed my mind. Such a calm person, who'd broken down my barriers, and had the nerve to put up with me, didn't deserve someone as undeserving as myself. He was so loving and wanted others' happiness before his own, it chewed me up to know I would never be as kind.
As I stared at the rise and fall of his chest from beneath the blanket, I noted the change in pattern and looked up to his face. His eyes blinked open and he yawned quietly. He looked up to my watchful gaze and smiled happily. Stretching his tanned arms up, he wrapped them around me and pulled me to him. I gave him a small grin and pecked him on the lips. A small laugh emitted from him as he returned the favour. I sat up again, this time pulling him into a sitting position as well. His arms were still wrapped around me childishly, and he snuggled into my chest. I held him to me for a few moments, and I knew then I had to tell him the truth. He had to know what I was going to do, though I knew he would try to stop me and try to convince me that this wasn't the answer. But if I kept him in the dark any longer, it would only result in more anguish.
"Rei," I whispered into his ear.
"Hmm?"
"I need to talk to you… There's something I need to tell you."
He pulled away, and looked at me with those concerned golden orbs, nodding slightly.
I got up out of the warm bed and pulled on my traditional attire. I decided I would have a shower later, for now, Rei had to know what was going to happen. He deserved that explanation at least. Then perhaps when I finished my task, we could start over.
He took the hint and pulled on his clothes as well, the traditional Chinese clothing. He wrapped his hair up as well, with a little help from me of course. It was cute to see him struggle with it and then struggle again with the decision to ask me for help. With a smirk, I assisted him, though it was much more hurried. If I didn't talk to him now, I didn't know when I'd be able to, and I needed his full attention. The tournament was fast approaching, almost like a death toll.
Sitting on the balcony, knowing I could check if the others were coming back, I began.
"Rei, there's something I've got to do. I'm going to be away for awhile. But you mustn't tell the others of this."
"What? What do you mean? We have a tournament to compete in!"
"I know… and I'll be there… just not with our team," I said swallowing hard, avoiding his gaze.
"Why Kai?! We need you!" Suddenly his face took on an angry scowl, his eyes turning to slits.
"Are you saying you're betraying us?! How can I not tell everyone?! Do you even care what this will do to us? We need you Kai!!! I need you…. Why are you doing this?"
Angrily, trying to cover up my weak emotions, I retorted, "Well this is more important! Don't you understand? I have to do this, this is my destiny, this is everything I've ever worked for, everything I've ever wanted, everything I ever needed!!!"
As soon as the words tumbled out, I knew I'd lied, I needed Rei. I wasn't so sure that this would work out anymore. Rei seemed crushed by the harsh words.
"You don't need friendship? You don't need me? You don't need love?" His voice cracked, the tears made his eyes glisten.
I wore my emotionaless mask, and shook my head confirming my answer. Despite wanting more than ever to do the opposite, I kept up the façade.
Heart broken and angry, Rei spoke as well as he could manage, "I thought you cared. I never thought you'd be one to betray us. Or is that really it? Am I not enough?"
The question tumbled through my mind and forced me to turn away to try and cover my true emotions. 'If you only knew, Rei.'
Finally, giving my last shot, I replied monotonly, "It's not you Rei, not you at all. It's not the others either. I do care, but this is my life. Everything I've been through has led up to this point," I stood up to go back inside and said quietly before I exited, "I will be with the Demolition Boys' team, but I hope to return to you someday Rei, if you'll ever forgive me. Please don't tell the others, they will find out soon enough. Goodbye…. Rei-chan."
Uncharacteristically, I actually used the affectionated term, but I felt that it was necessary, perhaps we'd make it through this.
Behind me, I heard Rei's rushed steps advancing towards me, he knew he'd lost this battle, why couldn't he just give it up?
"Kai, I don't know how you expected me to react, nevermind feel, but right now I feel like slapping you and kissing you. I love you so much that I hate you for it, and now you're betraying us. Goodbye Kai, I hope you fulfill your lifelong dream."
I swallowed back the lump that formed in my throat and clenched my fist. Then, quietly I strode out of the room, only to hear Rei break down in sobs.
The rest of the team soon returned to our hotel. And we all headed out to the buffet for dinner. I didn't feel much like eating, but I couldn't bear to be around my heartbroken lover, who I said wasn't feeling too well for dinner. I was certain he'd be cold and untouchable the next day, and it was my fault. My fault…
Dark nightmares would once again plague my mind, and the tournament would ensue, me being on the team of the Demolition Boys.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* A/n: Sad, ne? Yes very angsty… I'm trying to decided whether or not I should continue, or write a sequel to the events after the tournament. I honestly don't know if I want to bother going through the whole tournament, considering there are many fics that do, not that that's bad or anything, but sometimes it gets a bit tedious. Well tell me your thoughts, and what you thought about this chapter. Oh and as for the whole 'procrastinated postings', I'm thinking I may just hire a muse to bug me into working on it and giving me more ideas hehe….wonder who it'll be. Once again sorry for the extremely late posting, and I'm hoping you might review, even though I hardly deserve it. ;_;
A/n: Thanks so much for the reviews everybody! I very much appreciate them, and I kinda messed up on the last chapter a bit, hehe…see there were talking in their room and then all of a sudden they were in the park -_-;; heh, yeah I messed up, but I posted it again. There's only like two sentences different, I added in so it makes sense. Well here's the next chapter … I'm still not sure how to continue this ….it's not the great adventure thingie I was hoping it to be ….but more fluffy romantic stuff, oh well. Don't worry there will be more fics in the future, I hope. SOOOO SOOOOO SORRY for the very long wait! Please forgive my lazy, pathetic, stupid ways…. Soooooooo sorrry! ;_;
"Oh ho! I will not go 'til dogs chase me away!" (Dick) "Dogs! Run!!" (Sally) ~ 3rd Rock From the Sun (Don't ask, I've had that stuck in my head since I don't know when… heh -_- ;)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The day dragged on seemingly forever, I would occasionally catch Rei staring at me, which made me chuckle inwardly and him blush. It was really quite adorable. And realizing I was thinking of such words, like 'adorable', 'cute', made me shudder slightly and wonder what had taken my thoughts over. At some points, I wanted Rei's lips on mine so badly, I would have to smack myself in the head, and that was usually when I started a silly, senseless argument with Tyson. Rei would break us apart, which would embarrass me further, though it wasn't his fault.
Finally, around midday, I had had enough of the team begging for me to let them go and see the sights of Moscow, Russia, so I told them to do as they pleased for the rest of the day.
"Aww! See I knew there was a soft spot in you Kai!" Max declared joyfully.
"Hn."
I merely crossed my arms in their usual fashion and glared, shaking my head once. Tyson sent me a glare, the act intrigued me, and made me wonder what he had for Max. I shook my head wondering why I cared in the first place.
Within moments, everyone on the team had left, or at least that's what I thought. I, myself, didn't plan on going out to see the frigid city, being that I'd lived here a good portion of my life and hated the reminder that I'd actually come back. It was a dark hole in my memory, and I hated to think that while I'd been tortured in the abbey, so many people had had no idea and led perfectly happy lives. However, there were those children who were with me in the abbey and those who struggled to survive each passing day in this communist country.
Lost in my dark thoughts, I didn't notice anyone's presence until his warm breath tickled my left ear and neck.
A shiver of delight trailed down my neck and spine, as the Chinese boy's slender hands crept up my back and shoulders. Turning slowly, I faced the shorter boy with a small smirk. He had his hands draped around my neck and a dreamy look in his golden tiger- eyes. A smile drifted across his features, as his fangs glinted in the light dangerously.
My hands travelled up his slim body, until they reached his dark, glossy locks. I played with his silky hair for a moment, before I leaned forward and dropped little kisses on his neck leading up to his tender cheek. His hands entangled themselves savagely into my hair and he pressed himself against me. I captured his lips in a passionate kiss, and ran my tongue along his bottom lip to request for entrance. Our tongues clashed together and fought for dominance. Rei let out a soft moan, allowing me to take victory and giving me rights to explore his sweet mouth. We stood together like this for only a few seconds more before I scooped him up and headed towards our bedroom. Our mouths pressed back together as I pushed him onto the bed. I began stripping off his garments, as he did the same for me. And from there, I began kissing a trail down his neck as he moaned with pleasure.
The late afternoon sun spilled through the window and glanced in on the two lovers. Dark snowclouds began to roll in and scattered themselves across the sky, blocking out the sun's brillance. Cold winds blew into the city of Moscow and warned of a great storm yet to come.
Brightness penetrated my closed lids and were beckoning me to awaken. In comfortable relaxation, I opened my eyes to reveal dark, glossy strands covering the pillow next to me. And those glossy strands' owner was snoring softly next to them. He had an expression of pure bliss, occasionally letting out a soft purr, and it pained me to think I would have to betray them. Betray him, my lover, my kitten.
The thoughts had been plaguing me all week, well those were the secondary thoughts, the primary ones were my thoughts on Rei and the feelings I'd been developing for him. I feared that if I were to get too attached to anyone on this team, especially Rei, which whom it would destroy, no person would ever place their trust in me after my betrayal. I knew Rei had felt that though, he betrayed his old team, the White Tigers, but this was different. This betrayal would ensure my goal would finally be reached. This betrayal was for me and me alone. I did not care that my grandfather would benefit from it, I just wanted to reach the perfection I'd strived for all my life. It was thoroughly frustrating that I could not achieve total perfection, but that was soon to be overriden, I would succeed.
However, what it would do to Rei was what concerned me most, I knew I would succeed, but at what cost? Would I lose Rei? The only person who'd ever cared about me, who'd given himself to me and who knew I cared for him as much as he did for me. Rei was everything to me, but was he more than my goal? My goal had always been first priority for me, but Rei … he held great importance too now. The thoughts made me ill to my stomach, and emotions collided in my secluded mind. With a sad sigh, I turned to glance at the slumbering neko-jinn, somehow, even though he wasn't fully conscious, he calmed my mind. Such a calm person, who'd broken down my barriers, and had the nerve to put up with me, didn't deserve someone as undeserving as myself. He was so loving and wanted others' happiness before his own, it chewed me up to know I would never be as kind.
As I stared at the rise and fall of his chest from beneath the blanket, I noted the change in pattern and looked up to his face. His eyes blinked open and he yawned quietly. He looked up to my watchful gaze and smiled happily. Stretching his tanned arms up, he wrapped them around me and pulled me to him. I gave him a small grin and pecked him on the lips. A small laugh emitted from him as he returned the favour. I sat up again, this time pulling him into a sitting position as well. His arms were still wrapped around me childishly, and he snuggled into my chest. I held him to me for a few moments, and I knew then I had to tell him the truth. He had to know what I was going to do, though I knew he would try to stop me and try to convince me that this wasn't the answer. But if I kept him in the dark any longer, it would only result in more anguish.
"Rei," I whispered into his ear.
"Hmm?"
"I need to talk to you… There's something I need to tell you."
He pulled away, and looked at me with those concerned golden orbs, nodding slightly.
I got up out of the warm bed and pulled on my traditional attire. I decided I would have a shower later, for now, Rei had to know what was going to happen. He deserved that explanation at least. Then perhaps when I finished my task, we could start over.
He took the hint and pulled on his clothes as well, the traditional Chinese clothing. He wrapped his hair up as well, with a little help from me of course. It was cute to see him struggle with it and then struggle again with the decision to ask me for help. With a smirk, I assisted him, though it was much more hurried. If I didn't talk to him now, I didn't know when I'd be able to, and I needed his full attention. The tournament was fast approaching, almost like a death toll.
Sitting on the balcony, knowing I could check if the others were coming back, I began.
"Rei, there's something I've got to do. I'm going to be away for awhile. But you mustn't tell the others of this."
"What? What do you mean? We have a tournament to compete in!"
"I know… and I'll be there… just not with our team," I said swallowing hard, avoiding his gaze.
"Why Kai?! We need you!" Suddenly his face took on an angry scowl, his eyes turning to slits.
"Are you saying you're betraying us?! How can I not tell everyone?! Do you even care what this will do to us? We need you Kai!!! I need you…. Why are you doing this?"
Angrily, trying to cover up my weak emotions, I retorted, "Well this is more important! Don't you understand? I have to do this, this is my destiny, this is everything I've ever worked for, everything I've ever wanted, everything I ever needed!!!"
As soon as the words tumbled out, I knew I'd lied, I needed Rei. I wasn't so sure that this would work out anymore. Rei seemed crushed by the harsh words.
"You don't need friendship? You don't need me? You don't need love?" His voice cracked, the tears made his eyes glisten.
I wore my emotionaless mask, and shook my head confirming my answer. Despite wanting more than ever to do the opposite, I kept up the façade.
Heart broken and angry, Rei spoke as well as he could manage, "I thought you cared. I never thought you'd be one to betray us. Or is that really it? Am I not enough?"
The question tumbled through my mind and forced me to turn away to try and cover my true emotions. 'If you only knew, Rei.'
Finally, giving my last shot, I replied monotonly, "It's not you Rei, not you at all. It's not the others either. I do care, but this is my life. Everything I've been through has led up to this point," I stood up to go back inside and said quietly before I exited, "I will be with the Demolition Boys' team, but I hope to return to you someday Rei, if you'll ever forgive me. Please don't tell the others, they will find out soon enough. Goodbye…. Rei-chan."
Uncharacteristically, I actually used the affectionated term, but I felt that it was necessary, perhaps we'd make it through this.
Behind me, I heard Rei's rushed steps advancing towards me, he knew he'd lost this battle, why couldn't he just give it up?
"Kai, I don't know how you expected me to react, nevermind feel, but right now I feel like slapping you and kissing you. I love you so much that I hate you for it, and now you're betraying us. Goodbye Kai, I hope you fulfill your lifelong dream."
I swallowed back the lump that formed in my throat and clenched my fist. Then, quietly I strode out of the room, only to hear Rei break down in sobs.
The rest of the team soon returned to our hotel. And we all headed out to the buffet for dinner. I didn't feel much like eating, but I couldn't bear to be around my heartbroken lover, who I said wasn't feeling too well for dinner. I was certain he'd be cold and untouchable the next day, and it was my fault. My fault…
Dark nightmares would once again plague my mind, and the tournament would ensue, me being on the team of the Demolition Boys.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* A/n: Sad, ne? Yes very angsty… I'm trying to decided whether or not I should continue, or write a sequel to the events after the tournament. I honestly don't know if I want to bother going through the whole tournament, considering there are many fics that do, not that that's bad or anything, but sometimes it gets a bit tedious. Well tell me your thoughts, and what you thought about this chapter. Oh and as for the whole 'procrastinated postings', I'm thinking I may just hire a muse to bug me into working on it and giving me more ideas hehe….wonder who it'll be. Once again sorry for the extremely late posting, and I'm hoping you might review, even though I hardly deserve it. ;_;
